Episode 25: Crackdown
After a crazy episode with the fate of the world at stake, I think we need a more simple and lighthearted breather episode. So what better way than a Japanese game show?
1602jaw: Many thanks. Other characters of mine will have their reactions to the news of Gjira's defeat, but I thought I'd let you handle your character's.
Happiness studios: Don't worry. It's all good. We all got opinions, and if I let one person's comments get to me, I wouldn't have made it this far. We're good.
That guy: Thanks. And as much as I like Dimitri, I'm a Black Eagle at heart. They're my favorite house.
Guest: I wasn't referring to Tari's friends, but now that you bring that up, perhaps I can make that happen. ;)
NondescriptNorbert: Thank you. Gjira wanted to die, and he ultimately didn't get his wish. His children are incredibly loyal to him no matter what as they have been for millennia. That won't change now. This chapter was a nice rest point, and a way to transition to the endgame.
And now, let us commence!
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"Last time on Total Drama Infinite 2, things straight up got real! What started as a trip to Terry's home of South Town for a fighting tournament went to a hundred real quick when Gjira's army invaded. Luckily, every contestant from TDI 1, 2, and BV showed up to help fight back. Katakuri, Geralt, and Kiryu managed to handle Gjira's commanders, while Edward and his friends faced Gjira in an epic showdown with the entire world at stake. Ultimately, Edward came out on top, and gave it his all to put the tyrant down, thanks to SCP 999. Once it was all said and done, we bid an eternal farewell to Giovanni who perished defending his friends. Before we could leave however, the SCP Foundation wanted to talk with Edward, Tari, and Rick, so they pulled the two of them out of the game. This leaves Terry, Susie, Glass Joe, and Waluigi in the final five. But today, five will drop to four. Who will that be? Find out right now on Total Drama Infinite 2!"
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We open up in the interns' break room. Things were about as chill as they could be. Gura and Korone were gaming, Red and Barrett were napping, and Kirbo was reciting scripture to no one in particular.
As for Alphonse? The guy sat at the table, looking at the newspaper with a bit of concern.
Ginyu and his squad walk up to Alphonse out of curiosity.
"What might be the problem, young man?" Ginyu asked.
Alphonse quickly put down the newspaper. "Oh, it's nothing."
Ginyu takes the paper and begins to skim it. It was recounting the events of the battle against Gjira only two days prior. It was calling Edward and his friends heroes, with small mentions of the SCP Foundation.
"You're worried about your brother, aren't you?"
"I am." Al answered. "I don't know what the Foundation wanted with him and Tari. I could care less about Rick, though. What if they killed him for the whole incident at Site 19?!"
"Young man, I understand your worry." Ginyu said. "But if they wanted him dead, they would have already done it before they pulled him from the game. I've heard they're powerful and influential, even having power greater than that of governments. They would have done it already if they were that upset at him. I'm willing to bet they're fine."
"I….. guess you're right." Al said with a little bit of hesitation. "He's always risked his life for me. I can't help but feel worried for him sometimes. He's reckless, but he's my brother. He's the only family I have."
Al's explanation had the Ginyu Force in tears, with their leader passing around a box of tissues.
"We didn't know that!" Ginyu weeped. "I'm so sorry to hear that!"
"Rrrrrrright." Alphonse said awkwardly. He gets up and grabs a basket filled with freshly baked pastries. "Anyway, thanks for the talk. I feel a bit better. I'm gonna go check on the guys."
Alphonse walks out of there, and heads for first class. He opens the door, as the morning light shone through a window.
"It was nice of Chris to let them chill in here after everything that happened." Al remarked. "They've mostly just been sleeping."
After the battle against Gjira, Chris let the final five relax in first class until the next challenge. And they were all dead tired after it. They were all currently sleeping in the reclining seats.
"All right, guys! Up and at 'em!" Al said as he flickered the lights on and off. "Time to get up!"
They all groaned as they were waking up
"Aw crap….." Susie groaned as she raised her head. "Let me sleep in!"
"I'm still tired!" Terry moaned.
"This better be real fucking good." Miu said as she ran her hands through her messy hair. Unsurprisingly, she was also in her underwear.
"Could you please put some clothes on?!" Joe said as he looked away.
"Hey! It was hot as hell last night, alright?! I'd rather not bake like a baked potato!"
"Waluigi was having the best dream ever!" Waluigi complained. "The world was cheering his name as Waluigi accepted the award for best tennis player in the world."
"Sorry for the sudden wake-up, guys." Al apologizes. "I know the whole Gjira thing tired you all out. But if it makes you feel any better, I brought breakfast, courtesy of Korone."
The smell of the breakfast treats wafted at them as Susie immediately leaped at the chance for food.
"Awright, munchies!"
She quickly grabs a muffin, but pauses before she takes a bite.
"There's no fingers in this, is there? Last time I tried to eat something Korone baked, there was a finger in it."
"ORAYO!" Korone's battle cry could be heard from the other room.
Alphonse chuckled. "I can assure you that these are one hundred percent yubi free."
With that worry out of the way, the others follow suit and grab some breakfast goodies.
"Thanks, man." Terry said. "This stuff rocks."
"It was nothing." Alphonse said. "If anything, I should be thanking all of you."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I mean, I really should be thanking you guys for helping my brother out. If it wasn't for you all, Ed would probably have never been the same again. He's really got some great friends."
"Eh, it was nothing." Susie said. "Besides, Tari did most of the work. She was there for him more than we ever could've been."
"Anyway, I should be getting back to work." Alphonse said. "Enjoy your breakfast, guys."
Al leaves, and the five sit down at the table together to enjoy their breakfast and chat.
"I feel kinda bad for ya, Bum-gard." Miu said. "You didn't get the chance to fight in that tournament. And in your hometown, no less."
"It's fine." Terry assures. "Wouldn't be the first time that KOF was interrupted or controlled by villains. Happens nearly every time, though that kinda stuff usually happens near the end."
"And people still go to watch this?!" Susie exclaimed. "Tickets must be pretty cheap, then."
"Still, Waluigi is glad we put all that Gjira stuff behind us." Waluigi said. "Now we can really focus on who's gonna win the game."
"Right…." They all said in unison. During that, they were all given each other suspicious looks. Despite being mutual friends, they all still wanted the money at the end of the day.
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"You could feel the tension suddenly rise." Joe said. "So thick you could cut it with a knife. We all want to win. But I'm feeling pretty sure of myself."
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"Don't get me wrong, I like these guys." Susie said. "But I came here for that cash. Now's the time to really go all out."
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"I can say I'm up against some good competition." Terry said. "But I'm part of that good competition. Time for the Wolf to show his fangs."
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"Do you know what that money could do?!" Miu said. "I could totally hook myself up with a bigger lab, and better fund my research. Inventions that help people carry out tasks while they sleep dont fucking grow on trees, you know. It's just me against these fucking virgins now."
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Waluigi was busy trying to use the bathroom until he turned around and saw the camera running.
"WAH! DIDN'T ONE OF THE OTHERS PUT A LENS CAP ON THIS THING?! WALUIGI NEEDS SOME PRIVACY HERE!"
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As they continued eating, the plane shook a little bit with a small explosion being heard from the back.
"What the fizzity-uck was that?!" Susie exclaimed.
"How about we don't fizzity-ucking find out?!" Miu said worriedly.
Up front in the cockpit, Chris and Chef could hear the noises as well.
"Uh….we got a problem." Chef said nervously.
"What is it this time?" Chris huffed.
"Um….the fuel tank has sprung a leak. We should probably land as soon as possible and see if we can get that fixed."
"Yeah…we should probably do that. Besides, we're at the next destination anyway. Let's land and see if we can find someone experienced enough to fix it."
He grabs the microphone and speaks through the intercom.
"We will be landing shortly for today's challenge. The stop this time: Kyoto, Japan!"
"Kyoto?! Fucking sweet!" Miu exclaimed. "I've been there a couple of times."
"Wait, you have?" Joe asked.
"Uh, yeah. I'm from Japan, duh-doy. I'm Japanese, remember?"
"Oh. Sorry. Must've forgot."
"Well, I know I haven't forgotten for all of you. You're French."
She then points to Terry. "He's American."
Then to Waluigi. "He's Italian."
"And lastly to Susie. "And she's not even human, but a monster. No offense."
"None taken." Susie brushed it off. "That's the technical term for my race."
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Due to the severity of the gas tank situation, the plane had to land in a forest clearing. Getting off the plane, the cast could see the trees around them had pink leaves. They couldn't help but stare at them.
"Cherry blossoms." Miu said as she marveled at their tranquil beauty. "Must be that time of year."
"They're pretty." Terry adds.
"Everyone, welcome to Kyoto." Chris said. "What was once the capital of Japan for over a century now carries the reputation of the nation's most beautiful city, and its cultural capital. Nowhere in Japan will you find more culture and tradition than you could in Kyoto."
"You mind telling us what that explosion was that we heard earlier?" Waluigi asked, as that was the tennis player's main concern.
"It's nothing you all should worry about." Chris said quickly. "Just have to do a little maintenance for the plane."
"So what are we doing?" Miu asked. "Gonna see the shrines and temples? Or the beautiful gardens? Or, dare I say it…. the public bath houses? I hear some of them are mixed. Please tell me it's that one!"
"You have issues, kid." Chris shakes his head. "Anyway, we won't be doing any of what you just said.
"Goddamn it! Then what are we doing here, then?!"
"We're gonna have to head into the city for what I've got in store for you all."
He quickly gives Chef a phone and whispers in his ear.
"Get a hold of someone to fix the fuel tank. This is something I don't think the Ginyu Force can patch up with duct tape this time."
With that, Chris and the contestants begin to head out into the city.
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The group was making their way through the city, admiring the people and the sites as they passed by. Kyoto was a large city, thriving with culture. Numerous palaces, shrines, temples, and other landmarks could be seen throughout the district. It was kind of like going back in time.
The people went about their business as they walked through the city. To the average guy, the cast were nothing more than mere tourists.
After an hour of traveling, the crew finally arrived at a TV studio in downtown Kyoto. Chris whispered something to the guy at the front gate, and he let them in.
"Did you guys also know Kyoto is the traditional home of the Japanese film industry?" Miu adds. "Nowadays, they really focus on filming period dramas around these parts."
"Someone's sure happy to be back in their home country." Joe sighed. "Makes me wish we could've gone to France."
They head backstage, with a crew getting ready for filming…..something."
"Another staple in this country are their wacky and outlandish game shows." Chris begins.
"It's true." Miu said. "They can get pretty weird sometimes."
"So for today, we're gonna have the five of you participate in an entirely original Japanese game show I like to call….. "Final Exam!'"
With this, two women walk up to them. The first was a short haired Japanese woman in a dark suit. The other was a dark haired Italian American also dressed in a suit for the occasion.
"We were still able in the contract to use some people from the world of Grand Theft Auto in the contract. These fine ladies here are Asuka Kasen, and Maria Latore, who will be proctoring your "exam" today."
"Damn, these ladies look pretty fucking fine." Miu mumbled. "Even I'm a bit jealous."
"Greetings." Asuka said. "As this guy said, I'm Asuka, part of the Yakuza."
"Oh, so you must know Kiryu, right?" Terry asked.
Asuka looked at the guy in confusion.
"Different worlds, Terry." Chris sighed.
"I don't know anyone by that name." Asuka answered. "Anyway, I was originally going to do this with my brother, but there was a change of plans. This here is one of my closest friends, Maria.
Maria waved kindly to the contestants. "Good to meet you guys. Hope you're ready for what we've got planned for you all today."
"Bring it on!" Susie yelled. "I ain't scared!"
Asuka smirked. "Very well. Come with us."
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A few minutes later, the contestants found themselves on a large stage, in front of a live studio audience. The stage was designed to look like a classroom, and all five of them sat at desks with their names on them.
"Okay, I think I'm starting to see a theme here." Joe said.
In front of the stage were Asuka and Maria, sitting at a table of their own.
"I can't believe I'm wasting my time doing this kind of thing." Asuka grumbled.
"Aw, don't be like that!" Maria said. "I'm making the best of it. Not to mention they're paying us handsomely for this."
With that, Maria turns on the microphone at their table and speaks to the audience.
"Everyone, we'd like to welcome all of you to the first and only rendition of Final Exam!"
The audience was going nuts with excitement.
"All right, players, listen up." Asuka said super seriously. The rules are simple, but I'm going to be explaining this once, so perk your ears."
The contestants listen closely as Asuka explains how the game is played.
"One by one, we're going to ask each of you a trivia question. Get it right, and you get a point. Get it wrong, and you will have to perform a small challenge to try and reclaim that point. Fail that, and you get no point for the round. We play for seven rounds, with each round's questions focusing on a different subject."
"And when the game's over, the one with the least amount of points…" Maria begins.
Chris walks up to the ladies and grabs the mic.
"…..Will be automatically eliminated from the game! Today's challenge is a sudden death round! Surprise!"
The cast gasps at this.
"Automatic elimination?!" Miu said worriedly.
"Way to raise the stakes, man." Terry adds.
"So it's not about winning." Joe said. "It's about not losing."
"So, is everyone clear on the rules?" Asuka asks, to which they all nod.
"Good. Now, we'll start with the first round: Science."
The audience cheers as the spotlight shines on Miu.
"Alright, Miu. First question." Asuka reads the card. "How many elements are on the Periodic Table?"
Miu smirks. "Asking the Ultimate Inventor a science question? Hah! It's easy. There's 118 elements."
"Correct."
Bells and sirens sound off around the "classroom" as Miu was correct.
"Easy peasy. Im a fucking genius!"
Next, it was Susie's turn.
"Susie, your question is this: What is the hardest known natural material?"
Susie was about to say steel, but she stopped herself. Very calmly, she thinks over the answer.
"Is it…. diamond?"
"Correct."
Susie sighs as the audience cheers her.
Now, it was Waluigi's turn.
"True or false: Sound travels faster in air than in water."
Waluigi laughs confidently at this.
"It's easy. Waluigi has raced go-karts across land and underwater. And one of the items he used in it created sound waves to trip other losers up. So from experience, Waluigi is gonna say false, lady!"
"That's correct."
Waluigi basked in the praise of the audience as Terry was up next.
"How many teeth does an adult human have?" Maria asked Terry.
Terry flashes a grin and thumbs up. "Thirty two pearly whites."
"Correct!"
Glass Joe was last up for the round, and Asuka reads off the question.
"Discovered by Alexander Fleming, this is now used to treat infections and is considered one of the most important discoveries in the field of medical science. What is it?"
"It's penicillin, right?" Joe said.
"Yep. You got it right."
The final five all got through the first round perfectly.
Current Score:
Miu: 1
Susie: 1
Waluigi: 1
Terry: 1
Glass Joe: 1
"Hmph. You guys are smarter than we thought." Asuka remarked. "But now it's time for Round 2: Geography."
To start the round, it was Miu once again.
"What U.S. State is home to no documented poisonous snakes?"
Miu's confidence quickly faded as she did not know the answer.
"Ah, shit." She thought. "Well, that's just fucking dandy. Guess I got a one in fifty shot of getting this right."
"It's West Virginia, right?"
"Sorry, that's wrong." Asuka bluntly replied. "The answer we were looking for was Alaska."
"FUCK! Alright, what do I gotta do?"
Chris rubbed his hands with sadistic glee. "Ooh, this is gonna be good."
Chris explains her challenge as a stagehand hands her a piece of paper.
"Read what's written on the paper without laughing."
Miu looked at what was written, and wasn't all that shocked. "Was this one Deadpool's idea?"
"Yes it was. Now get to reading."
"I'll do you one even better. I'll say it as lewdly as possible."
Miu clears her throat and recites what was written in the most lewd, seductive, "ara ara" way she could.
"Hhhhrnnggh. Colonel, I'm trying to sneak around but I'm dummy thicc. And the clap from my ass cheeks keeps alerting the guards."
Miu pulled it off without laughing, but the same couldn't be said from her fellow competitors. They were all laughing their asses off. The audience was stunned.
"Laugh it up, guys." Miu said. "Because I just probably made many guys and some girls' days by doing that. They'll think about it during their next tug session."
"Wow. Can't believe she actually pulled that off." Maria said, breaking the audience's silence. "But regardless, she gets the point."
With….that….. out of the way, Susie was up next to answer a question.
"What's the name of the largest waterfall in the world?" Maria asked.
"Victoria Falls." Susie answered.
"That'd be right."
"Booyah!"
"You're up next, Waluigi." Chris said as he decided to ask the question this time. "What American City is the Golden Gate Bridge located in?"
"Um…. Los Angeles?"
"Wrong! It's San Francisco. Challenge time, bro."
A large and hairy tarantula (shivers) was brought out and placed on Waluigi's desk. The other contestants cringe in disgust at the ugly arachnid.
"Kiss the tarantula, and you can still claim the point." Chris said.
Waluigi gulped as he looked down at the creature slowly moving around on his desk.
"And it has to be on the mouth."
"NO WAY, PAL!" Waluigi exclaimed as he slapped the thing away. "Waluigi is not subjecting himself to something that nasty!"
"Sucks for you, then. Terry, you're up next."
Terry also gulped as Asuka now read the question.
"Where are the Spanish Steps located?"
"That's easy." Terry said. "Spain."
"That's incorrect. It's in Rome, Italy."
"What?! Then why the heck is it called the Spanish Steps?!"
"Regardless, it's challenge time." Chris said.
A bathtub completely filled with ice cubes was brought out.
"Sit in this tub of ice for three minutes, and you get the point."
"Okay, can't be too bad." Terry said. He got up and situated himself in the tub.
The clock started ticking, and three minutes later, Terry got out, shivering like crazy.
"Not bad." Asuka congratulated. "You get the point."
"C-c-can I g-get a blanket a-and some c-cocoa?" Terry asked.
"No."
As Terry tried to warm himself back up, Joe was next.
"What city is known as the Glass Capital of the World?"
"Uh…. I don't know." Joe said regretfully. "I don't have an answer."
"We were looking for Toledo as the answer."
"Crap."
"Alright, Joe." Chris begins. "Here's what you gotta do."
An elephant was brought out onto the stage.
"Um...what's with the elephant?" Joe asked nervously.
"Tip it." Chris said.
"Pardon?!"
"You heard me, French Press. Tip the elephant like you would a cow. You said it yourself. You're much stronger than you were before. So let's compare you punching a man into a wall to you tipping the world's largest land mammal."
"Um, okay."
Joe gets up from his seat and walks over to the elephant. Putting his hands on it, he tries with all of his might to push the elephant over. The giant creature stands there looking not amused. Joe grunts and wheezes as he tries with all of his might to tip it over.
Joe dropped to his knees in defeat. "I can't! That thing won't budge a single inch!"
"Too bad." Chris said. "That puts you and Waluigi in last place as we move onto round three.
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"Okay, now he was just being cruel." Joe said spitefully. "Yes, I'm stronger than I was, but I'm not Superman! I'm only human! Give me a break!"
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Current Score:
Miu: 2
Susie: 2
Waluigi: 1
Terry: 2
Glass Joe: 1
"And now, we move on to round three!" Maria said enthusiastically. "Our subject this time is anatomy!"
"More science?!" Miu scoffed. "This should go way smoother than last time. Smoother than a freshly shaved-"
"Just answer the question." Asuka deadpanned. "Here it is: What is the longest type of cell in the human body?"
"Pff, easy. It's nerve cells!"
"Correct."
"Susie, it's your turn." Maria said. "True or false: Nitroglycerin can be used to treat heart attacks?"
"It's gotta be a trick question inside of a trick question." Susie said. "I'm gonna say it's false. Nitroglycerin is for blowing crap up. No more, no less."
"Ooh, you're actually wrong." Maria said. "It's used in treating heart attacks by dilating blood vessels."
"Aw, what?! You gotta be kidding me!"
For Susie's challenge, she found herself surrounded by stage assistants, each of them holding feathers. Susie herself held a glass of milk.
"Hold a large mouthful of milk in your mouth for one whole minute." Chris explained. "Meanwhile, these guys will tickle you with feathers to get you to laugh it all up. Survive the minute, and you still claim the point."
"Challenge accepted." Susie said confidently. She gulps up a mouthful of milk and keeps it in her mouth.
The assistants began to assault her with an onslaught of feathers. All over her body, they wiggled and tickled her. Susie tried her best to keep it all in, but at around 45 seconds, she couldn't handle it anymore. She laughs, and gets milk all over the assistants.
"I don't get paid enough for this shit." One of them grumbled in Japanese."
"Too bad, Susie." Chris said mockingly. "No point for you."
"Keep getting smart with me, and it's gonna be "no pretty face" for you!" Susie threatened.
"Uh….let's move on to Waluigi, shall we?!" Chris said nervously. He was not feeling in the mood for one of Susie's beatdowns.
Chris proceeds to read Waluigi's question.
"Some people are super flexible, and twist their bodies into funny shapes to entertain others. What do you call a person like that?"
"A contortionist." Waluigi answered. "Waluigi should know, he's been in plenty of painful situations that's contorted and hurt his body."
"Correct!"
"WAHAHAHA! OF COURSE WALUIGI IS RIGHT!"
"Way to go man!" Terry congratulates his former teammate. "Awright. What kinda question do you got for me?"
"True or false." Asuka began. "Like your fingerprints, your tongue print is also unique?"
"It's true, right?" Terry said. "No two tongues can be the same, right? People have different tastes."
"That's right."
"Sweet!"
"And we finish the round with you." Maria said, gesturing to Joe. "Anyway, here's the question. What's the hardest substance in the human body?"
"Is it keratin?" Joe said. "You know, the stuff that nails and hair are made of?"
"Nope. It's tooth enamel. Challenge time."
Placed on top of his desk was a spoon and an open can of wet dog food.
"Eat the whole can of dog food." Chris said. "Without throwing up."
Joe's fellow competitor's and the audience recoiled in disgust, feeling bad for him.
"You just can't catch a break today, can you?" Susie said.
"Just picture it's your favorite food, man!" Terry said, encouraging his friend. "Just close your eyes, plug your nose, and pretend it's your favorite food."
Joe looks down at the dog food with disgust. But hopefully, Terry's advice would help.
"Just picture it's freshly baked bread." He thought. He closes his eyes, plugs his nose, and grabs a spoon. He scoops up the food and puts it into his mouth.
And fresh bread it wasn't. Joe's eyes go wide as he vomits up the dog food.
"Uh…clean up on aisle five." Chris said. "Let's cut to commercial and get this place cleaned up."
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Five minutes later, the show was back on, and the set was all cleaned up. The same can't be said for Joe, who was still looking a little green.
"You alright, buddy?" Terry asked.
"I'll live." Joe said. "Just as long as I don't have to do any challenges that involve eating. Or eat ever again."
Current Score:
Miu: 3
Susie: 2
Waluigi: 2
Terry: 3
Glass Joe: 1
"So, Joe." Chris said. "I thought you were strong. The same should've went for your stomach."
"Shut…up….." Joe groaned.
"Round four will be World History." Asuka explained.
Like clockwork, Miu was up to bat again.
"One of the ancient world wonders, the "Hanging Gardens", was found in which city?"
"Babylon." Miu said casually. "Can we move on?"
"That's correct."
"Geez, I knew she was smart, but that's ridiculous." Susie remarked. "She's only tripped up on one question."
"Susie, you're up." Chris said. "Where were the first modern Olympics held? And we'll give you an extra point if you can name the year?"
"What the fuck?!" Miu complained. "That's not fair!"
"Hey, it's fine." Susie told her. "I don't know the answer to the second one anyway. As for the first, it's Athens, Greece."
"Correct! Waluigi, it's your turn."
Asuka asks the question this time. "Who painted the mural of "The Last Supper?'"
"Leonardo da Vinci." Waluigi answered.
"Correct."
"Guess that means I'm up." Terry said. "Hit me with your best shot!"
"Where was Cleopatra's birthplace?" Maria asked.
"Egypt."
"Oops, that's wrong!" Maria said. "We were looking for Greece."
"You gotta be kidding me?!"
"Do you know why people learn history?" Asuka asked. "It's so we don't repeat it. Your complaining doesn't solve anything."
"Alright." Terry said, still sounding a bit upset. "What do I gotta do?"
A mug filled with some blended concoction was placed on his desk.
"Dare I ask what this is?"
"It's a blended puree of worms and beetles." Chris answered. "Drink the whole thing and you get a point."
Terry shrugs and chugs the whole thing down like a champ. The audience cheers as he wipes a bit of the puree off his face. He slams the mug down triumphantly.
"I got a strong stomach." Terry said. "I've tasted stuff worse than that. Besides, bugs are protein."
"Damn, that's impressive." Miu said. "I wouldn't have been able to do that."
"Guess it's my turn." Joe said, hoping he wouldn't mess up again.
"What are warriors in Japan known as?" Asuka asked.
"Samurai." Joe answered.
"That's right."
If you count Terry passing the challenge, everyone passed the round.
Current Score:
Miu: 4
Susie: 3
Waluigi: 3
Terry: 4
Glass Joe: 2
"Now, round five is going to be astronomy." Chris said. "Ladies, read out the questions.
"Miu, where is the coldest place in the universe?" Maria asked.
"The Boomerang Nebula."
"Once again, this girl is on top of things!" Maria gushed. "You're right again."
Miu laughs triumphantly as Susie takes her turn.
"How many constellations are there?"
"Aw, geez, I don't know!" Susie complained. "Just give me a challenge. I can handle it."
"Oh reaaaaaaaly?" Chris said sadistically.
"You went and jinxed it." Waluigi sighed.
An eel is slammed onto Susie's desk.
"Hold that electric eel for thirty seconds to claim your point." Chris explained.
"That shouldn't be so-"
"Bare handed."
"YOU GOTTA BE FREAKING KIDDING ME!"
Susie grabs the slippery fish, and faces painful zapping for about 18 seconds until she drops it.
"Guess Susie couldn't handle it! No point for her."
"How ya holding up?" Miu asked.
Susie gave a thumbs down as her body twitched from the electrocution.
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"I'm gonna (zzzzzzzap) freaking kill him!" Susie growled.
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"Waluigi, this is your question." Asuka said. "How many earths can fit inside the Sun?"
"Waluigi doesn't know?" Waluigi said. "A million?"
"You're right."
Waluigi was utterly stunned. "Wah?! Really?! That was just a shot in the dark!"
"Terry, here's your question." Chris said. "What is the brightest planet in the night sky?"
"Mars?" Terry guessed.
"Wrong! We were looking for Venus. Bring out the next challenge!"
We see assistants bring out a pink princess dress.
"Wear this for the rest of the challenge."
"Uh-uh! No way!" Terry protested. "I've been humiliated enough with stuff like that! First I was turned into a girl in Transylvania, then I ended up in a wedding dress in Niagara Falls! This crosses the line!"
"You keep your dignity, but you get no point." Chris said. "Tough luck, Fatal Cutie."
"Can't blame you though, Terry." Joe said. "You've been through enough."
"Joe, this is your question." Maria said. "What phenomena keeps the planet's in steady orbit around the Sun?"
"It's gravity." Joe answered.
"That's right. Point for you."
Current Score:
Miu: 5
Susie: 3
Waluigi: 4
Terry: 4
Glass Joe: 3
By this point, most of the competitors were getting tired or worn out.
"I don't know how much more of this I can take." Susie groaned. How many more rounds are there?"
"Just two." Chris answered. "This time, it's about the animal kingdom."
"Miu, what is the only mammal capable of true flight?" Maria asked.
"Bats, duh-doy." Miu answered.
"Correct!"
"Susie, what do you call a group of crows?" Asuka asked.
"A murder." Susie said. "That one's too easy."
"Of course you'd know the answer to that question." Waluigi mumbled.
"Waluigi, what's the loudest insect in the word?" Chris asked.
"Cicadas." Waluigi answered.
"Correct."
"Terry, what creature is known for having thirty two brains?" Maria asked.
"Crap, I don't know." Terry groaned. "Is it an octopus?"
"No. Octopuses have three hearts. The answer was a leech."
"Fine. What is it this time?"
"Since that question was about leeches, I thought we'd bring back a classic." Chris said.
A barrel completely filled with leeches was brought out.
"No….."
"Sit for just ten seconds in the barrel, and you get a point."
"Fine."
Terry quickly gets himself situated and sits in the barrel. He winced in absolute pain as the leeches were all over him. He jumps out, covered head to toe on leeches when he couldn't take the pain anymore.
"Did I pass?" Terry asked hopefully.
Chris checked his stopwatch. "Nope. Only eight seconds."
"I just can't catch a break today." Terry said as he sat back down. He began to pull the leeches off of him.
"Joe, this is your question." Chris said. "What type of animal is a Portuguese Man O War?"
"Is it a stingray?" Joe guessed.
"Nope. It's a jellyfish."
"Darn. So what's the challenge?"
A large, steel plate, six inches thick, was brought out
"Punch a hole through this steel wall." Chris explained.
"WHAT?!"
"Don't be a baby." Chris mocked. "You said you were strong. If Terry and Kiryu can casually do this stuff without breaking a sweat, so should you."
Joe was beginning to look mad.
"They have loads more experience! I still have a ways to go before I'm strong enough to do things like that!"
"Don't care. Punch the wall, tough guy. Honestly, I'm surprised you made it this far."
The audience began to laugh at Joe, while his friends remained quiet. And yet, they felt bad for Chris singling him out.
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"That was hard to listen to." Terry said. "Joe has put in as much work as the rest of us to reach the final five! Maybe even more than some! It's utterly disrespectful!"
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"French Press didn't deserve that." Susie said. "We all put up with Chris's crap, but today he's just an extra dose of dickhead. Guess I should've expected he'd act like that."
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Joe angrily stomps over to the wall and tightens his glove. Raising his fist, he imagined the wall was Chris, he punched it.
And broke his arm in the process. His arm went and bent the other way.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD, MY ARM! MY ARM IS BROKEN!"
His friends ran up to him to see if he'd be okay.
"It's all right, man!" Terry said worriedly. "If we get it in a sling, it should be fine!"
"Just hang in there, man!" Waluigi said.
While they were all worried about Joe, Chris was rolling on the floor laughing. They all stopped and watched their host busting a gut.
"You think this is funny?!" Susie growled.
"Of course he does!" Miu said. "He really gets a jolly out of watching us hurt and fuck ourselves up! He's been even more of an ass than usual today!"
"That's not the funny part!" Chris guffaws. "He says he knows his limits and still went for it anyway! How pathetic! They should change your name to Glass Joke!"
Terry was about to say something, but Joe stopped him.
"I got this."
Joe walks up to Chris, who had gotten back up, but was laughing so hard it made him cry.
"Hey, Chris?" Joe said.
Chris turned to him, but as soon as he did, Joe used his other hand to punch Chris in the face. The host fell to the ground unconscious.
The audience gasped, and his friends, as well as Asuka and Maria, were stunned.
"Dude… did you just clean his clock?" Susie asked. "About time one of us did that!"
"I'm impressed." Miu said. "But you do know you're in a fuck-ton of trouble when he wakes up, right?"
"Doesn't matter now." Joe said, feeling relieved. "When he wakes up, tell him I said I quit."
"WHAAAAAT?!" They all exclaimed.
"You're quitting the game?!" Terry asked. "And this close to the end?! Why?!"
"Don't let his words get to you." Waluigi said. "Waluigi's used to people insulting him."
"Don't get the wrong idea, guys." Joe said. "I came back hoping to prove I was not the spineless weakling I was before. And I have good friends that helped me get better, day after day. Little by little, I was becoming more confident in myself as well. Sure, I'm no superhuman, but I've come leaps and bounds beyond what I thought I could do. And just now, I came to a realization. I don't have any more left to prove. I shouldn't have to prove anything else. Chris may still doubt me, but I don't doubt myself anymore. I'm proud of how far I've come, and I think I've done enough."
"So….. you're just gonna leave?" Terry said.
Joe nods. "Yeah. I'm calling it quits right here and going out on my own terms. Besides, I think it's better this way than leaving utterly humiliated. I've already broken an arm, after all."
"Are you sure this is what you want?" Susie asked.
"I've never been more sure of anything. Good luck, you guys."
"Really gonna miss you, man." Terry said, pulling Joe into a hug.
"Aaagh! Watch the arm!"
"Oop. Sorry. Anyway, see you later, Joe."
Joe leaves the studio, while the others wave him off, and the audience gives him a standing ovation.
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"That was fucking badass." Miu said. "My respect for the guy went straight up!"
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"So, this is how Waluigi makes it into the final four?" Waluigi said. "Feels kinda awkward. Literally everyone left was Waluigi's teammates."
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"Godspeed, French Press." Susie said. "Still kinda pissed he hit Chris before I ever could."
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"He's really come a long way." Terry said. "We all have. Joe worked harder than I did to get here. If he wants to stop here, I won't stop him. I'll just have to win for him, Kazzy, and Aqua now."
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That evening, Chris and the final four were back at the plane, chilling outside in front of a campfire. (They were still waiting for a professional to get there and fix the fuel tank.)
Chris had an ice pack over his eye, and he was not in as cheery a mood as he usually was.
"Can't believe that boxer got the last laugh on me….." Chris mumbled.
"Can we go now?" Susie complained. "It's getting dark out.
"Not until the repairman gets here. Once he gets here and patches things up, then we can take off. The good news is, congrats to you guys for making it to the final four. The million dollars is in your all's grasp."
"I should feel proud, but I'm still gonna miss Joe." Terry said while roasting a hot dog over the fire.
"Well, I for one am not gonna miss him." Chris states.
"Hey hey hey!" The familiar voice of Maria could be heard. "You guys can't have a party without us!"
They turn to see Asuka and Maria. Asuka was holding a cake while Maria was holding lots of sparklers.
"What are you guys doing here?" Miu asked.
"We just wanted to celebrate you guys making it to the final four." Maria answered. "It deserves a proper celebration."
They then noticed that next to the girls was an oil trail leaking from the plane. And the sparklers were dangerously close to it. They all saw it and grew concerned.
"Get away from there!" Terry yelled.
Maria was confused "What?"
But it was too late. The sparks hit the fuel, and the fire that was ignited was making its way to the plane.
"Get away!" Susie yelled as she pulled them away.
"Everybody run!" Waluigi yelled as they all ran far away from the plane. The interns all bust out the door and follow suit.
The resulting explosion was shown from about a mile away, and the light completely enveloped the once-peaceful nighttime scene.
The dust that had been blown up soon cleared, revealing that the shot had moved back towards the campfire. Parts of the plane and other debris had crashed down.
Slowly, they all walked back to the scene of the explosion. The plane was completely totaled.
"NOT AGAIN!" Chris cried. "I JUST CAN'T CATCH A BREAK TODAY!"
The contestants roll their eyes at that remark. If anything, it was karma.
"Yeah, he can't catch a break." Susie scoffed.
"Ooh…..sorry." Maria said sheepishly.
"I told you this party was not a good idea." Asuka groaned.
"On the plus side, at least everyone is alright." Terry said.
"So….what now?" Waluigi asked.
"Guess we don't need the repairman anymore." Chris said through gritted teeth. "I gotta make a phone call to the producers, and see if they can help us out."
"Does this mean we can now go to the hot springs?" Miu asked.
"Ugh…fine."
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Well, we surely ended that chapter with a bang. RIP plane. It had to happen eventually.
After all of the big and serious stuff we experienced in the last episode, this chapter needed to be a shorter and more tame breather chapter. We definitely needed a funny and more comedic chapter to balance it out.
Today, we say goodbye to Glass Joe, who I'm sure a lot of people are surprised. He was planned to leave earlier in the story, around the time of Quahog. But so many plots and developments took center stage that I couldn't eliminate him then. Here I think is a good cutoff point for him. He went out in a very dignified yet in-character way for him. He went out satisfied knowing he's done a great job, and doesn't need to prove anything to anybody but himself. He will be missed, but he did a good job.
We now have only four people left. Susie, Waluigi, Miu, and Terry. Victory and the money are so close they can almost taste it. Who are you rooting for?
Here's what's in store for the next episode. Once the transportation situation is (temporarily) figured out, the final four face four beings of great respect and power. I'll give you a hint on who they are: One's a priestess, one's a reaper, one's a phoenix, and the last one is a time traveling detective.
After this trial, the final three will race to the final destination, and by the end of the next episode, we will have our two finalists.
That's it for now. Until next time, read and review like usual. Until then, this is MemeKing, signing off.