Chpt. 23: Christian's POV
Elliot wants to go out with us this weekend –C
I work Friday night, Saturday lunch. Go out Saturday night? –A
Ok. I will tell Elliot. Pick you up Saturday? –C
Yes –A
I haven't seen Ana in days and it's killing me! The couple days we spent in my apartment were perfect; but now real life is getting in the way. I have to constantly remind myself that this job is important to her and as much as I want to take over and give her money she wouldn't appreciate it nor would she accept it. It's equally difficult because I have been working so much during the day as well, but I'm trying to catch up on the work that I lost after Christmas. I'm looking forward to seeing her again Saturday night; hopefully I can convince her to come back to my place and spend some more time with her alone.
"Sir?" Taylor interrupts my thoughts.
"Yes Taylor?" I ask.
"What would you like me to do about the security you assigned to Ms. Steele?" he asks.
"I forgot we had someone assigned to her. Since she is living with Ms. Kavanaugh, we can discontinue the security. I only wanted it in place because of that room she rented" I explain.
"Very well" he leaves my office.
The rest of the afternoon goes by very slowly, which has been typical for me lately. I leave the office promptly at five which is fairly early for me but I have an appointment with Dr. Flynn tonight. I haven't seen him since before the holidays as he was away with his family. He said I could have called for a phone session at any time but I didn't want to impose on his family during the holidays. Although I expect him to be there whenever I need him, I couldn't expect his wife and children to understand me calling in the middle of their vacation.
Flynn: Good evening Christian.
Christian: How was your vacation?
Flynn: Wonderful, thank you. How was your holiday?
Christian: Eventful.
Flynn: Oh? Would you care to elaborate?
Christian: Christmas dinner nearly blew up in my face and caused me to sink into a deep dark depression for several days.
Flynn: What happened? You didn't call; I would have been available Christian.
Christian: I know, but it was the holidays John. You needed to spend it with your wife and kids. In the end Taylor stepped in and Ana helped me.
Flynn: Why don't you tell me what happened?
Christian: I invited Ana to Christmas dinner at my parents' house and although she was very nervous she agreed to come. We were having a wonderful time when after dinner, Elena shows up.
Flynn: Well that's not entirely unexpected as she is a friend of your mother's.
Christian: Yes, but she chose this moment to essentially attack Ana when she stepped away from me to use the restroom. I walked down the hallway to hear her calling Ana several nasty names, to which Ana responded by throwing a drink on her.
Flynn: It sounds like Ana handled the situation very well.
Christian: She did, I was very pleased that she stood up to Elena.
Flynn: Okay, then what happened?
Christian: Then Elena started saying how Ana will never meet my needs, and asking if she knows how I like to fuck women and everything that she taught me. I immediately interrupted her and told her that she taught me nothing but how to fuck women with no emotionally attachment.
Flynn: it sounds like Ana was not the only one who stood up to Elena.
Christian: Well you're right there. (pause) My mother overheard this part of the conversation.
Flynn: I see.
Christian: She threw Elena out of the house and asked me to meet her and my dad in his study to talk about what she just heard. Unfortunately Ana is not a stupid woman and put two and two together figuring out what Elena was referring to. She asked me point blank if I was into BDSM and when I told her I was in the past but that I am no longer involved she told me she needed time.
Flynn: And your parents?
Christian: I told them everything. It was a very long discussion but in the end they helped me see that I was a victim and that essentially it was child abuse.
Flynn: Finally!
Christian: I know…I guess I wasn't ready to hear it when you tried to get me to see it that way but hearing it from my mother changed my perspective I guess. We had a long talk that night and it's safe to say my mother's friendship with Elena is over.
Flynn: And Ana? How are things with her?
Christian: Now they are great. (pause) But after Christmas dinner we went several days without speaking. I sent her flowers to apologize but she told me she needed more time. The thought of losing her hit me hard; I stopped going to work, stopped eating and barely took in liquids.
Flynn: Christian (sigh) what did you think that would solve?
Christian: I have no idea. Taylor must have seen what was going on because he found Ana after work one afternoon and convinced her to come to the apartment. She made me eat and then we spent hours talking. I told her everything, John. I told her about my past, why I got into BDSM, about Elena and how even before I met her I knew I needed more than BDSM.
Flynn: How did she respond?
Christian: She was very supportive; she listened and then spent the night with me in my bed – just sleeping. The next day she told me her story.
Flynn: Oh?
Christian: Remember I told you I thought I felt a scar on her back?
Flynn: Yes
Christian: Turns out she has a lot of scars on her back, like dozens and even some on her front. She was abused severely as a child by one of her mother's husbands. He beat her senseless for years, John. He used the belt and a cane on her.
Flynn: I see.
Christian: She spent the next several days with me; she even let me see her scars. She told me that no one has ever seen all her scars before me and that no one knows what happened to her. She gave me her virginity on New Years Eve after we celebrated together.
Flynn: It sounds like you two have become very close in the few days you spent together; you certainly shared a lot.
Christian: I'm falling for her, hard and fast John. I can't stop thinking of; I want to spend every minute with her! I haven't seen her since New Year's Day because of her work schedule; I find myself counting the hours until I see her on Saturday night.
Flynn: It sounds like you love her.
Christian: What? Love? No, it's too soon isn't it?
Flynn: Not necessarily. When you find the one you love, you know it.
Christian: How do I know if I love her? I've never felt this way before.
Flynn: Can you picture your life without her right now?
Christian: No!
Flynn: Then I think you just answered your own question.
I leave the session with Flynn and head back to my apartment thinking about what Flynn said. Could this be love? Am I capable of loving someone? Am I good enough for Ana? We don't talk on the phone tonight as we have been after Ana gets off of work; I just need time to process what Flynn suggested. If I do love her, I can't help but wonder if she loves me. Could she love someone who was into the lifestyle the way I was? I think I've explained it enough that she doesn't see it as abuse, but even after hearing her story I disgusted myself thinking of the number of times I have hit a woman with a belt or even with a cane.
I avoid Ana for the next two days…she texts me several times during the day but I tell her I'm in the middle of a project at work and will see her Saturday night. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I love her but I'm scared shitless that she doesn't love me. I don't know how I would react if I lost her because she didn't love me. I know she cares deeply about me and trusts me like she has trusted no one before, but is that enough? Does that mean she loves me?
Are we still on for tonight? –A
Yes; I will pick you up at 7? –C
Elliot is picking Kate up, I could catch a ride with them –A
Ok, see you there –C
I miss you –A
I've missed you too –C
The fact that she misses me has to say something right? I need to snap out of this funk and just concentrate on seeing Ana tonight. Maybe I can get some sort of a clue as to how she feels about me tonight.
"Hey Bro!" Elliot says after I answer the phone.
"Hey Elliot. What's the plan for tonight?" I ask.
"Kate wants to go out dancing so I thought we would check The 21st Floor club. I've heard really good things about the food there" he answers.
"I know the owners, I will see about pulling some strings" I say.
"Great, I'm sure the girls will be impressed" he replies.
"Ana says you are picking them up?" I ask.
"Yes at six thirty" he answers.
"Great, then I will meet you at 7 at the club" I answer and hang up.
I call the owner of the club whom I've done business with in the past but more recently he assisted me with the opening of my club. He has graciously agreed to reserve us a table so we won't be waiting for hours to get food. I find my stomach a little unsettled as I think about tonight and seeing Ana again. I spend a few hours in the gym which seems to help my nerves settle down but only to a certain degree.
"Gail, can I ask you something?" I walking into the kitchen.
"Of course Mr. Grey" she says turning off the water.
"I realize I'm going to cross a line here but I'm hoping you will give me a little latitude" I begin. "When did you first realize you were in love with Taylor?"
"Oh" she pauses, clearly surprised as I have never brought up their relationship before. Of course I've known they have been romantically involved for a couple years now but as long as it didn't interfere with their work I never brought it up.
"I'm sorry, it's too personal" I turn around to leave.
"No, that's not it" she begins. "I guess, looking back I was always in love with him and just didn't realize it at first. I found myself constantly thinking about him, wondering if he was safe, wanting to take care of him and wanting to spend more time with him even when we were just together."
"Were you afraid that he didn't feel the same way" I ask quietly.
"Of course" she answers. "It's risky because you don't know for sure how the other person feels until someone says those three little words."
"How did you know?" I ask.
"The way he acted. He would call or text me whenever he had a few moments free, he would make it a point to ask me about my day, he constantly asked to spend time with me and when we weren't together he would tell me how much he missed me" she explains.
"Thank you Gail" I leave the room.
Feeling much more confident about my feelings and Ana's possible feelings for me, I decide it was time to get ready for the evening. I quickly dress in a pair of dress pants, a long sleeve collared shirt and a light jacket before heading to meet Taylor. We arrive at the club a few minutes before Elliot and the girls so I wait in the parked car until I see them pull up. I immediately go to their car and open the door so they could step out; so I could see Ana again.
"Hi" I say pulling her to me and kissing her passionately on the lips.
"Wow, hi Christian" Ana says giggling at the sudden public display of affection.
"I missed you" I admit pulling her closer to me.
"Me too; I feel like we haven't spoken in days" she says sadly and immediately I feel guilty.
"I know, but tonight that changes. I promise" I say.
We walk pass the long line to get in and are escorted to our table after providing the bouncers with our names. We are seated just off the dance floor, near the bar and I'm surprised at how packed the place is already.
"Shall we order a bottle of wine?" I ask.
"Sounds good" Ana replies.
"I'm going to go with a beer" Elliot says.
"Me too" Kate says.
"So two for wine?" I ask Ana.
"Please" she answers.
We order drinks and place an order for a couple appetizers to enjoy while we look over the menu. Elliot and Kate talk about their trip to the Bahamas and New Year's in NYC as we look over the menu. We eventually decide on our orders as the waitress returns a few moments later.
"Want to dance while we wait for our food?" I ask Ana, dying to feel her closer to me.
"Sure" she takes my hand to stand up.
As we reach the dance floor I take in her outfit which once again shows off her curves perfectly. She is wearing a black skirt which is snug in all the right places, with an off the shoulder light pink top. The shirt hugs her breasts perfectly and being this closer to her I can see the outline of lace just under her shirt.
"You look beautiful tonight" I breath into her ear as she leans her back into my chest dancing to the music.
"Thank you" she says breathless. "You look pretty hot yourself."
We dance closely for several songs; Ana continues to grind her firm ass into my crotch in tune with the beats of the music. All too quickly, I find myself incredibly turned on by her dancing and I grasp her hips to pull her closer to me. I pull her ass tight against my crotch so she can feel just how much I want her.
"Can you feel that?" I whisper into her hear as I flex my hips forward so my erection is firm between her ass cheeks. "This is what you do to me."
"Maybe I can take care of that later tonight for you" she says spinning around and grinding her front against me.
"God, you're killing me Ana" I bite her earlobe.
"Come, Elliot is signaling us that the food has arrived" Ana says pulling away from me.
"Not yet," I say. "Give me a minute."
Ana giggles realizing why I cannot just walk away from her right now. Anyone within a mile of us would be able to see just how much I wanted Ana if I let her step away right now. We stand there making small talk for a few minutes before I finally feel like I can walk again. We walk back to the table to find Elliot and Kate in a full out make session nearly knocking over our drinks.
"Excuse us" Ana laughs as we approach the table.
"Sorry" Kate mumbles sitting back up to the table.
We eat our dinner, which was good really well as Elliot had heard. Ana and I finish a bottle of wine before ordering a second one just as we are finishing dinner. It's been so nice hanging out with Elliot, Kate and Ana; I've never been on a double date before. The girls head off to the bathroom together giggling the entire way.
"What's your plan with Ana tonight?" Elliot asks as the girls are out of ear shot.
"What do you mean?" I'm confused.
"Well, I drove Ana here…do you want me to take her back because I was hoping Kate might come back to my place but I know if we end up taking Ana home Kate will want to stay at her place. I have a much bigger bed and I've been dying to try it out with her-" Elliot says.
"No details please!" I interrupt. "All kidding aside, I'm hoping Ana will come back to my place with me tonight so you won't need to give her a ride. And if she doesn't for some reason I will take her home."
Just as we finish talking, the girls appear from the bathroom and the four of us make our way to the dance floor. The more alcohol Ana has in her the more free she becomes with dancing. Her arms are all over me as she grinds her entire body against mine. Every move she makes she turns me on further and I don't know how much longer I can last.
"Come home with me tonight?" I ask.
"I was hoping you would ask me" she admits blushing.
"Is that a yes" I ask, pulling her hips into me so her clit grinds up against my erection.
"Hmmmmmmmm….yes" she moans.
"Hey guys, I'm going to take Kate home she is pretty wasted already" Elliot says interrupting us.
"Is she okay? Do you need me to come home with her?" Ana worriedly pulls away from me to look at Kate who is being held up by Elliot.
"No, I'm sure she will be fine as long as soon as she finds a bed" Elliot says.
"As loooooong as 'ts your bed" Kate drunkenly says.
"Christian, can you take Ana home?" Elliot asks, unsure what my plans are.
"I think we will be leaving soon to head back to my place actually" I answer. "You okay to drive, or do you want me to have Taylor take you home first?"
"I'm fine" Elliot swears. "I've only had two beers and that was hours ago over dinner. I had a feeling Kate might get drunk."
"Drive safe" I say grabbing Ana's hips and bringing her close to me once again.
Ana turns around so her back is against my chest, she reaches around to pull my crotch closer to as she grinds herself back and forth against me. My hands are all over her; on her hips, her stomach, rubbing her thighs and occasionally nearing the sides of her breasts. I kiss her neck up and down; she tastes of sweat mixed with Ana which is just perfect. I pull her around so I can kiss her deeply on the lips and pull her ass so her clit is right against my erection again. She wraps her arms around my neck and begins grinding herself shamelessly onto my erection no longer in tune with the beat of the music but to her own beat.
"Let's get out of here" I suggest as it's becoming obvious if we keep this up much longer we could be in trouble.
"Hmmmmmmmmmmm" She moans biting my earlobe.
We grab our coats and head out to the car where Taylor is patiently waiting. As soon as we get in the car, she is all over me – practically sitting on my lap.
"You're not drunk are you?" I ask cautiously. If she's drunk I will just take her home and put her to bed. I'm not going to take advantage of her in a drunken state.
"No, I'm not" she says looking me straight in the eye so I know she's not lying. "I've missed you so much, I need to feel close to you again."
"God, I've missed you Ana" I say pulling her onto my lap not caring that she cannot where a seat belt on my lap; I just need to feel closer to her.
The ride to Escala seems to take forever, but I know from the drive here it's really only about fifteen minutes. Taylor rides with us in the elevator, so we try to behave ourselves which is ironic given what he just saw in the back of the SUV. I guess if he was driving he technically didn't see everything but still…I make a mental note to see about having a price window installed on the SUV if that's even possible. As soon as the elevator doors open, Taylor quickly disappears into the security office leaving us alone.
I immediately pull her into me kissing her deeply as we stand in the middle of the foyer. I just want to drag her to my bedroom, but I need to be sure that's what she wants. The passion immediately returns as she reaches her hand between us and strokes my erection causing me to moan into her mouth. I pick her up, she wraps her legs around my waist and I carry her up the stairs causing her to giggle. I don't put her down until we reach my bed and I kick the bedroom shut. I climb on the bed and lay next to her, pulling her close to me again. She wraps her leg around my waist so my erection is right against her sex.
"God I've missed you so much Ana" I moan.
"It's been too long Christian, I need you" she says grinding her sex against me.
I pull her skirt up against her waist as my hand lands on her now drenched panties. She moans loudly as I rub her soaked folds up and down while sucking on her lip. She pulls my shirt roughly, so I roll her on her back so I am leaning over as I take off my shirt. I reach down and take off her shirt as well before removing her bra freeing her beautiful soft breasts. My mouth immediately finds her nipple; she grinds her sex against my erection in response. She pulls my mouth back to hers before reaching down to unbutton my pants and pull them down.
"I need you" she moans.
I kick my pants and underwear off, before tearing her panties in two causing her to giggle and blush. I take her nipple back in my mouth as I rub my erection against her folds feeling just how wet she is for me right now. I can tell her wants me as much as I want her, but I don't think I'm going to last very long tonight. It's been too long since I felt her, since I was this close to her. I'm about to enter her when I realize I don't have a condom; I sit back to reach over to get one from the nightstand drawer.
"You don't need one" she says breathless.
"Huh?" I ask.
"I went to the doctor and I start the pill tomorrow" she blushes. "If want to still use one…"
I capture her mouth in mind, not letting her finish that sentence. The one time I was inside of her without a condom just felt like heaven. I've been thinking of that nonstop over the last several days, desperately wanting to be inside of her again without a barrier. The fact that she did this for me, and so quickly, makes me so happy. My erection is back at her opening and I push in gently as I continue to attack her mouth with mine. Just as I'm about to move in a little more, she reaches down and grabs my ass with her hands pulling me into her roughly while pushing her hips up into mine.
"Oh God," she says once I am fully inside of her.
"You feel so good Ana, you are so tight and so hot" I moan as I begin to pull out and push back in deeply.
"Hmmmmmmmmm" She moans gripping my ass tightly.
Every time I push into her, her walls grab a hold of me tightly as if they don't want me to pull back out. I set a decent pace of rocking back and forth into her as I pinch her nipples. As she gets close to her peak, her hands are all over me trying to pull me deeper from any angle she can get.
"Christian" she moans as I slam into her and rub myself against her clit. "You feel amazing…don't stop…please…"
"I got you" I say slamming into her again.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" she screams. "Again!"
As if I could ever say no to her, I immediately comply and pull almost entirely out of her tight sex before slamming into her again as I pinch her nipple hard.
"Come Ana!" I command through gritted teeth.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" She calls out as the orgasm rips through her; her walls grabbing me tight and not letting go.
"Ana!" I yell as I pour myself into her for the first time without a condom.
I collapse on top of her, kissing her deeply before gently rolling us to our sides while we stay joined. We are both breathing heavily after that and need a few minutes to catch our breaths. I hope it's only a few minutes, because for me that was just an appetizer.
"I've missed you Christian" she says pulling me in for a deep kiss.
"God, I've missed you Ana" I sigh pulling her closer as I bury face into her neck breathing in her scent deeply. "I love you Ana."