Author's note: Guys…. I am SO sorry its taken so long. For those of you who read both stories I admitted in my most recent post in Healing Sara that I just had some personal things going on… well. It's just not getting better anytime soon. So please be patient with me as things work out (hopefully) and get better. I have a nice long chapter for you all! I really hope you enjoy it! I loved writing it- even if it did take me weeks and little bits at a time to do so. I love you all so much… you truly have no idea what it means to me to be able to escape real life for just a little while and fall into this world instead. And then to have your gracious and humbling comments to lift my spirits…. It means more than I can put into words. Please READ and REVIEW! I promise I will try harder to update more often. 3
I picked up the remote, and hit play… watching the same movie for the fourth time in the row, but hey. It's only 3 am… plenty of hours to kill. I laid on the foot of the bed, my pillow propped up against Sam's legs as he slept behind me. I kept the volume on the TV down to a minimum. Trying not to wake either of my brothers who fell asleep during the second round of this movie. I know Dean said he was down to watch the notebook over, and over, and over again… but the guy can only give me so much. He can only watch me cry for so long before it exhausts him too.
When he wakes up in the morning he'll feel guilty though, for not staying up with me. I hate that about him… he feels the need to carry every burden on his shoulder. I don't know how I'm going to get him past Hell… he'll never let himself be forgiven by God or anyone. He'll never feel the same about himself.
All of this only makes me want to cry more.
So I reached over and grabbed the fork laying next to the last 3 pieces of cheesecake… and started the cycle over again.
Noah, he truly loved her… I thought Judson truly loved me. I bought into it. All of it.
I believed every lie out of his mouth.
When I stop to think about the ways he manipulated me… the way he pulled me to talk. Tricked me into opening up to him, it makes me want to puke.
What makes it all worse?
I miss him… every fucking minute of every fucking day I want him to come busting through the door and have some amazing excuse and apology for what he's done. I want him to cry, and beg, and plead, and then I want him to hold me… love me.
Fuck, I'm disgusting. What kind of person wants someone like that back in their lives? What kind of person puts themselves through that kind of torture…
But here I still sit. Staring at that damn phone in the floor.
I've contemplated writing him back since I opened the damn thing, but I knew I couldn't do it while my brothers were watching. And quite frankly I'm not sure I can do it at all… it'll be the first time I've made contact back. Will it open up a can of worms? Will he blow my phone up non stop once he sees that I'm caving.
… Or will he just mysteriously show up like he always does.
My worst fear and my most coveted desire all in one.
…..
4 DAYS LATER
(Third Person POV)
Sam was the first one awake as usual, they hadn't left the motel room that they stopped in after their last hunt, and even though he and Dean had both found multiple hunts to jump on neither of them brought it up… because it was obvious that Emily wasn't ready.
She barely slept, and when she did it was usually because she passed out of exhaustion at 4 am and slept till the brothers began to stir. Sam was careful to be quiet as he scooped her up and placed her in the same spot he had just vacated. Tucking the blankets in around her. He picked up the phone she left laying on the end of the bed and opened it… 4 new messages.
He rolled his eyes as he opened them and read the begging and pleading for a reply. If Sam had his way Emily would never speak to the boy again, but he knew it was just a matter of time before she caved, because she isn't the kind of person to just walk away. She's the kind of girl who wants answers. Wants closure.
"Did he call again?" Dean grumbled as he smoothed down his bed head while sitting up on the side of the bed.
"Texted, multiple times. Again."
"Little shit…" Dean mumbled.
"Dean. I think maybe we need to get out of here. I mean its been the better part of a week, and she's not getting any better. She's just moping."
"Yeah, I know. I figured a couple days and she'd be ready to bounce back… but. This one's really got a hold of her."
"Two more days Dean, then what are we gonna do?"
"I know… 18. It blows my mind Sammy."
"Well it blows my mind she's gonna spend it moping around in this room if we don't snap her out of this."
"I know." Dean sighed. "I know."
Dean's heart was already spinning at the thought of her 18th birthday. His little girl all grown up. He knew the fights would get worse, she would pull the 'adult' card on him the first chance she got when things get heated. And damn he dreaded that. But at the same time he felt a sense of pride for getting her here. It's no secret that their lives are deadly on a daily basis, and for him to have gotten her through it for 18 years gave him a sense of pride and relief he couldn't even describe.
"Tell ya what." Dean said as he stood. "You pack up all our shit, I'll gas up baby, and we'll just drag her ass out of here."
"You sure?" Sam asked.
"Yep. She'll sleep better in the car anyways. Always does."
"Okay. Where we headed?"
"We'll figure that out later, let's just get out of this room before she has a chance to wake up and argue with us."
….
(Emily's POV)
For days I've woken up feeling just as tired as I was when I went to bed, but this time as I stretched I felt relaxed. I felt rested, and then I felt something up against my feet. Hard.
I opened my eyes and quickly realized I was in the backseat of baby. Home. My foot rubbing against the door. I rolled over to lay on my back and stretched as much as I could in the limited space. I let my eyes fall on the roof, the brightness of the sun making me squint slightly.
"Hey there sleeping beauty." Dean teased.
I snickered as I sat up and crawled over the back of the front seat, where they both slid to make room for me to slither between the two of them. I snuggled under Dean's arm and slid my cold toes under Sam's long legs, he must have felt my shiver because he instantly started rubbing against my legs for friction.
"How long was I out?"
"I don't know, what time did you fall asleep?" Sam asked.
"Around the 4th time I finished Me Before You. That one's worse than the notebook." I confessed.
"Well it's about 3 in the afternoon, so probably a solid 10 hours or so."
"Why didn't you guys wake me when we left?"
"Honestly Em, we just thought maybe it'd do you some good to get out of there." Dean said as he leaned down and briefly kissed the top of my head.
"Where's my phone?"
"You don't want it. Trust me."
"Dean…I have to answer him eventually."
"Not really." Sam shrugged.
"Yes really… I just. I don't know."
"Emily you don't have to ever answer him again. You owe him nothing." Sam vehemently explained.
"I know Sam. But he owes me an explanation. And I want one… I'm just scared of what it is."
"Well what is the worst thing he can tell you?"
"That the angels are plotting to kill me? That god doesn't want me to live? That I'm evil?... at the very least he could tell me that he fucked me to get information, and that everything he ever told me was a lie."
"I swear I'm gonna kill him." Dean said gripping his hands on the wheel.
"Not yet." I sighed.
"And what if he comes back and tells you he loves you, that he was forced into this or some shit… then what?"
"Then I don't know Dean. I don't think he was forced… he talked to Castiel like I was his job or something. He didn't seem to have some kind of angelic gun to his head over the last year or so. So I don't know."
"Well I'm as anxious to hear this load of shit come out of his mouth as you are… I say we just meet the kid somewhere, let him talk, and then kill him."
"I… I don't wanna see him yet Dean."
"How have your abilities been?" Sam asked switching subjects.
"Pretty chill since I decided to cry out every ounce of emotion I have."
"Good." Sam nodded.
"If you say so."
"So uh, you got any plans for the next few days?" He smiled to me.
"If you're asking whether or not I want to celebrate that's a hard pass."
"Em you only get one birthday to turn 18. Don't piss it away because of this douche bag."
"It's not just him Sam. We've got shit with the angels, seals breaking and Lucifer trying to crack free, plus we still have Lillith on the to-do list. And if nothing else… there's a ton of hunts waiting for us."
"Are you sure? Maybe you wanna swing through and just have some cheesecake at Bobbys? I know he'd love to see you kiddo." Dean suggested.
"Yeah… I guess that would be okay." I shrugged.
"Okay. I'll let him know we're coming." Sam smiled at me.
"So where are we headed to now?"
"Um, you probably won't remember it cause you were too young but there is a death at Truman High. We're almost into town now. Sam's gonna go have a chat with the girl we think was possessed at the time."
"Truman?" I asked scanning my memories. "How old was I?"
"I don't know. Couldn't have been more than 7? Probably in first or second grade."
"Hmm. Don't remember it."
"Lucky you." Dean sighed.
…..
"So?" Dean asked as Sam climbed back into the car and we pulled away from the nut house.
"I think she's telling the truth. I mean, the way she talked about being there mentally but not physically - kind of sounds like demonic possession to me."
"Kind of?" I questioned.
"She didn't see any black smoke or smell sulfur."
"Maybe it's not a demon. I mean, people do all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons… right? Some people are just shitty." I shrugged. Sam looked down at me sadly.
"Well, I mean, we're already here. Might as well check out the school."
"Right. The school." Dean nodded.
"What?"
"Truman High, home of the Bombers." Dean cheered unenthusiastically.
"What's your point?"
"I mean, we went there, like... for a month a million years ago. Why are you so jazzed to go back?"
"I'm not. I just think it's worth looking into." Sam defended.
"All right, well, what's our cover? Send Em in as a student? What about us?"
"What?! Really? Incase you assholes forgot that didn't go well for us last time."
"Don't worry Em, you won't be in there alone. I got an idea."
"I don't want to be in there at all Sam!"
"C'mon kiddo… you're still young enough to pull it off." Dean pouted with his bottom lip pushed out.
"Ughhhh. FINE! But this is the last fucking time, I am 18 in two days and I am DONE going back to highschool after that!"
"Yeah yeah." Dean rolled his eyes at me.
"This sucks." I sighed as I sat back in the seat and pouted.
….
(FLASHBACK- Third Person POV)
The impala rolled to a stop in front of the main school building, John stopped softly as Dean opened the door and climbed out, no bag in tow, just a pen and pencil tucked into his leather jacket… which also contained a few knives he was sure to hide well.
Sam leaned over and unbuckled Emily's seat belt for her since she always seems to struggle with it, then he climbed out with both their bags in hand before reaching out to help her jump out of the backseat.
"Bye Daddy I love you!" She waved excitedly from the open front passenger window.
"Bye bye babygirl, you listen to your brothers while I'm gone."
"When will you be back?" She asked under long lashes.
"Hopefully in a few days, I'll bring you back a surprise. Okay?"
"Really?!" Her big brown eyes opened wide.
"Promise. Love you babygirl." John smiled as she finally turned back to her brothers. "Dean. Watch them, you know the rules."
"Yes sir, I got em." Dean nodded.
John pulled away and watched in the rearview mirror as his three children moved from the edge of the sidewalk. His heart was used to leaving his children behind, but that never made it hurt any less.
Once away from the road and any listening ears Dean stopped in front of Sam.
"Got your lunch? Books? Butterfly knife?" He asked.
"Yeah, Dean." Sam sighed.
"You okay?"
"Sure."
"What's wrong Sammy?" Emily asked pulling on his sleeve.
"I mean, look, this is the third school we've been to this year, and it's only November. I'm just sick of always being the new kid." He confessed to Dean.
"You'll be fine. If anyone gives you any trouble, you let me know. Relax. Dad said this hunt will take him two weeks, tops. As soon as he gets back, we're out of here."
"Two weeks?" Emily asked sadly. "Daddy said hopefully just a few days."
"I know babygirl, and I hope that's true but I always plan for longer than that." Dean said as he knelt in front of her. "What about you? You got your lunch and your pencil bag?"
"Yes." She nodded. "Dean… will you walk me to class?"
"Of course." He smiled as he kissed her on the cheek, then he turned back to Sam. "I'm gonna take her and then get to class. You good?"
"Yeah it's whatever."
"Hey. Cheer up Sammy… you get to see this cute little bug again in six hours." Dean smiled as he tickled Emily causing her to bust out into laughter. Sam chuckled and kissed the top of her head before he left them and walked into the main building.
"Where's my class at?"
"Well babygirl I think you are in the building over there." Dean pointed to the much smaller building with the attached playground as he began to walk towards it with her in tow.
"How come I can't be in class with you and Sammy?"
"Well. Can you write in cursive yet?"
"No…" She said confused.
"Well you gotta learn that first kiddo."
"Oh. Are my friends from the other school going to be here?"
"No sweetheart, they stayed at the old school. But you will make new friends. You always do."
"De. How come we have to keep making new friends? Do the other ones not like me anymore? Is that why we have to keep leaving?"
"What?" Dean stopped and turned to look her eye to eye.
"Well… I really liked my friends at the last school. But I thought since we had to leave so fast maybe they didn't like me. I don't want Sammy to have to keep leaving because of me."
"No, no no… Em this has nothing to do with you. I promise. We had to leave because Dad had to work. That's why we leave, okay? Your friends always like you."
"Okay." She nodded hesitantly.
"Hey. Guess what I made you for lunch." Dean smiled as he started them walking again.
"I don't know." She shrugged.
"Well guess silly!"
"Ummm… turkey?"
"Nope. PB & J… plus I managed to sneak some cookies in there." Dean winked to her.
"I love PB & J!" She jumped excitedly.
"I know! It's your favorite!"
"Well I'm not sharing it with ANYONE cause I'm gonna be hungry when lunch comes… do you know that lunch is 3 hours away from now! That's like FOREVER De!"
Dean laughed at her dramatic tone.
"It sure is kiddo, okay… this one's you. I'll pick you up outside as soon as class gets out okay?"
"Okay." She nodded up and down.
"Do you remember the rules?"
"Don't talk to strangers. Don't leave with anyone but you or Sammy. And don't take no shit." She smiled.
"Shhhh!" Dean said as he looked around to make sure no one heard. "You're not supposed to say that word and you know it Emily Anne!"
"Well that's the rule you always tell Sammy…"
"Well, that's different."
"How come?"
"Okay. Into class you go! Don't say 'shit' while you're in there." Dean said as he pushed her towards the door before he could get caught up in one of her question games.
"Bye De! Love you."
"Love you." He waved as the door closed behind her.
…..
(Present time- Emily's POV)
"Here is your schedule, and you have the second lunch hour so try and make sure you have a good breakfast in the mornings dear." The secretary smiled as she handed me the papers.
"Thanks." I tried to smile back. Truth is I'm pissed I'm even in this fucking building. I hate high school… nothing good ever comes from working cases in schools.
I started down the hallway to my first class, thank God it was something simple like Art. Doesn't require a lot of thinking ya know? Cause my mind is barely focused enough on this case as it is. Trying to watch for anything suspicious while trying to blend it while trying to forget about the guy that has been lying to you for the last year of your life is a little difficult.
I walked in and was happy to find there weren't conventional desks or tables sprawled out. There were about 15 different stations set up with an easel, blank canvas, and a bucket of various paints. I moved and stood by the one closest to the door, and thankfully away from the group of girls that were gathered on the other end of the room gossiping about something or another. I quietly slid my bag off my shoulder and make sure my knife was well tucked.
I looked around for a stool or anything to sit on, but couldn't find one. I was just about to ask someone when a young 20 something man in a button up and bowtie walked in.
"Morning everyone." He cheered.
"Morning Mr. Tanner." One of the girls in the back smiled widely at him.
Seriously? This guy is the teacher? Good grief… Tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, dark skinny pants to match the bowtie. He's definitely not someone I'd pursue, a little too hipster for my taste but damn I had to admit his ass sure looked nice in those tight pants.
"As you all can see there is a brand new blank canvas in front of you… un- blank it. Paint me something that's weighing on your mind… paint me something that haunts you, that comforts you, or anything in between. But let me see something about YOU. This will be a grade, so please put some effort into it." He added before he sat on the edge of his desk. Everyone in the room quickly began to chat and mingle, swapping paint colors out with the large stack on the table in the corner of the room, throwing paint onto the board and mixing colors.
But I sat and stared at the canvas. I've never painted in my life, and I just knew that I would be embarrassing myself by starting now.
"Excuse me." A voice called from behind. "You must be the new student, I'm Mr. Tanner."
"Yeah, Uh. I'm Emily." I smiled softly.
"Well Emily. I hope you don't mind the seating arrangement in here, but I think the juices flow better when the blood flows better… plus they pretty much make you kids sit on your ass all day long anyways. Figured a change of pace was due."
"Yeah. I was kinda curious about that at first." I nodded. "But I kinda like this better."
"Good… so what are you thinking about painting?"
"Um. I don't know. I've never painted before."
"Never? Not even water paints in kindergarten?"
"Um. Not that I can remember no." I shrugged.
"Well. Your in luck. Cause painting is the easiest thing in the world."
"Uh. I'm not sure I follow?"
"You just pick up the brush, open a color, and let it move you."
"Let it move me?"
"Yes, your brain tells your hand what to do… even if you don't realize where it's going. It'll happen."
"Um. Okay." I said confused.
"I'll check in with you in a bit."
I nodded as he moved onto the next student, and then I turned back to the blank canvas and sighed. I guess when in Rome…
I picked up the brush, and opened the color red. It was stark, and bold, and powerful. I began with small strokes, just filling in blank space, but then they became wider, longer. And more purposeful.
…
When the lunch bell rang I darted into the hall and looked for my next class, but stopped dead in my tracks as I caught a glimpse of Sam at the end of the hall, full janitor suit and all. I shook my head and made my way towards him.
"Seriously? Cleaning toilets was your big plan? Where's Dean. I'd love to see him scrub shit."
"He's not a janitor… Hey. Meet me in the gym on your lunch."
"Sure. Find anything yet?"
"No. Place is clean… well. Not literally clean, but no sulfur."
"Maybe De's right. Maybe she just went crazy."
"I don't know Em. I think there's more to it."
"Okay." I sighed.
"You okay? Anyone giving you a hard time?"
"No big scary brother. No one's picking on me."
"Very funny." He said shooting me the bitch face.
"I'm just as fine as I've been the last few days."
"I wouldn't exactly call that fine Em."
"Call it whatever you want. I'm walking. I'm talking. I even ate a power bar. So I'm making it."
"See you at lunch." He said sadly. I nodded and went back to finding my next class.
….
The next class I had was home-ec. At least Dean had the decency not to put me in a bunch of history and math classes. He knows I hate that shit. Apparently today we're making homemade salsa… I could definitely think of worse ways to spend the next hour.
I was partnered with a guy who seemed more interested in his phone then talking to me… which was fine. I wasn't up for much conversation anyways. Especially with a guy. So while he played some dumb game on his phone, I got out all the stuff to make salsa from the basket placed on our table.
Just as I got halfway through slicing the first tomato I could hear an argument starting from behind us. I casually began to listen.
Some asshole demanding to copy some poor kids homework, sounds like this wasn't the first time, and probably won't be the last.
"Why? Cause you're a stupid, brain-dead dick?" The nerdy kid replied to the asshole, I almost popped a grin.
"I'm gonna shove my fist down your throat, you little freak."
"That fist?"
"Yeah."
But then screams and the sound of the blender erupted, I turned in horror to find the asshole's hand being shredded and blood splattering around them. Everyone screamed, ran, panicked. But I jumped and pulled the kid away by the arm, then the teacher rushed over to us, leading the injured boy out of the room.
I turned back to face the kid who had done it, but when I did he collapsed to the ground.
"EMILY!" I could hear the panic in Sam's voice as he charged into the room.
"I'm here!" I yelled back. "Sam… I think this is ectoplasm." I said as I pointed to the black goo pouring out of his ears.
"What?! Demon's don't leave behind ectoplasm."
"I know… could it be a ghost?"
"He'd have to be hella pissed."
"Alright… go. I'll find you and Dean on break. You don't need to be in here when the teachers get back." I warned him. He nodded, and I sat with the passed out kid until help arrived.
It was then announced that there would be some sort of assembly in the gym during both lunch hours, so I quickly cleaned myself up in the bathroom and made my way to find Sam and Dean.
"Hey." I said as I bumped into them in the halls.
"Hey, you good?" Dean asked taking in notice of the blood on my shirt.
"Yeah. I'm fine."
"What the hell happened in there?"
"The guy was being a jerk, and then the kid just shoved his hand in the blender! But when he passed out he started leaking black goo out of his ear."
"Ectoplasm?" Dean asked.
"Which only comes from a seriously pissed-off spirit. It's got to be ghost possession." I replied.
"Yeah, but that's pretty rare."
"Yeah, but it happens. I mean, they get angry enough, they can take control of a person's body." Sam said siding with me.
"All right, so, what, we got a ghost in the building?"
"Yeah, but where? I mean, there's no EMF. Maybe we could find out who it is, at least. You know, check and see if somebody died bloody around here or something." Sam suggested.
"Way ahead of you. I had to break into the principal's office to get this. Oh, and FYI, three of the cheerleaders are legal. Guess which ones." Dean smiled.
"Dean… they're literally MY age."
At this revelation his face began to fall.
"Alright. That's it! You are NOT turning 18. I forbid it!" He said crossing his arms in defiance.
"Can't stop time De." I reminded him.
"Watch me."
"Dean. Back to the death." Sam said pulling us back on track.
"So, there was only one death on campus. It was a suicide back in '98. Some kid named Barry Cook."
Sam's face instantly fell.
"What?" I asked.
"I knew him. How did he die?"
"He slit his wrists in the first-floor girls' bathroom."
"Damn…" I sighed. That's horrible. "That's where –"
"Right where the chick got swirleyed to death, exactly. So, what? This ghost is possessing nerds?"
"And using them to go after bullies, yeah." Sam agreed.
"Well, does that sound like Barry's M.O.?"
"Barry had a hard time." Sam said sadly.
"I'm sorry Sammy." I said leaning towards him. He didn't respond.
"Alright. So we salt and burn tonight, roll out to Bobby's tomorrow."
"Yeah… yeah." Sam said shaking his head. Something about this case was really eating at him.
…
(FLASHBACK- Third Person POV)
Emily stood right outside the doors of the elementary building and waited for Sam or Dean just like she was told. Her class got out a few minutes before either of theirs so she knew she would have to wait for a little while.
She watched in anticipation as older kids began to leave through the front doors of the main building. She scanned the crowd for sight of either brother, and finally her eyes landed on Sam.
She smiled as he began to walk towards her, but then for some reason he stopped. Emily watched in confusion as Sam and the boy he was walking with were both shoved. She begin to become upset, seeing now that something was wrong.
The boy shoved her brother again, but this time he shoved back.
The boy who stood beside Sam now ran back inside.
She could tell they were arguing, but she didn't know why. The longer Sam stood there the more anxious she became, before she realized it her feet were moving and pulling her closer to the chaos. First at a walk, then a jog, and by the end of it she was running towards him.
She had almost reached the circle of kids when Sam was shoved onto the ground.
"Sammy!" She cried out as she ran to his side.
"LEAVE MY SAMMY ALONE!" She cried at the much older and much bigger boy towering over them.
"It's fine Em, go over there!" Sam said pulling her away from the boy with the mean face.
"HEY! What's going on over there!" A teacher came out and the older kids began to scatter. He grabbed the kid with the mean face by the arm, and dragged him back inside. Emily pulled at Sam's arm in attempt to help him off the ground.
"Sammy, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Em. I promise."
"Why's he being mean to you?"
"Some people are just mean people."
"I don't like him being mean to you." She confessed as a tear slid down her cheek. Sam reached up and wiped it with his thumb. Just then Dean walked towards them.
"There's my two favorite people in the whole world!" He smiled, but it quickly fell as he met eyes with Emily. "What's wrong sweetheart?"
"That boy was mean to Sammy." She sniffled.
"What?" He asked turning to Sam. "Who?"
"It's nothing. Dean."
"Nothing? Is that why you're dirty?"
"The mean boy pushed Sammy down." Emily mumbled.
"That kids dead!" Dean stood and yelled.
"Dean." Sam sighed.
"I'm gonna rip his lungs out!"
"It's not a big deal. "
"Not a big deal? Sammy, look at yourself. If Dad was here –"
"He's not."
"Well, I am! And as soon I'm finished with that dick –"
"Shut up, okay?! I don't need your help."
"That's right, you don't. You could have torn him apart. So why didn't you?"
"Because I don't want to be the freak for once, Dean. I want to be normal."
"So taking a beating - that's normal?"
"I don't want that boy to hurt you Sammy." Emily sniffled.
"He won't Em. I promise." Sam smiled at her.
"C'mon… I think someone needs some ice cream." Dean said as he picked Emily up and sat her up on his shoulders. She giggled with joy. The tears in her eyes gone now, replaced with love.
…
(Present- Emily's POV)
After dark we made our way to the local cemetery and discreetly dug up Barry's grave. Sam's face sullen the entire time. My heart broke for him. I could tell he felt this one… sometimes we get cases you just don't walk away from the same. This was one of those for Sam.
I watched as he hesitated before lighting the match… Dean and I had poured the gas and salt. Sam looked up to us for a split second, then dropped the burning matches into the grave. Sam stared for a moment but then quickly made his way back to the impala, Dean and I followed closely.
Without a word Dean pulled away.
"You all right?" I leaned up over the seat and asked him.
"Barry was my friend. I just burned his bones."
"Well, he's at peace now, Sam." Dean told him comfortingly.
"I mean, if Dad had let us stay just a little while longer, maybe I could have helped the kid, you know?"
"You read the coroner's report same as me. Barry was on every anxiety drug and antidepressant known to man. School was hell for that kid. His parents had split up. He just wanted out. It was tragic, but it's not your fault. To tell you the truth, I'm glad we got out of that town. I hated that school." Dean admitted.
"I can't even remember this school." I shrugged.
"It wasn't all bad." Sam sighed.
"How can you say that after what happened to you?"
"Just forget it…"
Me and Dean shared a quick look in the rear view mirror before I leaned back against the seat and settled in for the rest of the ride back to the motel. Once there I immediately went for a hot shower, trying to beat the boys so I could hog some of the hot water.
I stood under the stream and closed my eyes… but I could still see his face. I do every time I close my eyes. I hear his voice in my dreams. He still floods my senses even when he's not around.
His presence so strong I have to open my eyes again and pull back the curtain to make sure he's not actually in the room.
And when I do I only feel more like a fool.
A stupid, stupid girl.
When I walked out Sam went in and closed the door behind him, leaving Dean and I in the room to watch TV and drink beer. Well… beer for him. Sipping on whisky for me.
He's been pretty lax on me having a drink at night lately… it helps me sleep without the nightmares. I know. Not my best idea for a coping skill but hey. At this point I'm taking what I can get.
"So what's the plan for tomorrow?" I asked as I plopped down beside you.
"Well, you should probably go back for the day, just to make sure nothing happens and that its really over."
"Do I have to?" I pouted.
"I think Sammy would really appreciate it…"
"Fine. For Sammy." I surrendered.
"Hey… did he call you today?"
"Surprisingly no."
"Are you happy about that?"
"I don't know De."
"Well I am." Dean shrugged. "Maybe he's taking the hint."
"We have to talk one day Dean."
"Oh I know, and I am ready… SO ready."
"Well I'm glad one of us is."
"Kiddo I promise… there's nothing he can say that would end the world. I know you're scared, but you gotta do it eventually."
"I know." I whispered.
"Okay I can't stand the look on your face right now… Next subject. You excited about your birthday?"
"Suuuuper." I mumbled sarcastically.
"Come on, Em… its your big 18!" He said leaning forward and trying to get me pumped up.
"It's just another day Dean."
"No.. not its not. It's the day I got you! The day our family became what it is… Em, you are someone to be celebrated. Not blown off, and if you let this douche ruin your birthday I will be PISSED. So get excited kiddo… or you're gonna regret it." He said shooting me a playful warning.
"Thanks De… I think I'm just gonna crash and see if I can get excited tomorrow."
"Okay."
"Keep an eye on 's taking this one hard."
"Yeah I know it… I'll keep an eye on him."
"Okay… you sleeping better?"
"Ehh… No better or worse than you." He reminded me.
"Fair enough. Night De."
"Night kiddo."
….
(FLASHBACK Third Person POV)
"De! I don't wanna go to bed!" Emily pouted with watery sleepy eyes.
"I told you one more episode and you had to go to bed, remember?" Dean reminded her as he crossed his arms. He could see her fighting sleep all through the 20 minute cartoon. The way her eyes fluttered shut, how still she had become, the soft steady breathing pattern, and last but not least the increase in how whiny she was. She was so whiny when she was tired. He couldn't wait for her to grow out of this.
"No…" She began to cry.
"Awww… come on kiddo. Stow the crocodile tears, you know they get me every time." Dean said as he swooped her up in his arms.
"I wanna stay up with you and Sammy."
"I'm sorry babygirl." He mumbled as he kissed her on the cheek before laying her in the bed.
"Don't go De." She said as she wrapped her small arms around his neck. He chuckled.
"Okay… only till you fall asleep."
Dean caved and climbed into the bed and wrapped her up in the blanket before pulling her against his chest and rubbing his hand up and down her arm. He knew this routine… it was the normal for them. She'd beg for him to stay, or she'd cry herself to sleep. But if he could just find five minutes to lay down with her he could have her snoring in less than four, freeing him up for the rest of the night.
So he's learned to spare himself the trouble and just give in at her beck and call.
In what felt like only a minute she was softly snoring against him. He slid her onto the mattress and slowly climbed off of the bed, Emily was none the wiser to his absence.
"Alright… I'll be back, don't open the door for anyone!"
"Yeah yeah…" Sam rolled his eyes as he looked back to the paper he was attempting to write.
"What's eating you?"
"Just go Dean."
"Look… is this because I ate the last taco? Cause I can get more."
"No." Sam sighed.
"… Are you jealous?" Dean asked quietly with an eyebrow raised.
"Yeah, because I had such a good shot with a hot girl way older than me." Sam said rolling his eyes.
"Well then what is your problem?"
"You're spoiling her. She's got to be able to sleep by herself eventually."
"Seriously? That's what your pissy about?"
"Yeah. I mean come on, what am I gonna do when you start running off for weeks at a time too?" Sam shot at him angrily.
Dean nodded, finally realizing what this was about, and it wasn't Emily.
"Sammy… You're not gonna be the new kid forever. I mean you could always just ask dad about a homeschooling program."
"Dean, that wouldn't work and you know it… Dad doesn't want us on record remember?"
"Keep your chin up Sammy. This won't last forever. Promise." Dean said before he shut the door and left.
"Not for me it won't." Sam mumbled to himself in the silence.
….
(PRESENT Emily's POV)
"Hey, we'll be back at lunch, so just suffer through the first few classes okay?" Dean encouraged as I climbed out of the car.
"Yup." I sighed as I slid a shoulder bag over my arm.
"Hey, keep an eye on things in there." Sam called out to me.
"I will, anything spooky shows up and you'll be the first to know." I said as I walked towards the building. I didn't hear the engine roar until my hand reached for the door, knowing my brother's eyes are constantly on me gets old sometimes… but there's not much I can do.
I walked down the hall to the same art class as yesterday, the one with no chairs. Once there I noticed the other students had already began working on their paintings again, I figured it was about 10 minutes early but I might as well do the same.
I gathered my paints and a few brushes and continued where I left off. Eventually the brushes became too edged, too pointed, so instead I just dipped my hand into the paint and smoothed my edges, strokes thick and curved. I didn't even know what it was I was drawing, I just kept going…
"Well… for someone who has never painted before, I'd say you figured it out." A voice from behind me spoke. I turned to meet Mr. Tanner, and his deep beautiful blue eyes.
"Uh. I guess so." I smiled shyly.
"Really, Emily… for your first time this is amazing."
"Thank you."
"Its an Angel right?"
My stomach dropped…
"I'm sorry?" I asked him confused.
"It's an angel. Kind of a dark one, but the wings are spot on." He nodded.
I looked at the picture in its entirety. How I could be the one painting it and not see what I was painting was beyond me… but he was right. It was the dark shape of a man, with red blood and darkness surrounding him- but the wings were stark white.
"Yeah… I guess it is."
"You know I always pictured angels to be glowing, and soft…" He mused.
"Yeah… I did too."
…
The lunch bell rang and I began making my way down the hall and out of the building, but I accidentally bumped into someone while walking.
"Oh! I'm so sorry!" I said as I knelt down to pick up the things she dropped, it wasn't until I stopped and looked up I saw the scowl on her face.
"Watch where you're going Winchester." She spat at me.
"Who are you…"
"Where's Sammy?" She smiled.
"I said who are you!"
It was then I noticed the ectoplasm leaking out of her ears… SHIT! Not Barry!
"That's okay… I'll just take you instead!"
She lunged forward at me and I quickly threw her down, then I grabbed a bag of salt out of my shoulder bag and shoved it down her throat, the ghost was quickly expelled and the girl began to cough. I quickly released her and ran out the doors, once I hit the steps I could see Baby, and Sam and Dean could see me. They jumped out of the car running towards me.
"EMILY! What the hells going on!?"
"GET US OUT OF HERE! NOW!" I said as I pointed them back towards the car, Dean waited until I was within his arms reach before grabbing me and pushing me in front of him. Once in the car Dean peeled out away from the school
"What the hell happened?!" Sam insisted.
"Its not Barry, the ghost… whoever they are, they just attacked me using another kid. I don't know if she saw me or not afterwards, I was trying to get out of there before the teachers showed up."
"Wait what?"
"And it knew me?"
"How?"
"I don't know… It called me Winchester, asked where Sammy was…"
"But. If it's not Barry then who was it?" Dean asked.
"I don't know, De. But this isn't over yet… may have to cancel plans with Bobby if we can't get this wrapped up."
"It's not even noon... we'll figure it out and drive all night if we have to. I'm giving you a birthday dammit." He grumbled.
"Sir yes sir."
"We had to miss something… we need to go back through the papers, see if there is another connection. Something we aren't seeing." Sam interrupted us.
"Well can you two drop me off for a nap while you do that? I'm tired."
More or less I just need some time alone.
"Uh, sure. You feeling okay?"
"I'm fine Dean. I just want to sleep for a while in a quiet room by myself."
"… Okay." He answered hesitantly.
Dean and Sam dropped me off at the motel and were sure to remind me to lock the doors, lay down the salt, and sleep with a gun under the pillow. Then they promised they'd be back in a few hours.
… But I couldn't wait to be alone.
I pulled off my jacket and my boots, and then laid on the stiff motel bed. I reached for my phone and opened the list of unread text messages. Clicking them one at a time to read through his pleas… 'talk to me' 'call me' 'can I see you' 'please let me explain'… and worst of all, 'I wanna see you tomorrow, it's your birthday'.
I thought back on my birthday from last year… the one where I was waiting for Dean to die. The one where a message from Judson sent butterflies loose in my belly, now it puts a pain in my chest. The last year has been such a roller coaster… it's changed who I am.
And almost every damn day of it was spent with him, or thinking about him, or fighting with him… and now I can't even bring myself to speak to him.
I miss his touch. The way he held me… I miss the way I could talk to him about anything. The way he made me talk when I didn't want to, because even though I'd never admit it- It was a relief each and every time to bear my thoughts to another soul. A soul that cared enough to ask…
But I guess when it's your job to ask those questions… you have no other choice.
Pain rolled through my body as sobs took over again. Just when I thought I had cried all I could- here the familiar sensation came again. The pain was suffocating, and when I let it take me over I felt as if I'd never find my way out of it again.
But eventually it lessened, like it always does. And I pull myself to stand, I wash my face, and I shove it back down my throat… like a golf ball through a garden hose.
I laid and waited for sleep to overtake me, but then the phone buzzed again.
Judson: Emily… I miss you.
In my moment of weakness, and clearly some delusion… I began to type.
E: I miss you too.
It wasn't even a half second before it buzzed again.
J: Baby, are you okay?
E: What kind of question is that? From you?
J: I know. I'm sorry… I just. I need to see you.
E: I can't.
J: Please let me explain everything!
E: I can't…
J: Please let me come Em. I need to see you.
E: I'm not ready Jud. I can't do it.
With that I turned off my phone… afraid if I let the conversation keep going that I might not be able to stop myself later.
…
(Third Person POV)
"Dammit… she's got her phone turned off!" Dean growled as they jumped in the impala and sped down the road.
They drove towards where they'd hope the school bus would intercept them. The same school bus they linked all three victims to, the same school bus that holds a piece of hair from the same boy who bullied Sam during his time at the school. The same boy terrorizing the students now.
"Why the hell would her phone be off?" Sam asked.
"I don't know!"
"Well… I mean. We can't really wait to take care of this."
"I know… okay. Lets uh. Let's knock this one out quick… then haul ass back to the motel to beat her if she isn't dead or missing. Or run away to see some dumbass boy again."
"Please. You never even disciplined her as a kid. You'll bitch for a while and be over it."
"Hey… it's not my fault. I was kinda trying to make up for the whole absent father thing."
"Yeah, don't I know it." Sam sighed.
(FLASH BACK)
Emily stood outside the elementary school building close to the side walk… the same place she's stood every day for the last few weeks. Except this time she wasn't anxious or excited for her brothers to come around the corner at any moment. This time she dreaded it.
She held the small white piece of paper in her hand. The one with the big red frown written on it by her teacher. The one that was addressed to her father to inform him that she had hit a boy in the face during recess today. The one that required his signature and requested a parent-teacher conference about her behavior over the last few days.
She knew Sam wouldn't be mad. He never was… but Dean. Dean would be angry.
Not only because she was caught fighting… but because a boy picked a fight with her. Not only would he be angry with her, but he'd be angry at the boy, and that brought on a whole new set of problems. Dean was protective to the bottom of his core, and if a boy even looked at Emily wrong he was behind her, shooting daggers from his eyes at children with no shame.
Emily watched as Sam exited the building first, as usual. And began to walk towards her, he looked up and smiled, but Emily pulled her eyes to the ground with shame. Sam instantly knew something was wrong with her, but he waited until he was in front of her to take the small piece of paper out of her hand and begin reading it.
"Em." He sighed. "What happened?"
Emily simply avoided eye contact and shrugged her shoulders.
"Are you going to tell me?"
Same response.
"Well… if you don't tell me then you'll have to tell Dean."
"Tell Dean what?" Dean's voice boomed behind Sam. Causing him to turn and hand Dean the paper. Dean looked at it briefly before looking up at Emily, seeing the frustration plastered on her face as she stared at the crack in the concrete.
"Alright… I'll look at this at the motel. Let's go." He said as he folded the paper and put it in his pocket.
Sam reached down and grabbed Emily's hand as she hesitantly reached out for him, and the three began the short walk back to the motel. As they walked Dean watched Emily carefully out the corner of his eye. The way she barely pulled her eyes to look up at him, as if she was afraid. Then he noticed she became closer to Sam after every few feet they walked. When they began she was basically being dragged behind him, and now she was practically clinging to his side.
Sometimes he envied Sam. Sam got all the love with half the work… Sam was the 'easy' brother to tackle for Emily. He was all love and no buck. Dean on the other hand had to play all roles when their Dad was gone. Making him the hammer and the heart at the same time.
So when they reached the door of the motel, Emily was hiding behind Sam as the three entered and shut the door behind them.
"Okay…" Dean sighed. "Are you going to tell me what happened before I read this?" He asked as he pulled the piece of paper out of his pocket.
Sam slid Emily's backpack off and set it over the chair at the small table in the corner. Emily held her hands behind her back and pulled at her thumbs as she shuffled on her feet. Her shoulders doing a slight shrug.
"Emily. Tell me the truth."
"That boy was mean to me." She mumbled in a tone that would have been incoherent to anyone other than the trained ears of her brothers.
"Who was mean to you?" Dean instantly asked as he knelt down to get on her level. He grabbed her face and began looking for any sign of a scuffle. He grazed over the features of her face quickly, finding nothing out of place.
"A boy in my class."
"What did he do to you?"
"He…" Emily stuttered. "He. He said that…"
"Said what babygirl?" Dean asked as he realized her eyes were now watering.
"He said that Daddy left me here cause he didn't want me no more." She finally admitted with glossy eyes and a puckered bottom lip.
"What?!" Dean was throttled. He couldn't believe someone had the nerve to say such a thing to a little girl. To HIS little girl. "What's his name?"
"Dean. He's a kid… you can't beat up a kid." Sam softly reminded him as he continued to listen from behind them.
"Shut up." Dean turned and said to him, then he focused back on Emily.
"Babygirl... what did you do after he said that?"
"I punched him in the face and made his nose bleed."
"Good girl." Dean said kissing her on the cheek.
"Dean!" Sam scolded.
"Yeah yeah… Emily, you know that this boy is wrong don't you?"
Emily was hesitant before barely lifting her arms to shrug.
"Em, Dad loves you so much! You are the sweetest girl in his whole world. He's coming back kiddo, just like he always does."
"I don't like it when Daddy leaves."
"I know. We don't like it either… but Dad has to work."
Sam looked down at her, knowing the look on her face all too well from seeing it reflected on his own in the mirror. He hated that the older she got the more she was aware of his absence and the longer he seemed to think it was okay to be gone. The hunts grow longer every time… and she's noticing.
"Hey." He said as he moved to stand in front of her. "What if we went and called Dad, huh? See what he's doing?"
"Are you going to tell Daddy about the note?"
"No sweetheart, Dean will take care of it. Right Dean?"
"Yep. You're not in any trouble this time okay?"
"Promise?"
"I promise babygirl… go call Dad, tell him hi for me." Dean smiled as Sam picked her up and carried her over to the bed where the two of them layed and began to dial their father. Dean took the note and crumbled it in his hand.
…
(PRESENT TIME Emily's POV)
"EM!" Dean yelled, waking me from my slumber.
"What?!" I asked half asleep and panicked.
"Why is your phone off?"
"Oh… Um." I sat up and wiped my eyes. "Judson… we. We just were talking and I didn't want him to keep blowing me up."
"Wait, you talked to him?" Sam interrupted. It wasn't until then I noticed how dirty he was.
"What happened to you ? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine… we wrapped up the case. So what do you mean you talked to him?"
"Um. He texted me when I laid down, and I just… texted back. But. It didn't last long."
"What did he say?" Dean asked with his arms crossed.
"Just. That he missed me…"
"And you said?" Sam pushed.
"I said I missed him too… but I wasn't ready to do this yet."
"So you turned off your phone why?"
"Because I know him… and that isn't an answer that's going to satisfy him. He would have kept on trying, and I was too exhausted to deal with him right now."
"Hmm." Dean pursed his lips. "Sure that's it? You weren't planning on running off again?"
"No… Dean. I. I wouldn't even know where to go at this point. Are the two of you okay? For real? No one got hurt?"
"No. We're fine… feeling like road tripping it to Bobby's?" Dean smiled.
"Sure." I gave him a small smile back.
"Alright! Let's go!" He cheered as he clapped his hands and began to pack the car. He 'discreetly' called Bobby and gave him the heads up we were coming and mentioned something else about 'getting the stuff' so I'm sure whatever I'm walking into will be much more extravagant then I'm really feeling… but the boys are so excited about it. I almost feel bad about not being as excited as they are.
Honestly I should be… this was a day I didn't think Dean would live to see. This is a day I wasn't even sure I would see there for a while...
So why can't I just get out of this funk and enjoy something about this day?
….
"Emily." Sam whispered as he rubbed his arm up and down my shoulder. "Em"
"Hmmmmm…." I mumbled snuggling further into the seat where I fell asleep leaned against him with my feet tucked behind Dean's back.
"Wakey wakey…" Then the volume got much louder, "EGGS AND BAC-Y!" He yelled
I jumped back and shrunk away from the yelling in my ear.
"What the fuck!" I said as I reached over and smacked him. He laughed.
"C'mon kiddo! We're here!" Dean said as he trotted back over to the open driver door and held out a hand to help me out. I took it reluctantly and stepped out, but then was surprised again as he picked me up and threw me over his shoulders.
"DEAN!" I squealed before he smacked my leg and started jogging towards the porch.
"Stop running or you're gonna drop me asshole!" I laughed.
He stopped once we reached the front door and dropped me- literally dropped me.
"Oops! My bad." He giggled as he reached down and helped me up.
"Gee… thanks." I rolled my eyes as I stood.
"Okay. Close your eyes."
"So you can knock me down again?"
"Just do it!" Sam smiled from behind him.
"Fine." I said as I closed my eyes and crossed my arms.
"Okay. Take three steps in." Dean said as he kept one hand on my back and I heard the door in front of me open. I sighed slightly as I reached out in front of me like a blind man and carefully walked through the doorway.
"Okay stop, now stand here and don't open them!" He said as I heard them both shuffle form behind me. I honestly can't even imagine what I'm going to open my eyes to.
"Okay!" Sam yelled. "Open!"
When I did I put my hand to my mouth as I took in the sight before me.
My two idiot amazing lovable adorable maddening brothers were standing on either side of the best uncle and second daddy I could ever have… who had a cheesecake with 18 candles lit and ready in it. Behind them and all around them were streamers and balloons of all different colors. It was literally more than I could have ever imagined or wanted.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" They all yelled in unison. I hid my face with bright red cheeks for a moment before walking up towards them.
"Make a wish darlin." Bobby smiled as he lifted the cake towards me. A tear came to my eye as he winked to me. I didn't realize how much I missed this man until he was right in front of me. I leaned forward and closed my eyes before blowing out all the candles in front of me.
Wishing that nights like this would never end.
Even if it is 4 in the morning and technically not really night anymore.
As the candles went out Dean reached out first and pulled me into a hug.
"Happy Birthday babygirl." He said as he kissed me on the cheek, Sam followed with the same gesture. And then I turned to face Bobby. I jumped forward and he caught me with a huff and both arms.
"Oh Darlin, you just don't know how much I needed that." He grumbled.
"Me too Uncle Bobby." I said holding back the tingle in my throat.
"Let me get a look at you kid." He said as he put me back down. He pretended to turn my head and look me up and down. "Yup. Still the same old Emily… not a day older than six years old."
"Bobby." I laughed as I pushed him lightly. "I'm all grown up now, remember?"
"Yeah yeah yeah… not in this house you're not." He teased. "You three hungry?"
"Bobby its like. 4am... nothings open."
"Who said anything about going somewhere? Don't you think I know the three of you by now." Bobby said as he walked towards the kitchen. We followed him in to find an entire spread of food laid out before us. Cheesecake, pie, steaks, sausage links, giant baked potatoes, mac n cheese, and grilled corn on the cob.
"Oh Bobby you are awesome!" Dean cheered as he nearly ran my over to get to the food and pile up his plate. Sam not far behind him, I stood next to Bobby and watched the two of them raid the kitchen.
"So… how are you really doing?" Bobby leaned over and asked me.
"A lot better now that I'm here." I admitted as I looked up to him.
"Dean told me about the angels and the boy… Emily I'm so sorry. I never knew. I honestly thought his backstory checked out. He had been running with a few hunters for a while now."
"It's not your fault Uncle Bobby… whether you knew of him or not I think we would have all ended up in the same place."
"Darlin… you know that I'd be more than happy to hunt him down."
"Thanks, but if you kill him then I can't get my answers."
"Have you talked to him?"
"Very briefly. I just. I don't know if I can… I don't know if I can be face to face with him again."
"Well Em. It's gonna depend on how bad you want those answers."
"What if they're really bad…"
"Well it's not going to be good. We know it's gonna be bad, but… There's nothing that boy can say that would change the way any of the people in this house are going to love you. It's not going to change the fact that there are jobs. Hunts. Monsters… hell we gotta keep that asshat Lucifer in the cage, and nothing he says is gonna change that. So life will go on Em. Its better to just rip the band-aid… you know that first hand."
"I know." I said sadly.
"C'mon. Let's get you some grub before your idjit brothers eat it all." He said as he swung an arm over me.
"Ha, we may be too late already!"
…
I trotted up the stairs with my bag over my shoulder just as the sky began to lighten, meaning the impending sunrise was soon to come. I was stuff and for the first time in a while had a real smile on my face, maybe this birthday wasn't going to be so bad.
"Em!" Sam yelled. "Let's watch a movie!"
"Okay! Gimme ten minutes to change!" I yelled back down the steps as I reached the top. I opened the familiar door into the only room I've ever known as my own and smiled as the purple walls greeted me again. I pulled off my shirt and jeans and slipped into a pair of shorts and a loose long sleeve shirt I stole from one of the boys. I stepped into the bathroom that adjoined to the room and pulled my hair up into a loose messy bun that flopped over to the side.
That's still acceptable when you're 18 right?
I shrugged and turned to walk back out, but my feet stopped. Turning into concrete blocks as my eyes met his.
"Emily."
His hair was ruffled in ways I had never seen before. Bags under his eyes, and a bouquet of flowers in his hand. He stared at me with intensity hotter than that of the sun. Part of me wanted to run to him, the other part wanted to scream for my brothers.
"Damn you are beautiful." He whispered, then he moved towards me. I immediately stepped back.
"Stop." Was the only word I could get out.
"Em, please… let me-"
"No." I said sternly. "Why are you here?"
"It's your birthday." He answered as If I had stabbed him with my words.
"Why. Are you standing in this room? Are you fucking insane? Do you not remember the three men downstairs?"
"Emily I… I had to see you." He pleaded as he moved closer to me, again I backed up. "Please." He whispered.
"You shouldn't be here." I shook my head.
"I can explain Em, if you'll just let me!"
"I can't." I admitted as a single tear fell.
(Third Person POV)
"What the hell's taking her so long?" Dean mumbled as Sam popped in the movie and sat on the couch next to him.
"I don't know. She's a girl." Sam shrugged.
"Go get her."
"No. You go get her."
Dean stared at him for a moment before raising his hands in a challenge of rock-paper-scissors. Sam rolled his eyes and quickly defeated Dean- who left the couch with a grumble and a mumbled curse word or two. He trotted up the stairs quietly and got to Emily's door, moving to knock on it before he heard her voice… and then another.