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—The Disengagement—
''I love you.'' The words came out before he had time to process them. He was panting as he collapsed on top of her, his hands massaging her boob as he could feel her hand still moving between the two of them. He looked at her face, all scrunched up as she was nearing the edge.
She could feel his mouth move to her neck, kissing her there in all the right places. It only took a second before she fell over the edge, clenching around him, loving the way he filled her up. Her hips were raised off the bed, resting on a pillow, and the new angle was just perfect. Her nails were digging into his skin, ''I love,'' she moaned out, trying to form a correct sentence, ''your dick.'' She was aware he was chuckling but didn't care.
It took a little while for her moaning to stop and for her brain to start functioning again. She could feel his warmness inside of her and frowned, ''did you use a condom?'' She asked, feeling his cum start to leak out.
He looked at her, ''yeah, of course I did.'' They always did, just as a precaution. They were both clean- they had gone to be tested pretty quickly after their arrangement had started- and she had made it clear that she didn't expect to still be able to get pregnant—but better safe than sorry. He was still buried deep inside of her and didn't want to disengage just yet.
''I think it broke,'' she said, silently groaning. With Milo she never cared about condoms. The feeling of his seed spilling inside of her was something that she loved; it made her feel connected to him in a strange way. She didn't mind it with him. But in this situation, with this arrangement that was just about getting each other off—not about love or anything messy like that, condoms just made the whole clean up a lot simpler.
She could feel Nick roll off of her and immediately missed him being inside of her. She turned her head towards him as it sunk in what he had said. She quietly accepted the tissue he handed her and cleaned herself up best as she could.
''I didn't mean that,'' he said, feeling like he owed her an explanation. This was a casual situation, they had both made it clear from the get-go that they didn't have feelings for each other and that they were never going to be romantically involved. ''It's just something that sometimes slips out when the sex is really good.'' He said. They had been doing this for a while now but this was the first time he had let the L word slip out.
She took a deep breath, ''it's okay, it happens. For what it's worth, I meant every word.''
''I did mean every word, it's not about that,'' Andy said as she leaned against the gurney. Nick was standing in front of her, awfully close, confused as to why for the first time since they had started sleeping together almost 7 months before she was pushing him away. ''Your dick really is amazing, and the sex was great.'' She was keeping her voice down, not wanting anyone else to hear her words.
''But?'' Nick asked, his hands on her hips, wanting to pull her close. They saw each other in a professional manner but when he looked at her now all he could think about was how great she felt around him, how much he loved looking down and seeing her red-painted lips around him. Their arrangement had been perfect for him. He wasn't in a relationship, he didn't have to take her out for fancy meals or be her +1 to anything, whilst he still got laid pretty much as often as he wanted.
''Milo and I are getting back together,'' Andy said. ''He decided not to go to Seattle, he and Sandra have separated.'' She wasn't going to deny how good it felt to finally say those words; she had been waiting for this to happen for so long. Still, it felt strange that Nick hadn't heard yet. So much had happened between her and Milo in the few days since he had gotten back that she had almost forgotten that to Nick they were still… together, or whatever he wanted to call it.
''Oh,'' Nick said, taking his hands off of her and taking a step back. ''Okay. Not how I expected this would end, but okay.'' He ran a hand through his hair, looking away.
Andy frowned at him. ''We both knew this wasn't going to last,'' she said. ''How did you think it would end?'' She sat down.
Nick shrugged, ''I honestly thought it would be you, I don't know, accepting your feelings for Lu and you two getting together.'' He saw the look on her face. ''It's obvious that you have feelings for her, everyone can see it.''
''You didn't seriously think she and I would become a couple, did you?'' She asked. She had asked Milo to think about in what way she and Lu could be together that he would be okay with, and she certainly hoped that he would accept them being something to each other, but there was a big difference between being something and being couple.
''Why not? Milo moving away just seemed like the push you needed,'' he said, watching her become just the slightest bit uncomfortable. ''Look, I'm going to miss being with you, but I want you to do what makes you happy, and I seriously thought that Lu was it. I'm not trying to upset you,'' he put his hand on her shoulder, ''I just want you to choose Milo because he makes you happy- truly happy-, not because he's a man and Lu's a woman so he might seem like the more obvious choice.''
''It's not about that,'' Andy said. ''I don't care that Lu is a woman, and I'm not going to deny that I was in love with her, or maybe still am. But, Milo is the one. He is my one.''
''Are you sure?''
''Yes. He's the 'reach for the stars, over the fence, world series' kinda thing,'' Andy said, recalling the movie Jesse had made her watch dozens of time when she was still little. ''No matter how I feel about Lu, it doesn't change that.''
It had been a few days since she had broken it off with Nick, and even longer since she had seen or heard from Milo. She knew that she had told him that he should take his time to figure out what he wanted, and what he would be okay with in regards to her relationship with Lu. But now all she wanted was to have him near, feel his hands on her, and be able to feel him.
Almost just as bad she wanted to go over to Lu and be able to give into her feelings. She had missed Lu somewhat during the time since they had broken up, but her talk with Jonas had reignited the feelings and brought back the memories of how good it had been.
The realization that she actually was in love had been a big one, but she hadn't acted on her feelings even once since then. Their relationship was mostly normal. They discussed patients and Lu would blow up every once in a while when she felt she or her patients were being treated unfairly. All very standard coming from her.
Except nowadays normal included off-hand sexual remarks and looks that would stop anyone in their tracks. Their kiss last week, as well as the sleeping together- no matter how platonic that had been- only served to create more tension.
Knowing that Lu was off limits, at least for the time being, made it even harder to be around her and not do anything. Andy was usually very good at following the rules, and for the most part Milo telling her what she could and couldn't do when they were in bed together only made her more turned on—his dominant tendencies were a big part of why they worked so well together.
It was what had made being with Lu so good, she loved taking control as well. Just like with Milo, outside the bedroom they were equal as could be, no one was ordering anyone else around—but as soon as the door to the bedroom closed it was a different story.
Maybe that was part of the reason why- for probably the first time- she didn't mind Lu storming into her office ranting about one thing or the other. Those perfect lips yelling at her whilst waving around some patient file.
Andy didn't even hear what it was about, too distracted by her mere presence.
''What if I said no?''
Andy looked up from the chart in front of her, seeing Milo standing in the doorway. ''Huh?''
He took a few steps into the room- letting the door fall shut- resting his hands on the back of one of the chairs so that if he wanted he could leave within seconds. ''What if I said no to you and Lu being together? What would happen then?'' He seemed somewhat nervous for the answer.
She put her pen down, contemplating it for a second. It wasn't that it hadn't crossed her mind- truth be told, she had not a clue as to what Milo's answer would be- but she didn't want to think about it. ''Then nothing,'' she said, ''if you say no then- if you want to- we stay together and Lu and I will… just be friends.'' There was no doubt in her mind that this would be easier said than done, and that she truly could not promise that nothing would happen—but her talk with Nick had made things clearer to her. Milo really was the one. And Lu was with Jonas anyway.
Milo noticed the hesitation towards the end of her answer and he knew that it wasn't what Andy wanted. ''You would be okay with that? Just me for, hopefully, the rest of your life?'' He asked.
After a few seconds she nodded and got up, taking his hands into her own. ''I love you, and you're plenty-''
''Then why do I have to make this choice?'' He asked, interrupting her. ''If I'm plenty then why do you even want to be with her?'' She didn't answer, and he knew exactly what that meant. ''Why can't I be enough for you?''
''It's not like that. Milo, you're a lot of things; you're sweet, and funny, you're kind, you're sexy…'' Her hands were on his chest and her words combined with the feeling of his muscles under his shirt made it hard to think for a second. She swallowed hard. ''It's not that I want more, I like going out with you and having sex with you and we do those things often enough—Lu is just different. The things she and I do are different, our whole dynamic is nothing like yours and mine is.''
He had taken three days to think about it, it was Thursday now, and it had only led to more questions. Having her this close to him though, it made it hard not to give in and give her whatever she wanted, and it reminded him of why it had taken him so long to break up last time round. He shrugged, ''it's fine with me if you have feelings for her, I just don't want you to act on them. I want you to myself.''
She gave a slight nod and took a step back. ''Okay.''
''You would be okay with that?'' Milo asked. He hadn't been blind, he recognized the look Andy had in her eyes when she looked at Lu, had seen how hard they found it to resist each other—but no matter how much of a turn on it had been to watch them together, and have Lu watch the two of them together, he was too possessive to risk losing her, again.
She wanted to nod, smile at him; tell him with full confidence that it was indeed okay. That she could really give this up for him, but it was hard. ''For you, yes.'' She did actually mean it, she would do just about anything in this world for him, but that didn't mean it was what she truly wanted. She could hear Lu and Lana talking to each other as they walked past her office and could feel a knot forming in her stomach.
Andy turned away from a Milo, focusing on work had always been her preferred method for dealing with personal issues. She could feel his hand moving down her spine and a shiver ran through her. This conversation with Milo was like breaking up with Lu, and she couldn't pretend it didn't sadden her, but Milo's hands on her were distracting. His hand softly brushing against her ass went straight to her core.
His lips moved to her neck and she leaned her head back, leaning against his body. His hands came up to her breasts, playing with them for a second before one hand made its way down, sneaking into her skirt, rubbing her through her underwear.
She could feel a quiet moan coming out and for a second forgot that she was in her office. The blinds were open, the door unlocked, lots of people outside. She wanted to turn around, push Milo up against the wall and let herself lose control—but Lu's laugh echoed through the hallways and it brought her back down to reality.
She turned ever so slightly and pushed Milo away. ''We can't do that. Not here, not now.'' She said, walking back to the other side of her desk and looking down at the files in front of her, shuffling them around with no particular purpose other than not wanting to look at Milo.
Milo hesitated, not used to getting rejected by her. ''Are you okay?''
Andy swallowed hard, not wanting to have everything spill out. She knew that he knew how she was feeling. That even though she had made her choice, and she would never call being with Milo settling, she still had lost something. ''I'm fine,'' she said, ''I just need to get back to work, there are a lot of patients waiting.''
''Andy, come on, it's me,'' Milo said, ''you can talk to me.''
She looked up, straight into those eyes that she usually couldn't help but get lost in but now didn't want to see for a while. ''I said I'm fine.''
She had her face buried in her hands. She had set a timer to make sure she didn't check the test prematurely, but it had long gone off and she couldn't look. There was no doubt in her mind that it would be positive. What she had told Nick was true, but since that condom had broken almost a month and a half earlier she had known instinctually that she had been wrong.
Finally lifting up her head she picked up the test. For a second the two clear as day lines didn't sink in. Her mind went blank. She had known what the result would be, but actually seeing it was a different thing completely.
Nothing was going according to what she wanted. Not with Milo, not with Lu. And now little Biancavilla junior was on its way.