Summary: The Stone Age Chapter in the Gender Bend 'verse….

Pairings: Natsu/Luca, some implied one-sided Cana/Luca, brotherly Zeref/Natsu, Zeref/Mavis, and general friendship feels.

Author's Note: Thank you all so much forgiving me over ELEVEN THOUSAND AND FOUR HUNDRED reviews!

Luca was different from the rest of his tribe.

His tribe of fellow men were all loud, rude, obnoxious, violent, and, for reasons that Luca could never understand, barely dressed. The other guys liked to fight one another while Luca preferred to sit in a corner to come up with stories for when they sat round the fire. The other guys liked to go out and hunt while Luca was more prone to petting the cute fuzzy animals. The other guys tended to bicker and yell at each other whenever there was a crisis while Luca liked to sit there and think things through.

Gajeel called him a pansy, so did the likes of Laxus and Bickslow.

Freed got it though.

And Gray was all right.

And Loke went around acting like they were brothers for some reason.

But otherwise Luca was considered a bit of an outcast in his tribe.

It was something he was quite used to such as this bright, early, morning where the rest of his tribe were either wrestling or preparing to hunt, Luca was preparing to have a bath. He had his towel and soap, that he made himself with left over animal fat and some sweet smelling plants.

"Another bath, Luca?" Macao called out. "You just had one yesterday."

"That's the things about baths," Luca said primly, "you have to have them daily or otherwise you smell."

"Ooh!" Macao and Wakaba cat called.

Luca simply rolled his eyes and carried on. This, like his bath, was a daily occurrence.

"There's nothing wrong with the manly smell of sweat!" Elfman shouted after him. "IT'S MANLY!"

Luca rolled his eyes again, and unfortunately, that was also a daily occurrence.

After a nice, long, cool soak in the stream where he made sure everything was squeaky clean once more, Luca stepped out of the water and immediately met the gaze of a small person. He had never seen a person like this. They were messier and dirtier than most of his tribe with their hair bright pink, really, really long, and tangled, and their face smudged with dirt. Not even Gajeel, who lived in a trash heap made of metal, was this dirty and scruffy.

Also there was just something plain different about their body though Luca couldn't quite explain why. This person was tinier and slimmer and yet curvier in certain areas, it was such a strange contradiction.

This person stared back with an equally gobsmacked expression on their face.

"Erm…" Luca mumbled nervously. ."…hello?"

The person shook their head rapidly. "What are you?!" they blurted out rudely.

"Erm…." Luca blinked. "I'm Luca."

"Luca," the person said in wonder as they circled round Luca, "You look like me and the others," they stated, "but you have a sausage between your legs instead of big squishy things up here," and with a triumphant grin they reached out and squeezed their own chest pointedly.

Luca squeaked as he flushed a bright pink and suddenly crossed his legs. He was uncomfortably aware that he was naked and he couldn't help but feel he shouldn't be in front of this strange, new, person.

The person laughed wickedly. "You're weird!" they informed Luca as their eyes glittered with mirth. "But that's all right," they said reassuringly, "I like weird. I like you. In fact," they clapped their hands together decisively. "I think I'll keep you!"

Wait, what?

"I'm Natsu by the way," the person said, "and now you're my prisoner!"

"WHAT?!"

Luca was unable to form any sort of protest as this Natsu suddenly kicked a leg out beneath his and tripped him backwards before suddenly catching him and flinging him over their shoulders. Luca felt incredibly awkward and weird as this tiny person then carried him, while running rather fast, all the way back.

Luca was then dumped, like a bag of rubbish, into the middle of a crowd of people that were similarly shaped as Natsu. Only more were even taller, curvier, and bigger in the chest area.

Luca shifted uncomfortably.

He wished he had clothes on.

"Natsu," an intimidating red-haired person dressed in armour said coolly, "Who is this and why are they here?"

"This is Luca," Natsu announced gleefully, "and they're going to be my slave!"

Luca sobbed silently.

Why was this his life again?

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTTFTFFTFT

Natsu's prisoner was a favourite of everyone's.

It annoyed her to no end that she couldn't get Luca to obey her whims and wishes because he (apparently he was something called a male. He had explained it on his first night and all about the use of he and him and his and in returned they explained that they were female and used she and her) was too busy swapping story ideas with Levy, helping Mira with the dinner, polishing Erza's armour with her, braiding Wendy's hair, talking endlessly with Juvia, and having Cana all over him like a bad rash. Some days she couldn't get anywhere near him because all the girls crowded round him giggling and asking constant questions.

It was beginning to really tick her off!

"Oi Cana!" Natsu barked. "If you're that tired you can actually go to bed instead of draping yourself all over Luca."

"Oh but nothing is as comfy as Luca," Cana smirked as she tightened her arms round Luca's waist. The blonde boy flushed and looked distinctly uncomfortable but otherwise he made no complaint which didn't help Natsu's mood whatsoever! "Or smells as nice," she added.

Natsu felt her eye twitch which was incredibly annoying because her eye never did that until after she brought Luca home.

Perhaps she was actually allergic to him?

"If you want a guy to use as a bed then find your own!" Natsu snapped. "Finders keepers, losers weepers, I found him first so that means he's mine."

Cana pouted but when Natsu began to crack her knuckles she took the hint and backed off. Cana was a strong warrior in her own right but that never meant she purposely sought out battles. She would much rather soak in the sun with a bottle of beer than brawl.

"I don't mind," Luca murmured, "it was uncomfortable but she needed someone to lean on."

"She needs to learn to keep her hands to herself," Natsu muttered darkly. And then she blinked, bewildered by the strange feelings bubbling up inside her. She never felt like this before. She has been possessive (just ask the girls what it's like to fight over the last little bit of meat) but she's never been this possessive before and it was starting to freak her out a little. "And the others have managed on their own before!" she burst out. "Why do they suddenly need you now?!"

"I don't mind," Luca repeated, "they're my friends. I like to help them."

Now Natsu's chest was doing a weird tingly thing that she certainly did not like! "Whatever," she mumbled, "you great big weirdo."

She would love to get out of chores, not help other people with more and she would love to not talk about hair and looking pretty, unlike Luca who patiently sat there and nodded as the girls went on and on for all eternity.

"I really like it here," Luca confessed, "it feels like home."

"You're such a weirdo!" Natsu exclaimed. "I'd rather live with your tribe. Hunting and wrestling and fighting and burping contests! Sounds wonderful!"

Luca looked bemused and shook his head. He was just about to say something when-

"DON'T WORRY LUCA!" a deep voice bellowed. "WE'RE HERE TO RESCUE YOU!"

Luca's eyes popped out slightly as he whirled round to see an army of men race down the hill to the camp with their weapons out and ready as they let out the loudest, most annoying, battle cry.

He face palmed and moaned quietly to himself.

Natsu clapped her hands gleefully and set her fists on fire, ready to battle. "Oh!" she exclaimed breathlessly. "I'm all fired up!"

"LADIES!" Erza roared as she pulled out her sword. "DEFEND OUR HOME FROM THESE INTRUDERS!"

The girls all screamed their approval as they charged after the boys, weapons at the ready and their breasts bouncing each time they took a step….

…Natsu's jaw dropped open when there is a sudden spurt of blood from all of the boys' noses. Many of them suddenly drooped their weapons and clutched their crotches which caused the girls to halt to a stop with stunned expressions on their faces.

"SAUSAGES!"

And with that the boys all suddenly turned back and hobbled away as quickly as they could as they still clutched their crotch areas.

Luca looked like was going to die of shame and embarrassment on his tribe's behalf but Natsu didn't care because that meant he was still stuck being hers.

And what was better after they shook their heads and snapped out of their surprise, the girls chased after the other boys – determined to get their own Luca – which mean that none of them will be bothering Natsu and Luca for a very long time.

All was right in Natsu's world.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT

Meanwhile, far above the strange show boys were being tackled down to the ground by scantily clad girls and then dragged kicking and screaming, sat one Goddess with long fair hair and a childish appearance and a dark, furious, God that was squirming beneath her as he tried to escape.

Ah," Mavis cooed as she watched over her two favourite, silly, tribes, "they have so much to learn about love, don't they?"

"…are you going to get off of me?" Zeref asked instead.

"That depends," Mavis said sweetly as she wiggled her bum more firmly on Zeref's back. "Are you going to stay here and be a good boy or are you going to march down there and try to smite Luca Heartfilla?"

"He's living in her tent," Zeref hissed through gritted teeth. "My little sister!"

"I wouldn't worry love," Mavis said as she bent over and patted Zeref's cheek," I think Natsu is more a danger to Luca's virtue than the other way round."

Somehow that didn't comfort Zeref whatsoever.