So.. wrote two versions of this chapter, and only decided just now that I was going to post this version. I'm sure the decision I made won't be popular but whatever.

Anyways, wishing everybody a happy 2019! May it be everyone's best year yet, and I hope to regale you all with my stories this new year :)

—The Decision—

Andy was sitting in the bathroom, pill in one hand, glass of water in the other. She had been staring down at them for the past couple of minutes, trying to get herself to actually take them. It had been a little over an hour since she had told Milo she was pregnant, how it was Nick's and how she didn't intend to keep it.

She knew Milo had always been a bit iffy about having kids. After much debate he and his ex-wife had decided not to have any—which in the end was clearly for the best. She had seen the relief on his face when he found out he wasn't going to be a father, the relief he had had that she was turning him down because of this baby as opposed to something he had done.

His reaction was exactly the kind of push she needed. It had been two weeks since she had found out, she had had the pills all that time, but she had been unable to force herself to take them. She didn't want this baby; she didn't want to co-parent with Nick of all people, but since hearing the heartbeat…

''Milo, could you come in here?'' She asked, leaning over and unlocking the door.

''What's going on?'' He asked, closing the door behind him quietly. Lizzy was still asleep in her bed and they didn't want to risk her walking in on anything.

She looked up at him, ''I can't do it.'' She put the water down on the edge of the sink next to her. ''I don't want this baby, at all, but I can't do this.'' He looked away from her and it made her stomach sink a little. She would choose Milo over just about anyone and anything—she had made that more than clear—but that didn't mean she didn't sometimes need an extra push in the right direction. ''Tell me what to do.''

''I can't tell you what to do, you know that.'' Milo said.

''You love telling me what to do,'' Andy said, knowing that she was taking his controlling tendencies completely out of context.

''There is a difference between telling you to hike up your skirt and lean over my desk, and telling you to abort your unborn child,'' Milo said dryly. ''I can't make this decision for you, and I don't want to.'' He could see the conflicting emotions in Andy's eyes. ''I should go home, give you room to think about this.''

Andy watched him leave the bathroom, could hear the front door downstairs shut not a minute later. She paced around the bathroom for a little while longer before sitting down with a sigh. For a second she turned her mind off, downing the pill and the glass of water before her mind could protest. She had made her decision, she just wasn't sure she'd still feel the same way in the morning.

As always her alarm went off at 5 on the dot. Rolling over she found her youngest daughter fast asleep next to her, blonde hair covering her face as she was snoring quietly. Sliding out from under the covers, Andy ignored the November cold.

Slowly the memories of the night before started coming back to her. In the bathroom she took the second of the two pills, a painkiller, and a shower. Abortion or not, there were patients waiting for her at the hospital.

''What's going on with you?'' Nick asked as he gently escorted her into one of the exam rooms. It had been not two minutes since one of Andy's patients had been admitted following a heart attack, but now that she had been he could focus on Andy. From the moment she had entered the ER he had known something was wrong. He watched her as she sat down. Her face was pale, she was sweating, and she was slightly hunched over clutching her stomach.

Andy raised her head up, ''it's nothing, I'm fine.'' If it had been anyone else asking her she might have told them, but not Nick. ''I just need to go home, lie down for a bit and then I'll be good as new. I'm sure it's just a 24 hour thing.'' Her whole day had been hell, but she had gotten through it. It was almost the end of her shift—close to 9 at night—and even though she had been able to avoid Nick most of the day, she knew he wouldn't just let her feeling sick go.

The cramps had been stronger than the painkillers, and there was almost too much blood to keep up with it. It had been within the first two hours of being at the hospital that Andy got used to people asking her if she was sick and asking if she needed to lie down or go home. All day she dreamt about the moment her shift was up and she could go home and curl up with a hot water bottle. It was a nice change of pace from thinking about Lu.

Nick didn't believe her for a second. ''Just let me check you out real quick, it'll take five minutes.'' He said. He could see Andy start to protest but was quick to nip it in the bud. ''Do it for me, give me some peace of mind.'' He gave her his signature smile, but it didn't seem to do much for her now like it had in the past.

She knew that he wasn't going to let this go, and that her refusing an examination would only make him more insistent. Reluctantly she grabbed onto his hand and sat back on the exam table, all the while her mind racing trying to figure out how to tell him about the medication she had taken, wondering how he would respond to it. He knew that he had broken up with her predecessor Dr Stowe because he didn't want to have children yet, but she had no idea how he felt about it now.

He wasn't lying when he said he just needed five minutes. ''Fever of a 102.7,'' he whistled softly, ''heart rate 76, BP 120/82, distended abdomen,'' he looked down at her chart. He had just started the examination to check if there was anything wrong that he could find, he hadn't bothered taking her background yet. ''Do you know when this started?''

Andy hesitated, ''this morning.'' She said. She wasn't exactly being forthcoming with all of this, but she was stalling.

''Did you eat anything out of the ordinary?'' He asked, '' any medication maybe? Anything at all.'' He looked up from his chart and immediately knew that she knew exactly what was causing this. ''Andy? What's going on?''

She looked at him quietly for a minute, ''I had an abortion. I took the second pill this morning,'' she told him.

Nick seemed to take a few minutes to process this. He had expected her to have the flu or possibly food poisoning. ''Was it…'' he started, motioning towards himself as he backed away from her.

For a second she contemplated lying to him and telling him that it had been Milo's baby, but given the fact that he had never been anything but honest with her that seemed unfair. ''It was yours, ''she confirmed.

Nick ran his hands through his hair, ''why didn't you tell me?'' He asked. He tried to figure out how this could've happened. They were always so careful, always used protection… His mind slowly drifted back to the one time that the condom broke… 8 or 9 weeks ago now. He tried to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down.

''I knew I wasn't going to keep it,'' Andy said, grabbing his hand in an effort to get him to stop pacing around, ''I didn't think you'd ever find out, me telling you wasn't going to do either of us any good.''

Up until this point having a child eventually had just been a concept, but the thought that there had almost been one running around, it threw him off his game a bit. ''You didn't even ask me if I wanted it,'' he said.

''Nick, no offense, but I do not want to raise a child with you,'' Andy said. ''What we had was wonderful while it lasted but it's not as if we had feelings for each other, we certainly never planned to have children together…'' She could see him start to get a bit mad and she honestly hadn't counted on that happening. ''I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just did what I thought was best—for both of us.''

Nick shook his head and stood back, he opened his mouth to argue back but nothing came out. ''I'll get Matt Lin in here to finish the exam,'' he said, leaving the exam room before Andy could protest.

After a moment of doubt she decided not to chase after him. If there was anything she had learnt about him it was that sometimes he just needed to be alone, even if his version of being alone often included a woman whose name he probably wouldn't remember the next morning.

That was his prerogative.

Andy could see how exhausted Milo was the moment she stepped into his office—still, his face lit up when he saw her. She usually immediately made her way over to him as soon as the door had closed behind her, but this time she hung back, leaning against the solid oak. She could see in his eyes that it raised some questions.

''It's gone.''

''The baby?'' Milo asked. He walked over to her and grabbed her by the hand, pulling her down onto the couch. He had had back-to-back surgeries all day, and his shift was far from over, but as always he found time to spend with Andy. ''Why are you so warm?'' He asked as he pulled her close to him.

''Yes, the baby,'' Andy said, burying her face in his chest. ''I got an infection from the abortion—endometritis—, hence the fever. Matt prescribed antibiotics I have to take, it'll be fine,'' she said, knowing how much Milo worried over her.

Milo sighed with relief, ''so how do you feel about it now?'' He asked. He had seen how doubtful she had been of her decision to terminate the night before.

Andy shrugged though she could feel tears burn in her eyes, ''it was the right decision.'' She could feel Milo looking intently at her, and swallowed back her thoughts. It had been weird when Matt did the sonogram and there was no heartbeat, and she hadn't expected it to affect her as much as it did, but part of her didn't want to tell Milo that. ''It was the best decision,'' she said, forcing a small smile. She looked down at her hands, twisting her ring around a few times, ''Nick found out. He is mad that I didn't tell him, that I didn't include him in the decision.''

''You had to make this decision yourself,'' Milo said, ''I'm sure he'll come around once he has had some time to process it.'' Andy nodded slowly in response and he could sense how uncomfortable she was. ''Speaking of children,'' he could tell that got her attention, ''do you think you and I will…?'' He asked. He had been thinking about it all day, since she had told him the night before. Somehow it had only come up once during their whole relationship—when his mother had told them that if he had stayed with his ex-wife then at least his kids wouldn't be `all mixed up`.

Still, since being with Andy and meeting her daughters and spending time with them, he had slowly warmed up to the idea. He knew this probably wasn't the best time to bring it up but it seemed to at least somewhat distract her from what was going on.

Andy hesitated, ''are we sure that's an option?'' She could see the confusion on his face. ''With Nick the condom only broke once and I got pregnant… you and I never use protection and nothing ever happened,'' she said. She could see realization slowly start to set in. She took a deep breath. ''If you're serious about this then maybe you should get tested.''

Andy wasn't entirely sure how she had ended up here—as in, she knew how, she just didn't know how. She had left the hospital after her talk with Milo, gotten in her car, and without a second thought had driven here. There hadn't even been a decision, only a fleeting thought of how she was happy that Lizzy had started sleeping over at a friend's house every Friday.

She had been standing outside for a few minutes, doubting her decision to come here at all, but she felt too sick to keep standing here all night. Her hand hovered over the doorbell but the door swung open before she rang it. Seeing Marc's tired face in front of hers took her aback, she had no idea he was home from college again.

''Dr. Campbell?'' He asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He wasn't sure what time it was, but he had seen her standing in front of the door when he had gone down to get some water, half expecting it to be Jonas looking for his keys when he opened the door, although his mother's fiancé wasn't due home for another couple of days.

''Marc,'' Andy acknowledged, ''is your mom here?'' She asked. Andy knew that Jonas was out of town—as he often was—and had hoped for some time alone with Lu.

''Yeah, she's upstairs,'' Marc said, opening the door a little further to let Andy in. He had a confused look on his face but ultimately decided not to bother. It was too late and he was too tired to question her being there, especially after he had found her and Lu asleep together a few weeks earlier. He figured his mom would tell him if there was anything he needed to know.

Andy watched him head off towards the kitchen and closed the front door quietly behind her. She had expected Lu to open the door and fire off a million questions, especially after what she had said the day before about their relationship, now she didn't know what to do.

After another glance to the kitchen she headed up the stairs, there was no use in standing in the hallway all evening, plus that would most likely mean bumping into Marc again which she liked to avoid at all cost. Going up the stairs and down to the end of the hall, she paused in front of the door, taking a deep breath.

She had gone into Lu and Jonas' bedroom before, but they had always been brief moments. The sound of the door closing behind Andy seemed to wake Lu the tiniest bit and she rolled over.

''Marc?'' Lu asked, burying her face into the pillow again as she tried to wake herself up a bit. It was taking some getting used to, to have someone else in the house again, though she couldn't say she wasn't glad her son was coming over more often nowadays.

''Lu,'' Andy said quietly, tentatively taking a step closer to the bed.

Lu sat up a bit and turned on the light on the bedside table, her eyes focusing on the pale woman on the other side of the room. ''Ands? What are you doing here?'' Andy was just about the last person she had expected to show up, especially after their talk the day before and how Andy had been avoiding her all day today. The latter of which she had taken as an answer to the first part.

Andy swallowed hard, unsure of the answer herself. ''I just needed to see you,'' she said, the very simple truth. She could hear Lu groan, and almost turned around and left right there and then. ''I can leave if you want me to.''

Lu looked at her partner with one eye, contemplating it for a second. Andy had made it clear how she felt the day before, and after that—if Lu was being honest—she wanted nothing more than to just stay away from her for however long it took for her feelings to fade, but she couldn't lie and say she didn't miss Andy falling asleep next to her. Even if that had even been rare when they were together.

Watching Lu lift up the covers, Andy kicked off her shoes and slid in beside her, not caring that she still had her work clothes on. She could feel Lu put her arms around her and it was the safest she had felt in a long time. Her head was buried below Lu's, their bodies pressed firmly together, both having missed this for too long.

Andy sighed. She wasn't sure if Lu was still awake—knowing how little time it took her to doze off—but it didn't matter. She was biting her lip to keep from crying as all the emotions she had been pushing down came bubbling up, finally feeling safe enough to let them out, even if she didn't want this precious moment alone to be spent crying.

Through all her emotions and despite all her feelings, Andy couldn't think of anywhere else she'd want to be.