Sorry this took so long, college is kicking my behind. Also, don't ask me about the flashback in this chapter. It made sense when I wrote it when I was sleepdrunk.

—The Selfishness—

''That's actually kinda hot,'' Lu said as she lazily drew patterns on Andy's bare skin. They were lying in bed together and had been talking throughout most of the night and their conversation had eventually circled back to Andy having slept with Peter. After getting over her initial feelings of jealousy Lu couldn't deny that imagining Andy with both Peter and Nick got her juices flowing.

Andy was kissing Lu's neck. Even though she didn't regret the three-way she had had and she was glad that she had now finally told Lu about it, she really just wanted to take her mind off of it. Her relationship with Nick was in the past and she was ready to focus on being the best possible girlfriend to Lu she could be—and to Milo. She started to kiss down Lu's chest, slipping her hand under the thin fabric of Lu's top.

''So… is that all?'' Lu asked as she looked down at Andy. After a second Andy lifted her head up to look back at Lu, a frown crossing her face. ''Is that the only thing you didn't tell me?'' She could feel Andy start to pull away and immediately missed her warmth. Lu watched Andy sit up—in just her black knickers, grabbing a sheet to wrap around herself for warmth, her legs folded under her—and sat up a bit as well.

''I had an abortion,'' Andy said, it wasn't easy to talk about but at the moment it was the only thing she could think of that she hadn't told Lu yet, and she wanted to do whatever she could to be as upfront and honest as she could be. Especially since Lu had left Jonas, Andy felt like they could actually make their relationship work and if Lu wanted to know about all the skeletons hidden in the closet then so be it. Andy could see the surprise on Lu's face. ''It was a few weeks ago,'' she added, knowing that Lu was probably thinking it had happened much earlier.

Lu stared back at Andy, her jaw slacked. Andy had always come to her with any kind of problem she had had, shared the good, the bad, and the ugly… why she hadn't come to Lu right away with this was beyond her. She didn't know what to think of it, hadn't expected Andy to do this kind of thing.

''It was Nick's,'' Andy said, ''he knows about it, he's mad at me because of it…'' She swallowed hard; despite them working together she hadn't seen much of him and knew that it was because he had been avoiding her. They had developed a bond between the two of them during their short-lived relationship and she had hoped that they would be able to maintain that after, but at the moment it didn't seem likely.

Lu reached out to grab Andy's hand, could see in her eyes that this was difficult for her. ''How do you feel about it now?'' She asked, pulling Andy close to her until her head was in Lu's lap. She looked down into Andy's green eyes, stroking her hair away from her face.

''It was the right decision,'' Andy said. The moment when Matt did the sonogram and there was no heartbeat had replayed over and over again in her head, but despite that she was still sure that it had been the right choice. Not just for herself, but for her daughters as well as Milo and Lu too. ''Milo asked me a few weeks ago if I want to have a baby with him,'' she said. With Milo giving her space they hadn't talked about since he had mentioned it, but she had been thinking about it somewhat.

Lu looked away. She had thought plenty of times about what Andy and Milo's future would entail, for the longest time she had been the biggest supporter of their relationship, but if they had a baby… how would she fit into that picture? ''Do you want to have a baby with him?''

Andy hesitated, ''I think that as long as you and I are together, we shouldn't,'' she said honestly. She could see Lu thinking about it, ''it would be too confusing for any child to deal with, I mean, what would you be? Mom as well?'' She shook her head, ''plus, in a few years Lizzy will move out and I can just be done with having kids at home.''

Lu bit her lip, ''would you have a baby with Milo if I wasn't in the picture?'' She asked. ''I don't want to be the reason for you to not to do things; I don't want you to have regrets in a few years if this doesn't work out…''

''Do you ever think about that?'' Andy asked, ''this not working out?''

Lu cocked her head, ''it's not as if that's impossible,'' she said. She hoped that they would stay together; she hoped that her actions had made that clear, but she had never been in a relationship that had actually worked out long-term. The closest to that would be Jonas, and now that that had ended… despite Lu being the reason why it had ended, it still made it difficult for her to be too optimistic when it came to love. ''What do you think?''

''I can't imagine it not working out,'' Andy said honestly. She pulled away from Lu to sit up next to her, ''but I also can't imagine what things would be like if it did work out. What that would look like with both you and Milo around.''

Lu pulled Andy closer to her, burying her face in her neck. ''Then maybe he shouldn't be around,'' she said. She could feel Andy start to pull away but didn't relent. ''I'm kidding,'' she said, although she wouldn't be against the idea. She pulled away the slightest bit to look at Andy, ''I already told you that I don't think he and I could be friends as long as you and I are together…''

Andy felt conflicted. She loved both of them and as far as she knew they both loved her, and she had been trying her hardest not to make Lu feel like their relationship was merely secondary to her relationship with Milo… she didn't think she would be able to choose if it ever came down to that.

''Why don't you let me buy you a drink?''

Lu hadn't caught the guy's name and didn't care enough to ask. She had a beer in each hand and was already making her way back to the booth where she and Andy had been sitting. They had been sleeping together on occasion for a few months now, and after hearing Andy lament about her and Milo being broken up and about how Milo was dating some new woman Lu thought it was the perfect time for them to have some semblance of a first date.

She slid in the booth next to Andy, slipping her hand into hers under the table as she watched the guy from the bar sit down across from her. ''You can buy me all the drinks you want but I'm taken,'' Lu told him, stroking Andy's hand with her thumb. She never minded guys buying drinks for her, but right now she just wanted to focus all her attention on Andy and be left alone.

The guy sat back, disappointed that he was being blown off. He turned to Andy, ''what about you? You wanna have a drink with me?'' He asked, downing the beer that was left in his glass.

''She's taken,'' Lu interjected before Andy could answer, ''by me.'' Even though they had been sleeping together for a few months, and despite Lu technically being with Jonas, and despite this technically not being a date, Lu was sure that Andy wouldn't Lu trying to get rid of the guy. Even if that did include implying that Andy was her girlfriend no matter how many times she had protested being called that and outright refusing to admit she had feelings for Lu at all.

Andy looked at the guy who seemed to be trying to come up with some clever comeback. She looked down at her and Lu's hands intertwined. She still very much missed Milo—even more so since their making out at the bachelor's auction—and she had very much appreciated Lu trying to take her mind off of it by taking her out for drinks, but Lu's affectionate touches were messing with her head. She wasn't usually like this, always had her head screwed on straight.

''Okay, I get it,'' the guy put his hands up, ''you're blowing me off. That's fine. Just don't think I'm falling for this charade, there's no way you two are together,'' he said, getting ready to get up and leave. ''Don't think you're fooling anyone.''

Lu gave him a small smile before turning to Andy, taking her hand out of hers and taking her face into her hands instead, softly kissing her. It always happened that they let their lust for each other build up until it became too much and they basically ripped each other clothes off, this was the first time that their kiss had been this calm. It didn't last long though, they weren't sure which one of them deepened the kiss but it quickly became inappropriate to stay at the bar. Lu pulled away a bit, noticing that the guy had left but she didn't care. ''Come home with me,'' she whispered.

The cab ride back to Lu's house was uneventful. They sat on opposite sides of the back seat, looking out the window instead of at each other, not even touching one another the entire way. Silent the whole time.

When they got to Lu's house, Lu opened the door for Andy, pulling her by the hand up to the front door and inside. It was dark and quiet inside and Andy didn't have to ask to know that Jonas was most likely out of town, or at the very least not home. Before Andy had fully processed what was happening, that she was giving into this again, they were up in the guestroom. Andy could feel Lu's warm skin underneath her touch.

Every brain cell was yelling at her to go away and leave. She was still madly in love with Milo and even though he was with someone else, her being with Lu would only hurt their relationship. Would make it impossible for him to even consider them getting back together. She shouldn't be here… she should leave… it was just that when Lu's lips were on hers again that all the brain cells got drowned out. All she wanted was Milo, and all she wanted was to hear Lu moan louder and louder.

She spun Lu around, pushing her back onto the bed, legs dangling off as Andy got on her knees between them. She pushed Lu's skirt up, reaching the hem of the panties and pulling them down, trying to ignore Lu's intoxicating scent but failing. She hooked her arms around Lu's thighs, pulling her closer to Andy herself.

Andy dove in headfirst, needing to feel Lu all around her. The juices coating her tongue as she flicked Lu's clit with it. She could feel Lu's heel dig into her back and it was all she needed to know. She sucked Lu's clit into her mouth and hummed, knowing from experience how good that felt. Lu moved underneath Andy's hands and when Andy looked back up she looked right into Lu's dark eyes, immediately pulling away.

''Don't stop,'' Lu said breathlessly.

''You're watching me,'' Andy said. Without Lu watching she could pretend that this didn't mean anything, didn't even have to acknowledge the existence of the other woman. It made it less real somehow, didn't make her feel as if she was cheating on Milo despite not being with him.

Lu nodded, ''I like watching you,'' she said, ignoring the blush on Andy's face. No matter how many times Andy claimed to not have feelings for Lu, her enthusiasm when they got down to business was unparalleled by any of the guys Lu had slept with who did have feelings for her. Andy had the ability to make Lu feel more wanted than she had ever felt in her whole life, whilst rejecting her romantically. She put her hand on the back of Andy's head, guiding her back to where Lu wanted her most as she fell back onto the bed. If Andy didn't want her to watch then that was fine, as long as she continued what she had been doing.

After a moment of hesitation Andy continued. Two of her fingers pushed their way inside Lu and it wasn't long before what had just happened was already erased from her memory. It was what always happened, when she was with Lu it was as if the rest of the world stopped existing. It made her feel as if she could cocoon herself inside with Lu and nothing would matter, it's what she thought about when she saw Milo and was reminded that she couldn't be with him.

It wasn't long before Lu pulled Andy up onto the bed, rolling them over so that she was on top. She looked down at Andy, trying to make it look like she knew what she was doing. They both had plenty of experience when it came to sex, with men that was, when it came to them being together they were still very much into the exploring phase. And Lu had a big enough imagination to make things happen, knowing that Andy was more than happy that Lu was keen on taking charge.

Andy could feel Lu riding her thigh but had trouble keeping her head in the game. Usually as soon as she kissed Lu Milo would completely erase from existence as far as her brain was concerned, but now he kept coming back to her. She could feel Lu's juices leaving a trail on her thigh and was aware that Lu's movements were becoming more and more frantic, and Andy's hand traveled down as well.

She could see Lu on top of her, her skirt around her waist was the only thing she was wearing. She leaned forward, taking one of Lu's nipples in her mouth, Lu's moans only fueling her arousal. She grabbed one of Lu's legs behind the knee and pulled it towards her own centre, Lu got the memo and within seconds they were back in sync with each other. Both riding themselves towards orgasm.

Her other hand found its way to Lu's other boob, playing with the nipple, eliciting more moans. Andy knew instinctually that if it wasn't for Lu keeping her mouth busy, she would be moaning Milo's name over and over again.

''I shouldn't be here,'' Andy whispered when they were done, lying next to each other panting.

Lu smiled a bit, ''don't you want to be though?'' They both knew that they weren't supposed to be doing this, especially since Lu was with Jonas, but Lu didn't care about that fact nearly as much as Andy did. She looked over at the woman next to her, her face falling when she saw the look in Andy's eyes, ''are you okay?''

Andy looked back at Lu, ''what are we doing?'' She asked. ''Why do we keep doing this? We're not together, we don't even have feelings for each other, and yet… why do I keep ending up here?'' She sat back on her knees, partially wanting to just leave and once again swear to herself that she's never going to do this again, but she wanted to know what it was. What made Lu so irresistible to her.

''Ands…'' Lu reached out for her, wanting to pull her closer. She wanted Andy to forget about Milo… if she did then maybe this could actually turn into something. If Andy could put Milo out of her brain for just five seconds then maybe she could see what was right in front of her, then she could see that she was right where she needed to be and if she wanted to she could stay there forever.

Andy bit her lip. They had been through this whole spiel before. She shook her head at Lu, ''I'm in love with Milo; it's always been him…''

Lu got up off the bed. She was completely through with Andy coming to her for sex and then leaving her to want to get back together with Milo. ''Fine, then go be with him. Call him up and tell him that you want to get back together,'' she said, throwing various items of clothing at Andy, unsure that they were even hers at all. She could see the hurt in Andy's eyes and she felt the same way. ''Choose whoever you want to be with, that's all I'm asking; that you make a choice.''

''Or what?'' Andy asked, pulling her shirt over her head. They had been through this so many times, and she knew how Lu felt about the fact that she wanted to get back together with Milo, but she couldn't help it. She needed to be honest about this, despite how Lu felt about the truth she still deserved it. ''Lu, I don't have feelings for you.''

''Stop lying to yourself,'' Lu said. She inched closer to Andy, knowing that the closer she was the more irresistible she became. ''If you didn't have feelings for me at all then you wouldn't keep coming back to me, you wouldn't keep kissing me… I don't know if you've noticed but you always come to me, and I—like an idiot—am there waiting for you every time.'' She was done with Andy's constant back-peddling. She had gotten what she had come for: she had gotten off, and now it was time for her to leave.

''It's not as if you don't want it,'' Andy said, gathering her clothes in her arms. ''Maybe if you weren't so willing I wouldn't keep coming back. Keep coming back and continuing this stupid cycle that isn't going to go anywhere-''

''I have feelings for you,'' Lu interjected, ''there you have it. I have feelings for you. It may not be what you want to hear but there it is, and even if you won't say it you have feelings for me too. Maybe if you stopped staring at Milo for a few minutes then you could be honest with yourself and this 'stupid cycle' could actually go somewhere.'' She could see Andy start to argue back and was reminded of the argument Andy had used so many times, ''No, don't say anything,'' her voice was calmer now. ''Stop thinking about the fact that I'm a woman, it doesn't matter.''

''It matters to me,'' Andy said quietly, wishing that it didn't matter. Her clothes were gathered in her arms and she looked down at it, wondering what to do. After a few seconds she tentatively took a step towards the other side of the bed, hating the fact that she had to walk past Lu to leave. She could feel tears burn in her eyes as she came to a halt in front of the beautiful Latina. She looked up into Lu's eyes, not even a foot away from her own. She tried to think of something to say, something to make it all alright, because she knew that sooner or later she'd be back here if Lu let her.

Trying to find the right words, her gaze fell to Lu's lips. The clothes fell from her arms and she cupped Lu's face into her hands, pushing them backwards until Lu hit the wall. They kissed, hungry for each other despite having just had sex. After a few seconds Andy could feel Lu start to push her away and she opened her eyes, looking into Lu's dark ones, ''what is it?'' Her hand was on Lu's hip, still trying to pull her close.

''I need you to choose,'' Lu said, hating this but knowing that she needed to for her own sanity. ''You can choose Milo even though he is with someone else, you can try to win him back… or choose me.''

''You're with Jonas,'' Andy reminded her.

Lu looked into Andy's eyes, disappointed that she still didn't get it. Didn't know how intense the feelings Lu had for her were. Lu rested their foreheads together, wanting to be close to her before certainly having to push her away. ''Choose me.''

Okay, yes, the first thing he thought about when he saw her was to take her back to his hotel room, throw her down onto the bed and not have either of them leave the confines of it for the next 48 hours. But his curiosity was getting the better of him. ''So what happened with Lu?'' Milo asked as he sat down on one of the chairs in her office.

Andy felt disappointed that he had chosen to sit so far away from her, even if it did make it more difficult to think when he was near her. ''She and Jonas broke up,'' she said, forgoing the information as to what exactly had happened. There had been stuff leading up to their break-up, and stuff that had happened afterwards, but starting with the headline seemed smart.

Milo hid his surprise fairly well. ''They did?''

Andy recounted what had lead up to it, her asking Lu how Jonas would fit into the picture if they were together, the only thing she left out was him finding them in bed together. ''Milo, you told me to figure out what it is I want… my feelings for Lu aren't going anywhere,'' she said. ''I told Jesse and Lizzy that she and I are together,'' she could see his jaw tighten and knew that even if he could eventually get himself to agree to their relationship, he wasn't ready for the girls to know about it, ''she's here to stay, and I need you to be okay with that.''

''And if I'm not?'' Milo asked, scared for the answer. Andy looked away and that was all he needed to know. ''It's not as if I'm against it, I want you to be happy and I know how important she is to you, but with the way our friendship is right now…'' he said, trailing off, ''Dr. Delgado and I don't get along, and-''

The way he said 'Dr. Delgado' pissed Andy off just the slightest bit, even if up until recently she had called Lu by her last name as well. ''Can't you just try to get along?'' She asked, interrupting Milo. ''She and you used to be friends, obviously it's possible… can't you just try? For me?''

''You know I would do anything for you,'' Milo said. In his mind he was going over how to even approach Lu about this, knowing that she felt the same way about him as he did about her.

Andy looked at him sitting in front of her; the look in his eyes broke her heart. ''I'm sorry,'' she whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear. He looked up at her and she grabbed his hands, holding them firmly in her own. ''I'm being so selfish. You say you love me and in return I sleep with someone else, and then not only ask you to just accept that but to try to get along with her. This isn't fair, I shouldn't be asking you to do this.''

''I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be,'' Milo reminded her. ''I just need some time to think about… everything. To decide if I can live with you being with her, for the rest of our lives. To figure out if I can do this.'' He looked up at Andy and he could read her like a book. ''I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you, there's not a doubt in my mind about that, I just need to figure out if I can spend the rest of my life with Lu.''

Andy nodded, ''that's fair.'' She would give him all the time and space he needed, and she would accept his decision either way, but she wanted to know sooner rather than later.

Andy took the Chinese takeout she had ordered out of the microwave. It was a few days before Christmas and she had once again been reminded that she still needed to clean out her closets. Still needed to unpack the moving boxes that were stowed away in the attic.

Lately all her time was spent on either Lu or Milo, trying to make both relationships work and feelings like she was failing at both of them. One of the two always seemed to suffer and having the realization of what she was doing to Milo certainly wasn't helping. It made her want to retreat from both relationships, needing a moment to herself to figure out what it was she wanted. Truly wanted. Not hearing her parents' voices in the back of her head telling her what she should want. That had hurt her relationship with Lu too many times.

She had wanted to talk to both Milo and Lu together, figure out how this was going to work. But both had blown her off and part of her was glad. Glad that she could now postpone this and maybe get an idea for herself for what she even wanted. Not the selfish version, but one that would actually make all three of them happy.

Andy had only taken one bite of her food when the doorbell rang. She pulled her blanket around her closer as she made her way to the front door, looking through the peephole for who it could be. She opened the door with her frown, surprised that both Milo and Lu were on the other side, absolutely freezing in the snow outside. ''What're you guys doing here?'' She asked as she let them in. It wasn't unusual for either of them to be at her house—even if they weren't usually intimate there—but it was strange for the both of them to be there.

Milo hung up his coat and took Lu's from her as well. They shared a look, ''we went out for dinner,'' Milo explained, ''talked about some stuff.''

Andy started to turn to him, already filled to the brim with questions, but Lu stopped her. ''What's going on?'' Andy asked, feeling the energy it the room. She was used to some unusual behaviour from both Lu and Milo but nothing like this. She could feel Milo take the blanket off her shoulders and felt his hands moving down her back.

Lu smiled, ''we just want to try something,'' she said, closing the gap between her and Andy and kissing her.