Summary: Fairy Tail is shocked to find out the truth about Bickslow's childhood…
Pairings: Bickslow/Lisanna, Strauss sibling feels, Thunder God Tribe friendship feels, implied Alzack/Bisca, and general other family/friendship feels.
Author's Note: for Jack Inqu, who inspired this.
"What are you doing today?"
There was a lot of ways Freed expected Bickslow to answer this question varying from polishing his armour and babies to holding an arm wrestling completion with the forest Vulcans or performing some bizarre voodoo ritual to even egging someone's house.
"I'm going to introduce Lisanna to my parents."
But that was not one of the answers Freed was expecting.
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…WHAT?!" the entire guild screamed in unison. "What do you mean you're introducing Lisanna to your parents?!" Mirajane added in a terrifyingly demanding voice. "Since when were you two dating?!"
"Yes!" Elfman bellowed. "Since when did you think you were even worthy enough to date my little sister?!"
(Lisanna sank in the shadows and hoped no one would notice her bright pink cheeks. This was not how she had planned to tell her brother and sister she was dating….she was kinda hoping for them to figure it out around the time she had her first grandchild.)
"You have parents?!" Natsu yelped.
"Don't be stupid," Gray snorted, "of course he does. Everyone does."
"Yeah," Natsu scratched his head, "but Bickslow is so weird that I always thought he hatched out on an egg or something."
Personally Bickslow thought this was the pot calling the kettle black but he refrained from snapping at this particular insult as Levy spoke over him. "I think what Natsu actually meant," she said hastily to prevent any fights, "is that we all thought that Bickslow's parents were dead like all of ours are."
"Nah," Bickslow shrugged, "Mum and Dad are still alive and kicking, and they live just down the street from here."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…WHAT?!" the entire guild screamed once again in unison. "If that's the case," Freed snapped, feeling gravely insulted, "why have you never introduced us?!"
"Do we embarrass you, Bickslow?" Evergreen glared. "Because I can tell you right now you don't have any room to talk."
"No, no, it's not like that!" Bickslow said hastily. "You could never embarrass me. You're my best friends. Mum and Dad know all about you."
"Funny," Laxus snorted, "As we can't say the same thing about them."
"Yeah, well," Bickslow mumbled, "that's because they embarrass me."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"….what in God's name could ever embarrass you?" Laxus said eventually voicing everyone else's thoughts, "you're utterly shameless."
"You'll see," Bickslow said miserably, "when you'll see you'll understand."
And that's how the entire guild ended up visiting Bickslow's family.
FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT
Lucy had imagined Bickslow's childhood home several times.
It was general curiosity. She imagined everyone's childhood homes many times as she tried to understand how they could be the way they are. She could easily see Freed having a similar upbringing as her with his stuffiness and prim behaviour, and she could tell that most of the others hadn't had an easy time with it before they had even confided in her about their pasts, and obviously Natsu was raised by an animal ("Igneel was a majestic beast with better intelligence than most humans!" Natsu protested indignantly. "He was not an animal!"). So with Bickslow's wild personality and weird interests, Lucy always imagined him brought up in a swamp by necromancers or spent his childhood in a gothic castle with clichéd horror character-looking servants.
Not once, ever, had she imagined Bickslow growing up in a small, twee, cottage with a big blooming garden, and a little bird bath, and climbing ivy, and a little sweet doormat that read Home Sweet Home.
(Levy or Wendy or Lisanna, yes. Bickslow? No, just no.)
"Are you sure we got the right address?!" Natsu asked disbelievingly. "Because there's no way in hell this can be Bickslow's house."
"Natsu," Bickslow said irritably, "I think I know my own address."
"Are you sure?" Natsu pressed. "Because I forget mine all the time."
"Yeah," Gray said, "well you're an idiot. That's to be expected."
"What was that?!"
"Pipe down!" Laxus growled. "You know he's right. You don't have an address to remember, remember?" Laxus said pointedly to Natsu when Natsu opened his mouth to protest. "You live in a hut in the woods."
Natsu looked sheepish as he scratched the back of his head. "Oh yeah…."
Several people face palmed at that as Bickslow took a deep breath, gathered all of his Fairy Tail courage, and knocked on the door.
Everyone leaned forwards eagerly and almost collapsed when a very ordinary, plain, looking woman answered. She was dressed in a sweet, fluffy, jumper and a flowery skirt and fitted in with the setting so well that she could have been part of the wallpaper.
She looked nothing like the punk woman in tight leather with a nipple ring that most of them had been imagining.
"Hi Mum," Bickslow said with a false smile, "I hope you don't mind but my guild wanted to meet you."
"My little biscuit!" Mrs….wait, what was Bickslow's surname again?! Cried out ecstatically as she flung her arms round Bickslow's neck and squeezed him in a very motherly embrace. "Oh it's so good to see you again! Let me look at you," she pulled him away so she could examine him with a beady eye, "have you been eating well? You seem far too skinny! And been washing behind your ears? Oh, have you been sleeping properly? And brushing your teeth?"
"Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!" Bickslow whined. "You're embarrassing me!
"Alzack," Bisca murmured quietly, "if I become like that to our daughter. Shoot me in the head."
"Yes, dear."
"Oh!" Bickslow's mother cried out softly as she took in the giant crowd of people in her garden. "Come in, come in," she gestured frantically, "it'll be a tight squeeze but we'll manage. I think I might have enough tea cups, how do you all like your tea?"
They were all then herded into the house and into the living room which was bright and cheery with flowers, cross-stitched cushions, and the walls covered in photos of an adorable, and strangely normal looking, boy as Bickslow's mother immediately flounced off into the kitchen to make everyone tea.
It was a very nice, warm, loving place, but it was really not the sort of home anyone imagined Bickslow to grow up in. nor was his mother the sort of mother they all imagined him having.
There was a heavy silence as everyone stared awkwardly at each other or at a bit of wall.
"So…." Gajeel smirked, "little biscuit, huh?"
"Oh shut up!"
FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT
Bickslow's father was an accountant.
No, seriously, he was.
He was straight-laced, had Bickslow's dark blue hair but was neatly groomed, glasses, and wore a smart combination of jumper, shirt, and trousers. He looked like he should be Lahar's father not Bickslow's, and no one could stop staring at him or his wife, as Bickslow's father regaled them the most boring stories ever about his office.
Several members of Fairy Tail had fallen asleep midway through the first one and were currently loudly snoring not that Bickslow's parents seemed to have noticed as his father ploughed on with the boring tale.
"Dad," Bickslow groaned, "can you please stop? No one cares about the day the office ran out of ink."
"Now, now, my little biscuit," his mother chided him as she poured out more tea, "that's very rude of you to say. Your father works very hard and I personally think his stories are fascinating."
"Yeah," Bickslow muttered, "but you would. Your days consist of nothing but sewing and cleaning and cooking."
"Being a homemaker is a very important job, young man!" Bickslow's mother said sternly, "it's not easy cleaning up after your mess. Your room still has a very strange smell that I can't seem to get rid of no matter how hard I scrub the floors." Bickslow flushed in embarrassment but said nothing as his mother picked up her knitting bag (which caused many jaws to drop because Bickslow's mother had a knitting bag covered in kittens and knitted sweet, twee, jumpers and matching cardigan sets….Bickslow's mother!). "Now then, stand up for me my little biscuit," she ordered, "I want to make sure that this jumper is the right size for you. I can't have my precious baby getting cold when winter comes!"
It was on the tip of many people's tongues to outright ask these people how much Bickslow paid them because there was no way in hell they could be Bickslow's real parents.
Maybe Bickslow was a real fairy changeling….:?
"I don't get it," Natsu said unbothered by social niceties to keep his thoughts to himself, "you're so normal and boring, how on earth did Bickslow end up the way he did?"
"Well," Bickslow's father said thoughtfully as he stroked his chin, unbothered by the insults Natsu had unintentionally given him, "my wife did have a peculiar craving for rock music while she was pregnant…"
Everyone sweat-dropped at that.
After all….what sort of answer was that?!