Chpt. 16: Ana's POV:
"Mother, Father," Christian says formally and kisses each on the cheek. "I would like you to meet Ana Steele."
"It's a pleasure to meet you Ana," Mrs. Grey says giving me a gentle hug.
"Thank you for inviting me to dinner Mrs. Grey," I reply.
"Please, Ana call me Grace," she says ushering me inside.
"It's nice to meet you Ana," Mr. Grey says shaking my hand.
"And you Mr. Grey," I say.
"Please Ana, it's Carrick," he replies.
We enter a beautiful foyer complete with a curved staircase leading to the upstairs living areas. A beautiful vase of flowers since at the bottom of the steps and holiday decorations are found throughout the area. Christian takes my hand and leads me into the great room where childhood pictures of Christian and his family are hung up with pride. Carrick brings us a glass of crisp white wine just as Elliot walks into the room.
"Hey Ana! Merry Christmas," Elliot says giving me a gentle hug.
"Merry Christmas Elliot," I reply.
We sit on the couches while Christian and Elliot talk about a current construction project that Elliot is working on for Christian's company. They are deep in conversation as a young vibrant beautiful girl comes bouncing into the great room.
"Christian! Aren't you going to introduce me to your girlfriend?" She asks looking impatiently at him.
"Mia, calm down you just walked in," Christian tries to say firmly while smiling. "Mia this is Ana, Ana this is my very bubbly sister Mia."
"It's so nice to meet you Ana!" Mia says giving me a big hug nearly pushing me back on the couch.
"It's wonderful to meet you too Mia. I've heard a lot of wonderful things about you," I say struggling to get out of Mia's grip which is beginning to suffocate me.
"Enough Mia, let the girl breathe," Carrick says.
"Oh sorry," Mia replies sitting on the couch next to me.
"Mia I heard you just got back from Paris, how was it?" I ask.
"Oh, it was beautiful and amazing! I've been there a few times before of course but this was the first time I was able to really explore the city on my own and for such a long period of time," she replies.
"Everyone, dinner is served in the dining room," Grace says walking back into the room.
Christian takes my hand leading me to the dining room where he pulls out my chair. Grace and Carrick are each seated at the end of a large mahogany dining room table. Elliot and Mia are seated across from us and there are a couple extra seats that are quickly removed by a server. Food is passed around the table in true family style as server continues to bring out additional food to place on the table. There is a large spiral cut ham, a roasted turkey, three different styles of potatoes, four vegetables, a pasta dish and freshly made rolls. I place a little of almost everything on my plate as it is hard to pass on anything with it all looking so good.
"So Ana, what is it you do?" Carrick asks.
"I am about to start my last semester at Washington State University where I am majoring in English Literature," I answer.
"And after college?" he asks.
"I hope to go into publishing, eventually editing books," I explain.
"That sounds nice," Carrick says before returning to his food.
We sit in silence for a few more moments enjoying the delicious food. Mia begins telling stories of her time in Paris describing many of the dishes she learned to cook while in school there. Christian's description of Mia to me previously was spot on. She is full of energy and clearly loves to be the center of attention.
"Ana, did you spend the morning with your family?" Grace asks as Mia takes a break from her stories about Paris.
"No, I don't have family in the area," I answer quietly.
"You were alone for Christmas morning?" Mia asks. "How sad."
"Mia!" Grace says sternly.
"No, it's okay," I reply. "I worked 14 hours yesterday so I enjoyed having a nice quiet morning to myself."
"She also spent the morning making a chocolate cake and apple pie from scratch for dessert today" Christian says proudly.
"You did not need to bring dessert Ana, but thank you," Grace says smiling.
"It was no bother," I say. "I enjoy baking and this was a perfect excuse to try out some new recipes."
"Speaking of recipes, you will never believe what Ana got me for Christmas!" Christian exclaims happily.
"Oh boy, something involving recipes? We're doomed," Mia says laughing.
"That's just it," Christian says. "It's a book called Cooking for Dummies."
Everyone laughs at Christian's expense; it is obviously known that Christian cannot cook. The rest of dinner passes by quickly with everyone making small talk about the holidays and Elliot's upcoming trip to the Bahamas for a couple days. Elliot flies to the Bahamas tomorrow to spend four days with Kate before returning to spend the New Year back in the states. It seems Elliot and Kate have gotten pretty close recently despite Kate being in the Bahamas. Elliot explained that they email or text each other several times a day and try to talk on the phone at least once a day.
After dinner we all move back to the great room where cocktails are served before dessert. We chat comfortably while sipping on our drinks. I hear Christian's phone alert him to a text and notice that he tenses when he reads the text. I look at him questioningly but he shakes his head as if to say it's nothing. A minute or so later the doorbell rings and Christian again tenses next to me and grabs my hand.
"Merry Christmas Everyone!" Ms. Blonde Bitch, aka Elena, says walking into the great room.
This is absolutely the last person I wanted to see today; it seems she just continues to show up wherever I am. I've waited on her twice at the restaurant, she attended Grace's holiday party there as well, she interrupted my date with Christian and now she is here on Christmas day.
"Elena, I would like you to meet Ana, Christian's girlfriend," Grace says.
"Oh I didn't realize Christian had a girlfriend; it's nice to meet you," she says giving me a fake smile.
"Likewise," I reply and return to my conversation with Christian.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know she would be here," he whispers in my ear. "She is good friends with my parents."
"Its okay," I whisper back kissing him gently on the lip placing my hand on his chest in an effort to send a clear message to Elena that Christian is mine.
As I pull away, I hear Grace gasp and see everyone looking at us. I don't know that I understand why everyone suddenly stopped what they are doing and are staring at us. I look at Christian confused and he gives me another kiss on my lips and squeezes my hand that is on his chest.
"Everyone, dessert is ready," Grace says effectively breaking the silence and everyone staring at me and Christian.
We return to the dining room where there is an array of desserts spread all over the table. Elena sits to the left of Christian next to Grace and I am on his right. I cannot put my finger on it but there is something about this lady that truly bugs me. Throughout dessert she seems to focus on Christian and several times rubs his arm while talking to her. In his defense, he is giving her one word answers and continues to try to divert the conversation to Elliot or Mia.
"Ana this cake is delicious!" Grace compliments.
"Thank you, I was hesitant to try a new recipe for today," I say.
"Whatever recipe you used, I would continue using. This really is amazing," Christian says kissing me on the cheek.
"The apple pie is my favorite," Elliot says.
We continue eating our desserts, drinking wine and making small talk. Christian's family all seem very close and it's obvious that his parents are proud of all of their children. I sit for a few minutes just observing everyone's interactions; I have never had a Christmas dinner like this. Even when my dad was alive, it would always be just the three of us around the table. My parents with both only children and their parents had passed away so we had no other family. Seeing what Christian must have had growing up every holiday definitely had me feeling somewhat jealous. I vowed that if I ever had kids we would have holidays like this.
"Christian?" I ask interrupting his conversation with Elliot. "Can you point me in the direction of the restroom?"
"Down the hall, third door on your left," he says kissing me on the cheek before I get up.
I quickly find the restroom which of course is immaculate and beautifully decorated. I wash my hands and open the door to find Elena waiting next to the door.
"Excuse me," I say, turning to go back to the dining room as quickly as possible. I don't want to spend any time alone with her if I don't need to.
"You will never be good enough for Christian, I hope you realize that," she says quietly to me.
"You are entitled to your opinion, but my relationship with Christian is really none of your business," I turn and say to her.
"Oh it is my business, see Christian and I have a long history together," she says. "Trust me when I say you will never be enough for him. Someone like you could never meet his needs."
"I don't know what you are talking about but again my relationship with Christian is really none of your business," I say sternly trying not to scream at her and remember that she is a family friend.
"You are nothing more than a gold digging whore," she says glaring at me.
That was it. I took her martini glass from her hand and threw the liquid in her face.
"Elena! What the fuck is wrong with you?" Christian says walking up behind us.
"What is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with your girlfriend? She just threw a drink on me for no reason!" She says.
"For no reason? I heard what you said to her!" Christian replies angrily. "How dare you call her a gold digging whore!"
"It's obvious that's what she is. She is only after you for your money! Why else would a waitress who lives in a boarding house be with you? Wake up Christian! She is after your money!" Elena yells to him.
"Enough Elena! I've told you several times that this is none of your business and I have asked you not to contact me. I don't know how much clearer I can be. Leave us the fuck alone!" Christian says through gritted teeth.
"Christian, darling," Elena says gently reaching for him, but he moves his arm back quickly before she can touch him. "You know she will not be able to meet your needs! She can't give you what you and I both know you need!"
"You do not know anything about what I need Elena and I will not have this conversation with you!" Christian says angrily.
"She doesn't know does she?" Elena says obviously seeing my confused face. "She doesn't know how you like to fuck women senseless for hours out does she? She doesn't know about our lifestyle and everything I taught you does she? She doesn't know what you like to do to women-"
"Enough! You taught me how to fuck women, that's it. You taught me sex with no emotional connection; you taught me sex was only-" Christian yells firmly.
"Excuse me? What exactly did you teach my son?" Grace says walking down the hallway.
"Grace…uh…nothing it's not what you think, you misheard," Elena mumbles just as Grace reaches back and slaps her across the face.
"Taylor!" Grace yells knowing that he is here somewhere.
"Yes ma'am?" Taylor says walking in trying to make sense of the scene before him.
"Can you please take out the trash?" Grace says glaring at Elena. "You are no longer welcome in my house or near my family. If you dare contact any member of my family, including Ana, I will ruin you in every way possible."
"Grace, please it's not what you think! I helped him! Remember how bad he was as a teenager? Remember the fights and him getting expelled from school?" Elena says to Grace. "I stopped all of that!"
"Taylor!" Grace says sternly.
"Ma'am, please let's go," Taylor says taking Elena by the arm.
"Don't touch me!" Elena says walking out of the hallway glaring at me.
"Christian," Grace says calmly. "I think we need to discuss this in your father's office."
"Ummmm…I'll meet you there in a minute please," Christian says quietly, not making eye contact with anyone.
Grace walks down the hall meeting Carrick at the end who is standing their stunned. She takes his hand and leads him further down the hallway into a room, which I assume is his study before gently closing the door.
"Ana….." Christian says quietly, not looking at me.
"I think I need to go home Christian," I reply.
"Please….I….please…." he says obviously not knowing what to say.
"Christian, talk with your parents and then you and I need to have a serious talk," I say.
"Ana it's not what you think," Christian says quietly still not making eye contact with me.
"So you aren't into BDSM?" I ask.
Christian doesn't respond for the longest time. Kate dated someone a year or so ago who liked to experiment with hand cuffs and blindfolds. The guy gave Kate a brief description of BDSM and the next day we spent hours googling BDSM. Apparently the guy Kate met was minimally into the lifestyle but the images that we saw online explained some really hard shit. She ended up breaking up with him because he tried to get her to follow certain rules and Kate doesn't follow anyone's rules. There is no way I could ever be with someone who needed to beat women before he fucked them or beat them every time she broke some little rule.
"Ana, please let me explain," Christian says quietly.
"Christian, you need to talk to your parents first," I reply feeling my anxiety growing. "Maybe we can talk another day but I really need time to process everything I just heard."
"Ana, please I will give you time but please don't leave me," Christian begs quietly as my heart is truly breaking. "Please….I care for you so deeply and I'm falling for you hard. I can't bear the thought of losing you."
"Christian," I say as tears fall. "Please go talk to your parents; just give me time please."
"Of course," he says taking a deep breath. "Taylor!"
"Yes sir?" Taylor appears once again out of nowhere.
"Please take Ana home," Christian says.
"Of course, I will get the car and meet you out front Ana," Taylor says quickly disappearing.
"Ana…." Christian says quietly.
I reach over, taking his face in my hands and lifting it so I can see his eyes. I am shocked at what I see is in his eyes; fear, pain, embarrassment and shame are most prominent. I gently place a kiss on this lips and hold his face close to mine. He wraps his arms around the middle of my back and holds me tightly before I pull away.
"Good night Christian," I say walking out the door.
The ride back to my apartment is quiet and I just stare out the window trying to process everything I just heard. I knew there was something about Elena that I didn't like but I had no idea that she had a sexual relationship with Christian and taught him about BDSM. I cannot wrap my head around the Christian I find myself falling in love with and the pictures I saw on the internet. Granted Christian and I have not had sex yet, but when we were making out Christian was not bossy, demanding or controlling which are all key in that lifestyle. I really don't know what to think.
"Ms. Steele, we have arrived," Taylor says parking the car and walking around to open my door.
"Thank you Taylor," I say stepping out of the car and into the cool winter air.
"Ms. Steele, if I may?" Taylor asks.
"Of course Taylor," I answer really not sure what he can possibly say.
"Don't give up on Mr. Grey," Taylor says. "He is a good man that has had a really rough time in life."
"Thank you Taylor," I reply sighing. "Please take care of him, I have a feeling tonight is going to be rough for him."
"Of course, if you need anything my number is programmed into your blackberry along with my email address," Taylor says returning to the car.
I enter Kate's apartment and head directly to my room after making sure the door is locked. I strip out of my clothes and take a long hot shower. I know I need time to process all of this but I don't know how to move on from what I just learned. If Christian is involved I BDSM which was pretty obvious there is no way we can be together. Hell would need to freeze over before I let some guy beat me senseless! My mind continues to race and I find the shower is doing nothing to help my anxiety this time. I quickly get dressed into pajamas and go to the kitchen searching for some form of alcohol. Knowing Kate she has to have something in one of these cabinets. BINGO! I find a bottle of rum in the cabinet above the fridge and pour myself a large glass. Three or four glasses later I finally pass out on my bed and my mind stops running.
"You're nothing but useless piece of shit!" he screams at me as the belt comes down hard on my back again.
"You can't do anything right! Even your mother doesn't like you, that's why she left!" He says hitting me again.
He beats me over and over again screaming at me about things that I don't even understand. He always blames me for things he forgets or loses. I can feel myself losing consciousness from the countless beatings just as he throws the belt on the floor.
"Get up bitch!" He orders.
I get up off the floor and as I turn around moves closer to me and I see his face change…suddenly he becomes Christian!
End Flashback
Same Day: Christian's POV
I watch Ana walk out the door of my parents' house and I am frozen in the hallway. I can't believe everything that just happened. I can't believe I may have loss Ana. Part of me wants to run after her, but I need to respect her and give her the space she wants. After tonight I need to find a way to get her to talk to me. I need to explain that I am no longer that person. I need to make her understand that's not who I want to be and that's not who I am. But first I need to explain that to my parents…
"Mom? Dad?" I say walking into my dad's study.
"Have a seat Christian," My dad says handing me a glass of bourbon. I notice both him and my mother have a glass of bourbon; my mother never drinks liquor.
"Christian….I need to know" Mom says. "Is what she said true?"
"I'm not sure how much you heard…" I begin.
"Cut the crap Christian," Mom says firmly. "I know what kind of lifestyle Elena is involved in. Did she get you involved in it?"
"Yes," I answer looking at the floor. "She introduced me to BDSM."
"When?" dad asks.
"When I was fifteen," I say barely above a whisper.
"Oh my God," my mother says as she quickly sits in the chair next to me.
"You were only a child, son," dad says taking a large drink from his glass.
"At the time I thought she was helping me," I explain. "I was more focused and my behavior began to improve. I thought it was giving me the control I needed."
"How long did it go on?" Mom asks.
"For six years," I answer honestly.
"Oh my," mom says again. "How did I not see this? How could I have not recognized the signs that you were being abused? I see it day and day out at work, how could I miss it in my own home?"
"Mom, please," I say reaching for her hand. "It wasn't like that. Elena was helping me and I never said no. She wasn't abusing me."
"Son, she was," dad explains. "She was taking advantage of a young teenager; she was abusing you."
"No, I didn't say no," I say quietly.
"That doesn't mean it wasn't abuse Christian," mom says. "She took advantage of a child and you didn't know any better to say no. I saw your behavior changed and I thought it was from working with the new therapist we had found. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought it was because of her."
"Are you still involved in the lifestyle?" asks dad.
"Sort of…." I say pausing. "I have been involved in the lifestyle for many years but only with consenting adult women. After Elena and I ended our…well after it ended I never returned to her. Over the last year or so I have been working with Flynn around this issue and I have begun to realize that those types of relationships are not what I want or need."
"Well thank goodness for Flynn," dad says.
"And you and Ana….?" Mom asks.
"No!" I answer quickly. "She didn't know anything about that part of my life before tonight. I don't want that with her."
"You're going to need to give her time Christian, this is a lot to take in," Mom says.
"I know," I sigh. "She said the same thing. I just don't want to lose her."
"Be patient but be honest with her. Don't lie even if you think it's not something she wants to hear," dad says.
"I think I'm going to get ready for bed. It's been an exhausting night," Mom says.
"I'm sorry Mom," I say walking over to her and pulling her in for a hug. I feel my mother gasp and tense around me before relaxing into my arms. I've never hugged my parents before but tonight felt right. I feel tense and my anxiety level is rising quickly but I don't feel the sudden pain that usually comes from someone touching my chest. I gently pull away and see my mother is crying. She quickly wipes the tears away and smiles at me. I give my dad a hug as well and leave his office seeing both my parents shocked.
"Is it true Christian?" Elliot asks as I return to the great room.
"You heard too?" I ask.
"Yes," Elliot answers.
"Yes it's true," I answer.
"Someday you will need to tell me how it all happened," Elliot says recognizing that I don't want to talk any further tonight.
"Someday," I sigh and walk out the front door finding Taylor waiting at the car for me.
"Sir?" Taylor asks.
"To Escala," I answer.
"Taylor?" I ask.
"Yes Sir?" Taylor responds.
"Did Ana get home okay?" I ask.
"Yes sir, I dropped her off at the apartment she shares with Ms. Kavanaugh," Taylor answers.
We drive in silence back to Escala and I take the elevator up to my penthouse. As I sit in the great room with another glass of bourbon in my hand I look around and realize just how lonely my life truly is. The lifestyle that Elena introduced me to was supposed to help me keep control over my life. I thought this was the only way I could control women and not have them touching me on my chest or on my back. I thought this was the only way but being with Ana has shown me that I just needed to find a woman I could trust. There is something about Ana that makes me trust her completely. I know that she would never hurt me.
"Mommy, mommy! Hungry…" I say shaking mommy.
"Mommy!" I yell shaking her harder but she doesn't wake up. A needle is still in her arm, maybe if I take it out she will wake up. That medicine makes her sleepy. I pull the needle out and throw it far away; Mommy tells me not to touch her medicine.
My belly makes noises telling me it's hungry. Mommy isn't waking up. I go to the kitchen and open the fridge. There is nothing in there. The milk smells funny so I don't drink it. There is no food to eat. I open the cabinets but the cereal boxes are empty. In the freezer I find a bag of peas and ice cubes. I take the peas and sit next to mommy. I try to feed her a pea but she won't open her mouth. I eat some peas but they are really yucky. They are mushy and cold in my mouth and my belly keeps hurting.
"Get up bitch!" The man yells at mommy walking through the door. Mommy doesn't get up for him too.
"I said get up! I have customers waiting" he says walking to mommy.
He pushes me away and my head hits the floor hard. I don't cry, it just makes him more angry when I cry.
"What did you do to her?" He yells shaking her hard and looking at me with mean eyes.
"Nothing, she sleeping," I say quietly.
"She's not sleeping, she's dead," He says and storms out of the room.
End Flashback.
I wake covered in sweat and my heart is racing. I will never forget that day as long as I live. It was the day that I met Grace and she rescued me. It's four in the morning and I am wide awake from the nightmare, I know I won't be able to go back to sleep. I throw on sweatpants and a sweatshirt and decide to go for a long run. I text Taylor telling him I am leaving but that he doesn't have to go with me as I wash up in the bathroom. I walk down the steps to my foyer and find Taylor standing by the door dressed and ready to go running with me.
"Taylor, you don't need to come running," I say approaching him.
"No problem sir," he answers.
We start running our usual three mile route and we quickly return to the building. I still feel very unsettled and the run did nothing for me. I start running again, this time in a different direction but Taylor does not say anything. A couple miles later I find myself outside Ana's apartment and I stare up at her bedroom window.
"Sir?" Sawyer says approaching us.
"Is she in there?" I ask.
"Yes sir," Sawyer answers. "She hasn't left since Taylor dropped her off last night."
"Very well," I say sighing.
We return home and I still feel no more relaxed than when I woke from the nightmare this morning. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to Ana. How do I make her understand? How can I get her to see that I am not that person?
"Taylor?" I ask.
"Yes sir?" he says.
"I want the play room destroyed," I say.
"Sir?" Taylor asks, but I'm sure he knows what I just said.
"I want the play room destroyed. Have everything taken out by the contractors we used to install it. I don't care what they do with everything but I want it out by the time I get home from the office tonight. Be sure they sign a new non disclosure agreement; the one we have on file is several years old," I answer.
"Yes sir," Taylor says. "What would you like done with the room?"
"Have it set up as a library," I decide. "With comfortable love seats for someone to sit and read in. Call Elliot once the room is cleaned out and freshly painted to have him do the work. Then have Andrea get me an array of books delivered, be sure they include the classics as well as current best sellers."
"Yes sir," Taylor says hiding his surprise well.
"I'm going take a shower and head to the office," I say walking out of the room leaving a stunned Gail and Taylor behind.
Gail and Taylor have both been with me for several years now so they know what type of sexual lifestyle I was involved in. Gail would see that my subs had a spare room set up that they could stay in on the weekends when they were here and Taylor would handle the background checks on all my subs before the contracts were initiated. Neither ever said anything about my lifestyle but I have no doubt that they were disgusted by it.