I'd like to thank Balthazar23, Antar23, werewolfXZ, damadape, TheNarratingMan, WraithNX01, Vahktang, flixus, Lynix, TripsToTheRescue, fredfred and InquisitorCOC for betareading.

Chapter 35: The Problem

Godric's Hollow, Devon, Britain, July 19th, 1996

"Hello, everyone!"

Sirius Black smiled as he stepped into James and Lily's living room. This was a great day! Harry was safe. Miss Granger was safe. The little Veela was safe. And an entire pirate crew was in prison awaiting their trial. And it was all - at least partially - thanks to him! Things couldn't be better!

"Hi, Rose!" he greeted Harry's sister, who was sitting on the couch, reading a magazine. "How's your experiment?"

"How did you know I was working on an experiment?"

"You're always working on one," he told her.

She huffed. "It could be better. I've tried a new recipe, but it didn't work as well as it should."

"You'll get the hang of it," he told her with a smile. Or she'd blow up the house. One or the other.

"Thanks." She returned the smile.

"Where's Harry?" he asked, looking around.

And her smile turned into a scowl. "He's in his room, with his girlfriend," she spat.

"His girlfriend?" Sirius blinked. He hadn't known Harry had… "Miss Granger?"

"Yes." The scowl deepened. "We're dying with worry, and Harry hooks up with his 'mortal enemy' on a tropical island! And now they are snogging in his room!"

Oh. Harry and Miss Granger. Together. Even accounting for their rather extreme situation during the last two weeks, this was… "I wouldn't have expected that," Sirius said.

She scoffed. "Who would have expected it? I thought he would sooner hex her than kiss her. And the same for her!"

"Well, opposites attract, as the saying goes," Sirius said, grinning widely. His godson was a hero! Fought a dragon - close enough, at least - sunk a pirate ship, saved a princess - or a Veela - and got the girl! Like in a novel! Or a muggle movie!

"I don't think this saying applies to Harry and Miss Granger."

Sirius turned around. "Lily! How are you doing? And, of course, it applies! They spent years hexing each other - that's pretty much the perfect example for opposites!"

"It's about characters, not a feud," Lily corrected him.

"Well, I would have said that would fit," Rose cut in. "She's the smartest witch at Hogwarts, and he's an idiot. But if she likes him, she's obviously an idiot as well."

"Rose!"

"What? It's true!"

Sirius laughed. "Don't be jealous, Rose! I'm sure a pretty witch like you will find a boyfriend as well!"

She scoffed again. "I don't want a boyfriend who just wants to get into my robes!"

Lily nodded in agreement. "And don't let anyone pressure you into anything you're not comfortable with, Rose."

"Yes, Mum. You told me so already, remember?" Rose rolled her eyes.

"Speaking of that," Sirius said with a smile. "I think I should have a talk with Harry about dating a witch and all that entails." It wouldn't do to have Harry disappoint his paramour, would it?

"I think you're a little late with regards to that," Lily told him with a wry expression.

Sirius blinked again. Was she saying that…?

"They did it already?" Rose blurted out. "On a pirate island while hiding from a wyvern? Harry is an idiot!"

"Rose!" Lily frowned at her. "It's a perfectly normal thing for boys and girls his age."

"Not when you're stranded on a pirate island!"

"Yes. Especially if you're in a stressful situation," Lily said. "Don't be mad at Harry for this."

Sirius nodded. "Exactly! You don't want him to tease you once you have a boyfriend, do you?"

She snorted. "He'll do that anyway!"

"I don't think so," Lily said with a firm expression. "And if he does, I'll have a talk with him." She turned to Sirius. "And, speaking of this: Don't embarrass Harry or push him into anything, Sirius. This is his first relationship, and he's already insecure about things."

Sirius didn't think that sleeping with your enemy-turned-girlfriend on a tropical island was a sign of insecurity, but he nodded anyway. Teenagers were idiots - Sirius knew that from personal experience. "I won't embarrass him, don't worry!" He smiled at them. "But I think Harry might like talking to his godfather about things." There were some things you didn't want to talk about with your parents, after all.

Lily looked at him for a moment, then slowly nodded. "They're in Harry's room. Knock."

"Of course!" Sirius shook his head. As if he'd burst into a teenager's room - he had been a teenager himself! And Harry and Miss Granger were jumpy enough - Sirius didn't fancy getting cursed by mistake.

Nodding at Rose and Lily, he left the living room and went upstairs. He knocked on Harry's door. "Harry?"

"Sirius?"

"Yes! Can I come in?" he asked.

"Just a moment!"

Sirius grinned. Ah, that brought back memories! Fond memories.

After more than a moment, the door was opened, and Harry smiled at him. He didn't look as if he had been snogging, and neither did the girl sitting on the chair. Both hairstyles and clothes were perfect - nothing out of place. But the bed looked rather rumpled. "Nice styling charms," Sirius commented. Both of the kids blushed, and he grinned widely.

"What do you want?" Harry asked.

"I'm just checking up on my favourite godson." Sirius grew more serious. "You - both of you - have been through a lot, and I thought I could offer some advice. I've been in similar situations, after all. And I'm not a parent of either of you, so my lips are sealed!"

Harry Potter liked Sirius. He really did. His godfather was the best - he was funny, always willing to help Harry with his problems, generous and much less strict than Mum and Dad.

He was also very much interrupting Harry and Hermione's snogging session. And teasing them about it. If only they had thought of making the bed before opening the door!

But what was done was done. Harry sighed.

"Hello, Mr Black," Hermione said, still blushing.

"Oh, call me Sirius! Any friend of Harry is a friend of mine. And Harry's girlfriend certainly qualifies. As a friend, not a girlfriend, of course." Sirius chuckled at his own joke.

Hermione glanced at Harry.

"Just call him Sirius, or he'll never let up," Harry told him. "You'll get used to it."

"Alright." She nodded, though a bit hesitantly. "Sirius it is, then."

"Great!" Sirius stepped in and closed the door. "Privacy Charms? I don't think your sister will be listening at the door, but it's good to get into the habit."

"We still have to learn the charms," Hermione told him. "We actually discussed it today."

"And we came to the conclusion that we'd rather pick something that Mum hasn't crafted herself and doesn't know," Harry added. Mum might know counterspells that left the charm in place but allowed her to listen in anyway.

Sirius chuckled. "Do you really think Lily would listen in on you?"

Harry frowned. "I don't really think so. But she's been acting… weird. As if she were afraid I'd break down or something." She might think that she had to keep an eye on Harry all the time.

"We weren't captured or hurt. Not seriously," Hermione added, pursing her lips. "And we didn't kill anyone, either."

Sirius sighed and looked around, then waved his wand and conjured an armchair for himself. "I'm not going to say that you will have a breakdown or something, but… You did fight several battles against a man-eating monster and Barbary Coast pirates. Many adult wizards and witches would be shaken after that."

"Well, we're not. Not seriously," Harry said. He was fine.

Sirius didn't look at him but at the window and sighed deeply. "Back in the war, we've had people in the Order who didn't kill anyone or get hurt, but they still… It was too much for them. They couldn't handle the danger and the whole… war. They shifted to treating the wounded and helping in other ways. But others… They seemed fine, but they couldn't handle it afterwards." He snorted. "Merlin's beard, I drank a bottle of Firewhisky per week in the first few months after the war!"

Harry hadn't known that. His parents and their friends didn't like to talk about the war, but they had told him some stories. But never that.

"Oh." Hermione bit her lower lip. "But you fought for years, didn't you?"

"I did. But it wasn't as if we had a battle every other day. Most of the time, we were waiting. Waiting for someone to find an enemy safehouse or base, waiting for the enemy to attack somewhere so we could attack them, waiting for our friends to get better… You've had, what, five pitched fights in a single week?"

"More than a week," Hermione corrected him. "And only if you count the fights with the wyvern as separate."

"Well, as long as you could sleep between them, they count," Sirius told her. "Anyway - it's been a day since you returned. Please don't underestimate this. The shock can hit you any time, anywhere." He leaned forward. "And you're still twitchy."

"'Twitchy'?" Harry tilted his head.

"We're just cautious," Hermione retorted.

"It means you're not yet back from the island, so to speak. You still act as if you get attacked at any moment," Sirius explained. "You act like Mad-Eye Moody."

"Isn't Moody the best Auror in the Ministry?" Harry asked.

"He's the one best for dealing with the worst dark wizards," Sirius replied. "But he's got a lot of trouble just… living peacefully. You don't want to be like him. He's accidentally hexed quite a few people."

"We haven't hexed anyone in England since we returned," Hermione said. With another blush, she added: "And everything else was at Hogwarts." She raised her chin in that cute manner of hers.

Harry nodded. "We've got it under control."

"No nightmares, then?"

Oh. Harry opened his mouth to deny it, then closed it again and glanced at Hermione.

But Sirius was already shaking his head. "That's not a good sign."

"You don't need to be traumatised to have nightmares," Hermione told him.

"And we can handle that - we had nightmares on the island as well," Harry added. Though they had been together, then.

He looked at Hermione again. She was still biting her lower lip before she said: "We can't exactly get therapy. Not without potentially causing a lot of trouble for our parents - and the Ministry - by making it appear that we were the victims of a kidnapping attempt that wasn't reported. And even if we found a muggle therapist who would treat us, we couldn't tell him the truth, so we'd have to make up a story, and that would defeat the therapy's purpose. Unless there are wizarding therapists, but I've never heard of any."

Neither had Harry. "I think Mum and Dad would've mentioned them by now if they existed."

"I don't know of any, in any case," Sirius said. Harry wondered if Sirius knew what a therapist was. "But talking about things helps. And you can talk to me. I won't judge you - Harry knows that."

"Yes." Harry nodded. "Unless he thinks your prank wasn't good enough."

Hermione frowned. "You helped Harry with his 'pranks' against me?"

Harry winced.

Hermione Granger was livid. Harry's godfather had helped him in his feud with her? "How many of the 'pranks' were your idea?"

Mr Black leaned back a little. "I just gave him some tips, and I helped him learn from his mistakes!"

"Really?" she spat, then glanced at Harry.

Her boyfriend winced again. "More or less. He did suggest some ideas, but I rejected most of them."

"Ah." That explained a few hexes. "And special lessons?"

"Those were for duelling!" Harry protested.

And she had regularly lost her duels with him. Sometimes in embarrassing ways. She clenched her teeth at the memories.

"Of course, some duelling spells also make good pranking spells," Mr Black said. "Well, not so good if people saw you use them in the ring, but it wasn't as if anyone doubted that a prank on you would be Harry's work, was it?"

That… that… She clenched her teeth. An adult, helping a teenager against another teenager!

"Sirius mostly helped me learn from my mistakes," Harry said.

Which was bad enough, in her opinion. Almost cheating!

"And he did! For the entire last year, I didn't help at all. Except for a few paltry tricks." Mr Black smiled. "And it's all moot now, anyway, since you're together, right?"

She glanced at Harry again. He was smiling at her - though rather weakly. "And you got me good as well," he said.

She huffed. That wasn't the point. "I've had to search the library and book shops for spells and ideas! I didn't have anyone to plan my revenge with!"

"Sirius didn't do the planning for me!" Harry protested. "He just pointed out mistakes after the fact."

She huffed again. That was still a substantial help.

"Harry had to learn for himself, after all," Mr Black explained. "You don't get good if others do your work for you."

"And if I had used your ideas, everyone would've known it wasn't my idea," Harry commented.

"That, and Lily warned me." Mr Black grinned. Hermione decided that she had to thank Mrs Potter for that. "Anyway, it's not important any more, is it? You've gotten past that feud and are a couple!" Mr Black went on.

Harry nodded. After a moment, Hermione nodded as well. But it still remained another reminder of how muggleborns were disadvantaged. Like not being able to cast spells over the holidays.

And this whole pranking affair wasn't over. Far from it, she thought with a scowl at Mr Black.

"So… how are you doing?" Mr Black asked. "Honestly."

"Uh…" Harry glanced at her. "I miss sleeping with you." Hermione felt her cheeks heat up. "Just sleeping, I mean," he hastily added. "Though I miss the other sort of sleeping too. I mean…" He took a deep breath. "It's just… I like holding you when I fall asleep. It's… Nice. Very nice. And safe."

She slowly nodded. Yes. Very nice. And being with Harry felt safe. Was safe. "Yes. It would certainly help with the nightmares. It did on the island," she added before she could help herself, then blushed again.

Mr Black chuckled. "Well, that's a good excuse for sharing a bed with your girlfriend if I ever heard any!"

"It's not like that!" Harry protested. "It's not as if we need an excuse for, you know, that."

Hermione nodded in agreement and moved to sit next to Harry. "It's not as if our parents have tried to forbid us from having sex," she said. "Nor would there be any reason to do so - we use protection and we are old enough. And mature enough." And they had already done it, anyway.

"Yes," Harry said, nodding as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Not disturbing you in your room in the afternoon isn't quite the same as letting you sleep in the same bed," Mr Black retorted.

"It's effectively the same," Hermione objected. "I don't know about Harry's parents, but my parents won't see any difference." They better not, she added to herself.

Harry, though, seemed a little unsure. "Well, it should be the same. But it's also, like… I mean, we'd be practically living together." He blushed.

"Well, you make a good argument, though even if your parents agree, I doubt McGonagall will be convinced."

Right. Hogwarts. They would be at Hogwarts in a bit more than five weeks. Confined to dorm rooms. Hermione scowled again. Even though it was perfectly sensible, given their ordeal, she couldn't disagree with Mr Black's assessment. Professor McGonagall was rather overly strict when it came to such things.

"Well, we can get around that, I'm sure," Harry said. He grinned at Mr Black. "Provided you help us out a little."

Hermione frowned. "How so?"

"Sirius and my dad were experts at evading Mr Filch and the teachers and prefects," Harry explained with a grin.

Mr Black cleared his throat. "I don't like to brag…"

"Sure you don't," Harry interrupted him.

Mr Black continued unfazed: "...but in our days, we were the undisputed masters of pranking, spelunking and any other nightly, rule-breaking activities you could think of."

"And how exactly would you solve the practical problems of having to sleep in separate dorms while wishing to sleep together without alerting either the staff or our roommates to our presumably alternate sleeping arrangements?" Hermione asked.

"I have a few ideas!" Mr Black replied with a wide grin.

"...and if you spell the curtains closed and leave a decoy or something, no one will be the wiser," Sirius said. "If you snore, you can record it and play it back, fooling everyone." He frowned. "But only do it if your roommates can cast a Silencing Charm, or they might do something to your bed to stop you with other means, which will get you discovered."

Sirius was speaking from experience, Harry Potter guessed. He nodded - this sounded workable.

Hermione looked a little sceptical, though. "You think this will work for the whole term? Use an invisibility cloak or Disillusionment Charm to sneak into Harry's bed while leaving a decoy in my bed?"

"Why wouldn't it?" Sirius shrugged.

"I don't snore," Hermione said.

Harry cleared his throat. "You don't snore too, ah, loudly," he told her.

That earned him a glare. But it was the truth.

"It's a good thing," Sirius said. "Also, didn't you tell me that Hermione's bed had so many spells on it, it would be insane to approach, much less disturb it, anyway, Harry?"

"What?" Hermione pulled away a little and glared at him.

Harry winced. "That was a year ago."

"You were planning to enter my dorm?" Hermione frowned.

"I was inside your room," Harry corrected her. "But I didn't have enough time to get through your protections."

Hermione blinked. "But the stairs… and the windows… did you fly up the stairs?"

Harry grinned. "Yes. I used Dad's cloak and my broom."

"I knew I should've protected the door even better, but Lavender said it was getting to be a chore to enter, and the others agreed with her," Hermione grumbled. "Wait! That's how you got that potion into my shampoo!"

Harry winced again. "But you got me back - and you were definitely in my room to hex my clothes!"

"Girls are allowed to enter a boy's rooms," she countered. "Otherwise, the stairs would be enchanted to keep them out."

Harry wasn't quite sure if it worked like that, but he wasn't going to argue against the idea of Hermione visiting his room. Now that she wasn't going to hex him or curse his stuff, at least.

"See? It's even allowed. Sort of," Sirius said.

"It's still quite tricky," Hermione objected. "Even using a Disillusionment Charm, I would need to avoid stumbling into someone for the entire term. And hope no prefect uses a Human-presence-revealing Charm."

"They do that?" Sirius wondered.

Harry and Hemione nodded at the same time. "It's sort of our fault," Harry admitted. "Some of our pranks missed the target, so the prefects started to step up their game."

"Ah." Sirius grinned. "Well done! But we have ways to avoid the prefects - or anyone else - easily!"

"The map?" Harry blurted out. "You're making a map for us?"

Sirius nodded with a smile. "Oh, yes! Lily said we couldn't make another one just to help you with pranks, but this isn't a prank! It's a necessary help for you to cope with your experiences."

"What map are you talking about?" Hermione wanted to know.

"It's the Marauder's Map," Sirius proudly explained. "An enchanted map of Hogwarts and environs that shows everyone in the area."

Hermione blinked. "Updated in real-time?"

Sirius looked confused, so Harry answered: "Yes, exactly. And it was spelt against unauthorised users."

"We lost it in our seventh year." Sirius sighed. "Never got it back from Filch - I think Dumbledore took it to use it - but I can make a new one, with a little help from James, Remus and Peter. If we can drag Peter off from wherever Dumbledore sent him."

"But if Dumbledore has the original map, he'll see us moving around as well!" Hermione pointed out.

"Did he ever attempt to stop your pranks?" Sirius chuckled. "As long as you don't hurt anyone, Dumbledore doesn't really care about what you do."

"His definition of 'hurt' must be quite strict," Hermione muttered.

Harry raised his eyebrows at her - which he had had to regrow once at least due to her hexes - and she had the grace to blush a little.

"Well, he's also a firm believer in letting people work things out," Sirius added. "Something about not wanting to intervene in a fight if he can help it. But as I said - he won't be bothered by you sleeping together."

"If he isn't bothered by couples sleeping with each other, why do our prefects have to check broom closets on their patrol?" Hermione asked.

"Oh, that's mostly a throwback to the time before the Statute of Secrecy, when people - mostly girls - were supposed to marry as virgins," Sirius explained. "The enchantments on the stairs of the girls' dorms also date back to that time. No one really cares about that any more - not even my own parents did, though they didn't have a daughter - but try changing the rules in the Hogwarts charter! Changing the laws in the Wizengamot is easy in comparison! Some people think whatever rules the Founders put down should be sacrosanct, and most of them you'll find amongst the board of governors."

Hermione looked as if she didn't believe him, so Harry nodded. "Mum complains a lot about this when she talks about Hogwarts."

"Yes. Don't worry about Dumbledore," Sirius added.

"And does Professor McGonagall share this stance?" Hermione asked.

Sirius winced.

"I thought so." Hermione Granger nodded. Professor McGonagall was a great teacher. Firm but just, mostly - she had some biases against justified retribution, as Hermione had found out - and she was a master at her subject. But she was also very strict when it came to enforcing the rules. Especially in her House. Hermione couldn't see the woman ignore two students sleeping together in the dorms. Or breaking curfew.

"What she doesn't know she can't punish!" Mr Black said with a grin.

"Do you expect us to be able to fool Professor McGonagall indefinitely?" Hermione raised her eyebrows. There was a saying about fooling some people all the time, but the professor certainly wasn't amongst them.

"Probably not," Mr Black replied. "She's a sharp one. But long enough so you don't need to sleep together any more to deal with nightmares?" He cocked his head. "I taught Harry well enough for that, and you kept up with him in your feud, didn't you?"

She nodded. She'd kept up despite Harry getting help from Mr Black.

"We should be able to do that," Harry said.

Hermione felt a stab in her heart. While it was logical that their nightmares would get better as time passed - which fit what she had read about such experiences - she liked sleeping with Harry. Waking up with him, feeling his warmth beneath her, seeing his chest rise and fall while he was still sleeping… She bit her lower lip. "Yes, I concur," she said, nodding.

"And I'm curious to find out how long you can fool her," Mr Black added. "She had some uncanny talent to find us, but we managed to get her number in our last year."

Hermione didn't want to treat this as an experiment or a competition. It was too vital for them. For a variety of reasons. She looked at Harry. "We need contingencies, though. Just in case." They would have to ensure their roommates wouldn't spoil things. Hermione trusted Lavender, and her other roommates knew better than to annoy her, but while Ron could be trusted, probably, she didn't know about Harry's other roommates. And even if they didn't mean to betray Harry and her, sometimes, people made mistakes and revealed things they didn't want to. Or trusted the wrong people.

Her eyes widened. "Oh dear lord - the gossip!"

Mr Black frowned. "The gossip?"

"If people learn of our relationship, they'll go crazy," Hermione explained. The usual gossip about couples was bad enough. But Harry and she had achieved some fame, of sorts, at Hogwarts. Or infamy. And the two of them getting together… that would fuel the rumour mill for months. And produce the most exaggerated hearsay.

"Oh, right," Harry muttered. "They'll make things up. Hell, they'll assume we're sleeping together no matter if we actually do!"

Hermione nodded. That fit her own experiences. "If Professor McGonagall listens to gossip…"

"But would she?" Mr Black asked. "She seems to be above such things."

"It'll give her probable cause," Hermione said. "She would be justified to check up on us, for example."

"Probable cause?" Mr Black frowned. "Why would she need an excuse or pretext to check on you? That's what Heads of Houses do."

"It's still unfair that a teacher can use fake rumours like that," Harry protested.

"It's amusing, though," Mr Black retorted. "In any case, it's not an insurmountable problem. You could hide your relationship, for example."

She shook her head. "No. I already told Lavender - and I didn't swear her to silence. And Rose knows."

"And Ron." Harry sighed. "Damn. People will expect us to be sleeping together. That's going to be a problem."

"Are you complaining that people are making up rumours about you two sleeping together while you are planning to do exactly that?" Mr Black asked with a chuckle.

"It's…" Harry trained off.

"It's not the same," Hermione chimed in. She nodded firmly. "Making up lies in lieu of actual knowledge should never be tolerated, much less rewarded!" The Prophet was the best example of what happened if one tolerated such antics.

"Unless it's a Divination Test!" Harry grinned.

Hermione narrowed her eyes at him. One didn't joke about tests. To suggest that you could just make up visions, while Lavender worked so hard at Divination… She huffed.

And Mr Black snorted. "What did I tell you, Harry? Never mock Divination; the witches love it."

"Can we concentrate on how to keep Professor McGonagall from discovering our planned sleeping arrangements?" Hermione asked with a frown. "She won't be fooled by a decoy or a recording. And she can enter either of our dorms."

Harry looked at Mr Black, who shrugged. "We solved it by having one of us track her whenever we were out after curfew. When she left her quarters, we had ample time to avoid her - or return to our dorms."

"We can't exactly sleep together if one of us has to stand guard at all times," Harry pointed out.

"And we can't exactly expect others to do it for us," Hermione added.

"Oh, but I wouldn't say that!" Sirius grinned. "You've got a few hundred potential employees at Hogwarts."

'A few hundred'? Hermione blinked. He couldn't mean the other students, could he? They needed their sleep, and how many of them could be trusted? So… "The elves!" she blurted out.

"Exactly!"

Harry Potter blinked. "You want to hire the House-Elves to cover for us?"

"Yes," Sirius confirmed.

"All of them? That'll cost a fortune!" Harry blurted out.

Sirius shook his head. "No, no - not all of them. That would be pointless. Just one or two."

"That'll still be expensive," Harry pointed out. If they weren't expensive, surely Mum and Dad would hire one - neither was fond of doing chores, after all.

"No, no!" Sirius grinned. "House-Elves are actually quite cheap to hire - they love working."

"Really?" Harry narrowed his eyes. His godfather had to be pulling his leg! "Why doesn't Mum and Dad hire one, then?" Harry wasn't fond of doing chores, either.

"Well, it's not the gold - it's the conditions that elves demand." Sirius leaned forward. "You know Kreacher."

"Oh, yes." Harry sighed.

"Kreacher?" Hermione asked.

"Sirius's House-Elf," Harry explained. "He's… a piece of work."

"Not quite correct," Sirius said, wagging his finger. "Kreacher is a piece of work, but he isn't my elf - he's the House-Elf of the Black family."

"And you're the Head of the family, aren't you?" Hermione asked. "You sit on the Blacks' seat in the Wizengamot."

"And I have the gaudy signet ring I need to seal all my official correspondence, and mouldy old robes I have to put on should anyone ever call for a Great Coven again - which no one has since before the Statute of Secrecy." Sirius nodded. "Yes, I am the Head of the family. As small as it is these days. However, Kreacher's contract is about as old as those robes - and the contract grants him the exclusive right to be our House-Elf. I could fire him, but the penalties for breaking his contract without due cause… Well, let's say the price would be too high, and I'm not just talking about gold."

"He calls you names every time he turns his back on you," Harry pointed out.

"Yes. And that's covered by his contract," Sirius said, sighing. "As long as I'm not married, nagging me about my 'duty to the family' falls amongst his duties. And the little bugger really wants a new generation of Blacks. Anyway, that's just one of the clauses in his contract. There are a lot of others. Like he gets to pick most of my meals that he cooks."

Hermione looked puzzled. "Why would your ancestors have agreed to such a deal?"

"Prestige," Sirius said. "Few families have a House-Elf working for them. Most of the elves work at Hogwarts."

"Why?" Hermione shook her head. "If they could exhort such conditions from a family, surely they could find a family who'd take them on for the gain in prestige."

"Well, they love children, or so I was told," Sirius explained. "Kreacher certainly likes to spoil them. And they supposedly love Hogwarts." He shrugged. "When I asked Dumbledore, he merely said that the Founders knew what they were doing when they picked the location for Hogwarts and hired elves. It could be that the elves who work for families are the snobs of them - those too good to work at school. I'm no expert on elves." He shrugged again.

"You grew up with an elf," Hermione pointed out.

"Yes. And I took him for granted." Sirius chuckled. "Anyway, elves like the students, and they like taking side-jobs. If the Headmaster hadn't forbidden them from talking to the students about work unless talked to first, they would be pestering you for jobs and tasks all the time." He grinned. "We found that out in our seventh year when we hired two of them to keep eyes on the teachers. We also had to supply them with muggle drinks every week, and they got to pick the undershirts we wore. And let me tell you: Nothing kills the mood faster than a green woollen undershirt with pink and brown dots. Especially in Summer."

Uh. Harry grimaced.

"Why would they do that?" Hermione shook her head.

"Beats me." Sirius shrugged once again. "Maybe they made those shirts? Or it's their way to prank us. All I know is that once you make a contract with a House-Elf, you don't break it."

Harry nodded.

"Duly noted," Hermione added.

"Anyway, by hiring two of them - I can tell you whom we hired if you don't mind wearing ugly underwear - you should be able to outmanoeuvre McGonagall," Sirius went on.

"Wouldn't they tell her about us if she asked?"

"Oh, no! Unless explicitly ordered to obey a teacher, they only answer to the Headmaster. Dumbledore said that was one of the best tools to keep the teachers in line." Sirius laughed.

Harry chuckled, as did Hermione.

"But that means we'll have to be ready - well, I have to be ready - to return to my dorm at a moment's notice," she said after a moment. "Whenever McGonagall leaves her quarters and heads into the direction of our dorms."

That wouldn't be a peaceful sleep.

"Well, it's not a perfect solution," Sirius said. "But it'll be good enough, I think. McGonagall won't check every night."

Hermione didn't look like she shared Sirius's opinion. Harry wasn't certain, either. "We'll have to work on a better solution," he said.

"That's the spirit!" Sirius beamed at them. "Tell me when you figure something out!"

A while later, they were back in the Potters' living room, and Hermione Granger, seated on a couch, was still trying to come up with a better solution. She wasn't looking forward to shuttling back and forth between her bed and Harry's whenever a teacher came close to the Gryffindor dorms. That wouldn't be conducive to a decent night's sleep. Even though at least Harry's owl would be in the owlery - it wasn't easy to relax with the bird glaring at her as soon as Harry turned his back,

But she couldn't think of a good way to avoid that. Except for quite improbable possibilities, such as turning their beds into Vanishing Cabinets or using Portkeys. The former would take far too long, even if they had the skills or found someone with the needed experience, to pull it off. The latter… Well, travel by Portkey would interrupt her sleep anyway, even if they managed to find a Portkey.

And after getting stranded by one on a desert island, Hermione was a little suspicious of Portkeys, anyway.

Apparition didn't work at Hogwarts and was a thoroughly uncomfortable experience as well - and wouldn't prevent the need to return to her bed at all. The same went for using the House-Elftunnels. Shrinking yourself was a chancy business at the best of times.

She clenched her teeth. This was a vexing situation.

"Still pondering the problem?" Harry asked in a low voice next to her.

"Yes."

He didn't ask if she had made any progress. Her tone had left no doubt about that. Sighing, she added: "Sorry." It wasn't his fault.

"What are you whispering about?" Rose asked from the dining table, where she was taking notes on Potions. Why Harry's sister wasn't working in her room, Hermione couldn't fathom.

"Nothing!" Harry told her.

"Nothing, sure," his sister snapped back.

"Nothing that would concern you," Hermione told her - quite correctly. "We're just discussing a few private things."

"Ew!" Rose shook her head.

"Not that!" Harry protested. "And if we did, it would be fine and none of your business, either!" he hastily added when Hermione gave him a look. Good.

"I'm not interested in your 'private things' anyway."

"That's why you're down here, huh?"

"Why are you here, and not snogging in your bed?"

Hermione was tempted to tell the girl off, but she was a guest here. "We're here because my parents will soon arrive for dinner," she said instead.

"Unless Dad's working late," Rose told her.

"He'll make time for this," Harry said.

"Of course he will!"

Hermione couldn't tell if Rose took more offence to the suggestion that Harry's father would be late or that he wouldn't be late. And she wasn't sure she wanted to know - she was just glad she didn't have a sibling if this was normal.

But right then, Mr Potter arrived in the middle of the living room with the typical popping sound of Apparition, together with Hermione's parents.

"Hi, Mum, Dad!" she greeted them. "Hello, Mr Potter."

Mum blinked, shaking her head. "I'll never get used to this," she said.

Dad nodded in apparent agreement. He also looked a little green.

"Many wizards never get used to it, either," Mr Potter said. "But it remains the most useful mode of magical transportation in most urgent situations."

"I can imagine," Mum said.

"And we'll be learning it next year," Hermione pointed out. She couldn't wait. She was of half a mind to ask Mr Black to teach her - and Harry. He owed her for intervening in her past conflict with Harry, after all. But when she would be learning Apparition anyway in the next few months, it would be a waste of a favour.

Dad mumbled something that sounded like 'I'm not going to train that with you' under his breath.

Mum glared at him, then smiled at Hermione. "I hope you enjoyed your afternoon. Did you cast many spells?"

Hermione felt her cheeks redden. They hadn't really cast many spells. "A few," she said, trying to keep her composure as she lied: "I didn't want to rush things."

Harry nodded without saying anything.

Judging by the glances Mum and Dad exchanged, they hadn't been fooled. And looking at Mr Potter's amused expression, neither had he.

Hermione suppressed a sigh. This probably wouldn't be a good time to mention their plans for dealing with their nightmares. 'Mum, Dad, we can have sex at Hogwarts anyway, even without breaking any rules, it's the sleeping together that's the problem' didn't sound very convincing when your parents assumed - correctly - that you had just spent most of your afternoon in bed with your boyfriend.

"Ah, young love!" Mr Black said into the sudden silence. "I remember how I was at this age! I'd have spent the whole day in bed with my love if I could!"

"Sirius!" Harry hissed.

Hermione drew a sharp breath and glared at the man. What was he thinking? Or not thinking, as she suspected.

"What?" Mr Black shook his head. "Do you really think your parents weren't aware of what you were doing? Heh, what do you think James and Lily were doing during their first holiday as a couple?"

"I hope this is a rhetorical question, Sirius." Mrs Potter stood in the doorway. Her frown made Mr Black obviously uncomfortable, but she turned to greet Hermione's parents without further comment. "Hello, Ellen, Gabriel."

"Hello, Lily."

Hermione frowned. Since when were her parents on a first name basis with Mrs Potter? This wasn't the case with Mr Potter.

She must have missed something. That might complicate the upcoming dinner table conversation.