Nozel woke up suddenly. He didn't know if it was from a nightmare or just an unpleasant dream. Whatever it was, it hasn't been comforting at all, he was sure of that.
He had no idea which hour it was. Given that it was still dark outside, it must be night time, something like that. No moon, no stars were to see, only clouds and heavy rain.
Vanessa didn't woke up. She didn't moved in his arms, outside from her soft breathing. Nozel sighed as he dived his nose in her locks. He didn't want to overthink everything again, he didn't want to focus about what was awaiting outside of the cottage, of their sanctuary. The only thing he longed for was to be intoxicated by the scents, by the mere presence of his beloved, hoping it would help him going back to sleep, like always.
But a small cry from the crib next to their bed stopped him from falling asleep again. And the cry didn't seem to want to stop.
Almost instinctively, Nozel let go of Vanessa and stood up, going to the crib and leaned down to softly take Aimée in his arms.
"Now, what is it?" he asked while sitting back and rocking his daughter slowly. It was really a bit unusual. Aimée quickly went to sleep through her nights, only waking up in the morning. Nozel always wondered where she got that from. He remembered that none of his siblings slept through their nights when they were babies – even though he could never tell which one of Nebra, Solid or Noelle was the noisiest – and he doubted that he had been the exception when he was this age.
Memories flew through his mind, softer than a whisper. It was so long ago… Since the day he wasn't an only child anymore, he went to the nursery to see his baby siblings when he heard them cry or simply when he felt that they were crying.
Of course, he had been too tiny to take Nebra out of her crib and still too inexperienced to do it with Solid. All Nozel had been able to do was to hold their tiny fists until a nanny or mostly his mother arrived. Acier had always smiled when she discovered him at his siblings side and when Nebra or Solid fell asleep again, she had taken him in her arms, bringing him back to his bedroom while singing him a lullaby.
Obviously, it had been different with Noelle. He had been fourteen and his mother was too weak to go when Noelle was crying. Nozel always went and this time, he didn't just hold his sister's tiny fist, he took her out of her crib, rocking her, sometimes for hours, until she fell asleep. Too often, it had only been him, because most of the nannies followed his father's orders, to let the potential disgrace cry all alone.
Nozel never had a good relationship with his father, but this had been the time when he definitely lost hopes for him.
All those memories of his experiences, especially with Noelle, had come back with Aimée. It had been so easy it actually surprised him. After all, it had been over a decade since last time. Nozel just knew what he had to do.
Aimée was still crying, some tears fell down her chubby cheeks.
"Shh, it's alright. It's alright."
Nozel hold his daughter softly closer to him. He wanted to protect her and this time, he was determined to do it right. He learned from his mistakes and he wasn't alone now.
But the now familiar uncertainty made it so difficult to find the right way. Not many paths were in front of him and most were more illusions than anything.
He had hope, he was able to find happiness even in the tiniest things, be it tucking Vanessas hair behind her ear or letting Aimée pull at his braid. But Nozel knew that their current situation was fragile. What a time to become parents when there was tension about bastards.
Even now, most nobles and a lot of royals, especially Augustus and Achilles, had expectations of him. Waiting for him to humiliate himself to end his scandal and come back to the status quo while waiting like vultures to remind him how he stepped out of the way. As if Nozel was going to give them what they wanted.
They all thought that he failed, more than once, especially during those last few months. That he failed his duty, which they always questioned in the first place. That he failed his honour and the honour of his house, but Nozel had the suspicion that they confuse the real meaning of honour with pride and even arrogance.
He might love discipline when he comes to his squad and how to organize it, he surely knew more about royal duties than the other two royal Heads of House. As for honour, his mother taught him well that it mostly doesn't mean what most royals and nobles expected from this word and he wished he could have lived better to her lessons instead of this self-imposed hell of expectations others have on him.
But he refused to do it anymore. Their visions of duty and honour just weren't worth it. What was duty compared to Vanessas love? What was honour compared to hold Aimée in his arms? What were those silly expectations compared to the affection of his siblings, to the respect his knights gave him, to Fuegoleons rivalry, to many other things he never realized how wonderful they were?
Sometimes, Nozel was close to screw it all and to elope somewhere far away with Vanessa and Aimée. But he would never do that. It wasn't the solution and Nozel was too much aware of what big consequences it would have. Not to mention that Vanessa and him have other people they love and care about, they couldn't leave them behind. As upsetting, unappealing and desperate the more complicated, uncertain path was, in the end it was better. Instead of fleeing and postponing, they were facing the problems. Instead of crawling on the earth with humiliation and giving up, they were showing strengths, ready to prove themselves.
And now he let his thoughts wander around again. He couldn't help. It was a habit he held on for over a decade.
Looking at his daughter, Nozel still smiled despite his worries. Being a father was a new responsibility for him and unlike most of the others he had, he embraced this one. How could he not?
Aimées cries had calm down, but she still was whimpering a bit. Looking up at her father with her big eyes, almost like she wanted to ask a question.
"Did you have a nightmare?" Nozel asked, rocking her still.
Aimée just hummed a bit. Almost sounding like an answer, but of course, impossible to determine if it was a yes or a no.
She was now a month old. A month already. A month only. It felt longer and shorter at the same time. Many things happened and still it felt like it was going nowhere. And Aimée was in the middle of all of it, having thankfully no idea.
Nozel refused to raise his daughter in an uncertain situation, but getting out of said uncertain situation was far easier said than done. In a way, it was really ironic. He, who always planned anything at least five steps ahead in multiple ways, who always thought of any possible worst-case scenario, find himself unable do that in this very situation.
He sighed again, looking at his daughter. She had grown in one month, but she was still small. If only he could give her the life she deserved.
"You can always come to mom and me, you know that? When you're sad, upset, hurt, when you have problems… or even when you're happy. You can always come to us."
He didn't know why, but he needed say this promise out loud, even though Aimée was too young to understand.
Aimée stopped her whimpers, she already looked calmer. Still, Nozel continue to rock her gently. It was a soothing task. Aimée just looked at him, with those big purple eyes of hers. Maybe she did understand, in her own way.
There was a rustle and in the next moment, Vanessa's arms were around him while she lied her head on his shoulder.
"Aimée woke up? That's unusual."
"I know. I have no idea what it was, except that she cried. But she's calm now."
Vanessa hummed a bit, before gently put a finger on Aimées mouth. Their baby immediately began to suck slightly on it.
"Something wrong, sweetie? You won't wake up your parents in the middle of the night just for nothing, I hope."
"Ba."
Aimée stopped sucking, looking up at her parents. She was calmer now, even though she was holding Vanessa's finger and seemed rather unwilling to let go for now.
Nozel sighed. Those moments, when they were all three together, they meant so much to him. He didn't want to lose it.
There were many things he wanted, but that were never expected from him. Some things he knew already, but others he only realized after he finally allowed himself some happiness.
He always knew that he refused to sacrifice his siblings to an arranged alliance. Others would have married them at fifeteen already, latest at twenty. He couldn't do that. For long, Nozel always had thought that sacrificing himself into such a marriage would somehow prevent Nebra, Solid and Noelle from it.
Even now, he refused to even take this into consideration, despite the still numerous marriage proposals he got. His own scandal sadly didn't refrain nobles from it, on the contrary. They gotten more desperate since it became public. He wondered, now that he made his position finally official, if it would still continue.
Nozel felt sick thinking about it. Finding and allowing his own happiness had only strengthen his will to never sacrifice his siblings to an arranged marriage. The fight with Solid and the distance his brother now kept from the rest of them didn't change any of his resolve.
He just hoped it wasn't too late for him, Noelle and Nebra to make peace with Solid. Nozel would regret it for the rest of his life if their relationship with Solid would end up to become similar to their fathers.
Nozel closed his eyes, sighing to stay calm. Since his father waltzed back into their lives, all he did was making everything difficult for him and his siblings, in fear for his own reputation. It was probably a bit more complex than in his thoughts, given the situation in the kingdom.
All those scandals and offences about bastards would surely have continued without his own. Nozel wasn't delusional about that. But would it have gained the same ampler without the whole situation involving Vanessa, Aimée and himself becoming public? What would have happened if his father never made it public or even better, never would have learned about it in the first place? As things were right now, they would never know.
Nozel still had no idea how his father learned about him and Vanessa, not to mention their child. All he knew was that it hasn't been Solid who had spilled the beans. Given how they parted ways, it wouldn't have been a surprise. But Nozel was relieved that it wasn't the case. His father made it very clear that he didn't learned it from his brother. In fact, he even had very unpleasant words about Solid, as well as Nebra and of course Noelle. Among others things…
Which had just made the altercation between him and his father even worse, that day. Not a pleasant memory to remember.
"Honey…"
"Hm?"
"I can almost hear the gears in your head turning on high speed. And I can pretty well imagine what you're overthinking again."
"I'm sorry. I can't help it…"
"I know, there's no need to apologize."
Nozel smiled. Vanessa could really read him better than anyone. Maybe except for his mother. It was a blessing, truly, that she was now such an important part of his life.
Focusing back on Aimée, Nozel couldn't help but ask, "Do you think one day we'll be able to give our daughter the life she deserves?"
"That I'm sure of it, honey. And I'm going to repeat this to you so many times until you'll be certain as well." Vanessa giggled, but then her tone was far more serious, "The question is rather, when this day would come. Given the circumstances, it sadly won't be for tomorrow."
"I hope it won't take years."
"So do I. It's not the best way to raise a child."
They went silent. Watching their daughter. Something so simple, yet there were people who would deny them this little happiness. Because it shouldn't be expected, because it wasn't the status quo.
This uncertainty wasn't what Nozel wanted for Vanessa and Aimée. But the expected life of royalty, that was more like a golden cage wasn't what he wanted for them either. One of the reasons why he wanted his and Vanessas relationship to come slowly out of secrecy. Nozel refused to be the one to put her back in a cage. Being royalty didn't equal freedom, unless you choose arrogance, bigotry and blindfolds to ignore the dark sides.
Nozel refused to let Vanessa and Aimée live in this status quo. He loved them, he was responsible for them. Never could he just put them in a world where they will be judged, looked down upon and anything that could break a person. He had to fight. They had to fight. Himself, Vanessa and everyone who were helping them.
Those thoughts were so familiar by now, that Nozel wondered if he ever would be used to their absence once this mess was all over. Whenever that day would come.
He felt Vanessas soft lips on his cheek.
"You do everything you can. You're the father of my child. And I love you."
Nozel smiled as he heard those comforting words. These kinds of phrases were their way comfort and cheer up the other when one was feeling down. The words varied due to circumstances, but they never forgot to say I love you at the end.
"Feeling a bit better or shall I repeat it until you do?"
"Thank you, but no need. I love you too, Vanessa."
Who would have thought, one or two years ago, that those simple words would fell down his lips so easily? Given how he was back then and what opinions were, he wouldn't had believed it. But here he was and despite the stony way he had to went through, the way that was still in front of him, he couldn't regret it.
It had led him to Vanessa and Aimée, it had saved him from the cold he carried in his soul since his mother died, it had helped him to become a better brother, especially with Noelle, and to mend those wounded bonds with his sisters.
Hopefully, he could one day do the same with Solid, maybe.
Softly, he brought Aimée closer to him to kiss her forehead. He felt her tiny hand gently pat his face.
"Are you also trying to comfort me, Aimée?"
His daughter let out short, babbling sound and Nozel decided he would took it as a yes. He heard Vanessa giggle while she tightened her embrace around him.
Nozel closed his eyes, savouring the moment.
What were expectations even for, when he could have moments like this, even during uncertainty?
Nozel tried his best to stay calm. What else could he do, when the Head of House Vermillion demanded an audience with him?
Although, demanding was an understatement. Achilles Vermillion war the eldest royal Head and given how he always looked down on Nozel, he believed in his superiority.
Despite his old age and some problems with his heels, Achilles Vermillion was still rather good-looking. He was still muscular, his once blonde hair was now white but it gave him some aura and Nozel heard that he had been rather popular with the ladies back in his youth.
But Achilles was also cold and uncaring, his pride was more like arrogance and if the rumours were true, he had been unnecessary brutal towards his enemies, when he was a Magic Knight and captain of the Crimson Lions.
"I always know that you're a fool, Nozel. But even for you, this is ridiculous."
"Aren't you happy about my situation? Since my father made it public, I'm struggling like never before and you always enjoyed that sight of me."
"Still an impertinent brat, I see. You never changed since you were that stupid teenager who became Head at fifeteen."
The fact that Nozel was grieving for his mother back then didn't seem to be important for Achilles.
"Lac did the right thing making this whole masquerade public. You have to come to your senses. At least, the bastard you conceived is the proof that you're not sterile like I feared, that's the only good thing out of this affair."
"Wouldn't you been happy if I weren't able to have children?" Nozel hissed. He preferred to not say anything about his father. Lac… what a cruel joke that name was. It sounded calm, but the man wearing this calm name was now more like a raging storm on sea, trying to mess with his children lives.
"Of course not, on the contrary of you, I'm very concerned about the continuation of our houses. The fact that you haven't married your siblings yet is concerning. Well, I can understand for Solid, it's better to wait a bit with boys. But your sisters, Nebra should have been married like a decade ago and given the disgrace Noelle is, a marriage would have lessen her bad reputation."
"We're already been over this, I refuse to say anymore to this subject!"
"Alright, I won't say anything more on this matter, even though marrying your siblings of would maybe hold the scandal in check. But that's not the important point here. Apart from the fact that it proves that you can have children, admit that it is rather unsettling that you didn't do against it yet."
Which means to throw the mother and unborn child away, so the disgrace won't be a problem for long. But Nozel won't say that out loud, he had to stay calm.
"But of course, that's not the biggest problem. I couldn't believe my ears when Lac told me about the real scandal in your case. Nozel, you really intend to grow old with this woman? Goodness me, don't forget that I'm old and my heart isn't what it's used to be. If your mistress would have been a noble, even from low nobility, I would have understand. Except that your mistress isn't even a commoner or a peasant. No, it has to be a witch. A witch, really. Don't you realize that this is the most unbefitting match for a royal, not to mention a Head of House like you? Just some witch and a Black Bull at that."
"Vanessa is not just some witch! She is a very capable Magic Knight, she served the kingdom for years now and her squad is as devoted to our country like any other!"
"Oh, I had no idea that witches have names."
Nozel was this close to consider a Silver Star of Execution.
"But name or not, it doesn't change the fact that you can't choose her as your spouse. You Silvas are already on the brink of disappearing. Only marriage alliances with influential nobles can save you. High nobility at best, the least would be medium or low nobility for Solid and Noelle, who are only the second son and the second daughter. But well, in your case, Nozel, YOU need to marry a lady from an influential noble house. I believe that house Vitrail has especially perfect ladies to marry of and at least one candidate perfect for a young Head of House like you are. And I heard that house Lys has some eligible noble girls as well."
Nozel knew about the Vitrails and the Lys'. They were of those families that would sent him at least five marriage proposals in a day. Both from high nobility and with a lot of influence, with the amount of magic power that goes with it. House Vitrail especially had one of the biggest headcounts in the kingdom.
But none of these ladies could hold a candle to Vanessa, he was sure of it. And even if there were one or two, he would still choose Vanessa over them without hesitation.
"I will not throw Vanessa away and ignore my child. Shouldn't I be responsible for them?"
Achilles sighed. He looked like he was dealing with a stubborn and spoiled child.
"Listen, Nozel. The child is a bastard and the mother is a witch. Why should you be responsible for them? The mother got herself pregnant, she shouldn't-"
"If you imply that she's forcing me to take responsibility or making herself unable to take care of the child so that I have to look after, I stop you right there! Vanessa isn't forcing me to anything and I can't imagine a better mother to take care of a baby than her. I love her. What other reasons do I need?"
"Love? Nozel, please, you were never good with jokes. Love has nothing to do with marriage. It's the only privilege peasants and commoners have, if we can call it a privilege in the first place. Although I doubt that even them are always marrying out of love. It only makes you a fool, weakens you and you can took the most foolish decisions in that state. Shall I remind you that everyone has expectations of you, that it's your duty?"
"I lived up for those expectations for far too long!"
"On the contrary, you never lived up enough to your duty."
The young man with the handcuffs looked at the captains with a disgusting glance, before spewing on the floor.
One of those bastards turned criminal. In his case, it wasn't a lie. His father was someone from house Wolke, who were specialized with cloud magic in particular and water affinities in general. This young man had inherited cloud magic from his father and like many other bastards these days, he turned into criminality.
Nozel closed his eyes. It became more and more clear for him with each passing day, how corrupt and unfair the system was.
Marx coughed a bit, a sheet of paper in his hands, before declaring: "This young man is named Orage, from the village Zeber in the Forsaken Realm. His mother was an inn servant and his father the current Head of house Wolke, Cumulus Wolke."
Orage spewed again and mumbled something Nozel couldn't understand. But Yami did, as he stepped forward and growled: "Watch your mouth, kiddo. You're in present of the Wizard King, show some respect."
"Respect, my ass."
William had to grab Yamis arms before he could throw a Dimension Slash at Orage. Nozel had to agree that disrespecting Julius was a limit to not pass, but slashing the prisoner wasn't the best idea ever. It would not only confirm the anti-bastard coalition that illegitimate children should be punished, or worse, executed for their status, but it would probably confirm criminals like Orage that their reaction towards oppression is the right answer.
Given how their kingdom needed changes in the system, attacking a prisoner won't be the best either for these changes to happen.
"He's a noble, I don't owe him any respect."
"I understand why you don't want to trust nobles," Julius answered, staying calm. "Unfairness is something we fight, so that changes can be possible and that one day, equality can reign. This is why today peasants and commoners can be Magic Knights as well. It doesn't matter if you're noble or peasant-"
"Don't come at me with this crap!" Orage yelled, interrupting the Wizard King. "Changes, my ass! Changes have to be quick and fast, otherwise it's not changes! Higher ups always have the power, that won't change!"
"Orage, don't you want-"
"You never changed anything, even the peasants and commoners who are Magic Knights aren't changing anything!"
"What about Asta?" Rill asked carefully.
"You mean that magicless turd with a devil? My ass, he won't change anything. Can't you see that he made a pact and that he's trying to become a royal, to deny his origins?"
"Are you sure we're talking about the same Asta?" Fuegoleon asked, while William and now Charlotte were trying to hold Yami back. His rival was calm but looking at him, Nozel saw his clenched fist, he was more tense than usual and his lips were tightly pressed together. Salamander, who was in his small form today, hissed at Orage.
Nozel could feel how all the captains, including himself, were tense and angry about how one of their best and even kind hearted knights – for some, he was even a friend – get shit talked by someone who didn't know Asta at all. During Astas time in the Magic Knights and especially after Spade, Nozel came to highly respect him. Today, he considered that it was an honour to have him as a rival.
But the worst part was that Asta was shit talked from someone who came from the same realm as him, who had similar unfairness and hardships to face. But it seems that while Asta didn't let himself doubt and fought against all odds without losing his happy natural, Orage let his grudge take the better of him, using it as an excuse for his crimes.
Was that the result that could happen if oppression becomes too big?
"You're all nobles and royals and bootlickers, you'll never understand."
"Bootlickers?"
"Yeah, look at those three!" Orage yelled while point – as good as he could with his handcuffs – at Yami, Jack and Dorothy. "The captain of the Green Praying Mantises is a former commoner and now he's sitting with nobles and royals, he clearly betrayed his status, like many others. And the foreigner, he's not from here, how will he ever understand this country in the first place? And don't start with the witch, witches are all evil, everyone knows that!"
"Oh, I'm evil? Thanks for telling me, I didn't know."
How was Dorothy still capable of humour? Nozel wished he could have that strength.
"What about you, Orage?" Julius asked, still perfectly calm, how was he doing it? "You attacked many innocent people in the Forsaken Realm and even in the Common Realm. Even orphanages and churches. None of the people you attacked were nobles or royals."
"They're guilty too, they looked down on bastards, people in my village looked down upon me!" Orage screamed. He looked like he was losing it. "Bastards were in those churches and orphanages, I had to get them out of here! One day, we bastards will take upon the higher ups and have their places, their luxury! We we'll be the higher ups and since we're not nobles, it's a fact that we'll be better!"
Nozel almost took a step back. Orage was clearly mad somehow, grudge and hate had taken over him. Nozel didn't believe that a bunch of criminals could take over the kingdom just like that, but if some other ones were like Orage, they were still dangerous. Nozel doubted that all bastards turned criminals were like this. You can be dangerous while being mad or completely sane.
He felt a bit of pity still. How much can you be broken before you end up like Orage?
"You do realize that a lot of bastards don't agree with your actions, Orage."
"Then they're traitors! They're not worthy of being bastards if they don't agree!"
Did he actually realize how this could kinda sound like what nobles could say?
Orage took a deep breath before pointing at Nozel. The captain of the Silver Eagles almost took a step back at the hate in his eyes.
"And you are the worst of the bunch, Nozel Silva! How dare you have a bastard, how dare you going against expectations and to actually TAKING CARE of this child?"
Wait, that was a problem? If Nozel had a shiver looking at those eyes full of hate, the words actually surprised him. And he wasn't the only one. Julius, Marx and the captains looked all confused by this declaration, even Yami.
Kaiser coughed a bit, before asking carefully: "Why are you upset that Nozel didn't turn away from his child? Shouldn't you be happy that-"
"Never! He's doing this to mock us bastards! What will we have if the nobles become better? Nothing! It would only make our hate meaningless! Don't take our hate away, we have nothing else!"
Nozel had no idea if this was contradictory, mad, confused, grudgeful, hateful, petty or even desperate. Maybe it was a mix. But still, it was like a punch for him. Did people really believe that it was wrong of him to make things right, to try make things better?
He didn't have the time to continue, as Orage was now pointing at him, "You don't deserve the child and neither does your bedwarmer of a witch. I wasn't able to do it, but others would succeed. We bastards who didn't bent, we'll save the child from your clutches and bring them were they belong. Only bastards should take care of bastards!"