Chpt. 26 APOV:
The alarm on my phone goes off the next morning and for the first time in days I wake feeling rested, despite our adventures the night before. I blush remembering the mess we made on Christian's sheets with the whip cream as they lie on the floor next to the bed. Christian moans next to me, pulling me against his warm body his erection pushing against my ass cheeks. Thankful I had the foresight to set my alarm for an hour early, I gently push back against his erection as his fingers find my nipples. I can't believe this man is ready to go again so soon after everything last night but it was a lonely four days without him. Seeing him yesterday was a real eye opener for me; I thought I was the only one suffering without sleep but now I realize he suffered much more than I did. I wish he would have called me and told me his nightmares were every night and that he was struggling to sleep.
"What time is it?" he nips my ear.
"Five" I answer.
"Why are we up so early?" he moans.
"Because I had a feeling you would be waking up like this" I push my ass against his hard erection.
"Hmmmmmmmmm you were so hot last night" he whispers in my ear. "The way you came so hard on me, the way you gripped my fingers, the way your pussy held me deep inside of you."
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh" I moan loudly as he pinches my clit as his finger mimics the act on my nipple.
"One day I'm going to take you in the playroom and keep you there for hours, trying to see how many times I can make you come and in how many different ways" he says.
"Ohhhhhhhhh" I moan at the thought.
"You like that idea?" he asks.
"Yes" I gasp as he slides a finger into my wet sex.
"This weekend" he says.
"Yes!" I exclaim as a second finger enters me.
He thrusts his fingers in and out of me forcefully before removing them quickly, leaving me feeling empty. He lays on his back, I sit up grasping his erection and taking it deep in my mouth. I hear him moan loudly as I take him deeper, although not as deep as he would like as this position is not conducive to that.
"I want to see you ride me" he says moments later.
I begin to turn around but he holds my hips firmly and turns me so I'm facing away from him. Understanding what he wants I straddle him so my back is facing him and bend slightly over his legs lowering myself slowly onto his awaiting erection. He grabs my ass and pulls me down harshly as he thrusts himself deep inside of me. There is something very erotic about this position which is new for us; knowing that he can watch himself go in and out of me right now arouses me even more. His hands pull on my ass, guiding me to a pace that he wants while letting me control how deep I take him. My hands are gripping his tight calves as I feel the orgasm building deep inside of me; his breathing hitches telling me he is close.
"Yes baby, that's it. Let me see your tight pussy ride me" he says.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhh" I moan, his words nearly sending me over the edge.
"You're so tight….so perfect….play with your clit baby" he instructs.
"Ahhhhhhhhhh….I'm so close….." I moan as my finger applies the slightest pressure to my clit.
"Make yourself come" he commands.
"Oh God!" I scream as I begin to take him in harder and deeper.
I can feel his eyes on me, knowing that he is watching our connection waiting to see me come pushes me over the edge and I scream out his name as the orgasm rips through my body. My body goes limp but I feel him forcefully moving me up and down, thrusting himself deeper into me until he finds his own release and I feel the familiar warmness inside of me. I grind myself against him, prolonging his orgasm and not wanting to break our connection. He pulls me up so I'm sitting on him, taking him deeper than before as his orgasm finally subsides. His hands run up and down my back, gently massaging me as our breathing finally begins to return to normal.
"We should get ready for work" his voice full of disappointment.
"We should" I agree but don't move.
"I slept so good last night" he admits quietly.
"Me too…it's been awhile since I woke feeling this rested" I say.
"Let's get in the shower" He quickly changes the subject, gently lifting me off of him.
I slowly follow him to the bathroom, my legs a little sore from our recent events. We don't talk about the obvious sleeping issue we both have when we're apart; I think it scares us both too much. If we can't sleep apart from each other, what does that mean for us? It is we can only sleep with each other or if there was another person in Christian's bed would he be able to sleep? The thought of another woman in his bed disgusts me, however I can't help but wonder if it's as simple as he can only sleep with me. The fact that I can't sleep without him is confusing to me as well. For Christian the nightmares keep him up at night when I'm away, but with me I just can't sleep and spend most of the night tossing and turning.
"Are you ready to head to the office?" Christian asks as we finish our breakfast that Gail prepared.
"Yes, I just need to grab my phone from the bedroom" I answer.
The ride to GEH is as quiet as the shower and breakfast have been. We walk into the lobby hand in hand and all eyes immediately fall upon us. Christian clears his throat and everyone quickly diverts their eyes, desperately trying to not look at us. I realize that so few people in his office have seen us together that this must come as a surprise to them. He quickly kisses me on the cheek before going to Taylor to the only elevator that can reach the executive floor as I take the other elevator to my floor.
The day passes by quickly as most of it is spent seeing that everything is unpacked and functional so our business can continue with minimal interruptions. After lunch I drive to Seattle E books to meet with the owners, assuring them that nothing has changed with our arrangement now that SIP has moved. We discuss their current space and the possibility of needing more room, but I leave the decision of possibly moving to GEH up to them as they want to think about it. I meet with the landlord of the former SIP building, providing him with a check to cover the remainder of our lease which thankfully was only four months since we broke our lease early. It's after seven by the time I finally get back to Escala, entering my apartment for the first time in two days. Once again the emptiness greets me the moment I walk in and I can't help but think of Christian who is likely upstairs right now. He didn't contact me all day; I don't know if it's because he was busy or because he is as confused as I am about our sleeping issues. When we parted this morning we didn't discuss what our sleeping arrangements for tonight would be therefore I assume we are sleeping separate again.
After another night of tossing and turning, I wake early and make my way to SIP's new home arriving before any of my staff and begin to catch up on some of the work I've been behind in since our move. I quickly lose myself in several manuscripts and before I know it the day is gone. Making my way back to my empty apartment at Escala I realize I still haven't heard from Christian. I don't know what to think about his sudden coldness and distance since we left Escala yesterday morning. I can't help but wonder how he slept last night as I fight to stay awake reading a very boring science fiction manuscript. I find myself struggling to keep my eyes open, to focus on the words before me and end up having to put away the manuscript to try to read it again at a later time.
The next two days pass by very slowly; the nights are filled with restlessness as I can't seem to get comfortable. I've taken pillows from the guest room to lay next to me in bed, hoping that it would feel like Christian but of course it doesn't. Last night I tried sleeping in the guest room because the sheets still slightly smell like Christian from the night he slept in there before we went to Taiwan. Christian still hasn't contacted me but in his defense I haven't contacted him either. I've wanted to call or text him but I don't know what to say. I miss him terribly; not just sleeping with him but hearing his voice, having dinner with him, talking about our days after work and of course his touch. The fact that neither of us can sleep without the other one is the one thing that continues to haunt my thoughts. I struggle trying to figure out what that means for us…does that mean we need to live together again? If so, would I give up my apartment? Does Christian even want to live with me? If he isn't contacting me does that mean he just wants to go back to our original arrangement of only seeing each other on the weekends? If not, then why haven't I heard from him?
After a couple of hours of lying in bed without finding sleep I decide it's time to get answers and address the issue head on. I quickly throw on a pair of sweatpants, send a text to Taylor to let him know that I'm coming up so I don't startle him like last time and head up to Christian's penthouse. It's almost two in the morning but at this point I'm sure neither of us are sound asleep; at least I assume Christian is still having problems sleeping but I suppose if he isn't I will at least get that answer tonight as well. The moment the elevator doors open I hear screaming coming from upstairs and immediately race up the stairs where Taylor greets me and guides me away from Christian's bedroom.
"Is he okay?" I ask hearing him scream louder than I ever have.
"Yes ma'am, it's a just a nightmare" he answers.
"How long has he been like this?" I ask.
"Almost an hour" he admits glancing at his watch.
"This bad?" I'm shocked, he has never been like this when I've slept here.
"Yes ma'am" Taylor answers sadly.
"I'm going to go in" I start walking towards Christian's room.
"Be careful ma'am, he can get….startled easily when he is like this" Taylor warns but doesn't stop me.
"Thanks Taylor" I take a deep breath and open the door.
Christian is lying in the middle of his bed; the blankets have long been thrown off the bed onto a pile on the floor. He is thrashing about with such force that I'm afraid he is going to hurt himself. His body is covered in sweat, his hands clenched in fists, his face is bright red and his voice sounds horse from all the screaming. I'm taken back at this site; I've never seen him in such a bad nightmare but I remember Christian telling me that they would last a long time before I started sleeping with him. I slowly approach his bed, calling his name but I know it's no use as he won't hear me. I try to decide the best way to handle the situation; I know I need to get close to him but for the first time I realize it's very likely that I could get hurt by doing so. He already told me that he gave Taylor a black eye once when he tried to wake him so I know it's possible. But I can't leave him like this, trapped in a nightmare where he is reliving the abuse. As he lets out another blood curdling scream, I decide to just do it and deal with any consequences later. I quickly strip out of my clothes and slowly ease myself onto the bed desperately trying not to startle him. I lay next to him, trying to get closer but his body is thrashing around so much that I can't seem to get close enough. It's almost as if he continues to try to push me away but he rarely makes contact with me and nothing that is forceful when he does. Taking a deep breath I recall what worked the one time he had a really bad nightmare which ultimately led to us admitting we loved each other. I'm hesitant and nervous though because this nightmare seems so much worse than that one did but I know I need to do something. I slowly climb on top of his waist, straddling his hips and gently hold down his arms while leaning over him so I can whisper in his hear.
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…Christian it's okay….they can't hurt you anymore" I repeat so many times into his ear.
I try to keep my chest off of his, but it's not possible when I whisper into his ear so I try to minimize how long I'm in that position. I lean up and gently kiss him on the lips, almost immediately I feel his arms start to relax and I let go of his wrists. He asked me not to restrain him but said that when I hold his wrists it doesn't bother him so hopefully this won't bother him. His breathing is still heavy and I can feel his heart racing against my chest whenever I lean close to him. After several minutes his body seems to relax slightly and he stops thrashing around as his arms wrap around my back holding me tight against his chest. Glancing up, I find his eyes are tightly closed so I'm not sure if he is actually awake right now or if he is sleeping. He doesn't seem to be having a nightmare any longer; I let my body slowly relax as well thankful that not only is he free from the nightmare but that he didn't lash out at me when I tried to comfort him. I rest my head against his chest and slowly let my eyes close, falling asleep quickly listening to his now slow heartbeat.
"Ana? What….how….." Christian's voice wakes me the next morning from a sound sleep.
"Hi" I look up shyly at him, we are still in the same position we were when we fell asleep last night with me lying across his chest.
"You're here" Christian's hands run up and down my back as if to prove that what he is seeing is true.
"Yes" I admit.
"Why? How?" he asks.
"I couldn't sleep last night and I needed to talk to you about it. I didn't think you would be sleeping so I took a chance and came up here. You were having a really bad nightmare; Christian I've never seen you like you were last night. Taylor said you were like that for over an hour-" I explain.
"You talked to Taylor?" Christian asks.
"He met me when I came up the elevator" I answered.
"I guess it must have been pretty loud; he typically doesn't come out of his apartment for my nightmares" Christian says, however I think there are times Taylor is outside his room that he doesn't know about.
"I didn't know what to do; lying next to you didn't seem to help because I couldn't get close enough. But when I laid like this…you seemed to calm down almost immediately" I say.
"I could have hurt you" He replies sadly a few minutes later.
"I know but I couldn't leave you like that" I say.
"I never want to hurt you" he pulls me closer to him.
"We need to start sleeping together every night" I announce after several minutes of silence.
"What? But….How…" he stutters.
"Christian" I sigh. "Neither of us are sleeping well without the other one next to us. When was the last time you slept through the night?"
"Monday" he admits.
"It's the same for me" I say. "We can't continue like this; not when we both could be sleeping if we just shared a bed."
"I know" he sighs heavily.
"Why haven't you called or texted me since then?" I ask.
"I wanted to see if it was just a fluke that I didn't have any nightmares that night" he answers.
"Was it?" I ask cautiously wondering if maybe today was just a random nightmare.
"No" he takes a deep breath. "I've had them every night since."
"But I don't understand….then why didn't you call me?" I lean up so I can see him.
"I didn't understand what it meant…I don't know how to explain it but I was really confused. Hell I still am!" he exclaims, his body tensing below me.
"Why?" I whisper.
"Because…Damn it!" his voice full of frustration. "How is it that lying next to you can make my nightmares go away when years of therapy couldn't? Why can you take them away? Why is it better with you? It doesn't make sense!"
I can feel his body tense below me, his hands are on my shoulders almost as if he is going to move me but we need to have this conversation even if he doesn't want to. I move my hands up, playing gently with his hair willing him not to close me out which I know is what he wants to do right now. There are times when it seems he wants to open up to me or we begin talking about something and then he just shuts me out like on Tuesday morning after we both admitted we slept well next to each other. His grip loosens on my shoulders after a few minutes and he makes no effort to move me from him.
"Christian" I sigh quietly. "It doesn't need to make sense; whatever the reason we both can only sleep soundly with each other. We need to start sleeping together every night."
Christian doesn't say anything for several minutes; I'm concerned I'm pressuring him too much and he is shutting down on me. I don't say anything; I don't move but just give him time to hopefully process everything.
"You're right" he whispers.
I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding as he wraps his arms around me, holding me tight against his chest.
"I've missed you" he nips at my ear.
"So much" I agree.
"You're naked" he observes, as if he hadn't noticed it before.
"You're not" I point out as I feel his erection begin to stir through his underwear.
"I don't sleep without clothes on unless you're here" he pulls my hips down against his.
"Really?" I ask surprised, I thought that was the reason he insisted on sleeping naked with me.
"I've only slept naked with you" he admits. "From the first night we spent together….I can't imagine sleeping next to you with anything between us now."
"I should get ready for work, I have an early meeting" I look at the clock realizing I forgot to set an alarm last night in all the chaos of seeing Christian in his nightmare.
"Do you have to?" Christian gently pulls my hips against his hardening erection.
"I do" I moan. "I have to be at the office in twenty minutes and I'm not even dressed."
"Tonight" he says, eyes full of lust and desire.
"Yes" I moan as he kisses me deeply.
"Go get ready before you're late" he smacks my ass.
I take probably the world's fastest shower before grabbing an outfit from Christian's closet, suddenly thankful that I didn't move all the clothes Christian bought me back to my apartment yet. Gail prepared us a quick egg sandwich that we eat in the car while Taylor drives us to work. Entering GEH hand in hand again, we quickly go our separate ways to start our day. Settling in my office, I think of everything that happened last night and this morning. We still have to figure out the details, like where we sleep each night and if Christian will keep clothes at my place for when he spends the night, but I'm pleased that Christian agreed that we need to start sleeping together every night. There's going to be times when we are traveling for work when it's not possible, but at least for now we both should start sleeping better at night. It was also reassuring to know that I wasn't the only one confused and questioning why we slept better with the other person. I wish we would have talked about it sooner so that Christian didn't have to deal with those horrible nightmares every night.
The day progresses slowly, I'm still very tired from all the nights of tossing and turning this week but I'm comforted in knowing that next week should be better since we will be sleeping together at night. Thankfully today is Friday; I'm hoping to catch up on sleep this weekend and looking forward to not getting up early or having early morning conference calls which have filled my schedule this week. I decide to have Stacy order lunch for me and Christian, hoping Andrea can squeeze me into his schedule at some point so we can have lunch together but if not I will leave it with her so he can at eat whenever his schedule allows.
"Mr. Grey's office" Andrea answers just as Stacy places our lunch order.
"Hi Andrea it's Anastasia Steele from SIP" I introduce.
"Ms. Steele, would you like me to transfer you to Mr. Grey?" Andrea asks.
"No…I was hoping to surprise him with lunch today and thought maybe you could tell me if he has any time in his schedule to spare" I explain.
"Oh sure, let me see" she pauses and I hear her clicking the keyboard checking his schedule. "He is free in about thirty minutes for an hour or so."
"Perfect! Please don't tell him about my call, I would like to surprise him" I request.
"Of course, I will put something in his schedule so he doesn't book the time for someone else" she ends the call.
I start rereading the science fiction manuscript from earlier this week while waiting for lunch and discover it's just as boring when I'm more awake as it was when I was falling asleep over it the other day. I chuckle and send an email letting the editors know that we will not be publishing this manuscript yet and that there is a significant amount of work that still needs to be done. A few minutes later Stacy informs me that the lunch I ordered has been delivered; I collect it and take the elevator to Christian's executive floor where Andrea tells me to go ahead into Christian's office.
"WHAT?!" Christian snaps as I knock on the door.
I give Andrea a look but she just ushers me in, oblivious to Christian's tone.
"I said no-" he yells when I open the door.
"I brought you lunch….sir" I close the door behind me before adding the last part.
Christian's eyes go from anger, to surprise to lust all in a matter of seconds. Just as quick he crosses the room, crushing his lips against mine as my back presses against the door. His hands are all over my body, pulling me closer to him, wrapping my leg around his waist as his tongue seeks entry into my mouth. I quickly drop the bag of subs on the floor, wrapping my arms around his neck, tugging at his hair as our tongues dance.
"Hi" I say breathless as Christian pulls away briefly.
"What are you doing here?" he asks.
"I brought you lunch" I answer.
"I have a call that will be starting any minute, I wish I could have lunch with you" he says disappointed.
"No you don't" I smile.
"It's on my schedule" he says confused.
"I asked Andrea to reserve the time for me, she was going to put something in your schedule so you didn't schedule something else" I explain.
"So you and my assistant are teaming up against me now?" he says sternly but with a smile.
"Yes….sir" I smirk.
"Lock the door" he commands, his voice deep and his shoulders straight back in dom mode.
"Yes sir" I reply quickly.
"Did I tell you to speak?" he smacks my ass as I turn around to lock the door.
I turn around, my eyes glued to the floor without saying a word. I can feel the excitement growing quickly as my panties become moist with desire. We haven't had a scene since we came back from Taiwan; we've really barely seen each other since then.
"Take off your clothes" he instructs.
I quickly remove my skirt, button down top and undergarments before folding them and placing them on the table. I can feel his eyes roaming my entire body as he walks slowly around me and I feel my breathing beginning to increase in anticipation of what is about to come. Christian's feat stop in front me; I can hear him unbuttoning his pants and watch as they fall to his ankles with his underwear.
"On your knees" he says. "Hands behind your back."
I immediately drop to my knees, clasping my hands behind my back but keep my eyes glued to the floor. He takes a step closer to me, his feat nearly touching my knees as he lifts me chin up gently opening my mouth. He thrusts himself forcefully into me, immediately hitting the back of my throat hard as he holds my head in place. It takes me several seconds for my body to adjust, my throat muscles slowly relaxing as I remember to breathe through my nose. He pulls back slightly before thrusting deep into my mouth again, hitting that spot he loves as I swallow around him. His hands are gripping my head hard, tugging at my hair, guiding me to take him deeper with each thrust.
"This is for me only….for denying me this morning" he grits through his teeth.
I moan in disappointment around him realizing I won't be getting my much needed release anytime soon. He continues to thrust deeply in my throat, instructing me to swallow before pushing himself deeper causing me to gag but he doesn't pull out. My eyes water as I struggle to convince my body to relax but he just repeats this process several times moaning loudly as his fingers dig into my scalp. I groan at the sudden pain/pleasure combination which must push him over the edge because the next thrust into my mouth he comes hard forcing himself even further down my throat as his come pours out. I can feel his dick spasm in my throat as the orgasm doesn't seem to stop; finally his grip on my head lessens but he continues to hold my mouth against him. He begins to soften in my mouth, giving me much needed relief as my body finally relaxes.
"God you are amazing" he moans as he lifts me to my feet.
"You seemed stressed when I came in" I giggle.
"You have no idea" he sighs. "Get dressed; we'll have lunch."
"Yes sir" I smile.