Summary: The other guilds discuss how no one in Fairy Tal ever seems to stay dead….

Pairings: General friendship and family feels.

Author's Note: Thank you all for giving me over TWELVE THOUSAND AND TWO HUNDRD reviews!

Fairy Tail was partying again.

It really shouldn't surprise the other guilds seeing as Fairy Tail had the reputation of being the nosiest, most chaotic, insane guild ever to grace the face of the planet. So of course they would instantly start a party before seeking medical care after a gigantic war that ripped their country apart.

Yet, something still niggled at the other guilds.

"It's just…it's weird, right?" Lyon spoke up. "I mean….people usually stay dead when they die, right?"

"Urgh!" Jenny scrunched her nose up in disgust. "Do you have to be so morbid to talk about dead people?!"

"I just meant!" Lyon said flustered. "That their guild master died, right? He was literally a corpse one minute and then suddenly sitting up, completely fine the next."

"I wouldn't say completely fine," Rogue muttered as he eyed the frail, elderly man cowering beneath Fairy Tail's formidable healer's glare. "I suspect his health isn't the best."

"But he's still alive!" Lyon stressed. "And so are all the other guild members despite Zeref and his goons' best attempts to murder them all. Juvia was literally at death's door from her own attempted suicide, Natsu had some sort of freakish growing and shrinking tumour, Laxus was literally coughing up blood at one point, someone tried to blind Lucy, and wasn't she also almost strangled to death? I distinctly remember her and Cana talking about it earlier."

"Yeah," Sting shrugged, "people try to kill Fairy Tail all the time. I think we've all been there trying at least once ourselves as well. What's the point?"

"The point is someone should be dead and they're not!"

"Jeeze Lyon!" Chelia wrinkled her nose. "Do you have to be so horrible? So no one died! That's a good thing! None of us died either!"

"No," Jenny murmured softly as she eyed Ichiya with concern, "it was a close call."

"I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining!" Lyon protested.

"Are you sure?" Minerva muttered under her breath.

"I'm just saying it isn't natural," Lyon stressed, purposely ignoring Minerva, "I mean think back to every single battle we've been in with Fairy Tail and at least one of them is literally on death's door and suddenly, miraculously, they all recover. Just like that!" he snapped his fingers. "It's like they have super-healing powers or something."

"Wendy is part of their guild," Chelia reminded Lyon softly.

"Yeah but she's not always there!" Lyon stressed. "Or that effective. Remember when Gray literally died in my arms?! You couldn't heal him but a minute later he was alive and well again!"

"That was because time had been literally rewinded on us."

"Well what about Lisanna Strauss?" Lyon demanded. "She was dead for three years and then she suddenly came back as if she had been on vacation?"

"Yeah," Hibiki said uncomfortably, "Fairy Tail had always been really vague about that one."

"You see!" Lyon cried out melodramatically "Unnatural! And remember Tenrou Island where majority of them were supposed to be dead for seven years?"

"Men!" Ichiya burst out. "That was because they were trapped in a time bubble!"

"Were they?" Lyon asked. "Or were they hiding in an underwater lair working on their immortality formula?"

"….Jura is right. You read far too many comic books," Chelia shook her head. "You brain has rotted all the way through."

"Oh come on!" Lyon shouted in frustration. "They never die even when they do and they're pretty much invincible and indestructible. I bet you anything they're Zombies!"

"Zombies?!" half the group scoffed while the other half yelped in surprise. "Please!" Minerva added snarkily, "if they were immortal they wouldn't be zombies. Zombies decompose, zombies are mindless, and zombies are always in need of more brains. Plus we would have noticed if they were zombies. The smell is a bit of a giveaway."

"I dunno," String grinned cheekily, "Natsu is always in need of more brains. And Fairy Tail members rarely smell nice with all the sweat and blood and fire they cause wherever they go. Maybe there's some truth in Lyon's theory."

"Ew!" Millianna squealed in distress. "I don't want them to be zombies. The poor kitties! Their tails would fall off and their lovely fur would be smelly with rot. It would be a tragedy!"

"Millianna," Kagura said sternly, "don't let yourself get dragged into this nonsense. Fairy Tail is not filled with zombies. They're just incredibly strong-willed people and deserve our respect."

She shot a swift glare at Lyon at this.

"I have plenty of respect for Fairy Tail!" Lyon snapped defensively. "They're all great. They're just unnaturally alive, that's all!"

"Yeah, but Zombies?" Hibiki said sceptically. "Vampires would make more sense."

"Vampires?!"

"Yeah!" Jenny leaped to Hibiki's defence. "Think about it! Vampires are super-strong, super-fast, have some sort of powerful glamour magic, are super-beautiful, are always out at night, and never die. Who does that sound like?"

They all slowly turned to look at Fairy Tail, all of which were super-strong, super-fast, powerfully magical, super-beautiful people that always liked to party throughout the night and never died….

"Erza has been giving my neck intensive looks!" Ichiya said brightly. "Perhaps she wants to suck my blood? I would be honoured for my perfume to be mixed with hers while my strong blood gives her substance. Men!"

"I think Erza has been fantasying breaking your neck not sucking your blood," Minerva said bluntly, "like we all have," she added under her breath.

"I dunno," Sting said, "I think Zombies are more likely. Vampires are all cold and calculating. Fairy Tail couldn't calculate its way out of a paper bag. One of them would lose their temper with the other and destroy it in the process of beating each other up. Typical Zombie behaviour."

"Zombies are easily killed by fire!" Jenny pointed out. "Natsu would have accidentally murdered himself years ago. It has to be Vampires!"

"Vampires burn quickly too," Lyon said coolly, "and they don't go out in the sun. I've seen them all in the sun before."

"Not all Vampires burn in daylight," Rogue murmured, "perhaps they're one of those?"

"Please! The only sparkly vampire I see here is Ichiya." Several Blue Pegasus members gasped melodramatically at that and glared ferociously at Sting but they were ignored entirely and since Ichiya appeared unbothered by the slight they let it go. "It's got to be Zombies!"

"Nuh-uh!" Jenny shook her head childishly. "It's Vampires!"

"Zombies!"

"Vampires!"

"Zombies!"

"Vampires!"

"Zombies!"

"Vampires!"

"Zombies!"

"Vampires!"

"Zombies!"

"Vampires!"

"Zombies!"

"Vampires!"

"Zombies!"

"Vampires!"

"Zombies!"

"Vampires!"

"Zombies!"

"Vampires!"

"Zombies!"

"Vampires!"

"ZOMBIES!"

"VAMPIRES!"

"Hey guys!" Natsu called out cheerfully as he – and all the other confused and slightly tipsy Fairy Tail members – suddenly approached the other guilds. "Why are you lot arguing? It's a party! You should have fun and join us."

Everyone in the group's eyes suddenly bulged out of their sockets at the words join us as the mental images of having their blood sucked or their brains nibbled on haunted them.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Everyone screamed fearfully as they suddenly all leaped away as far from Fairy Tail as possible. "STAY AWAY YOU CRAZY VAMPIRIC ZOMBIES! YOU'RE NOT SUCKING OUR BLOOD OR EATING OUR BRAINS!"

And with that Lamia Scale, Blue Pegasus, and Sabertooth all ran as fast as they could out of Magnolia.

(Leaving Mermaid Heel, the only sensible guild left, to face palm in embarrassment….apart from Millianna who promptly kidnapped Happy for a smothering hug.)

The whole guild of Fairy Tail blinked bewilderedly in unison.

"….What the fuck was that all about?!"