Summary: Because after chapter 508, it's very hard not to come to this conclusion….Manga Spoilers.

Pairings: Parental Gildarts/Cana, some implied one-sided Freed/Laxus, implied Alzack/Bisca, implied Gildarts/OCs, and general friendship feels.

YouTube Prompt: Fairy Tail Tribute to 'This Will Be the Day' by Jeff Williams and Casey Lee Williams (i.e. RWBY opening 1).

It got up during the post-battle celebrations.

Everyone was at the very least tipsy as they curled up on the rubble and recounted the day's events. It felt like an eternity since the battle with Zeref had started and yet it had only had been a day. The longest day of their lives but a day nonetheless.

"I have to say," Wakaba said, "Natsu's freaky nephew was the weirdest one. I've never had someone try to orgasm me to death before."

"Can you not?" Natsu groaned.

"What, talk about your nephew or the fact he tried to orgasm half the guild and our allies to death?" Cana asked teasingly. "Because I think both are very fascinating topics."

Natsu made a rude hand gesture that caused Erza to slap him round the back of his head. "I think," Lucy said diplomatically, "that Natsu meant can we not discuss his family right now."

"All right," Bickslow smirked, "we'll discuss how the Dragneel family reunion almost killed us all tomorrow but I have to agree with Wakaba. I've never been orgasmed to death before."

"There's a reason why it's called the little death," Freed said pointedly, "but what I found fascinating was the people who were and were not affected."

"Why?" Laxus grunted. "What's so fascinating about it?"

"Well," Freed puffed up under Laxus' attention, "according to Yukino, Natsu's freaky nephew," at this Natsu groaned again at the horrible reminder, "told her that people who would be affected the most would be those who knew sexual pleasure. Repeatedly."

"Well that explains this pervert," Cana jammed a thumb in Gildarts' direction, "he had the creepiest grin on his face the entire time."

"Don't judge me," Gildarts shrugged, "I just know how to have a good time. Unlike you, sweetheart, you weren't affected at all by the magic." He froze for a moment and stared at Cana disbelievingly. "You weren't affected at all by the magic," he repeated in a whisper. "You weren't affected at all by the magic!" he cried out happily. "You know what this means?! MY LITTLE PRINCESS IS STILL A VIRGIN!"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Cana screeched as she suddenly punched Gildarts in the face hard enough to send him flying. "I never got that far with a guy because of my Daddy issues!"

Gildarts stiffened and went completely rigid as it appeared the words 'Daddy issues' stabbed him in the heart.

"I must confess," Mira said calmly, "it did surprise me when I saw the likes of Rogue from Sabertooth was affected. He always came across as the celibate type to me."

"Always the quiet ones," Alzack said sagely.

"You can hardly talk," Macao snorted, "you and Bisca are rarely ever quiet. Hey," he said as his eyes widened in alarm, "didn't Yukino also say that the Sabertooth Exceeds were also affected by the magic?"

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"….so just to summarise," Bickslow said, "this cute little cat that's dumber than a rock and wears the most adorable little frog onesie…..gets laid more often than a gorgeous brunette that dresses like a hooker?"

"It just goes to show," Levy said wisely, "that you cannot judge a book by its cover."