Chapter 11

A fact that only Killer's closest friends knew about him was that he liked musicals. Between all the hard guitar music he usually listened to, musical music could really get to him. It told a story. Right now, his situation felt so surreal, he felt like he was in musical.

He carefully opened the door of what he thought was Penguin's room and peeked inside. The room was dimly lit through the half open curtains. He could see that the walls were dark blue, and there were only a few items in the room; a closet next to the door, a desk and chair against the right wall, and a bed against the left wall. On the bed sat Penguin, his cap next to him, his head resting against the wall behind him, and his eyes closed. He looked so damn cute.

Killer opened the door a little further and against everything his mind screamed at himself, his body still stepped inside. Lord, show me how to say no to this, a song from Hamilton started playing in his head. I… don't know how to say no to this…

Penguin's eyes flung open. "What are you doing here?"

Killer shrugged. "Your father said we should talk." He didn't move. "Is it okay if I come in?"

Penguin seemed to study his face for a moment. "If you want to…" he said eventually, sounding unsure why Killer would want that. He took a different position, so he was sitting at the edge of the bed.

Killer took another step forward and made sure to close the door behind him. Say no to this… it echoed inside his head. His heart pounded like an herd of marching elephants.

"What do we need to talk about, though?" asked Penguin, while making room for Killer to sit next to him.

After a moment of hesitation, Killer sat down on the bed. "The real reason we're fighting, your dad said." It was hard to look at Penguin, but at the same time hard to tear his gaze away from him. Especially now that he wasn't wearing his cap – and this time with consent. Killer would have to take the risk of his heart exploding out of his chest. "Whatever that means."

It was silent for a moment. "You shouldn't listen to my dad," Penguin then said, changing position again and moving a little closer to Killer. It might have been only a few inches, but he noticed.

Say no to this… Killer moved a little closer as well. "So… it isn't true then?"

Penguin didn't look at him, so he couldn't see how Killer took in every bit of his face and hair that was usually hidden by his cap. "What?" Penguin asked. But his blatant refusal to look at Killer gave the latter the impression that he knew very well what he was talking about.

"What your father said." Show me how to say no to this. "That… you like me?" He couldn't believe he actually asked that. His heart surely wouldn't hold out much longer. "I mean, of course that isn't true… obviously. You told me I was unlikable, and–"

"That was a lie."

Killer stopped talking when his heart skipped a beat. A lie?

Penguin slowly turned his head to face him. "I didn't mean it when I said that."

"So…" They locked eyes and Killer was unable to look away. I don't know how to say no to this. He didn't dare ask the question again. "So, you…"

"So, it's true." Penguin said. But didn't immediately specify what was true.

Killer moved a little bit closer again, and his body moved on his own when he carefully lay his hand on Penguin's upper leg. I don't say no to this…

Penguin looked from Killer's face to the hand on his leg, and when he looked back, there was the tiniest smile on his lips. "I like you."

Killer couldn't help the butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. "I…" He leaned slowly forward until he felt Penguin's lips on his. It was only for a moment that their lips brushed against each other, when he pulled away the slightest. A second later, Penguin closed the distance and they were kissing. First carefully, waiting to see if the other would pull back, then slowly, more passionately.

Nobody needs to know.

Penguin couldn't believe this was happening. He was kissing Killer! And Killer was kissing back! And it was so good. His lips were way softer than Penguin had ever imagined. He slightly parted his lips, to deepen the kiss, when he suddenly heard a voice.

"I'm glad to see you two made up."

They both jumped and broke the kiss. "Dad!" Penguin yelled with a catch in his voice. His face became red again.

"Hey, don't worry, I was just here to check if you two hadn't killed each other." Law, who was standing in the doorway, smiled. "I'll leave you alone again." He was about to turn around, but then seemed to think of something. "If you… need anything, you can take some of mine. You can find it in the top drawer of my nightstand. As long as you use protection."

"Get out!" Penguin yelled. "I don't want to know what's in your nightstand!" He grabbed the penguin plushie that lay near his bed and threw it at his father. Law closed the door just quickly enough to avoid it hitting him.

"I'm so sorry for that," Penguin apologized to Killer. But Killer just stared at the door in shock.

Then he jumped up and ran towards the door as fast as he could. "Mister Trafalgar!" he said, pulling the door open.

There was a quiet moment, in which Penguin imagined his father turned around to face Killer. He just couldn't see him from where he was sitting on the bed.

"Do call me Law," his dad said.

"Please," Killer begged him. "Don't tell my dad." His voice became quieter, to the point that Penguin almost didn't hear him anymore. "He doesn't know… yet."

It was quiet for another moment, until Law said, awfully seriously, "Don't worry, he won't hear it from me. I'll let you tell him when you're ready."

A weight seemed to be taken off Killer's shoulders. "Thank you." He took a deep breath and returned to Penguin's room again. He closed the door behind him and smiled.

His eyes wandered to the plushie at his feet and he picked it up. After studying it for a bit, he looked at Penguin. "Really?" he said, chuckling playfully. "A penguin?" He threw it back at its owner.

Penguin caught it without problem. "Shut up. I got it from my mom." He put the plushie back in its original place. "It's always been with me."

"That's kinda cute." Killer sat down next to him again. "So… your dad is chill."

Penguin snorted. "You think so?"

"Yeah, I mean he didn't make a fuss about catching you kissing a guy, or anything," Killer said. "And when I asked…"

Penguin laughed. "It would be kinda hypocritical of him if he'd make a fuss about that. He's gay."

Killer seemed surprised. "Really? Your dad is gay?"

"Yeah, he's only out of the closet for less than ten years though," Penguin explained. "So, he knows a little what it's like…" He looked at Killer. "I take it your father doesn't know you're… into boys?"

"I'm not into…" Killer began, but then he sighed. "No, he doesn't know I'm gay. Nobody knows."

"Nobody?" Penguin hadn't expected Killer to be so closeted.

"Well, Bonney knows. And now you and your dad, obviously," Killer admitted. "But you have to promise not to tell anyone else."

Penguin felt his mood drop. "Why not? Are you ashamed of it?"

"No, I just… not everyone is so understanding. I'm just not ready to come out." Killer looked him in the eyes. "Please, promise me."

Penguin started to feel for him. "Fine."

"Not even your friend, Shachi?"

"But… He won't tell anyone," Penguin promised him. He had to talk about this with his best friend. But Killer looked pleading at him, so he sighed. "Okay, I won't tell him."

"Thank you." Killer kept standing where he was, and an awkward silence followed.

"So… What about us?" Penguin said eventually, so quietly he kind of hoped Killer hadn't heard him.

But Killer did hear him. "What do you mean?"

"Well… do you like… want to date, or anything?" Penguin put his cap back on to hide his face.

"No!" Killer said immediately. "I mean, yes. I mean…" He let out a frustrated groan and pulled his hair. "I don't know!" He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I don't know. I have to think about this."

Penguin tried to swallow his disappointment. "Okay," he said quietly.

It was silent for another moment, before Killer looked at the door. "I should probably go. My father must be waiting for me."

"Okay," Penguin said again, not sure what else there was to say. He kept sitting on his bed while he watched Killer leave his room without looking back.

That night Penguin hadn't been able to sleep much. He kept thinking about the kiss. How great it had been and how it meant Killer actually liked him. But also about how deep in the closet Killer still was and how that meant he might not want to have anything to do with Penguin anymore. However, that was something that might change in the future. They had kissed and that was more than he could say yesterday, when he'd still thought Killer hated him.

The next morning, he met Shachi at the school entrance. Penguin tried his best to keep a poker face. He had promised Killer he wouldn't tell anybody, after all.

"Hey everything okay?" Shachi asked him.

"Yeah, of course, why wouldn't it be?" Penguin said a little too quickly.

Shachi lifted an eyebrow above his sunglasses. "You didn't reply to that video I send you. And I know you've seen my message."

Penguin snorted. He had seen the message and he even opened the video, but he hadn't been able to concentrate on it due to his thoughts being occupied by something – or rather someone – else.

"Yeah, sorry, haven't really had the time to look at it yet," he answered. "You shouldn't expect everyone to answer you immediately, though."

Shachi shrugged. "I don't, but you usually do answer immediately." They walked towards their lockers, which were close to each other. "Besides, I heard that you got into a fight with Killer again. And you didn't even text me about it."

Penguin felt his face heat up. "Uh, yeah, that happened."

Shachi stared at him. "That happened?! That's it? That's all you have to say about it?"

Penguin opened his locker and tried to hide his face behind the locker door. "Yeah, well, we fought and then our dads had to come again. Fortunately, Shakky didn't suspend us or anything, as long as we talked it out at home."

Shachi slowly pushed the locker close to be able to look his friend in the face. "You went to Killer's house?"

"No, actually, he came to mine." Penguin knew he had to look at his friend if he didn't want to look suspicious.

"And? Did you talk it out?" Shachi asked in a suggestive tone.

"We did." Penguin couldn't stop the smile taking over his face. "Oh my God, Shach, we kissed!" he said in a hushed voice. "But I promised not to tell anybody, so you have to keep it a secret!"

Shachi grabbed his arm and pulled him towards a quiet corner. "You kissed?! How the hell did that happen?"

Penguin grinned sheepishly. "Seems like he liked me too."

"Told ya." Shachi slapped him playfully against his arm. "Congrats man, you've officially kissed someone. But why can't you tell anyone?"

"Why do you think?" Penguin rolled his eyes. "He's afraid to let people know he's gay. Or something." He shrugged. "He said he needed to think about what next."

At that moment the bell rang, giving Shachi no opportunity to comment on that, even though Penguin saw that he wanted to.

"Promise you won't tell anyone." Penguin looked seriously at him.

"Oh no, I will tell all my friends." Shachi said.

Penguin laughed. "Good thing I'm your only friend then." They started to walk in the direction of their classes. "But seriously, I know you don't mind a little gossip."

Shachi pushed his shades down so he could look over them, giving him a serious look. "I promise."

TBC~