Author's Note: Hey guys! I have talked with some of you recently about critiques and improvements on the writing and I tried to add a few more details into this and also trying a new method for splitting up scenes and making it a little easier to follow, let me know if you think it works or not. Also, thank you for your continued love and support! I love you all so much. Everytime I see a new review I literally feel my heartbeat pick up for a moment. I really do enjoy talking with you guys and hearing what you have to say. I want this story to be relatable and enticing to you all, so it helps to know what you like to see. Please keep reading and reviewing! Emily has a lot of story left to tell. I know my updates have been more spaced out recently. When I started writing I had a lot of extra time on my hands and now I'm doing a full load of online classes and working overtime every week, I am NOT abandoning this story, and I hate taking so long. But I know when I'm exhausted my writing lacks, so I often put it off for a time when I've got better blood flow to the brain. I love you all, please read and review! Hope to hear from you all
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural etc.
I don't understand.
Why do hospitals all have pale colored walls? Why is it always this light puke green, or coral pink, or… in this case, light robin's egg blue. Pale yellows. Nothing dark. Nothing definitive. Nothing solid to grasp onto. Its like you're just… there. But you can't really figure out what's going on.
People die here.
People are born here.
Miracles happen here.
Tragedies happen here.
Everything… all aspects of life in one place.
Dressed in pale blue walls.
"Emily." Judson nudged me. "Here, drink this."
He handed me some hot chocolate. The first thing I've had in hours. We drove all day to get here, been here for 4 hours.
Dean hasn't said one word to me. He never turned around to look at me in the backseat, he just… went into "dean mode" and has been all about getting to Bobby. Judson came with since he too was worried about Bobby. Sam's made small talk. Asked me how I'm doing… sat next to me in the hallway. But Dean hasn't left Bobby's side.
Bobby… he uh, he looks. Different.
He's not bobby without a trucker hat and smart ass mouth. This. Man. Laying in the bed. He's a stranger.
"Emily… drink it." Judson pushed, bringing me out of my thoughts and back to reality. I lifted the cup and sipped at the hot sweet liquid, licking the spare drop off my lip slowly. I shuffled my legs, trying to get comfortable in the green stiff chair. I kept my eyes on the ground… it made me uncomfortable to look up and watch Dean pace at the end of Bobby's bed.
"So, what's the diagnosis?" Sam said as he walked back into the room.
"We've tested everything we can think to test. He seems perfectly healthy." I said sadly.
"Except that he's comatose." Dean added with a flat tone.
Knocks at the door caused us all to turn, a doctor walked in.
"Mr. Snyderson, I'm Dr. Blake. I take it you're his emergency contact. Anything we should know? Any illnesses?"
"No, he-he never gets sick. I mean, he doesn't even catch cold." Dean said walking closer to the doctor.
"Doctor, is there anything you can do?" I asked standing, Judson stood up behind me.
"Look, I'm sorry, but we don't know what's causing it... so we don't know how to treat it. He just... went to sleep, and didn't wake up."
I nodded slightly and excused myself from the room. I needed air, and its too thick to breathe in here. I walked past the boys and neither of them followed, but I recognized the footsteps behind me pretty quickly.
"Em, wait up."
"I just need some air, I'll be back." I said without turning around as I pushed the elevator button.
"You're running on fumes here. You gotta take a break."
I continued to push the button. But nothing was happening… I sighed in frustration and turned to the stairwell. 8 flights isn't that bad right?
I began to jog down the stairs, but knew Judson was hot on my track. Following me. Watching me. Waiting for me to lose my shit… but. Its not gonna happen. Not this time.
Bobby isn't in a coma… this isn't something that doctor can help with and we all knew it. We all knew this was supernatural related. Something happened to Bobby, and if he can be saved then WE were gonna be the ones to fix it.
I finally made it to the bottom floor and left out the side door, taking a deep breath as the cool air hit my face. It felt, refreshing. Like the first real breath I'd taken in hours. I stopped to soak it all in.
"Hey, I thought we had this discussion about not talking to me."
"I'm not- not talking to you… I just. Needed to get some fresh air. I told you that."
"Right. Its just coincidence you haven't said a word about what happened with Luke? Or about your fight with Dean? Or about Bobby for that matter?"
"I'm gonna go sit by the car. You're welcome to come." I said as I walked towards the back of the parking lot where Baby was parked. Once there I hopped on the trunk and laid back on the glass, deep breathing, thinking about our next move.
"Emily, please… tell me what's going through your head right now."
"I think we should go back to his motel. He's a hunter… whatever he was working on there should be clues in his room. I'll text Sam, see what he thinks."
"That's not what I meant."
"Look, I get it okay, you don't want me to bottle this shit up… we'll talk. AFTER Bobby is okay. Right now, he is priority number one and everything else can wait. I can wait."
Judson stared at me. My phone buzzed, giving me a reason to look away from him.
"Sam said they'll be down in a minute."
"Okay." He sighed. "Wanna ride in the truck or with your brothers?"
"I think I should stay with my brothers for now… Dean's in hard spot. And as angry as I am… I know I need to stick close to him."
Judson gave me a half smile and a nod before walking over to his truck.
…..
"So, what was Bobby doing in Pittsburgh?" Sam asked as we walked in the door of his motel room.
"Working. Bobby's always working." I said looking around the center of the room. Confused at the empty and plain looking room.
"Unless he's taking an extremely lame vacation..." Dean added. "You think there'd be some sort of sign of something if he was working, you know?"
"Research, news clippings... I can't find anything." I said going drawer to drawer on the dresser.
"Or a frigging pizza box or a beer can."
I chuckled for a half a second and caught Dean giving me a half a smile… we have unfinished business to hash out. But we both know Bobby comes first.
"How 'bout this?" Sam hollered, drawing our attention to the closet, where behind the clothes was a map, marked with research, pictures, etc.
"Good old Bobby, always covering up his tracks." Dean chuckled.
"You make heads or tails of any of this?"
"Silene capensis, which of course means absolutely nothing to me."
"Here. Obit." I said picking up the clipping on the bottom of the wall. "Dr. Walter Gregg, 64, university neurologist."
"How'd he bite it?" Dean asked.
"Um.. actually, they don't know. They say he just went to sleep and didn't wake up." I said shakily. Just like Bobby… "That sound familiar to you?"
"All right, don't get ahead of yourself, um... So let's say Bobby was looking into the doc's death. You know, hunting after something-" Sam started.
"–that started hunting him." I finished.
"Hey, sorry. I had to stop and fill up the tank, what'd yall find?" Judson said as he burst into the room, leather jacket and aviators still on. Mm.
"Here. See if you can make heads or tails of this." Dean said handing him the paper, then walking towards the door.
"What are you gonna do?" I asked curiously.
"I'm gonna look into the good doctor myself."
"I'm coming with."
Judson and Sam both shot me a curious glance but Dean just nodded and kept walking, I followed him out, leaving the awkwardly silent motel room.
The ride was silent too. I don't really think either of us knew where to start… I mean what do you say after you tell someone you wish they'd let you die. Sorry? Oops I take it back? Hey cheer up I'm not dead? … Dean hasn't forgotten what I said, and neither have I.
Once inside Dean put on his fake charm and approached the lab.
"So you're Dr. Gregg's lab assistant?" Dean asked the young man.
"That's right. I'm Sanders."
"Well, his death must have come as a shock to you." I offered.
"Yeah, it did. But, still, go in your sleep, peaceful... That's what you wish for, right?"
"Yeah. Right." I said awkwardly, Dean quickly cut in.
"Dr. Gregg uh.. studied sleeping disorders? Dreams?"
"I don't understand. I went over all of this with the other detective."
"You already spoke to another detective?" Dean said with a furrowed brow.
"Yes. A very nice older man with a beard."
Bobby.
"Well, I'd love to hear it again if you don't mind. I'm a rookie, and well… If I can get a lead on this case it may just bump me up a little with all these guys, they're kinda hard on the new girl ya know?" I quickly chattered.
"Thing is, I'm sort of busy. Maybe we could do this later?"
"Sure. Yeah. Just bring you down to the station later this afternoon, and get your statement on tape, do it all official-like." Dean offered.
"Look, okay, I didn't know about Dr. Gregg's experiments. Not until I was cleaning out his files."
"His experiments, uh...? The ones he was conducting on ... sleeping?"
"No one knew, okay? Not the university, not anybody. I already spoke with a lawyer and he told me I can't be held liable for anything."
"Maybe you couldn't, but that was before the new evidence came to light."
"New evidence?"
"Mm-hm."
"What new evidence?"
"I'm not at liberty to say."
"Look, I'm just a grad student. This was a gig to cover tuition."
"Maybe so. But, uh, still, this- this... this could go on your permanent record. Unless you hand over the doctor's research to me. All of it." Dean insisted. He obliged quickly and we went to the car to begin sorting through it all.
"De."
"Hm?"
"This guy had a few patients. There's only really records on one though… Jeremy. Looks like he's a student at the local college. Did a lot of sleep studies, dream studies… you name it. This guy got the work over more than once."
"Well. Lets go pay him a visit.
….
"Look, I don't know what the RA said, but, ah, I was growing ferns." Jeremy said as he answered the door and Dean pulled a badge.
"Take it easy, Phish, that's not why I'm here."
"Really?"
"Really. We don't care about your after school gardening." I told him with a smile.
"Oh, thank God. Okay."
"We wanna talk to you about Dr. Gregg's sleep study."
"Yeah. Dr. Gregg just died, right?"
"You were one of his test subjects, right?" I returned.
"Yeah." Jeremy said offering us a beer from his mini fridge. "Unless you're on ... duty or, whatever?"
"No thanks." I smiled.
"I guess I can make an exception." Dean smiled taking the beer, both of them savoring a long drink.
"Now, Dr. Gregg was testing treatments for a, uh, "Charcot-Wilbrand syndrome"? Which means...?" I asked getting back to the study.
"Um.. I, uh.. I can't dream."
"Wow… I wish I had something like that." I mumbled… imagining how great it would be to sleep at night without nightmares. Dean nudged me lightly.
"I had this bike accident when I was a kid and banged my head pretty good and I haven't had a dream since. Till the study. You know. Sort of." Jeremy explained.
"What'd the doc give you?" Dean asked.
"It's this yellow tea. It.. it smelled awful, tasted worse."
"What did it do?"
"Just passed right out. And uh, I had the most vivid, super-intense dream. Like a bad acid trip, you know?"
"Totally." Dean chuckles, I elbowed him. "I mean, no."
"That was it. I dropped out of the study right after that. I didn't... like it. To tell you the truth... it kind of scared me."
"Yeah… dreams can do that you sometimes." I told him.
"You sure I can't get you a soda or something sweetheart?"
"Um, sure." I smiled as he offered me the coke. We finished our beverages and went back to the car to meet up with Judson and Sam at the hospital. The car ride was silent… again. Which I didn't mind as much the first few times but now its getting old.
I sighed before speaking.
"You're still pissed at me."
"And you're still pissed at me." Dean replied without skipping a beat. "When Bobby wakes up we can hash it out."
"I don't even know where to start Dean."
"We could start with what you heard between me and Ruby. And why in the hell you thought it was okay to take off like that."
"Dean I panicked! There was no 'oh this is an okay thing to do' there was just panic. I felt like my entire world was being shattered all over again! After EVERYTHING Sam and I have tried… Ruby was supposed to come through with the hail-mary."
"I've told you all along not to get your hopes up. Not to try, because there isn't a way to save me Em! I told you that I wanted to spend this time getting you ready!"
"Well I'm not ready! I don't want to be ready and no matter what we spent the last few months doing I was never going to be ready Dean! Don't you see that?!" I cried, feeling tears bubble to the surface.
Dean looked at me briefly before turning back to the road.
"Did you mean it?" He asked me softly.
"What?"
"Did you mean it? That you wished you'd died."
I chewed on my lip.
"I don't know."
Dean scoffed.
"Well that's too damn bad, cause you were NOT dying on my watch… I will not live, knowing you're dead."
"YET YOU EXPECT ME TO DO IT?" I snapped.
"Emily its differe-"
"NO! Dean its not different! How is it any different!" I cried.
"BECAUSE I RAISED YOU!" He screamed. "Because parents don't bury their children! Its wrong! Its backwards and I will not bury you! I will not live a day on this earth knowing that I failed you! I failed Sam, and I had to right that mistake… so please… let me make things right."
I bit down on my lip and pulled my gaze to the window. Trying to pull myself together.
"You're not Dad, Dean. Its not the same thing." I finally whispered.
"The hell its not!"
"Just… Pull over."
"What?"
"I said pull over! I'm getting out!" I said as I reached for the door handle and began opening the door, Dean quickly slammed the breaks and pulled us off to the side of the road.
"Emily get your ass back in that car!" Dean yelled as he stepped out and chased after me.
"No." I said continuing to walk without looking at him, he jumped in front of me and grabbed me by the arm to drag me back.
"I said NO!"
The road beneath our feet cracked, like ice does when you walk across the thin patches. Dean looked down and released my arm. He looked back up to me in frustration.
"FINE! Walk." He growled. He got back into the impala and peeled out, leaving me standing on the side of the road.
We were only a 15 minute drive from the hospital, that meant about a 45 minute walk… so I crossed my arms and started walking. 20 minutes or so into my walk I stopped and sighed… the large truck coming my direction was slowing down. I rolled my eyes.
"Great. More talking." I mumbled.
"Get in." Judson said as he leaned over and opened the passenger door.
"No thanks." I smiled, continuing my walk. I heard the engine cut off and the doors close. Then footsteps that grew closer by the second.
"Why don't you want to ride?"
"Because then you'll want me to talk about my feelings and I'm just not in the mood."
"Well then we can walk and talk, it'll double the length of our chat." He grinned. I groaned exasperated and turned back towards the truck, climbing in silently.
"So uh, Dean looked pretty upset when he got to the hospital."
"Good." I mumbled.
"Em, what happened? I thought you guys were gonna wait till we fixed all this stuff with Bobby to finish this."
"We were… "
"But?"
"But he's a hypocrite!" I yelled in aggravation. "He thinks its perfectly fine to die and leave me and Sammy here but its just completely unacceptable that he had let me die. Its not fair! I shouldn't even be here right now! I was dead! No pulse, no air, no nothing… dead. And he brought me back, and then Sam dies… and he can't let Sam die either. He goes and sells his FUCKING SOUL. He doesn't even let me help find a way that doesn't destroy us all in the end! He doesn't even talk to me! He just makes this choice without thinking about any of the consequences and assumes we'll just be fine with it! Well I'm not fine with it! I'm not! There should be a way to save him! There has to be a way… and I can't find it."
My rant went on with no interruptions… ending with me near sobbing. My shoulders shook for a second before I inhaled a deep breath.
"I don't know how to save him." I said again as I pulled myself together, pulling my knees up and leaning against them, Judson's hand pushed the hair out of my face and squeezed on my neck, working on the tight muscles. I began to loosen and relax as I scooted closer to him, closing my eyes.
"Emily, I need you to listen to me without interrupting. Let me finish."
I turned my head slightly so I could look at him, he let his hand drop from my neck and sighed. He ran it through his hair before grabbing onto my hand and beginning to speak.
"When I lost my sister, Olivia… I felt like I failed her, and it ran me into the ground… for months. I don't expect you to understand where I'm coming from just by listening to me. Its something you have to feel… to experience. Em, Dean… he loves you. Love like that. When you lose that person you kinda lose yourself… if there was ANYTHING I could do, still even to this day, that would bring Oliva back. I'd do it. I'd rot in hell every day for eternity so she could live her life. Dean made his choice for you and Sam. Not because he wants to leave, but because it's a better option then living one day without the two of you. Because it hurts too much to live without you two. Dean is going to die Emily… and you have to accept that."
"…what?" I said as I pulled my hand away. I stared at him, betrayal stinging me.
"Emily please don't be mad at me. You can't understand what it feels like."
I stared ahead as we pulled into the hospital parking lot. I sat in silence as he parked the truck. He reached for my hand again but I quickly yanked it away.
"Emily don't do this…"
"You should go." I mumbled as I opened the door and climbed out.
"What? No? I'm not leaving you like this. I'm not leaving Bobby."
"We can handle it." I said as I walked in the hospital's front doors.
"Em I'm sorry."
"Don't call me that."
"I told you that you don't understand! You can't understand how bad it hurts, I get it Emily, I get why Dean did it. You have to let him make his own decisions… he chose this for a reason."
"Leave." I turned and said gruffly. He threw his hands in the air and shook his head before turning and walking out of the hospital. I rode the elevator up to Bobby's room.
"How is he?" I asked as I walked in.
"No change, where's Judson?" Sam asked.
"Gone… so what do we have?"
"What do you meant gone?"
"I mean he left. Are you going to fill me in here or not?"
Dean and Sam exchanged glances before Sam answered.
"Well, considering what Dean told me about the doc's experiments… Bobby's wall is starting to make a hell of a lot more sense."
"How so?"
"This plant, Silene capensis, is also known as African Dream Root? It's been used by shaman and medicine men for centuries."
"Let me guess. They dose up, bust out the didjeridus, start kicking around the hackey."
"Not quite. If you believe the legends, it's used for dreamwalking. I mean, entering another person's dreams, poking around in their heads."
"I take it we believe the legends." I sighed as I sat down on Bobby's bed and wrapped both my hands around his.
"When don't we? But dreamwalking is just the tip of the iceberg."
"What do you mean?" Dean asked.
"I mean, this Dream Root is some serious mojo. You take enough of it, with practice, you can become a regular Freddy Krueger. You can control anything. You could turn bad dreams good, you could turn good dreams bad."
"And killing people in their sleep?"
I looked up to see Sam nodding.
"So let's say uh, let's say this doc was testing this stuff on his patients, Tim Leary-style." Dean said.
"Somebody gets pissed at him, decides to give him a little dream visit, he goes nighty-night." Sam responded.
"But what about Bobby?" I asked. "I mean, if the killer came after him, how come he's still alive?"
"I don't know." Dean sighed. "C'mon, lets gead back for now."
I leaned forward and kissed Bobby on the forehead before walking out behind my brothers.
"So how do we find our homicidal sandman?" Dean asked.
"Could be anyone." I mumbled.
"Yeah? Anyone who knew the doctor, had access to his dream shrooms."
"Maybe one of his test subjects or something?" Sam guessed.
"Possible. But his research was pretty sketchy. I mean.. I don't know how many subjects he had, or who all of them were. We only had record of the one… and he's no genius. Trust me." I mumbled as I stared at my feet, stepping one tile at a time across the dusky floor.
"Ya know." Sam chuckled. "In any other case, we'd be calling Bobby and asking him for help right now."
"You know what? You're right." Dean said stopping in his tracks, I accidentally ran right into him. He stumbled forward and I backwards.
"What the hell?" I snapped.
"Em! Bobby… lets go talk to him." Dean said looking between Sam and I with a grin spreading on his face.
"Sure. I think we might find the conversation a bit one-sided." I snarked.
"Not if we're tripping on some Dream Root." Dean grinned.
"What?" Sam asked.
"You heard me."
"You wanna go dreamwalking inside Bobby's head?"
"Yeah. Why not? Maybe we could help."
"We have no idea what's crawling around in there."
"Well how bad could it be?"
"Bad." Sam said slowly.
"Dude, it's Bobby."
"Yeah, you're right. One problem though. We're fresh out of African Dream Root, so unless you know someone who can score some ... "
"Fuck…" I groaned.
"What?" Sam and Dean asked me simultaneously.
"Bela." I sighed.
"Bela? Crap. You're actually suggesting we ask her a favor?" Sam asked.
"No. I'm suggesting we're desperate and this is Bobby… and for Bobby. I'll bite my tongue."
"I'm feeling dirty just thinking about it, but yeah. I think she's right." Dean nodded.
….
"Hey Em." Sam bumped me at the table as we munched on our dinner. I looked up to him. "What happened with Judson?... Or Dean for that matter?"
"Me and Dean continued our fight while discussing that we were still pissed but should wait to fight about it. Sounds logical right?"
"No but it sounds exactly like something the two of you would do…"
"Yeah well. I don't know why we try… this isn't one of those fights where we're magically going to come to an agreement. Its just not."
"Emily. You didn't mean it did you?"
"I don't know Sam… I just. What if none of this crap ever happened. Maybe once I died yellow eyes woulda backed off and the-"
"Em stop. You know that's not true. Whether you were there or not, Yellow eyes would have come after me, and I would have died in that town. Dean would still sell his soul, or rather he would have already sold it to bring you back and then we'd really be screwed." He chuckled a little, oddly enough I joined him. "So what about Judson? He was worried about you kiddo. And as much as I hate having some boy follow you around like a lost puppy, he's not so bad. He looks out for you."
"He does not follow me around like a puppy… we've just. Crossed paths and done each other a couple of favors."
"Em. Stop bullshitting me. What happened?"
I sighed and laid my head down on the table, Sam reached up and ruffled my hair.
"…He made sense. For the first time since you came back I saw things from another point of view, and I didn't like it. So basically I told him to fuck off. Because why would I listen to someone who makes perfect sense when I'm having this internal struggle with myself. That would be the smart thing to do, and I think we all know I don't always do the smartest things."
"Don't be so hard on yourself kiddo, just apologize to the kid. He'll understand."
"Sam… Luke told me never to come back." I whispered. His shoulders dropped and he pressed his lips together in a flat line. "I never meant to hurt him Sammy. I didn't know where else to go."
"I know kiddo, but everything we do has risks and consequences. You went. You played with fire, and you and I both know you were bound to get burned. Luke… he doesn't deserve this."
"I know that Sam."
"But you went anyways. Why?"
"Because I was selfish…. Because I was desperate."
"C'mere kiddo." Sam said as he opened up his arms. I quickly conceded and allowed him to wrap me in his sasquatch arms. There's not much of anything that's gonna fix this fuck up I call my life right now, but I'd never turn down a Sam hug. They're magic.
"He found someone… she's beautiful."
"Well, anything after you is a downgrade." Sam offered. I blushed and giggled. Sam kissed my forehead.
"He looked happy with her, I tried to leave… once I saw her. I tried to just go, but. He saw me, tracked me down at the motel."
"Well… I guess he still cared enough about you to pursue this."
"Oh trust me. He cared. In more ways than one." I teased.
"Oh-kay. You've just ruined the moment." Sam said making a gag-like face as he pulled his arms away from me. I laughed out loud.
"I'm sorry Sammy. I just needed a good laugh and the opportunity presented itself."
"Well if it makes you happy then I guess I'll try and forget it never happened. Don't pull that with Dean. He'll have a heart attack."
"I don't think Dean and I are going to be talking again until this thing with Bobby is settled. It's just too dangerous."
"Yeah, he's outside trying to get ahold of Bella. Might be a good time to track down Judson, fix things."
"Ughhh…" I groaned as I lightly banged my head on the table repeatedly. Sam laughed and stood behind me, lifting me out of the chair like I was a giant ragdoll and walking me towards the front door.
"Go on, before Bela shows up and we have a massacre on our hands."
"You mean that in the sense of if she showed up I could destroy her with one hand. Right?"
"Sure kiddo. Now go… before Dean comes out here and tries to stop you."
I smiled and kissed Sam on the cheek before darting out the door and quietly closing it behind me. I sighed as I stared at the large black truck in the back of the parking lot. Judson had gotten a room at the same motel as us, just a floor up and down the hall. I took the steps one at time, contemplating this decision the whole time. I mean what the hell am I supposed to say? He's still pissed… he hasn't spoken to me or come around in hours.
I stood in front of the ugly red door that contrasted the pale orange brick of the building. I raised my hand to knock, and then dropped it. Raised it again, took three steps back and sighed. I turned and leaned down resting my arms on some railing.
Come on Emily… get it together!
I mentally pumped myself and turned back to the door, knocking before I got the chance to chicken out again. The knock was swift, urgent, and nervous. The 10 seconds it took for it to open felt like 10 minutes.
"Hi." I mumbled.
Judson stared at me expectantly. Waiting for me to say something else.
"So. I uh, Umm… you wanna um. Go for a drive maybe?" I stuttered.
He shook his head and started to close the door.
"No, Judson wait!... I'm sorry."
The door slowly opened again. Judson sighed and then reached over for something, he stepped out. Keys in hand.
"After you." He said holding out his hand. I walked back down the stairs and towards the back of the parking lot. Judson didn't say a word as we climbed in. He pulled out of the parking lot and turned down the radio.
"So, we're driving."
"Yup." I said popping the p.
"Em I'm sick of the foreplay. If you have something to say then just say it already."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you. Its just… The fact that part me thinks you're right scares the shit out of me."
"Well sometimes the truth scares people, Emily."
"What if I really can't save him Judson. What if… What if I'm really going to lose him."
Instead of answering me he turned down a dark side road, it came out by a lake, he backed the truck up to the edge of the water and got out. I followed. He dropped the tailgate and jumped up, patting the seat next to him. I followed suit.
"What's your biggest fear? I mean truly… the WORST thing that could happen to you." He asked me.
I sat and thought for a minute. Staring at the water, watching the moon reflect off of it like it was dancing. What am I scared of?... Everything. What scares me the most?
"I'm scared I'll hurt the people I love… that I'll lose myself. Become a monster. Hurt my brothers."
Judson chuckled.
"What?"
"You Winchesters are something else. You're the exact same bullet just in a different casing. Emily what would you do to prevent yourself hurting your brothers?"
"Whatever it takes. I'd die before I let myself hurt them."
"So what you're saying is you would die for Sam and Dean?"
"Without a second thought." I said immediately.
"Emily what do you think Dean's biggest fear is?"
"…I don't know."
"Yes you do." He said looking me straight in the face. "Don't bullshit me Emily. Cause I'm not buying it."
I chewed on my lip and looked away from his intense gaze.
"Losing me and Sam." I finally whispered.
"What would Dean be willing to do to save the two of you?"
"…Anything." I said feeling my eyes sting.
"Em. When I say I know how hard this is for you I mean it. I mean it to the bottom of my soul, because I've lost someone. I know the pain, I know how scary it is. But I'm telling you right now, the pain it would have caused Dean NOT to make this decision. Is ten times worse… if you don't want to hurt your brother, then stop putting him through the ringer for trying to save you and Sam. He's just doing the best he can."
"But what if I can sav-"
"But what if you can't Em. What then? You gotta face that. You have to know that this could happen, that it probably WILL happen."
"And if I don't?"
"Then its going to destroy you. You need to talk to Dean. You need to fix this, and take every single day for what it is… cause the days get shorter and shorter. Stop spending them fighting, cause if you can't save him, then you'll hate yourself for it."
"I don't want to lose him Judson. I don't… I don't know how to do anything without him. Dean has literally been there for me my ENTIRE life. He raised me. He told me bedtime stories. He watched me take my first steps. He carried me when I scraped my knees learning to ride a bike. He stayed up with me all night long when I was sick. He was the only one who could get me to come out of the bathroom when I found out the truth about monsters. He fixed my first broken heart, he fixed my first broken arm. He watched every ridiculous sappy girlie movie I ever wanted to see when I was sad, and he never complained. Dean has made everything okay my entire life. He LITERALLY has saved me again, and again, and again… and I don't understand how this one damn time I can't save him! I just… I don't' know how to live without him."
"I didn't either. But you'll figure it out. Because that's all you can do."
"Its not right. He doesn't deserve to go to hell… He's the best person I know." I cried, leaning my head against Judson's shoulder. He quickly put his arm around me.
"I know." He sighed. "Most people don't deserve the bad shit that happens to them."
It was weird… the way I felt drawn to Judson. Sometimes I think he feels the same way, other times I feel like I'm annoying him. Its back and forth and back and forth.
"Why are you here?"
"What?" He asked confused.
"Why are you here. Why do you care? I mean you don't know us… you don't owe us anything. Hell all we do is piss each other off half the time. So why are you here. Listening to me cry in the dark."
"Because if I don't no one else will put up with your whiny ass."
I sat up and punched his shoulder. He laughed.
"So tell me what happened with Luke."
"Ugh. Can we just not go there? Please… aren't I dealing with enough right now?"
"Yeah. You are, which is why you need to put this behind you. Which you won't do until you talk about it… and I get the feeling there's something you're not wanting Dean or Sam to find out about."
I wracked my brain… do I tell him? Will he tell Sam or Dean? Will he think I'm pathetic?... well. Even more pathetic. I jumped off the back of the truck and paced around the edge of the water for a minute.
"You have to swear not to tell my brothers. Please."
"O-kay." He said slowly… I could see the wheels turning in his head. Debating how bad this could really be.
"The demon… he wanted to push me to use my, abilities or whatever. He kept hurting me. Trying to set me off. I tried really hard not to."
I crossed my arms and walked back towards him, he was still seated on the tailgate, leaning forward, listening intently. I walked till I was inches form him. So I wouldn't have to say it any louder…
"He just kept pushing… and it hurt so bad. So I snapped. And I threw him off of me, and then I just… kept going. He screamed, and something happened. The screams changed… it wasn't the demon. It was Luke. Begging me to stop hurting him."
I looked down guiltily.
"He asked me why I was hurting him. He looked so scared… he was scared of ME. So… the demon snapped back in, and took me down, and. I… I couldn't do it again. I couldn't hurt him Judson. Please… try to understand."
"What was he doing to you when we showed up?" Judson asked, they shade of green in his eyes growing a bit darker.
"Please understand… I didn't want to. And he didn't get far, but I couldn't fight back or I was gonna hurt Luke!"
"Em what were you going to let him do to you?" He asked standing up, I took three nervous steps back and shook my head.
"Please don't be mad." I cried. "Judson you don't understand. I couldn't hurt him."
"Emily… tell me the truth. Now."
"You can't tell Sam and Dean! Okay… you promised!"
"Emily! Tell me!"
"He-he… he tried to rape me." I finally whispered the words.
"And you weren't going to stop him?! What the hell is wrong with you!"
"I didn't want him to hurt Luke!"
"What about you Emily?! What about you getting hurt?"
"Please don't be mad at me."
"I can't believe you would do that for some guy who dumped you an hour later. Are you fucking kidding me…" He said walking around angrily, pushing his hand through his hair.
"… That's why he dumped me."
"What?"
"That's why he dumped me. He remembered it… and he said that he refused to be the weakness that got me killed and then he left. And he told me never to come back! And he told me it was over!" I yelled. "Okay, you happy now?! You know the whole story now… you-you think I'm stupid, and that I'm what… some pathetic little girl?! Well that's fine! But I wasn't going to hurt him! I don't want to kill anyone else! It scares me! I don't know who I am anymore and I don't know what I'm capable of and it scares the hell out of me dammit!"
"Well its about damn time you were honest with yourself don't you think?! Honest with me even! Is that so hard… why does it take so much to get you to admit this shit to yourself! Huh? What the hell is wrong with you that you would let a DEMON rape you before you would defend yourself just because he's walking around in some boy toy! Dammit Emily! Did you ever think that maybe your life is so fucked up because you keep letting it get that way?"
"Fuck you okay! You don't know shit about me or my life! You don't get it… any of it! You don't know what its like to be scared of yourself! To feel like you don't have control over anything you do! Over anything that happens to you!"
"Then take control! Stop hiding from everything and fucking own up to it! Take your life back!"
"Its not that simple!"
"Oh I think it is, I think you just enjoy all the drama. All the attention… huh? You like it when people come to your rescue all the damn time? Just keep putting yourself in danger. Keep letting shit get outta hand, and then you let someone else swoop in and save your dumb ass. God. You are unbelievable!"
His words felt like knives cutting into me… He doesn't understand. He can't understand. Under any normal circumstance I would be angry… so angry. But, coming from Judson… I don't know. It feels different. It makes me feel small. It makes me feel like I'm less of a person.
Plain and simple… it hurts.
I shook my head up and down as I stared at my boots on the muddy ground. Biting down on my lip to keep it from trembling. I looked at him for a brief second, then turned and began walking back down the dirt road.
"Where the hell are you going?" He called after me. I didn't reply. "Dammit Emily… arrgh!"
I continued walking, hearing him shuffling things around behind me. But I didn't stop to turn and see what it could be, honestly I'm not sure I wanna know. I just… wanna get away.
"I'm sorry okay! I'm sorry…" Judson yelled jogging to catch up to me, once he did he jumped in front of me and moved when I tried to dodge him. I turned and started walking the other way.
"Em please." He said as he grabbed my arm, stopping me from walking away. "C'mere… I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I just… It drives me nuts to think of what that demon could have done to you."
I didn't look up, but I also didn't resist as he pulled me into his arms, fully enveloping me. I froze as his fingers moved up and down my spine, his lips laid against my hairline. I was frozen in time. Unsure of what to say. Unsure of what to do.
All I knew is that I didn't want him to let me go.
Eventually I loosened the arms I had pushed tightly against my chest and let them move between his jacket and his shirt, hogging the warmth inside of it. My hands rubbed against his ribs, the muscular curves on his back, settling on intertwining behind his lower back.
"Emily… I didn't mean it." Judson whispered to me, his hot breath tingling as it touched my ear. I shuddered, and his arms wound around me even tighter.
"I'm tired of fighting with everyone." I finally whispered back. "I'm tired of fighting."
"I know hun. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things."
"But you did."
"Look at me." He said as he pulled my face away from his chest, his thumbs resting on either side of my face. "I didn't mean it. I was just angry, I just. Want you to trust me."
"Why?"
"Because it feels kinda nice to have someone depend on you again."
I lost myself in green eyes, unable to find a response. He eventually released me and I curled back into him, even though nothing in this day felt solid. Even though everything in my life felt like it was on shaky ground, I knew I had him to lean on. For now…
"We should go back." I finally said after remembering why we were here in the first place. Standing around here isn't helping Bobby.
"Okay." Judson said as he pulled us towards the truck.
The ride back was quiet, I stayed situated against his side, he didn't complain and kept his arm wrapped around me as he drove.
Is it odd to find comfort in someone who you know hardly anything about, but I'm thankful for it with everything going on right now.
When we pulled in we watched as Sam and Dean flew out of the motel room. I quickly jumped out of the truck.
"What's wrong?!"
"Bobby's awake! C'mon Em lets go." Sam said with a smile as he ushered me into the impala.
…..
We rushed down the hall, practically at a sprint as the four of us turned the corner and found Bobby sitting up in his bed, he turned to us and raised his eyebrows.
"Well don't yall look like a bunch of idjits."
"Uncle Bobby!" I smiled as I lunged and wrapped my arms around his neck, squeezing him to me.
"I missed you too darling." He said gruffly, hugging me back. I let him go and Sam and Bobby each took their turn, Judson watched from the door and offered Bobby a nod.
The rest of the night was spent filling Bobby in on the last few months and on what we found so far on the case. The boys also filled me in on walking around in Bobby's head, and the appearance of Bela the bitch. Can't say I'm mad I missed that one.
"So, uh, stoner boy wasn't in his dorm. My guess is he's long gone by now." Sam said walking in after going to find Jeremy.
"He ain't much of a stoner." Bobby corrected.
"No?" Dean asked.
"No. His name's Jeremy Frost. Full-on genius. Hundred-and-sixty IQ. Which is sayin' something, considering his dad took a baseball bat to his head. Here's Father of the Year." Bobby held up a copy of his father's driver's license. "He died before Jeremy was 10."
"Looks like a real sweetheart." I chided.
"Injury gave him Charcot-Wilbrand. He hasn't dreamt since."
"Yeah I know… I'm jealous." I added, Bobby rolled his eyes and Judson chuckled shaking his head
"Till he started dosing the dream drug." Dean said.
"Yep."
"How'd he know how to dig up your worst nightmare and throw it at you?"
"Hey, he was rooting around in my skull. God knows what he saw in there."
"Yeah. How'd he get in there in the first place? Isn't he supposed to have some of your hair, your DNA, or something?" Sam asked.
"Yeahhhh. 'Fore I knew it was him, he offered me a beer. I drank it. Dumbest frigging thing."
Oh no…
Oh no no no.
I looked up to Dean, we both had the classic 'oh shit' look on our faces. Something that didn't go missed.
"Oh, I don't know. It wasn't that dumb." I giggled as I noticed Judson was watching Dean and I. I laughed nervously and Dean stood running his hand through his hair. Sam and Bobby quickly turned towards me.
"Em, you didn't." Sam asked.
"Uh. Actually yeah… WE did."
"We?" Bobby asked.
"I was thirsty?" Dean added.
"That's great. Now he can come after either one of you!" Sam said full of frustration.
"Well, now we just have to find him first." Judson said with a sigh, I could tell this frustrated him as well.
"We better work fast ... and coffee up. Because the one thing we cannot do – is fall asleep." Bobby added.
….
"Em. Em! Come on… drink it." Sam said handing me ANOTHER green tea. I asked for energy drinks, but he was afraid my heart might explode.
"Saaaaaaaam." I whined. "I'm so tired."
"I mean, this Jeremy guy's not a friggin' ghost. Where the hell could he be?" Dean said as he punched the gas pulling out of the gas station parking lot.
"Dean, you sure you don't want me to drive? You seem a little..." Sam started, but hesitated when Dean shot him a look. "... caffeinated."
"Well, thanks for the news flash, Edison!"
"Stop yelling! You're giving me a headache!" I whined again.
"Oh my god… if you don't stop whining I'm gonna shoot you." Judson growled from beside me.
"Hey, you have the option to go to sleep! Its not my fault you've been up for two days!"
"You know what, sleep sounds great." He teased as he settled into his seat and closed his eyes. I watched him for a moment before sending an elbow into his rib cage.
"OW! Shit…"
"Don't sleep in front of me dick."
"Don't take drinks from psychos dumbass."
Dean's phone rang and distracted us.
"Tell me you got something!... Yeah… What the hell, Bobby!... Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just.. I'm-I'm-I'm tired."
Dean cracked his neck and sighed.
"What's Bela got?... Great! Well, I'm just gonna go blow my brains out now!" Dean shut the phone and threw it down, grunting as he gripped the wheel angrily.
"I told you that bitch was useless." I shot at Dean.
"All right, that's it. I'm done. I'm done!" Dean said as he pulled over and turned off the car.
"What are you doing?" Sam asked.
"Taking myself a long-overdue nap." "
"What?! Dean, Jeremy can come after you."
"That's the idea."
"Pretty stupid idea." I told them crossing my arms.
"You- don't get to say anything. You drank from the fountain of stupid too so shut up!" Sam said. I flipped him off.
"Come on man, we can't find him, so let him come to me." Dean said trying to convince Sam to go with it.
"On his own turf? Where he's basically a god?"
"I can handle it."
"Not alone, you can't." Sam said yanking a few of Dean's hairs out.
"Oh thank God! I'm down, give me some hair and lets sleep!" I said sitting up and leaning over the seat.
"No way." Both my brothers said simultaneously.
"What?!"
"No way am I letting YOU walk around in MY head… do you know how much porn is stashed up there?"
"Oh come on Dean! I'm not a virgin! You don't have to cover my eyes during sex scenes anymore! I just want to sleep! I can help fight the guy!"
"No way. We're gonna be sitting ducks while we're out, you and Judson need to stay up. Keep us alive form the real world side of things."
"Dean! Please!"
"No."
"Sam?!"
"Sorry Em. He's right." Sam said shrugging his shoulders.
"This is bullshit." I grumbled.
"Stop bitching and be quiet." Judson mumbled with his eyes closed. I stuck my tongue out at him. Then I leaned forward and punched each of my brothers in the ribs, they won't feel it now… but they will when they wake up. I smiled deviously as I sat back and sipped at the green tea.
"What the hell was that?" Judson asked.
"My petty revenge.""
"You're ridiculously stubborn… I mean can you really blame him for not wanting you digging around up there?
"Well it would make us even for once… Dean always knows what's going through my head."
"Its because he knows you so well. Not because he forced himself into your subconscious."
"Eh, tomato-tomahto."
"I just hope they get the bastard, so we can all actually get some sleep."
"Don't say the S word… it hurts."
"Your stupid." He chuckled.
I watched as Sam and Dean both began to flinch in their sleep… part of me began to worry.
"Think they're okay?"
"I think if anyone can do this, its gonna be them. Have a little faith."
I nodded and scooted forward, leaning over the seat and feeling both of their pulses. Dean's heart was racing. Sam's was a steady tempo.
I sat back and sighed… watching them carefully for the next several minutes.
Out of nowhere Sam's back arched and he groaned in what sounded like pain. I pushed forward and took his hand.
"Sammy… it's okay. You can do this." I whispered in his ear. He moved a little more but settled back down just as Dean started to shake his head back and forth over and over again. I reached up and felt his forehead, it was burning up and sweat poured down his face.
"Judson something's wrong."
"Huh?" He mumbled.
"Somethings happening… I don't know whats going on! He's burning up."
"Give him a minute and see if it calms down." He said as he placed a hand on my shoulder. "He's probably facing some scary shit in there, imagine if you were stuck in your head with all your issues."
"That's not funny!" I shot back.
"I'm not trying to be funny, I'm being serious Em. Give him a minute and see if he calms down."
I sighed and watched Dean intently. He calmed down for a minute before thrashing in his seat again.
"No… No. don't deserve this.." He mumbled. My heart ached.
"I should have gone with them… maybe there's enough left to make some more."
"Emily no!" Judson sat up and yanked the flask away from me. "Are you crazy? The last thing you need to do is jump in there when shits hitting the fan!"
"I have to help him, please!"
"No, no way, I can't let you go in there. Help him from here."
"What the hell am I supposed to do form here Judson! I can't even see what's going on."
"Talk him through this. Remind him he's only stuck in his head, he can hear you."
I climbed over the seat and sat between my two enormous brothers, Sam seemed to be stirring as well, something was definitely going on.
"De… De its okay. I'm here." I whispered to him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it… I don't want to die. Just fight this and come back to me okay?"
I squeezed Sam's hand tight as he mumbled in his sleep as well.
"Judson its not working, he's still burning up, and now Sam's starting."
"Okay, okay just take a breath. Let them fight this battle. Okay, they can do it. You trust them right?"
"Yeah but-"
"But nothing. Trust that they can beat this. Let them do this."
Everything in me felt like it was walking on pins and needles. I just wanted them to wake up! I sat between them, looking back and forth, watching as they both moved in their sleep, mumbling words, but they seemed to be fighting two different battles.
"I think he split them up… they're not together." I said nervously.
"Em, stop. Stop freaking out, okay? Its okay hun. They can do this."
"I just want to help."
"I know, you are. Just… be here for them. Keep them safe while their asleep."
Without warning Sam shot up next to me gasping for air, scaring the hell out of Judson and I both.
"Sam! Sam… What happened?!" I said taking his face into my hands. He panted for air.
"I. I killed him…sorta."
"Sorta? Well… it was by my hands but. He's. He's dead."
"Oh thank God." I sighed, hugging Sam to me. He hugged me back, kissing the top of my head. I turned, waiting for Dean to say something, but he didn't wake up.
"Sammy why isn't he awake?"
"I don't know. Jeremy is dead."
Dean still seemed to be fighting with something.
"Sammy something's wrong! I knew something was wrong… was Dean with you?"
"No, Jeremy split us up pretty quickly once we passed out."
"Dean! De! Wake up!" I said shaking him fiercely. "Dean! Please… I'm not ready! Okay I'm sorry! I take it all back please wake up!"
"Em, get in the back." Sam said as he pushed me aside and went to lightly slap Dean's face.
"Dean. Dean. Hey. Come on man wake up." He said as he too shook him and felt how feverish he was.
"Oh god… Sam what's happening?" I asked frantically. Judson put his arms on my shoulders and rubbed up and down, whispering to me to calm down.
"I don't know, he should be awake." Sam said. "Jeremy's dead I don't understand what he's seeing."
I ripped from Judson's grasp and moved out of the backseat, I pulled open the driver door and climbed in kneeling over Dean.
"Dean! Dean come back! Wake up!" I yelled, feeling full blown panic writhe inside me at how still he had become.
Dean's eyes flew open and were as wide as I've ever seen them as he flailed his arms and looked around frantically.
"De, De its okay! Its okay." I said as I pushed his arms down and threw my arms around his neck. "You're okay. We're okay."
He breathed heavily but after a moment wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. It didn't matter what fight we were in. It didn't matter who was right or wrong… I just needed him to be okay. And he just needed to know I was here, alive.
…..
Once Dean and I settled we started driving back to the motel. I waited until we were parked and Sam and Judson were climbing out to reach up and grab hold of Dean's arm, he looked back at me, without having to use words he knew I was asking if we could talk.
Sam and Judson looked back for a minute as Dean shut his door, but continued into the motel. I climbed over the seat and sat to where I was facing my whole body towards Dean.
"De. I owe you an apology… actually I owe you a lot of apologies, but this one will just have to do. I'm sorry for the things I said. I don't wish I was dead… I just. Wanted you to hurt as much as I did at the time."
"Babygirl, I know you're angry with me. And that's okay."
"But its not okay to take it out on you like I have been, all the guilt trips, the fights, the cutting you out… I know everything you've ever done was for me and Sammy. I'm sorry I've been giving you grief for it. I just… the thought of losing you scares me De. The thought of not being able to save you… it scares me. All this crap with my abilities, scares me. I feel like I'm losing myself, losing you… I just don't feel like I have anything to grab onto right now."
"Hey kiddo you look at me." Dean leaned down and grabbed my hands in his. "I'm still here. For as long as I can I'll be here, and you can ALWAYS grab onto me. But you really need to start grabbing hold of Sam… He's gonna be here. He loves you as much as I do, he will help you Em. Just let him."
"I need you too." I cried.
"No babygirl you don't. You can do this… but uh. For the record… I hope you do find a way to save me. I don't really wanna go to hell."
Something in his eyes was different.
Something in his head really got to him.
I stared at those soft familiar green eyes I've stared into my entire life and I knew the look… fear. He was scared to. Something in me found renewed strength. A will to fight. Fight like hell. I'm not losing my brother.
"I'm gonna save you De. Sammy and I… we're gonna save you." I said as I reached up and wrapped myself around him, he held me and we sat there, savoring the moment that we found a new hope.
Eventually we separated and walked inside the room with Bobby, Sam, and Judson. All three gave us an odd look, I rolled my eyes and walked straight to Sam. Taking Dean's advice and grabbing onto him, making him my solid ground for now. He's my constant in this crazy mess. I've neglected to recognize that, but now it makes a lot of sense, and I'm not letting go. My arms wrapped his waist and being the gentle giant he is he delicately moved my hair to the side and pinned it behind my ear so it didn't sit in my face.
"I love you Sammy."
"I love you too kiddo, lets get some sleep huh?"
I nodded.
"So you did a little dream-weaving of your own in here, huh?" Bobby asked.
"Yeah. I just sort of concentrated and it happened, you know?" Sam explained.
"Didn't have anything to do with... you know, your psychic stuff?"
"No. I mean, I don't think so. I haven't had anything since Em got hers."
"Good. And darling you didn't have any part in it?"
"Are you kidding me? These two assholes made me sit it out. Worried me half to death the entire time." I said looking between them.
"Hey, you guys seen Bela? She's not in her room. She's not answering her phone." Dean asked.
"Good. Maybe she left." I smiled.
"Em's right. She probably took off or something." Sam agreed.
"Just like that? That's a little weird." Judson added.
"Yeah well, if you ask me what's weird is why she helped us in the first place." Bobby said walking over to the table.
"I thought you saved her life." Dean said as he furrowed his brows.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"The thing in Flagstaff. "
"That thing in Flagstaff was an amulet. I gave her a good deal, that's all."
I sat for a second and thought… she wouldn't help Bobby for that. She's playing an angle.
"I think we should check our pockets."
Sam and Dean both started patting at their jeans. I rolled my eyes and found Bobby doing the same thing.
"Not literally. Idjits." Bobby grumbled.
Dean's face contorted before he looked at Sam, then at the safe.
"No, no, no, no." Dean said as he walked over and opened the safe."Dammit!"
"The Colt." Sam sighed.
"Bela stole the Colt?!" I snapped.
"Damn it, boys!"
"Pack you crap." Dean demanded getting his bag.
"Why? Where are we going?" I asked.
"We're gonna go hunt the bitch down."
"Dean. We're all exhausted. Let us knock out a few hours of sleep… Bela already has a huge head start on us. 6 hours isn't going to make a difference at this point."
"Well you kids get to sleep then, I'll head out and see if I can't pick up her tracks." Bobby said grabbing his already packed bag.
"Thanks Bobby. We really appreciate that."
"Yeah yeah yeah… just get to sleep so you can get your ass in gear."
"Yes sir." I smiled as I hugged him. He kissed me on the cheek and walked out.
"Alright. I'm gonna go pass out." Judson said as he followed Bobby out the door.
"I think we all are." Sam sighed as he flopped down onto the bed. I flopped down next to him and we were asleep in minutes.
No dreams.
No nightmares.
No interruptions.
Just sleep… long awaited, desperately needed sleep.
….
"Em. Wake up kiddo." Dean shook me awake gently.
"Mmm… how long was I out?"
"About 5 hours, we packed all your stuff, you can sleep some more in the car but we need to get going okay?"
"Yeah, okay."
I sat up and stretched. I ran to the bathroom to change and freshen up a bit, knowing we'd be on the road for a while. When I came out the boys were outside in the parking lot. I stepped out and started towards them, but instead I walked over to the big black truck at the end of the row.
"Well if it isn't sleeping beauty." Judson teased, crossing his arms and leaning against the truck.
"Did you get some sleep?"
"Yeah, I got in a few hours."
"So you tagging along for our witch hunt?"
"Nah, I got wind of a case not too far form here. Gonna go handle it and then maybe check in with Bobby. If you guys haven't caught her by then maybe I can help cover some ground."
"So you're leaving…"
I felt the disappointment sink in.
"What did you think I was gonna follow you three around forever? No way… too much drama." He said as he winked at me.
"You're an ass. Be careful, holler if you need anything."
"You too Winchester… I'm only a phone call away. And I'm here to talk if you need me."
"Thanks, but… I think I'm gonna be pretty busy. Hey if you find any new info on demon deals while you're out there let me know okay?"
"Still think you can save him?"
"I don't know… but I know he doesn't wanna die. So I'm gonna fight like hell to save him."
"I'll keep my eyes open for anything that can help then, oh and for the record… I was never on Dean's side. I'm on your side. I hope you can save him too. I just want to know that you'll survive it if you can't."
"Well… I don't know if that's possible. So I guess I'll just have to save him to save us both."
"Stubborn Winchesters." He said as he shook his head.
"Bye Judson." I said as I turned to walk away.
"I'll see you around, Emily."
I walked back towards the impala and sighed as I climbed in the backseat. My eyes glued to the truck as it pulled out in the opposite direction.
"Kiddo." Dean called.
"Yeah?"
"You sure you don't have a thing for him? Cause you kinda got that lost puppy dog look on your face right now." He teased, Sam turned and grinned at me.
"Oh my god... shut up and drive."