How could he have ever thought he could hide her? His master knows. That was the one thing the Sith and the Jedi agree on: No attachments.

And he is very attached.

He's going to die. There's no way to avoid it, not now. The only way he could make it through his summons with his head still attached to his body would be to throw himself on his master's mercy, admit everything.

Before her, he wouldn't have had even a moment's hesitation, so desperate to finally quiet the hideous scraping sound of his broken parts shuddering as they fought each other. But now, now he calmly accepts his death as the price for her.

It's a sacrifice he's almost eager to make.

His boots clang along the durasteel as stormtroopers scurry out of his way. If Hux only knew that the fearsome Kylo Ren is on his way to his death ... he can easily imagine his smug face.

And even as his feet carry him to his fate, all he can think of is her.

Rey, Rey, Rey …

Just as his master has bidden, he boards his TIE. He doesn't deviate from any protocol. But instead of the usual trepidation he feels at the prospect of the Supreme Leader's hollow visage, he's filled with a kind of peace. Rey is so strong; he's given her everything she needs to survive. She'll be alright.

And yet.

And yet …

He flies off into the cosmos, away from the Finalizer. It's time to put in the hyperspace coordinates and here is where his hand tremors. She's so alone. She's always been so alone. His fingers seem to move of their own accord as he keys in an altogether different destination than he should.

D'Qar … He's known for far too long where the general has gathered her merry band of misfits. He's never been, and as his ship comes out of hyperspace, he can't help but wonder if Rey will like this place.

It's all he can give her.

Now.

His mother's personal code comes to him immediately, though he hasn't used it in nearly a decade. But before it can even connect, warning alarms blare in his cockpit. Of course they'd already have him in their sights.

And here it comes. He just barely manages to miss the first blast from their ground cannons before another is on its way. It would save them all some time if this was how Kylo Ren meets his end. He lets out a dark, amused sound at the idea that his mother might manage to kill him before Snoke.

Falling into a wide barrel roll, his TIE rocks as the blast clips a wing. A lesser pilot would already be dead; the Resistance isn't looking for a prisoner.

But then the barrage abruptly ends, and a long-missed voice fills his ship.

"First Order vessel, what are your intentions?" The tentativeness of her tone brings hope and anguish in equal measure. How did it come to this? How did he let it?

"Mo-" His voice cracks and he swallows dryly before trying again. "Mother … it's … it's me." He doesn't really know how to identify himself. Not to her.

Her sharp inhale of breath comes across as a high stab of static and then there's an endless silence as he waits. For so long he's tried to tell himself that his family no longer hold any meaning to him, that they belong to a dead boy.

Yet here he is, in his most desperate hour, reaching out to his mother. At the end, he still trusts her … still loves her. What was any of it even for?

"Son …" she murmurs, but then he can almost feel her straighten her spine. "Why are you here?" Her tone is brittle, closed.

"I need to talk to you."

"You or the First Order?" she asks keenly.

"Me …"

"And will your friends be joining you?" She sounds so cold.

"No … I would ne-" He stops himself from denying he would do that, because he knows that, not so long ago, he would have. "No. Just me."

"Just you …" she repeats. "And who are you? My son, Ben, or that monster, Kylo Ren?"

His eyes clench briefly, trying to shut out the chaos in his head. Righteous anger, Ben Solo is dead, Luke made sure of that. He should demand to be called Kylo Ren, his true name … but he can't bear to hear his mother say it, just as he won't let Rey. Then the shame comes for him. The shame that she knows what he's become.

"I don't know," he whispers. "But I'm not here to bring harm to you or your allies."

That thick silence descends again, and his fingers tighten on the controls as he waits for her decision. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe he should have gone to Rey, explained … She's smart, strong, she's free of Plutt forever. But he wants … he wants more for her. Her loneliness howls to the hollowness in his chest and he'd hoped together they could …

It doesn't matter. This is better than him.

Yes. His mother will know how to take her in, like the parade of strays from his childhood. It was foolish of him to even try to make something of his very own.

But he still wouldn't change anything.

"I'll meet you on the landing pad. Do not come armed. I won't hesitate to do what I have to if this is a trap."

Grimly, he replies, "I know."

He should be nervous, but all he feels is time ticking away as he lands. His master knows precisely how long it should take him to make it to the Supremacy and he doesn't have much time before Snoke will know he's been … delayed. What if he knows where he's hidden Rey? What if it's already too late?

Before that line of thought can consume him, he sees his mother standing on the duracrete. He's surprised to find her alone, and now that he's closer to her, he can sense her fear. And her hope.

The cockpit opens and he slowly, carefully descends to the ground. She's yards away, too far to speak, but neither of them move, until she slowly starts to walk towards him.

Her eyes are full of so much pain, and it's as if all the gravity in the galaxy is pulling her down. Did he do this?

Words fill him, but he can't open his mouth. All he can do is stare at her and silently beg for her … forgiveness? Mercy?

Love?

Then, oh gods, his mother is right in front of him and he's still struck dumb.

"Oh, Son … what have you done to yourself?" she asks as her hand comes up and her fingers softly stroke his cheek.

All he can do is close his eyes and remember this feeling. Can anything be so bad if his mother is here?

Placing his hand over his mother's, there's only safety in her touch and he finally opens his eyes to find tears spilling down her cheeks. He's not surprised to find his own eyes stinging.

"I need your help," he says in a low, timid voice.

She won't bring him inside the base, so they've ventured a bit into the nearby forest. It's a stark juxtaposition, the warm sun and singing birds are a strange backdrop to this reunion. At first it all came out in a rush, that he needed her to go to Rey, that she was in danger. He's a bit surprised she hadn't asked about what happened at the temple.

Turning to face him in the clearing, Leia says, "This young woman you want me to help-"

"Rey."

His mother makes a small, knowing smile. "Yes, Rey. Who is she to you?"

The question cuts through his muddled mind and he almost simply says, "Everything." But that's not what she's asking, and he doesn't have an answer. Their beginning is sordid, stilted, and so outside of his usual behavior that he can barely believe it himself. Now? Now he only knows that he's going to die for her.

"She … she's why I'm here."

"I know, what I mean is-"

"No, not like that. She … she's changing me. Changed me. I can't imagine I would have faced-" He shudders and takes a deep breath. "Faced you if it weren't for her."

Leia looks at him appraisingly. "Yes … there's something about her, you. It's strong."

Looking away, confused fear ripples through him.

"Son …" He glances back and she catches his gaze. "You love her."

Smiling bitterly, he begins to shake his head, but it feels wrong to deny it. The truth falls from his lips without any real thought. "I don't know if I can any longer."

Her mouth pulls into a sad expression and her eyes fill with so much compassion. "You can. Just come home, make a life with this girl. Help us."

And just like that, the other path opens up before him, that when Luke tried to kill him, he could have simply gone home. If she's willing to ask him that, after a sea of blood has opened up between them, it would seem he always could.

But instead, he shred his soul, choked his humanity, and ripped his heart from his chest.

He can't even allow himself to imagine a real life with Rey, not when he knows that now it can never be. It's too precious a dream to let fill his empty chest.

Letting out a pained shudder he admits, "I wish I could, you have no idea how much. But … Snoke will never let me go. If he doesn't already know, he'll soon find out where I've hidden her." His master will undoubtedly tear into his mind before he kills him. Unable to look at Leia, he confesses, "I … I don't expect to be alive tomorrow."

"What?" his mother gasps.

"He knows about Rey. He'll demand I kill her to prove my loyalty. I'm sure of it."

"Then we'll keep you safe. Both of you."

A little ripple of hope moves through him, but reality chokes it before it can build. "It's too late for me."

"It's never too late! Remember Darth Vader!"

It stings, the reminder of his family secret, but now really isn't the time. "I do … and he died, too."

She flinches, hard, before pleading, "There has to be a way, there's always a way."

He takes her hands, almost cringing from the contact. Years it had been since he'd reached for anyone until Rey; it's still foreign and fatally familiar.

"M-Mom," he stutters.

Leia looks up and nods hopefully.

"Rey … Rey is all that matters to me now. She's led a hard life and she deserves happiness. Joy. Safety. She could never have that with me. The things I've done …" he trails off.

His mother's voice is tight when she responds, "I know. I've read the reports."

Of course she had. He'd already known that. Leia Organa would never shy away from intelligence.

"He'll hunt me to the ends of the galaxy. I won't do that to her. This is the best I can manage."

"We'll help you, hide you."

"You've no idea what you're facing!" he flares. "Do you think you have a chance against the First Order? The only reason this planet isn't a burning cinder is I intercepted and buried the information!"

Leia pulls back slightly but keeps her hands in his. Sighing, he looks down for a moment, breathing in and out, trying to master himself. His mother deserves so much more from him than this, but time is running out.

"This is the only way." He pulls a data spike from his belt and places it in her hand but keeps her other hand in his. "This is where she is. Go to her, explain what's happened. Tell her … tell her …" Now the tears that have been threatening since he first saw his mother again finally break free. "Tell her that I wanted to give her the galaxy."

"No." She drops his hand and folds her arms in front of her.

"What?" he asks dumbly.

"I said, 'No.' If you want to do this we're going to her together. You tell Rey, face-to-face that you mean to die for her."

He snorts. "I promise, she will forget me swiftly. I've not … we … we aren't a 'we'."

A strange, almost calculating look flits through her eyes. "That's the deal. Explain it to her yourself and I'll care for her like she's my own daughter. You've already ensured Snoke will know you didn't fly straight to him. Will you end up more dead if you make him wait a little longer?" she asks flippantly as she looks at him expectantly.

She's … she's not wrong. In fact, if Snoke is in a rage, he might end him more swiftly. And … he would like to see Rey's shining eyes one last time. Perhaps she'll even let him hold her.

Looking down on his mother, he nods once.

In no time at all, Leia is in an old B-Wing and they're flying tandem through hyperspace. He'd never minded the silence before, but now he itches to continue talking … try to give her some kind of peace, make sure she knows he still loves her. That he never stopped.

But he can't. He can't seem to activate his comm.

So he just dreams of Rey, safe and happy. He hopes Leia will show her Naboo …

Halfway to Rey, his mother is the one to break the silence.

"You don't have to just accept your death," she says, getting straight to the matter.

"It's all I deserve."

"Maybe. But you're still my son. I already lost you, once."

"I know … but at least this way … something good will come from my wretched life."

"Oh, no-"

"Yes! You say you know what I've done, what I've become, but you have no idea what it's done to me!" he bursts out, breathing harshly.

"Won't you at least try?"

"I'm so tired," he admits bitterly. "I just want to be free of this pain."

"And what of Rey?"

He scoffs. "She is far, far better off without me," he argues, his tone thick with self-loathing.

"But-"

"I can't do this," he says shortly as he silences the comm.

If he let her continue, he might start to hope, and he's barely holding it together as it is. He's always known that defying Snoke would bring the might of the First Order down on his head and that's no life for Rey.

No life at all.

Rey throws open the door as they land, her face split in a wide grin. But then she sees the second, unfamiliar ship and her expression closes.

He practically jumps from his ship and strides to her as quickly as he dares. For a moment he forgets what's happened, all he can think of is Rey. Suspicion fills her eyes as he approaches and his own smile falters.

"Who is that?" she asks as soon as he nears her.

Of course she'd be wary of strangers. "Someone I trust." All of him thrums to reach for her, to fall to his knees and beg her forgiveness for the chaos that always follows in his wake. But she's pulled into herself, apprehension written so clearly across her form.

"Something's happened." It's not a question.

"Yes … my master …" How can he explain to her the true nature of the danger?

Then his mother arrives and he glances over to her to find her penetrating gaze moving between him and Rey. He's about to introduce them to each other when Leia begins to nod slowly. With a knowing tone, she says, "Ah. Now I see."

"See what?" he asks in confusion, an uncomfortable feeling of being completely defenseless in front of his mother prickling along the back of his neck.

Leia's eyes widen and she tilts her head. "Do you really not know?" There's astonishment laced through every word. Whatever she's sensing has wiped away the tension between mother and son.

The Force screams and clangs, as if heralding a monumental shift. He shakes his head slightly, senses buzzing. "No … I … what is it?"

There's nothing but grief in her eyes when his mother opts not to answer his question, asking instead, "Do you know she has the Force?"

Rey gasps and finds his eyes as it all suddenly makes sense. The way he was immediately drawn to her … How she always seems to see into him. Why she's so familiar. It had never occurred to him to look, and in a moment, Rey's muted connection to the Force blooms in his awareness. Still dormant, but very much there.

"No, but I should have." Rey really did scramble every instinct he'd ever honed.

Why does his mother still seem to be drowning in sorrow? Isn't this a good thing? Leia can help her, show her what's inside her. She'll be so much safer now.

"Oh, Son … you don't understand. It's more than that."

He's startled when he feels Rey lean against him, her head craning up to find his gaze. "Your mother?"

"Yes, I'm his mother." Leia smiles weakly at Rey and takes in a deep breath. "And my son has some things he needs to tell you."

She begins to walk back to her ship when he stops her. "Wait … what did you mean?"

"Talk to her. Please … make it count." He's never seen her this stricken, and his alarm ratchets up swiftly.

Rey moves even closer, her hands now clinging to him. He wants to focus entirely on the feeling of her body pressed against his side, but something new is deeply hurting his mother and he has to understand. Is it so hard for her to let him go? Surely she already has.

"Mom … what's wrong?"

Leia looks up into the wide, blue sky then back at him. She seems to age a century before she answers.

"It doesn't matter, now."

A/N: Oh my goodness, I've been away for far too long. The lead up to the US election pushed my anxiety beyond the breaking point and I've been in a hole. But I'm back and hope to begin posting regularly again.

Thank you, ArtemisBare for holding my hand and cheering me on. I was so nervous I'd lost my groove. Thank you, Silvergrain; you are so good at poking at the jarring bits.

Thank you, Readers! Oh, how I've missed you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!