Serious Veil Time

Summary: Harry follows Sirius through the Veil, ends up back in the past with the Marauders along with his godfather. Hijinks and stupidity.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

XXX

Harry was very much aware that he wasn't the most sensible of people. He had an unfortunate tendency to jump into things without preparing for it. In fact, he'd once gone down into the Chamber of Secrets to fight a basilisk, without first stopping by his Transfiguration teacher and asking her to make him a cockerel, going instead to ask help from the man who he'd already believed to be just as useless as he really was.

With that in mind, it shouldn't be surprising that when Sirius Black, his godfather, as well as his only real hope of living with a loving family, fell through the Veil of Death in the Department of Mysteries, that Harry Potter, terminally-reckless-and-with-no-regards-for-his-own-life Boy Hero, followed him.

That's right. When Sirius fell through the Veil, Harry Potter followed him before he'd even had a chance to register what he was actually doing.

Fortunately, the Veil of Death, was mostly named such because nothing ever came back out. The Veil was however, completely unrelated to Death.

Which was a bit of a shame, because for a millisecond he'd been looking forward to seeing his parents again. But, at the same time, it was fortunate, because it meant that after a very, very, very – he really couldn't stress this enough – uncomfortable ride, Harry James Potter, savior of the Wizarding World, was spat back out.

Straight into the back of his godfather, who'd just managed to get up on his knees, causing them both to crash into a very undignified heap on the floor.

Harry looked up at the ceiling that looked a lot like the ceiling in the Department of Mysteries, and sneaked a glance at the Veil of Death standing some way away. Once satisfied that they really were still there, Harry leapt up to kill Bellatrix for being the culprit behind that horrible, horrible experience.

Only to find that she wasn't there.

Actually, nobody was there, and there were no signs of the battle either.

Now feeling quite cautious about the situation, Harry did the sensible thing.

"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." He quoted a movie.

XXX

After having spent a disturbingly long time trying to explain the Wizard of Oz to Sirius, the two of them had set off to find where exactly they'd landed.

Turns out they'd gone back in time. But, after a brief discussion that gave Harry a headache and left Sirius smirking in victory, they concluded that if they really had gone back in time, there was not only no way back – the Veil didn't count since both of them had more or less sworn Wizard's Oaths never to jump or fall through it ever again – but that they must've broken so many laws on how time-travel worked, that they could probably conclude that they were in a different dimension.

Thankfully for Harry who didn't understand the difference, Sirius basically stated themselves to be Paradox Free, meaning that if they went out and made sure that Harry was never born, it wouldn't matter since it would be the non-birth of a different Harry.

Once that had been agreed upon, they realized that neither of them had had the foresight to bring any actual cash along with them, meaning that they were penniless and stranded in a strange new world.

Sirius did the adult thing and panicked helplessly, mumbling about how he couldn't even steal his own money since he hadn't inherited anything yet. And Harry found himself watching his godfather's nervous despair with something akin to morbid fascination.

That's how the Unspeakables found them.

It took them several hours before it was finally decided that they were of no threat. Even sadder was that Harry couldn't tell them anything about Voldemort that they didn't already know – only a note to keep an eye out for a diary signed to a T.M. Riddle – but once that was all done, they were both given new identities.

Sirius had given up his last name in a way that reminded his godson a lot of the phrase 'hot potato', and they'd both decided to be classified as uncle and nephew, with the wonderful name of Velare – Italian for 'veil'.

There were a lot of jokes surrounding their new family name, and of course a few 'serious' jokes slipped in as well. But, finally, the Unspeakables were gracious enough to find them a place to live for the time being. They also managed to write in Harry into Hogwarts, once they found out that he had been doing his OWLs in his old world.

Sirius was given an appointment with St Mungos once his time in Azkaban came to light. And the Unspeakables gave their word to keep an eye out to make sure that being sent there without a trial would never happen to anyone else.

XXX

As Harry stood at Platform 9 ¾ at September the 1st he realized for the first time in his life that whilst this was his chance at meeting his parents, he'd probably be at least a little bit homesick.

Sirius seemed thrilled once he mentioned that out loud, but spared his godson a bone-crushing hug on account of him being 16 now, and everyone knowing that teenagers didn't want to be hugged in public.

Of course, that didn't mean that he didn't sling his arm around his shoulders, tell him to write, give him a few last minute tips on getting girls, mentioned 'accidentally' in passing for the fifteenth time exactly where he could get his hands on alcohol, and told him that fights were perfectly fine but that if he ever considered even for a moment that it'd be a good idea to put his life on the line with his 'saving people thing' then Sirius would be forced to pee on him.

This was met with quite a few disturbed glances from the surrounding crowd, until Sirius turned into a very big dog and happily began slobbering all over Harry's face.

With an outraged cry of disgust, some laughter, a brief hug goodbye, and vicious use of a water gun he'd picked up as a souvenir, Harry made his way onto the train.

They weren't worried about either of them being recognized, partly because apparently someone had managed to change the color of Padfoot's fur to a slightly beige variant, and partly because Sirius' hair was that same color, with Harry's enthusiastic spikes still somehow resisting anything they threw at them until they turned out a very distinguished looking gray.

Sirius had laughed a lot about that, saying that it was because he worried too much about things. And Harry had responded by turning all of his godfather's underwear pink.

It had easily been the best summer of Harry's life.

Now came the big question of what to do. Was he supposed to try and locate the Marauders? Or his mother? Or just grab a random seat and keep his head down until the Sorting? Or make friends with other random people? Or get into a fight with Snivellus? Or get into a fight with someone else? Or talk a bit with Regulus Black in an attempt to woo him away from snake-face?

With a final shrug, Harry grabbed a random seat in an empty car. He'd have to play it by ear, which was really what he did best.

By the time another face peeked into his compartment, Harry was well on his way through his Defense textbook.

"Are you new?" Came the slightly confused voice of one Lily Evans.

Harry looked up into the same green eyes he'd inherited and felt his breath hitch as he bit back the tears of hearing his mother's peaceful voice.

Naturally, he'd been preparing for this, and with little enough reaction to be classified as a bit jumpy and nothing else, Harry smiled at her.

"Yeah, I was home schooled, but my uncle figured that I needed to get out more." He shrugged. "Something about having too much time on my hands since I was busying myself with dyeing his underwear pink."

Lily blinked, clearly startled by this random confession of pranking, but quickly regained her wits.

"So, you live with your uncle?" Came the hesitant question.

"Yeah." He smiled brightly. "He's a complete nutter, and he seems to be telling me to get laid far too often, but he's a good guy. Even if he did once eat my shoes."

"He ate your shoes?" She was looking at him like he was crazy for some reason.

"He's a dog animagi, and he does a lot of annoying things, like lick my face to wake me up, pee in my socks drawer as revenge..." He trailed off, shaking his head sadly. "Personally, I think he's the one who needs to get laid, but his nurse is very insistent that he shouldn't get involved in too much emotional stuff right now."

"His nurse?" Now she looked worried.

"Umm, he was exposed to Dementors a bit too much, and now they're slightly worried about the impact on his psyche, or something." He shrugged. "Or his nurse is trying to get into his pants and doesn't want anyone else to get him first. Whichever, really."

Lily clearly didn't know how to respond to this dismissal attitude towards Dementor exposure, having heard a lot about just how horrible they really were, so Harry decided to help her along.

"By the way, my name's Harry. Harry Velare."

"Lily Evans." She smiled, and held out her hand, which he promptly shook, much to her delight.

They carried on, conversing lightly about various subjects, as the train finally began to move.

As they discussed schoolwork, Harry freely admitted that he was pretty much rubbish at Potions, and that he was surprisingly skilled at Defense, despite complications with finding decent teachers on the subject. Lily, in return, volunteered to help him with Potions in return for help with Defense, to which he readily agreed.

And it was at this point in their conversation that another person finally located their compartment.

"Ah, Evans." James smiled brightly at her, completely ignoring the gray-haired new person sharing the compartment – he was, after all, not important.

"Potter." Came the icy tones from the young witch in response, clearly showing off just how pleased she was to see him.

Now, a part of Harry was delirious with joy at seeing both his parents at the same time, another part was writhing in horror as they were arguing, and the final part of him was vaguely amused by the entire spectacle.

"Oh, and who might you be?" Came the curious question from a grinning idiot who'd just appeared behind the Potter Heir.

Suppressing the urge to laugh at the thought of Sirius meeting Sirius, Harry did his best to answer this surprisingly polite question – surprisingly, because everyone knew that Sirius had no manners.

"Harry Velare. Transfer student. I used to be home schooled, but my uncle didn't want me in the house with too much time on my hands." He shook his head remorsefully. "I swear, you sneak polyjuice into his food one time, and he never lets you live it down."

The Marauders, who'd by now all entered into the compartment so that they could gawk equally over the new student, stared at him in a mixture of confusion and awe.

"You snuck polyjuice into his food?" Lily sounded somewhat outraged at the prospect.

"He ate my shoes! He damn well deserved it!" Harry protested, perhaps slightly too vehemently.

"Your shoes?" By now even Remus looked disturbed.

"He's a dog animagi." He explained exasperatedly.

"What was the polyjuice of?" Sirius finally interrupted, wanting to now the important thing.

"Hm? Oh, I stole a hair from some random muggle girl off the street." Now Lily looked quite outraged indeed, so he hurried to add. "It's not like he'd have done anything about it, it only sticks for an hour, and with the exception of poking himself in the chest once, he spent the rest of that hour, plus another three, chasing me throughout the house."

Lily looked somewhat mollified, but was still looking annoyed at his casualness towards pranks.

"So, who are you four?" He decided to divert the attention away from his and his godfather's prank wars.

"James Potter." Came the joyously smug voice of Prongs, as he pulled his fingers through his hair in a way that really was quite ridiculous.

"Sirius Black." Who seemed like his family name was very disgusting to taste on his tongue – Harry could relate, he only needed to think of introducing himself as 'Harry Dursley' and suddenly he was feeling a distinct urge to retch.

"Remus Lupin." Was the calm and polite answer from the Marauders' Voice of Reason.

"Peter Pettigrew." Squeaked the rat, not wanting to be forgotten.

"And I guess that means everyone knows everyone. Great. Did I mention that my uncle promised that if I get expelled for a prank that was actually funny, he'll buy me a new broom?"

"Why would he-...?" Lily decided to voice the question they all wanted to ask.

"I guess he figured that I might go crazy or something, so he made sure that I knew that the only way to escape from Hogwarts was to make a funny prank that would get me expelled. He's always loved his odd little schemes..." He explained fondly.

The Marauders quickly found themselves in awe at the strangeness of Harry's uncle, and once they heard that he apparently made the same 'serious' jokes about his name as their very own Padfoot, they decided that they'd have to meet him sometime. Nobody who loved pranks enough to teach his nephew about it, despite knowing he'd be the victim for these pranks, could possibly be evil.

Lily was still peeved at losing her partner in schoolwork-talk, but Harry made sure to drag her into the conversation, and sternly pointing out to the Marauders that there's a very fine line between pranking and bullying, and that as the sacred trade that pranking was, it was a line that was truly never meant to be crossed.

Remus was quite pleased with this lecture, as it seemed to finally be driving home something he'd been trying to tell his friends for quite some time now.

The trip left Harry feeling oddly off though, and it took him until he was standing on the platform at Hogsmeade to realize what the reason was.

Draco Malfoy never showed up to taunt him.

Considering this odd revelation for a bit, Harry concluded that it was an oddity he could learn to live with.

XXX

"And now, we have a transfer student that's joining us for his fifth year of school." Albus explained to the curious Great Hall.

"Velare, Harry." Read McGonagall, beckoning him forward.

The Hat looked just as old as it had always done, which really only proved how fantastically ancient it must've been for decades to not even be able to make an impact on it.

"Well... this is a tad unusual."

Really? I thought it happened all the time.

"Try to be seriou-... No, don't say it. Those jokes were old long before your godfather was born, young man. But I suppose we should get to Sorting you."

Not Ravenclaw.

"Ah, yes. Not a House for you... Hufflepuff, perhaps? It takes a special kind of loyalty to throw yourself through the Veil of Death, just to follow in the footsteps of a loved one."

Yeah, well, actually that's...

"More of a Gryffindor thing, never thinking things through. Yes, much recklessness in your life. An auror would perhaps be a good line of work. Always following orders without hesitation, throwing yourself into harms way for people who will never appreciate what you do for them."

You know... Saying it like that, I'd think you're trying to discourage me from that, for some reason.

"Now why would I do such a thing? It's not my place to tell a student what job to pick. I'm merely calling it as I'm seeing it."

And you're seeing me getting into danger for the sake of others, without getting anything for it, and probably being blamed for everything that might go wrong?

"Well, doesn't it seem much like a trend in your life?"

That's-... You're just-...

"Sorry, but being a parselmouth really isn't all that it's hyped up to be. After all, it's merely a language. And even if you could speak a language for creatures of unspeakable evil, it wouldn't make you evil."

Yeah, well, try explaining that to the Wizarding World.

"Ah yes. Common sense. They really are lacking in that. Now, let's return to the Sorting, shall we? Hmm... Not Hufflepuff, you wouldn't be comfortable around so many others. Slytherin perhaps? Or do you still insist like the last time you were Sorted?"

I-... I honestly don't know. I don't want to end up in Death Eater boot-camp, but Sirius asked me to keep an eye on his brother. On the other hand, I'm not sure how I'd handle being alone with Wormtail, possibly without witnesses.

"Ah, but you're actually learning, and paying attention. You're quite mature, even for those of your age. Perhaps Gryffindor and it's stubborn righteousness is not for you?"

I still hate Snape?

"With good reason! A teacher like that? He should've been thrown off the Astronomy tower. Belittling generations of witches and wizards, driving them away from his own subject, and then having the gall to call himself a teacher! But I digress... Let's see, Gryffindor will let you see your parents."

I know.

"And you both fear and long for it. Yes, I can see the difficulty. Not very Gryffindorish of you, trying to avoid that which you fear."

What would I gain? They're not my parents. Not yet, nor will they ever be. Not even if they give birth to a boy named Harry Potter. They're not mine.

"Very well. Do you perhaps have a purpose?"

No. I just want to live. To be free from this damn war, and Voldemort.

"Ah, a survivor. More that than hero, I think. True, there is a desire to help, but the longing for freedom dwarfs it all."

What are you talking about?

"Nothing in particular. Most who put me on seek acknowledgment in some form. Rare, indeed are those who seek to simply be free. They happen, those oppressed by their families, those who long to escape into the school."

So, I'm special again?

"Not nearly as special as you already were, do not worry about it. So, as always, it comes down to a choice. Slytherin, or Gryffindor? Cunning and ambition, or righteous recklessness?"

I'm a prankster?

"Indeed, you are, Harry Velare. I wish you luck in SLYTHERIN!"

The Marauders all seemed a bit put-out at their potential new friend ending up in the House they hated, and even Lily looked a bit uncertain.

That is, until Harry removed the Hat, got to his feet, and declared towards the heavens.

"First rule of Pranking: Don't get caught! Second rule of Pranking: Don't be a bully! Third rule of Pranking: Don't discriminate! Fourth rule of Pranking: Always aim for the untouchables! Thus the Prankster's Motto: Be polite, be efficient, and have a plan to prank everyone you meet! Thank you." And with a bow at the very confused and very surprised crowd, Harry Velare took his seat at the Slytherin table.

XXX

Slytherin wasn't sure what to think of Harry Velare.

One one hand, his uncle was a wizard, so he wasn't a muggleborn, and he knew enough of the pure-blood traditions that they didn't find his behavior offensive – thanks to Sirius and his 'school of boring but useful stuff for scoring with girls'. But on the other hand, he seemed more interested in pranking people than he was about the war, or the ministry, or schoolwork.

The fact that he'd more or less forcibly befriended both Regulus Black – who seemed both annoyed and amused by this – and Severus Snape – who he'd actually gotten to use shampoo after reading to him endless stories about girls wanting to pull their fingers through boys' hair – just made everyone all that much more confused.

In the end though, they were brightening.

Slytherin was in many cases the House for those shunned by others, those with a thirst to prove themselves worthy.

They weren't evil. They were bigoted, but then, considering their education, they were basically told that muggles were completely worthless. And that prejudice wasn't really solved with the first-hand accounts of half-bloods, because most of them didn't really have a happy childhood, and in many cases that was their parents' fault.

Basically, they were told by their own parents that muggles were useless. Muggleborns were utterly offensive to most of, if not all of, their traditions. And the half-bloods of their House, told them how happy they were to get the hell away from their homes.

No wonder Slytherin was filled with bigots when muggles had credentials like that.

Regardless, Harry Velare had no real pull on his House. He had no money to speak of, he avoided speaking of his heritage enough to make everyone sure that he wasn't as pure-blooded as some of them, and he really didn't have a lot to bargain with. But Harry Velare was happy. He would laugh with Gryffindors, follow Filch around and try to get him to laugh – or get him laid, whichever came first – annoy Ravenclaws by bringing up random subjects that they'd never heard of before, have long talks with Hagrid about dangerous creatures, try to get one of the Hufflepuffs to teach him how to juggle, and just generally having a grand time.

Slytherin had been preparing itself for going out into war, and now they were given the chance at being kids.

Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts, was very intrigued by this recent addition to the House of snakes. Mostly because he seemed to be dragging the carpet out from underneath Voldemort's support-base, but also because he seemed more concerned about making everyone play nice with each other than he was of schoolwork.

The Marauders were actually seen backing off from Slytherin, and their bullying of Snape had completely ceased. Several Slytherins were very slowly, and very tentatively reaching out to the other Houses, most of these being First Years, but some of them being older than that. Ravenclaws were researching things about how the muggle-world truly worked, and quickly coming to the frustrating conclusion that interviewing the muggleborns was much more cost-efficient and truthful than asking their muggle-studies teacher. Hufflepuffs were leading the charge at socializing between Houses. And Gryffindor was being smacked over the head until they started to think through just how prejudiced many of their own members were against things like 'being in Slytherin' or a number of other things.

And all of this was being done by a Slytherin who was pranking them all.

Harry Velare had a friendship mixed with rivalry between himself and the Marauders of Gryffindor, he'd been annoying Regulus Black with his presence until the boy simply didn't bother with brushing him off, and he'd been getting closer to a grease-free Severus Snape.

In the end, whilst Slytherin had been unsure of what they should be doing with him. Harry had been spreading so many seeds in every which way, that once they began to react, they couldn't really stop him.

Slytherin had been divided. Those who would support Voldemort's agenda, despite better options that were available. And those who'd rather just be a Hogwarts student like everyone else.

It wasn't really until this moment that most of the teachers began to realize to just what extent they'd been driving the Slytherins into a corner. Most of those who now did were horrified by their own reactions, and some of those began to wonder just why this had happened, how it could've gone this far.

So, Ravenclaws were starting to question the pure-blooded views of their society, because they were given teachers who didn't understand anything. Slytherins were cutting loose – as much as a kid with ambition and a strict upbringing allows themselves to cut loose. Gryffindors were beginning to settle back down from its rivalry with Slytherin, with Sirius somehow ending up as the poster-boy for the non-discrimination after it came out that he'd lost his virginity to one of the snakes. Hufflepuffs were happily spreading out across the school like a friendly blanket. And the teachers were left wondering about the advantages and disadvantages about the House system.

Grinning happily at the chaos that followed in his footsteps, Harry sat down next to a Severus who smelled pleasantly clean, and who was actually smiling about something Regulus was saying.

Regulus might be the one who'd been told to uphold the family name of the Blacks, since his brother was a disgrace, and he might've been quite upset at his brother for betraying the family so easily. But, well, his parents had never told him that he wasn't allowed to make friends with other Slytherins.

Harry was still somewhat awed at the ease at which he'd more or less turned Hogwarts upside-down. He'd talked about muggles with Ravenclaws. He'd been cheerful in the Slytherin common room, quickly wooing the uncertain First Years to his side. He'd started a friendly prank war with the Marauders. He'd made an effort to talk to the Hufflepuffs. And suddenly it'd all exploded.

It was, quite possible, the most awesome thing he'd ever done. And he'd reflected a Killing Curse at the age of one, fought a basilisk when he was twelve, driven off a hundred Dementors at thirteen, participated in a dangerous tournament and won at age of fourteen, and attacked the Department of Mysteries and then traveled back in time to an alternative universe all at the age of fifteen. He was now sixteen.

Maybe he should consider retiring?

Nah. Too many pranks still left to pull.

XXX

A/n: At this point in time, I was torn between either calling it a very sudden end, or turning it into some kind of pairing with this situation as background.

I couldn't think of any pairing except Harry/Sirius, which would've made everything confusing and awkward and hilarious, but I couldn't think of any way to start it. So it's finished.

Below is something I thought might've been fun to have in the future.

XXX

"You framed Gilderoy Lockhart for killing Voldemort." Sirius stated flatly. "You then bribed and threatened him into becoming responsible with his newfound fame, whilst at the same time securing his livelihood for the rest of his life."

"Yeah, pretty much." Harry nodded before taking a bite out of his breakfast toast.

"Damn. That's just-... I-I suppose I'll have to owe you my firstborn for this." Sirius admitted reluctantly.

"Just name me its godfather and we'll call it even." Harry grinned at him.