AN: this is a friend of Madison's. Madison has been very busy with real life. And I have lots of free time lately. So I offered to help her by uploading chapters of her stories. So that her fans could continue to enjoy her work. I thought after I had finally got chapter 9 of unwritten uploaded correctly after more than four hours. I would have worked out the bugs. But I am still having a great deal of trouble. If you feel any negativity or frustration because there's either Chinese or just one or two words like "test". When you look at the update. Please do not take your negativity or frustration out on Madison. it is absolutely not her fault that I'm having trouble and can't figure out how to do this in a timely fashion without pissing her off all her readers. So if you want to share your negativity please directed towards me. I promise you in the future if there's problems with the chapter I upload I will be working diligently to fix it. But like I said it took me over four hours to fix the problem with unwritten yesterday.
Chpt. 10: Ana's POV
The last couple of days have flown by and I was finally able to move into the room I rented yesterday. It felt so good to sleep in a bed again last night instead of a cot surrounded by dozens of people in a large cold room. I spent yesterday afternoon unpacking the few belongings I had with me but I need to wait until later this week to get the items from the locker on campus. The billing department at school called me this morning requesting I come in to discuss my bill. I still have ten days before the balance is due so I'm not sure what they want to discuss with me now. I agreed stop by their office in the next couple of days since I have to go to campus anyway to get the rest of my belongings.
I haven't heard from Christian since the night at the club but I haven't called him either. I'm going to wait a couple more days and then try to get up the nerve to call him. I don't want to call too soon and appear desperate. I really enjoyed spending time with him on Saturday night, but I worry that I freaked him out when he touched my back. Not that I could blame him as I'm sure I would have freaked out if he suddenly left me on the dance floor alone after I thought we were having a good time. I sigh….even years later I can still feel the effects of the abuse from him. I thought by now the nightmares would have ended and I would be able to tolerate something as normal as dancing with a guy. How will I ever have a normal relationship with someone if they can't touch my back? Would I ever be able to have sex? Or be intimate with someone?
I quickly decide I need to stop this pity party I seem to be having for myself or I will end up having a full blown panic attack. I decided to take a shower and bring along by bottle of disinfectant along with my toiletries. Although I haven't seen any shady activity going on here yet I can't just assume that someone regularly cleans the bathroom. Surprisingly the house is maintained fairly well and the landlord says she stops by at least two to three times per month to check on things. About two minutes into the shower there is already someone knocking on the door and yelling for me to hurry up. I ignore them but try to move as quickly as possible washing my hair and getting dressed.
"Finally! It's about time!" Says the woman who was standing in front of the door as soon as I opened it.
"Excuse me," I said and quickly made my way to my room, locking the door behind me. One day I will have a bathroom of my own, I sigh.
"Good Afternoon Antonio" I say walking into the restaurant to begin my lunch shift.
"Oh Ana, thank goodness you're here!" Antonio exclaims with a worried look on his face. "We are booked for dinner tonight and two of the wait staff called out sick-"
"Don't worry Antonio, I will work dinner tonight too," I interrupt knowing exactly what he was going to ask me.
"You're a life saver Ana! I don't know what I would do without you!" He says happily. "Oh, I have your paycheck in my office if you have a moment."
"Of course" I say following Antonio into his office.
"Antonio, I think there is a mistake in my check" I say after opening the envelope and seeing a much larger amount than I expected.
"No, there shouldn't be an error on your check. I personally double checked your paycheck when it arrived yesterday," he says looking confused.
"Antonio, this check is much more than I was expecting…." I begin, not really sure how to explain the error.
"Ana, there is no error, let me explain," he states pulling out the check and showing me the bottom portion where the pay is outlined. "You were paid a higher rate for the night of the private event since you were the head wait staff in charge of the event. This amount here is your portion of the gratuity from the private event that Mr. and Mrs. Grey paid at the end of the evening. This amount here is your holiday bonus; believe me I wish I could have given you more since you always help me out of bind including today! The remainder of the check is your hourly rate for the shifts you worked in the last two weeks. Understand?"
"Yes, Antonio," I stutter. "I was not expecting any of this; I cannot thank you enough!" I say and hug Antonio. He has been such a wonderful boss since I started here years ago. I had almost no waitressing experience when I applied for this job. I had been waitressing for a few months at a local dinner which was a complete dive but they only needed someone once or twice a week. I never thought Antonio would hire me when I walked into the restaurant one afternoon to apply for a job. It just so happened the day I walked into the restaurant was the day he had to fire a waitress for stealing from the register in the middle of lunch service. He took one look at me, briefly asked if I had ever waitressed before and then handed me a uniform. He explained this was a test run, if I did well he would hire me but if not he would pay me cash and send me on my way. I have been working for Antonio since I was 17 and was just getting back on my feet after running away.
"Ana-you have a table" says Marie the hostess for the lunch shift.
"On my way, thanks Marie!" I say grabbing my notepad and heading to my section.
"Good Afternoon…" I begin saying as I approach the table but stop suddenly when I realize Christian is sitting there. "Christian! What a surprise! I wasn't expecting to see you here."
"It's very nice to see you Ana" Christian says smiling. "I found myself in need of lunch today and couldn't think of a better place to go then here. I was hoping you were working today."
"Well you're in luck…I just started my shift," I say. "Would you like something to drink?"
"Just a coke I think" Christian answers.
"I'll be right back," I say quickly turning around to get his drink.
"Are you ready to order?" I ask returning to his table a few minutes later.
"I am, Ana" he answers. "I'll have the steak tips with mushrooms over rice pilaf and mixed vegetables."
"Of course, it shouldn't be too long as we aren't very busy yet this today," I say before returning to the kitchen.
I wait on a few more tables and take Christian his order. I find myself glancing at his table every few minutes still surprised that he showed up today. I've quickly realized that today is not turning out to be anything that I expected. I'm still shocked that my paycheck today was so much more than I thought it would be and the timing couldn't be better. I've been wanting to get Kate something for Christmas and need to give it to her this week before she goes to her parents' house for the holidays. I'm not sure what to get her and was worried I wouldn't be able to afford anything since I just moved into the new rooming house this week.
"Here's your bill Christian," I say after he declined any desert. "Is there anything else I can get?"
"How about dinner tonight with me?" he asks suddenly.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I can't Christian" I say still a little surprised that he asked me out suddenly.
"Of course, I'm sorry Ana," he says quickly and puts his credit card in the bill holder.
"Christian I didn't mean I can't go out with you at all," I say quickly, realizing he thought I was rejecting him completely.
"Huh? You didn't?" He asks confused but I see a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
"I want to go out with you but I'm working tonight for the dinner shift tonight too," I explain. "I was only supposed to work the afternoon shift but Antonio is short staffed so I agreed to work a double today."
"Oh, I see," he says. "Are you not working any days this week?"
"I'm free tomorrow evening" I suggest.
"Perfect!" He exclaims smiling. "How about I pick you up at 5:30 and we go to dinner?"
"Ummmm no that's okay, I will meet you," I say quickly. "Just text me the address."
"Are you sure? I can pick you up, it's not a problem," he replies.
"No, it's okay. I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing tomorrow as I have a few errands to run so I might be coming from somewhere," I say, which is not an entire lie since I realize I need to find something to wear for dinner.
"Okay, I will figure out the details and text you the address," he says, but I can tell he is a little disappointed I won't let him pick me up.
"I'll be right back with your receipt," I say, quickly going to the register to run his credit card.
"Here you go," I say returning to the table.
"Until tomorrow Ana," Christian says giving me just the slightest kiss on my cheek before leaving the restaurant.
I open the bill holder to realize that he left a $100 cash tip for a $35 bill. I immediately run to the door to find him and return the money. There is no way I can let him tip me three times more than his meal costs. As I open the front door and glance up and down the side walk, I realize he has left already so I can't return the money. I make a mental note to return it tomorrow when we go to dinner. I need to call Kate when I get a break today and ask if she has something I can wear for dinner tomorrow night. I also need to figure out how to avoid having him drive me home after the date. I cannot let him see where I live! I'm not embarrassed because I can see how far I have come, but bringing him to the rooming house would have him asking questions that I'm not ready to answer. How do you explain to someone you barely know why you ran away when you were 16 and don't talk to your family any longer?
"Hi Kate! I was just going to call you," I say answering my phone as I sat down for break before the dinner shift started.
"What's up Ana?" Kate asks.
"I need your help," I say. "I sort of have a date tomorrow night…"
"WHAT?! A date? Please tell me it's with Christian!" She exclaims.
"Yes," I laugh. "He stopped by the restaurant for lunch today and asked me to dinner tomorrow night-"
"Oh, Ana! You have to come over tomorrow. I will find you something perfect to wear!" Kate says happily.
"Thanks Kate! I don't know where he is taking me but I'm sure jeans and a college t shirt isn't going to cut it," I laughing. "Oh, but you called me just now. Was there something you needed?"
"Oh I almost forgot!" Kate answers. "I was going to see if you wanted to come for a girl's night tomorrow because I'm leaving on Thursday to go home for two weeks."
"I thought you weren't going home until next week?" I ask.
"My parents decided to surprise us all with a trip to the Bahamas for the holidays so we are leaving earlier than expected. Listen, would you mind if we exchanged gifts when I got back? I know it will be after the holidays, but I haven't had a chance to get your gift yet and now I have to leave in two days," she explains.
"No that's fine," I respond. "How about I spend the night after my date tomorrow night and I can help you pack on Thursday before your trip? I'm off on Thursday and just need to stop by the campus at some point this week to pay my bill."
"Sure sounds great! I will see you tomorrow, come by early in case we need to do some shopping!" Kate says hanging up.
The remainder of the night passes by quickly. As Antonio said, the restaurant was busy all night and they were turning away people without reservations. Although some of the wait staff complained about it being so busy, I am the opposite and enjoyed tonight. Being busy made the night go by faster and meant that I left with more tips then on a night when we were dead. I made my way back to the rooming house just after midnight and locked my tip money in the small lock box I hide in my book bag. No matter where I go, the book bag goes with me so if someone ever broke into my room they wouldn't have my cash. I try to stop by the bank every two days to deposit my tip money but there are some nights like tonight where I have a lot of cash which worries me. If anyone saw where I worked they would know that I had cash on me pretty much every time I leave the restaurant. Before going to bed I double check the door and window are locked as I've learned you can't trust anyone in these places.
I wake the next morning feeling rested which doesn't happen too often; I realize I haven't had nightmare in several days. As usual I am up by 5am even though I have nowhere to be this morning. I decide to take a trip to campus to pick up the rest of my clothing and maybe see if the billing office is open today. I was planning on going tomorrow but with Kate leaving I think I would rather spend the day with her then settling my bill. I double check that I have my checkbook before leaving the rooming house to grab some breakfast and catch a bus to campus. I stop by the little coffee shop that I bumped into Christian in a few weeks ago in the off chance he happens to stop by while I am there. Of course he isn't there and doesn't come in before I finish my croissant. Just as I'm about to leave my phone buzzes indicating a text message has come through.
Good Morning beautiful! Looking forward to dinner tonight – C
I smile and quickly respond.
Good Morning to you too. I will be at Kate's tonight if you still want to pick me up –A
It will be my pleasure. I will pick you up at 5:30 at Kate's apartment –C
This small exchange is the highlight of my morning; it's amazing how someone I barely know can have such an impact on my day. Having Christian pick me up at Kate's tonight means I don't have to figure out what bus I need to take to whatever restaurant he picks out. I was figuring the restaurant would likely not be near a bus stop and that I would have to spend a little extra money for a cab. I arrive on campus and immediately head to the billing office but they are not open for another 30 minutes so instead I head to the commuter lounge to gather my belongings. I'm sure I will get a few strange looks lugging all this stuff into the billing office but I could care less what they think. I just need to give them the check and be on my way.
"Can I help you?" the lady at the billing office asks.
"Yes, my name is Anastasia Steele and someone called earlier this week asking me to come in to discuss my bill," I say.
"One moment while I look up your account," she says.
"I'm aware that I have a balance on my account but I was under the impression that I still had another week to pay the balance and still be registered for the spring semester," I point out. I pay very close attention to detail and have all due dates marked in my date book so I know I didn't miss the date that my payment was due by.
"That's correct," she says. "One moment."
I wait a few more minutes while she looks at the computer screen and pulls out an envelope from a locked drawer behind her desk.
"Anastasia, it appears that you do not have a balance and are due a refund," she says handing me a sealed envelope.
"I don't understand?" I say confused. "I received a bill last week saying that I owed $3,500 which included my graduation fees. I haven't paid the bill yet?"
"Yes, last week you did have a balance of $3,500 however it appears that shortly after that bill was mailed to you a scholarship was applied to your account which resulted in a negative balance due which we refunded to you," she explains.
"A scholarship?" I ask still confused. "I wasn't aware that I was awarded a scholarship."
"It looks like you were mailed a letter yesterday explaining what the scholarship was including the amounts, I'm sorry but I don't know any of the specifics," she says clearly annoyed that I am asking so many questions.
"Would you mind printing a copy of the letter since I have not received it yet?" I ask.
"Here," she hands me another envelope that I see her putting a printed letter in.
"Thanks" I mumble and walk out.
I take my bags and find a nearby bench to sit on so I can figure this out. I quickly read over the letter which informs me that I have been awarded a scholarship for $13,500 for the spring semester. The letter further explains that several local benefactors recently donated money to the English Literature department marked specifically for a graduating senior student. Two of my professors nominated me for the scholarship which is given to students who have above a 3.8 GPA and have shown great potential to succeed in the literary field. The scholarship is designed to help graduating seniors not only with the tuition expense but also to assist students in preparing for careers after graduation. The letter explains that the scholarship will initially be applied to the balance owed for my tuition and the remainder will be distributed to me to use as needed. The letter states several times that this is not a loan therefore the money will not need to be paid back at any time. A peek in the next envelopes confirms what I thought; I have a check for $10,000.
I sit back in shock and complete gratitude for whatever two professors nominated me for this scholarship. My mind starts racing thinking of all the things I can do with this money. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be handed a check for $10,000 and not have to repay the money. I worked hard to get the scholarships I have and to not take out student loans to pay for my living expenses. I've spoken with many students who borrowed the maximum amount that they were allowed to borrow and then blew the money at fraternity parties or at the bars. After watching my mother while growing up I swore I would never be indebted to anyone. After my father died she racked up large amount of credit card debt and even took out a car loan for a brand new BMW. She hadn't worked a day in her life so I don't know how she thought she could afford everything. Once my father's life insurance money was gone she couldn't pay her debt. They eventually reprocessed the BMW but the credit card debt followed her. She constantly made excuses that she couldn't leave one guy or another because she couldn't afford to support me on her own.
Before returning to the boarding home, I quickly stop by the bank to deposit the check from the school, my paycheck from Antonio as well as the tip money from last night. As the teller hands me my receipt, I am again shocked at the balance my checking account now has. I decide for once I am going to do something for me and vow to buy a new outfit for dinner tonight instead of borrowing one from Kate. As for the rest of my money, I need to think further about it. I don't want to make any sudden decision and spend the money needlessly. I return to the boarding home and unpack my clothes and make a mental note to find a laundry mat tomorrow after I get home from Kate's. The one I used last week is not as convenient to this house and means lugging my laundry several blocks each way.
What time are you coming over? –K
Leaving in a few minutes –A
I quickly pack my overnight bag, lock up my room and head to the bus stop. I arrive at Kate's a short time later and I appreciate the fact that it doesn't take as long to get to campus or Kate's place from the new room. I immediately tell Kate my plans to go shopping for an outfit and that's all it takes for Kate to grab her keys and drag me out of the house. We spend the entire afternoon shopping and eventually take a break to grab lunch. This time, I treat Kate to lunch and tell her it's a thank you for spending the day shopping me. Kate has amazing taste in clothes and picks out several dresses for me to try on. I notice this time she has avoided dresses that would show where my scars are and appreciate that she remembered that. At some point I realize we are going to have to have a conversation about it but I'm going to try to put it off as long as possible.
Same day: Christian's POV
"Mr. Grey, I have Welsh on line one," Andrea says through the intercom.
"Grey," I say picking up the line.
"Mr. Grey, I have an update for you on Ms. Steele," Welsh says.
"Go on…" I say hesitantly.
"I have found a physical address for Ms. Steele. According to the information I have she signed a month to month lease at a rooming house located at 979 32nd street having moved in two days ago," Welsh explains.
"What do you know about this area Welsh?" I ask, concerned for safety.
"It is a slightly better area than the area she rented the last room in. There is still an increase in crime in the area and I wouldn't allow my daughter to walk through that neighborhood even during the daytime. However, the police have been making their presence known more in than area in an effort to try to clean the area up," Welsh explains.
"Well at least it's something," I say.
"I have also been notified that the school issued Ms. Steele her refund today in the amount of $10,000 which she almost immediately deposited into her bank account," Welsh explains.
"Well done Welsh," I say hanging up the phone.
"Andrea!" I call and within seconds she appears at my door. "Can you tell Taylor I need to see him?"
"Yes Mr. Grey," Andrea says and quickly leaves.
Minutes later, Taylor enters my office.
"You asked to see me Mr. Grey?" Taylor asks.
"Yes," I answer. "I want you to put a security detail on Anastasia Steele. Welsh has informed me that he found a physical address for her as she just moved into a new rooming house. I want discrete security on Ms. Steele; she should not know that she is being watched."
"Of course Mr. Grey. I will get right on it. When do you want the security detail to start?" Taylor asks.
"I am having dinner with Ms. Steele this evening at The Harbor Inn and it seems she is spending at least the day with Ms. Kavanaugh today. I expect that she will likely spend the night with Ms. Kavanaugh tonight therefore I think the security detail should start tomorrow when she leaves," I answer.
"Yes sir" Taylor says glancing at his watch. "We should leave to get to Flynn's office on time."
Taylor drives the short distance to Dr. Flynn's office which is conveniently located only a few blocks from GEH. I have weekly sessions scheduled with Dr. Flynn but he is on call for emergency sessions whenever I need to see him.
"Flynn," I say walking into his office.
"Christian, please have a seat," Flynn says gesturing to the chairs in front of his desk.
"Where would you like to begin today?" Flynn asks.
"I have a date tonight," I blurt out.
"Really? With whom?" Flynn asks.
"Ms. Steele," I answer.
"How did this come about? I think the last I heard you had bumped into her in a coffee shop right?" Flynn asks looking at his notes.
"Yes and then later that night I went out with Elliot and the girl he hooked up with the previous night. Turns out she brought her best friend to the club; her and Elliot must have teamed up to set us both up. Anyway, her best friend was Ana. We really hit it off that night and had a wonderful time talking and dancing but while we were dancing something happened…." I pause not knowing how to explain what happened next.
"Go on…" Flynn encourages.
"We were dancing and sort of making out; she seemed to be enjoying it. She turned around so she was facing me and we continued to kiss. Just as she was deepening the kiss, I put my hand on the center of her lower back," I explain. "It was only there a split second but I felt an indication in her skin."
"What kind of indentation? Like a scar?" Flynn asks.
"I assume so. It was sort of a solid straight line just above her waist line where it wasn't covered by her dress. Anyway, like I said my hand was there for a split second before she bolts from me saying she needs to use the bathroom. Elliot's date, Kate, notices her rushing off the dance floor and follows. They were gone for a really long time, Flynn. Longer than normal for girls," I say.
"What happened when they came back?" Flynn asks.
"Nothing," I answer. "They joked about the line for the bathroom being long and we didn't discuss it again but I got the impression she did not want to talk about it."
"But you do," Flynn states.
"Yes!" I exclaim. "I want, no I need, to know what happened to her? She reacted the same way I would if someone touched my bear chest or back which tells me someone abused her. Who could hurt someone as beautiful as she is? How long did it go on? Was the person caught? When did it finally stop? How did she survive?"
"Deep breaths Christian," Flynn says softly.
I hadn't realized I got myself worked up discussing what happened with Ana but I found face was hot and my heart was beating very fast.
"Fuck!" I exclaim.
"Language Christian" Flynn reminds me. "It's obvious that you care very deeply about this girl already."
"That's just it, I know very little about her. The background checks-" I begin.
"Wait! You ran background checks on her?" Flynn asks; I nod in response. "I thought you only ran background checks on employees and subs. I know she doesn't work for you…."
"After I ran into her at my parent's holiday party I had to find out more information about her. The only way was to run a background check…hell I didn't even know her name when I left the party! But the background check really didn't tell me anything. Her mother has been married 5 times, Ana's father was her first husband and died when Ana was young. Welsh couldn't find a physical address for Ana for some time, however he suspects that she was living in homeless shelters during that time as her last address was for a rooming house that was raided by the police for illegal drug activity," I explain.
"Did her background check give you any insight into the scar on her back?" Flynn asks.
"No, her medical history was pretty bleak which I assume means that whoever hurt her that bad never saw that she got medical attention for it. Where was her mother during all this? If it was her mother who did it, where were all the boyfriends and husbands she had during that time? How could someone let a child suffer from an injury that obviously needed medical attention for so long?" I ask angrily.
"Christian," Flynn says gently. "Do you realize what you're asking?"
"What are you talking about? Of course I know what I just fucking said! I want to know why someone didn't get Ana to see a doctor!" I yell.
"Christian, deep breaths. Take a seat," Flynn says. "What I meant was, do you see the resemblance in what you are asking about Ana to what happened to you as a toddler?"
"Huh…that was different," I answer.
"Was it?" Flynn asks.
"My mother….she couldn't…." I stutter slowly realizing what Flynn was trying to point out. "Oh fuck….I need to go."
"No Christian, you need to stay" Flynn says firmly.
"You have scars on your chest and your back from your childhood. Did you ever get medical attention for those injuries?" Flynn asks.
"You know damn well I didn't!" I grimace at Flynn. "I didn't have any medical treatment until the police found my mother dead in the apartment."
"And where was your mother while her pimp was abusing you?" Flynn asks.
"Fuck you! You know exactly where she was; she was passed out on the couch high as a kite," I yell and storm out of Flynn's office.
"Taylor take me to Escala, I'm not returning to the office today," I say approaching the car where Taylor is waiting.
"Yes sir," Taylor says closing the door behind me.
I fire off emails to Roz and Andrea informing them that I won't be returning to the office today. How dare Flynn turn the session completely around to go from answering my questions about Ana to focusing on me! Of course I recognize the possibility that her background is similar to my first few years of life before Grace and Carrick adopted me. That is what scares the shit out of me about Ana and makes me want to protect her anyway I possibly can. I don't know the extent of what she went through but I will do anything to see that she is not hurt again! She has obviously experienced too much pain in her life already.
"Grey," I answer my phone sharply.
"Christian, Darling! How are you?" Elena asks.
"Busy Elena, what do you want," I answer, cursing myself for not looking at the caller ID before answering.
"Now Christian, is that any way to speak to a friend?" Elena asks.
"Elena, as I said I'm busy" I respond quickly. "I'm in the middle of a project, what can I do for you?"
"Well Christian" she says sighing. "I'm calling because you haven't responded to any of my calls or the emails I sent you. Did you get the email with the pictures of potentials subs I have for you?"
"Yes I did," I answer.
"And?" Elena asks.
"And as I told you before at this time I'm not interested in a sub," I respond.
"What do you mean you're not interested? How will you maintain control? You sound very tense right now and it's only been a matter of weeks since you let go your last sub. She was contracted with you for what a month? Your contracts have been getting shorter and shorter Christian; are your needs changing? Do you need someone with less hard limits?" Elena asks.
"No!" I exclaim. "I'm just not interested in subs right now. Now if you excuse me I have a date to get ready for."
"A date?" She says laughing. "You can't be serious Christian! You're not cut out for dating, no one in our lifestyle is satisfied by regular dating you know this! What's really going on? If you need someone who is into the harder parts of our lifestyle just let me know and I will find you someone. Hell if I can't, I will even –"
"NO! Enough Elena" I interrupt her disgusted suddenly at where this conversation is going. "I've said I'm not interested in a sub and even if I was you will never sub for me again."
"But Christian-" Elena begins to say but I cut her off by ending the call.
I spend a few hours in the gym working off my anger and frustration from my session with Flynn today and the call with Elena. By the time I need to leave to pick up Ana I am completely relaxed but somewhat nervous. I have never been on a date; up until now all of my relationships have been with submissives as part of the BDSM lifestyle. Contracts were developed and they would come to my penthouse on the days and times I specified. Everything was controlled and planned in advance so there were no surprises. For many years the lifestyle helped me, or so I thought. By having contracts which spelled out rules that subs had to follow I protected myself from anyone getting too close to me physically and emotionally. However about a year ago I admitted to Flynn that I was getting the same satisfaction from the lifestyle anymore. Of course there was the physical gratification however I was left wanting something more from the sessions. It's taken me a year of sessions with Flynn to realize I am not going to get what I'm looking for as long as I only seek contractual relationships with women in the BDSM lifestyle. Until I bumped into Ana, I hadn't met a woman that I wanted to try to a normal relationship with. Now that I found Ana and know a little about her, I'm scared as hell and don't want to hurt her.