—The Aftermath—
Lu's POV
''We need to talk,'' I say as I follow Andy into the kitchen. Only one day has gone by since... I don't even know how to refer to it, but it's the weekend; I can't wait until Monday to talk about what happened, and with her and Milo coming over tonight to have dinner with Jonas and I, I felt I should talk to her beforehand.
I haven't told Jonas what happened, and despite the many intruding thoughts I've tried not to think about it either.
''About?'' Andy asks me, completely innocently and for a split second I wonder if yesterday even happened.
''You know what about,'' I say. ''About... us,'' I whisper.
She frowns at me, ''why are you whispering?'' She turns the gas down and starts stirring the tomato soup she's making, although it feels more like she's just doing it to avoid looking at me.
''I just thought, in case Jesse or Li-''
''They're not home,'' she tells me. She turns the stove off and wipes her hands, ''what's there to talk about? It happened, and... It'll never happen again.'' She tells me.
I nod. ''I know. I just wanted to make sure that we're okay.'' When she doesn't cut me off I take a deep breath and dare to take a step closer to me. She throws the dishtowel down on the kitchen island and moves to the other side.
She gives a shrug, ''we're okay,'' she says.
''I don't think we are,'' I say as I once again make my way over to her. When she tries to step away I grab her hand and keep her in place. We both know that she's physically stronger than me and if she wants me to let it go she would've made me, but she doesn't resist.
She faces me. ''It shouldn't have happened,'' she says.
''Then why did you tell me about what Milo told you?'' I ask her. It's something I've been wondering. At different times she both pushed me away and pulled me closer. It wasn't her idea, but at times it almost seemed like it.
''What haven't I told you?'' She asks me only half jokingly. She pulls her hand away from mine. ''Look, I don't know what I expected would happen. I mean, I can tell you it wasn't that, but...'' She makes her way over to the stove, ''do you want some soup?''
''Andy...'' I drag out her name, she's a master at avoiding topics.
''Okay,'' she says, knowing that I won't give it a rest. ''Why did you do it?'' I stare at her for a few seconds, thinking about it. ''Why'd you kiss me? Why did you...'' Make you beg me to make you come? I finish the sentence in my head.
I swallow hard, now's not the time to replay last night in my head. ''I don't know,'' I tell her honestly. ''After what you told me I wanted to get a rise out of Milo, and the whole thing just got carried away. I never meant to let it go that far.'' She nods. ''Speaking of Milo...'' I've heard some stories through the grapevine about his ex-wife cheating on him, and despite how turned on he looked yesterday I can't help but wonder how he reacted afterwards.
She looks for the right words for a second. ''We worked it out,'' she tells me rather vaguely.
I smile at her as a small blush spreads across her cheeks, ''tell me,'' I urge her.
She gives me the same look she always gives me, ''Delgado!''
''No reason to be coy now, we've basically already had sex,'' I say as I sit down on one of the barstools.
Her face turns to shock as Milo walks in through the laundry room door into the kitchen. I hadn't even heard him come down the stairs. ''Good morning,'' he gives Andy a peck on the check, as her eyes remain focused on mine, before glancing over at me, ''Delgado.'' He gives me a slight smile.
We've never been particularly close and I had expected him to be even colder after yesterday, but his warmness now makes me feel even more conflicted.
''I hope I'm not interrupting anything,'' he says as he sits down at the kitchen table, observing us.
''You're not.'' Andy fills a bowl and puts it down in front of him. ''We were talking about tonight,'' she tells him and I know it shouldn't surprise me how easily she lies but it does. She puts a bowl down in front of me as well and I can tell she doesn't really care if I eat.
She seems colder now and I don't know if it's because I described what happened as having sex, or if it's because Milo walked in. I turn around and see the puzzled look on his face, ''dinner? Tonight? Over at Jonas and I's house?'' I ask him, hoping it rings a bell.
He gives me a nod as it comes back to him, ''how did Jonas respond?'' He asks me. When I don't answer he frowns, ''you did tell him, didn't you?''
I didn't. After Andy and Milo left the clinic last night I stayed late to catch up on paperwork and avoid Jonas as much as possible. When I finally got home I slept on the couch, pretending that I had fallen asleep there whilst doing some work. He had barely said a word this morning before I left, knowing Andy would be up early and wanting to talk to her about what happened.
''I thought...'' I look back and forth between them, hoping against hope that what I say will sound somewhat convincing, ''that it would be best if I didn't tell him.''
Andy looks at me and I can tell she's annoyed, ''Lu...''
I bite my lip, ''I mean, the only reason Milo even knows is because he happened to be there.'' Before the words are all out I already know it didn't come out the right way.
Milo sits up a little straighter, ''you mean to say that that would still have happened if I hadn't been there?''
''No.'' Andy cuts in before I can say something. She knows I've got a big mouth. She finally fills a bowl for herself. ''The only reason it happened was because...'' she doesn't know how to finish that sentence, and I know it's because I don't know the reason either.
''It was a private... show,'' fingers crossed Andy won't take offense with that word like she does with every other word I've used today, ''just for you.'' I tell Milo.
He chuckles slightly and Andy and I share a look. ''If you wanted it to be private you should have closed the blinds,'' Milo says, breaks off a piece of bread and eats it, watching our reactions.
I watch Andy's eyes close in disbelief, ''please tell me you are kidding.'' The way she is glaring at Milo makes me want to disappear, but he's calmly eating.
''At least half the cleaning crew walked by,'' he says and I bury my face in my hands, ''at least one or two caught a glimpse.'' He doesn't sound upset at all and it surprises me. Maybe this is the payback he wanted for what we did.
My mind is racing. The whole hospital is basically one big gossip network, you tell a secret to the wrong person and in no time everybody will know. Andy sits down opposite Milo, trying to appear calm and collected. ''What do we do?'' She asks nobody in particular. Milo and I look at each other.
I pull my hair out of my ponytail as I open the front door. I know their smiles are fake, but seeing Andy and Milo stand on the other side makes me feel a little calmer. I left Andy's house in the early afternoon and ever since I've been avoiding Jonas, I know I have to tell him but I don't know how.
I can hear Jonas' footsteps in the kitchen coming towards us. As Andy takes off her coat she gets a bit closer to me and her warmness and the scent of her perfume bring me right back to yesterday. ''How did it go?'' She asks me quietly.
I give her a smile as I take her coat, ''I didn't tell him,'' I tell her through gritted teeth.
The look that flashes across her face is exactly what I expected, but she puts on a smile, ''Jonas.'' She greets him and they peck each other on the cheek. ''We brought wine,'' she says, handing it to him.
''Thanks, it'll go great with the steak,'' he says as he looks over at me, I know he feels the awkwardness.
We make pleasantries as we sit down for drinks and then dinner. I can't look Andy and Milo in the eye and they're relatively quiet. It's mostly Jonas trying to make conversation; I can tell he's running out of topics when he brings up the stock market. I look up at him, silently asking him to stop. He looks back at me, lost. ''What do you want me to say?'' He asks me, exasperatedly looking at me through his thick eyelashes.
''Calm down, it's not like they meant it to go that far,'' Milo tells me as he takes a swig of his wine, and in that moment I realize he and Andy haven't been alone together for even half a second, he doesn't know Jonas doesn't know.
Jonas looks at him confused before looking back at Andy and then me, ''what is he talking about?'' He asks and I dare to look over at Andy, who still won't meet my eye. ''Did you two have a fight?''
Andy's eyes dart across the room, ''not exactly,'' she says under her breath before, just like Milo, focusing on her drink instead.
''What?'' Jonas asks her, he looks back and forth between Andy and Milo for a few seconds before turning in his seat, ''Luisa?''
''Okay,'' I take deep breath, ''yesterday-''
''Lu...'' Andy gives me a look.
''Yesterday,'' I repeat, tuning her out. ''Something happened,'' I say slowly. Jonas is patiently waiting for me to continue. ''Andy and I... kissed.'' I tell him, not wanting to continue.
He looks stunned for a moment before a look of relief crosses his face, ''okay.'' He says, nodding slightly. ''I mean...'' I can see he's not happy about it but is putting that out of his mind for now. ''The way you've all been awkwardly looking at each other... I expected much worse,'' he says and chuckles, he takes a sip of his wine. ''Is that all?''
I bite my lip, ''no.'' His eyebrows shoot up. ''I mean, it started out as kissing and then...'' I shake my head, I don't want to say it.
''It went too far?'' Jonas asks, recalling Milo's words. He looks over at Andy, who after a few seconds reluctantly meets his gaze. I can see that her silence confirms his question. ''How far?'' The combination of his pressing the issue and the few glasses of wine I've had makes it all spill out.
I tell him everything, only leaving out the awkward details. The stunned look on his face tells me all I need to know. ''Jonas, it just got out of hand, it'll never happen again.'' I tell him, his hands are in mine by now and we're both ignoring the couple on the other side of the table. ''I'm so sorry.''
Not long after this Andy and Milo decide to leave. It's awkward goodbyes before it's Jonas and I alone together again. I sit down next to Jonas on the couch, ''talk to me.''
''I'm just flabbergasted. I didn't expect this from you,'' he says, ''or from her.''
''It wasn't her doing.'' I tell him. I'm not actually sure about this, if telling me about Milo's fantasies was her coming on to me or what, but I take full responsibility for what happened.
''And it'll never happen again?'' Jonas asks me, despite the fact that I've told him that a half a dozen times already tonight.
''Never.''
''Next patient Lana,'' I ask as I put down my patient's file on the desk. It's Monday. We're back at work. Two seconds into my work day and the hushed whispers and stares were all I needed to confirm my suspicions. Everybody knows. I've been treating patient after patient, skipped lunch, and didn't take as much as a pee break. Andy has been doing the same, and I know it's to avoid people asking questions.
''This might be hard to believe, but we're all out,'' she tells me as she stands up. I look over at the waiting room, my eyelids heavy because of how tired I am. There is no one. No one to distract me, no one to keep people at a polite distance because I'm busy. No one to keep Lana from asking questions.
''I'll go,'' I motion to my office, ''do some paperwork,'' I say. I can feel Lana's arm around my shoulder as she follows me to my office.
''We've got some talking to do,'' she tells me. I put my hand up. I don't want to think about what happened, I don't want to talk about it. ''Now I know you ain't keeping secrets from Lana,'' she says as I turn around in the doorway, knowing that if she follows me inside the stream of questions will be endless.
''Lana, I don't know what you heard, but,'' I take a deep breath, I'm tired of it, ''it's all true.'' I close the door in her face, feeling bad for shutting my best friend out like that.
The sound of a loud thump causes my head to lift up, eyes opening. My head is pounding and for a moment I'm disoriented. It's been a long time since I last fell asleep at my desk. Andy's standing on the other side, ''I referred her to Benson in oncology,'' she tells me and I frown at her.
My eyes fall on the patient file that she just dropped on my desk. I had completely forgotten about the consult I asked her for last week. ''Thanks.'' I say and as she walks over to the door as I stand up. ''Andy.''
She pauses, her hand on the door and I can see her contemplate whether to stay or to leave. After what feels like an eternity she turns to me. I can see she's tired as well, but her skin still glows and her lips-
I swallow hard, not allowing my mind to go there. I stand up, walk to the other side of the desk and lean against it. ''I don't want what happened to affect our friendship,'' I tell her. I notice the way she looks at me and it takes me a few seconds to realize that I'm in the exact same position as the one I forced her into last Friday. No, not forced. I have to remind myself that.
She hesitates, ''me neither.'' She takes a few steps towards me, looking uncertain.
It's not as if we hang on the phone all night talking, or even spend that much time together outside of work, but over the years we have grown a lot closer. What she said on Saturday was true, she does tell me just about everything. I would hate to lose our friendship because of one... mistake.
''Let's just pretend it never happened,'' I tell her, guessing that's what she's most comfortable with.
She gives a slight smile, ''that's going to be difficult with everybody talking about it,'' she says. ''But sure.'' She looks at me for a little bit, ''so what did Jonas say after we left?''
''He wasn't happy,'' I tell her. She sits down across from me. ''He seems to think that now we can't be alone together without jumping each other's bones.'' She laughs at that. ''I think he needs some time to trust me again.''
She cocks her head to the side, ''I'm sorry.''
''It's okay, it's my fault after all,'' I say.
''It's no one's fault,'' she says softly. I don't want to ask her but it somewhat confirms my suspicion that she was the one who really made the first moves. ''Fault implies that...''
''A mistake was made,'' I say. The look on her face makes me frown, ''you don't think it was a mistake?''
She doesn't answer right away. ''I don't think it was a good idea,'' she says. ''Not that much thought went into it, but still.'' I look at her, unsure of what to say. ''Either way, I'm sorry,'' she says, standing up.
Her coat is hanging over her arm and I realize she's heading home. I feel like much is being left unsaid but maybe it should remain that way. I follow her to the door to my office and we linger there for a few seconds. She looks into my eyes and I look into hers. After a few seconds she clears her throat, ''I should be heading home.''
''Andy?'' I ask and she looks back at me for what I feel like will be the last time. I put my hand on her arm, stopping her from leaving. She licks her lips and I realize my mouth is dry too. Our eyes are locked on each other and I can see how hers are darker than usual. I lean in a bit and when she doesn't push me away our lips meet. Her softness, her warmth, I try to make it last as long as possible but in reality it's just a few seconds. I pull away from her first, our foreheads resting together for a second. ''I'll see you tomorrow.''