AN #1: This is still Madison's friend. I'm sorry it has been so very long since my last update. I have been incredibly stressed and busy. On May 10, 2022 my mom fell and very badly broke her left leg. She broke bones and her metal knee replacement. When the metal broke it tore a hunk out of her artery. We were very lucky that she did not pass away or lose her leg. She has since had 2 surgeries to correct the damage. But she has not had the 3rd operation, a knee replacement. Because her leg & artery are not healed enough. We will know more after July 27th. When she sees the Orthopedic Surgeon again. She is currently in a rehab facility. But sometime in July she will go to a nursing home to heal until she can have a new knee replacement. She has pins on the inside of her leg & rods outside. The rods go from the top of her thigh to her ankle. She currently does not have a knee joint. So, her leg does not bend at a 90° Angle. Currently the only personal care she can do for herself is feed herself. She currently has two infections in her leg. She's on two different I.V. antibiotics. Her leg is getting better now. That she's on the correct antibiotics. I'm not trying to offend anyone with my request. But I ask that if you believe that you please pray that the antibiotics take care of the infection in my mothers leg, that it continues to heal & they are eventually able to do the knee replacement. So she can FINALLY come home. If you don't believe. That is completely fine. We will take good karma or positive thoughts too. On top of all of this and my own health issues. I have been trying to take care of my dad who has advanced Dementia. Now that things have settled down a little bit I will try to be better about updating.

AN #2: I'm very excited that CJFAA is back & will be posting new stories in the future! There are 2 I'm very excited about. If you haven't read "Unintentional Interception" or "Miss Steele (My English Teacher) I highly recommend them!

Chpt. 30 APOV:

Sitting at my desk trying to get work done the rest of the day, I have a horrible knot in my stomach. I was planning on coming back to the office and taking the test as soon as I got off the elevator but once I got here I realized I'm too scared. I call my doctor's office and schedule an appointment for tomorrow morning; I feel so stupid when I tell the lady I think I might be pregnant and say no when she asks if I have taken a test to confirm it. I don't know what I think…right now I'm just scared. Scared at the thought of being pregnant and scared for how Christian will react if the test is positive. We've never talked about having children, hell we really haven't even discussed a future together. I just moved in with him officially few days ago, and while I can't see myself without him we've never discussed anything long term. I've never really thought about having kids; I mean sure in the back of my head I assumed someday I would but I at least thought it would occur after I was married. I have no idea how Christian feels about having children; he's never discussed it and I've never seen him around children. As much as I want to think this could be a false alarm, I know my body….I'm never late, ever.

Are you working late tonight? –A

I don't know, hope not –C

I need to talk to you tonight, can you please try to come home at a reasonable time? –A

Everything okay? –C

Please, just don't come home too late –A

"Hello?" I answer my cell phone.

"Ana, what's going on? Is everything okay?" Christian immediately asks.

"Christian…please I want to talk at home, not here" I beg.

"You're scaring me Ana" he says quietly.

"Just come home when you can, please?" I ask.

"I'll be home by six" he vows.

"Thank you" I whisper.

"Anything for you Ana" he hangs up.

I finally decide to leave the office a little after five, having gotten absolutely nothing done since I picked up the pregnancy tests earlier this afternoon. Thankfully Sawyer doesn't say anything on our drive back to Escala; I'm thankful for the quiet ride even if it is short. As much as I want to know if I'm pregnant, I don't want to think about what will happen if I am. I'm so worried about Christian's reaction and what it would mean for our relationship. I know I would never consider terminating the pregnancy; it's just not something I could do. I feel like Christian and I have nice balance between our bedroom and playroom time; how would pregnancy and a baby change that? Will we have to stop going into the playroom? Will Christian still find me attractive when my stomach gets huge? Will he expect me to quit work because of the baby? I don't think I could ever just stop working, especially not having just taken over SIP and Seattle E Books. Will Christian want to be involved? What if he doesn't want the baby?

"Hello Ana" Gail greets me, pulling me from my thoughts as she walks into the great room.

"Hi Gail" I smile.

"Would you like a glass of wine while you wait for dinner?" she asks.

"Yes….no, maybe just a bottle of cold water" I answer, quickly realizing that I probably shouldn't be drinking until I know for sure.

"Of course" Gail looks puzzled but returns moments later with a bottle of water.

"Ana, baby….is everything okay?" Christian quickly sits next to me on the couch a few moments later.

"I don't know" I say, my voice so shaky I can barely understand myself.

"What's wrong? Is your dad okay? Has something happened?" he asks.

"My dad is fine" I sigh. "I'm scared, Christian."

"Scared of what? What's happened?" his voice full of concern.

"I'm late" I blurt out.

"Late? Late for….oh…" he pales at the realization.

"Yeah that" I whisper.

"Are you….? Have you….?" He stutters.

"I bought a test today, but I was too scared to take it at work" I show him the box.

"Let's go upstairs to the bathroom" he takes my hand and leads me to our bedroom.

"Christian, what if…?" I ask.

"Go, take the test" he ushers me into the bathroom.

I quickly read the instructions, which aren't very complicated before holding the test under me as I pee. I place the cap back on the test, leaving it on the sink while I wash my hands. I return to the bedroom where Christian is pacing the floor and set the timer on my phone. I sit on the bed, watching Christian pace while holding my breath. The alarm goes off on my phone, indicating the five minutes are up that the instructions said to wait before reading the test. I turn off the alarm and slowly stand up; Christian grips my hand tightly, pulling me against him.

"No matter what, it will be okay" he assures me.

We walk into the bathroom hand in hand; I think we both gasp when we look at the test and see the word PREGNANT in bright blue lettering.

"I think I need a drink" Christian leaves the bedroom, I assume heading for his office.

I sit on the bed, absolutely shocked. I don't know how long I just sit before finally deciding to make my way downstairs. We don't need to figure everything out right now, but I at least need to know what Christian is thinking. He hasn't flipped out yet but he's hasn't really shown any emotions either or really said a word. I check the kitchen which is empty except for two covered plates on the breakfast bar which I can only assume is our dinner. I knock on Christian's office door but he doesn't answer, I try to open the door but find that it is locked. At least I know that means he is in there and hasn't left the apartment yet. As much as I want to demand he open the door, I know I need to give him space right now. I have to trust that when he is ready he will come and find me. Returning to the kitchen, I grab my plate of pasta that Gail prepared and take it to the dining room. Although I'm not hungry, I force myself to eat a few bites before settling on the couch in the great room with a manuscript I brought home with me. As much as I try I just can't concentrate enough to get past the first chapter; this time I know the reason is not the dullness of the story and is more because of everything going on. After some time I finally give up on the manuscript and turn the television on, hoping it will just tune everything out while I wait for Christian.

My alarm goes off the next morning but it takes me several minutes to realize that I am now in our bed alone. The last thing I remember was laying on the couch in the great room watching television; I assume at some point Christian carried me up here. His side of the bed is empty and it doesn't look as if it was slept in all night. The covers are only jostled on my side of the bed, while his side is made perfectly and feels cold to the touch. I reluctantly get out of bed, take a shower and get dressed before heading downstairs in the hopes of finding Christian. I don't know if he slept in his office last night or maybe in a guest room but I hate that we went to bed without talking. I couldn't feel further disconnected from him then I do right now; I realize he was shocked by the news but hell so was I! I'm still in shock but I just can't hold myself up in an office and get drunk hoping it will go away.

"Good Morning Ana" Gail greets me as I walk into the kitchen.

"Morning…have you seen Christian?" I ask.

"He left a couple of hours ago with Taylor" she answers.

"Oh, thanks" I sigh.

"I know it's none of my business, but whatever is going on between you two just give him some time. He will come around" she smiles sympathetically.

"Thanks Gail, I appreciate it" I reply.

I have a doctor's appointment at 10 this morning, if you want to come –A

I don't hear back from Christian which doesn't surprise me. On our way to the office I inform Sawyer of my doctor's appointment and we arrange a time to leave to allow us plenty of time to get there incase there is traffic. Thankfully Sawyer does not say anything although I'm sure he knows the reason for the appointment. The morning passes by very slowly, as much as I try I cannot stop thinking about the fact that I'm pregnant. I'm becoming more comfortable with the idea of a baby, but I'm still scared shitless. I don't know much about babies or being pregnant but I quickly order several books online, requesting overnight delivery to Escala. If nothing else, I will read as much as possible to prepare for this new adventure. With or without Christian I am confident that I will be able to handle whatever comes my way. I'm hopeful that Christian will come around but if he doesn't I am prepared to do this on my own if need be. I am more concerned about how the pregnancy and the baby will affect my relationship with Christian, assuming he even wants to continue to have a relationship. I spend some time on the internet researching BDSM and pregnancy; clearly I'm not the first person in a BDSM type relationship who has become pregnant. After reviewing quite a bit of research and visiting a few chat rooms, without joining of course, I feel much more comfortable with it. Most research and websites suggest to avoid things that Christian and I don't engage in like fire play, blood play or extreme bondage so I don't believe we will need to change much of what we already do if Christian wants to continue a relationship together.

Finally finding myself a little more at ease, I leave for my appointment with Sawyer still having not heard from Christian. I'm disappointed that he didn't at least respond to my text even if it was to tell me he couldn't make the appointment because of his own schedule or something. I try to remind myself that he might need more time and is probably just as shocked as I was, but it's hard when he isn't even talking to me right now. We arrive at the doctor's office a few minutes early; Sawyer waits with me in the waiting room and lets me know he will drive me back to GEH when my appointment is finished. I feel bad having him just wait in the waiting room and suggest that he at least go get a cup of coffee or something nearby but he won't hear of it and reminds me that this is his job.

"Ms. Steele?" the nurse asks.

"That's me" I follow the nurse back to the examination room.

"Put this gown on, opening in the front. Leave a urine sample in the bathroom, the doctor will be with you shortly" she explains before leaving.

I quickly use the bathroom, providing the sample as she requested and change into the gown before returning to the room where I sit on the cold table and wait. After a few minutes there is a knock on the door, slowly turning around I am shocked to see who walks the door.

"Christian?" I whisper.

"Sorry I'm late, I had a call that ran behind" he kisses my cheek.

"I didn't think you were coming" I admit.

"I know," he sighs. "I'm sorry I haven't talked to you."

Just as I'm about to respond, there is another knock on the door. Christian grips my hand tightly, his normal confident attitude is gone, replaced by uncertainty.

"Anastasia?" Dr. Greene asks as she opens the door.

"Ana, please" I shake her hand. "This is my…boyfriend, Christian Grey."

"Mr. Grey, I'm Dr. Greene" she shakes his hand.

"Pleased to meet you" he says.

"I understand that you think you are pregnant?" she says looking at my chart.

"I took a test last night and it was positive" I answer.

"When was your last period?" she asks.

"About three months ago, I was due last week" I explain.

"This test also confirms that you are pregnant" she says dipping a strip into the cup which immediately turns blue. "How about we have a look and see how far along you are?"

"Okay" I agree.

"Lay back and put your legs in the stirrups. Since you're probably pretty early along this will need to be an internal ultrasound" she explains.

I lay back, putting my feet in the stirrups and moving my waist down to the end of the table. Christian holds my hand tightly as nervousness overtakes both of us.

"This is probably going to be uncomfortable, but it shouldn't hurt" she assures me as she holds up this large dildo looking item which looks like it is covered a condom. I immediately gulp realizing what she is going to do with that thing. Christian's eyes are huge right now, but thankfully he doesn't say anything. I can only imagine what he is thinking…

"Try to relax" she says as I feel her gently ease it into me.

"Are you okay?" Christian whispers.

I nod, letting out the breath I had been holding as my body slowly adapts to the foreign object.

"There it is….look at the screen" Dr. Greene says.

We both look at the screen as she describes what we are trying to look at.

"This is your baby" she points to a small object on the screen. "This flashing spot is the heartbeat, here is the head and this is the spine."

"Oh my" I whisper.

"You look to be around six to seven weeks along, which places your due date around the beginning of April" she explains slowly removing the wand from me. "I'll give you a few minutes to clean up and change then I will be back with a prescription for vitamins and some pamphlets for you to read" she says as she walks out.

"Are you okay?" I ask, Christian hasn't said anything since Dr. Greene left.

"I think so" his voice full of uncertainty.

"I'm going to change" I say, hoping off the table and walking into the bathroom.

"Here are the pamphlets I mentioned" Dr. Greene returns a few minutes later with a stack of pamphlets. "They cover everything from morning sickness remedies, to commonly asked question, to nutritional information. Here are some sample prenatal vitamins to get you through the first week and a script for the rest. What questions do you guys have?"

"Is there anything I shouldn't be doing?" I ask.

"No," she smiles. "You're not disabled or injured. You can do everything you normally do; well…I would avoid contact sports if you participate in any."

"That's not an issue" I laugh.

"You can do anything you do now, just listen to your body. Don't start any crazy exercise regimens, stick to anything you currently do" she explains.

"Is it safe to have sex?" Christian asks as I blush deeply.

"Yes it's perfectly safe" she assures us. "As the pregnancy progresses you will want to adapt your positions to find things that are most comfortable for Ana. As I said listen to your body Ana, if you become uncomfortable then change position. Intercourse should never be painful but if it is please be sure to call the office. Many women even find they have an increased sex drive when pregnant but everyone is different."

"Thank you Dr. Greene" I blush.

"Do you have any other questions?" she asks.

"I don't think so" I answer.

"None for me" Christian says.

"Schedule an appointment in about six weeks and we should be able to hear the heartbeat. You may experience slight cramping as your uterus expands, but it shouldn't be painful. If you have painful cramps or any bleeding call the office immediately, but otherwise we will see you in six weeks" she says leaving the room.

"I don't know how we would have survived if she said we couldn't have sex" Christian laughs. "It's been hell these last few days let alone what nine months of this would be like."

"I was worried about that too" I giggle.

"What do you say we work from home today?" Christian suggests.

"I can do that, I just need to pick up my laptop" I say.

"We can have Sawyer pick it up" he replies.

"Did it hurt?" Christian asks as we sit in the great room waiting for Sawyer to pick up my laptop as I look through the paperwork Dr. Greene gave us.

"What?" I ask.

"When Dr. Greene did the ultrasound?" he clarifies.

"No, it was uncomfortable but it didn't hurt" I explain.

"I didn't like seeing someone else stick something inside of you like that" he grimaces.

"Christian! She's a doctor!" I exclaim surprised at his jealousy.

"I know" he sighs. "I still didn't like it. I don't know that I could have handled it if the doctor was a man."

"I don't think we will have any more like that so you have nothing to worry about" I laugh.

"Really?" he asks.

"According to what I'm reading here the next ultrasound will be external; they only do the internal ones when you are really early" I explain.

"Oh….good" he says.

"What are you thinking about all of this? You haven't said very much" I ask.

"I don't know" he sighs. "I'm nervous as hell, I'm scared….fuck it's overwhelming."

"Did you ever see yourself having kids?" I ask hesitantly.

"No" he answers quickly. "But I never saw myself living with a woman either or ever being able to let someone touch me the way you do."

We both work from Christian's office the remainder of the day, me set up on a small table and him behind his desk. I'm finding it a little easier to concentrate as compared to yesterday but I'm still nervous about what this means for our relationship. Although we have moved in together and both love each other, I feel like we haven't been together very long at all especially not when we talking about having a baby together. I'm also worried about how my dad will react; he hasn't even met Christian yet. I've talked to him plenty of times about Christian but we just haven't had a chance to take a trip out to see him yet. I have no idea how Christian's parents will react; I've at least met them several times but I don't know if that helps the situation.

"I can see your wheels turning from here…what are you thinking about?" Christian asks.

"Everything" I sigh.

"How about you narrow that down for me?" he suggests.

"Telling my dad, telling your family….wondering what everyone will think" I say.

"I don't give a fuck what everyone thinks and neither should you. This is about you, me and little blip…no one else!" Christian exclaims.

"Little blip?" I ask.

"That was my first thought when Dr. Greene pointed to the screen…there was this little blip on the screen. I hadn't realized that it was a baby I was looking at until she said something…" Christian explains.

"I'm scared Christian" I whisper.

"Me too Ana" he admits. "But I promise you I will be there every step of the way. I know I acted like an ass when you first told me and I cannot apologize enough for that. I was fucking shocked but I shouldn't have shut you out like that."

"My dad's going to freak out" I sigh.

"Probably" he says. "We can visit him whenever you want to tell him."

"We should probably plan to tell both our families soon" I reply.

"We will" he says. "How are you feeling?"

"Physically, I feel fine. I really don't feel any different" I admit.

"Emotionally?" he asks.

"I guess…." I pause. "I'm not as shocked as I was last night; I ordered a few books online today-"

"So did I" he smiles.

"Really?" I ask surprised.

"Of course" he answers. "Whenever I take on a new acquisition at GEH, I research everything possible on the company. When I first started looking into BDSM, I researched the hell out of it learning everything I could before deciding to visit the club in Taiwan. This isn't that different…it's a new area that I felt I needed to research."

"I spent a lot of time this morning online too" I admit.

"What did you learn?" he asks.

"That we can still have fun in the playroom" I smile shyly.

"I spent some time researching that too" he says sitting next to me on the couch. "It seemed like most of the acts they recommended we stay away are hard limits for both of us. I don't want you to ever be afraid to safe word if you need to, especially right now. If you aren't enjoying something or I'm pushing you beyond what you think you can handle I need you to tell me. It's more important right now than ever that you talk to me."

"I know….I promise I will talk to you" I vow.

"Mr. Grey, Ms. Steele?" Gail knocks on the door.

"Yes Gail?" Christian asks.

"Dinner is ready sir" Gail says.

"Shall we?" he asks.

"So…from what Dr. Greene was saying the baby is due in the spring" I say as we eat dinner a few moments later.

"A week before my mom's birthday" Christian replies.

"How do you think your parents will react?" I ask.

"I don't know" he sighs. "I'm sure they always thought Elliot would be the one to have this conversation with them."

"Elliot?" I ask.

"Let's just say before he met Kate, he enjoyed the company of women…a lot of women" Christian laughs.

"But they didn't think you did?" I ask.

"You're the first woman that I've brought home" he smiles. "Elliot on the other hand seemed to bring a new one home every other week."

"Do you think they will hate me?" I whisper.

"Why would they hate you?" he asks shocked.

"I don't want them to think I'm trapping you or something" I admit.

"Oh baby, they won't think that" he assures me.

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"My family adores you, they know that you're not with me for my money" he says.

"I just worry….I mean how this all looks….we haven't been together that long" I try to explain.

"All they need to know is that we love each other," he says confidently. "Why don't we go upstairs and take a bath?"