Shyzuka:You're welcome! ^^
z: Sorry no, not a Sasuke thing. ;)
Vayd: Well aren't you glad I just did! ...A-Are you? O_o
...Once Haruka was done explaining everything-from the nightmares, to craving him, to the night that he actually came into her room-the room was silent for a moment. She couldn't really bring herself to look up to him, and found herself mindlessly playing with the corner of the futon with her foot.
She had, of course, explained herself to Sasuke before, but the weird feeling of exposing herself so much-and waiting for the judgment over it-never quite went away. However, neither did the nice feeling of a weight being lifted from her chest.
"So that's what's been wrong with you." Sasuke quietly mumbled.
She raised her eyes to look at him, and she saw the way his mind was rolling around the information in his mind. She could also tell that whatever he was thinking about was making his brows furrow in the slightest…
Finally, Haruka decided to just say what she knew was happening. "Sasuke, what is it?" His eyes slightly twitched, and he looked at her. "I know there's something you want to tell me."
He gave her a look that said 'You're not going to like what I say.' To which, she just gave him a weak nod. She opened to him, so he can say whatever he wanted at this point.
Sasuke let out a quiet sigh… "I think… I think you need to keep letting Nii-san do what he's doing."
...She was ready to hear some sort of criticism, but that wasn't what she expected. Her eyes widened at him, and she felt her heart plummet at that. She was suffering over this, she was tearing her hair out over this, and she's been trying to block it all out to keep her sanity in as intact as she could. She felt like yelling that to him. She felt like snapping at him that he doesn't understand how much she's been losing herself over this… But she couldn't… She wanted to but she couldn't…
She knew that if she argued with him he'd argue once again that she almost died over this. That if it's the only solution she should take it. That he even said so that she could act however she wanted to once the night was over…
Sasuke would just argue back about how she had to do it, because it was the only known solution to the problem… and she knew it was the truth. As much as she hated it she knew that there was nothing else that could help her but feeling the safety of his presence. She knew that it was exactly what her body craved and needed… No matter how much she wanted to deny it, he had this control over her…
Haruka didn't want it, but she knew what her own body was telling her. That it was no longer in her control. It's in his.
Her gaze lowered down to the floor, and she felt her hand find it's way to the top of her head… "I hate this…" She muttered quietly…
The only comfort at all that she could get from this was that she at least knew that Sasuke was there to help her if she were to lose her mind completely…
. . . . . . . . . . . .
"She did sleep last night." Itachi spoke calmly into the phone.
"Are you sure. Well I suppose you wouldn't say that if you weren't." He could hear the worry and exhaustion in his mother's voice. Ever since they found out Haruka was having nightmares again they've been worried all day. They even left early in the morning to go and visit Haruka's old doctor-which is where his mother currently was. He would have gone to but they had left before he'd woken up…
"You don't need to worry too much… She should be fine for a while…" That is if he's lucky enough to get her to agree to do what they did last night again. He knew it would take more than one good night to make the nightmares go away. But…
"I hope so. Senju-Sensei thinks Haru must of had some kind of trigger for her to be suddenly having the nightmares again. Do you know anything that could have happened?"
...He'd thought before about telling his family about what happened in the shed, but he knew it was bad enough for Haruka knowing it happened, and it'd only be worse for her if she was aware more people knew. "Nothing I can think of." He was glad that he was at least good at lying.
"If you say so… I guess there's not much else we can do. Senju-Sensei said we could bring Haru in if she has anymore nightmares…"
At the sound of that option Itachi couldn't help but flinch… Going to that doctor was the right thing, but taking her there would mean…
With the frightening instinct his mother seemed to have, she also seemed to guess what he was thinking. "I would have also prefered to have Haru never remember what happened, but… if she goes through her day without really being there, there'll be no other option."
"...I understand."
"...We'll be heading home soon, so try to keep it together. We'll be back at night."
"Ok."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
With that the phone call ended, and Itachi relaxed into his desk chair. He looked back down at the open book of fairytales. He just felt like reading through it, but it was all just words going into his head without really latching on. So, he just closed it, and let it sit on his desk as he just stared down at it without thinking about it…
He was right about holding her at night. It helped her sleep, and she only stirred every so often in her sleep. She stayed asleep the entire night, and he knew because he only dozed in and out at night while watching her-too worried to sleep all the way.
In the moment it seemed like a good idea, but when he knocked on the door to the bathroom he could tell she was acting different, and he knew it was his fault-it was usually his fault when it came to Haruka. She was always so reserve, so to have to show so much vulnerability must just be confusing her. Gnawing at her. He didn't know what to do about it.
Whatever he could try thinking about to have her understand she doesn't need to be so self aware all consisted of actually talking to her, and he knew that's the last thing she'd allow.
He wanted what they used to have as kids, but it was apparently his fault she got a crush on him. He wanted to help her when she was having the nightmares, but it was his fault she's more self conscious. He wanted to help her right now in anyway he could, but it was his fault he didn't know how to deal with this. Understanding another's emotions and how to help them with it was never something he was good at. And never has he resented that fact as much as he did when it came to Haruka.
...Holding the urge to sigh or groan his just mindlessly flipped through pages of the book… Then, he noticed there was something in between two of the pages. He pulled it out and saw it was a picture of Haru on her Kindergarten Opening ceremony. She was smiling politely at the camera but he remembered her being excited that day… That is until she found out he couldn't go with her… He remembered when it was much simpler with her. He didn't have to think too much about what she was thinking, and she would tell him everything.
...Looking at the picture, however, he found himself remembering his thought when he held her last night. How he hadn't noticed how much she's actually grown…
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Itachi glanced up down at his phone and saw it was already 22:24. He'd spent the day staying in his room. He knew Haruka wouldn't want to be anywhere near him, so he decided to at least try and give her some peace of mind. Everyone had already gone to bed, and he knew where his destination tonight was. He only hoped she would let him.
He let out a sigh as he tossed the towel onto his bed, and quietly left his room. His room was only a few doors down from hers, and once he was in front of her door he stared at it for a moment. A thought came to knock on the door rather than barge it, but he knew she wouldn't answer.
So, he opened the door and saw a lump in her bed. For a split second he thought she was already asleep, but he saw her flinch under her blanket. The sight of that made him feel a slight weight on his chest. But he tried to bite it through, it was for her after all.
He walked toward her and he could see the way she was curling into herself under her sheets, and he began to rethink his methods. But he knew there was no other way.
Once he reached her bed she was practically shivering from head to toe.
"...Haruka…" She flinched. She flinched just at him having to say her name. "...I'm sorry." The words slipped out of his mouth, but he did not try to hold them back. He waited until she stilled for him to slowly take a seat on her bed. He looked down at her, and wanted to actually reach over and touch her, but he didn't want to see her flinch because of him again… "I'd leave you alone if I could… I know you don't like to be near me, and I know it would make you happier if I didn't have to be here… but I can't leave you…" He thought of ending with 'Not like this' but the words wouldn't reach his mouth, oddly.
Itachi tried to think about how he was going to slide in after saying that, but his thoughts were cut short when Haruka grabbed his wrist. It was a weak grip, and her hand was trembling, but he couldn't stop the leap in his chest when he saw her move to him. He looked from her face buried under her blanket to her hand, and he realized just how red her ear was-for him to even tell in the darkness of the room.
He could only blink down at her in reaction to the sudden response. "... H… Hurry…" Her voice was quiet, and he could tell she was trying to keep that harsh tone of hers that he had grown so accustomed to over the years, as much as he could tell it wasn't all there.
...A smile crawled its way to his lips as he looked down at her. She was still reluctant and self conscious about this situation, but something felt a little less tense than last time… Maybe even less tense than it had been for years… "Alright." Was all he could manage to say as he laid himself down next to her, and wrapped his arms around her-separated only by a blanket. He could feel her hair tickle his chin as he buried her face into his chest.
Looking back on his thought from earlier, he realized, he'd never seen this kind of reaction from her before. And, he couldn't help but smile a little to it.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
As morning crept into the room Haruka began to feel consciousness creep in as well. Her eyes strained as they adjusted to the brightened room, and she pulled herself out of drowsiness. Once again, memories of the night before began to slowly flood into her mind, and, once again, she found her eyes snap open and her face reddening to the thought. This time, however, she just threw the covers over her head and tried to bury away the memories with no success.
This time, she couldn't find a proper answer to a question roaring in her head. 'Why the hell did I do that?!'
There was no doubt that every fiber in her being wanted to feel him, but that didn't answer why she actually went and grabbed his wrist out of nowhere.
...It might of had something to do with his words, and the way he just… sounded…
Frustrated at her own thoughts she could only let out a sigh…
Then, she noticed. Once she did her eyes slightly widened as she took the covers off her head and sit up right. She stared down at her sheets for a moment before holding up a bit of it up to her nose… 'It smells just like him…' She realized with a heavy heart.
Her knees rose up to her face, and she still help the sheet up to her face. She let his scent wash over her mind as she realized just how easily this could all become addicting… This thought sent more fear down into her stomach.