Summary: Loke's first job results in him being unprofessional….but in his defence how was he supposed to know mortals have strange surnames?

Pairings: Implied one-sidedLoke/OC

Author's Note: Thank you all very much for giving me over TEN THOUSAND AND EIGHT HUNDRED reviews!

The whole picking a job, travelling somewhere, and meeting the client was an entirely new experience for Loke. He was used to just appearing when he was called mid-way through a battle of some sort. So despite the bitter sadness and regret over why he was now picking his own job, Loke couldn't help but be rather excited when he set out for his very first job as a Fairy Tail mage.

Giddily he knocked on the client's door, ready to start his very first adventure. A middle-aged, non-descript, man answered the door. "Hello?" he said cautiously as he tilted his head side-ways.

"Greetings!" Loke cried out. "I'm the Fairy Tail mage that answered your job request. I'm Loke and I will do whatever it takes to clear your garden from pests."

"Oh!" the man's face lit up. "Wonderful!" he reached out and shook Loke's hand. "The giant slugs were beginning to eye me up as their next meal. I'm glad you're here. I'm Mr Cocker."

"Cock… her?" Loke repeated bewilderedly. "That's rather….rude."

"What?"

"Well I mean," Loke said, "if I was going to proposition a woman, I wouldn't say cock her. That has to be the primitive, grammatically incorrect, and crudest way to proposition a woman. Just as bad as saying fuck her or shag her. I must inform you, my good man, that a woman would very much prefer it if you use the term making love."

"Do you…." Mr Cocker looked utterly dazed and bewildered, "….do you even hear yourself when you speak?"

"Never fear, sir," Loke said dramatically, "I will not only get rid of your man-eating slugs but I will also teach you the correct way to proposition a woman rather than just saying cock her."

"I didn't say cock her!" Mr Cocker barked, his cheeks flushed bright red with indignation and embarrassment, "I said Cocker, Cocker, as in that is my name!"

"Oh your poor unfortunate soul!" Loke carried on oblivious. "Soon you will know not to say that ever again." it was then when a pretty girl with long, shiny, hair, clear skin, and dressed to emphasis her curves walked past. Loke smirked and pushed his sunglasses up, ready for business. "Observe and learn," he instructed his client, "hello Princess," he purred as he stepped in front of the girl's way, "I was just minding my own business when I was suddenly taken in by your enchanting beauty," the girl, who had look wary, suddenly took several steps back, flustered and uneasy at suddenly being flirted by a guy in a parka jacket and sunglasses who was also blatantly upsetting her neighbour, "and I just had to ask…. Hey," Loke waggled his eyebrows, "how you doin'?"

And that was how Loke's first job ended with a sexual harassment lawsuit and a complaint about unprofessionalism.

Makarov just sighed heavily and added it to the mountain of paperwork that was decomposing on his desk.