Summary: Happy likes his baths just like anyone else does.
Pairings: General family feels.
YouTube Prompt: a crack video centred on Natsu to 'You're Welcome' from Disney's Moana.
"What," Erza said disgustedly as she held up a clump of wet blue fur between the barest tips of her fingers, "is this?"
Immediately all the boys that were sitting around Happy immediately shuffled away from the smelly damp thing that Erza held over their tables. Their hands protectively covered their lunches from potential contamination.
"It looks like blue hair," Happy said innocently, "has Levy been shedding again?"
"WHY YOU LITTLE-"
Levy, who rarely lost her temper, shocked everyone when she tried to take a dive at Happy. It took both Cana and Lisanna to grab hold of her and cover her mouth before any more violent threats or insults left her mouth.
"Let Erza handle it," Cana advised her, "Erza can set him straight."
"You and I," Erza sad coolly, "both know that this is not Levy's hair. It's the wrong shade of blue for starters!" Happy stared back utterly unbothered by Erza's ire as he smiled cheekily back. He was only a few months old and had yet to truly learn how terrifying Erza's anger truly was. She often restrained herself round babies. "Now would you like to tell me why you clogged the bath in the girl's dorm with your fur?"
"It's the best bath!" Happy chirped. "There's lots of warm water and bubbles and shampoo that smells like strawberries."
"I know," Erza sad darkly, "it's my shampoo."
The boys all winced at that as they cowered away from the dark aura Erza was emitting.
"Jesus Christ, Happy!" Gray shouted out alarmed. "Why don't you just clean yourself like a normal cat with your tongue?!"
"Why would I lick myself?" Happy asked disgusted. "Do you have any idea where I have been just today?" everyone shook their head numbly. "I wouldn't want to lick that," Happy shuddered delicately, "And the fur! My fur may look nice and shiny thanks to Erza's strawberry shampoo but it still feels horrible when it gets caught up in my throat and it chokes me and chokes me until I can finally cough it all up. Do you want to have fur stuck in your throat trying to kill you? Do you?!"
"…No," Gray mumbled.
He, and everyone else, looked extremely queasy at the thought. When it was put like that it was a wonder that any other cat would want to clean themselves with their tongues.
"Then why the hell do you think I would?!"
"No one expects you clean yourself like a cat," Erza said curtly, "but why don't you wash yourself by the river like Natsu does?"
"I'm a cat!" Happy sniffed haughtily. "Not a barbarian. I have standards."
"OI!"