Author's Note: Thank you so much to the sweet Ladysunshine6 who is always encouraging me and supporting to me, and letting me vent about my troubles. Thank you for you imagination and creativity, this chapter is improved because of your wonderful ideas! I hope you and everyone else enjoy it, and the ones to come! We are not far from the season finale now! … Getting excited to introduce a few characters into our story! Please READ and REVIEW! I LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU GUYS. Reviews literally make my day. Love you all. Till next time!
(Third Person POV)
"Ruby will meet us outside Cheyenne. She's been tracking some leads. I know she's not exactly on your Christmas list, but if she can help us get to Lilith—" Sam started.
"Hey, man, work with Ruby, don't. I don't really give a rat's ass." Dean shrugged.
"What's your problem?"
"Pamela didn't want anything to do with this and we dragged her back into it, Sam."
"Shhh… you'll wake up Em. She was upset enough about that last night." Sam said as he looked into the backseat where she laid asleep. She had been sleeping on and off since they split ways with Judson. She seemed uninterested in sleeping when he was there, which drove Sam crazy. He turned back to face Dean. "She knew what was at stake."
"Oh yeah. Saving the world. And we're doing such a damn good job of it."
"Dean-"
"I'm tired of burying friends, Sam. I'm tired of watching Em take on that guilt… hell I'm tired of taking it on."
"Look, we catch a fresh trail—"
"And we follow it, I know. Like I said, I'm just—I'm just getting tired."
"Well, get angry."
…..
(Emily's POV)
"Ah… home crappy home." Dean said as he unlocked the motel door and I stumbled inside behind him in the dark.
"I'm hungry." I mumbled as Sam flipped on the lights.
"Winchesters." A deep voice pulled my attention away from my growling stomach.
"Uriel." I replied stiffly. Then looked beside him… Castiel. He looked at me with some sort of emotion in his bright blue eyes, but I couldn't decipher it. He merely continued to stare at me until Dean spoke.
"Oh come on." Dean groaned loudly.
"You are needed." Uriel replied.
"Needed? We just got back from needed."
"Now, you mind your tone with me."
"No, you mind your damn tone with us. Incase you forgot, you're still on my shit list." Dean warned him as he moved to stand closer to me.
"We just got back from Pamela's funeral." Sam added annoyed. "Do we really have to deal with this right now?"
"Pamela. You know, psychic Pamela? You remember her? Cas, you remember her. You burned her eyes out. Remember that? Good times. Yeah, then she died saving one of your precious seals. So maybe you can stop pushing us around like chess pieces for five freaking minutes!" Dean then yelled angrily.
"We raised you out of hell for our purposes." Uriel reminded him.
"Yeah, what were those again? What exactly did you want from me?"
"Start with gratitude."
"Start with fucking off." I shot back. He sent me a look full of distain and what I could only describe as hate.
"Emily please." Castiel spoke.
"You have no right to talk to her. You speak to me." Dean cut him off before he could continue.
"Dean, we know this is difficult to understand."
"And we…" Uriel paused to look at Castiel. "Don't care. Now. Seven angels have been murdered, all of them from our garrison. The last one was killed tonight."
"Demons? How they doing it?" Dean asked.
"We don't know."
"I'm sorry, but what do you want us to do about it? I mean, a demon with the juice to ice angels has to be out of our league, right?" I stopped and asked. "Or are you wanting to use me for a test run?"
"We can handle the demons, thank you very much." Uriel snarked.
"Once we find whoever it is." Castiel added.
"So you need our help hunting a demon?" Dean asked.
"Not quite. We have Alastair."
"Great. He should be able to name your trigger man."
"But he won't talk. Alastair's will is very strong. We've arrived at an impasse."
"Yeah, well, he's like a black belt in torture. I mean, you guys are out of your league."
"That's why we've come to his student. You happen to be the most qualified interrogator we've got." Uriel smiled. Dean instantly looked down to the floor. I could see the terror in his eyes.
"Dean, you are our best hope." Castiel added.
"No. No way. You can't ask him to do this, Castiel. Not this." I begged moving to stand in front of him. Uriel moved towards me. I shrank back at his wide steps.
"Who said anything about asking?"
(Third Person POV)
As soon as Uriel spoke the words, Sam was alone in the motel room. He began spinning in circles, wondering why in the hell they took Emily as well.
"DAMMIT!" He yelled in frustration.
….
Dean's eyes stared through the window in the door. Alastair was chained up, standing in the middle of a very advanced devil's trap. Staring back at Dean.
"This devil's trap is old Enochian. He's bound completely." Castiel explained from behind Dean.
"Fascinating." Dean flatly replied as he turned away from the door.
"Where's the door in here?"
"Where are you going?"
"Hitch back to Cheyenne, thank you very much." Dean began to walk, passing the angels, until Uriel blocked his path.
"Angels are dying, boy."
"Everybody's dying these days. And hey, I get it. You're all-powerful. You can make me do whatever you want. But you can't make me do this."
"This is too much to ask, I know. But we have to ask it." Castiel spoke calmly, Dean faced him, then turned back to Uriel.
"I want to talk to Cas alone."
"I think I'll go seek revelation. We might have some further orders."
"Well, get some donuts while you're out."
"Ah, this one just won't quit, will he? I think I'm starting to like you, boy." Uriel laughed before vanishing.
"You guys don't walk enough. You're gonna get flabby." Dean commented turning to face Castiel. He doesn't react. "You know, I'm starting to think junkless has a better sense of humor than you do."
"Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone."
Dean rolled his eyes but walked up towards Castiel.
"What's going on, Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?"
"My superiors have begun to question my sympathies."
"Your sympathies?"
"I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgment. And the fact that I allowed Judson to carry on a relationship with Emily doesn't help. I do truly sympathize for her. I hope that you know that our intentions were never to hurt her."
"We're not talking about that. Not right now. You need to tell Uriel, or whoever,… you do not want me doing this. Trust me."
"Want it, no. But I have been told we need it."
"You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out."
"For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this." Castiel responded. Dean stepped to the side and ran his hand over his face. Gathering his thoughts as he closed his eyes.
"If I do this… I want something in return."
"Anything I can do, I will."
"Emily. I don't want Uriel in the same room as her. EVER again. He is never to speak to her. Look at her. Intimidate her. Haunt her in her dreams… nothing."
"I'm sure that is an easy contract to draw, I do not anticipate my superiors finding an issue within your request."
"… Cas. Whatever happens in this room. You can't let them know."
Castiel nodded in understanding.
….
(Emily's POV)
"Dammit…" I whispered as I struggled against the ropes that bound my hands behind me.
"HELLO!" I yelled again. Sitting in a dark room, barely able to see my feet below me. There was a door, I could see light coming under the crack, but that was it.
"Dammit! HELLO!" I began to get frustrated. I can burn through ropes without a problem… why are these so damn difficult?!
Suddenly footsteps approached. I could see them under the crack of the door. I froze. Holding my breath. The door creaked as it slowly pushed open.
"You?" I asked in surprise.
"Do not speak to me maggot… you are not worthy to be in my presence." Uriel growled as he shut the door behind him. It was dark for only a moment before there was suddenly light in front of me. Through a large window… there he was. Alastair.
"What the hell is this?" I asked him.
"This… is for my own amusement. Don't worry. They can't hear you. See you. And those ropes? They're weaved with Enochian gold. Even you can't break through them."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because I want you to suffer before I end your miserable pathetic life. An abomination like you only stands in the way of Lucifer. Will only distract him from his purpose. And I can't have that…"
"Lucifer? …. You want the seals to break. You want him to break loose don't you?" I asked in shock.
"I want to be led by a TRUE leader. I want to be recognized for my hard work and loyalty."
"You're a psycho." I shook my head.
"And you… are finally going to die. Don't worry. He knows how to get in when the time is right."
Uriel laughed as he walked back towards the door.
"Wait! WAIT!" I screamed.
"HELP!" I begged. "HELP! CASTIEL!... JUDSON!"
…
(Third Person POV)
Dean wheeled a loaded cart covered with a cloth into the room where Alastair is imprisoned, Alastair watches and begins to sing. Moving his chains as if he was dancing with excitement. Emily watched through the double mirror in fear, knowing that the man she's known her whole life is fixing to become someone else… someone he can't stand to be.
"Heaven, I'm in heaven, and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak. I seem to find the happiness I seek, when we're out together dancing cheek to cheek..." Alastair sang, then stopped. Laughing as Dean pulls the cloth off of the cart. Dean ignored him, and didn't realize he was facing the mirror, where Emily sat on the other side. Screaming out his name.
"I'm sorry. This is a very serious, very emotional situation for you. I shouldn't laugh, it's just that—I mean, are they serious? They sent you to torture me?"
"You got one chance. One. Tell me who's killing the angels. I want a name." Dean replied.
"You think I'll see all your scary toys and spill my guts?"
"Oh, you'll spill your guts, one way or another. I just didn't wanna ruin my shoes."
"Oh, yeah."
"Yeah. Now answer the question."
"Or what? You'll work me over? But then, maybe you don't want to. Maybe you're, ah, scared to." Alastair taunted him with a devilish girn.
"I'm here, aren't I?"
"Not entirely. You left part of yourself back in the Pit. Let's see if we can get the two of you back together again, shall we?"
"You're gonna be disappointed." Dean announced as he walked over towards the cart. Emily could see the panic in his eyes when his back was to Alastair.
"You have not disappointed me so far. Come on. You gotta want a little payback for everything I did to you. For all the pokes and prods. Hm?"
"No? Um...how about for all the things I did to your daddy?"
Dean lifts his head and stares straight ahead biting his lip.
….
"I can still smell them. Seriously, Sam, I'm not exactly dying to tangle with angels again." Ruby said as she walked through the motel door.
"I need you to find out where they took Dean and Emily."
"Not sure I see the problem. You know they have Alastair strung up six ways from Sunday. Emily can't interfere. Dean cuts himself a slice, Al's reduced to a quivering heap, and the good guys get the goods. What's wrong with that?"
"He can't do it. And we have no idea what they could be doing with Emily right now."
"Look, I get it. You don't want him going all torture master again." Ruby rolled her eyes.
"No. I mean, he can't do it. He can't get the job done. Something happened to him downstairs, Ruby. He's not what he used to be. He's not strong enough. And if they've got Em locked up somewhere then she's no help and this is going to go bad."
"So what, you're strong enough?"
"I will be."
"I'm all game for this Sam, you know I am. But I still can't help you find them."
"Dammit…"
"You know who you need to call."
"Who?"
"The angel's little bitch boy, if anyone can track down Emily its going to be him."
"No."
"Well… then I guess call me when you find them." Ruby said walking towards the door.
"WAIT!" Sam yelled in frustration. Ruby turned to face him. "Fine. I'll call him."
Ruby crossed her arms and watched as Sam picked up the phone and started dialing the number.
"Hello?" Judson answered.
"Hey it's Sam. We got a problem."
"Whats going on?"
"Emily and Dean. They're gone."
"Gone?!"
"Yeah. Your damn angel buddies stormed in here, demanding that Dean help them torture Alastair and then suddenly he and Emily were both gone."
"Why did they take Emily?"
"I don't know. Was hoping maybe you could fill in the missing pieces."
"No. I don't know anything about this, I haven't spoken to Castiel since Pamela died. I was told he was preoccupied."
"We need to find them. Now."
"Where are you? I'll head there now."
…..
"I had your pop on my rack for close to a century." Alastair teased. Emily's stomach rolled at the thought.
"You can't stall forever." Dean warned.
"John Winchester. Made a good name for himself. A hundred years. After each session, I'd make him the same offer I made you. I'd put down my blade if he picked one up."
"Just give me the demon's name, Alastair."
"But he said nein each and every time. Oh, damned if I couldn't break him. Pulled out all the stops, but John, he was, well, made of something unique. The stuff of heroes. And then came Dean. Dean Winchester. I thought I was up against it again."
Dean tipped a bottle to his lips, undoubtedly filled with whiskey.
"But daddy's little girl, she was his weak spot… he almost gave in when it came to her. But you. You broke the moment I dragged her into your mind. You broke in thirty. Oh, just not the man your daddy wanted you to be, huh, Dean?"
Emily's mind spun in circles… how was she the downfall? How
Dean put down the whiskey bottle, and then picked up a bottle of holy water.
"Now we're getting somewhere. Holy water? Come on. Grasshopper, you're gonna have to get creative to impress me." Alastair laughed. Dean finally looked up to him.
"You know something, Alastair? I could still dream. Even in hell. And over and over and over, you know what I dreamt? I dreamt of this moment. And believe me, I got a few ideas."
Dean filled a large syringe with a long needle on the end with holy water, then he walked over to Alastair.
"Let's get started." Dean smiled.
Alastair's screams rang in Emily's ears as she pinched her eyes closed. Castiel turned towards the door but knew not to approach it. Not to add to difficulty Dean was experiencing.
"Oh, man. Ooh." Alastair groaned as Dean put the needle back down on the cart.
"Let me know if you want some more. There's plenty left."
"Go directly to hell. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars." Alastair growled.
Dean smiled. Enjoying the pain in his voice. Enjoying the feeling of control.
….
A knock on the door pulled Sam's attention. He opened it and Judson stepped through.
"Okay, so I can't get any answers on Castiel's whereabouts, but I'm assuming wherever he is, they are too. Now if they're holding Alastair captive, they're going to want to be hidden. They're going to go to some place way off the map."
"Off the map?" Sam asked.
"Well. Not literally… at least I hope." Judson said as he lifted a map and spread it out over the table. He dumped out a few items and began to set up some kind of spell.
"I can't track the angels." He admitted. "But I can track Emily."
"How?" Ruby asked.
"A blood spell."
"Blood? Where in the hell did you get her blood?" Sam asked angrily.
"Don't worry. She wasn't harmed, It's something I gathered a long time ago incase of situations, like these."
Judson finished the incantation for the spell and the map began to burn on the edges, it burned until all that was left was a city.
"There. She's somewhere there. I should be able to sense her once we get close enough."
"Great. Let's go." Ruby said turning towards the door.
"Sam… can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Ruby. We'll be out in a minute." Sam said nodding her off. "What?"
"Look. Ruby coming with us is dangerous. If she walks into an angel territory, she'll be killed instantly. And maybe you too for just being with her."
Sam pondered the thought for a moment.
"Look… I need some time with her, to prep. Can you meet me in that town?"
"Yeah. Sure." Judson nodded, but he was certainly curious what exactly it was Sam was prepping for.
"Okay. I'll meet you there."
…..
"There's that little pig-poker. I wondered where it went." Alastair said as Dean lifted Ruby's knife. He then pour holy water over the blade. "Do you really think this is gonna fix you? Give you closure? That is sad. That's really sad. Sad, sad."
Dean approached him quietly, sadistically. Then stabbed the knife into him, his eyes smiled as it sizzled.
Emily watched, like a train wreck you couldn't look away from.
She had seen him angry.
She had seen him emotionally beat down.
She had seen him cross a line.
But she had never seen this Dean before. A Dean who truly and honestly enjoyed the pain he was inflicting. A Dean who knew the worst of ways to hurt someone. His creativity in this session was horrifying. All she could do is close her eyes and try to convince herself that it was HER Dean that was somewhere in that room. Somewhere… her Dean was still there. Afraid. In pain. Looking for a way to get out.
"I carved you into a new animal, Dean. There is no going back." Alastair taunted. The words ringing in Emily's ears.
"Maybe you're right. But now it's my turn to carve."
"No!" Alastair screamed as Dean carved a chunk of his body and watched it fall to the floor. Emily held back the urge to vomit as she watched Dean practically fillet the demon right before her eyes.
What she didn't see however, was the leaking faucet, blurring the line of the devil's trap.
….
Outside of the room Castiel listened to the screams. Waiting patiently for the deed to be done, until he sensed something. Someone.
"Anna." He said before turning to face her.
"Hello, Castiel."
"Your human body—" He wondered as he took in her familiar appearance.
"It was destroyed, I know. But I guess I'm sentimental. Called in some old favors and..." Anna was cut off by the screams ringing throughout the building.
"You shouldn't be here. We still have orders to kill you."
"Somehow I don't think you'll try. Where's Uriel?"
"He went to receive revelation."
"Right." She scoffed. "Why are you letting Dean do this?"
"He's doing God's work."
"Torturing? That's God's work? Stop him, Cas, please. Before you ruin the one real weapon you have."
"Who are we to question the will of God?"
"Unless this isn't his will."
"Then where do the orders come from?"
"I don't know. One of our superiors, maybe, but not him. The father you love. You think he wants this? You think he'd ask this of you? You think this is righteous?"
Castiel looks away from her.
"What you're feeling? It's called doubt." She said as she reached out and touched his hand. "These orders are wrong and you know it. But you can do the right thing. You're afraid, Cas. I was too. But together, we can still—"
"Together?" He asked as he yanked his hand away from her. "I am nothing like you. You fell. Go."
"Cas."
"Go."
Anna vanished as Alastair's screams filled the room again.
….
Dean slowly and twistingly pulled the knife out of Alastair, who's head falls forward, Dean tilts it forward, ignoring the blood pouring onto his hand.
"Now it's your professionalism that I respect." Alastair laughed. Dean turned away disgusted, Alastair spitting blood from behind him. Dean picks up a bottle of holy water and then walks back over to Alastair, grabbing his chin and tilting it upwards as he poured the liquid down his throat.
"Who's murdering the angels?" He asked coldly as Alastair choked and sizzled in pure pain. He screams and thrashes in the chains. Eventually spitting out the blood and holy water as Dean stopped.
"You're just not getting deep enough. Well, you lack the resources. Reality is just, I don't know, too concrete up here. Honestly, Dean..." Alastair spoke through a raspy voice. "You have no idea how bad it really was, and what you really did for us."
"Shut up." Dean whispered.
"The whole bloody thing, Dean. The reason Lilith wanted you there in the first place."
"Well, then I'll just make you shut up." He said as he grabbed his chin once again.
"Lilith really—" He began but Dean poured salt down his throat and cut him off. When Dean finished he stepped away, and Alastair spewed blood and salt in a desperation to get air into his lungs.
"Something caught in my throat. I think it's my throat." He jokes.
"Well, strap in, 'cause I'm just starting to have fun." Dean said as he walked back over to his cart.
"DEAN!" Emily screamed. "Dean… please."
She began to cry in desperation.
"Please stop…. Please.. HEAR ME!"
"It was supposed to be your father." Alastair mumbled. Causing both Dean and Emily's heads to lift upwards. "He was supposed to bring it on. But, in the end, it was you."
"Bring what on?" Dean asked as he poured water and salt over the knife while facing away from Alastair.
"Oh, every night, the same offer, remember? Same as your father. And finally you said, "Sign me up." Oh, the first time you picked up my razor, the first time you sliced into that weeping bitch..."
Dean turned to face him.
"That was the first Seal."
"No…" Emily whispered. "No no no…"
She knew the guilt he carried would only be magnified by this… it couldn't be true. It just can't. He can't bear anything more.
Dean however didn't react. He only walked closer to Alsastair.
"You're lying." He spoke.
"And it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in hell. As he breaks, so shall it break." Dean turned away from him. Emily could only watch the shock on his face as this reality sank in. She struggled against her ropes in attempt to get to him. "We had to break the first seal before any others. Only way to get the dominoes to fall, right? Topple the one at the front of the line. When we win, when we bring on the apocalypse and burn this earth down, we'll owe it all to you, Dean Winchester."
Dean's eyes closed.
"Believe me, son, I wouldn't lie about this. It's kind of a religious sort of thing with me."
"No. I don't think you are lying. But even if the demons do win..." Dean stated as he lifted Ruby's knife to his face to examine it. "You won't be there to see it.
Emily was the first to see… the first to notice as Alastair broke free of his chains from behind Dean's back. Silently approaching him without warning.
"NO! DEEAN!" Emily screamed and thrashed.
She continued to scream his name as he turned and Alastair was only inches behind him.
"You should talk to your plumber about the pipes." Alastair smiles before punching him and knocking him to the ground. Proceeding to beat him until blood splattered onto the window Emily sat behind.
(Emily's POV)
"NOOO! Somebody! Please!" I begged as Dean's blood mixed with Alastairs and began to splatter on the window in front of me.
But then he stopped. And he stood… looking through the window. Directly at me.
I froze. My breath held in my throat.
"Oh Emily Anne… I know you're there." He taunted me. I swallowed and tried again to break free of the ropes that bound me as he reached up and shattered the glass that separated us.
"What the hell do you want from me!" I demanded as he stepped through the window effortlessly. Knife in hand.
"Did you enjoy the show? Huh? Big brother become what you always dreamed he would?"
"FUCK you!"
"Oh, sweetheart. Don't tease me. Do you want to know a little secret?"
He leaned down close to my body, I shrunk away from him, but could only go so far bound to the chair.
"You're the reason he caved." He whispered into my ear. "You see… I can do many many things in the realms of hell. I can make people see things. Hear things. Ohhh, when he heard you and Sammy scream under my knife. When he saw the blood spew from your body. How could he say no any longer? After all… you two are his weak spot. But you… you are special to him. How's about we try this in real life?"
I screamed out as he cut into my body.
"How about another scar to match the one you already have?" He laughed as I screamed out in pain.
….
Castiel becomes concerned by the sound of silence coming from the room. When he approached the window, he found the trap empty. He immediately burst into the room. Finding Dean unconcious and bloody, and Alastair out of sight for the moment. But then he heard her screams.
He rushed over to the shattered window and there he found Alastair, knife driven from his hand into Emily's abdomen.
"STOP!" He commanded. Alastair stood, and threw the knife down as he faced Castiel.
"Well, like roaches, you celestials. Now, I really wish I knew how to kill you. But all I can do is send you back to heaven." Alastair said as he and Castiel began to struggle, ending with Castiel against the wall.
Just as he began the chanting to send Castiel out of his vessel, he began to choke. His grip became weak.
"Pet tricks." He grumbled as he released Castiel and he slid to the floor.
"Who's murdering the angels? How are they doing it!" Sam asked with his hand raised to Alasatair.
"You think I'm gonna tell you?" He mocked and laughed.
"Yeah I do." Sam smiled as he twisted his hand and Alastair's eyes rolled white and he began to choke.
Once Alastair was distracted Judson charged past him and into the room where Emily laid bound to the chair, bleeding onto the floor.
"Oh god… Em… Em wake up!" Judson said as he tapped her cheek. She came to quickly. Feeling fire in her hands, as the ropes continued to bound not only her wrists, but the energy that was attempting to escape them.
"Untie me… Please." She begged.
"Okay baby. Hold on." He said as he reached behind her and began to release her. Once she was released she instantly crawled to the broken window and used it to lift her bleeding body to stand. She looked down to Dean laying unconscious in the floor, then up to where Sam held Alastair.
"Em baby we gotta get you outta here, your bleeding." Judson panicked as he took off his jacket and used it to hold pressure against her wound.
"No… Not yet." She growled in anger.
"How are the demons killing angels?" Sam asked again.
"I don't know." Alastair confessed.
"Right."
"It's not us. We're not doing it."
"I don't believe you."
"Lilith is not behind this. She wouldn't kill seven angels. Oh, she'd kill a hundred, a thousand."
Sam stops and released him.
"Oh, go ahead. Send me back, if you can." Alastair taunted.
"Who said anything about sending you back?!" Emily spat at him in rage. She lifted one of her hands and it began to glow red, she screamed as she focused all of her anger, all of her rage, her pain at him. Alastair's feet lifted off the ground, and the veins in his face began to blow bright red. Starting from his feet, his body turned to ash, and his screams dissipated as he began to parish before Sam's eyes.
Once he was gone Emily collapsed to the ground.
"NO!" Sam yelled angrily. "I could have done it!"
"Sam! She's bleeding…" Judson yelled back at him.
Sam's anger was fleeting, he looked down to Dean, then over to where Judson lifter her body. He rushed over to the window and took her from Judson as he passed her through the broken glass carefully.
"We gotta get them to a hospital." Sam said as he cradled her against him.
"Castiel!" Judson called out, but he was nowhere to be found.
…..
(Emily's POV)
The beeping was endless, and annoying as hell. It was a rhythm. Beep. Beep. Beep.
I pulled my eyes open in attempt to find its source, and destroy it. But when I opened my eyes they met Judson's. And the beeping was soon forgotten.
"Hey baby." He whispered as he reached up and pushed my hair out of my face.
"Hi." I mumbled. "Are we in another fucking hospital?"
"Yeah. You and Dean were in pretty rough shape."
"Is he okay?"
"Well. Hes stable. He'll recover, it will just take some time."
"I wanna see him." I said moving to sit up. But the pain put me back down quickly. "Shit."
"Baby, there's somethings we need to talk about before you go see Dean."
"What?"
"Let me go get the doctor." He said as he kissed the top of my head and left.
He returned a few moments later, a doctor behind him.
"Hi Emily, I'm Dr. Stansen." She said as she walked over and shook my hand.
"What's going on?" I asked looking between her and Judson. "Where are my brothers?"
"Sam is with Dean. We'll go see them in a minute. I promise."
"Emily, there is something I need to discuss with you, we can do this in private if you'd like."
"He's fine. Just tell me what the hell is going on."
"The cut on your abdomen, sits very low. The knife penetrated and sliced through your uterus. We were able to repair it, but there is going to be a large amount of scar tissue there when it finishes healing."
"What does that mean?"
"Emily I'm terribly sorry, but your body will be unable to carry a child. You will not be able to have children of your own."
"What?" I whispered.
"Your ovaries are intact, and will continue to cycle like normal, but your uterus will never be able to carry a pregnancy to term, you would most likely miscarry early in the first trimester if you were to get pregnant."
"Are we done." I said as I looked down at my hands.
"Yes maam, I know this is a lot to take in. Please don't hesitate to ask for me if you have any questions."
She stood and left the room, leaving Judson and I alone.
I mean… its not like I had ever really planned to become a mom. Its not like I had baby names picked out for 'one day' down the road. Hell. I don't even really expect to ever end up married… but. Having the choice taken away from me feels worse than I would have thought.
"Em." He mumbled as he sat down on the side of the bed. I pulled on his arm and scooted, silently asking for him to lay beside me. He did, and I buried my face into his chest. I just wanted to be close to him right now. I just wanted t+/-o be safe. "I'm so sorry baby."
"Why? It's not like I was gonna have kids anyways."
"It's my job to protect you."
"Even you can't protect me from the angels."
"What?" He asked as he pulled back to look me in the eye.
"Uriel. He took me… He's been killing the angels. I thought you guys knew?"
"We gotta go find Castiel. Now." Judson said as he unhooked my IV and lifted me out of the bed. He discreetly carried me to a wheelchair, where he then took us onto the elevator and down three floors. Once the doors opened I could see Sam and Castiel in the hallway arguing.
We approached them quickly, Sam looked down and met my eyes.
"Em." He said as he moved to squat in front of me. "Did you talk to the doctors?"
"Yeah. I know." I said looking down at my hands.
"I'm so sorry sweetheart. I'm so sorry."
"it's fine Sammy." I tried to tell him as I pushed on a brave face.
"Emily, tell Castiel what you just told me."
I sighed and looked up to the angel, he seemed troubled, and I was fixing to add to that.
"Uriel… he put in those ropes. He made me watch everything… he told me about how he was finally going to end my pathetic miserable life, and then he talked about how he couldn't wait for Lucifer to rise and to be recognized by a true leader."
"What?!" Sam asked angrily. "DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?!"
Sam pushed Castiel against the wall.
"Sam stop! He didn't know!" I demanded.
Sam released him and turned back towards me.
"I'm sorry. I have to go… apparently we have matters to gather control over. I am truly sorry."
Just like that the Castiel was gone.
"How is Dean?" I asked as I leaned to look into his room. His eyes were closed and there was a tube in his mouth breathing for him. I haven't seen him this bad since the car wreck. It made the pit of my stomach roll.
… So many similarities between then and now. Except for Daddy.
"He's stable. They're hoping to pull the tube out tonight. He's doing better Em. How bout you?" Sam asked as he pushed me into the room and sat down beside me.
"I'm okay."
"Are you really?"
"Yes. Sam…"
"Em don't lie to me."
"Sam. I'm still processing it okay? I don't… I don't know how I feel yet."
"Well. When you do, please talk to me about it. I'm worried bout you kiddo."
"I'm okay. Really. As soon as I'm not you'll know."
….
I spent all night at Dean's bedside, Judson and Sam took turns sitting with me and trying to convince me to go back to my own room, but the truth was that I'm stable. I'm stitched up. And I'll just be sitting around or walking around anyways. I might as well do it in here with Dean.
The doctors keep talking about taking out the tube and waking him up, but it's taking a while to get his body ready for that.
"Okay. I've had the vent on its lowest settings for an hour now. He's maintained so lets extubate." They said as they came into the room. Sam stood, and I pulled up to stand beside him. We watched as the deflated and removed the tube, Dean began to cough, and they suctioned out his airway.
Finally is eye opened and he began to stir as they finished and walked out of the room.
"Em." He mumbled as his eyes met mine.
"I'm here De… we're okay. Alastair's dead."
He nodded.
"Hey man. You get some rest. We aren't going anywhere." Sam sad as his eyes began flutter closed again.
…..
"I still don't see why I have to spend the night in my room instead of Dean's." I grumbled as Judson wheeled me back up to my room.
"Because he needs the rest and so do you. He'll still be there in the morning when you wake up."
"I don't wanna be alone tonight." I confessed as I transferred from the chair to the bed.
"Sweetheart. They would have to drag me out in chains to keep me from staying with you tonight. I'm not going anywhere."
"Thank you." I whispered.
"Please. Don't do that… if anything I should still be apologizing."
"Jud. You couldn't have stopped Uriel. All that matters now is that we're all okay, and he's going to be dealt with."
"He will babe, trust me. Castiel won't just let this go. Neither will the upper ranks."
"Good." I said as I cuddled against him on the small bed.
"Hey Jud… Can I ask you something."
"Anything babe."
"How did Sam do what he did? I mean… I've tried to hold Alastiar back before, he's strong. Really strong."
"I don't know Em. I know he was with Ruby before we showed up."
"Great." I sighed as my stomach sank. Fucking Ruby.
"I'm sorry hun… he insisted that he needed her help to prepare."
"I don't like the sound of that."
"I know."
"… Are you going to stay with us?"
"If you want me to."
"I don't wanna be without you anymore." I admitted softly. "I miss you every day… and Its been weeks."
"Well then wild horses couldn't drag me away." He smiled as he leaned down and kissed me.
"I like that song." I smiled.
"I really have missed you…" He said as kissed down my cheek to my chin, then back up to my lips.
"I'm just trying to forget all this angel bullshit… put it behind us."
"It's not gonna be that easy sweetheart."
"I know." I sighed knowing he was right, the angels probably aren't going anywhere anytime soon. Especially after what I did to Alastair.
"Are they asking about how I did it?"
"Yes." Judson admitted solemnly. Then he lifted one of my hands. "But they are also discussing the fact that the enochian gold was able to contain you."
"Is that because Luficer is an angel?"
"Probably so."
"So what, they'll just lock me up forever if I don't do what they want?"
"Don't get ahead of yourself sweetheart. We're just taking this one day at a time."
"Yeah." I mumbled cuddling into him, feeling sleep start to creep up on me.
….
"Morning." I smiled as I hobbled into Dean's room.
"Hey kiddo." He smiled back as he moved over to make room for me to sit on the bed.
"How you feeling?"
"I'm good. Sore, but okay."
"Look… I talked to Sam a little bit this morning. He said that I needed to ask you. Something he wasn't comfortable telling me? What's going on kiddo?"
"Dean. It's nothing… really. It's fine. I'm fine."
"Em, please tell me."
"… Did he tell you that Uriel made me watch?" I asked cautiously to change the subject. Dean's face fell.
"Yeah. He did." He answered shortly. "But can we just. Not talk about that?"
I nodded. Knowing that Dean couldn't stand to be the person in that room. Knowing the guilt it weighed on him.
"You're still De… my De. No matter what happened in that room."
"Thanks kiddo." He said as he kissed my cheek and pulled me in for a brief hug.
"You hungry?"
"Depends. You done changing the subject?"
"Dean… I don't want to lay anything else on our shoulders right now."
"Tell me now." He said crossing his arms.
I slid off the bed, and slowly showed him the cut under my shirt.
"He said he wanted it to match the other one." I whispered.
"Bastard." Dean mumbled as he closed his eye. "Did it do any damage or just superficial?"
"Um… Dean. Look. I'm okay. And… I'm still processing it, and I'm not upset. I'm just. Kinda taking it for what it is, so please don't make a big deal about it."
"Quit beating around the bush."
"They said that the knife hit my uterus… and they fixed it. But. The scar tissue will prevent me from ever being able to have children."
"What?!" He asked in shock.
"Everything still… works." I shrugged awkwardly. "It's just that if I was to get pregnant, I would lose it pretty quickly, something about it not being able to attach."
His face was torn… anger, and sadness. I could see his emotions battling themselves.
"De… It's okay. It's not like I ever intended to get pregnant anyways."
"It's not right." He shook his head. "… Whether you intended to or not, he took that away from you, and even if you're okay with it. I'm not Em… I'm not."
I didn't know what else to say, so instead I just wrapped my arms around him.
"Dean. Emily. Are you all right?" A voice called out. We both looked up to Castiel.
"No we're not. Thanks to you assholes." Dean said angrily.
"Dean. Stop." I whispered.
"You need to be more careful." Castiel said softly.
"You need to learn how to manage a damn devil's trap."
"That's not what I mean. Uriel is dead… We apologize. We were not aware of the situation, but Emily's accusations were confirmed and now he can no longer harm you or anyone else."
"So he got the death penalty?" I asked.
"Yes of course. It was disobedience. He was working against us."
"Is it true?" Dean then asked carefully. "Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?"
"Yes." Castiel admitted with a stone face. "When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to hell and we fought our way to get to you before you—"
"Jump-started the apocalypse."
"And we were too late."
I laced my finger through his. Watching the guilt in his eyes.
"Why didn't you just leave me there, then?"
"It's not blame that falls on you, Dean, it's fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it."
"Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean?" Dean scoffed. Castiel went to turn away from us. "Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean!" Dean yelled angrily.
"I don't know." Castiel admitted.
"Bullshit."
"I don't. Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests with you."
"Well, then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas. It's too big. Alastair was right. I'm not all here. I'm not—I'm not strong enough."
"De stop… that's not true." I said as I squeeze his hand in mine.
"Well, I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be." He said looking back to Castiel. "Find someone else. It's not me."
Castiel vanished. Leave Dean and I alone in the room. I looked up to his face. Watching as a tear made its way down his cheek.
"Dean…" I whispered. "We'll figure it out."