"We need to talk kiddo." Dean mumbled.
"I don't want to talk yet." I whispered back, my face hidden from his as I held myself still wrapped around him. I haven't let go of him for even a second in the last hour. I've just held him. Breathed in his scent. Made sure time after time after time that this was in fact real. Not a trick. Not the drugs. That MY Dean was back.
How?
I don't give a flying fuck how. He's back and that's all that matters.
"Emily, we gotta talk eventually."
I didn't answer him, instead I Just wrapped my arms a little tighter, buried my face a little deeper. I just wanted to hide. To run away in his safety and never come back out.
To run away from this mess I've made.
I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to look at it, not even think about it.
"Em, when do you stop talking to me? Huh? We've always been able to talk about everything."
But If I tell you… you'll hate me. You'll look at me differently. You'll be disappointed in me, and right now I can't handle that. I just got you back, and I don't want to fight already. I don't want problems. I just… I want us to be the Winchester kids again. Us against the world.
Dean moved to pull me away from him, but I tightened my grip and clung to him
"C'mon kiddo. I missed you. I missed our talks… you have no idea how bad I just want to talk to you."
I slowly released him and pulled back, looking at him as I did. His eyes, they were that same green I'd stared into my entire life… except there was something a little darker behind them. Something a little haunted. All of a sudden the curiosity struck me.
"What… what was it like?" I mumbled to him.
He stared at me for a while before answering.
"I don't remember."
I knew he was lying, but for Dean to lie to my face, it must be something he can't bear to talk about… and right now I kinda understand that so I didn't push.
"How did you get out?"
"Funny." He said raising his eyebrows. "I was gonna ask you that same question."
I let out a humorless laugh.
"Dean… I." I stopped when my voice cracked. "I did everything. EVERYTHING. I could to bring you back, and I failed. Over and over again. This wasn't me. I promise."
"You didn't sell your soul? You didn't make a deal to bring me back?" He asked specifically.
"I tried." I whispered.
"You what?!"
"I tried Dean." I said weakly, feeling the anger roll off his shoulders. "They wouldn't take me. I begged them. I threatened them, and I killed them to make my point. But no one would make the deal."
"You swear?"
"Yes. Dean, I swear."
"What happened with Sam?"
My face cringed just hearing the question. One of the many I dreaded hearing during this 'talk' of ours. I ran my hand through my hair and looked down at my feet. Guilt rolling into my stomach like a tidal wave.
"Emily. Tell me what happened with Sam."
I looked up and met eyes with Bobby, who I know was pushing me to tell Dean the truth. Tell him about how Sam hit me. Left me lying in the dirt. But I can't.
"I don't know… he just. Left."
"Nothing happened? He just up and left?" Dean asked, obviously not buying it. I briefly caught Bobby rolling his eyes.
"Look Dean he did it before, does it honestly surprise you?"
"Yeah Em. It does… we talked this thing out. He was gonna be here. You and him were gonna be okay. We had a plan! And I can't see him just running out on the plan."
"Well he did! Okay?! He left. And just like when he left for Stanford he didn't bother to answer a single fucking phone call! Didn't bother to let us know where he was or if he was alive, he just disappeared! So if you wanna know why then take that up with him." My words were broken sobs by the end of it. The guilt. The pain of losing Sam. The fear of Dean finding out the truth. All of it battling in my head. Dean reached up and wiped my cheeks, rubbing them with his thumbs, I pulled in one long breath and paused before letting it drag out, calming me again.
"We'll deal with Sam later, okay?"
I nodded.
"How about we talk about what happened last night?" He asked softly.
"Its all fuzzy." I half lied. Yeah. Its fuzzy… but I know what I did. I know I took something, I just don't know what. And I know what I was doing in that bar. Speaking of that bar… Chase is gonna be pissed. I need to text him fast. Tell him I got sick or something.
"What do you remember?"
"I don't know."
Dean sighed, I could tell he was getting frustrated.
"Emily, you and I both know that you're hiding something here. Why were you at that bar last night?"
"I. I've been working there." … Sorta.
"Why didn't you tell me that's where you were working?" Bobby asked cutting in.
"I didn't think you'd let me keep the job." I replied.
"Well you're right about that. Darling do you know what goes on in that place?"
"More than you know." I whispered.
"What happened last night Em?" Dean asked.
"I just… I must have taken something not realizing what was in it or something."
"Yeah, ya see I don't think that's true." Dean said his eyes boring into mine. "Em, when we were taking you home last night you were talking about things. About someone being mad at you? About taking things. Needing them?"
I started to feel the panic climb up in my throat, I was frozen. Bobby and Dean both staring at me. I didn't know what to say. How to get out of this one… I'm fucking busted.
"Em?" Dean pushed.
I panicked and got up, turning to walk and go up the stairs.
"Emily wait! Where are you going?!" Dean said as he chased after me.
"I. I gotta go… I, he's gonna be mad. I can't… I have to tell him I'm sorry."
"Who?" Dean asked grabbing me by my shoulders and spinning me around to face him. I could feel the words crawling up my throat like vomit. Unstoppable.
"I. Chase… he. He's gonna be mad! I left without permission, and-and he might have saw you touch me. He doesn't like it when people touch me! If-if I don't go back then he won't give them to me anymore… I. I need them Dean! I'm so sorry!"
"Whoa whoa whoa, Emily what are you talking about?! What the hell is them?"
I looked away from him, self hate and shame taking over.
"The pills." I whispered.
"The what?!" He asked angry, a look of shock on his face… I fell into sobs, only being held up by Dean's arms around me. I didn't want to tell him… I didn't, but I couldn't stop the words from pouring out of my mouth. "Emily look at me!" He demanded.
"Are you on drugs?" He asked barely above a whisper. "Did you take something on purpose last night?"
"I'm sorry!" I cried. Over and over again. Dean held me, without asking anymore questions. Without saying another word. Until I eventually started to calm down, then he pulled back and held my face.
"Was that guy at the bar giving you the drugs? Is that why you were there?"
I nodded slowly. Seeing the anger in his eyes.
"Did he force you to have sex with him for drugs?"
"No."
"Did he ever touch you?" I tried to ignore the question, but Dean shook me slightly, pushing for one.
"Yes." I whispered. As soon as he had his answer he released me and stormed down the stairs.
"Dean wait! Dean! Please don't! He's gonna be really mad at me!" I cried chasing him down the steps.
"Emily he doesn't own you! You are not his property! Stay here with Bobby." He commanded before storming out the front door. I begged for him to stop, but he didn't. He peeled out of the drive way in Bobby's old car and disappeared into the dust.
"Emily…" Bobby's voice called from behind me. "Why did you lie to me?"
"I couldn't tell you the truth Uncle Bobby. You would have taken them away… you would have stopped me. I need them. They're the only thing that keeps me sane every day."
"I'm so disappointed in you." He said shaking his head, then he moved to leave the room.
I melted onto the floor and waited…
….
I must have dozed off but the sound of a car door slamming woke me quickly. I stood as I heard footsteps coming up the porch, Dean bursted through the door, breathing heavy. Blood covering his hands, splattered on his face and his shirt.
"Did you kill him?" I asked shakily.
"No. But I should have… upstairs now." He pushed as he walked towards me. He followed me into my room.
"Show me them. All of them."
"What?" I asked confused.
"The pills Em… I want them. Now." He huffed.
I hesitantly moved, pulling the first bag out of my duffle. The second bag, much smaller out of my pocket from last night's jeans. A third, hidden away under the mattress, and last but not least. The bottle that started it all.
He took them from my hands and began to walk back down the stairs. I followed in silence. He stormed into the kitchen and turned on the garbage disposal, emptying the first bag of pills down the drain. It almost physically hurt to watch. I tried to hold back the tears.
"Now wait a second boy!" Bobby said storming in and taking the remainder of the pills from his hands.
"What the hell Bobby?! They're drugs! I'm getting them out of this house!" Dean yelled.
"Shut up and listen!" Bobby yelled back. Then he spoke in a calm manner as he examined the pills. "Now do you know what these are?"
"They're drugs Bobby!"
"They're called benzodiazepines. And they're highly addictive. Now once you start taking these, you can't just quit cold turkey, you can die from it. The body can't tolerate the withdrawal."
"So what you want me to keep feeding her the damn pills? Want me to be her new drug dealer?!" Dean asked angrily.
"I'm saying we have to wean her off of them… we can't just trash them all."
"Fine!" Dean said slamming the switch to turn off the garbage disposal.
"How many were you taking a day?" Dean looked to me and asked. The anger on his face made me scared to answer. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. "Emily! Dammit how many?"
"F-five or six."
"God!" Dean scoffed loudly, spinning in a circle, his hand squeezing the bridge of his nose.
"You couldn't tell she was strung out?" He then turned and asked Bobby.
"Boy. Watch your tone with me… You don't know what it was like around here. You don't know what she was like… quite frankly I don't think even you would have noticed the difference between her grief and being high!"
"I… I can't even believe this." Dean scoffed again. I felt shame overtake me, and I slowly left the room, going back upstairs and locking the door behind me. Pulling out the one and only bag I didn't give Dean. Popping 2 of the pills and laying on the bed, wishing sleep would overtake me.
…..
(Third Person POV)
Dean continued to pace the kitchen, as Bobby sat down and counted out the number of pills that they had left, Dean had washed more than half down the sink before Bobby could stop him.
"We've got about 30 pills here, enough to wean her down. Should take a couple of weeks."
Dean continued to pace. Hearing Bobby but not responding.
"Dean. You gonna keep wearing holes in my floors or are you gonna sit down and help me figure this out?"
"How could you not notice this Bobby?" Dean finally stopped and asked. Bobby sighed. "How could you let this happen."
"Dean… We don't know when she started these, or how long she's been on em. These are things we need to know. You need to go talk to her. Calmly."
"I don't want to talk to her."
"Dammit Dean… don't you get it?! That girl is fucked up right now! Okay? She is broken, and all she was trying to do was find a way to fix herself. Now was it a shitty band aid? Hell yeah it was! But she's young and stupid, and if you think for a second this is the worst thing she's done since you've been gone then you're probably wrong."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
"I don't know, Dean. Why don't you go upstairs and ask her. Look, she was desperate to get you back. She was going to march into hell and fight for your life, and now that you're back she's so ashamed she can hardly look you in the eye. She needs you right now, Dean. Especially with Sam leaving… the way things went down."
"Why don't you elaborate on that Bobby?"
"Its not my place boy. That's between your siblings."
Dean considered Bobby's words, but he wasn't ready. Wasn't calm enough to approach the situation yet. So instead he wandered outside, where he found the beloved impala. He smiled, seeing her again. He walked and sat in the driver's seat, gripping the wheel between his hands. His eyes trailed and landed on the dreamcatcher hanging from the rearview mirror. The same one he bought and tucked away, he ran his fingers over the feathers, and he wondered what it was truly like over the last four months. It was obvious he was being lied to, that he wasn't being given the whole truth.
Could it have been as bad as they make it to be?
And where the hell is his brother in all of this? Or Judson. The dumb kid who he finally gained a liking to. Where are the people who promised to keep his sister safe? He continued to rifle through the random things in the impala, but he paused as he landed on a small folded piece of paper. He instantly recognized it as the letter he left for Emily, and then just as quickly he realized it was never opened.
He sighed and his eyes trailed up to the house, to the second story window on the right.
He then moved to climb out of the car and walk back into the house, note in hand he made his way up the stairs and towards Emily's room. He gently knocked, but there was no response. He pushed open the door and found her asleep on the bed. He sighed and walked over, sitting beside her and pushing her hair out of her face.
Bobby was right… she was so fragile. Like glass. When did she become so breakable? What has she done for the last four months? What happened to her. She began to stir awake and he hoped he might get some kind of an answer. She stretched and sighed, slowly opening her eyes, meeting them with Dean's. She swallowed, pulling her eyes back down.
"I'm sorry I was angry." Dean said.
"Its okay, I deserved it."
"Emily… what happened babygirl?"
"Everything was so hard." She whispered. "Too hard… I couldn't get up, I couldn't do anything. I needed help."
"When did you start taking them?"
"A couple of months before you died."
The answer took him by surprise. For two months, she took them while under HIS care. And not once did he notice… he suddenly felt guilty about yelling at Bobby for missing the signs.
"Where did you get them?"
"When you made me see the shrink on that asylum case a while back, the guy got me talking about my panic attacks. Said I relied on you too much… that these would help me. I just, held onto them. Forgot about them… but once I started them I couldn't stop."
"Why did you take them?"
"First it was just one here or there to help me sleep, and the closer it got to you going to hell, the more stressed out I felt. And my abilities were really touchy, and so I would take one to help relax, keep from destroying every place we went…"
"How did it turn into five or six a day sweetheart? That's a lot… do you realize you could have overdosed? You're lucky to still be alive."
"I'm sorry Dean." She sighed sitting up, they both sat back against the headboard and he wrapped an arm around her, she leaned into him, holding on for life. "Things just got worse… and I. I wanted to stop hurting, and the pills and the alcohol. It made me numb. It made getting up each day tolerable."
"How did you get mixed up with the guy at the bar?"
"I was running out. I had to find more… He. He told me if I kept the men at the bar spending money on me, that it would count as pay off for the pills. But. He had rules. I had to be there during certain hours. I wasn't allowed to leave. I wasn't allowed to speak to other people until I was given permission, and I wasn't allowed to let anyone but him touch me…"
"Why did you listen to him Em? You're smarter than that. I've never seen you let someone else control your life like that… and for it to be some dumbass guy?! You're so much better than that."
"But I haven't been that person lately Dean… I'm not." She paused picking her next words carefully. "I'm not the same person I used to be."
"Hey, look at me." Dean said pulling her face up. "You're still my Emily. No matter what you did, okay?"
"Dean. I… I did a lot of stupid things. Horrible things." Emily cried into him. He held her, rocking them back and forth. No matter what she said he knew it didn't compare to the things he had done during his time in hell. Nothing she did could make her lesser of a person. Not to him… not to a monster.
Dean carefully pulled the folded up piece of paper out of his pocket.
"You never opened this did you?"
Emily looked up, pulling the paper from his hands.
"I tried. A hundred times. Everytime I went to open it I stopped. I just… I couldn't. I was afraid of what it said."
Dean took it back from her and unfolded the worn down corners, letting the paper fold itself open. There were only a few words written on the inside.
"I'll always love you babygirl, don't let this life beat you. You're stronger than anything you face."
"Not so scary huh?" Dean joked.
Emily wondered if she had read these words months ago, would they have been enough to stop her from falling down the path that led her to be the blubbering mess she is right now? She sat up and pulled away form him, digging into the bedside drawer, when she turned back to face him she had another small bag of pills in her hand.
"Here." She whispered. "These are the last ones. I promise… I don't want them anymore."
Dean nodded in silence and took them from her hand. She laid back against him and they both drifted to sleep, for the first time in weeks, Emily felt like maybe. Just maybe there was hope for her to rip herself from the trench she'd dug.
…
(Emily's POV)
"Why did you bury me, anyway?" Dean asked as we sat around the table eating breakfast.
"I wanted you salted and burned. Usual drill. But... Sam wouldn't have it." Bobby replied.
"I didn't get a vote." I said shooting eyes at Bobby.
"Hey. That's my choice… not his." Dean corrected me. "And I'm glad Sam won that one."
"He said you'd need a body when he got you back home somehow. That's about all he said."
"What do you mean?"
I leaned in and listened as Bobby spoke.
"He was quiet that night… barely said a word. I assumed it was the shock."
"Dammit Sammy… whatever he did, it is bad mojo."
"Do you really think it was Sam? What makes you so sure?" I asked.
"You should have seen the grave site. It was like a nuke went off. And then there was this... this force, this presence, I don't know, but it, it blew past me at a fill-up joint. And then this." Dean stood and lifted his sleeve, revealing a large hand print scarred into his skin.
"What in the hell?" Bobby asked. I reached out and touched it, it felt like burned skin, but was healed as if it happened years ago.
"It was like a demon just yanked me out. Or rode me out."
"But why?" I asked.
"To hold up their end of the bargain." Dean sighed.
"You think Sam made a deal." Bobby asked.
"He didn't." I interrupted.
"How do you know?"
"When… When Judson and I summoned a demon at the crossroads she made the comment about seeing Sam. That he had summoned at the crossroads recently. But they wouldn't take him either."
"Demons lie Em." Dean said.
"Well. Lets find him and find out." Bobby added.
Dean began to dial the phone company, trying to get a trace on Sam's cell phone. I sat back and watched… wondering what kind of a mess Sam would be when we find him. Wondering if Sam is as fucked up as I am. Did he make the mistakes I made? Does he hurt the way I hurt?
"Yeah, hi, I have a cell phone account with you guys, and uh, I lost my phone. I was wondering if you could turn the GPS on for me… Yeah. Name's Wedge Antilles… Social is 2-4-7-4. Thank you." Dean spoke kindly into the phone, must be a woman on the other line.
"How'd you know he'd use that name?" Bobby asked.
"You kiddin' me? What don't I know about that kid?"
Dean opened the laptop, I stood behind him leaning over his shoulders as he searched for the phone signal. "Hey, Bobby? What's the deal with the liquor store? What, are your parents out of town or something?" Dean asked as he began pushing around empty liquor bottles.
"Like I said. Last few months ain't been all that easy."
"Right." Dean said locking eyes with me. Thankfully the laptop beeped and pulled our attention back. "Sam's in Pontiac, Illinois."
"Right near where you were planted." Bobby added.
"Right where I popped up. Hell of a coincidence, don't you think?"
We began to pack the impala, and Bobby reassembled whatever parts it was he removed so that I couldn't use it. Then a thought struck me..
"Bobby. I can't leave." I said looking up to him, his face was confused at first, but then it sank into realization.
"Shit. I almost forgot darling."
"Can't you just reverse it?" I asked.
"Reverse what?" Dean pipped in.
"We put Emily under a spell, so she couldn't run off again… if she goes outside of 20 miles of this house she becomes unconscious until she's returned."
"So then reverse it?"
"I can't." Bobby sighed. "It wasn't my blood that made the binding link."
"Oh fuck me!" I groaned lightly banging my head against my hand.
"Sorry darling, you're gonna have to call him."
"I'm not calling anyone! You call him!" I demanded.
"Who?" Dean interjected.
"Judson." Bobby sighed.
"OH." Dean's mouth formed an O shape and stayed that way for a moment. "So uh, I guess you guys ended badly?"
"What do you think?" I asked him sarcastically.
"Right. We'll call him." Dean nodded.
….
I sat on the couch, butterflies in my stomach, Judson and I haven't spoken in a few weeks… I miss him. Part of me wants to run to him and shove my lips against his. The other part wants to rub Dean being alive in his face. Wants to beat him senseless for standing in my way.
I bounced my knee incessantly. Until Dean's hand landed on top of it. Holding it down.
"Seriously? Its Judson… This guy and you have history. Why are you so nervous?"
"I don't know De." I sighed. "I just… I don't know."
Two knocks on the door. My heart froze and nearly leapt out of my chest. Bobby went to answer the door and I crushed my hand around Dean's arm. He jumped slightly at the intensity of it, I released and mouthed 'sorry'.
"Bobby. What's all this about?" Judson asked as he stepped through the door, but a moment later he looked up and to the left, where his eyes landed on Dean and I laying on the couch.
"Holy shit." He breathed. "Is… is this real?"
"Yeah. Its real." Dean said as he stood and walked over to Judson, reaching out his hand to shake it. Judson shook his hand, but his eyes burned a hole through my face the entire time.
I know what he's thinking. He thinks I did this…
"We need to break the spell, we've got some things we need to take care of." Bobby interrupted. Judson looked at him briefly and nodded. Then he looked back at me. He walked away from Dean and Bobby and stood a few feet from me.
"How'd you do it? Huh?"
"I didn't…" I whispered. Green daggers pierced my heart. The look in his eyes was by far the most intense I've ever seen. "We think it was Sam, that's why we need to leave."
"Sam? Did you talk to him?" Judson asked, his face suddenly calmer, concerned almost.
"No." I mumbled.
He glanced back at Dean, then at me, asking if he knew. I shook my head so slightly I'm sure Dean didn't even notice. Judson sighed.
"Okay, lets do this." He said walking into Bobby's study behind him and Dean. I stood and followed carefully. I watched Judson as he moved around the room, smooth and deliberate. He and Bobby set up the same ritual as before I assume, as I slept the first time.
"What do I need to do?" I asked.
Bobby handed me a small knife.
"Blood, just a little into the bowl."
I nodded and took the knife from him, I raised my arm and let the blade bite into my skin, just enough to trickle a few drops, and then I set it down and moved back. Dean quickly took my arm and held pressure against the new cut. Judson was next, he picked up the knife and sliced in through his hand, leaking much more than I had. Then he wrapped his hand with a bandage.
I don't know why I was so drawn to him. Like gravity. All I wanted was to be next to him.
Our eyes never fell as Bobby read the words needed to break the spell, at the end the contents of the bowl began to smoke, until they all turned black.
"Okay. That's it. We ready to go?"
"Yeah. Let's get going." Dean nodded.
"I'll meet you guys outside." I said as Judson leaned against the wall in the corner. Dean nodded and looked between us carefully before leaving the room.
"Are you going to tell him?" Judson asked as soon as we heard the front door shut.
"I don't know… I don't want to."
"Emily he's gonna find out what Sam did."
"Well I don't want to be the one to tell him."
"What else does he know?"
"… He found out about the pills."
"How?" Judson said moving closer to me, concern filling his face again.
"The guy at the bar… he gave me something the other night. It was this thick white powder. It made my mouth tingle, and burn. It was bitter, but sweet. Anyways. It must have been something bad cause I started hallucinating, and I called Bobby. And apparently while I was coming down off the high I said things, I basically sold myself out."
"What guy?" He asked.
"Just some guy."
"The guy who was giving you the pills?"
"How do you know that?"
"I know a lot of things… are you okay now?"
"Yeah. Dean has them all, he's weaning me off."
"Does he know I knew about them?"
"No. I thought I'd spare you that trouble…"
"Emily, you really didn't do this?"
"No. I didn't Judson… I was too busy getting high every day and forgetting about it."
He took three more steps forward. His hand reached up to stroke my face, and I laid it against his warm large palm.
"I miss you ya know." His voice soothed in my ears.
"I miss you." I whispered back.
His hands moved and found their way down my back, pulling my body against his. Oh how I missed this. I missed everything about this. I wanted so badly to feel his body against mine, nothing between us. No clothes. No fear. Only the purity of the way I felt when he touched me.
But the honking of a horn caused us to jump and pull apart.
"They're waiting on you."
"I know." I sighed, he moved to walk out of the room, I followed him outside. Where we began to walk separate directions, but something in me pulled me backwards, and I jogged slightly to catch up with him.
"Wait!" I called as I pulled on his arm. "Don't go far, please?"
He smiled slightly.
"I'm only one call away, promise."
I let him go and jogged to the impala, getting in the backseat as Judson climbed on his motorcycle and drove off. It was nice to see his bike again. Not that I don't love his truck. But you gotta love a guy on a bike.
"You two are disgusting." Dean rolled his eyes as he pulled out of the driveway. I smiled. I missed my brother. The brother that picked on me when it came to boys. The brother that always made me smile.
…
The hallway at the motel was dark, red, mood lighting if I had to guess. Usually these places that rent by the hour are used for means other than sleeping though. I trailed carefully behind Bobby and Dean. My stomach was filled with waves. Nerves. Guilt. Anxiety.
I miss Sam.
I'm angry at Sam.
I feel bad for hurting Sam.
But mostly, I just want Sam back. I want us to be a family again.
So with each knock Dean placed against the cheap wooden door my body tensed. I linked hands with Bobby, he looked down at my sympathetically. Squeezing my hand comfortably. I was happy he came with us, I was happy that he knew the truth, he truly understood the importance of this moment. How heavily it weighed on my shoulders.
The door began to open, but it was a woman.
"So where is it?" She asked in her bra and underwear.
"Where's what?" Dean asked confused, looking between Bobby and I before looking back to her.
"The pizza... that takes three people to deliver?"
"I think we got the wrong room." Dean chuckled, but then Sam stepped in the doorway from behind her. He looked… different. His eyes landed on Dean and his face fell.
"Heya, Sammy." Dean said stepping forward into the room, the woman quickly moved out of the way as we slowly moved forward, Sam taking a small step back. Suddenly Sam pulled a knife and swung at Dean, who blocked the hit easily. Bobby jumps in and holds Sam back, I quickly closed the door and leaned against it.
"Who are you?!" Sam screamed.
"Like you didn't do this?!"
"Do what?!"
"It's him. It's him. I've been through this already, it's really him." Bobby said as he struggled to keep hold of Sam. Sam slowly breaks free, shock overtaking his face.
"What..."
"I know. I look fantastic, huh?" Dean smiled. Sam's eyes glistened as he moved and embraced Dean, Dean held him, holding on tight as he could. Part of me wanted to join them, the other couldn't stop staring at Sam… how different he looked.
"So are you two like... together?" The girl asked form the corner confused.
"What? No. No. He's my brother." Sam corrected, and then his eyes fell on me. "And my sister."
"Uh... got it. I... I guess. Look, I should probably go." She said pulling on her clothes.
"Yeah. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Sorry."
"So, call me." She smiled as she pulled on the last of her clothes.
"Yeah. Yeah, sure thing, Kathy."
The woman's face fell.
"Kristy." She corrected before going out the door. I snorted to hold back a laugh, she shot me the bitch face on the way out.
"So tell me, what'd it cost?" Dean asked as quickly as the door shut.
"The girl? I don't pay, Dean." Sam smiled.
"That's not funny, Sam. To bring me back. What'd it cost? Was it just your soul, or was it something worse?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat waiting for the answer, I linked my arm through Bobby's. An anchor to keep me standing no matter how bad the answer is.
"You think I made a deal?"
"That's exactly what we think."
"Well, I didn't."
"Don't lie to me." Dean growled. "I already went through this with her! I will find out the truth."
"I'm not lying, wait… she didn't do this either?"
"So what now?" Dean cut him off. "I'm off the hook and you're on, is that it? You're some demon's bitch-boy? I didn't want to be saved like this."
"Look, Dean, I wish I had done it, all right?"
"There's no other way that this could have gone down. Now tell the truth!"
"I tried everything. That's the truth. I tried opening the Devil's Gate. Hell, I tried to bargain, Dean, but no demon would deal, all right? You were rotting in Hell for months. For months, and I couldn't stop it. So I'm sorry it wasn't me, all right? Dean, I'm sorry."
His words hit me straight in the gut… he'd done everything I had done. He tried deals. He tried opening the gate. Yet I look at him and I see someone stronger. Bigger. Better.
He looks like he went through the fucking extreme makeover show and I look like a fucking crackhead.
Why didn't he answer my calls? Why didn't he take me with him? If we set out to do the same damn things then why couldn't we do them together?! Why did he leave me!
… Why is better off without me?
I reached up and put pressure against my eyes, trying to shove the tears back from the edge of my eyes.
"It's okay, Sammy. You don't have to apologize, I believe you." Dean sighed.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm gladdened that Sam's soul remains intact, but it does raise a sticky question." Bobby added.
"If he didn't pull me out, then what did?" Dean asked.
"I don't know. But I need a beer." Sam said as he moved to get some from the fridge. Bobby moved to sit on the couch, Dean propped up against the dresser behind him and I kept myself pushed against the wall, watching. Listening. Waiting.
"So what were you doing around here if you weren't digging me out of my grave?" Dean asked as Sam handed him a drink, he passed me and moved to hand me a water, I simply shook my head, and he moved on to Bobby.
"Well, once I figured out I couldn't save you, I started hunting down Lilith, trying to get some payback."
"All by yourself. Who do you think you are, your old man?" Bobby asked sarcastically.
"Uh, yeah, I'm sorry, Bobby. I should have called. I was pretty messed up."
"I don't think I'm the one who deserves an apology here." Bobby replied. I looked down at the floor as I felt all 3 sets of their eyes on me. I really just wanted to disappear.
"Yeah. I know…" Sam said solemnly. "Em. I'm sorry. I nev-"
"Can we just talk about it later?" I cut him off… nervous to hear the truth finally hit Dean's ears. I don't know why but the thought of Dean finding out he hit me made me sick to my stomach.
"Anyways, uh, I was checking these demons out of Tennessee, and out of nowhere they took a hard left, booked up here."
"When?" Dean asked.
"Yesterday morning."
"When I busted out."
"You think these demons are here 'cause of you?"
"But why?" I asked finally joining the conversation.
"Well, I don't know – some badass demon drags me out and now this? It's gotta be connected somehow."
"How you feelin', anyway?" Bobby asked him.
"I'm a little hungry."
I laughed.
"No, I mean, do you feel like yourself? Anything strange, or different?"
"Or demonic? Bobby, how many times do I have to prove I'm me?"
"Yeah. Well, listen. No demon's letting you loose out of the goodness of their hearts. They've gotta have something nasty planned."
"Well, I feel fine."
"Okay, look, we don't know what they're planning. We got a pile of questions and no shovel. We need help." Sam interjected.
"I know a psychic. A few hours from here. Something this big, maybe she's heard the other side talking."
"Hell yeah, it's worth a shot." Dean nodded.
The boys all began to pack up and move things down to the impala. Bobby packed his things in the car Sam had been driving, he would drive out ahead of us and keep an eye out for Demons. I waited by the impala as Dean ran back up for the last bag, Sam however, didn't leave.
"So… is now a good time to talk?"
"I guess." I said looking down at my feet. Afraid to look up at him.
"Em. I'm sorry. I never should have put my hands on you like that. It… it eats me up every day."
"Yeah?" I said looking up at him, tears pushing their way to the surface. "Is that why you couldn't answer my calls? Couldn't bother to speak to me. Because it was just eating you alive?"
"You're right." He sighed. "I'm sorry. I should have called."
"Sam… you have no idea. What I've been through these last few months. You DITCHED me."
"I know, I'm sorry."
"Why couldn't you just take me with you?! I only wanted him back. Just like you! I fought like hell. I found the fucking key to the devil's gate and damn near ran to my death! While you what, did some workout videos? Got buff? Ran around fucking whores?"
"Emily stop! It wasn't like that!"
"Yeah? Coulda fooled me."
"… Why didn't you tell him?"
"Honestly? I felt guilty. I felt bad about the things I said to you… and I didn't want him to kick your ass. But now. I'm not feeling so fucking bad."
"Em I… I wanna fix this. Okay? Can we just. Forget it. All of it?"
I stared at him. He moved in to hug me, hold me. But I flinched, and stiffened. He hesitated, but tried again slowly.
Part of me wanted to shove him away, show him I wasn't okay with the things he did, that He can't just come back and things be okay, that there has to be some sort of.. of… penance!
But… instead. I cried into him.
"I can't just forget it." I whispered.
"I know." He sighed.
I heard Dean's footsteps coming down the steps and I quickly pulled away, moving to lay down in the backseat, curled against the seat, using Dean's jacket as a blanket and my bag as a pillow. This ride was going to be awkward enough. I didn't really care to be awake for it.
…..
(Third Person POV)
"So… You left huh?" Dean asked Sam once he was sure Emily was asleep in the backseat.
"Yeah. Dean. I did."
"What the hell man? You were supposed to keep her safe. We had a plan."
"Look Dean, when you died… it was hard. It was really hard. I just. She was so needy, and I just. I needed space to process and grieve, and I just wanted to find a way to kill Lillith. And I just… I don't know."
"She's ended strung out on pills." Dean told him solemnly. Sam looked up to him in hurt and surprise.
"What? Are you sure?"
"Yeah. The night I came back, some sleeze ball drug dealer she'd been running around with fed her cocaine. Probably laced the way she was tripping out. Then she told us about the pills. The ones she takes five or six times a day just get out of bed when the sun comes up."
Dean looked over and watched as Sam's face contorted.
"So again… you left?"
"I'm sorry Dean. I didn't know. I thought that with Judson and Bobby she'd be okay."
"Well she wasn't Sam. She ran off, Judson barely kept her alive while they were gone, then he had to trap her at Bobbys with some sort of spell! So she ran his ass off. Sam look at her! She's… She's a mess."
"I know Dean. I can see that." Sam sighed.
"Good. Now that we've got that out of the way I have a question, something that's been bothering me."
"What?"
"The night that I bit it. Or... got bit. How'd you make it out? I thought Lilith was going to kill you both."
"Well, she tried. But Em scared her off."
"What do you mean?"
"When she realized you were dying. She screamed. It was so loud. Then she became like this ball of… hell I don't even know. She just. Dean she damn near knocked the house down. Her eyes were bright red, and this weird fog or mist or something surrounded the room. Killed the hellhounds I think, and Lillith ran. Emily tried to kill her but she got away too quickly."
"She said she used the pills to keep her abilities under control sometimes. Were they bad?"
"Dean. She nearly ripped a demon to shreds just by looking at him."
Dean listened intently, glancing back at Emily's sleeping form as Sam spoke. Trying to imagine his little girl becoming the things Sam described.
"What about Ruby, where is she?"
"Dead. For now."
"So you been using your, uh, freaky ESP stuff Ruby talked about?"
"No."
"You sure about that? Well, I mean, now that you've got... immunity, whatever the hell that is... just wondering what other kind of weirdo crap you've got going on. You and Em both."
"Nothing, Dean. Look, you didn't want me to go down that road, so I didn't go down that road. It was practically your dying wish… As far as Em goes I don't know to be honest. Like you said I wasn't there."
"Yeah." Dean sighed.
…
Bobby knocked on the door and a beautiful woman answered it quickly, as if knowing we were there before we even knocked.
"Bobby!" She smiled, hugging him.
"You're a sight for sore eyes, Pamela." Bobby told her.
"So, these the kids?"
"Sam, Dean, Emily. This is Pamela Barnes, best damn psychic in the state."
"Hey." Dean gave her a flirty smile. I waved and Sam offered a slightly awkward 'hi'.
"Mmm-mmm-mmm. Dean Winchester. Out of the fire and back in the frying pan, huh? Makes you a rare individual."
"If you say so."
"Come on in." We all followed her into the house.
"So, you hear anything?" Bobby asked.
"Well, I Ouija'd my way through a dozen spirits. No one seems to know who broke your boy out, or why."
"So what's next?" I asked.
"A séance, I think. See if we can see who did the deed."
"You're not gonna... summon the damn thing here." Bobby asked nervously.
"No. I just want to get a sneak peek at it. Like a crystal ball without the crystal."
"I'm game." Dean smiled to her. She led us down to the basement where there was a small table, block cloth cover it. Pamela squatted down to gather supplies from a cabinet. There was a small tattoo across her back. Dean leaned forward to look at it, I slapped him.
"Who's Jesse?" Dean then asked her.
"Well, it wasn't forever." Pamela laughed.
"His loss."
"Might be your gain." She winked to him. I fake gagged. Dean then slapped me back.
"Dude, I am so in." He leaned over me and mumbled to Sam.
"Yeah, she's gonna eat you alive." Sam smiled back.
"Hey, I just got out of jail. Bring it."
"Ew!" I said moving away from them.
"You're invited too, grumpy." Pamela said as she walked back past Sam.
"You are NOT invited." Dean quickly corrected him.
After Pamela prepared the table she had us all sit in a circle around it.
"Right. Take each other's hands. And I need to touch something our mystery monster touched."
Pamela's hand reached for Dean but left under the table. Dean suddenly jumped.
"Whoa. Well, he didn't touch me there."
"Oh I will so leave." I warned closing my eyes annoyed.
"Sorry Emily." Pamela winked to me.
Dean lifted his sleeve to reveal the handprint. Pamela laid her hand across it.
"Okay. " Pamela said as she closed her eyes. We all followed suit.
"I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle."
"I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle."
"I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle."
"I invoke, conjure, and command... Castiel? No. Sorry, Castiel, I don't scare easy."
"Castiel?" Dean asked.
I opened my eyes and watched as she continued to call to him.
"Its name. It's whispering to me, warning me to turn back."
"I conjure and command you, show me your face."
"I conjure and command you, show me your face."
"I conjure and command you, show me your face."
"I conjure and command you, show me your face."
The room began to shake violently. I felt my nerves coming on end. I felt like my entire body was vibrating.
"Maybe we should stop." Bobby asked.
"I almost got it." Pamela shouted.
"I command you, show me your face!"
"Show me your face now!"
Suddenly the flames on the candles increased and Pamela began to scream in pain. Her eyes opened but glowed white. I panicked and released whoever was beside me, scrambling away from them and the table. Soon Pamela's screams stopped and she collapsed. The room fell silent again. Bobby caught Pamela as she fell and Dean moved back to check on me.
"Call 9-1-1!" Bobby yelled. Sam scrambled for his phone.
"I can't see! I can't see! Oh god!" Pamela cried.
"Dean what just happened." I asked shakily.
"I don't know Em."
Pamela turned her head briefly towards the sound of our voices, her eyes were gone. Blood red in the sockets. I screamed, hiding my face in Dean's jacket.
…..
"What'd Bobby say?" Dean asked as the waitress walked away from our table and Sam hung up the phone.
"Pam's stable. And out of I.C.U."
"And blind, because of us." I shuddered, picturing her face.
"And we still have no clue who we're dealing with." Sam sighed.
"That's not entirely true." Dean replied.
"No?"
"We got a name. Castiel, or whatever. With the right mumbo-jumbo we could summon him, bring him right to us."
"You're crazy. Absolutely not." Sam told him sternly.
"We'll work him over. I mean, after what he did?"
"Pam took a peek at him and her eyes burned out of her skull, and you want to have a face to face?" I asked him.
"You got a better idea?"
"Yeah, as a matter of fact I do." Sam interrupted. "I followed some demons to town, right?"
"Okay?"
"So, we go find them. Someone's gotta know something about something."
The waitress reappeared with 3 plates, each containing one piece of pie.
"Thanks." Sam smiled politely. She then proceeded to sit down at the chair at the end of the table.
"You angling for a tip?" I asked her.
"I'm sorry. Thought you were looking for us." She asked as her eyes turned to black. "Dean. To hell and back. Aren't you a lucky duck."
I tensed and tightened a grip on Dean's arm. As if they were here to steal him from me. I was automatically on full alert, and with the decreased amount of pills in my system I could feel that familiar burn in my veins.
"That's me." Dean replied with a growl.
"So you get to just stroll out of the pit, huh? Tell me. What makes you so special?"
"I like to think it's because of my perky nipples." He joked. "I don't know. Wasn't my doing, I don't know who pulled me out."
"Right. You don't."
"No. He doesn't." I spat back quickly.
"Lying's a sin, you know."
"I'm not lying. But I'd like to find out, so if you wouldn't mind enlightening me?" Dean asked sarcastically.
"Mind your tone with me, boy. I'll drag you back to hell myself."
A fire lit within me somewhere and I reached up, her face contorted into pain and the veins around her face began to glow bright red.
"If you touch him I swear I'll rip you from the inside out."
"Em, stop." Dean whispered in my ear. I dropped my hand and watched her try to recollect herself.
"No, you won't." Dean smiled to her. "Because if you were you would have done it already. Fact is, you don't know who cut me loose. And you're just as spooked as we are. And you're looking for answers. Well, maybe it was some turbo-charged spirit. Or, uh, Godzilla. Or some big bad boss demon. I'm guessing at your pay grade that they don't tell you squat. Because whoever it was, they want me out. And they're a lot stronger than you. So go ahead. Send me back. But don't come crawling to me when they show up on your front doorstep with some Vaseline and a fire hose."
"I'm going to reach down your throat and rip out your lungs." She leaned in and whispered to him. I moved to kill her, but Dean held me back. Then he pushed himself forward to be face to face with her. Challenge in his eyes. But the demon did nothing, and quickly her mask of confidence began to shake.
"That's what I thought. Let's go." Dean said as he stood, pulling me close beside him. Sam walking directly to my left. Dean paused, grabbing some money out of his pocket, and dropping on the table in front of the waitress to add insult to injury.
"For the pie." He winked to her. We quickly exited the building.
"Holy crap, that was close." Dean said as he pushed me ahead of him on the sidewalk.
"We're not just going to leave them in there, are we, Dean?" I asked shocked.
"Well yeah, there's three of them, probably more, and we've only got one knife between us."
"I've been killing a lot more demons than that lately." I reminded him.
"Not anymore – you don't need to use that stuff unless its an emergency."
"Dean. She's right. We've gotta take em. They're dangerous."
"They're scared. Okay? Scared of whatever had the juice to yank me out. We're dealing with a bad mofo here. One job at a time."
"Whatever Dean." I sighed.
….
Noise.
Loud noise. Radio frequency, TV static. Ringing in my ears.
I began to come out of my sleepy state, noting Dean beside me also waking up, I looked over to Sam's bed, it was empty.
What the hell?
"Dean?" I asked nervously. He reached over and grabbed his shot gun, I pulled my pistol off the bedside table.
The noise began to increase, getting louder and louder, until it was piercing and screeching in my ears. I screamed and tried to cover my ears, but it didn't help. In the midst of trying to keep the pain from piercing my ears I rolled off the bed. Dean landing on top of me, also screaming.
The noise only continued to get louder, and then glass shattered all above us.
I thought my head might explode, I could feel warm sticky blood, coming from my ears.
"Dean! Em!" Bobby's voice cut in through the pain, suddenly someone was dragging me off the floor and pushing me out the door, away from the loud sound.
Once we were in the car and driving away I finally began to get my hearing back.
"How you doing kids?"
"Other than the church bells ringing in my ears, peachy." Dean groaned.
"I'm fine. Just a headache." I sighed from the backseat, trying to keep my eyes closed. "Where is Sam?"
"I don't know. I'll call him."
"Put him on speaker." I said leaning up. Dean dialed and we waited.
"Hey." Sam finally answered.
"What are you doing?" Dean asked him.
"Couldn't sleep, went to get a burger."
Since when does Sam get hungry for a burger in the middle of the night?
"In my car?"
"Force of habit, sorry. What are you doing up?"
"Well, uh, Bobby's back. We're going to grab a beer."
Bobby and I exchanged surprised looks before shooting them at Dean, who held up his finger at us.
"All right, well, uh, spill some for me, huh?"
"Done. Catch you later."
Dean hung up the phone quickly.
"Why the hell didn't you tell him what just happened?" I asked.
"Because he just tried to stop us."
"From what?"
"Summoning this thing. It's time we faced it head-on."
"You can't be serious!" Bobby yelled.
"As a heart attack. It's high noon, baby."
"Dean! You just got back, are you seriously trying to die again?!" I yelled at him, mostly because my hearing is still off and I have to yell to hear myself.
"We don't know what it is. It could be a demon, it could be anything." Bobby added.
"That's why we've got to be ready for anything. We've got the big-time magic knife, you've got an arsenal in the trunk, and as much as I don't like it. We've got Emily."
"This is a bad idea." I sighed as I leaned back against the seat.
"Yeah, I couldn't agree more, but what other choice do we have?"
"We could choose life." Bobby offered.
"Bobby, whatever this is, whatever it wants, it's after me. That much we know, right? I've got no place to hide. I can either get caught with my pants down again, or we can make our stand."
"Dean, we could use Sam on this." I said leaning forward.
"Nah, he's better off where he is."
"… So you could tell he was lying to?" I asked carefully. Dean just shared a disappointed look with me.
Bobby drove us to an empty warehouse outside of town where we were able to set everything up without fear of being interrupted. I was nervous, but I also knew Dean was right. We have to know what we're dealing with. And no matter what it is. I'll fight like hell before I let them take him away again.
"I still think this is a bad idea." Bobby mused as he finished drawing whatever part of the ritual he painted all over the concrete floor.
"Yeah Bobby. I heard you the first ten times." Dean sighed. "What do you say we ring the dinner bell?"
Bobby nodded and began chanting the word out of the small black book he used to draw the patterns on the floor. I linked my hand in Dean's and damn near held my breath waiting for Bobby to finish.
Once he did I closed my eyes. Waiting. Getting focused so that I could attack as needed.
But nothing was happening?
"You sure you did the ritual right?" Dean asked, Bobby shot him bitchface. "Sorry. Touchy, touchy, huh?"
As if on cue a loud rattling begins, shaking the roof, Dean lifted the knife and Bobby his shotgun. I felt the surge of fear or panic, getting myself ready to attack anything that was fixing to come.
"Wishful thinking, but maybe it's just the wind." Dean asked, I rolled my eyes at him. Suddenly the doors bust open, and a man in a suit and coat stood at the other end of the warehouse, he began to walk forward and with every step he took the lights above him shattered, leaving him hiding in the shadows. Dean prepared for a fight the closer the man got, until we were able to see his face.
"What the fuck?" I mumbled.
He looks like a fucking tax preparer or some shit?
"Who are you?" Dean asked.
"I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition."
"Yeah. Thanks for that." Dean said before rearing back and plunging the knife into the man's chest, but nothing happened. The man simply looked down at the knife unconcerned and pulled it out, dropping it to the floor, Bobby shoves forward to attack him, but the man took his weapon and threw it down, then tapped Bobby's forehead, causing him to crumple to the ground.
"Bobby!" I yelled.
"He is unharmed. We need to talk Dean. Alone."
"No, please… please don't take him back!" I yelled stepping in front of Dean.
The man narrowed his eyes at me slightly, then looked back to Dean.
"Do you accept responsibility for her? Do you want her present for this discussion?"
"Yes! Yes, now who the hell are you?!" Dean asked putting his hand on my shoulder, pulling me back away from the man.
"Castiel."
"Yeah, I figured that much, I mean what are you?"
"I'm an Angel of the Lord."
"Holy Fuck." I whispered, and then instantly wondered if It was a sin to say holy and fuck in the same sentence?
"There's no such thing." Dean replied.
"This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith."
Lightning flashed and large shadows of wings appeared, stretching across the width of the building, surrounding the man in the trench coat.
"Holy. Fuck." I said again. The angel looked down at me, as if he didn't understand the words coming out of my mouth, for some stupid reason I moved to bow my head? Like what the fuck? Did I think he was fucking emperor or some shit?
Do you bow to angels?
Dammit I feel dumb.
"Some angel you are. You burned out that poor woman's eyes."
"I warned her not to spy on my true form. It can be... overwhelming to humans, and so can my real voice. But you already knew that."
"You mean the gas station and the motel. That was you talking?"
The angel nodded.
"Buddy, next time, lower the volume." I laughed slightly.
"That was my mistake. Certain people, special people, can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them, especially you Emily. I was wrong."
"Why would I-" I began to ask, but Dean cut me off.
"And what visage are you in now, huh? What, holy tax accountant?"
Hey! That's what I was thinking!
"This? This is... a vessel."
"You're possessing some poor bastard?"
"He's a devout man, he actually prayed for this."
"Well, I'm not buying what you're selling, so who are you really?" Dean demanded.
"Dean! Don't piss him off." I warned.
"I told you." Castiel frowned.
"Right. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?
"Good things do happen, Dean."
There was something extremely genuine in his eyes. In the way he spoke to Dean. Everything in my heart wanted to cling to the words coming out of his mouth. That something good HAD finally found the Winchesters.
"Not in my experience." Dean said interrupting my hopeful thoughts.
"What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?"
Yes. He does. A thousand times over again. So why does his face display that broken look?
"Why'd you do it?"
"Because God commanded it. Because we have work for you."
Before Dean or I could speak another word the angel disappeared.
Bobby began to stir awake, Dean instantly went down to help him stand.
"What the hell was that thing?"
"An angel." I said. Still staring at the spot where he stood. Still feeling a new wave of hope overtake me. For the first time in my life. I feel like things are going to get truly better for us. Working in God's name? Speaking with angels.
I could hardly believe that what I just saw was real. But when I look up at Dean, he looks so defeated. Confused. And for the life of me, I can't understand why?
…..
As soon as we got back to Bobby's I called Judson… I felt like I needed to talk. To ramble. To vent. To talk to someone who's been here for the last 4 months. Someone who understands where I've been. Where I'm coming from.
So I sat on the porch swing, mindlessly using, the ball of my feet to push back and forth, headlights in the distance caught my attention. I watched as they drove up the drive way, and then as the truck parked and out stepped Judson.
The way he moved. The way he walked. The way he looked at me.
Everything in me just wanted to run to him, but I resisted.
"Hey." He said as he walked up to the porch.
"Hi."
"So, did you find Sam?"
"Yeah. We did." I said, feeling the emotion from the eventful couple of days build up in my throat.
"And?"
"And…" I stopped, trying to prevent my voice from breaking. "He looks amazing. He looks like the last few months have been fucking fantastic for him."
I reached up and wiped a budding tear before it got its chance to fall. Judson quickly noticed and moved to sit beside me, his armed draped comfortably behind me. I leaned into him.
"I'm sorry baby." He said as he leaned over and kissed my temple.
"I don't understand." I cried. "Why did I turn into a monster and he's fine? Hell he's better than fine!"
"I don't know Em."
"So, did we find out how Dean got out of hell."
"Yeah." I said pulling up so I could see the look on his face as I said the words. "An angel."
"I'm sorry?"
"A fucking angel Judson! It was amazing!"
"… An angel? Are you sure about that Em?"
"Yes! I swear! You can go in there and ask Dean! It said that it yanked him out of hell to do work for God. I just… It was amazing. I kinda can't believe it actually happened. Its like the miracle I begged for every day."
"Yeah." He said cautiously.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Judson… why is it I'm the only one who is happy about this? You don't think this is good?"
"Its just… crazy. I just gotta process the information. Angels are a new one for me."
"We didn't tell Dean… about the Sam thing."
"What? Why not?"
"… I don't know. I guess I still felt a little guilty. About the things I said."
"Emily, I've told you a hundred times. It doesn't matter what you said. What he did was NOT okay! Dean should know about this. You and I both know its going to come out later, and that later might be a really bad time for a distraction that big."
"I just… I just want us to all be together again. I'm just happy he's back."
"I know sweetheart. I know. How are you doing with weaning off the pills?"
"They're letting me have two a day right now. One in the morning. One at night."
"Are you handling that okay?"
"I feel kinda edgy during the day. Kinda anxious, and my abilities are a little sensitive."
"You'll get there babe."
"… Is it wrong if I'm still kinda mad at you? And Sam… and. I don't know. I just kinda feel like I'm all over the place."
"No Em. You've been through a lot. Its okay to still be mad. I kinda figured you would be anyways."
"He's back Judson. He's really back. I'm not dreaming am I? This isn't gonna be some sick joke that I wake up from?"
"Hey look at me." He said, his hand pulling my chin to face him. His lips touched mine, and the shiver it sent down my spine. He held me there for only a moment before pulling away. "Does that feel real? Or do you still think you're dreaming?"
"I think you should do it again."
He chuckled and leaned in, letting my mouth explore his. God how I missed this… missed him. Missed the taste, the touch, the way my body molds against his.
"Dean's gonna be pissed if he catches us." He pulled away and reminded me after a few minutes.
"Whyyyyy…." I moaned.
"Lets just sit for a while babe. You've had a crazy day, you need some rest."
He was right. It has been a crazy day. And I felt like I was all over the board. I was angry at him, angry at Sam. Yet I wanted to cling to him, and I worried for Sam. I was unwilling to be more than 10 feet away from Dean, but felt odd because I was just adjusting to being on my own.
I just… I don't know what to expect. The next thing that happens could be the best, or worst, thing that's ever happened.
…
(Third Person POV)
Dean sat and contemplated the days events.
Angels.
He could only scoff at the idea that God wanted him saved.
So instead he wondered what had truly happened to his brother and sister in the last 4 months. He could tell that they were both holding back. Neither sharing the whole truth. He also knew that if they were going to be on the road again, hunting. That they needed to trust each other, and secrets were what got people killed in this business.
He moved from the couch, and walked out the front door, finding Emily asleep on Judson's shoulder.
"You should take her upstairs. We need to talk."
"Is this where you cut my dick off? Cause seriously we were just talking." Judson added sarcastically. Dean shot him a bitchface that topped even Sam's best.
"Right. Not in a joking mood. Got it." Judson said as he stood and carried Emily inside, placing her on the bed, covering her and quietly leaving the room again and going down to speak with Dean.
"Alright. Lets talk." He said as he stepped out the door.
"Let's go for a ride." Dean said, walking towards the impala. Judson carefully followed him, realizing that this talk was probably going to decide a lot of how things were going to precede from here. He got into the passenger side of the impala and Dean waited till they were out of the driveway to turn on the headlights and punch the gas.
"So, you've been with her for the last four months?"
"With the exception of the last three weeks. Yeah."
"I'm not concerned with the last three weeks, I've already taken care of the guy at the bar. I'm concerned with what the hell happened to my girl back there."
Judson sighed deeply, worrying that if he didn't tell the truth that it would permanently dent his relationship with all three of the Winchesters. But knowing that telling him the truth, the whole truth. Would have its consequences as well.
"A lot."
"Well good. You can start with the night I died."
"… What do you want to know." Judson asked, giving up on trying to beat around the bush. Dean looked away from the road and lifted his eyebrows.
"Everything."