Author's Note: Hey guys, thanks for the favs, follows, reviews! I update on days when I don't work since I work night shift so It'll be at least once a week I'm hoping for more but let's just go with once for now! I also have a huge test coming up that may delay some chapters but I promise they are coming!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but Emily.
After showering to get the soda out of my hair, I decided to spend a few extra minutes getting ready. I'm not sure why I wanted to today and not in a few days, I'll be 16 in 3 days. But today I'm in the mood to be pretty. I carefully took the time to straighten each section of my damp hair with the blow dryer and my brush. Then I pulled out my makeup bag, I usually just throw on a little bronzer, eyeliner, and mascara on a normal day. Today I was sure to use concealer to cover all the dark circles under my eyes, and some blush to give my pale face some color. I even pulled out my favorite eyeshadow- a few varying shades of brown and cream that blend from one to another. I topped it off with a little bit of finishing powder and hair spray to keep everything in place. I looked in the mirror, and sighed as I realized the only place I'll probably end up going today is the backseat of the impala. Oh well.
"…What's all that for?" Dean asked as I walked out of the bathroom.
"Me."
"You did your makeup for yourself?"
"Yeah…. You gotta problem with my make up or something?"
"No. It just.. I don't know. Its different."
My face kinda fell and I looked at Dean with puppy dog eyes. "…Like bad different?"
"No! No I didn't mean it like that Em. I just.." he paused lost for the words as he quickly tried to back-track what he's just said
"Just stop growing up!" He finally shouted at me before walking out the door, bumping into Sam as he passed on his way back in.
Sam looked at Dean, then at me.
"What the hell was that all about?"
"Sammy do I look ugly today?" I asked him with a pouty tone.
He laughed and shook his head, "No. Emily. You never look ugly, and your make up is fine. Don't let Dean get to you. He just knows he'll have to be extra mean to the boys today."
I grinned showing my dimples. "You sure that's all? I don't look like a whore do I?"
Sam walked over and grabbed my bags from me, "No Emily. Would I walk with you out that door if you did?"
"I guess not."
"Just come on." He said ushering me out the door.
We stopped at a diner a few towns over and the bus boy was FINE AS HELL! Guess I picked a good day to spend a little extra time on my appearances.
Dean noticed me noticing of course and gave me the "don't even think about it because you're never ever having sex causing I'm never ever letting you have a boyfriend" look before going back to looking through dad's Journal- Sam was calling contacts to see if anyone's heard from Dad.
I decided to throw a wrench in his Dean's usual "no boys" tactics- if he was gonna play this game. Then I was gonna play it better.
A small grin started to twitch at my lips. "Dean…"
He looked back up at me.
"What's your favorite position?"
He choked on his drink and it spilt down his face onto his shirt, "What?!"
"Well since I'm not allowed to find out my own what's good and whats not I suppose I'll live vicariously through you. You know, I bet I could be your wing man and we could pull that waitress over there- she looks like she'd be a doggy style kinda girl. Find out for me and then you can spill on all the dirty details in the morning." I offered nonchalantly. Although the thought of that makes me wanna puke in mouth I knew it would freak Dean out, and that would be worth it.
He stared at me horrified.
"No? Okay then… I'm just gonna go back to checking out the bus boy then if you don't mind." He realized what I'd just done.
"So. Not. Funny."
Sam was oblivious to what just happened and just shook his head at Dean's comment, not even bothering to ask what it was about.
"Okay so Caleb said he hasn't seen Dad in months. And neither has Jefferson or Pastor Jim. What about the journal? Anything leads in there?" He asked Dean.
"No, same as last time I looked. Nothing I can make out... I love the guy, but I swear, he writes like friggin' Yoda."
"You know, maybe we should call the Feds. File a missing person's."
"We've talked about this. Dad'd be pissed if we put the Feds on his tail." I rolled my eyes after hearing this, who really gives a fuck if we piss off Dad at this point.
"I don't care anymore." Sam agreed with me unknowingly.
Dean's phone started to buzz somewhere in his jacket, but the damn fool couldn't find it… Sam just kept talking.
"After all that happened back in Kansas, I mean...he should've been there, Dean. You said so yourself. You tried to call him and...nothing."
"He was there Sam." I added coldly.
"Yeah well he should have been with us"
"I know!" Dean said getting irritated," Where the hell is my cellphone?"
Uggh. "Inside left pocket of your flannel Dean."
"You know, he could be dead for all we know." Oh Sam… please don't.
"Don't say that! He's not dead! He's – he's..." Dean tried to cover watching my face.
"He's what? He's hiding? He's busy?"
"Huh. I don't believe it." Dean mumbled barely loud enough for us to hear.
"What?" We asked simultaneously.
"It's, uh...It's a text message. It's coordinates."
"You think Dad is texting us now?" Sam asked as if the thought was ridiculous.
"He's given us coordinates before." Dean said pulling out a laptop.
"The man can barely work a toaster, Dean."
"Sam, it's good news! It means he's okay, or alive at least."
"Oh no." I muttered, not meaning to say it out loud.
"What's wrong?" Sam quickly asked.
"Umm… Dean. Are you sure it's Dad's phone number?"
"Nah, it said 'unknown' on the caller ID but I mean who else would it be."
Suddenly I felt like I could hurl. If dad sent us a text, then dad has checked his voicemail. If dad has checked his voicemail… then Dad has definitely heard my message. Oh shit.
I say shit when I'm mad. Mean shit. Ugly shit. I just…. What if that's the last thing Dad hears before he goes off and get s himself killed somewhere.
"Why Em what's wrong?" Sam asked watching me go pale. This caused Dean to look up too.
"Umm.. I kinda sorta. Called. Dad…."
"…and?" Dean pressed.
"Well.. I called him. Last night. On my walk."
Dean sighed and shut his eyes letting his head drop. He knew exactly what that meant. Sam just looked confused.
"Emily…. What did you say."
He looked back up to me and I was almost afraid to answer that question out loud.
"Umm. Something really not nice. With um. Probably the fuck word here and there."
"I knew you were gonna do something stupid. I should have locked you in the damn bathroom." Oh yeah. He was pissed. Because he knows that Dad's not just gonna let that one slide. He's gonna make sure I get what's coming for that, and unfortunately that means Dean will get an ear full as well.
"Dean!" Sam said as if he was getting on to him, "Come on Em it couldn't have been that bad."
"Oh yes. It could" Dean said before I had the chance.
"Sooo… ummm. The coordinates. Where we going?" I asked trying to change subjects. Dean shook his head at me before looking back at the laptop.
"That's the interesting part. Rockford, Illinois. Its only a few hours from here, lets go. I'll fill you in on the ride."
So it turns out Rockford has a haunted asylum. Cop went in, came home, killed his wife. Dean and Sam are inside the bar right now trying to get some dirt out of the guy's partner.
Suddenly I see Dean bust out the door. He walked over and got in.
"Well that was fast, where's Sammy."
"Method Acting." Dean Scoffed.
"Oooookay." I said not pushing it further.
Sam came out and got in not too long after that.
"Shoved me kinda hard in there, buddy boy." Dean said turning to look at him.
"I had to sell it, didn't I? It's method acting." What the hell is method acting?
"What'd you find out from Gunderson?" I asked getting us back on track.
"So, Walter Kelly was a good cop. Head of his class, even-keeled, he had a bright future ahead of him."
"What about at home?"
"He and his wife had a few fights, like everybody, but he was mostly smooth sailing. They were even talking about having kids."
How sad… This poor guy will live the rest of his life living with knowing he took his own future away. I had to get out of my head and back into the converstation.
"Alright, so either Kelly had some deep-seated crazy waiting to bust out, or something else did it to him." I pondered out loud.
"Right." Sam agreed.
"What'd Gunderson tell you about the asylum?" Dean asked.
"A lot."
The next morning I stood in front of a fence that was at least 100 feet high. Okay maybe I was being a little dramatic.
"Oh come on guys! This thing is as tall as 4 of me! There's no way I can get over it."
Sam easily scaled the chain link fence and hopped over.
"Alright Dean give her a boost and I'll catch." Dean went to grab my foot.
"You assholes better not drop me." I said putting my foot right in the palm of his hand and grabbing hold of the fence.
Dean pushed up and I pulled.
"Damn Emily… no more cheeseburgers for you." He said as he pushed me over, I climbed down some before Jumping and letting Sam catch me around my waist.
Dean Easily climbed up and slung his body over landing on two feet, I automatically kicked him in his shins.
"Ow! Son of a Bitch Em! What was that for?"
"Calling me fat you asshole!" I said as I stalked off walking ahead of Sam.
"Oh come on kiddo! I didn't mean it like that." He tried to holler at me obviously realizing that I'm 15 now, not 5 and calling me fat actually hurts my feelings.
This place was creepy as hell, even in the daylight. I walked as close as possible to Sam- the brother who would never call me fat- without actually stepping on his feet. I grabbed his arm with one hand and had my other sitting on my gun.
"So apparently the cops chased the kids here...into the south wing. " Sam informed us.
"South wing, huh? Wait a second …. 1972. Three kids broke into the south wing, only one survived. Way he tells it, one of his friends went nuts and started lighting up the place." Dean read finding notes in dad's journal.
"So whatever's going on, the south wing is the heart of it."
"But if the kids are spelunking the asylum, why aren't there a ton more deaths?" I asked not understanding.
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: As I sit here typing at 3 something in the morning something catches me out of the corner of my eye…. I just had a 20 min stand off with a HUGE ass spider. I have a serious legit fear yall. But I done ganked that bitch! Okay… now that I can breathe again its back to the story. Just had to share! )
"Looks like the doors are usually chained. Could've been chained up for years." Sam suggested.
"Yeah, to keep people out. Or to keep something in." Dean added. They gave each other a knowing look.
"Let me know if you see any dead people, Haley Joel."
"Seriously Dean?! You're being such an ass today! Are you on your man period or something?" I snapped at him. He seemed taken aback by my outburst.
"Dude, enough." Sam said.
"I'm serious. You gotta be careful, all right? Ghosts are attracted to that whole ESP thing you got going on."
"I told you, it's not ESP! I just have strange vibes sometimes. Weird dreams."
"Yeah, whatever. Don't ask, don't tell." He said before taking lead.
"You get any reading on that thing or not?"
"Nope. Of course, it doesn't mean no one's home." Well that' not creepy or anything.
"Spirits can't appear during certain hours of the day." I added.
"Yeah, the freaks come out at night." Dean said offering me a smile, I rolled my eyes and went back to Sam's side. Enforcing that I was pissed at Dean.
"Yeah." Sam mumbled.
"Hey Sam, who do you think is the hotter psychic: Patricia Arquette, Jennifer Love Hewitt, or you?" Sam shoved Dean, only making him laugh harder.
Dean slowed down to walk right beside me.
"If I promise to buy you chocolate tonight will you forgive me?"
"Why would you wanna do that, trying to fatten me up somemore?" I asked refusing to look at him.
"Oh Emily please, you know I didn't mean anything by it. Besides, muscle weighs more than fat." He tried to step in front of me. I dodged around him.
"Yeah well you're not allowed to call any woman who wear's over a a size 2 fat. Its just hateful. And That's exactly what you did." I said still not looking at him.
"I DID NOT! I was just saying your not a little girl anymore. I used to be able to throw you around like a football. Now you're all grown up with make up and boys look at you and you look at them." His face grew more and more uncomfortable as he went.
"All I'm saying is I would never call you fat, you know better than that." He said this time forcing me to stop. I gave in and looked at him.
"Well…. I suppose I could forgive you if you bring me some chocolate pie tonight." He grinned and I grinned back before walking ahead and catching up with Sam.
We walked into this horrific room, it had different medical equitment around old metal lables. Each had a set of straps to lock someone down. This was getting creepier by the minute.
"Man. Electro-shock. Lobotomies. They did some twisted stuff to these people. Kinda like my man Jack in Cuckoo's Nest." Dean said smiling at Sam, who simply ignored him.
"So. Whaddaya think? Ghosts possessing people?" Dean asked to whoever.
"Maybe. Or maybe it's more like Amityville, or the Smurl hunting." I suggested.
"Spirits driving them insane. Kinda like my man Jack in The Shining." Dean grinned. He was really pissing me off today.
"Dean." Sam said getting his attention, "When are we going to talk about it?"
"Talk about what?"
"About the fact Dad's not here."
"Oh. I see. How 'bout...never."
"I'm being serious, man. He sent us here..."
"I think we've figured out by now Dad's not going to be in any location he sends us Sammy." I pointed out.
"So am I, Sam. Look, he sent us here, he obviously wants us here. We'll pick up the search later."
"It doesn't matter what he wants."
"See. That attitude? Right there? That is why I always get the extra cookie." Oh my gosh… seriously Dean?
"Dad could be in trouble, we should be looking for him. We deserve some answers, Dean. I mean, this is our family we're talking about."
"I understand that, Sam, but he's given us an order. "
"So what, we gotta always follow Dad's orders?"
"Of course we do."
I took this as my cue to just walk out and wait by the fence… I didn't wanna listen to them argue anymore. They've been doing that quite a bit lately. Dad's usually in the center of it all. I can't listen to anything having to do with Dad right now.
Dean and Sam walked out with a name and a plan. Looks like I would be paying a visit to a therapist. This oughta be interesting.
The sign on the door read, 'Dr James Ellicott, Clinical Psychiatry'. Turns out his daddy was the doctor who worked the south wing in the 60s when all hell broke loose. Since that's all we knew it was up to me to get some info.
"Emily Collins?" A middle aged man called opening the door to his office. I stood up with a smile and walked in.
"Thanks for seeing me on such short notice, I know you're a busy man but I just couldn't wait any longer." I said sitting down across from him.
"Well I'm glad we could fit you in as well, panic attacks are a scary thing." He said as if already assessing my reactions to everything. I wasn't sure what to say when making the appointment so for once in my line of work I told the truth. Said I was having uncontrollable panic attacks lately.
"Yes. They are…" I said looking down and then up to his name plate.
"Wasn't there another Dr. Ellicot in this area? Worked in the nut house or something?" I asked.
"Umm. Yes. Actually. It was my father's facility. But I'm not sure that's important right now."
"Oh well I'm just so into local history and stuff, I would love to hear what happened. I heard there was some kind of incident in one of the wings… the south one maybe?" I was playing dumb really well.
"Emily. We're here on your dollar. I'm not sure discussing that will help you any." Damn. This guy is good.
"Oh.. right. Yeah."
"I'll make you a deal. You have an hour. Talk to me for the first 45 minutes, and then I'll talk to you for the last 15. Okay?"
"Okay Deal." I shook his hand.
"So Emily. Tell me about your life right now. What's been… going on?"
"Just roadtripping it with my brothers. I'm homeschooled and they're both graduated already so it gives us plenty of time to spend together.
"Do you enjoy being on the road."
"Yeah. Actually I love it. Its… comforting I guess?" Wait. Why am I saying this to him.
"What do you find so comforting about it?"
"Well." I said looking down at the floor. "It makes me feel like nothing can catch me. When I'm on the road with Dean it makes me feel safe. I've got him, and the road." EMILY SHUT UP! I couldn't get why I kept talking.
"Dean? Is he one of your brothers?"
"Yeah. The oldest. 10 years older than me."
"That's quite an age difference, are you close?"
"Very. Dean plays Daddy and best friend as much as he does brother." I slightly smiled.
"Seems like you put a lot of trust in him. Does he know about your panic attacks?"
"Yes. He uhh. He's the only one who can stop them. He just. Fixes me. I'm kind of like a broken record and he just never gives up on me. Just fixes it again and again." I was staring off considering the words that just came out of my mouth. Feeling again like I was less of a person because I couldn't cope with these things on my own.
"What about your other brother?"
"Sammy is 6 years older. He was always the touchy feely one." I said giggling.
"Sam isn't able to help with your panic attacks." Oh no. More word vomit. I can feel it coming.
"No. They started after Sam left…. I mean he's back now and all. But I guess I just. I need Dean. Dean knows how to fix it."
"Well have you tried to fix them yourself?"
"I can't." I said so low it was almost a whisper.
"Why not Emily?"
"I don't know." I answered honestly, looking him in the eyes for the first time in a while.
"I just freeze, and panic, and its like something is suffocating me, and I can't get back and Dean. He just. Brings me back."
"Okay Emily lets try this… when did they start."
"Two and half years ago."
"Was there anything stressful going on at that time?" Dude I couldn't even imagine where to start.
"Nothing more than the usual teenage girl stuff." I said starting to fidget with my hands, my leg tapping.
"Emily… I can't help you unless you're honest with me." He said eyeing my nervous habits. Damn this guy is good.
I just stared at the ground in silence. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I should run out now. Tell Dean it just didn't work. Although he would know better.
"Okay Emily. Let me ask you a question."
This caused me to look up at him.
"What's gonna happen if you have one while Dean isn't there?"
"Dean's always there. He promised."
"Emily I think you should be realistic and expect that Dean cannot be with you every step of the way for the rest of your life. You need to learn to lean a little less on him and a little more on yourself." I looked at him like he was crazy. No. Dean promised me after… he said he would never leave me again. He swore he would always be there. He promised me. Dean doesn't break promises.
I glanced at the clock, thank you God!
"Okay Doc. Your turn."
He began to tell me the gruesome story about a riot amongst the patients, and about how many bodies including his father's were never recovered. They relocated the patients and closed the place down. It was a crazy story really.
I stood up and got ready to leave.
"Thanks Doc." I said turning to leave.
"Emily wait… I'm going to put you down for another appointment next month. I think you did good today, but with a little more time I think you can really get past this. In the meantime I'm going to give you this…" He started to scribble notes on a paper, then he handed it to me.
"What is this?"
"Something that will help with the panic attacks, you have to learn to face them on your own. I think this could help you take that first step, it won't be a permanent prescription. But I think it would help you take that push to rely on yourself and not so much on your brother."
I looked down and read the paper, it had the word klonopin and some numbers written in behind it.
"Okay, I'll try." I was lying through my teeth.
As I walked down the hall I prepared to trash the small piece of paper, its not like I'll be back in a month. But instead, something stopped me. I folded the paper up and put it in my pocket.
"Damn kiddo you took forever, what the hell did you talk about in there?" Dean asked as I got in the backseat.
"Just the hospital." I said not meeting his gaze, or he would know I was lying.
He eyed me carefully but decided to drop it I guess.
I shared my new information with the boys and we made plans to revisit the asylum that night. But as we got back to the hotel room, I realized that I'd never be able to get this prescription filled with these two constantly on my ass.
"Hey Dean, do you know where we put the Tylenol?"
"Yeah kiddo, why what's wrong?" He said digging in his bag. Tossing me the bottle.
"I think I've just got a migraine or something… " I said rubbing my head and curling up with a pillow.
He came over and sat by me, anytime I was remotely sick he went all momma bear on me. He put the back of his hand against my forehead and then on the back of my neck.
"Well I don't feel a fever, think you just need to sleep it off? Me and Sammy can cover this one without you." BINGO!
"Are you sure De?" I kinda felt bad leaving them to do it alone, but its not like it would be a difficult job.
"Yeah kiddo, you just sleep this thing off and we'll roll out in the morning okay?" he offered stroking some hair behind my ear like he used to do when I was little and sick.
Thinking about this made me wanna crawl up in his arms, not that I was really sick obviously, but it was just the most comfortable place I could imagine. I settled with just sitting up and wrapping my arms around his neck, hugging him.
He seemed taken back but wrapped his arms around me and hugged back.
"What's that for kiddo?" he asked confused.
All I could do was think about Dr. Ellicott's words earlier. How could I rely on anyone else but Dean. How could I get through life without him? He was my rock to stand on. The only thing firm and stable thing I had in this life.
"For always being there."
Dean and Sam got their stuff together and Sam came over and planted a small kiss on my forehead before leaving.
"Get some rest Em, you'll feel better." Dammit. Why are they so nice to me when I'm sick. I was really starting to feel bad about faking it all.
I waited about 30 minutes after the boys left to get back up and put on my jeans. I left the hotel and started walking towards town where I knew there would be some sort of 24 hour drug store open.
When I reached the building it was almost empty, probably just the employees and a shopper or two inside. I took that little piece of paper out of my pocket and walked up to the counter, handing it to the guy on the other side.
He looked it over and then glanced at me, "You have an ID?"
I pulled out my good ole bar ID that clearly states 22 years of age and handed it to him.
He handed it back and left to get my pills. When he came back he walked around the side of the counter and came to stand next to me.
"Okay, this medication requires a little conversation before I can hand it over. Honestly I'm surprised he gave this to someone so young." He said eyeing me again.
"I have some pretty nasty panic attacks." I shared, God why do I keep telling people shit today?
"Ahh. I see. That would explain it then. Well. I would advise you just take a half for a while, till you're used to it. I'm not sure how sudden your attacks come but you should take a half of one every time you feel one starting, or 30 minutes prior to anything that you already know would trigger one."
"Yeah I wish I was that lucky. Do they kick in pretty quick?"
"Yes. Within 15-30 minutes. Like I said the sooner you take it the better. Also. NEVER mix this drug with alcohol okay? It can cause some pretty serious side effects. Makes it easy to OD on it. I've seen it one too many times before."
I nodded and said thank you, I payed for the drug, grabbed some candy to munch on back in the room and left.
When I got back I knew I would have to hide them pretty well. I ripped off the label and colored in the orange bottle with a black sharpie. Throwing it in my make-up bag where I was almost positive the boys would never find it.
I dozed off quickly but woke up as I heard the boys come in. Damn they look rough. Now I feel really guilty.
"Are you two okay?!" I jumped up and flipped on more lights so I could look at them better. Sam had a massive black eye forming, a cut on his cheek, and limped his way in.
Dean's shirt was tattered and he was slightly bleeding on his chest. He winced when he went to sit down.
"Yeah. We'll be fine." He hissed as he moved.
"Dean, sit down. I'm going to get the first aid kit." I said getting into his duffel.
"Don't go anywhere Sammy you're next." I said pointing to him.
I sat down in a chair facing Dean, I had him take off his shirt and began to clean up the odd wounds on his chest.
"De. What the hell happened? What is this stuff?" I asked wiping away black dirt as I cleaned.
"Its gun powder." My eyes shot up to his.
"Some one shot you?!"
"Yeah, with rock salt. Hurts like a bitch by the way." He said turing to look at Sam. Who looked down guilty.
"Seriously. You're saying Sam shot you?" I almost giggled it sounded so ridiculous, but when I stopped to focus on Sam I realized it was really upsetting him. What the hell happened.
"So what'd you do to piss him off?" I asked Dean going back to his wounds.
"He didn't Em… Ellicott did some kind of mind trick or something…. It was my fault not Deans." Sam said sadly.
"Hey Sammy whatever happened out there, trust me. This asshole deserved it." I stopped cleaning long enough to wink at Dean, he had a smile pulling at the left side of his mouth.
When I went to clean up Sam I could tell he was really upset.
"You wanna talk about it?"
"Not really."
I smiled sadly at him, and finished his face, then I wrapped my arms around him as if he was a giant teddy bear.
"I love you Sammy. Whatever it was I'm sure it wasn't your fault."
"I don't know Em. I'm glad you weren't there though."
"That bad?"
"Yeah kiddo… that bad." I squeezed him to me and felt his hand rub my back, I hated seeing Sam upset. He was like a little puppy, you would give anything to fix whatever was wrong so you could see him smile again.
After I was done I cleaned up the mess, and curled back into bed. Dean crawled in and got under the blanket pushing the sheet towards me so he didn't accidentally pull it off of me later.
I was sleeping good when I heard Dean's phone ringing… and ringing. I bumped him with my elbow.
"Dean! Phone!"
He grumbled and hit me with his pillow, what an ass. Then I heard Sam sit up to answer it. I was dozing back off.
"Dad?" Sam said loudly.
Wait…. Dad?