Hearing those words, not for the first time, but they still packed the same punch now as when it was, Han stayed steady on his feet but the rest of his body shook. Vader took a step towards the young man, but with a growling yelp, Han raised a hand and took a step back. He'd slowly been coming to terms with the fact that this man, one of the most feared people in the galaxy, was his biological father, and that the kid he'd met purely by chance at the academy, who in a short amount of time became his best friend, was his little brother he'd known nothing about, but he still wasn't at any point where he wanted this man to touch him. Vader understood and moved back, giving his firstborn son the space he needed.
Han looked into the red lenses and he said to the man, "I can understand that you and Mom were too young to have kids when you gave me up for adoption." That part of his sentence came easily, he physically looked like he was choking as he struggled to bring the rest of it to the surface. "But...the whole time I was growing up...did you...did you ever think about me at all? Did you ever wonder where I was, how I turned out, if...if I was even still alive?"
Aside from Vader's respirator there was a silence in the room for a moment before the dark lord answered, "Every day."
Han looked at him in, maybe not disbelief, but still a mild shock. Vader continued, "And then when Luke was born, I feared he would be taken away from us as punishment for giving you away."
Hearing this was almost too much for the captain, his whole body felt like it was shaking, like he was freezing. Then he realized it was his body trying to force out an unamused laugh as he said, "Almost seems like a joke...throw away the first kid, who..." he stopped before he finished that thought and groaned in anger at himself for letting it happen in the first place. But he'd already started, he asked his father, "What's it like, what's it like to you, to find out your first kid doesn't even have the Force? Is that...does that...it..." he visibly struggled to force out what he was thinking, "feels like you got rid of me because I was a dud."
And as soon as the words were out of his mouth, Han Solo felt like the biggest idiot who ever lived. But he couldn't help it. He'd spent 25 years wondering where he came from and trying to convince himself that it didn't matter. He had no real complaints. He'd been adopted by a woman on Corellia who was a decent mother. Theirs had been a small family but they'd learned how to get by on their own. Many times though he wished she would've just passed him off as being her biological child, then he wouldn't have had to wonder about who his real parents were and why they didn't want him. He'd asked his mother when he was little, but she hadn't known anything about his birth parents. For a while he wondered what they were like, he tried to imagine what they would be, but his imagination wasn't a strong one and he soon gave up on it, reserving himself to the fact his parents must be dead.
"I don't know if you believe me," Vader's voice drew him out of his thoughts. "But it wouldn't have made a difference, your mother and I simply weren't ready to raise a child. Raising one the Force was strong in would've been even more of a challenge than we were prepared for at that time."
Han looked at him, wondering what was behind that mask. As far as he knew, nobody in the galaxy had ever seen Darth Vader in his true form. He was sure there had to be some, but he'd yet to learn the why and how of his father, their father, being...this...when it was his understanding the man had once been a Jedi knight known as Anakin Skywalker. Skywalker...so that was his birth name. It hadn't hit him until now.
He hadn't paid much attention when Darth Vader asked him about his past, where he was born, where he grew up, his family, nobody else ever bothered with it, but what did that prove? Then one day he'd told Han that he had reason to believe he was the child Vader and his wife had given up for adoption 25 years ago. As far as the galaxy knew, the dark lord didn't have a sense of humor, so the only logical explanation that this had to be some kind of joke, was quickly dismissed, which left Han with no recourse other than to consider the possibility it could actually be true. That had been the start of many uncomfortable discussions they'd had in private, to make sure Luke didn't overhear them, because Luke himself had no idea he wasn't an only child. The more Han was met with the facts, it seemed harder to dismiss the idea. Finally Vader had come up with a solution to know once and for all, he'd escorted Han to the med bay where a droid took a blood sample from him and ran it against a blood sample kept on file from Luke's last checkup. The scans showed both men were of the same genetic inheritance. Same father, same mother.
Han had felt numb when the confirmation was made. He'd gradually numbed himself to the whole idea, him, the son of this man? The brother of this man's son? It was all too much, somehow, it just couldn't possibly be real. Seeing that it was real, hadn't made it feel anymore real to him. Instinctively he knew it was real, but the whole thing felt like a holofilm he was watching. The two men had talked for a while after the blood analysis, then Han had left, and he'd stayed gone for several weeks as he slowly came to terms with these newfound facts pertaining to his life. He tried dealing with it the way he'd dealt with a lot of stuff in his life, by not dealing with it, and not even thinking about it. He threw himself into his work on the fleet to try and bury it, but that quickly proved impossible. Maybe he couldn't get away from the fact of his heritage, but it didn't mean he had to go back and face it either. The whole thing felt too awkward, he didn't have any idea what he'd say to Vader...his father...if he ever saw him again. His father...that was the hardest part to accept, his entire life one fact that had always been established was he had no father, not biologically, not adopted.
"Can I ask you a question?" he looked at the red lenses, tried to picture the eyes behind them. "What was my mom like?"
There was an otherwise silence for a moment before Vader answered, "She was the most beautiful woman in the galaxy...and she loved you as much as any mother could love a child."
Han glanced towards the floor as he felt a heat rising in his cheeks. This whole thing made him uncomfortable, he'd just as rather not be here doing this, but he didn't have a choice. And he doubted he'd ever have the guts again to say what was coming out now, so, might as well just get it all over with.
"Something else I want to know," he looked at the mask again. "Did I have a name? Before you gave me up, did you name me?"
Vader didn't immediately answer, which Han took as his answer. He was surprised when a few seconds later the dark lord answered, "We were afraid it might be a bad omen...we decided to wait until you were born...when you were, we realized we couldn't keep you. It was the hardest decision we ever made, one we regretted every day even though we knew there was no alternative."
Han closed his eyes as this fact hit him like a punch to the gut. He wasn't sure what he was expecting to hear, but that wasn't it.
"So I never had a name," he realized. "Was that...something you thought about over the years? What my name would be?"
The dark lord nodded.
"Your mother wanted to name you Lem, I wanted to name you after my friend and teacher, Obi-Wan."
Han ran those names through his mind and concluded, "Guess I lucked out there anyway."
Another thought occurred to him, one that had been deeply troubling him.
"How are we going to explain this to Luke? He's going to be upset enough as it is, when he finds out we kept this from him-"
"I will tell him when I think the time is right," Darth Vader said, "you do not have to worry about that."
Han shook his head. "No way, I'm going to be here when you tell him. I think you're wrong, and he'll hate me just as much as he hates you when he finds out, but he's my brother, and whether he wants me here or not, I will be."
"Han."
The captain looked up at the other man. It was only when they were truly alone that Vader addressed his eldest son by his true and given name. Han had never had any reason to think about it before, but it just sounded weird coming from him...coming from his father. In anybody else's presence he was only Captain Solo, he was used to that.
Vader told the younger man, "We have a chance to finally make this right. We announce your true identity, your heritage, you would become next in line to the Imperial throne."
Han shook his head. "Everybody finds out who I am, they're going to say the only reason I got on the star destroyer fleet is because of nepotism, after all you were the one who arranged it. I'd never be respected there again."
"You wouldn't have to stay on the star destroyer fleet, you could take your rightful place here with your brother and myself."
Han could usually figure out any given situation he wound up in, but this one made his head feel like it was going to explode, this was too much for him to comprehend.
"Our two choices are we tell the whole galaxy I'm your son, and everybody hates me for it, or we only tell Luke who I am, and nobody else in the galaxy knows it, which is a huge burden on Luke to keep it confidential...and he'd probably hate me for that too," Han felt like he was getting a headache trying to process all this.
"Luke loves you."
"He loves me as his friend...when he finds out I'm his brother, that I didn't tell him I was his brother, that you didn't tell him he even had a brother until now...he probably will hate me and I don't blame him, I'd hate me too if I was in his position."
"I find your lack of faith in your brother disturbing," Vader told him.
"Why? I told you, he's so trusting, and innocent, and..."
"And you don't think he would understand the situation once it was explained to him?" Vader inquired.
Han sighed. "I don't know...I just can't see anyway this isn't going to hurt him, and I don't want to see him get hurt."
"Commendable, but he is a Skywalker, as his father before him, as his brother before him, he will be able to withstand it," the dark lord responded.
"Skywalker..." Han still couldn't get the hang of the idea that was his true name. "That's going to take a while to get used to."
"Luke is made of stronger stuff than you give him credit for."
"I hope so," Han said.
He took a step towards Darth Vader, and another, and stopped. Both men looked at each other but neither of them moved.
"I don't want everyone knowing who I really am," he admitted. "I don't want to leave the fleet...I've had to fight my whole life to get where I was, and I made it because I'm the best at what I do...and I'm proud of that, I don't want to give that up. I'm a damned great pilot, I'm the best the galaxy's seen, I'm the best the Navy has to offer."
"It runs in the family."
That comment took him off guard, the captain squeezed his eyes shut and tried, but failed, to restrain a small laugh. He opened his eyes again and looked up at the man.
"What do I call you?" Han wanted to know. "I mean...I know it's just semantics but, on Corellia...we'd say some things that you don't really hear here...is there something specific...I mean when it's just us like right now...that I call you?"
The masked face stared at him for a moment as his question was considered.
"Whatever you are comfortable with."
Han thought about it for a minute.
"Uh...well...I..."
Han took another step and closed the gap between them and put his arms around his father. He felt something swelling in his throat that was making it hard for him to talk, he tried to force it back down, but it didn't get any easier when he felt something strong lock around his back and squeeze him. With a groan he realized it was Vader's arms...too strong to be flesh and bone...durasteel, he realized, his father's arms were made from durasteel, what had...how much of his body was? And why?
A strange feeling filled him, a strong sensation that almost felt like an actual physical being. He felt weird, and comforted, all at the same time. He couldn't put a name to it, but he felt...strangely content...like...like...a piece of him was missing and he'd never known it, and now he was whole.
Han opened his mouth a couple times, trying to talk, trying to say something, but nothing would come. He felt simultaneously happy, and overwhelmed, and embarrassed all at the same time. He bit the bolt and said the word that was perched heavily on his tongue and his mind. "Pop..."
He hadn't been sure what he would call his father. The word father in and of itself felt more formal than he was comfortable with, especially given how unorthodox their very relationship was...but that word just came to him naturally.
Han's skin felt warm, his heart felt like it was pounding against his chest wall, in general he just felt overwhelmed, by what he wasn't exactly sure, maybe everything. He didn't trust himself to talk for a couple minutes, his throat felt tight and swollen altogether, his eyes stung, but he willed nothing to form in them. He was a captain in the navy, in the Empire's star destroyer fleet, he couldn't fall apart now.
They stayed that way for a minute, maybe two, he wasn't sure. For a while Han wasn't even sure if either of them were going to let go, he wasn't sure if he could, and he wasn't sure if his father would. But he started to pull back, and looked up at the masked face, feeling he had to say something.
"Tell Luke I'll see him soon...I've got some leave time coming up and I'll be back then."
"Take care of yourself, Han."
The younger man pursed his lips together and one side of his mouth turned upward in a sheepish smile. "Don't worry about me, that's one thing I've always done best." He became more somber then as he added, "But you...you do the same, Pop...and take care of Luke."
He and Vader still had a lot of things to work through, but in the meantime he wasn't going to let that interfere with his relationship with Luke. Whenever the kid learned the truth things were going to change between them, but until that happened, Han was still his best friend, and Han knew Luke would be counting on him to keep his promise and stay in contact with him.
A/N: This was originally going to be where the story ended, but I decided to leave it in limbo for the time being to consider continuing it.