A/N: After two years of nursing school and a nasty divorce, I finally have the mental energy required to dedicate myself to writing again. Many thanks to hunter 139, who has agreed to be my new beta after a long writing hiatus.
Shepard, your driving is going to be the death of me, Garrus thought as he awoke with a throbbing headache and a fog-filled brain. As he pushed himself up to a sitting position, the bright blue spherical form of Glyph floated up from the floor. Garrus closed his eyes and turned his head away as he lifted a hand up to block out the drone's light, which only worsened his now-pounding headache.
"Greetings, Mr. Vakarian. How are you feeling right now?" Glyph inquired in its usual polite but matter-of-fact tone.
Spirits, is it always this damn bright? Garrus thought, cracking open one eye. "I've… been better," he began slowly as his eyes adjusted to the drone's soft blue light. Raising himself up to a full sitting position, he began to look around the med bay, which was devoid of all light except Glyph's. Odd…Chakwas rarely turns the lights off in here… he thought as he brought his knees into his chest. "Glyph…why are all the lights off?" he asked, looking down by his right hand to see a stainless steel tray filled with blood-stained sponges and scalpels. He picked up a sponge between his thumb and index finger in an attempt to identify the color, but Glyph floated further away and over to the window before he had the chance to get closer look.
"According to Dr. T'Soni, Mr. Moreau overloaded the Normandy's FTL core, which resulted in a complete shortage of the Normandy's electrical system, which caused us to crash on an unknown planet" Glyph began as it looked through the window that separated the med bay from the rest of the crew deck. With the feeling that he shouldn't make any sudden movement, Garrus once more turned and lowered his legs over the side of the bed. On the other side of the window, narrow beams of lights from crisscrossed each other, pausing occasionally for a moment before moving elsewhere.
Garrus glanced over at the open doors of the AI core. "How come EDI doesn't have us back up and running?" he asked, absentmindedly scratching an itch on the back of his head under the left side of his crest. After all, she and Joker had been able to restore partial functionally to the Normandy after they'd crashed into the Collector base, and they'd had, what, a few hours, tops? He was surprised to feel not the back of his visor, but an unpleasant reminder from his first days on the SR-2: synthetic turian skin. The hell? Reaching back with both hands, he hastily began palpating the area underneath his crest while Glyph continued to drone on.
"EDI has been unresponsive since the activation of the Crucible…we are unsure why." Garrus' nausea spiked as something in the pit of stomach sank, and for the first time since waking up, he didn't think it was related to the light or his headache. He covered his face with his hands and held his head for a moment before looking up.
The Crucible… he thought as memories of their final push to the beam flooded his consciousness…
-the interior of a tank. He and James sit across from each other while Shepard converses with Admiral Anderson up front-
Garrus looked back up at Glyph, who was now floating over Dr. Chakwas' desk and now illuminated Garrus' visor, which was currently laying between Karin Chakwas' two laptops. He lowered his feet to the floor and gradually transferred his weight to his legs. So far, so good.
-"From here on in, it's a straight shot to the beam," Anderson says as their transport rumbled along the rough terrain-
During his vigilante days on Omega, he'd modified his visor to record audio and video whenever a suit-synced team member's vitals dropped to dangerous levels as a way to figure out how someone had gotten injured and how he could prevent it from happening again. Since he joined back up with Shepard two and half years ago, he'd spent countless hours reviewing and deleting footage, some pleasant, some not so much…and deep down, he knew he was about to view footage that fit the second description.
You know what you're going to find when you hit play, Vakarian, his gut whispered as he slowly began to raise himself upright. And he still felt unsteady, but his legs held his weight. He took a few steps towards the desk.
-"A straight shot with Reapers trying to crush us along the way," Major Coats chimed in from next to Vega-
-"We just need to get a handful of troops through" Anderson counters-
Garrus picked up his visor and looked it over before sliding back over the right side of head. As he did so, he brought up the storage and selected what looked to be the last recording stamped with his own vitals, which, by turian standards, indicated he needed immediate evac and surgery. He reached back and touched the spot under his visor. Thanks, Dr. Chakwas, he thought as he pushed the playback button.
-Silence fills the vehicle. Garrus and Vega exchanged a brief look before Garrus tossed out a causal "That all?" in an attempt to break the tension, but it was about as successful as his first romantic compliment to Shepard on the SR-2-
The playback began with what appeared to be him looking down at the ground, followed by someone helping him up.
Shepard… he thought with a pang as a Mako entered into view and the pair of them huddled behind it. Vega appeared shortly after, and even though he had his fair share of cuts and bruises, he didn't appear to require anyone's assistance to hobble a mere six feet to safety. "Normandy, do you copy?" Shepard's voice began as the screen returned to him looking back down at his legs, his head bouncing up and down. Spirits…post-head trauma endorphin release. Whenever turians sustained any serious injury, their bodies released a combination of hormones that could stabilize them for a short time-
"We're taking heavy fire-" Joker's voice cut in. There was too much static to make out the rest of what he said, but it must have meant he was on his way, because the roar of the Normandy's engines followed seconds later. Once more, Shepard pulled Garrus to his feet and they ran towards the Normandy, where he saw Vega dash up the ramp, turn around, and hold out his arm.
"Here…take him," she said as he stumbled into Vega.
"Shepard…" Crap. No vocal flanging, he thought as the vitals readout flashed ominous readings: irregular breathing, slowed heart rate, and the distance between his systolic and diastolic blood pressure had only continued to grow larger. Pretty sure Chakwas called it the "Cushy reflex." At the same time, his beloved green-armored redhead came back into view.
"You gotta get out of here," she ordered.
"And you've gotta be kidding me," he wheezed back.
Shepard's green eyes narrowed into slits. "Don't argue, Garrus," she replied.
"We're in this till the end," he shot back as Vega started to drag him away from her. (No small feat, considering Garrus' size and strength.)
She walked back up the ramp towards them and Garrus' heart leapt. "No matter what happens here-" she began, her voice shook uncharacteristically, "I love you," she said as she placed her left hand over the scarred portion of his face, her thumb resting underneath his eye as they came face to face. He reached up and placed his hand over the same spot. The camera titled to the side ever so slightly a little, and he knew he had tilted his head into her hand.
"Shepard, I…love you too" he rasped as she pulled away.
The playback ceased as Garrus felt a hand on the side of his visor and on his right shoulder. "I'm sorry, Scars," Vega's voice said from behind him.
"She's…" Garrus couldn't bring himself to say the words aloud as he sank to his knees as Vega wordlessly stepped around him and squatted down so that he was eye-to-eye with him.
"She stayed behind…"
Of course she did. "Why don't I remember…" he began, his head following Vega, who had stood back back up and currently had his hand extended down to him.
"Short version?" Vega began as Garrus took his hand, allowing Vega to help him back to a standing position. Garrus stumbled, but Vega quickly steadied him. And Shepard still beat him in a pull-up contest, he mused, taking a moment to regain his bearings, "a Mako damn near killed us both…and unfortunately, you took the worst of it." Vega began leading him out of the med bay, which Garrus saw no reason to protest. "Hey Glyph, you mind lighting the path to the second level?"
"Right away, Mr. Vega," Glyph answered as it hovered in front of them. The battle-scared pair began shuffling out of the med bay. As the made their way through the med bay doorway, Garrus couldn't help but notice that numerous panels and pipes were either missing or protruding from spaces that they weren't supposed to be protruding from. In addition, the scent of recently-extinguished fires hit his nostrils. "Damn…what the hell happened here?" Garrus asked, reaching out at an odd-looking indentation on the wall to their immediate left.
Vega came to a stop and while Garrus continued to stare at the wall "You…don't remember, do you?" Vega began hesitantly as Glyph's light fully illuminating the vaguely familiar-shaped dent. That strangely resembles the outline of a full-sized turian…
Garrus turned to look at Vega, his brows rising questioningly. "Did you…"
Reaching back and scratching the back of his neck as he glanced down at his feet. "You, uh, weren't exactly…cooperating with us when we dragged you back up here…" Vega began nervously.
Garrus ran his fingers down the three perpendicular lines spaced equally apart. Well, this explains part of my headache, he thought as he turned back to the beefy lieutenant. "So you slammed me against the wall…alone?"
"Uhh…"
"Oh, don't worry, he had help," Ashley interjected from across the room. "Hey Glyph, you mind giving us some light?"
"Right away, Ms. William," Glyph replied, whizzing past their head and over to server room.
"Who's comin' up?" Vega asked as Glyph lit up the floor around the maintenance shaft.
"Cortez," Ashley's voice echoed from the bottom of the shaft, along with what sounded like multiple humans and aliens crawling through them, "Adams, Dr. Chakwas, Tali, Daniels, and Donnelly." She poked her head out the opening again. "Could one of you find any of that numbing ointment in the bay? Adams claims his burns aren't hurting him, but he winced when Tali brushed up against him-"
"For the last time, Ms. Williams, I'm fine!" Adams snapped.
Garrus pulled away from the support of Vega and crossed over to where the other three human crew members were standing. "What happened while I was out?" he asked as he tried to interpret the expressions of his fellow crew mates, who all seemed to avoid making any eye contact with him.
"Long story, Garrus," Tali answered as Garrus peered down the shaft and damn near fell down it as smallish arms covered in gashes and hasty repairs reached up towards him.
Dropping to his knees with a resounding thunk, Garrus extended his arms out. Judging by her grip strength, she's not too bad, he thought as she steadied herself for a moment. "Tali? What the hell happened down there?"
"I'll be more than happy to explain-" she began, pulling herself up and over the edge. "…after you help me find where Chakwas hid the dextro antibiotics," Reaching around her and attempting to avoid touching any damaged areas, Garrus began leading her to the maintenance shaft in the life support room.
Spirits…what happened here?
Uuuuh…I'm dead, I'm in Hell, and Shepard is going to kick my ass, were the first coherent thoughts to enter Joker's head as he gradually became more aware of the ever-too—familiar pain of broken bones, a new sensation of what felt like seared-off skin all over his arms, and an unforgiving sharp surface poking into his back. Every muscle in his body had been clenched before he'd lost total control of the Normandy, and the last sensation he remembered was feeling frozen and being yanked backwards out of his seat. He opened his eyes only to be greeted by the four-eyed, eight-pupil gaze of Javik staring straight back at him.
"Javik, you're here too? Awesome…I always wanted to spend the afterlife with the angriest member of this crew…"
"Goddess, is he awake?" Liara's head popping into view alongside Javik's.
"So it would seem," Javik replied dryly, looking back up at Liara. "Any injuries?"
"I suspect he has a few hairline fractures, but nothing that Dr. Chakwas won't be able to fix," Liara began. Turning his head to the side, Joker saw the back of his chair and a cockpit that resembled the aftermath of the first Collector attack on the Normandy. Shit, shit, shit… He then noticed that Javik was literally holding him in his arms, which explained why he felt like he was lying on top of Garrus' head. "How do you feel, Jeff?"
"Like shit," he answered, turning back to face Liara, who was now examining his arms. "What…what happened here?"
Without explanation, one of Javik's three fingers made contact with his skin, immersing him in another memory-
-"Diverting 90% of remaining power kinetic barriers," EDI began as fires began to break out around him.
"EDI, what the hell are you doing?" his voice screams as the scene of an unknown planet he'd been trying to avoid grows alarmingly rapidly grows larger in front of him. They're going to crash, and he can't do anything to avoid it-
"Prepare for impact," she answers as he's immobilized momentarily in his seat before a force lifts him up and out of his chair-
Rapidly returned back to the present, Joker he found himself on all fours and inches from his seat, immobilized, and eyes fixed at the floor and… glowing blue?
"Javik!" Liara snapped, "He's already injured enough as is, so I'd appreciate it if you refrained from doing that-" -she must be referring to that memory-transmission-by-touch-thing- "-without warning him first!" she finished as the tips what he assumed to be her boots came into the top of his limited field of vision.
"Your Joker will carry more than physical scars, doctor," Javik quietly retorted before the sound of his footsteps grew louder. It was hard to tell, but he guessed that Javik was now on his right side.
"Jeff, I'm going to release you, but you need to stay calm, okay?" she said, the blue glow and his immobility subsiding. As it did, he gingerly rose himself up to a kneeling position.
"EDI…" his voice quivering slowly, his gaze focusing on the immobile form of EDI's body in the chair directly to the right of his.
"Your artificial intelligence has not responded since we crashed, Joker," Javik stated bluntly as Joker felt the weight of the Prothean's hands rest on his shoulders. Joker tensed, half-expecting to be pulled into another memory, but nothing happening.
"We believe that the red energy that overtook us may have done something to inactivate her," Liara added.
Shit, shit, shit. "Damn it…this is all my fault…" he said, covering his face with his hands in an attempt to hide what he figured were tears fighting their way out of his tear ducts.
"Joker…" Joker felt Liara rest her hand on his knees. At her touch, he made a gap in his fingers and saw Liara attempting to make eye contact with him. "None of us had any idea what would happen when the Crucible was activated…"
He glanced at down at her hand. Easy for you to say. "Why…why was I pulled out of my chair?"
"I used a combination of Stasis and Pull to protect you from the fire," she replied as she examined his arm. He winced, pulled away, and cradled his as she touched part of his arm, which, judging by the pain, had only been burned. "-and Dr. Chakwas requested that I begin treating your wounds first-"
Not one to defy Chakwas, he allowed Liara to resume her examination, but turned in his chair to survey the rest of the Normandy behind him. Javik had turned his attention back to the rest of the Normandy, and was currently holding a whispered conversation with Traynor about communications and where they had landed. Elsewhere, the dim emergency lighting was occasionally accentuated by the sparks of exposed wires and the lights of omni-tools resting on a spot for a few seconds, only to move to another spot. As a group started approaching them, he looked up at Liara, who seemed deeply immersed in treating what felt like every last scratch on his arm. As she disinfected what felt like particularly raw and painful burn, a large group came through the doors of what used to lead to Mordin's lab.
"Anyone figure out how to open that airlock yet?" Vega' voice sounded a bit weak, but then again, he'd just barely avoided death by Mako.
Hm, might be a good idea to do that. Joker glanced up at Liara. "Is it safe?" he asked, reminding himself that EDI wasn't around to answer questions regarding their crash site. Because of your stupidity, a small voice nagged at the back of his mind.
"Seeing how part of the Normandy's hull was destroyed in the landing and this planet's atmosphere hasn't killed us all already? I'd say so," Traynor replied as she and Javik glanced over at Joker.
Well, at least we have that going for us. "Hey Javik, you mind helping me with this door?" he asked with a backward glance at the rest of the approaching crew.
"Let me handle that, Javik," Garrus chimed in.
Let's hope there's nothing hostile out here, he thought to himself as he reached for the manual release switch.
As Garrus followed Joker out of the Normandy's airlock, another old human saying pushed its way to the forefront of his mind: No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
He told himself as he tried to push away the memory while closed the gap between him and Joker, who was currently surveying their new jungle surroundings. Without a word, their expressions met…and maybe it was wishful thinking, but Garrus swore saw his own overwhelming grief and guilt reflected back at him, as well as fear. We're shipwrecked on a strange planet with no communication, our shipboard AI is fried, and our leader…
-"No matter what happens here, you know I love you."
…Shepard…
"Scars?"
…why didn't I follow her…
"Hey, Garrus? You still with us?"
…Her hand on the right side of his face. "I always will."
Garrus felt a hand on the right side of his jaw, but before he could identify its owner, more memories began surging to the forefront of his mind.
"…Commander Shepard? Garrus Vakarian-"
"…words mean nothing until you put them into actions…"
The hell? Garrus felt the intrusion shifting through his memories until it came across more recent ones. He struggled to free himself, but he could feel someone gripping his head tightly.
The surface of Menae. "…failed C-Sec officer, vigilante…"
The top of the Presidium. "…alright, Vakarian, you're going down…"
Shepard's cabin. "Just once, I want something to go right…"
The gun battery of the Normandy. "You know what you're doing, Garrus. Trust me."
At this memory, he suddenly found himself inches away from Javik's face, uncomfortably close to his intense four-eyed gaze, and in a position that turians only shared with their intimate partners. Let go, his subvocals growled, even though he doubted that Javik could understand it. Much to his surprise, Javik released his head, took a step back, and crossed his arms as Garrus bared his teeth, his subvocals still growling.
Vega (who must have been a few steps behinds him) immediately threw himself in the space separating Garrus and Javik. Vega then turned to face Garrus, his hands raised in front of him. "Easy, Scars…Javik ain't our enemy, remember?"
"What the hell was that about?" Garrus spat as he craned his neck to look past Vega and at Javik as he instinctively reached back for his sidearm. He had been fully aware of Javik's ability to read memories through touch ever since they released him on Eden Prime, but to his knowledge, Shepard had been the only one that Javik had ever used it on.
The Prothean's expressions usually carried as much emotion as a pile of rocks, but Garrus swore he saw something resembling pity in the Prothean's features. "Now is not the time to grieve, turian," Javik answered as a wide-eyed Cortez appeared in the airlock entrance. As he did, Garrus felt a hand on his wrist. Joker, he thought, as he relaxed his grip on his pistol.
"Uh…everything okay out here?" Cortez asked as he shot concerned glances at Joker, Vega, Javik and Garrus in turn.
Garrus' mandibles gave one final flare as he moved his hand away from his sidearm and back down to his side. As much as he hated to admit it, Javik had a point. Without moving his gaze off Javik, he quickly racked his brain in attempt to explain what looked like (hell, it was) an unstable situation. "We…" he began awkwardly.
"I made the mistake of sneaking up on the turian," Javik finished. "An unwise decision, considering this one's hand-to-hand combat abilities."
"Thought he was about to whip that stick out of his ass and beat you with it," Joker muttered as he came up next to Garrus. For a brief moment, the old Joker returned, but the return became short-lived as soon as he laid eyes on the large patches of electrical damage on the Normandy's port side. "Fuck," he muttered as he dropped to his hands and knees and promptly vomited as Garrus was unpleasantly reminded of the condition of some of the bodies that remained inside-
Javik directed a puzzled at the Normandy's burn marks, then directed it at Garrus. "I am confused, turian. Does this-"
-the streets of Omega. "Over the years I've grown used to the smell of burning bodies-"
Cortez finished Javik's question for him. "Yes, Javik," he began "it has everything to do with the electrocuted crew members-"
-But back in Omega, those burning bodies weren't of humans that you spent countless waking hours with-
"I've got him," Garrus said, turning around and sidestepping the puddle of vomit as he knelt down next to Joker, whose stomach had once more emptied itself via the esophageal tract. "Go tend to the others." Out of the corner his eye, he saw Vega and Cortez climb back in through the airlock, but Javik turned and crossed his arms as he surveyed their new surroundings
"This-" Joker choked between dry heaves, his stomach seemingly done, "-is all my fault," he finished, breathing heavily.
Where's Shepard to deal with Joker when you need her? Garrus thought as he placed a hand on the pilot's shoulder. "Joker, none of us had any idea what would happen when she-" -Garrus found himself unable to say Shepard's name out loud- "-activated the Crucible."
"Did we?" Joker spat, although Garrus figured he was trying to clear some last traces of vomit. "In case you didn't notice, Mr. Stick-Up-Your-Ass, I have a bit of a history of not following directions, which Prothy the Prothean here witnessed firsthand-"
You and me both, Joker, Garrus thought.
Liara shot a look at Javik. Do something, it seemed to plead.
Javik nodded affirmatively. "Look around you, human," Javik interrupted as he turned around knelt down beside them and placed a hand on Joker's back while motioning to the world around them with the other. "What do you see?"
Joker looked back up at the sky a group of what humans would call fireflies floated over them. "Uhh, a dense jungle, a busted ship, and two ugly-ass aliens who could kill me barehanded?" he replied with the smallest hint of sarcasm.
"No Reapers," Ashley's answered. Garrus looked back up as she stepped down from the airlock. Other crew members appeared behind her, all with various injuries and burned clothing.
Garrus and Javik stood up as the pair approached them. "Correct, human," he answered approvingly as she stopped short of Joker's former stomach contents. (Traynor, on the other hand, was too engrossed in whatever was on her omni-tool to notice that she was standing in a puddle of human bile.)
Joker blinked. "You're sure?"
"Positive. Right before you overloaded the engines-" Traynor continued, oblivious to Joker's visible wince, "we received quantum entanglement communication reports of Reapers stopping and just…falling over," she finished as she brought up her omni-tool. "On Earth, Thessia, Palaven-" Garrus' heart leapt at the mention of his home planet- "…even weirder, any geth just-no, that can't be right-"
"What is it, Specialist?" Ashley pressed.
"They…vaporized into thin air?" Traynor's eyes seemed to widen.
For what felt like an eternity, everyone just stared at each other as the full effect of what Traynor had just said washed over them.
Garrus was the first to break the silence. "Are you telling me we actually-"
"Defeated the Reapers? It appears so, turian," Javik answered…and for the first time ever, a smile finally appeared on his face.
"So…now what?" Cortez asked as he looked back at the ship.
Garrus and Ashley exchanged glances, who currently wore her I'm gonna defer to you on this one expression, as she even she realized that three crew members had been in a similar situation before. "We do what we did when we crash-landed on the Collector Base," he began as he helped Joker stand back up. "We do a full damage assessment and go from there…"
But this time, without her.