What was Natsuki doing awake at this hour—and smoking too? Shizuru had never suspected that the Ariesian did so. Caught off guard, she missed Natsuki's remark entirely. She had definitely said something. "I am sorry, Natsuki. What did you say?" Her concern only grew greater as her charge didn't reply immediately. "Nats—"

"—Sorry." Natsuki grumbled, exhaling a breath of smoke. "You surprised me, is all." She wasn't sure what to do about this; Natsuki couldn't exactly tell her to go away, now could she? This was fine, she supposed. At least she wouldn't be getting stuck inside of her own head, right? Crushing her cigarette out in the ashtray, she asked: "Can't sleep, huh?"

"Not at all, perhaps I subconsciously knew that Natsuki is awake?" Shizuru teased weakly, a smile painting across her lips. Leaning against her balcony railing, she loosely crossed her wrists. Their conversation fell flat, worrying the Meister. From the short time she had known Natsuki, it was clear that she suffered greatly. Worse, she had the tendency to keep her feelings bottled up. This was bound to get worse if it continued. "May I come over?"

That tease. Natsuki's eyes narrowed but her demeanour soon shifted upon the request. "Ah, sure?" It wasn't like she had anything better to do.

Chapter 13: Alternative Perspective

"How are you feeling, Natsuki? To be honest, I worry that you are trapped in your own head most days." Standing beside the wheelchair-bound woman, Shizuru mused. Natsuki was a tricky one, that was for certain. It was a breath of fresh air, actually. Ever since enroling into Garderobe, she had been treated differently. It unsettled Shizuru how much her classmates had been afraid to insult her somehow. Garderobe's total student population per year was a mere fifty. Those who had successfully applied deserved as much respect as herself. Or, at least Shizuru had assumed this. Girls were indeed a strange species. To be treated so casually by Natsuki—she liked that.

"Like shit."

Blinking, Shizuru glanced the woman's way. "Have you always felt this way?"

"...I guess?" The answer somehow didn't sound adequate to Natsuki. Why? It was true. She didn't quite know when her mental health had started to deteriorate. It had probably begun minor until it was in the state it is now.

Retreating her gaze from Natsuki, the Meister stared up into the night sky. The stars were out and the crimson Administar could be seen clearly. It was a constant reminder of her fragile existence as an Otome. If it collided with something or lost its orbit, Garderobe would very well be finished. "Sometimes I think about what would happen if my abilities ceased to exist." Shizuru moved from the railings, sitting herself down beside Natsuki. "Nanomachines are unpredictable and their vessels more so at times." It was concerning how there were still numerous ways to lose their nanomachines. Very easily too. Perhaps if she shared such fears, this would help Natsuki in some way? The mentally ill apparently took comfort in sharing their struggles with others.

...Was it possible that Saeko had sponsored her in the hope that she could relate to Natsuki? Maybe.

"Because some Otome want to get into men's pants?"

Shizuru chuckled. "You could say that."

Natsuki had heard of the countless scandals revolving around rebel Otome. Why sacrifice everything just because of a silly relationship? To become a Meister was the dream, right? To treat it so ambivalently was obscene. Why would an Otome destroy all of that work simply because she wanted a man in her knickers? "People like that shouldn't be Otome in the first place."

"It is a problem." The Meister agreed. "But, Natsuki. How are you?"

Natsuki could only sigh. "I dunno anymore." What was there to say? "I want my legs back? I wish my head would shut up? I wish I could enjoy something? Have a goal in life?" Casting her eyes down to her useless legs, she rubbed her forehead a moment later. Twisting away from the Meister, she leaned into her wheelchair's armrest. She hated telling people how she felt. All the more vulnerable in her mindset, Natsuki wondered whether to regret saying anything at all.

Feeling skin resting atop her other hand, Natsuki returned her gaze to the elder. Glancing down to their interconnected hands, Natsuki stared at the predicament hard.

"I am sorry, Natsuki. You must feel awful."

What is this? Unsure whether to bat the woman's hand away, Natsuki inwardly cursed herself. Instead, much to her surprise, Natsuki was drawn into a hug. Hovering her free hand by the woman' s back, she stiffened. "Wh-what, Shizuru?"

"Relax." Shizuru disliked how awkward this wheelchair was making this hug. She had to bend her torso into the armrest in order to reach Natsuki. But, it would suffice. She had the feeling that Natsuki hadn't received intimacy in a long while. "Please. If there is anything you wish to speak about at all, tell me. I am your Meister, Natsuki. To see you in such a state is concerning me greatly."

"Why would you care?" Natsuki grumbled into the woman's shoulder. She felt incredibly uncomfortable.

"Of course I care. I do this because it is my duty—and my desire."

A/N: My motivation to write has been terrible lately. This is because bluntly stating, it's so difficult to communicate with you guys. I love to hear what you think about my stories, how I could improve, what I could add, but very rarely do I receive anything past a "update please", or "thank you". I would like to thank everyone for reviewing so far; most particularly luvnanofate whose review motivated me to write this chapter.

As always, my profile is frequently updated. So make sure to check it occasionally.

Next: The Otome Ceremony.