Author's note: Soooo… HOUSCON WAS AMAZING! I have to tell you guys, I always heard that everyone was so awesome, but until you experience it firsthand you just don't know! They are TRULY amazing. I am wishing I could go back and live it all again! I will HAVE to do another CON, because I cannot imagine not seeing these beautiful people again! Meeting them has put new motivation to write into me, I cannot wait for you all to review on this chapter… things will change from here on out and I'd LOOOOOVE to hear what you all think! What do you hate? What do you love? What do you want to see happen next? I am playing with where to go from this pivotal moment. I love you all dearly and promise I will try to update more often like I used to, hopefully once a week! Please READ and REVIEW!
"… She has to die."
"You want Anna? Why?" Sam asked. Not that my curiosity wasn't peaked… but the sight of Uriel's eyes boring into me made me nervous. I stepped up and hid against Judson's side. Out of my peripheral I watched as Uriel chuckled and shook his head. Then he focused back on my brothers.
"Out of the way." He sighed annoyed.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, I know she's wiretapping your angel chats or whatever, but it's no reason to gank her." Dean reasoned, talking more to Castiel than Uriel.
"Don't worry. I'll kill her gentle." Uriel laughed.
"You're fixing to cross a line you son of a bitch. Now come on Castiel, you can't be serious about killing her!"
"As a matter of fact, we are. And?"
"And? Anna's an innocent girl." Sam argued.
"She is far from innocent."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means she's worse than this abomination you've been screwing. Now give us the girl."
"Sorry. Get yourself another one. Try JDate." Dean smiled.
"Who's gonna stop us? You humans? Or this demon whore?"
With the wave of his had Uriel throws Ruby against the wall and Sam lunges at him.
"Castiel, stop this...please!" I begged from Judson's side.
Castiel stepped forward and laid a finger to Dean's forehead causing him to fall to the ground, then he moves over to where Uriel has just punched Sam. Castiel placed his hand over Uriel's shoulder and he reluctantly relased Sam, they moved to walk past him but before they could take a step a bright white light filled the room and engulfed them, as it dimmed they disappeared.
"What the fuck?" Dean questioned as he stirred awake. I gripped Judson's arm, and he wrapped it around me, unsure of what had just happened made us both on edge.
Sam helps ruby to her feet and we all look around the room for Anna.
"Anna?" I called out.
"Back here!" She answered, we rushed into the back room of the cabin where Anna stands covered in blood from her elbows down.
"Anna. Anna!" Dean rushed in to stop the bleeding. I looked up to the mirror beside her where something strange that I had never seen before was painted in what I assume was her blood.
"Are they - are they gone?" She asked shakily.
"Did you kill them?" I asked her.
"No. I sent them away... far away."
"You want to tell me how?" Dean asked.
"That just popped in my head. I don't know how I did it. I just did it."
"Oh… okay. Anna. Just. Hold some pressure to those. We're gonna step out and get something to wrap them up."
"Ruby, stay with her." Sam said as he and Dean walked around the corner. I pulled Judson to walk behind me but he resisted.
"You go. I'm gonna keep an eye on her, okay?" He whispered as he nodded over to Anna.
"Becareful." I said looking to Ruby. He nodded and I jogged to catch up to my bothers.
"So, what do you think?" Dean asked as we met by the back of the trunk.
"I think Anna's getting more interesting by the second." Sam answered.
"Yeah, I agree. And what did they mean by she's not innocent?" I asked.
"It seems like they want her bad, and not just 'cause of the angel radio thing. I mean, that blood spell - Some serious crap, I don't know what we're getting into here."
"Something's going on with her." Dean nodded. "See what you can find out. Em, you good? Uriel didn't touch you did he?"
"No. De… I'm fine. What do we need to do while Sam's digging?"
"Anna may have sent the angels to the outfield, but, sooner or later, they're gonna be back. We got to get ourselves safe now."
"Bobby's?"
"Yeah. Im gonna call him. Why don't you patch up Anna and round everyone up."
"Yeah. Minus one." I said crossing my arms.
"Emily, please don't pull this right now." Sam said closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Fuck you, Sam. If you think I'm riding for half a day in a car with her you're stupider than you look."
"Emily this is kind of important and Ruby has done nothing but help since she found Anna."
"I don't care. I refuse."
"Alright that's enough! Both of you." Dean stepped between us.
"Emily could you please just bear with me for 12 hours."
"NO! Dean, no! I will not be in the same car as her, I'll fucking kill her!"
"Stop being so self righteous!" Sam shouted back. "You made shitty decisions too, and we put that behind us! Why can't you?"
"Because you still haven't put Ruby behind you Sam! On you, under you, in front of you spread eagle maybe but not fucking behind you! When you do that… then you can come talk to me. Judson and I will find a ride. See you at Bobby's." I replied before grabbing my bag from the trunk and stomping back inside of the cabin.
"Emily stop!" Dean called out, but I only flipped him the bird. "Dammit Emily Anne get back here now!"
As I kept walking I could hear the footsteps coming up behind me. And then a hand on my shoulder pulled me backwards.
"I said stop! This is me, you, and Sam. Family. Trying to fix the fucking world one broken ass step at a time. You can't just walk away because the conditions aren't your own. Shit sucks! Okay, I get it! I don't like her either, but right now she's here and so are you. I will not let this family split when we just got it back together. Get your shit back in that trunk and get your ass in that car." Dean demanded.
We shared a stare down, and just when I thought I had him beat he leaned down forward and put his face a few centimeters form mine.
"Now." He said slowly with his 'dad' voice.
Part of me wanted to rebel, but the smarter part of me knew this was Dean's warning. So I chunked my bag at him and walked back to the car, slamming the door behind me.
A few minutes later everyone else made their way to the car. I figured it best to just close by eyes and pretend to be asleep as I leaned against the window. Judson climbed in the front seat and gently pushed me towards the middle, Dean on my other side. In the back Anna, Sam… and Ruby climbed in one after another.
I curled into Judson's side. He swung his arm over me and pulled his phone out of his pocket, he typed a message into a blank text message and then handed me the phone.
It read: Are you okay? I get the feeling there was a fight.
I replied: There was. And I don't really know. I'm just glad you're here. What have we gotten ourselves into?
J: I don't know Em. Angels are dangerous. Demons are dangerous. We're in this one pretty deep. Gotta make smart moves only.
E: … I hate her, Jud.
J: I know baby. But you've gotta play this one out as much as it sucks. Just keep your distance.
I read the message and shut the phone, then I moved to lay down, my feet in Dean's lap, and my head on Judson's. He pulled his fingers through my hair slowly.
If I have to be in this car for 12 hours I'd better be sleeping most of it… cause I assume demons don't sleep.
…
"Iron walls drenched in salt. Demons can't even touch the joint." Dean smiled as he walked us all- minus Judson who made a supply run- down to Bobby's panic room.
"Which I find racist, by the way." Ruby called out from the doorway.
"Write your congressman." I smiled. She rolled her eyes and I rose mine in a challenging fashion.
"Stop." Sam said looking between the two of us, then he stepped out of the room.
"Here." Ruby said as she tossed Dean a handful of small bags.
"Hex bags?" Dean asked.
"Extra-crunchy. They'll hide us from angels, demons, all comers."
"Thanks." He replied before handing one to Anna. "Don't lose this. So, Anna, what's playing on angel radio? Anything useful?"
"It's quiet. Dead silence."
"Good. That's not troubling at all." I sighed sitting on a stool in the corner.
"We're in trouble, huh? You guys are scared?" She asked me. I looked up to Dean, who smiled at her.
"Nah." He winked.
"Hey, Dean, Em!" Sam called from the other room.
"Just stay here, okay?" Dean said to Anna, then he stopped by Ruby. "Keep an eye on her."
"How's Anna?" Sam asked.
"She's fine. Where's Bobby?" I asked. Hoping him being here would provide me some Ruby back up.
"Uh, The Dominican. He said we break anything, we buy it."
"He's working a job?"
"God, I hope so. Otherwise, he's at hedonism in a banana hammock and a trucker cap."
"Now that's seared in my brain." I groaned.
"All right, what did you find on Anna?" Dea asked.
"Uh, not much. Her parents were, uh, Rich and Amy Milton - a church deacon and a housewife."
"Riveting." I mumbled sarcastically.
"Yeah. But there is something here in the report. Turns out this latest psych episode wasn't her first. When she was 2 1/2, she'd get hysterical any time her dad got close. She was convinced that he wasn't her real daddy."
"Who was? The plumber, hmm? A little snaking the pipes?" Dean smied.
"Dude, you're confusing reality with porn again." I shot at him.
"Look, Anna didn't say. She just kept repeating that this real father of hers was mad. Very mad - like wanted-to-kill-her mad." Sam continued.
"Kind of heavy for a 2-year-old."
"Well, she saw a kid's shrink, got better, and grew up normal."
"Until now. So, what's she hiding?"
"Why don't you just ask me to my face?" Anna shot from behind us, causing us all to turn and face her.
"Nice job watching her." Dean said to Ruby.
"I'm watching her." She shrugged.
"No, you're right, Anna. Is there anything you want to tell us?" Sam asked her
"About what?"
"The angels said you were guilty of something. Why would they say that?"
"You tell me. Tell me why my life has been leveled... Why my parents are dead. I don't know. I swear. I would give anything to know."
"Okay. Then let's find out."
"How?"
"Pamela." I said out loud, reading what Sam was thinking. He nodded in agreeance.
"Alright. I'll go get her. Em, you're with me."
…..
Pamela rode in the backseat of the car, quiet for only the first few minutes before she spoke up.
"Soo… I may be blind but I can feel the tension in this car. What's been going on with the Winchester's?"
"Nothing. Just. Trying to save the world from the apocalypse. You know, the everyday thing."
"I wasn't talking about things in the world stud, I was talking about amongst the three of you. It's like I can feel the anger."
I guiltily looked down and tucked my hands in my lap.
"Nothing." Dean repeated, but his eyes fell to me. I didn't have to look up to feel their weight on my shoulders.
"Emily?" Pamela asked.
"You sure about that?"
"… It's just family drama."
"Well. Whatever it is, I'd work it out pretty quickly. Things like this only get heavier the harder you hold onto them." She warned.
"Yeah.. I know." I whispered.
A few short hours later we arrived back at Bobby's. Judson's bike was still gone. It caught me off guard that he was still gone, he should have been back by now. I pulled out my phone to call him… but no answer.
"We're here!" Dean called as he led Pamela down the stairs, I followed.
"Pamela, hey!" Sam cheered as he met them at the bottom of the stairs.
"Sam?"
"It's me. it's Sam"
"Sam?"
"Yeah."
"Sam, is that you?"
"I'm right here."
"Oh. Know how I can tell?" Pamela asked, then she smiled and grabbed Sam's ass. "That perky little ass of yours. You could bounce a nickel off that thing. Of course I know it's you, grumpy. Same way I know that's a demon, and that poor girl's Anna and that you've been eyeing my rack."
"Uh... uh..." Sam mumbled.
"Don't sweat it, kiddo. I still got more senses than most."
"Got it."
Pamela laughed and then walked over to Anna.
"Hey, Anna. How are you? I'm Pamela."
"Hi."
"Dean told me what's been going on. I'm excited to help."
"Oh. That's nice of you."
"Oh, well, not really. Any chance I can dick over an angel, I'm taking it."
"Why?"
"They stole something from me." Pamela smiled as she pulled off her sunglasses, reavealing her white eyes. "Demon-y, I know. But they're just plastic. Good for business. Makes me look extra-psychic, don't you think?" She laughed. "Now...how about you tell me what your deal is? Hmm? Don't you worry."
Pamela swung an arm over Anna as they walked into the panic room and led her to the bed in the corner to lie down.
"Nice and relaxed. Now, I'm going to count down from five to zero. When we're at zero, you'll be in a deep state of hypnosis. As I count down, just go deeper and deeper, okay? 5... 4... 3... 2... 1. Deep sleep. Deep sleep. Every muscle calm and relaxed. Can you hear me?"
"I can hear you."
Dean, Sam, and I entered the room and Ruby stood by the door way. This panic room was becoming my new favorite place in the whole world.
"Now, Anna, tell me... How can you hear the angels? How did you work that spell?"
"I don't know. I just did."
"Your father... What's his name?"
"Rich Milton."
"All right. But I want you to look further back... When you were very young... Just a couple of years old."
"I don't want to."
"It'll be okay. Anna, just one look - that's all we need."
"No." Anna cried.
"What's your dad's name? Your real dad. Why is he angry at you?"
"No. No! No." Anna screamed, her back arching off the bed.
"Calm down."
"He's gonna kill me!"
"Anna, you're safe."
"No!" She screamed, the lights above us shattering, causing me to duck under Sam's arm. He covered me as the glass fell.
"Calm down."
"He's gonna kill me!"
"It's all right, Anna."
"Anna?" Dean said approaching her.
"Dean, don't." Pamela warned as Dean reached out for her, Anna swung, knocking Dean across the room. He quickly stood again, I moved to stand beside him.
"Wake in 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Anna... Anna? You all right?"
Anna took slow deep breaths as she sat up on the side of the bed.
"Thank you, Pamela. That helps a lot. I remember now."
"Remember what?" Sam asked.
"Who I am."
"I'll bite. Who are you?"
"I'm an angel."
"What?" I whispered.
"Don't be afraid, I'm not like the others."
"I don't find that very reassuring." Ruby commented.
"Neither do I." Pamela agreed.
"So...Castiel, Uriel - they're the ones that came for me?"
"You know them?"
"We were kind of in the same foxhole."
"So, what, were they like your bosses or something?"
"Try the other way around."
"Look at you." Dean smiled slightly.
"But now they want to kill you?" I asked.
"Orders are orders. I'm sure I have a death sentence on my head."
"Why?" Pamela asked.
"I disobeyed... which, for us, is about the worst thing you can do. I fell."
"Meaning?"
"She fell to earth, became human." Pamela answered for her.
"Wait a minute. I don't understand. So, angels can just become human?" Sam asked.
"It kind of hurts. Try cutting your kidney out with a butter knife. That kind of hurt. I ripped out my grace."
"Come again?" I asked.
"My grace. It's... energy. Hacked it out and fell. My mother, Amy, couldn't get pregnant. Always called me her little miracle. She had no idea how right she was."
"So, you just forgot that you were God's little Power Ranger?" Dean asked.
"The older I got, the longer I was human, yeah."
"I don't think you all appreciate how completely screwed we are." Ruby cut in.
"Ruby's right. Heaven wants me dead."
"And Hell just wants her. A flesh-and-blood angel that you can question, torture, that bleeds. Sister, you're the Stanley Cup. And sooner or later, Heaven or Hell, they're gonna find you."
"Way to be positive." I threw my hands up at her.
"No. She's right." Anna cut in. "And that's why I'm gonna get it back."
"What?"
"My grace."
"You can do that?"
"If I can find it."
"So, what, you're just gonna take some divine bong hit, and, shazam, you're Roma Downey?" Dean asked as confused about it all as I was.
"Something like that."
"All right. I like this plan. So, where's this grace of yours?"
"Lost track. I was falling about 10,000 miles per hour at the time."
"Wait. You mean falling, like, literally?" Sam asked.
"Yes."
"Like the way a human eye can see? Like a comet, maybe, or a meteor?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Give me some time to look into something… Why don't you guys get Pamela back home, before any other angles show up."
"That would be much appreciated." She said standing.
"I'll meet you at the car." I said to Dean as I exited the room, phone in hand.
I stepped into the kitchen and dialed Judson again.
"Hey babe." He answered.
"Hey, where are you?"
"Having trouble tracking down some ingredients for some protection spells I picked up. I should be back later tonight. You okay?"
"I'm fine… Can't you just get them later?"
"I think we might need them baby, I promise I'm hurrying."
"Fine." I sighed.
"Hey… don't do that. Talk to me, whats going on there?"
"Anna… she's an angel, Jud."
"WHAT!"
"… She's an angel. She didn't know it till Pamela hypnotized her into looking back in her memory, but she lost this thing called her grace, so she thinks if she can get it back she can fight off the angels and the demons, end this crap."
"Wow… um. Okay. Uh.. so what are you doing now?"
"I'm fixing to ride with Dean to take Pamela home."
"Okay baby, be safe. I'll see you later. I love you."
"Love you too." I mumbled before hanging up.
I made my way back to baby and met with Dean as he helped Pamela into the backseat.
"Where'd you go?"
"Call Judson."
"And?"
"He said he'd be back tonight… having a hard time tracking down supplies for some protection spells."
"He must be looking for something really rare." Pamela commented.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, there's a town a couple hours away that has a psychic that stocks damn near everything I've ever heard of. He shouldn't have problem tracking down anything with her around. Bobby goes there all the time if I remember correctly."
"I'm not sure what he's looking for… he didn't say. He just said he wanted it incase things went south."
"Well, good luck to him." Pamela said as Dean started rolling down the road.
"So, Ruby… hanging around with Demon's now are we?" Pamela mentioned.
My stomach flopped at the mention of her name. A spurt of fire went through my body as I bit my tongue.
"Ouch… I could feel that one kiddo."
"What?" I turned around and asked.
"You hate the air she breathes."
"… So what?" I shot back getting more irritated by the second.
"Hey." Dean warned. "Attitude."
"My bad." Pamela said with hands raised. "If its any consolation I wouldn't trust her."
"Why?" Dean asked.
"She's a demon. Plus… she puts off an odd vibe. Not that I've been around many demons, but. I've been around lots of people. She's got her motives. Just can't tell if they're going to benefit the Winchesters in any way."
I sat back in the seat with my arms crossed, smug smile on my face.
"We're just working with her for this case… she's the one who told us about Anna." Dean replied.
"No, we're being her fucking bitch boys Dean!"
"Hey! I said watch the attitude."
"No! Pamela is right, I'm right! She is playing us for something, and Sam's too busy trying to get his dick wet to see anything!
"Whoa!" Pamela laughed from the backseat. "Life with the Winchesters is never dull is it?"
"End of conversation!" Dean shot back at me. "We are ONLY working with her on this case for now. I do not trust her, I do not seek her help or her company. I tolerate it which is what I'm asking you to do until we figure this shit out! Now I am done having this conversation with you… I don't trust her either Em, I don't like her. But until this shit is over, we have to tolerate her. So suck it up, buttercup."
Dean punched the gas and turned up the radio… I sat back against the seat roughly, stewing again in my anger. Pamela reached forward and placed her hand on my shoulder for a tight but brief squeeze.
…
When Dean and I pulled up into the salvage yard we found Anna and Judson standing outside having a conversation, as we approached he smiled at me, and I couldn't wait to rush into his arms. Dean parked the car and I literally jumped out and tackled him.
"Mmm… missed you baby." He whispered into my ear.
"I missed you." I said as I laid a kiss against his lips.
"Pamela get home okay?" Anna asked as Dean walked up.
"Yeah. She said she was sorry. It's just after last time, she, uh... This is just a little too rich for her blood."
"I don't blame her. You guys should do the same."
"Well, we're not that smart." Dean laughed, then he looked intensely at Anna. "Can I ask you something? What do they want me for? Why did they save me?"
I turned to Anna and watched her face as she answered, looking for any kind of clue.
"I'm sorry. The angels aren't talking about it. And it was after I fell."
"That's another question." I mentioned as I leaned backwards against Judson, his arms around me as we leaned against the car opposite of Dean and Anna. "Why would you fall? Why would you want to be one of us?"
"You don't mean that." She smiled at me.
"I don't?" I asked.
"A bunch of - of miserable bastards... Eating, crapping, confused, afraid. Why not be one of us?" Dean added sarcastically.
"I don't know. There's loyalty... forgiveness... love." She said as she looked between Judson and I with a smile. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head.
"Pain." Dean added.
"Chocolate cake." Anna shot back.
"Guilt."
"Sex."
"Yeah, you got me there." Dean smiled. I rolled my eyes.
"I mean it. Every emotion, Dean, even the bad ones... It's why I fell. It's why... why I'd give anything not to have to go back. Anything."
"Feelings are overrated, if you ask me." He shrugged.
"Beats being an angel."
"How's that possible? You guys are powerful and perfect. You don't doubt yourselves or God or anything." I asked shocked.
"Perfect... Like a marble statue. Cold... no choice... only obedience. Dean, do you know how many angels have actually seen God? Seen his face?"
"All of you I thought."
"Four angels. Four. And I'm not one of them."
"That's it? Well, then how do you even know that there is a God?" Dean asked.
"We have to take it on faith... Which we're killed if we don't have."
"Huh." I pondered sadly… thinking suddenly that Heaven is surely not the place I had always imagined it would be. The angels… they aren't what I thought they would be.
"I was stationed on earth 2,000 years. Just... watching... silent... invisible... out on the road... sick for home... waiting on orders from an unknowable father I can't begin to understand. So don't tell me that-"
She stopped as she heard Dean's laughter.
"What is so funny? What?" She asked.
Dean and I shared a look.
"Nothing. Sorry. It's just...I can relate."
"Hey." Sam said walking outside to join us.
"Did you find something?" Dean asked.
"I think so."
We all moved to walk inside, but Anna grabbed my wrist.
"Um, we'll meet you there." She smiled to Sam. I looked at her curiously, but then nodded to Judson and watched as the boys all walked in.
"What's wrong Anna?"
"I just… I wanted to talk to you alone for a second."
"Okay?"
"Uriel… I know he said some terrible things to you, about you… but Emily even if I don't know Heaven's purpose for you or Dean, I know that you are good people. You are the kind of people the angels smile when they look down on. Please. Don't take what he says with any kind of value… he is an angry angel, a wrathful man even as a human. I remember him then, and I still see it in him now. He does not know mercy like many angels I do know."
"… What if he is right though? What if Heaven doesn't want me alive?"
"One day you'll see that Heaven isn't always right…"
"How can that be? I mean… you follow the commands of God."
"I wish it were that simple. Just, don't let them get to you. They're afraid of you… that's all."
"Thank you Anna." I said as I reached out and embraced her, she hugged me back and then we walked in to meet with everyone else.
"Union, Kentucky. Found some accounts of a local miracle." Sam said as we walked in.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. In '85, there was an empty field outside of town. Six months later, there was a full-grown oak. They say it looks a century old at least."
"Anna, what do you think?" I asked.
"The grace. Where it hit, it could have done something like that, easy."
"So grace ground zero - it's not destruction. It's..." Dean started.
"Pure creation." Anna smiled.
…..
Another 7 hour ride and we were pulling up in the field in front of one of the biggest oak trees I've ever seen in my life. It was beautiful and lively, green all around it.
"It's beautiful." I mumbled out loud.
"It's where the grace touched down. I can feel it." Anna said as she stepped forward and stared at the tree.
"You ready to do this?" Dean asked her.
"Not really."
"Anna, what are we even looking for?" Judson asked as we walked forward and Anna laid a hand on the tree.
"It doesn't matter. It's not here. Not anymore. Someone took it." She said sadly.
"Wait, how can someone else take YOUR grace?" Sam asked confused.
"Another angel… they can harvest it. Keep it away from me, stop me from becoming an Angel again."
"We should get out of here." Dean said quickly. "If someone else took it then they knew where it was… they could be watching us."
….
Dean drove us a couple of hours away to an abandoned barn where we could huddle down and hide safely while we developed a plan.
"We still got the hex bags. I say we head back to the panic room." Dean shrugged.
"What, forever?" Ruby mocked.
"Keeps us away from you." I shot back.
"I'm just thinking out loud!" Dean shouted at her.
"Oh, you call that thinking?"
"Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Stop it." Sam cut in.
"Anna's grace is gone. You understand? She can't angel up. She can't protect us. We can't fight Heaven and Hell. One side maybe, but not both. Not at once." Ruby replied.
"Um... guys? The angels are talking again." Anna said as she stood and stared off at nothing.
"What are they saying?" I asked.
"It's weird... Like a recording... a loop. It says, Dean Winchester gives us Anna by midnight, or..."
"Or what?" I asked as my stomach dropped.
"...or we hurl him back to damnation."
"What?!" I asked in panic, turning back to meet Dean's wide eyes.
No no no no no no! No… I can't. I won't let this happen.
"Anna! You tell them they can't do that!" I yelled.
"I can't talk back to them. I'm sorry…" She replied sadly.
"No… they can't." I said turning and walking to Dean. "They can't do that right?! Dean?"
"Em, take a breath." Judson said putting a hand on my back. Dean just looked at me, then at Anna, I could see the fear in his eyes.
"Anna... Do you know of any weapon that works on an angel?" Sam asked.
"To what? To kill them?" Sam nodded. "Nothing we could get to... Not right now."
"Okay, wait, wait. I say we call Bobby. We get him back from hedonism." Dean started.
"Dean, what's he gonna tell us that we don't already know?" Sam turned back and yelled at him in frustration.
"I don't know, but we got to think of something!"
"Stop!" I said standing between them. "We will NOT let them take you back… we won't! Everyone just, step away and take a breath. Dean. They can't take you. I won't let them." I told him defiantly.
"I know kiddo… I'm. I'm gonna get some air." He said as he walked outside. Sam stalked off in the other direction and Ruby followed him.
"I'm so sorry Emily. Your family doesn't deserve this… I'll hand myself over.
"No, Anna. Don't please… just. Let us think about it for a while. Figure it out."
"I'm going to check on Dean." She nodded as she stepped outside.
This left Judson and I in the barn alone. I waited till Anna was gone to turn to him.
"Jud… They can't do that can they?" I asked him with stinging eyes.
"I don't know baby." He whispered as he held my face, his thumb rubbing against my cheek. "I don't know."
"No… they can't do that." I said pulling away from him, pacing.
"Castiel!" I yelled.
"Em what are you doing?"
"I just want to talk to him… DAMMIT CASTIEL!"
"Emily stop! We're hidden, don't lead them here."
"I can't! I can't let him just go back there!"
"Emily shhh… stop baby, just. Take a breath. C'mon. Deep breaths."
I leaned into his shoulder as I fought to gain control of my breath. He rocked me back and forth as I tried to push the panic back down.
"Well figure it out… we always do." He assured me. "Why don't we go up to the loft. Get some sleep?"
"What about Dean?"
"Anna and him are right outside… Sam and Ruby and around the corner, everyone's here and safe. Just, try and get some rest. You're gonna need some strength for whatever comes next.
"Okay." I surrendered.
Judson and I walked the old steps to the top of the barn where he laid down a blanket over a pile of loose hay. He laid down and pulled me to lay beside him.
"You know…" He smiled. "If your brothers weren't here this would be kinda sexy."
"Sexy?" I raised my eyebrows.
"Yeah. Me, you, and good old fashioned roll in the hay." He winked.
I laughed at his corny joke, but stopped as his lips molded against mine. Heat building between us as he rolled us and hovered over me.
"I love you." He whispered against my ear. "No matter what.
"I love you too." I said taken back by his sincerity. He didn't waste another second before placing his lips against mine again, my tongue tasting him in the most delicious of ways.
"Judson." I moaned as his mouth moved down my neck, his hands traveled under my shirt. Thumbs rolling against my nipples.
My hand dipped into his waistline, and gripped him as he hardened. Stroking him as he whispered my name. He leaned up and pulled off his shirt… then mine, jeans quick to follow.
I loved every second of being with this man, I loved the way he touched me, the way he made me forget the world around me, the way he could calm me with one touch, and excite me all the same.
Tomorrow may be ugly… but tonight, tonight is beautiful.
…
The next morning when I woke I could hear voices. Sam and Dean talking downstairs. Judson was no longer lying next to me. I sat up and was sure to straighten my clothes before making my way down the steps to join them.
"Where's Judson?"
"Outside, keeping guard."
"Ruby?" I asked looking around noting she was also gone.
"I don't know." Sam sighed.
Dean paced.
"So what now… where do we go?"
"I don't know, Em. We just… ride it out. Sam. Any ideas?"
"I don't know, man. Where's Ruby?"
"Hey, she's your Hell buddy." Dean mumbled as he lifted his flask.
"Little early for that, isn't it?" Anna asked.
"It's 2 a.m. somewhere."
"You okay?" I asked reaching out to his arm.
"Yeah, of course." He lied.
"Hey! Incoming." Judson yelled out coming down from the roof as Castiel and Uriel busted through the barn doors.
"Hello, Anna. It's good to see you." Castiel said.
"How? How did you find us?" Sam asked. Castiel looked up to Dean. Who looked down in guilt.
"Dean?" I asked shocked. He turned to Anna.
"I'm sorry."
"Why?" Sam asked him.
"Because they gave him a choice." Anna answered for him. "They either kill me... or kill you and Emily. I know how their minds work."
Anna stepped towards Dean and kissed him.
"Whooooa…" I mumbled under my breath. "When did that happen?"
"You did the best you could. I forgive you." Anna told him before walking to face Castiel and Uriel. "Okay. No more tricks. No more running. I'm ready."
"I'm sorry." Castiel told her.
"No. You're not. Not really. You don't know the feeling."
"Still, we have a history. It's just –"
"Orders are orders. I know. Just make it quick."
Just as Anna closed her eyes the sound of Evil entered the room.
"Don't you touch a hair on that poor girl's head." Alastair called from the back of the room. Walking in with a bleeding Ruby and two other demons in tow. Sam grabbed me and pulled me between himself and Dean. Judson edging around the room.
"How dare you come in this room... you pussing sore." Uriel called out to him.
"Name-calling. That hurt my feelings... You sanctimonious, fanatical prick."
"Turn around and walk away now." Castiel warned him. The more they talked the more my brothers inched their way backwards against the wall.
"Sure. Just give us the girl. We'll make sure she gets punished good and proper." Alastair smiled.
"You know who we are and what we will do. I won't say it again. Leave now... or we lay you to waste."
"Think I'll take my chances."
The angels begin to fight and Castiel begins to attempt to exorcise Alistair, but nothing happens.
"Dean… who the hell is this guy!" I asked shocked. Dean watched in fear with no answer as Alastair hits Castiel.
"Sorry, kiddo. Why don't you go run to daddy?"
"Aaaaahhhh!" A demon yelled as Uriel cast him back to hell. Then Alastair began to try to do an exorcism on Castiel.
"Dean! Do something!" I said as I watched the pain across the angel's face.
"Potestas inferna, me confirma. Potestas inferna, me confirma. Potestas inferma, me confirma-" Alastair stops as Dean hits him with a crowbar. But he turned to Dean with a smile.
"Dean, Dean, Dean... I am so disappointed. You had such promise."
Alastair throws Dean against the wall and rushed to his aide. I jumped on Alastairs back and thrust my knife into his shoulder, causing him to become temporairily distracted, but not long enough because he grabbed my wrist and twisted, causing me to release my grip and fall to the ground, he stood with his boot over my neck as he laughed.
"Ohhh… I like you. Full of fire! You and I could have some fun ya know? Just me. You. The romance of hell fire. What do you say pretty thing?"
"NO!" Dean yelled as he stood and tackled Alastair backwards.
Just then I heard Uriel yell out and turned to see Anna grab the pendant containing a blue haze much like my red haze, she breaks it on the ground and the blueish white light moves towards Anna.
"Shut your eyes." She warned. "Shut your eyes! Shut your eyes!"
I did as she said and buried my face in the ground. A light so bright that I could see it even with my eyes shut filled the room. It was blinding and powerful, and as it peaked I could hear Alastair's scream fade.
As it faded I looked up in time to see Anna disappear, and Ruby's demon killing knife on the ground in front of me. I reached out and grabbed it. Dean and Sam stood, pulling me up to my feet. Judson came to stand behind me.
"Well, what are you guys waiting for? Go get Anna. Unless, of course, you're scared." Dean challenged Uriel.
"This isn't over."
"Oh, it looks over to me, junkless."
The angels vanished.
"You okay?" Sam asked Ruby as she limped over to us.
"Not so much."
"What took you so long to get here?"
"Sorry I'm late with the demon delivery. I was only being tortured."
"I got to hand it to you, Sammy. Bringing them all together all at once - angels and demons. It was a damn good plan."
"Wait… you assholes planned all that and didn't bother to tell me?!" I asked angrily.
"You were sleeping… we didn't want to wake you." Sam answered.
"Yeah. Sure… I'm sure that's all it was." I said crossing my arms.
"Em. I promise that was it."
"Yeah." I said looking back down at the ground with disappointment.
"So, I guess she's some big-time angel now, huh? She must be happy... Wherever she is." Sam said quickly to change topics.
"I doubt it." Dean answered.
"Well. I guess this is where I leave you." Ruby said as the room fell silent.
"Are you sure that's a good idea? You're hurt."
"I'm a demon. It'll heal." She replied.
I rolled my eyes. But then an idea struck me… She's weak. Injured. And I have the knife.
I watched as Sam helped her out the doorway, and quickly contemplated my next moves.
"Emily." Dean called out to me. "What are you doing?"
"What?"
"What are you doing with that?"
It wasn't until he asked that I realized I had pulled he knife from my back pocket and wad in a white knuckle grip.
"Nothing." I shot back defensively.
"Give it to me." He said moving to stand in front of me.
"Dean I-"
"I said… give it to me, Em."
"This is our chance." I whispered.
"Not like this." He said back… I could feel the disappointment rolling off of him. "Now give me the knife."
I reluctantly placed it in his hand, and he walked out the door towards the car.
Judson looked down at me with a sad face.
"Come on. Let's get the hell out of here."
…..
We spent the most of the afternoon driving, but finally stopped a small small motel. Showered, ordered take out… watched a crappy old western movie before Judson kissed me goodnight and left to go to his room.
I sat back on the bed and leaned against the headboard.
"I can't believe we made it out of there." Dean said leaning against the wall and sipping his beer.
"Again." Sam chuckled. He reached over from the table and they clinked bottles.
"I know you guys heard him." Dean said with somber expression.
"Who?" I asked.
"Alastair. What he said... about how I had promise."
"Yeah. I heard him." I admitted.
"You're not curious?"
"De, I'm damn curious. But you're not talking about Hell, and I'm not pushing."
He nodded and there was a moment of heavy silence before he opened his mouth again.
"It wasn't four months, you know."
"What?" Sam asked.
"It was four months up here, but down there... I don't know. Time's different. It was more like 40 years."
"My God." Sam whispered.
"They, uh... They sliced and carved and tore at me in ways that you... Until there was nothing left. And then, suddenly... I would be whole again... like magic... just so they could start in all over." Dean began to speak. I leaned forward and listened intently. He stared at the ground and continued. "And Alastair... at the end of every day... every one... he would come over. And he would make me an offer. To take me off the rack... if I put souls on... if I started the torturing. And every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines. For 30 years, I told him." He paused and took a shaky breath. My heart ached to see him in so much pain… it hurt because he was hurt, and I knew I couldn't fix it. I could only listen. "But then I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't. And I got off that rack. God help me, I got right off it, and I started ripping them apart." Dean began to cry. "I lost count of how many - the things that I did to them."
"Dean... Dean, look, you held out for 30 years. That's longer than anyone would have." Sam assured him.
"How I feel... This... inside me... I wish I couldn't feel anything. I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing."
His face quivered as the tears rolled off his chin. He stood there for a moment. All of us silent, letting the weight of the words come off of him and onto Sam and I. The pain on his face was indescribable. It was torture to see…
If Dean was me, I'd rush to embrace him in a hug. But he's not me. And Dean needs his space.
I waited until he reached up and ran his hand over his face. Then he stepped into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. I wiped a tear of my own before looking up to Sam.
"… Sam."
"Yeah Em?"
"… I still want it all to be behind us. Even if I am angry."
"Me too sweetheart."
"He needs us, and we're not much good if we're fighting."
"Yeah… It's okay that you're mad. I understand."
I nodded. Sam stood and turned off the lights, knowing Dean wouldn't want to discuss this any further tonight. I stretched out and laid in the bed, waiting for Dean to come out.
Eventually the bathroom door creaked open and Dean made his way to lay down on top of the blanket I had wrapped around myself. I waited until he was still to reach across and wind my fingers into his. I squeezed, and he lifted my hand and kissed the back of it.
No words needed… the man who knows me best knows this was me trying to be here, without crowding into his space. The space he needs to process. I hope the weight has been lifted off of his shoulders just a little… I hope he feels even the least bit better.
I just wish I could take away the pain.
I waited until his breaths were even and slow, and then I moved to climb out of the bed. My mind racing from the day, from Dean's confession. I walked over to the window and stared out as the bright full moon lit up the parking lot. Something to the right caught my eye, and my surprise grew as I watched Judson zip up his jacket and take off walking down the side walk.
I quickly tossed on my boots and a small jacket for myself, then I quietly opened and shut the door to follow him. I was sure he was going to get a coke from the vending machine, until he passed it and walked around to the other side of the building.
A heavy feeling began to settle in my gut.
Somethings not right… somethings just off.
I kept my distance but followed as he walked next door to the truck stop and wandered past a row of semi trucks, stopping behind the trailer of one. I held my ground and watched as Castiel appeared from around the corner.
My confusion continued to grow, as did the sinking feeling in my gut.
"How are the Winchesters?" Castiel asked him.
"They're fine. A little emotionally scattered but fine."
"And Emily? Did Anna tell her?"
"No.. I asked her not to. She was a little reluctant, but finally agreed."
Tell me what?! What the hell is this…
"You missed your last two reports."
"I'm sorry. I can't always get away that easily, they're smart people. They'll catch on… look how much longer do we have to do this? I think its pretty obvious she's not a threat."
A threat?... Is he talking about me?
"Watch your tone with me. You were given this assignment on my recommendation and I can remove you from it just as quickly."
… Assignment?
My heart stopped. My knees became weak, and I got the urge to puke. I placed my hand over my mouth and held it in.
"Please, I've already formed a relationship with them. If you pull me now you'll lose access to them."
"A relationship… or a bond? You know what you are doing is frowned upon."
"… I know." Judson answered hesitantly. "But you wanted to know more, and I had to get close to get that information. You know how much it takes to gain their trust."
"I do understand the level of difficulty in the assignment, but I advise you to restrain yourself, or others may not be as understanding as I."
"Anything else?"
"You need to push her, we need to know how are abilities are developing. How they can be used against us."
"How the hell do you expect me to do that?"
"It is not my job to tell you how to do yours."
I stepped out from around the corner.
"No." I said with tears coming down my face. "It's just your job to fool me… fool us. Lie to us."
Judson's eyes met mine with instant panic. I kept my gaze on Castiel for as long as possible, because I knew when they met Judson's that I wouldn't have the strength to hold myself together.
"Emily. Please let me expl-"
"Explain? … No that's okay. I heard enough Castiel. You should go… and leave my family alone."
I looked over to Judson. My heart ripping in half as my eyes met his. I wanted this to be a dream. I wanted it to all be in my head. A nightmare.
"How could you?" I whispered, caged sobs breaking apart the words. I shook my head and began to run back towards the motel.
"Emily! Please! Wait!" He called after me, but I didn't stop. I couldn't. I needed Sam and Dean. I ran around the corner and past the vending machines. Our door within my sights, baby parked in front of it as I heard him gaining on me.
"Emily, please stop!" He begged.
"Leave me alone!" I yelled back as I reached our door and jiggled the knob reaching for my key.
"Emily wait baby, please!" He pleaded as he pushed me away from the door and grabbed my wrists.
"Let go of me!" I yelled through the tears.
"Please baby, let me explain…" He said with glassy eyes.
"No! Stop calling me that!"
"Emily I'm so sorry." He whispered as he tried to hold me against him.
"No… no no no. You lied to me!"
"Emily, I had to! Please… just let me talk to you."
"GET OFF!" I fought.
"HEY!" Dean's voice caused us to turn. "What the hell is going on out here!" He demanded as him and Sam exited the room.
I pulled away from Judson and into Dean's arms.
"I.. I'm sorry." Judson said as he ran his hand through his hair.
"What the hell happened?" Sam asked stepping forward.
"He-e works for the a-a-angels!" I sobbed into Dean's chest.
"What?!" Dean asked in shock.
"Dean, I… I promise. I can explain…" Judson begged, his voice shaky.
"He-he lied…" I sobbed into Dean's chest.
"Em, baby… I'm sorry." Judson cried out.
"Sam take her inside." Dean said as he pulled my arms loose and Sam pulled me to him.
"Sammy…" I cried. "I.. I. He lied about all of it." I sobbed.
"Shhhh… sweetheart. I know."
I hurt so deeply… I wanted to go back outside and yell at him. Hit him, hurt him… hold him. Have him hold me. But why? He betrayed me… used me. Fucked me and reported back to the angels about every move I made. How could he do this? How could anyone do this…
He knew me. He understood me… and now I had to wonder if it was because he really cared, or just because he studied me for this job. His assignment as Castiel put it.
Sam walked us over to the edge of the bed and rocked me back and forth as I heard the door open and close again, Dean walked past me and straight to the sink. Washing blood off of his knuckles.
"Did… did you hurt him?" I asked hesitantly. My stomach crashing in waves with conflicted emotion.
"Not enough… He was able to walk away." Dean answered grimly.
"De…" I mumbled. "Why did he do this?"
Dean sighed deeply and kneeled down in front of me. Pushing the hair out of my face.
"I don't know kiddo… I don't know."
I reached for him and wrapped my arms around his neck. Dean lifted me like I was a kid again and carried me back to the bed, he sat against the head board and held me until the sobs turned into sniffles.
He reached over and turned off the lights. Sam surrendered to his own bed, and I finally climbed off his lap and over to my own pillow. I clung to it, closing my eyes and wishing that when I wake in the morning all of this will be forgotten… that I won't know what just happened really happened.
Maybe I'll forget, and he'll come back, and it'll be like I never knew.
How sick is that…
To cry for a man who betrayed you in such a way.
I wanted him back… I wanted to never see him again.
I wanted to take back everything I ever gave him.
I wanted to go back and relieve every moment we had together.
I just wanted the hurt to stop.