So.. this took a while, sorry about that! Shit happens in this chapter and I have no idea how I feel about any of it, but hope you enjoy! Ps a belated happy holidays and hope for a joyous new year :)

—The Desire—

Lu closed her eyes for a second—wishing she had just taken her paperwork home instead of finishing it up at the clinic—when Andy walked in, ''What do you want?'' She asked, it had been too long a day with too much shit happening for her to have any kind of patience. They hadn't spoken much since their lunch with Julian days earlier. Lu could see that Andy was taken aback by Lu's phrasing and she sighed, ''What can I do for you?''

Andy took a deep breath, trying to shake off Lu's demeanor, hoping it wasn't personal whilst knowing full well it probably was. ''Milo and I's wedding is only a couple of weeks away,'' Andy said. She suddenly couldn't remember why this had seemed like a good idea in her head. She hesitated, ''I think that we should maybe look for a maid-of-honor dress for you.''

''You still want me to do that?'' Lu asked. They hadn't talked about the wedding in forever it seemed, and it had been even longer since they had discussed Lu being the maid-of-honor, it had completely slipped her mind but now that it had been brought back to the forefront she was surprised Andy still intended to go through with it. Lu wasn't so sure she wanted to be the maid-of-honor anymore, if she even went to the wedding at all. ''Isn't there someone else you can ask?''

Andy cocked her head to the side. ''Do you remember when I first started sleeping with-'' Andy bit her lip as she almost said Nick's name, it would have been the first time he had been brought up in weeks. She tried to shake it off and just continue, ''You told me to make friends with someone I haven't slept with.''

Lu needed a second longer to recover from that particular memory. When she did she looked back at Andy. ''Yeah…?''

Andy took a deep breath, ''Well, I work 60 hours a week, have two kids, and up until recently I was dating two people, so I haven't exactly had time for that.'' Andy could see a small smile on Lu's face at that explanation. ''Look, if you don't want to be my maid-of-honor, no worries, I completely understand…'' she took a deep breath.

Lu frowned at Andy, knowing there was more. ''But?''

Andy looked away, hoping that Lu could see how genuine she was. ''But I don't want anyone else.''

Milo closed the door behind him as he walked into their bedroom. He had just gotten home after getting paged to the hospital earlier that morning. Andy was rummaging through her clothes in their shared walk-in-closet and he glanced over at the clock, checking the time. ''I thought you'd have left already.''

Andy looked up, a dress in her hand. ''Not yet, still got about another hour,'' another stressful hour to kill. It was true that they still needed a dress for Lu to wear but honestly she had just been looking for any excuse for them to spend time together. She held up the dress to Milo. ''What do you think?''

''Looks nice,'' Milo said as he sat down on the bed, staring at Andy who was still in her underwear. ''Although I'm sure Lu wouldn't mind seeing you in something a bit more…''

''Something a bit sexier?'' Andy asked, knowing what Milo was always thinking of. ''This is about as sexy as it's gonna get without going out in just lingerie,'' she said as she put the dress on and checked herself in the mirror. It was nice but a little too dressy for just looking for a dress; it wasn't as if this was a date.

''Now there's an idea…'' Milo said, ignoring Andy rolling her eyes. ''So what's the plan? You're going to look at dresses and you're going to be supportive of her being with Julian and hope that'll bring her back?'' He had talked to Lu a few times and she had mentioned how supportive Andy was being and how surprised she had been by that.

''There's not much else I can do,'' Andy said, refraining from telling him that that same strategy—in his case being supportive of him being with Sandra—had worked on him. She took the dress off again and threw it on the bed, nothing seemed quite right.

''You're just going to act like you're completely okay with how things are between you two?'' Milo asked, unable to hide his surprise.

Andy turned back to him and sighed. ''Look, do I think that she moved on rather quickly? Yes, obviously. And yes, she is being way more difficult than she needs to be, but if I have to let her be until she's ready to talk about getting back together then that's what I'm gonna do.'' No matter how much it had killed her inside to see Lu and Julian together, she was gonna do whatever it took. She felt frustrated and sad but she didn't want to bother Milo with that.

He could tell, of course. He reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her close to him. She laid her head down on his shoulder and melted into the embrace. His hand was softly stroking her back and she had goose bumps. They hadn't had sex in what felt like way too long and with each passing day his scent was getting more and more intoxicating. She stood up, pushing him back onto the bed before climbing on top of him, kissing him for a few minutes before letting them roll them over so he was on top.

Ever since she had told Milo about what had happened with her, Lu, and Nick, their sex life had cooled down a lot, and she missed it. To now have Milo seemingly be into it, there was almost a sense of relief. ''Are you sure you want to do this?'' She asked him as he started kissing her neck. She could feel him against her thigh and rocked back against it, it all made her crave him even more; not just the sex but the intimacy. He had been so distant lately and she missed him even just cuddling up next to her, she hated that it took her getting emotional over her breakup with Lu for him to pull her close.

Milo pulled away, looking into her eyes. He could see how turned on she was and he would be lying if he said he didn't feel the same way, ''If you're okay with-''

Andy sighed, ''I don't even care about that right now,'' she said and she could feel him push her panties to the side. Her hands made their way down to the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head when he let her. His skin underneath was soft and she softly traced the trail of hair from his bellybutton down.

He rubbed her clit for a few seconds and could feel her push back against him, obviously wanting more. He could see her bite down on her lip; with how infrequent their lovemaking currently was even this relatively simple act was enough to turn her on, ''You sure about that?'' He asked, whispering into her ear.

''I'm sure it's nothing I can't handle,'' she said as she unzipped his slacks and slipped her hand inside his underwear, rubbing up and down his length. She could feel him grow harder in her hand and she stared up at Milo's face, his eyes closed as if he was concentrating. His hips were softly thrusting against her hand.

Milo noticed the smug look on her face when he opened his eyes again and he wanted nothing more than to fuck that look off her face. He pushed two fingers inside of her and was glad to find her already wet for him, it didn't take him long to find her g-spot and he could feel her nails dig into his shoulder. He picked up the pace a bit, knowing exactly how she liked it. He could feel her hand on his shoulder almost starting to push him away, a sure sign that she was close, wanting to push him away as it was getting to be too much and she was nearing the edge.

She whimpered at the loss of contact when he pulled his hand away, getting reminded of the frustrations she had been enduring for what seemed like forever. She could feel the mattress next to her dip as Milo leaned on his elbow. He kissed her before bringing his fingers to her mouth, spreading her own juices on her lips. She sucked his fingers into her mouth; her own taste had never bothered her. She could see him swallow hard and didn't have to guess to know what he was thinking of. The suggestive look on her face didn't win him over however and she was about to pout in disappointment when he finally slipped inside her.

It was so easy to forget how well their bodies fit together, how good he felt inside of her. Her hands cupped his face as she kissed him again, before moving them down to his shoulders, one of them going down even further and grabbing his butt. It was one of her favorite features of his'.

He was setting a slower tempo than usual and she crossed her ankles behind him, wanting to have him close. He buried his face in her neck and her hand moved up his back, softly stroking it. His lips were sucking on her neck and even though she was ticklish there she couldn't keep herself from moaning.

She closed her eyes and for just a moment it felt as though everything was okay between them, like there had been no fighting, or distance, or frustration on both their parts.

A tear slipped down her cheek and Milo looked up when he heard her sniffling—her body aching when he stopped moving.

''Are you okay?''

Andy was quick to brush the tears away and nodded, ''Yeah,'' she said breathlessly. Looking deep into his eyes she could still feel that flutter in her stomach she had had when they first started dating, ''I just love you so much,'' she said, chuckling slightly at the silliness of it. Of course she loved him, they were about to get married, she was carrying his baby for Christ's sake. Her hand moved to his face, her thumb stroking his cheek, ''And I missed this.''

She really had missed him, but even as he somewhat took that feeling away by pulling her close it just brought how much she missed Lu back to the forefront.

Lu stepped out of the dressing room, back in her regular clothes as she hadn't yet found a dress that she liked. She saw Andy looking at one of the dresses that had hung on the rack just outside the dressing room. ''That would look amazing on you.'' She said, it reminded Lu somewhat of a dress Andy had worn on one of their dates; the same deep red color that she knew looked so good on Andy. She could see that Andy didn't believe her, ''You could wear it to the wedding rehearsal.''

Andy eyed it again before looking back at Lu, already moving to hang it back as she said, ''Ehh I'm not sure.''

''Come on, just try it on,'' Lu was somewhat pushing Andy towards the dressing room she herself had just emerged from. She could sense Andy's resistance, ''It's not like you have to buy it if you don't want to.''

Andy's hesitance didn't wane and a blush crept up to her face, ''I mean, I would try it on, but…''

''But?''

Andy had a somewhat embarrassed smile on her face and leaned into Lu's body so she could whisper in her ear. ''I'm not wearing any underwear.'' When she pulled away she tried to hide her smirk at how Lu's breath hitched, how she bit her lip and tried to hide it. It made Andy's heart flutter, just happy to still have this effect on Lu. Milo had had the fun idea of no underwear after their rendezvous earlier and she couldn't have been more glad for it. She turned to put the dress back on the rack but Lu grabbed her by the front of her shirt, pulling Andy back to her until her body was flush with hers.

Andy could feel one of Lu's hands on her hip and their faces were just inches from each other. One of her hands made its way up to Lu's waist. She wanted nothing more than to just finally kiss her again but she knew she needed Lu to initiate it.

Lu's hand travelled up Andy's side until it was resting just beneath her breast. She knew she couldn't kiss her, not right now at least… but she could still have some fun. Lu rubbed Andy's nipple with her thumb before she had even made up her mind if she was going to do that, and she could hear Andy's breath hitch. She rested their foreheads together before pulling away. ''Sorry. I shouldn't have…''

Even though it had just been for a brief moment Andy missed the warmth of Lu pressed against her. She shook her head, ''It's okay, I didn't mind.''

''I did,'' Lu took a few steps away, turning her back to Andy.

Andy's eyes followed Lu but she knew it was best to keep her distance. The last thing she wanted to be doing was to push Lu in any direction. ''What is it? What's the problem?''

Lu bit her lip, ''I don't want to do this.''

Andy looked away; it wasn't the answer she had expected. She had seen the look in Lu's eyes and she knew that what she had just said was a lie. ''You don't?'' She asked, trying to prompt more of an answer from Lu. When no answer came she walked over to Lu, putting her hand on the small of her back and after a second Lu turned around. ''It certainly looked like it to me.''

Lu could still feel the warmth of Andy's hand on her back and wished it was still there. ''Andy… You don't get it. I want to do this. I really really want to do this,'' her eyes moved from back and forth between Andy's eyes to her lips and it took everything in her to keep her from kissing Andy, ''But not here, not now, not when I'm with Julian.''

''Oh right, Julian…'' Andy said as she eyed some different dresses, not wanting to face Lu. ''Mickey 2.0.''

Lu turned back to Andy in confusion, not having any clue whatsoever what she was referring to. The mention of Mickey's name still took her breath away for a second; she hadn't heard it in far too long. ''What are you talking about?''

Andy thought it was rather obvious and she looked at Lu. ''Come on, Lu, I met him, I-''

Lu didn't listen to a word Andy had said. ''What does he have to do with Mickey?'' She insisted.

Andy shrugged. ''Honestly, the whole thing just reminded me of when you were with Jonas after you called him ''J'','' she said, starting with her first impression.

Lu quickly butted in. ''He's nothing like Jonas.''

''No, I know,'' Andy quickly said. It had been her first assumption but she had quickly learned that Julian was indeed nothing like Jonas, a much softer personality. ''He is exactly like Mickey though.'' She said and she could see that Lu didn't get it. ''You don't see it? Handsome, a bit scruffy, lanky, just a bit shy…''

Lu turned her back to Andy, rifling through the dresses again, ''Don't bring Mickey into our relationship drama,'' she said quietly.

''Lu, I didn't mean it like that,'' Andy said, walking over to Lu, wanting to make clear that she didn't mean anything by it, it had just been an observation, ''I just meant that I can see why you'd be attracted to him. It's like a second chance.''

''It's not,'' Lu said, ''Julian is not Mickey, he's nothing like him. He's nothing like Jonas, he's nothing like you. He is…''

''A distraction from what's been going on between us?'' Andy guessed.

''You can't give me more credit than that?'' Lu asked, hoping Andy didn't think that little of her, ''I don't go around using people like…'' she was desperately trying to come up with an example.

Andy cut her off. ''Like me? Is that what you were gonna say?''

''Andy, no.'' Lu quickly said, though she wasn't a hundred percent sure she truly believed it. ''I know that you don't just use people, at least not on purpose… But I hope you do also know that I don't date people unless I like them. I'm not dating Julian because he reminds me of Mickey, I'm dating him because we have fun together, and he likes me, and I like him…''

They were both silent for a moment. ''You like him?'' Andy asked, quickly clarifying, ''I mean, actually like him, as more than a friend?''

Lu looked down, ''I think so,'' she said quietly. She watched Andy walk away and sighed, ''Andy, what do you expect from me? Okay? No matter how much I hate that I do, I do love you. I just can't do anything with that right now-''

Andy looked down at Lu's lip, ''You could kiss me,'' she threw out, not understanding why Lu was torturing herself so much.

Lu stepped back, ''I can't.''

''Why not?''

''Because after everything that has happened, after how you treated me, I don't know what I am to you anymore.'' She didn't know exactly what they were and she didn't know what she wanted them to be either, every time she was close to making up her mind about getting back together or breaking up for good—which she as good as had done with her dating Julian—Andy would say something that would make her doubt everything. ''You keep saying that you want to be with me and that you take our relationship seriously, but you treat me as a… as a commodity. It makes it difficult for me to know how you truly feel, and if it's worth investing in this relationship.''

''Lu, you know how I feel; like you said, you know that I love you,'' Andy had her hand on her heart, wishing that she could find a way to show Lu how much she truly did love her, ''And I'm sorry if I haven't always made that clear, but I hope you do see that I'm trying to do better, to be better.'' The look on Lu's face made her hesitant to go on. ''What?''

''The problem is that you loving me didn't keep you from treating me as if I'm inferior to Milo.'' Lu said, feeling frustrated.

''You know I don't see you like that.''

Lu ignored her, ''You loving me didn't keep you from sleeping with Nick.''

''Look, I made a mistake, I'll freely admit to that,'' Andy said, finding it difficult to keep her voice down, wondering how many more times she would have to repeat this, ''But I've told you I'm sorry countless times and at the end of the day that's all I can do, no matter how much I want to I can't go back in time and undo that.''

Lu waited impatiently for Andy to stop talking and threw her arms up; surprised that Andy was this dense. ''You loving me isn't keeping you from instantly becoming defensive instead of listening to what I'm saying and actually doing something about it.''

Lu had laid out to Andy exactly what she needed to do when/if they ever got back together, but Andy wasn't so sure what she could do right there in that moment. She decided that despite Lu's words it would be better to disregard what she was saying for now and instead focus on what seemed to be the underlying issue for Lu at the moment. ''I know that you're mad at me-''

''Of course I'm mad at you!'' Lu said. It had come out louder than expected and she took a moment to try to calm herself down so she could speak more quietly. ''I'm pissed off that I finally found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with and then you go and fuck it all up.'' She knew Andy was sorry but she didn't care in that moment. She didn't want to talk about how sorry Andy was, she didn't want to tell her for the millionth time what she wanted from her, and she especially didn't want Andy to repeat one more time that she loved her because in that moment Lu couldn't think of three words more useless than 'I love you'. Lu ran her hands through her hair, ''I know that you love me, I'm not bringing that into question, but right now your love is worth squat.''

Andy was taken aback by Lu's words and tried to ignore the tears welling up in her eyes as she felt Lu's intense gaze on her. She took a few steps away, trying to make up her mind if she was going to leave or not; if this was how Lu felt then nothing was going to bring them back together. In the end all she muttered was a quiet 'wow'.

Lu hesitated for a second, knowing she had screwed up. She took the few steps separating her and Andy and grabbed her hand, ''Unless you actually do something with it, I have got no use for your love for me.''

Andy pulled her hand away, ''I did want to do something with it, that's why I wanted us to get back together.''

Lu clenched her jaw, wishing Andy would stop bringing that back up. She had already said multiple times that she wasn't ready to discuss that possibility yet. ''I get that maybe you're not used to this because Milo is willing to just move past what you did because you two are having a baby together, but I can't just forgive and forget, I'm not like that.''

Andy frowned, ''What?'' She was genuinely confused until she remembered that Milo had gone to talk to Lu, he hadn't shared this with her though. ''Just because he's doing his best keeping up this façade that everything is fine between us, doesn't mean it is.''

''What're you talking about?'' Lu had hoped he would be honest with her as he seemed so hell-bent on them having a good relationship.

Andy sighed, wishing Lu had never brought this up. Just like Milo she did want them to have a nice friendship and she was worried she had just thrown a wrench into his plans. ''He's been mad at me since I told him about what happened with Nick. He barely talked to me for weeks, even stopped working on the baby room.'' At least their having sex just a few hours prior made it feel to Andy like things were heading in the right direction.

''He told me everything was fine,'' Lu said quietly.

''He probably didn't want to drag you into it.''

''I don't know,'' Lu said, finding it difficult to get into Milo's head, he had never been all that predictable. ''He made it sound like since you two are having a baby he's just letting it go.''

''At the very least it's making him stay.'' Andy said, looking down—it was much more important to her that they focus on repairing their own relationship than spending their time together discussing her and Milo.

''He would never leave you,'' Lu said, that being one of the few things she was actually sure about when it came to Milo. She remembered something he had said, ''He did say he was punishing you…''

Andy senses the slightly questioning tone in Lu's voice, ''I think you know exactly what that entails.''

Lu had a small smirk on her face. ''Until when?''

''Until after the wedding, at least,'' Andy said with a sigh.

Lu gave her a sympathetic smile, even she wouldn't make Andy wait that long. It was definitely very much deserved though in her eyes. ''Sounds like straight up torture.''

''You have no idea… the pregnancy hormones aren't making it any easier.'' Though Andy missed this form their relationship, being able to talk casually about quite intimate things, she wanted to change the subject. She held up a dress to Lu, ''How about this one? Jesse and Lizzy will be wearing light blue dresses, I think this would go well with them.''

Lu frowned as she felt the fabric, ''I don't know if blue is really my color.'' She took it from Andy and held it up to herself in the mirror, ''How do I look?''

Andy had a small smile on her face, ''Beautiful. As always.''

Lu was twisting the phone cord around with her fingers as she waited for Andy to pick up, getting more and more impatient with each passing second.

''Campbell.'' Andy said as she picked up, wishing she had number recognition. She could hear her parents talking with Milo in the living room as they were waiting for Milo's parents to show up. Andy's parents had dropped by on their way back to Washington from a trip up north and Andy and Milo had figured it was about time they told everybody about the baby.

''Hey,'' Lu said as she sat down on the couch, feeling a bit more relaxed just for the fact that Andy had picked up the phone.

''Lu? Are you okay?'' Andy asked. Even when they had been together it hadn't been too common for Lu to call her, and Andy couldn't imagine why she was calling now.

''Yeah, fine,'' Lu said, hesitating for a second, ''Do you want to meet up for dinner?'' She asked, throwing a quick glance at the clock. It had taken her a little while to work up the nerve to finally call and it was getting late.

Andy bit her lip, every part of her wanted to say yes but she couldn't leave. ''I can't. Not tonight. My parents are here, Milo's parents are on their way…''

Lu was 99% sure that Andy was being truthful and not just didn't want to see her, ''Okay… How about lunch tomorrow? We can go to Callowhills…?''

Andy thought about it for a second, she would have to cancel some things but she could make it work. ''Sure. Ehm… how about 1 p.m.?''

''Perfect.''

Andy rubbed her hands on her jeans, trying to get rid of her sweaty hands, getting more nervous by the second. She had shown up early, as per usual, and was waiting impatiently for Lu to show up. She had dressed down, not wanting to make any assumptions about why Lu had wanted to meet up.

It had gone well the previous night. Her parents, Milo's parents, her daughters—it had all worked out perfectly with Jesse being at home—they had all responded positively and it was a huge weight off her shoulders. Her parents had been iffy about Milo from the start and she couldn't imagine they would be thrilled about them having a baby out of wedlock—although they were getting married in less than a month—but they had responded quite positively. Andy hadn't missed the look on her mother's face when she asked how Lu was doing though.

Milo's mom had never been a fan of Andy but they seemed to be very excited at the prospect of a new grandbaby. And it hadn't hurt that all the other people being there had kept her daughters from asking questions about Lu.

Really. It couldn't have gone any better. The only thing Andy could ask for was to get back together with Lu. It was a few minutes past 1, and though Lu was usually pretty punctual this wasn't out of the ordinary for her. Andy wasn't going to let it stress her out.

No stress. No obsessing, wondering what Lu was going to say. Just relax and see what happens.

That was the mindset Andy kept until she finally left at 3, not even a glimpse of Lu.