Author's Note: OMG I MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH! I'm so sorry it's taking so long to get chapters out to you… I'm so sorry I've been MIA. I'm so sorry I've let you all down. But I promise I'm trying to do better. My life has just been so hectic. So busy. So much growth and change, and quite frankly chaos some days. But I miss this. I miss you all. I am here. Maybe not as often, maybe you've moved on. I get it… but if you're still here. Let me know. I'll be back as soon as I can. 3
"Uh... can I help you?" The man behind the counter asked Dean and I.
"Sure hope so. Agents DeYoung and Shaw. Just need to ask you a few questions." Dean responded.
"Notice anything strange in the building, last couple of days?" I then asked before he could think too much about the badges."
"Like what?"
"Well, some other tenants reported flickering lights."
"Uh, I don't think so. Why?"
"What about noises? Any skittering in the walls? Kind of like rats?" Dean asked.
"And the FBI is investigating a rodent problem?" The man replied skeptically. Shit. We're losing him.
"What about cold spots? Feel any sudden drops in temperature?" I quickly interrupted. Suddenly he began to grin widely.
"I knew it! You guys are LARPing, aren't you?"
"Excuse me?"
"You're fans."
"Fans of what?" I asked the same time Dean spoke.
"What is "LARPing"?"
"Like you don't know. Live-Action Role-Play! And pretty hardcore, too."
"I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"You're asking questions like the building's haunted. Like those folks from the books. What are they called? Uh... "Supernatural." Two guys and their sister, use fake IDs with rock aliases, hunt down ghosts, demons, vampires. What are their names? Uh... Steve and Dirk? Uh, Sal and Dane… the girls name is Emily?"
"Sam and Dean?" I asked almost too freaked to hear his reply, Dean and I shared a concerned look.
"That's it!"
"You're saying this is a book?" Dean then asked.
"Books. It was a series. Didn't sell a lot of copies, though. Kind of had more of an underground cult following. Let's see. Um... Ah. Yeah… That's the first one, I think." The man says handing us a paperback book out of the bargain bin. Um. Excuse me. If this is about me, then I certainly don't belong in the bargain bin.
"Supernatural" by Carver Edlund. Along a lonely California highway, a mysterious woman in white lures men to their deaths." Dean begins to read, I snatched the book from him.
"Gimme that." I took a moment to flip through it… all the angst. Being angry at Sam. Being worried about Dad… shit. Fuck. What the hell is this?!
I turned to the man behind the counter.
"I'm gonna need every copy of this book that you have."
….
"This is freakin' insane. How's this guy know all this stuff?" Dean asked as he flipped through another book."
Judson and I flipped through a couple more while Sam sat at his laptop trying to do some research.
"You got me." Sam shrugged. I looked up to Dean and just shook my head back and forth. I don't know how anyone could know about the things I did when I took off on my own after Croatoan. How anyone could know about my thoughts when locking myself behind closed doors. I just… I feel violated. I feel intruded upon. And I'm currently hiding the books that have Judson or Luke in them from Dean… saving us both some trouble.
"Everything is in here. I mean everything. From the racist truck to – to me having sex. I'm full-frontal in here, dude."
"Oh please burn that book." I said shaking my head.
"I don't understand." Judson mumbled.
"What babe?"
"How the hell did these exist for so long and the angels had no idea about them? I mean… I would have clued you guys in on something like this. I don't even have any contacts upstairs who have heard of the author."
"That's comforting." Sam sighed. "They're pretty obscure. I mean, almost zero circulation. Uh, started in '05. The publisher put out a couple dozen before going bankrupt. And, uh, the last one – "No Rest For The Wicked" – Ends with Dean going to hell."
"Whooo." I breathed a sigh of relief. I did not want to relive those next four months on paper. Or have anyone else read them.
"I reiterate. Freaking insane." Dean said as he paced.
"Check it out. There's actually fans. There's not many of them, but still. Did you read this?"
"Yeah." Sam said with an uncomfortable face.
"Although for fans, they sure do complain a lot. Listen to this – Simpatico says "the demon story line is trite, clichéd, and overall craptastic." Yeah, well, screw you, Simpatico. We lived it."
FUCK you simpatico.
"Yeah. Well, keep on reading. It gets better." Sam then said. I jumped up and read over Dean's shoulder out loud.
"There are "Sam girls" and "Dean girls" and – what's a "slash fan"?"
"As in... Sam-slash-Dean. Together." Sam answered with a disgusted face.
"Oh. That's fucking disgusting! Dude… I can't." I said walking away.
"They do know we're brothers, right?" Dean asked.
"Doesn't seem to matter. There's some about Emily too but luckily men aren't as obsessed with the series as women, or we'd be hunting some folks down. Trust me." Sam then said. Protective ass.
"We got to find this Carver Edlund." I stated.
"Yeah, that might not be so easy." Judson cut in.
"Why not?"
"No tax records, no known address. Looks like "Carver Edlund" is a pen name."
"Somebody's gotta know who he is." Dean added.
"Lets crash and tackle this thing in the morning, okay? I'll see if I can track down the publisher and get some information from there." Sam suggested.
"I'm down." I said with a yawn. I then curled into Judson's lap as he leaned back in the chair.
"You know I have to go next door to go to sleep." He chuckled.
"I know… but you could just stay here till I fall asleep." I smiled up to him.
"Anything you want babe." He said as he kissed me on the forehead and rocked us back and forth.
….
When I woke in the morning, Judson's arms had turned into the blankets, wrapping me in warmth.
"Morning." I said sitting up and finding Sam and Dean awake and at the table.
"Mornin kiddo." Dean replied.
"Find anything?"
"Yeah. The publisher is a few hours away. Young woman, running her own home based firm. Small. Local… should be easy to get some information out of her." Sam said hopeful.
"Young woman huh? Maybe I oughta just let you two tackle her… Well. Not literally." I then added.
"Sounds like a plan to me." Dean nodded confidently.
"Let's hit the road in ten. I'll go wake up Judson." I smiled as I lurched forward and trotted over to put on my boots with my pjs."
"TEN MINUTES ISN'T ENOUGH TIME TO GET NAKED!" Dean warned as I left the room and shut the door behind me.
I walked next door and softly knocked, waiting a few seconds before the door opened.
He was sleepy. He green eyes barely open, his hair all ruffled and messy. I reached up and ran my hands through it. Trying to calm some of the wild ones, but the stuck right back up.
"Sleep well?" I asked.
"Fell asleep in that chair, only been here for half the night." He smiled as he leaned down to kiss me. I followed him in and sat on the bed as he brushed his teeth and packed his bag up to leave.
"So what is the plan exactly?"
"Well. You and I are gonna hang back while Sam and Dean approach the publisher. She's young, so Dean want's to seduce her into giving us answers I think. Who knows. All I know is I told them that you and I would hang back."
"That'll be nice." He gave me a devious smile. I blushed in return. I don't know how he still does it after all the bullshit. But he still excites me… I still have some reservations. But I missed this. This feeling, the feeling of being desired, and loved. So for now I keep my reservations locked away in the box, and lose myself in the feeling.
…..
"Okay, you two swing up to the diner a few blocks away, we'll meet you there when we're done. Okay?" Dean asked as he parked on the road a little ways off from the publisher's home, she lived in the center of town and thankfully there was plenty of places to lay low and be close by incase back up was needed for either of us.
"Sir yes sir." I nodded as he ruffled my hair and began to walk ahead with Sam, Judson and I turned and walked a short distance in the warm air to a diner. It was small, family place… definitely hitting a lunch rush. So Judson and I just sat in the corner booth and waited patiently to see the waitress.
I looked over and watched a young woman and her very young child across from us. She was frazzled. Looked like she hadn't slept well in days, had her hands full, but… she looked down at her baby and it was clear she was happy. Young, single mom if I had to guess. Trying to make ends meet on her own. I wondered then what her life must be like. Day in and day out her motivation, her sole desire, is to provide and care for her child… what a normal, beautiful life that must be.
"Em." Judson said reaching out and grabbing my hand.
"Hm?" I turned and looked to him. I could see it in his eyes. The pity…
"We can go somewhere else."
"Don't be silly." I shrugged. "I told you. And Sam. And Dean. I'm fine… I never expected to have kids anyways Jud. It just wasn't in the cards for me. It's not what hunters do."
"Its still a huge loss for you Em. Even if you don't want to look at it that way… somewhere, in your subconscious, you're feeling it."
"You're being dramatic. I've never thought about having a baby even once in my life."
"And what happens in ten years when you decide you want to?"
"Oh so you're assuming that the apocalypse won't kill us all and that the angels won't lock me away for the rest of my life?" I then questioned sarcastically.
"Stop talking like that." He deadpanned.
"I'm serious. I'm a hunter. I'll be lucky to even be alive in ten years… and even if I am. I'll be hunting. How can you hunt with a baby?"
"Your father did it."
"Yeah, and look where that got us all." I crossed my arms and leaned forward. "What makes you think I would want to force this upon anyone else? What if…. What if my blood still contained HIS blood, and the baby had it? Then what? Face it… this was the best possible outcome for me. I'm okay."
He nodded sadly and became quiet as the waitress walked over with our plates. I looked back up to the young mom and her infant… I'm okay. Right?
Twenty minutes later two men walked in the doors, I flagged them down and waved them over, scooting to the inside of the booth, as did Judson so that they could slide in on either side.
"So, what'd we find out?" I asked.
"Chuck Shirley. Got an address." Sam smiled as he held up the paper.
"Sweet, how far?"
"Bout an hour out."
"Let's go." I said excitedly.
"Whoa whoa whoa…" Dean stopped me. "Can I not eat first?"
"Oh…" I said looking down at my empty plate. Forgetting we ate without them.
"Burgers good?" Dean asked.
"Yeah. No better or worse than anywhere else. The rush is over so your fries will hopefully be warmer than mine were." I smiled to him. Then I looked up and saw Sam watching the young mom and the baby… then look up to me.
FUCK. Not again…
"So was she hot?" Judson suddenly jumped up and asked getting Dean going about the publisher and her ass tattoo. He looked over and briefly winked at me.
Rescued. My hero.
…..
The four of us walked up to the run down house. No badges. No costumes. No disguises or games… just a need for answers. Dean pushed the door bell and we waited as we heard footsteps. Suddenly the door opened to reveal a grungy looking man in a robe and tshirt.
"You Chuck Shurley?" Dean asked.
"The Chuck Shurley who wrote the "Supernatural" books?" Sam added.
"Maybe. Why?" The man answered looking between the four of us.
"I'm Dean. This is Sam and Emily, this is Judson. The same Emily, Dean and Sam you've been writing about."
Suddenly the door slams shut in our face. I stepped up and rang the door bell again, Chuck opened it.
"Look, uh... I appreciate your enthusiasm. Really, I do. It's, uh, it's always nice to hear from the fans. But, uh, for your own good, I strongly suggest you get a life." He attempted to close the door, I stepped up and slid my boot into it, propping it open against his will.
"See, here's the thing. We have a life. You've been using it to write your books." I said crossing my arms as the door swung back open again. Dean and Sam moved forward around me, entering the home, Judson and I followed, closing the door.
"Now, wait a minute. Now, this isn't funny." Chuck said obviously afraid.
"Damn straight, it's not funny." Dean nodded.
"Look, we just want to know how you're doing it." Sam told him.
"I'm not doing anything."
"Are you a hunter?" I asked.
"What? No. I'm a writer."
"Then how do you know so much about demons?" Dean asked as he stepped up and Chucked stepped back falling onto the couch. "And Tulpas, and changelings?"
"Is this some kind of "Misery" thing? Ah, it is, isn't it? It's a "Misery" thing!"
"What the hell does that even mean?" I asked.
"No, it's not a "Misery" thing. Believe me, we are not fans!" Dean yelled.
"Well, then, what do you want?!"
"I'm Sam. And that's Dean. And that's Emily, and we want answers."
"They are fictional characters. I made them up! They're not real!"
"Oh, we're not real?" I asked looking up to Dean innocently.
"Show him the trunk." Judson suggested. Dean reached down and pulled Chuck off the couch. The four of us walking outside to the trunk.
"Are those real guns?" Chuck asks as he gazes into the trunk and all of its belongings.
"Yup. This is real rock salt, these are real fake IDs."
Well, I got to hand it to you guys. You really are my number one fans. That's, that's awesome. So, I-I think I've got some posters in the house." Chuck said nervously as he tries to make a break for the house.
"Chuck, stop." Dean commanded as he cut him off.
"Please. Wait. Please, don't hurt me."
"How much do you know? Do you know about the angels? Or Lilith breaking the seals?" Judson asked.
"Wait a minute. How do you know about that?"
"The question is how do you." I stepped forward.
"Because I wrote it?"
"You kept writing?" Sam asked.
"Yeah, even after the publisher went bankrupt, but those books never came out. Okay, wait a minute. This is some kind of joke, right? Did that – Did Phil put you up to this?"
"Well, nice to meet you. I'm Dean Winchester, and this is my brother, Sam. This is my sister, Emily."
"The last names were never in the books. I never told anybody about that. I never even wrote that down." Chuck then whispered. He turned frantically and we followed him back inside the house as he panic on his face grew.
Chuck poured himself a large whiskey shot and swallows it down, shaking his head and then turns around to face us.
"OH… Oh you're still there." He groans.
"Yup." Dean popped.
"You're not a hallucination."
"Nope."
"Well, there's only one explanation. Obviously I'm a god."
"You're not a god." I rolled my eyes.
"How else do you explain it? I write things and then they come to life. Yeah, no, I'm definitely a god. A cruel, cruel, capricious god. The things I put you through – The physical beatings alone."
"Yeah, we're still in one piece." I shrugged.
"I killed your father. I burned your mother alive. And then you had to go through the whole horrific deal again with Jessica."
"Chuck. You should stop." I said annoyed as I looked up to Sam's face.
"All for what? All for the sake of literary symmetry. I toyed with your lives, your emotions, for... entertainment."
"You didn't toy with us, Chuck, okay? You didn't create us." Dean told him.
"Did you really have to live through the bugs?"
"Ugh…" I groaned as a shiver ran down my back.
"Yeah." Sam nodded."
"What about the ghost ship?"
"Yes, that too."
"I am so sorry. I mean, horror is one thing, but to be forced to live bad writing... if I would have known it was real, I would have done another pass."
"Chuck, you're not a god!" I yelled.
"We think you're probably just psychic." Sam explained.
"No. If I were psychic, you think I'd be writing? Writing is hard." Chuck shook his head.
"It seems that somehow, you're just... focused on our lives."
"Yeah, like laser-focused. Are you working on anything right now?" Judson asked.
"Holy crap." Chuck mumbled as his face fell.
"What?"
"The, uh, latest book? It's, uh, it's kind of weird."
"Weird how?"
"It's very Vonnegut."
"Slaughterhouse-Five Vonnegut or Cat's Cradle Vonnegut?" Dean asked. Sam and I both looked to him surprised. "What?" He then asked defensively.
"It's, uh, "Kilgore Trout" Vonnegut. I wrote myself into it. I wrote myself, at my house... confronted by my characters."
"Oh… this is a fucking trip." I said as I shook my head. "Do you have that book?"
"Uhh.. yeah."
"Give it to us... now." I said stepping forward, he handed it over. "How far does it go?"
"Umm.. I don't know. Into later in the day?"
"We'll be in touch. Don't leave town." Dean warned as we all headed for the door. Sam grabbing stacks of unpublished book scripts on his way out.
"I'm sitting in a laundromat, reading about myself sitting in a laundromat reading about myself. My head hurts." Dean grumbled as Sam and I sorted through clothes.
"There's got to be something this guy's not telling us." Judson declared, still baffled that he couldn't find any valuable information on the man. I've never seen him so confused before. It's kind of entertaining.
"Sam tossed his gigantic darks into the machine. He was starting to have doubts about Chuck, about whether he was telling the whole truth. Emily on the other hand mindlessly threw her delicates into the washer while focusing on her lover standing a few feet away." Dean then read outloud. I turned and shot my eyes at him.
"Stop it." Sam and I said at the same time.
"Stop it." They echoed. "Guess what you do next… Sam turned his back on Dean, his face brooding and pensive. I mean, I don't know how he's doing it, but this guy is doing it. I can't see your face, but those are definitely your brooding and pensive shoulders."
"DEAN. Stop." I then said a little louder… what a dick.
"Annnd you just thought I was a dick." He then said to me.
"Fuck me! I don't like having this guy in my head. I feel violated." I said holding my arms.
"Look, we're stuck with what we've got for now. Let's just figure out what our next move it." Judson interrupted us.
"Can our next move be a nap?" I whined as I leaned into him.
"Yeah kiddo, go crash in the backseat. Sam and I will finish up." Dean said as he nodded towards the door.
"Coming with?" I asked Judson.
"I'm not tired, but I'll sit with you if you'd like."
"Please." I smiled.
"C'mon whiner." He said as he pulled me towards the door. I curled up into his lap in the backseat, his legs wrapped over mine, and his arms around my torso. Completely enveloped. Safe. I reached down and lightly ran my hands over his arms.
"You sure you're okay Em? It's okay to say no… It's just us."
"Jud. I never wanted a baby. I don't have plans to have a baby. I didn't really lose anything from this."
His face kind of fell, and he looked off in the distance.
"… So you never thought about us? Like. In the future?" He asked slowly. I sat up, and turned to look at him.
"I mean… I guess with everything that happened since we met. Dean dying, coming back… my abilities. I just. I don't know. I don't think that far ahead. I just worry about the now and what's coming around the next corner. Not the next year or more. Who knows if I'll even be alive a year form now you know?"
"Em stop. You know your brothers and I wouldn't let anything happen to you."
"I know, but still. As a hunter its just programmed into your mind to think that way. To be prepared for that. So… No. I guess I never thought about us settling down."
His face fell once again.
I reached up and used my hand to lift his chin.
"Did you?" I then asked softly.
"I don't know. I guess I kinda figured that you were it for me. You know? So… yeah. I kinda did."
"Would that have even been possible for us?"
"I'm not sterile. Just not aging." He then shrugged.
"And what would we have done when I'm sixty years old and you're still in your twenties?"
"Live happily, with our children and grand-children…"
I was taken aback by his answer. It was obvious he had thought this out. He had plans for us, and I didn't? Isn't that what normal 18 year old girls do? Make life long plans with their boyfriends, build timelines… dream of their future together. Suddenly I felt guilty for never seeing myself having the things he saw for us. I felt guilty for not giving it more thought before admitting I never pictured us that far down the line.
But in the back of my mind. It's always there… would I even live to see thirty? Let alone sixty?
Probably not if I'm being honest with myself.
"I love you." I whispered to him.
"I love you too." He whispered back. I leaned forward and wrapped my entire body around his.
"I'm sorry… I wish I saw things the way you did. I wish… I wish we could have that."
"Maybe one day we can." He said, hope still tainting his voice.
"Maybe." I mumbled against his neck before drifting to sleep.
…..
"So... You wrote another chapter?" Sam asked as we came barging through Chuck's front door.
"This was all so much easier before you were real." Chuck answered shaking his head.
"We can take it; just spit it out." I demanded.
"You especially are not gonna like this." He looked between Dean and I.
"I didn't like hell." Dean replied. A shiver ran down my back.
"It's Lilith. She's coming for Sam."
"WHAT?!" I yelled.
"Coming to kill him?" Dean asked.
"When?" Sam stepped up and interrupted before Chuck could respond to any of us.
"Tonight."
"She's just gonna show up? Here?" Dean asked. Chuck grabbed his papers and put on his glasses.
"Uh... let's see, uh,… Lilith patted the bed seductively. Unable to deny his desire, Sam succumbed, and they sank into the throes of fiery demonic passion."
"You're kidding me, right?" Sam laughed.
"You think this is funny?" I turned to ask him.
"You don't? I mean, come on. Fiery demonic passion?"
"It's just a first draft." Chuck mumbled offended.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait. Lilith is a little girl." Judson interjected.
"No, uh, this time she's a comely dental hygienist from Bloomington, Indiana."
"Great. Perfect. So what happens after the... "fiery demonic" whatever?" Dean asked.
"I don't know, it hasn't come to me yet."
"Dean, look, there's nothing to worry about. Lilith and me? In bed?" Sam assured.
"How does this whole psychic thing of yours work?" Dean asked Chuck while refusing to break eye contact with Sam… I mean. He did sleep with Ruby. Its not like its an impossible thought here.
"You mean my process?"
"Yes, your process." I answered with an eye roll.
"Well, it usually starts with a headache. A really bad headache. Aspirin is useless, so... I drink. Until I fall asleep. The first time it happened, I thought it was just a crazy dream."
"The first time you dreamt about us?"
"It flowed. It just, it kept flowing. It still does. I-I can't stop it, really."
"You can't seriously believe –" Sam started.
"Humor me." Dean interrupted him. "Look, why don't we, we just...Take a look at these and see what's what." Dean said turning to take the scripts. Chuck was already standing ready to give them to him.
"You kne-"
"Knew you were gonna ask for that. Yeah. Sorry." Chuck mumbled.
"Car. Now." Dean said to everyone as he walked out.
….
"Dean, come on." Sam turned and read while Dean drove. Judson and I sat in the back, I leaned over the seat to hear better. "The minivan accident wasn't that bad, but Dean was still seeing stars. He scratched absently at the pink flower Band-Aids on his face. While Emily and Judson tried to wake him and get him to stand."
"So?"
"So, I've seen you gushing blood. You'd use duct tape and bar rags before you'd put on a pink flower Band-Aid."
"What's your point?"
"My point is this – all of this – is totally implausible, it's nuts."
"He's been right about everything so far. You think he's just gonna ground out at first now?" I then questioned.
"Huh… Dean slid behind the wheel of his beloved Impala and drove off, the plastic tarp on the rear window flapping like the wings of a crow. Emily and Judson crammed into the front seat with him to avoid sitting in the glass."
"A tarp?" I questioned.
"Yeah. On the rear window. And Dean drives it like that."
"Well, he might be wrong about the details, but doesn't mean he's wrong about the end result." Dean spoke.
"So we're just gonna run?" Sam asked.
"Dude, we are a long way from ready for a face-to-face death match with Lilith."
"Dean… I could take her. Shes scared of me. We know that already." I interjected. "Maybe Sam's right. We could take the bitch out once and for all if we know where she's gonna be."
"NO." Dean answered abruptly.
"Dean, seriously just think about it for a second!"
"No! I heard all about that little scene, and I'm not putting you back there again. Besides, you and I both know you have to be in an extreme emotional state to pull that kind of power."
"Maybe not De. Cas said I could learn to focus it one day right? Maybe I can control it!"
"I said no! That's final!" He yelled. I flung myself against the back seat dramatically as we turned the curve and came upon a road block.
"What seems to be the problem?" Dean asked the deputy through the window.
"Bridge is out ahead."
"We're just trying to get out of town."
"Yeah, afraid not."
"Is there a detour?"
"Nope."
"There's not a side road that takes us to the highway?"
"To get to the highway, you have to cross that river. To cross the river, you have to take that bridge."
"How deep's the river?"
"Dean! Really?!" I spoke up.
"Sorry. Afraid you folks are gonna have to spend the night in town."
"Sorry De. Doesn't look like you get a say on this." I smirked.
"Shut up." He groaned before pulling back out onto the road.
….
"Hey, this could be a good thing. I mean, if this is what puts us on the path to Lilith, then all we got to do is get off the path." Dean interrupted as I scanned the diner's menu.
"How so?" Judson asked.
"It's a blueprint of what not to do. I mean, if the pages say that we go left –"
"Then we go right." Sam smiled.
"Exactly. We get off-book. We never make it to the end. It's opposite day. It says that we, uh, we get into a fight. So, no fighting. No research for you... Emily. Kissing on the boy is off limits until we're out of this town. As a matter of fact. Don't even touch him."
"Dean." I sighed. "This is stupid and probably won't even work."
"Try it."
"Fine. Then no bacon cheeseburgers for you." I sat back crossing my arms.
"Yeah, no problem. I'll just order something else." He nodded as the waitress approached. Dean looked up to her. "Hi, uhhh. What's good here?"
"Well, if you like burgers, Oprah's girlfriend said we have the best bacon cheeseburgers in the country." She answered cheerfully. Sam and I shared a chuckle.
"Really?" Dean nodded unamused.
"I'll just have the cobb salad, please." Sam interrtupted.
"I'll have the... veggie tofu burger. Thanks." Dean said sadly.
"Hi, he'll take chili cheese fries, and I'll have one of your bacon cheeseburgers, extra onions. Thanks." I smiled at Dean as I handed her my menu. He sent me the best bitch face I'd seen any of us pull off in weeks.
"This whole thing's ridiculous." Sam sighed.
"Lilith is ridiculous?" I questioned.
"The idea of me hooking up with her is."
"Right. 'Cause something like that can never happen." I said rolling my eyes. He shot his eyes straight out the window and I could see the anger flash across his face.
"Dean, for the first time, we have warning that Lilith is close." He then turns and says to Dean.
Guess he's done talking to me.
"So?" Dean questioned.
"So... we've got the jump on her. If we know when she's coming, we know where she's – this is an opportunity."
"Are you –" Dean stopped and grumbled. Then inhaled deeply. "It frustrates me when you say such reckless things."
"Well, it frustrates me when you'd rather hide that fight."
"No one here is scared of a fight." I spoke up as the waitress walked towards us.
"Here you go!" She said as she dished out our food and set Dean's tofu burger out in front of him. Suprisingly it looked great.
"Thank you." Dean smiled waiting for her to leave, then he leaned in towards us. "It's not hiding. It's being smart. It's picking your battles. This is a battle that we are not ready to fight."
He then took a large bite of his burger, he paused and his eyes widened. Ha! Here we go!
"Oh my god… This is delicious! Tofu is amazing!" He said excitedly.
"Dude… what the fuck?" I looked up to Sam. "How can we live in a world where Dean likes tofu… this has to be the apocalypse."
Suddenly the waitress walked back over to us.
"I am so sorry. I gave you the bacon cheeseburger by mistake." She said taking Dean's plate away from him. I dropped my head against the table. Lightly banging it over, and over, and over again.
….
We pulled up to what had to be the most disgusting hotel in town.
"Dude. This place charges by the hour." Sam scoffed.
"Yeah, well, the book says Lilith finds you at the Red Motel. Hence, the uh, hooker inn. It's opposite day, remember?"
"Yeah yeah… I'm not sleeping on the mattresses." I mumbled.
"Fine. Suit yourself. We're all in one room anyways. You can have the floor."
We booked our one room and walked in.
"Ew… this place stinks." I said walking in. Dean dropped his bag on the bed and started pulling things out of it hastily.
"What are you doing?"
"Couple of hex bags ought to Lilith-proof the room."
"So, what? I'm supposed to just hole up here all night?" Sam asked.
"That's exactly what you're gonna do, okay? And no research. I don't care what you do – use the Magic Fingers or watch Casa Erotica on Pay-Per-View." Dean said as he stole Sam's laptop.
"Oh. Dude, gross." I groaned.
"Just call this insurance." He said as he walked out holding the laptop into the air.
"What are yall gonna do?"
"Well, the pages say that I spend all day riding around in the Impala. So I'm gonna go park her. And then the three of us are going to be on the lookout for Lillith. Behave yourself, would you? No homework. Watch some porn."
"Okay, were leaving!" I said grabbing Judson by the hand and dragging him out behind me as he laughed.
"Hey De… maybe you should let me drive. I mean. Nothing in the books talks about me driving right?"
"Nice try kiddo." He smiled as he shook the keys and climbed into the drivers seat.
"I mean… I'll drive." Judson shrugged.
"Nope." Dean shook his head.
I sat in the front seat between Jud and Dean waiting for him to find a good place to park. My mind still buzzing. These books… as much as I want to read them. Re-read the night I first kissed him… relive the good times. Relive the days where it wasn't so hard. Sadly these books only begin after Daddy disappeared so he won't be in the books very much. But… even to relive the last moments I had with him. His last words.
"Alright… this is good enough." Dean said bringing me out of my thoughts. He swung into a parking lot off of the main road in town.
"So I guess we walk." Judson mumbled as Dean begins to lock the doors. We made our way across the road, scanning our surroundings carefully. My eyes wandered to a group of teenage boys… breaking into cars.
"Uh.. De. I'm not sure this is a good idea."
Dean immediately looked up at me and I pointed towards them.
"HEY!" Dean screams as he runs towards them. It was obvious they were headed towards Baby.
"DEAN LOOK OUT!" Judson yelled.
"DEEAN!" I screamed as the minivan screeched and came to a halt, but not before knocking Dean to the ground. I ran towards him and started patting his cheeks. "Dean! De! De dammit wake up!"
"He's breathing Em, you gotta breathe too" Judson reminded as he put a hand on my back. Suddenly Dean began to slowly come to.
"De… are you okay?"
"Oh my god. Just take it easy, you're gonna be okay." The woman driving the van jumps out and rambles as she hovers over us. "I'm so sorry. I just didn't see you. Are you okay?"
"Here I'll fix him!" A little blonde girl smiles as she starts placing band-aids on his head.
"Stars… Pink flowery band-aids." Dean mumbled as I helped pull him up.
"Damn.. he's good. Scary good." Judson looked at me shaking his head. "I don't know what the hell we're gonna do with this guy…"
"Oh, no..." Dean moaned as he looked past me and into the parking lot. Baby had one busted window. Dean promptly grabbed a tarp out of the trunk, cut it down to size, and put it over the window… This guy is scary good. Fuck.
"Where are we going now?" I had to ask loudly over the flapping noises in the backseat.
"To kill him." Dean mumbled.
"Dean... we can't just kill him. We have to figure out what is going on here first. I don't like him any more or less than you do. I promise. But… something's off."
"I agree." Judson butted in. "There's no way this guy can go AWOL from angels and not have something up his sleeve. I just don't know what it could be."
"Well I'm at least going to have to fix Baby before tomorrow… there's a chance of rain and I am NOT leaving her out in the rain."
…..
We only sat in Chuck's house for about 20 minutes before I heard the key in the latch. Chuck comes in carrying a brown bag and beer.
"Hi." He nods calmly.
"I take it you knew we'd be here." Dean grimaced.
"You look terrible."
"That's 'cause I just got hit by a minivan, Chuck."
"Oh."
"That it? Every damn thing you write about me comes true; that's all you have to say is "oh"?!" Dean askes angrily standing and marching over to Chuck.
"De… chill."
"Please don't yell at me." Chuck shuddered.
"Why do I get feeling there's something that you're not telling us?" Judson asked him.
"What wouldn't I be telling you?"
"How you know what you know, for starters."
"I don't know how I know, I just do!"
"That's not good enough." Dean growled as he slammed chuck into the wall. "How the hell are you doing this?!"
"De! Stop it!" I said pushing between them.
"Dean, let him go!"
… The voice made me freeze in my tracks. I instantly became sick to my stomach.
"This man is to be protected." Castiel added.
"Why?" Dean yelled.
"He's a Prophet of the Lord."
"I knew there was something more to this." Judson nodded. I looked between him and Castiel… suddenly wondering how many more late night chats they had been having. I suddenly had the urge to be anywhere but here. I made my way past Dean and towards the door.
"Em wait." Judson reached out for me.
"Don't… touch me." I warned before I walked out and shut the door behind me.
I walked to Baby and slid down the side. My head in my hands. All of the distrust. All of the hesitancy and anxiety… all of the hurt comes rushing back at once. My stomach flops and my chest tightens. I force myself to breathe in slowly through my nose and out of my mouth. I can feel it… building. Pushing.
If I don't get it under control something's gonna snap… I'm gonna snap.
"Emily." Castiel's voice is steady.
"What the hell do you want?"
"Please… let me help."
"Help me?!" I scoffed. Feeling the street light above us shatter as glass fell to the ground beside us.
"You… you used him to spy on me. You let this happen. You let this all happen."
"Emily… I can assure you I never had any intentions of what has happened between the two of you. I merely needed to know what was developing. And using an earthbound made the most sense. I know your trust is very fragile."
"So you decided to obliterate it?" I said standing and crossing my arms.
"I understand your anger, but not why you point so much of it at me. It was not me that encouraged such behaviors. It was not me who betrayed you."
"I'm angry at him too!"
"Yet you forgive him… could you ponder the same thought for me? If I could explain?"
"Explain what exactly?"
"I do not fight against you… I fight for your freedom. Your safety. Sometimes I even fight for your life. Because I've seen the good in you. I know that you have failed before, but you could be the answer…"
"The answer to what?"
"To the prayers. You could be the answer."
"Castiel this doesn't make any sense! Answer to what?!"
"I'm sorry. I cannot tell you anything more at this time. But I ask that you consider extending your forgiveness. I do not wish you harm or ill will. I wish you only safety."
With that he was gone…
"Dammit." I grumbled. I shook my head and made my way back up the stairs to the
"Him? Really?" Dean was asking Castiel as I came back in the door. Judson looked at me, but I pulled my eyes to the ground.
"You should've seen Luke." Castiel respoinded.
"Why'd he get tapped?" Judson asked.
"I don't know how prophets are chosen. The order comes from high up on the celestial chain of command."
"How high?" Dean asked.
"Very."
"Well, whatever. How do we get around this?"
"Around what?"
"The Sam-Lilith love connection. How do we stop it from happening?" I jumped in with the big question.
"What the prophet has written can't be unwritten. As he has seen it, so it shall come to pass."
"That's it. Get in the car, we're getting Sam.. NOW!" Dean stomped outside, Judson and I chasing after him and jumping into the car. He flew down the road and towards the motel… and then I saw it. The sign.
"Dean… lights out on the sign. Look."
He looked up to read "RED" motel. Just like chuck predicted.
"Dammit!" He threw the car into the parking lot and jumped out rushing towards our room.
"Come on. We're getting out of here." Dean demanded to Sam.
"What? Where?"
"Anywhere, okay? Out of this motel, out of this town. I don't care if we got to swim, we are getting out."
"Dude… where are the hex bags?" I asked looking in the same places I remembered placing them before we left.
"I burned them." Sam answered honestly.
"You what?" Dean and I asked as we both turned to him.
"… Shit." I heard Judson mumble from the door. Anticipating a show down.
"Look, if Lilith is coming, which is a big "if" –"
"It's not an IF Sam! It's happening. Chuck is a prophet, and Castiel won't let us lay a hand on him… we have to go!" I argued.
"What?"
"Cas showed up, and apparently Chuck is writing the gospel of us." Dean added.
"Okay." Sam nodded.
"Okay. Let's get the hell out of here."
"No."
"What the fuck did you just say?" I turned and asked him.
"Lilith is gonna slaughter you." Dean warned.
"Maybe not… maybe not with Em here."
"Sam… please. I want her dead as much as you do. But I don't want her that close to you. Ever. For any reason. This isn't the time."
"YES IT IS! Em a prophet decided this is the time! We can do this… I know we can. Or.. I can. You can go."
"And what?! Leave you here to die? Again?" I asked.
"Sam…" Dean cut in. Giving him the 'look'.
"You think I'll do it, don't you? You think I'll go dark side." Sam said crossing his arms.
"NO." I yelled but Dean quickly yelled behind me.
"Yes! Okay? Yes. The way you've been acting lately? The things you've been doing?" Dean yelled.
Oh, I know. How you ripped Alastair apart like it was nothing, like you were swatting a fly. Cas told me, okay?
"It's not what you think."
"Then what is it, Sam? 'Cause I'm at a total loss… Are you coming or not?"
"No."
"Dammit Sam, don't do this!" I argued.
"I'm not leaving… I'm going to kill her once and for all."
"You are a fucking idiot sometimes!" I growled.
Dean grabbed his bag and marched towards the door, but once he took two steps outside he stopped… paused. And then threw his bag back in the room onto the chair before stomping off.
"So I take it we're staying." Judson sighed. He reached up to put his hands on my shoulders, but I pulled away.
"I'm going to check on Dean." I said walking past him without making eye contact.
I walked until I ran into him at the coke machine, and then I realized he wasn't alone.
Dammit…
Walking towards him and Cas whispering in the shadows.
"Seriously… If I have to walk up on your secret conversations again. Any chance at forgiveness goes out the window." I interrupted looking up to Cas.
"I was just explaining to Dean that this is a prophecy. I can't interfere."
"You have tested me and thrown me every which way. And I have never asked for anything. Not a damn thing. But now I'm asking. I need your help. Please." Dean pleaded. I reached up and wrapped my arm around his.
"What you're asking, it's... not within my power to do."
"Why? 'Cause it's divine prophecy?" I asked with bitterness in my tone.
"Yes."
"So, what – We're just supposed to sit around and, and wait for it to happen?"
"I'm sorry."
"Screw you. You and your mission. Your God. If you don't help me now, then when the time comes and you need me... don't bother knocking." Dean pushed past Castiel, I watched as his anger rolled off him in waves.
"Dean.. Dean." Cas called out.
"What?!"
"You must understand why I can't intercede. Prophets are very special. They're protected."
"I get that."
"If anything threatens a prophet, anything at all, an archangel will appear to destroy that threat. Archangels are fierce. They're absolute. They're heaven's most terrifying weapon."
"And these archangels, they're tied to prophets?" I asked stepping into their conversation.
"Yes."
"So if a prophet was in the same room as a demon –" I mumbled. Looking up to Dean. He read my mind easily.
"Then the most fearsome wrath of heaven would rain down on that demon. Just so you understand... why I can't help." Castiel answered before disappearing.
"Go! Now… I'll stay here. Hold off Lillith just incase."
"No. Em I don't like it."
"Dean. As much as I don't want another face off, she's scared of me. She's less likely to pull something with me here, and you and I both know it."
"Fine."
"Do me a favor.. take Judson."
"Why? What is up with the two of you?"
"Nothing. I just… need some space."
"Well then tell him to fuck off."
"Just. Please!" I whined as we made it back to the door.
"Fine…" Dean mumbled as he opened the door. "Kid you're with me. Let's go."
Judson looked curiously between Dean and I but went quickly, sensing Dean's hurry.
This left just Sam and I alone…
"What's he doing now?" Sam asked.
"Don't worry about it… you wanted a show down. Well. Looks like you might just get one."
"Em. We can take her. No problem… I watched what you did to Alastair! I watched Lillith flee from you in that house."
"Please… never. Ever. Speak of that house." I said cringing.
"Sorry kiddo… I just. I don't understand what you're worried about."
"Sam… I watched you die. I watched Dean die. I can't do it anymore. I don't know how to explain it other than the fact that part of me dies too, and just because you two came back. Not all of me came back… okay? Do you get that at all?"
"Yeah… Em. I do."
"Then why are we still sitting in this fucking room?"
"Because… this is something I have to do. I will kill her."
"Even if it kills you too?" I asked him with a stare. Instead of responding he looked away from me.
"Fine… I'm not going to be here to watch."
But just then… a knock at the door. My heart stopped.
It's her. I can feel it.
Sam pointed at the small closet. I quickly hid myself inside, and listened carefully as Sam approached the door.
"Hello, Sam." She spoke with a voice like silk.
"I've been waiting for you." He replies… cheesy ass.
"Where's the knife, Sam?"
"On the nightstand. By the bed."
I could hear footsteps… but then they stopped. Shit. She saw it.
"You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that."
"How 'bout this?" He replies with a tone of cockiness to his voice… dammit!
I could hear the sound of wind flying around the room, but then I could only hear Lillith giggle.
"You're strong. But you're not that strong. Not yet."
I was fixing to bust out of the closet and face her, but then Sam's voice stopped me.
"So why don't you throw me around then?"
"Because I can't, and you know it. You're immune to my charms. Seems we're at a stalemate."
"Why are you here?"
"To talk."
"Yeah, well, I'm not interested." Sam scoffed.
"Hmm... even if I'm offering to stand down? From the seals... the apocalypse... all of it?"
"You expect me to believe that?"
"Honestly? No. You were always the smart one. But it's the truth. You can end it, Sam. Right here, right now. I'll stop breaking seals, Lucifer keeps rotting in his cage. All you have to do is agree to my terms."
"Why would you back down? Why now?"
"Turns out, I don't survive this war. Killed off, right before the good part starts."
"What do you want?"
… What the hell is this?! Some kind of a negotiation?!"
"For it to go back to the way it was. Before I had angels to deal with 24/7. The good old days, when it was all baby blood all the time."
"And what do you want in return?"
"Your head on a stick. Em's, too. I can't have her just running around on the back burner… Always on my mind. So what do you say, Sam? Self-sacrifice is the Winchester way, isn't it?"
"You really think I'm stupid enough to fall for this?"
Well I sure as fuck hope not Sam.
"I make a deal, I have to follow through. Those are the rules, and you know it. Are you really so arrogant that you would put your life before the lives of six billion innocent people? Maybe it's all that demon blood pumping through your pipes. Man after my own heart."
"You think I'm like you? I am nothing like you."
"Then prove it. Going once…. Going twice."
"Fine."
WHAT?!
"Swell. By the way, a contract with me will take more than a kiss. A lot more. Don't worry. The dental hygienist in here? She wants it bad.
Ahhh hell no. I am not sitting here for this. I slammed the door open just in time to see Sam on top of her, lips melting together, and the knife in his hand.
DAMMIT!
Just when I was sure I had blown his grand plan, Dean and Chuck come busting through the front door.
"I am the prophet Chuck!" Chuck shouts nervously. I see Judson wander in behind them, immediately moving towards me.
"You've got to be joking." She said as she shoves Sam off and stands.
"Afraid not." I smiled, she then turned to face me, not realizing I was there when Chuck distracted her. I could instantly see the fear in her eyes.
I moved to raise my hand, but… before I could. The ground beneath me rumbled.
"You see, Chuck here's got an archangel on his shoulder. You've got about 10 seconds before this room is full of wrath and you're a piece of charcoal. You sure you want to tangle with that?" Dean cut in.
Lillith looks back at Sam once more before screaming out of her vessel and disappearing.
"Let's go! NOW!" Judson grabs me and shoves me out the door, dragging me into the wooded area behind the parking lot of the motel.
"Slow down!" I fought back.
"Keep going!" He said as he pulled and pushed me to run in front of him.
"What the hell is going on?!" I asked out of breath.
"The Archangel… he won't differentiate one threat from the other. He'll kill you if he thinks you are a danger to Chuck. I didn't want to you there when he appeared. IF, he even appears."
"Oh." I mumbled as I fought to catch my breath. We finally stopped and leaned against a large tree.
"Are you done pawning me off on Dean for the night? Or should I make my way back to him?" Judson then asked.
"Sorry." I whispered as I looked down.
"What happened today Em? We were fine and the-"
"And then Castiel showed up…" I interrupted.
"Emily. I thought we were putting this behind us."
"I thought we were too." I said crossing my arms. "Do you still meet with him like you did?"
"Yes. Sometimes."
I shook my head and turned away from him.
"Emily. You know the deal. I have to report. I have to keep tabs. I have to touch base with him. Or they're gonna come looking for themselves."
"Everything about it still feels wrong." I mumbled.
"Babe. I'm not hiding this anymore. I'm not hiding the conversations. Hell, if you want. I'll wake you up and take you with me to every single one of them."
"I don't want to talk to him…"
"Which is why I don't bother to even mention it. Em, sweetheart. I know this is still touchy for you, and I know you're still working on trusting me again. But please. Don't just push me away like this. It drives me nuts."
"Well being 'reported' on drives me nuts." I rebutted.
"I'm sorry sweetheart." He sighed. "I can't help it."
"Well neither can I… It still just gives me the creeps, okay?"
"Okay…"
"So let's just never fucking talk about it."
"Whatever you want."
"I hate it when we fight." I admitted softly.
"Me too…"
Instead of talking anymore I just leaned into him. Let him hold me. Let him kiss me.
Let it all go…
I can't make this work if I can't let it go… but I just can't forget it all.
…..
The backseat was chilly with the tarp still flapping. Judson was asleep, I laid against him, nodding in and out of consciousness until something caught my attention.
"So a deal, huh?" Dean asked Sam from the front seat.
"That's what she said." Sam nodded.
"To call the whole thing off – angels, seals, Lucifer rising, the whole nine?"
"That was the gist of it."
"Huh."
"What?"
"You didn't think once about taking it?"
"You kidding me? Dude, no way am I letting her near Em. Besides you spent all day trying to talk me off the Lilith track."
"I'm just asking."
"She would have found some way to weasel out of it. And again.. Once she mentioned Em. It was off the table. Point blank. If it was just me… maybe I would have had a different train of thought. But I'm not letting anything happen to her."
"Well at least we are on the same page there."
"100%. Anyway, that's not the point."
"What's the point?"
"The point is, she's scared. I could see it. Lilith is running."
"Running from what?"
" Maybe Em. Maybe something else. Don't know. But she was telling the truth about one thing."
"What's that?"
"She's not gonna survive the apocalypse. I'll make sure of that."