–The Smudge–
When Andy opened her eyes she was staring right at Lu, mere inches away. Milo was pressed against her back, his morning wood poking her. Light poured in through the thin curtains but it was still early. On the other side of the pillow she was holding Lu's pinkie finger which was hooked around her own, still seeking small intimacies.
Lu stirred in her sleep and Andy shook her arm a little, glad when Lu opened her eyes. ''What?'' Lu asked groggily. She had gotten far too little sleep to be coherent this early. She blinked a few times, her eyes finally focusing on Andy. She buried her face in her pillow and yawned before looking back, ''morning.''
Andy frowned, ''are you okay?'' Lu's eyes were red and puffy, not a good sign. She wiped some hair away from Lu's face, giving her a small smile.
''Yeah, fine,'' Lu said, stretching. She was trying not to pay mind to Milo's arm slung around Andy, his hand brushing against her hip when she moved. She missed how it had been the past weekend. She didn't miss Sarah flirting so subtly that Lu didn't doubt Andy hadn't noticed it; she didn't miss the awkward moments with Liz, knowing that she knew what was going on while Andrew remained oblivious; she certainly didn't miss the tense drive home. But waking up next to Andy, just the two of them. Being able to pretend that theirs was a normal relationship, not something that was only able to happen because someone – Milo – had given them permission… she would never not want that.
Andy threw her pillow over Lu to the floor, not wanting any barriers between them. ''Talk to me.'' She figured that for Lu anything was easier to talk about than her rape and since she had opened up about that…
Lu knew that the smudge they had seen on the ultrasound was still at the forefront of Andy's mind and she didn't want to burden her with her own issues before making sure everything was okay. She ignored Andy's question. ''Maybe we can do your ultrasound over lunch?'' When Andy groaned she sighed, ''I know you don't like the idea of me being your doctor but it's just one ultrasound.''
''One?''
''One,'' Lu promised. ''Who's your OB anyway?''
''Pasternak,'' Andy said, she laughed at the face Lu was making, ''what? She's nice.'' She knew Lu and Dr. Doris Pasternak had met in the past but didn't know of any beef between the two women.
''Yeah, and she also does c-sections when she wants to go home early.'' Lu said, remembering what she had been told. Pasternak
''She does not!'' Andy said in disbelief, ''does she?'' The look on Lu's face gave her all the confirmation she needed, still, she pursed her lips, ''says who?''
Lu raised her eyebrows, a small smile on her lips, ''I have my sources,'' she said in a singsong manner.
''So, Peter?'' Andy guessed.
Lu huffed – yeah, Andy was right, but she had other sources than that too. ''They worked together on a patient a few years ago. Pasternak needed to go pick her husband up from the airport so she did a c-section, there were complications…'' Post-partum hemorrhaging which had resulted in a hysterectomy.
''Why didn't you report this?'' Andy asked in disbelief. Yeah she had heard of other obstetricians doing this, she had even met some of them, but she had no idea this was going on at Rittenhouse and she couldn't believe no one would sound the alarm.
''Oh, come on, who are they going to believe?'' Lu said. While she had no trouble believing Peter it was clear that between him – as a nurse who was already seen as a bit odd due to his use of herbal medicine – and Dr. Pasternak – who was highly regarded doctor… – it was clear which one would get the boot between the two of them.
Andy sighed, knowing Lu was right. She rolled onto her back, one hand on her bump. She looked at Milo as she thought it over for a second, before looking back at Lu. ''Okay, if Milo can make it, then yeah let's just do it over lunch.''
''Great.'' Lu gave Andy a peck on the lips before jumping out of bed.
''Where are you going?'' Andy protested, reaching her hand out for Lu, preferring her warmth over the empty bed next to her.
Yeah, Milo had invited her to sleep in their bedroom that night but Lu felt like she was overstaying her welcome – it was she who had come up with the rule not to go into each other's bedroom after all. ''I'm gonna catch up on some zzzs in my own bed,'' she said, ''we will talk later.''
The kinda joking (but not quite) tone of voice Lu had confused Andy, ''we will?''
''Oh we will, miss 'got nominated for surgeon general but didn't tell anyone about it','' Lu said, waving goodbye over her shoulder. Before she brought it up again she had to make up her mind how she felt about it. On the one hand she could see how it had been a kind gesture; becoming surgeon general would endanger their relationship so Andy had turned it down because of that with no argument whatsoever. But to not even once mention it… she wasn't too thrilled about that.
Milo stirred next to Andy, ''wa's happening?'' He asked drowsily, burying his face in her hair.
''Lu just left,'' Andy said, turning around and immediately hating the distance her baby bump put between them. She kissed him on the lips, hoping they could have some intimacy before they had to get up for work. The previous night both had been too tired and had just been glad to be able to fall asleep together again. She stroked his cheek, the stubble rough against her hand but it didn't bother her.
''Hmm, alone at last, huh?'' He asked, his eyes still closed. Andy was kissing his neck, her hand moving down his body, squeezing him softly through his boxers. He groaned, rolling onto his side and kissing her, bringing her face to his own with a finger beneath her chin. His hand moved beneath her top, taking it off of her, enjoying the feel of her soft, warm skin pushed up against his own.
''Seems that way,'' she said, moving down his body and leaving kisses along the way. She pulled his boxershorts off, tossing them on the floor, and took him in her hand. Milo's hand was on her cheek as she stroked him, she was about to finally put her lips on him when he pulled her back up. She narrowed her eyes at him when they were face-to-face, ''what's wrong?''
''Nothing,'' he whispered, pulling her on top of him, ''I just want to be inside you.'' He missed their long make out sessions and loved when they spent a long-time making love but he knew their time was limited this morning, they only had a half an hour before they had to go get ready for the day, and he would rather spend that time with her wrapped around him than her spending time making him come and him then not having time to return the favor.
Andy smiled at him. His hands were on her arms, moving them up and down, warming her up, until one came to land on a particularly painful spot. The dark bruise her dad had left on her contrasting with her skin, and she could see the concern on Milo's face. ''Don't worry about it,'' she said.
''I wish I had been there,'' Milo said, ''I won't let him hurt you again.''
''He's not going to get the chance to,'' Andy said. As far as she was concerned, he was out of her life permanently. If he couldn't keep his hands to himself – and worse than that, not accept that she, Milo, and Lu were a package deal – then Andrew March had no business being in her life.
''Good.''
Her leg swung over Milo's hip, sitting squarely on his lap, his dick poking her. She moved her hand down, pushing her underwear to the side and guided him inside her. It had been too long. As in, it had been over a week which was unacceptably long as far as she was concerned.
That opinion had been formed a long time ago and was doubly true now that she was pregnant.
Both Milo and Lu were constantly on her mind; Milo's toned body, just a hint of abs, his sarcastic sense of humor even. Lu with her long legs and hourglass figure, her passion for her work and the people she loved making her all the more attractive.
Andy couldn't express how lucky she felt that she got to be with both of them, even if it wasn't always smooth sailing. They put up with her mistakes as she was still learning how to be a good partner to both, her indecision on how to move forward… it made her feel guilty that she hadn't appreciated them as much as they deserved.
She could feel Milo shift beneath her, making it hard for her to think and reflect, as he was getting impatient. She leaned on him, one hand on his chest, as she started riding him, a slow tempo. It wasn't as easy since with every week that past, her bump only grew bigger.
Milo watched her in amazement. He didn't think she could get more beautiful but with her now carrying his child he was blown away by his love for her. He had always been attracted to her – even when he was still with his ex-wife, and she with Les –, just her dropping her clothes was enough to get him hard, but her new curves were really pushing him over the edge.
Watching her on top of him, her body glistening with sweat, the growing ecstasy on her face… it was difficult for him to hold himself back.
When she finally collapsed on top of him, both their hearts beating fast, their minds foggy, he wrapped his arms around her; glad to finally have her back in his bed and in his arms, and not wanting to ever let go.
Despite warning women every day that the jelly they needed for the ultrasound was cold, Andy still jumped a little when Lu squirted it onto her belly.
Andy had been anxious all morning – or actually, since the moment Lu had handed her her copy of the first ultrasound. She didn't even want to look at the screen now, knowing that after years of analyzing other women's ultrasounds for possible congenital problems she'd do the same to her own child now.
Her hand was in Milo's as he stood next to her, behind Lu, both of them peering at the ultrasound.
''Please tell me nothing's wrong,'' Andy begged, knowing that the next few minutes and the news they would bring were going to affect the rest of her life. She could see a smile appear on Milo's face as he walked to the other side of her, ''oh my god,'' she whispered, reading his face like a book. He raised an eyebrow at her, ''you know what we're having, don't you?''
''I know nothing,'' he said, holding up his hands before grabbing one of hers.
''Are we having a girl?'' Andy asked, ignoring his statement completely. ''I mean, that smile can only mean one thing.'' From the start he had been saying they were going to have a girl, to now have been proven right was pretty much the only thing that could lead to the obvious glee on his face.
Before Milo got a chance to respond – undoubtedly to once again claim ignorance – a quick thumping sound filled the room. ''That's the baby's heartbeat,'' Lu said, relieved by the fact that it sounded strong and healthy. She moved the probe to the other side, cutting the sound of for a second before it came back strong, ''and that, that is the smudge's heartbeat.''
Andy's jaw dropped, ''twins?'' Lu was beaming back at her and she looked over at Milo, a wide grin on his face, ''twins?'' She asked again, needing one of them to for sure confirm this news to her.
Lu nodded, ''you're having two babies.'' She changed the angle of the monitor so Andy could see, pointing both babies out, ''this is the one you saw on the first ultrasound,'' she said, pointing out the baby that was more in the front and slightly bigger, ''and this was the smudge that we saw,'' she said, pointing out the baby that was more towards the back and smaller than their sibling.
Andy stared at the far too small screen in disbelief, ''are they okay?''
''They both seem pretty healthy.'' Lu would take measurements later and do a more thorough exam but at first glance both babies seemed fine – and the smaller one still had plenty of time to catch up in size. ''But you know what I'm going to say,'' she said to Andy who was cursed with the knowledge that not many expectant mothers had.
''I know, I know, it's a high-risk pregnancy,'' Andy said. They both knew what that meant; the risks involved – which had just skyrocketed with it being twins –, the possibility of having to go on bed rest, complications which could lead to preterm labor… The statistics were frightening but she would do everything in her power to keep the babies safe. She could feel Milo's hand in her own and she looked up at him, knowing that he would support her no matter what.
''Should we schedule an amniocentesis?'' Milo asked, figuring it was better to know sooner rather than later if there was something wrong.
''Yeah, I'll take care of it,'' Andy said, taking a paper towel from Lu and wiping her stomach clean, her eyes following Milo's hand as he reached for his beeper which was going off loudly.
Milo read the page and sighed, ''I have to go,'' he said, kissing Andy on the cheek, ''I'll call you later.''
He was out the door in a flash and Andy could see the slightly judgmental look in Lu's eyes, ''he was here for the most important part,'' Andy said, feeling like she should defend him at least somewhat. It was nothing new for Milo to get paged during important moments; he was head of cardiology and served on several boards after all.
''Let's hope he continues that trend once they're born,'' Lu said, quickly adding, ''for the kids' sakes.'' She knew that Andy was still hopeful that one day she and Milo would want each other around as opposed to merely tolerating it, and she wanted to nip it in the bud before Andy got the wrong idea.
Despite Lu's prediction Andy's smile remained the same, ''I'm sure he will be,'' she said. ''He's going to be a good dad.'' There was an expression of doubt on Lu's face. ''He's a good stepdad to Jesse and Lizzy, why wouldn't he be a good dad to these kids?''
Lu shrugged dismissively; it wasn't that she thought he wouldn't make a good dad, it just sometimes felt like he put work first. She could see a realization hit Andy. ''What?''
''I still haven't told him that Les is moving back here,'' she said, ''I hope he takes it better than you, no offense.''
''None taken,'' Lu said, knowing that she might've overreacted the slightest bit. ''I already told him,'' she confessed, hoping that Andy wouldn't be upset about this.
''You did?'' Andy asked surprised.
''We were talking, it just came out,'' Lu said, handing Andy a copy of her sonogram. She started walking back into her office, busying herself with some notes lying on her desk, ''he also gave me a pregnancy test, one that you had laying around…'' she said.
''Oh.''
''I'm not pregnant,'' Lu said, turning back to Andy. Her period had started a few hours after the negative result and now she couldn't imagine she had ever believed that she had been pregnant. Andy had been right, the chances were next to nil and it was far more plausible that something else – she didn't know what, though – had caused her period to be late. A couple of sleepless nights and for what? A long shot, that was all-
''Lu?'' Andy asked, trying to get her attention. She would be lying if she had said that she had looked forward to having three babies around – there was such a thing as too much at once – but seeing the tears Lu was struggling to hold back she wished that one of the babies she was carrying was Lu's instead. ''Are you okay?''
Andy's arms around her made it harder to hold the tears back. ''I'll be fine,'' she whispered, resting her head on Andy's shoulder. She pulled away, not wanting to dwell on it, ''we both knew it was a long shot.''
''Still, if it is something that you want, we should talk about it,'' Andy said, holding Lu's hands in her own. She could see Lu was just going to just dismiss this because of Andy's pregnancy, ''I'm serious. If you want another child then you shouldn't have to give that up because of us or Milo or even because of these babies,'' she put one of her hands on her belly.
''I'm not sure what I want,'' Lu said. No matter how much she had hoped that she had been pregnant she still had the same concerns and now that was combined with how things would go down if she had a baby whose father wasn't Milo, she was worried that any child she might have would end up being treated differently because of that.
''Well, it's not like you have to decide right now,'' Andy said, ''maybe in a few years or so…?''
There was a certain level of genuineness in Andy's tone, like she would truly be okay with whatever decision Lu reached – she hated that she couldn't just automatically assume that was the case. ''I'll think about it,'' she said, giving Andy's hand one last squeeze before following her back to Lana's receptionist desk, ready to get back to work.
''So that's basically what I… or we, technically, came up with,'' Lu said. She had thought up most of the conditions but words had been changed and addendums had been added with Milo's help. Now it just needed Andy's stamp of approval.
It was evening. After a long day at work they were thankfully all home at the same time and Lu figured it was as good a time as any to discuss what she had drafted the previous night. They were in the living room, her and Milo on the couch, Andy sitting across from them in one of the chairs.
Andy looked down at the slightly crumpled piece of paper in her hands, barely making out what Lu had written down – the teacher Bob Jackson had gotten who was supposed to help her with her handwriting clearly hadn't been very useful. She shrugged, ''sounds good.''
''How about we just try this and if anything needs to change we can do that?'' Milo suggested. Really it had been stuff that they had all already agreed to, except now it was made word-for-word clear to all of them. He hadn't talked any further with Lu about her having an equal say when it came to the babies and wasn't sure he wanted to, it felt like it was just going to lead to an argument.
Lu nodded in agreement. ''So… did you discuss your nomination with Milo?'' She asked, still wanting to get more information on that surprising piece of news.
''Lu…''
''What nomination?'' Milo asked, looking back and forth between the two women, wondering what he had missed by not going with them to D.C.
''She got nominated for surgeon general,'' Lu said, ''or at least that's what her dad told me.''
''It's not a big deal,'' Andy said, annoyed that the most important thing to Lu seemed to be if she had discussed it with Milo and not with her. ''They approached me a few weeks ago, asked me if I was interested, I knew it wasn't an option so I declined.'' Someone else had already been sworn in.
''Why didn't you tell me?'' Milo asked. Lu cleared her throat. ''Why didn't you tell us,'' Milo corrected. Even if Andy had no intention of taking it, he assumed she still would've at least mentioned it.
''There just didn't seem to be a point,'' Andy said, ''do we really want people scrutinizing this,'' she asked, referring to their relationships. ''Plus, I really don't want to move Lizzy again.'' She was sure she would've found a way to be okay with that if it wasn't for her relationship with Lu but still… she had put her daughter through enough already. Besides, in Philadelphia they were closer to Jesse. She sighed when neither Milo nor Lu responded, ''fine, if anything else like this were to come up again, I'll make sure to tell both of you, you can add that to your list,'' she told Lu, handing it back to her.
Lu frowned at Andy as she took the list back, ''discuss life decisions, or whatever,'' she said, writing it down, feeling silly while doing so; Andy's tone made Lu feel like she had a rather callous attitude towards it, not quite taking it seriously.
Milo throwing daggers at her with his eyes made Andy take pause. ''Sorry,'' she said, directing it towards Lu.
''It's fine,'' Lu said, throwing pen and paper down on the coffee table, ready to call it a night already.
''No, it's not,'' Andy said, knowing that if she didn't actually give a full apology she would feel the consequences the next night when she shared her bed with Milo, but still mostly giving it to do right by Lu. ''We all have to make concessions to make this work, you most of all,'' this was directed to Lu, ''and I want you to know that I do appreciate that and I am taking this seriously. I felt like if I told you about this, I would just be making you feel guilty even though you are so much more important to me than any job could ever be.''
It was not fifteen minutes later when they were in bed at last, way too late to get a full night's sleep. Lu's head was resting on Andy's chest, Andy softly stroking her hair. ''I'm really sorry about the baby,'' she said, knowing that even if Lu didn't want to talk about it, it had still hurt her. To not only not be pregnant after realizing that she really did want to be, now Andy was having twins.
''It's okay,'' Lu said. ''I mean, I should've known, I didn't feel pregnant or anything, it was just a hunch.''
''And…'' Andy continued, ''if you ever want to talk about Isabel, I'm here for you. I don't want you to bottle all that up.'' Considering how easily it had come out during their brunch with Sarah despite Lu's ability to push her emotions away until a more opportune moment, it was clear that she had been shoving all those feelings down for too long.
''I will,'' Lu whispered, doubting she actually would. She remembered Isabel's funeral and what Andy had said, ''it's all going to be okay, right?''
''Right.''
Lu wiped some tears from her face. Her red eyes staring back at her in the mirror.
Despite Grandma Isabel insisting that her funeral would be a party, a celebration of her life, Lu had decided to wear a black dress to mark the somber occasion. It seemed only fitting.
She was sitting at the vanity in her dark, dusty, Puerto Rican hotel room.
Marc was undoubtedly still asleep; he still hadn't outgrown his love of sleeping late.
Andy was standing behind Lu, brushing her hair, the bristles gliding through Lu's thick glossy hair with ease. She gathered all of Lu's hair in her hands, twisting it into a low bun. ''Hair tie?'' She took it from Lu and twisted it around the bun, regarding Lu in the mirror who, even in her state of mourning, looked as beautiful as ever.
''Lu…'' she asked softly, trying to get her attention, knowing that Lu's mind was on Isabel and the funeral they had to leave for in not too long. When she didn't get a response she leaned down, wrapping her arms around Lu's shoulders. She kissed Lu's temple, ''it's going to be okay. I'm here, always.''