Loki finds welcome with Shuri and Peter. They are patient, gentle, and lively. He lets them shine, but only allows them brief glimpses into his own heart. Sometimes he simply sits beside while they play. A part of him wonders if he should be saying something when they act like children, but he reminds himself that this is Odin's voice, one he learned too well, and they have both experienced war and need to play. He wishes he could justify the same for himself.
When the teenagers roughhouse and Peter stumbles into Loki, Peter and Shuri start to get a better idea of what his experiences have done to him. They fall to the floor, Peter landing on top of Loki, and he freezes after he catches himself, panic taking over his senses, eyes wide, heart racing. He has to fight his instincts to fling the teen off him with the full force of his strength.
Peter scrambles off him, "Oh my god, Mr. Loki, I'm so sorry. Are you OK?"
Loki, on his knees, his hands planted on the floor under him, doesn't say anything. His eyes stay closed, but he slowly nods.
"That...doesn't seem very OK," Peter says. He sits beside Loki, legs crossed, "What can we do?"
Shuri settles in beside Peter, "Loki? Say something so we know you're not injured."
"I'm not," Loki manages, "Just...I'll be fine."
"Should we get Thor?" Peter asks.
"No."
Shuri sighs, "This is bigger than this moment, isn't it?" He nods again. "You aren't the first person living with trauma I've walked beside. You don't need to hide it."
Loki shakes his head, "I don't want to talk about this."
"But we won't know how to help if you don't say anything," Peter counters, "Can you at least tell us what caused it? Was it being run into, falling, me landing on you...?"
Loki slowly sits, tucking his knees to his chest, "Mostly the landing – not being able to move. So long as I can keep moving, I'm fine. I'm a soldier – being hit is what I'm used to. Being pinned, however...let's just say I've been trapped under things I didn't know if I'd get out from and I've been restrained in ways that left me wishing I would die."
Peter sighs, "I'm sorry, Mr. Loki. I didn't know."
"It was an accident, Peter. You couldn't know I'd respond this way. I didn't know I'd respond this way. I'm only just discovering what does and doesn't cause a reaction."
"Like people walking behind you making you nervous," Shuri says, "Or was that one you knew before?"
"That one was from before, but not nearly as bad as it is now. Everything seems to be worse after Thanos tried strangling me. Things I'd simply pushed aside before then have come to full force since and I'm remembering far more than I'd like to."
"From when he had you before?" Peter asks.
"Yes, from after I fell from the Bifrost."
Shuri nods, "It is likely encountering him again triggered those memories – and then, of course, you were dusted by him. And you had to then kill him. This isn't simply about the strangling. It's that this man has destroyed your life over and over again." She offers him her hand and he takes it, "Loki...a mind doesn't simply forget things like this, nor does eliminating the threat fix everything. As much as we want it to...this road is long and some people make peace with their memories while others don't."
"I know," Loki replies, "Barnes said much of the same thing."
"His mind was so tangled when he came here – we had so much to work through."
Peter nods, "Well...I'm not going to be much use untangling a brain, but I can give hugs. Want one?"
Loki squeezes Shuri's hand and lets it drop, "Yes, I think I would."
Peter scoots closer and very gently hugs Loki, "There," he says as he sits back, "That OK? Not too long?"
"No, Peter. That was just right."
It's a question Peter asks every time. Loki has told the teenagers very little about what happened to him in Thanos' world – just enough for them to know he was tortured and broken and because of that, there are things that he cannot do. And he told them the Grandmaster asked things of him he gave unwillingly as payment for security, but he won't reveal more than that. The most graphic of anything he's shared has been his death on Svartalfheim.
When he told them about his role in the attack on New York, Shuri had taken it in stride, but Peter had struggled to understand it, not because the story didn't make sense, but because he had been a child in a city under siege. He'd taken a day to think and then come back to Loki with the offer of a hug and cookies. It was then that Loki knew these children were, along with Bucky, his first Midgardian friends.
Sitting on the floor together, Loki takes a few deep breaths and tries to centre himself. Peter and Shuri breathe with him, as they've done before when he's been overwhelmed. In a few minutes, he smiles at them and nods.
"So...feeling any better?" Shuri asks.
Loki nods, "Yes, thank you. But I think we need to do something a little less intense today, my friends."
"Yeah...and again, I'm sorry," Peter says.
"You've nothing to be sorry for, Peter."
"I know. I just feel bad. You want to go read to Sleipnir? Shuri's got that book of Wakandan stories and she said there's one about a magic horse. It doesn't have as many legs, but...maybe he'd like it?"
Loki's face brightens, "I think that's a delightful idea, Peter. It's very kind of you to think of him."
Shuri scrambles to her feet and offers Loki her hand, Peter doing the same; he accepts and they help him to his feet, "Shall I meet you down there after I get the book?"
"Nah," Peter says, "Let's just go get it together. Unless you want some time with Sleipnir by yourself?" he asks, turning to Loki.
Loki shakes his head, "No, I think it would be lovely to go together."
Shuri skips ahead, her mood lifting. Peter sticks a little closer to Loki, still feeling a little guilty about the accident. But Loki has no hard feelings for him and by the time they've reached Sleipnir's stable, they're laughing together, the entire incident behind them.
