Chpt. 32 CPOV:
We arrive back to Escala after a short ride from the hospital where Taylor quickly removes a wheelchair from the back of the SUV. Ana slides to the edge of the car seat before I lift her up to place her in the wheelchair. I hate the idea that she is in this thing but I am thankful that she is finally out of the hospital and back to Escala. I've missed having here and being able to spend time with her without a nurse or doctor constantly interrupting.
"Sir, I will bring the bags up through the service elevator" Taylor informs us.
I gently push Ana over the elevator which arrives moments after I call for it. I enter the code for the penthouse just as the doors close. I notice Ana closes her eyes as the elevator goes up and her face is flush just as we arrive at the penthouse.
"Ana? Are you okay?" I ask before we exit the elevator as her eyes are still closed and her cheeks are flushed.
"Sorry….another memory I think" she opens her eyes and smiles.
"Oh?" I ask trying to figure out what memory she could have just had.
"I'll tell you later" she whispers gesturing towards the foyer where Taylor and Gail are waiting for us.
I push Ana into the foyer and watch her eyes get larger as she looks around the penthouse. I introduce her to Gail who of course she doesn't remember even though they have met several times. I bring Ana into the great room and gently move her to the couch so she could be more comfortable. Her eyes are still wide as she takes in the entire room including the baby grand piano that sits in front of the windows with a beautiful view of Seattle.
"Wow" she sighs.
"So tell me about the memory in the elevator" I request.
"Oh that" she blushes again. "We were laughing in a car and then we got into the elevator; it was just the two of us. As soon as the doors closed you pushed me up against the wall, you were kissing me….you were very close to me."
"Oh…." I say after a few minutes of thinking through all the times we were in the elevator. "That was New Year's Eve…we were at a club ringing in the new year before we decided to come back here."
"We looked very….involved" she blushes.
"That's probably putting in mildly" I laugh. "That night was the first time we made love."
"OH!" she exclaims embarrassed.
"Would you like to see the bedroom where you will be staying?" I ask.
"Sure" she says grateful for the change in topic.
I gently place her back in the wheelchair and show her around the main floor before bringing her to the only bedroom on this level which is right next to my office. I open the door and gently wheel her in, immediately I am stunned at the transformation of this room. Gone are the white, boring walls now replaced with a warm and inviting dark tan color with pictures of the ocean hung up. There is a large bed against the one wall of the room, covered in a warm multicolored comforter with several matching pillows.
"This room is beautiful Christian" Ana says pulling me away from my own surprise.
"There is a bathroom through this door" I indicate. "It shares a connecting door with my office which is just on the other side of this wall."
"I can't thank you enough for doing all this for me Christian" she gushes. "I will try not to turn your life too upside down."
"Ana, you've been turning my life upside down since the moment I met you" I laugh.
"I have?" she says surprised. "How?"
"Before I met you no one could touch my chest or my back" I say and she immediately gasps no doubt realizing she has touched me there several times even just since she woke up. "The first time we met, when you bumped into me, you almost fell backwards so I pulled you against my chest. It was the first time anyone ever touched me there without causing me to feel immense pain and see red."
"Why doesn't it bother you?" she asks in awe.
"I don't know" I sigh. "My therapist says it's because I saw something in you in those first few seconds we met that reassured me that I could trust you and that you would never hurt me."
"Wow, that's amazing" she whispers.
"Since then I have been able to hug my mom which I've never been able to do" I admit. "So you see, without even knowing it you tuned my world upside down the moment I met."
"Were you able to touch my….my back? Did I react?" she asks.
"Initially, no I wasn't able to. The night…well I guess it was our first date…we were at a club with Kate and Elliot, dancing and without knowing your limitations I touched the center of your back –" I begin.
"My back was bare…the dress was low or something in the back?" she asks.
"Yes, it dipped very low in the back and you looked beautiful in it" I smile. "The moment I touched you there, you made an excuse and ran to the bathroom. We stayed that night until they closed and just as we were waiting in line for our coats they turned the lights on."
"And you saw them?" she asks surprised.
"Not all of them, but yes, I saw them" I admit.
"Oh my God, I must have flipped out" she whispers.
"Actually, no," I smile. "We didn't discuss it that night, I put your jacket on you and we ended our night."
"But eventually I let you touch me? I mean you must have if we…." She blushes.
"Yes, I think as you trusted me you became more comfortable" I explain. "One night we shared our stories…I was adopted by Grace and Carrick but before that I was abused when I was younger. I had cigarettes put out on my chest and my back which left scars and is the reason I could never stand to let anyone touch me there. One night I shared that with you and in turn you decided to trust me enough to share your story with me."
"I did?" she whispers.
"Yes" I nod. "You were afraid I would run after I heard your story, which I didn't but you still had your doubts I think. Later that night, you showed me all your scars and when I didn't run or turn away we took our first of many showers together."
"You've seen all of them?" she asks surprised.
"Yes" I squeeze her hand. "And I think you are beautiful inside and out. Your scars don't define you; they are a reminder of how strong you are, of how much you have overcome."
"Christian" she moans.
I bend down so I am at her level in the chair and I kiss her deeply, trying to convey in the kiss how much I love her, how beautiful she is and how much I trust her. Her uninjured hand wraps around my neck and gently pulls me closer to her as she moans in my mouth. I take this moment to gently rub my tongue along her lips and much to my surprise she opens her mouth further giving me more access. I moan as my tongue explores her mouth; I've missed kissing her like this…
"Sir, ma'am?" Gail knocks on the door interrupting our moment.
"Yes Gail?" I ask breathless.
"Lunch is ready in the dining room" she says.
"We will be out in a moment" I reply.
"Wow" Ana sighs.
"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to kiss you like that" I admit.
"Would you mind if I used the bathroom before lunch?" she asks shyly.
"Do you want help?" I ask.
"I think if you can just wheel me to door I'm going to use the cane" she says. "Just stay outside the door please."
"I'll leave it open just a little" I say as she stands up from her chair gripping the cane tightly for support.
A few minutes later we are seated around the dining room table enjoying some of Gail's homemade macaroni and cheese. I explain to Ana that an electric wheelchair is here for her to use as well so that she doesn't haven't to rely on me at the same time reassuring her that I don't mind pushing her throughout the apartment. Her face immediately lights up at having a little freedom and she hugs me tightly thanking me over and over again. Ana can hardly contain herself and as soon as lunch is finished, she tries out the new wheelchair quickly learning how to maneuver it all over the apartment. After bumping into walls and furniture a few times she seems to get the hand of it and easily moves from room to room. My heart swells seeing her this happy; I don't care how much this chair cost seeing her smile like this was worth it.
"Christian, I think I'm going to get ready for bed" Ana says later than evening.
"Sure, I will show you where your clothes are" I say following her into what is now her bedroom.
Ana quickly moves herself from the wheelchair to the bed with little assistance from me; I can tell she is getting tired though as her eyes are very heavy. I go to the dresser looking through the clothes that Taylor brought down from my room. I find a silk gown that should be easy to get over her casts and set it on the bed next to her.
"That's mine?" she asked surprised.
"I had a personal shopper send over a few items for you when you first started spending the night here since sometimes it was spontaneous and you didn't always have a change of clothes with you. Although most nights you would just sleep in my t shirts which I thought was much sexier than this" I admit causing her blush.
Ana doesn't say anything as I assist her out of her shirt, take off her bra and put on the new pajamas. She manages to stand on one foot so I can pull her skirt off before laying back in bed. I help her move the blankets around so she can get comfortable before turning off the light.
"There's a phone next to your bed, if you hit two my office will ring. I'm going to be in there for a little this evening. Hitting one will ring Taylor who will come to you at any time of the night. Hitting three gets you to my bedroom, which will have me here in moments. Your cell phone is also right here, hold down one and my cell phone will ring. Ana, please call me or Taylor if you need something…I don't care what time of the night or what you need just promise you will call" I beg.
"I promise Christian" she vows as her eyes close.
I close the door behind me before retreating to my office and calling Dr. Flynn:
Flynn: Christian, it's nice to hear from you.
Christian: Thank you for squeezing me in so late tonight.
Flynn: How is everything?
Christian: It's good (pause). Ana's been discharged from the hospital and is back at Escala with me.
Flynn: How do you feel about that?
Christian: I'm relieved (sigh). I expected her to initially fight me on staying here but she quickly recognized that she couldn't stay with Kate and didn't really have other options.
Flynn: Has she remembered more?
Christian: Some…little bits here and there. I kissed her in the hospital and she said it brought back several images of us kissing (laugh). She remembered seeing my mother at the holiday party she hosted at Campenelli's when Ana was working. The memories seem to be increasing which is a huge relief.
Flynn: But?
Christian: I'm nervous about telling her about Elena and my BDSM past. What if she leaves me again? What if this time she doesn't come back? I can't handle losing her again, Flynn.
Flynn: Christian, normally I would encourage you to be open and honest with her (pause). However, given everything Ana has been through lately it's probably not wise to tackle this topic until she builds more trust in you. However, if she remembers it you will need to be honest with her. Don't lie about it, tell her about your past, about what happened when you told her and about how the two of you decided to move forward.
Christian: Thank you (sigh). I was afraid you were going to tell me that I should tell her everything right now.
Flynn: Normally, I would but I don't think that would be best for Ana right now. But remember what I said, if she starts remembering you will need to be honest with her. When the times comes I will be happy to have a joint session with you both or meet with just her to process everything.
Christian: Thank you Flynn.
I disconnect the call and spend the next couple of hours sorting through the hundreds of emails that have come in over the last few days. I finalize a few reports before sending them out and review the financial statements of several of the companies under the GEH umbrella. I send an email to Ros asking her to look into one of the companies as their profit margin has been slowly decreasing over the last six months. If the profit margin does not begin turning around we will need to unload the company, it's not making enough to pay their overhead expenses. I review the latest financial statements for SIP and send an email to Andrea requesting she schedule a meeting in two weeks with the heads of the departments to discuss moving the company forward. I send an email to Barney requesting he prepare a report for that meeting outlining what is necessary to move SIP into the digital age along with a cost analysis. While I have been able to spend this week away from the office, looking at my schedule and my emails I know that I will need to go into the office at least a couple days next week. I'm hesitant to leave Ana but I know that in order to keep GEH performing as well as it has been I need to be in the office. She seems to be doing well and acclimating well to staying at Escala with me at least so far today. Gail will be here with Ana so it's not like she would be alone, I will speak to Gail early next week requesting that she check on Ana several times a day when I am at the office.
Shutting down my computer, I decide to check on Ana before retiring to my bedroom. It's so hard knowing that she is sleeping in the room next door and that I am going to be sleeping an entire floor above her. I want so badly to sleep with her but I know I need to do this at her pace. I find myself constantly having to remember that to her I am a virtual stranger so we need to take things slow. When I first met Ana we took things very slow, opening up to each other fully before we made love for the first time. Ever since New Year's Eve, I can't seem to get enough of her. Being intimate with her just made everything better, it made me feel whole again, it made me feel loved. It's only been a few days since the last time we were together but with everything going on right now and Ana's memory loss I am desperate need of that connection with her again. I know I need to be patient, as I remind myself that this is not about me-this is about her right now. I use the bathroom before going through the door that connects to Ana's bedroom to check on her.
"Ana?" I ask walking into the room seeing that she is awake in her bed. "Are you okay?"
"I can't sleep" she answers.
"Are you in pain? Do you need anything?" I ask.
"I feel fine…I just can't sleep" she admits. "Would you mind lying with me until I can fall asleep?"
"Of course," my heart swells at this simple request.
I slip out of my jeans and climb in bed next to her. She immediately moves closer to me, resting her head on my chest. This bed is much bigger than her hospital bed however I find us laying just as close to each other as we did in that bed. This time though Ana is not restricted by monitors and her leg is not elevated off the bed. Within minutes of me coming to bed with her I realize Ana has fallen asleep. For a brief moment I consider leaving and sleeping in my own bed upstairs but quickly dismiss the idea. I fall asleep moments later with Ana in my arms.
Ana's POV:
I wake up early the next morning feeling hot; I look around the room momentarily forgetting that I am no longer in the hospital and in Christian's apartment. Christian is sleeping soundly next to me with his arm wrapped around my shoulders hugging me close to him. I remember asking him last night to lay with me until I fell asleep; I couldn't sleep before he came to bed with me no matter how hard I tried. Once Christian was next to me I immediately fell asleep; it was as if my body needed him next to me to sleep. He told me I've slept over several times, so maybe on some level my body remembers that even if my mind doesn't.
"Good Morning" Christian greets me.
"Morning" I say looking up at him.
Our eyes meet and everything changes. I can see how much he loves me in this moment and I am shocked by this revelation. He told me many times that he is in love with me but seeing his eyes now just confirms everything. Unsure what to do or say, I gently move closer to his head and my place my lips against his. He moans quietly, likely at the surprise of my boldness and I decide to take advantage of this running my tongue along his lips. His arms pull me closer to him, I find myself wanting to pull him closer to me but in this position my uninjured arm is under me so I can't. His other hand is on my hip pressing his entire body again mine as our tongues explore each other's mouths.
"God, I've missed this so much Ana" he whispers momentarily pulling away.
Not knowing what to say, because I can't honestly say I miss this since I don't remember it I kiss him deeply again. There is something about this kiss today that is different; it's as if I can feel all the feelings he has for me in the kiss. In what is probably a very unattractive move, I boldly lift my injured leg up placing it over his legs bringing him even closer to me. This position is not uncomfortable or painful for me and Christian doesn't seem to mind as his hand runs up and down my side, gently over my hip and to my thigh. He hands are careful never to touch my lower back and I'm thankful for that as I'm sure it would ruin the moment. His hand finds my breast through my silk gown and instantly my nipple hardens at his touch. I gasp into his mouth as I feel his erection against my sex; I am instantly turned on and find myself craving his touch. My hips involuntary rock against his erection wanting more, needing more from him as his fingers continue pinching and rubbing my nipple.
"Hmmmmmmmm" I whimper as his hand suddenly leaves my breast.
My disappointment is short lived as I feel his hand inching up my leg under my nightgown. He pulls away from me briefly just as his hand finds my sex, his eyes seeking permission before going any further. I nod my head slightly before kissing him passionately and as he pulls my underwear to the side running his fingers through my sex. I so desperately want to touch him, I manage to maneuver my uninjured arm between and in a moment of confidence find his erection through his boxers. He gasps into my mouth as his hips thrust his erection against my hand. Motivated by his reaction, I move my hand into his underwear grasping his bare erection shocked at how large he is. I have no frame of reference of course, but my God he feels huge!
"Ana…" Christian says breathless. "Are you okay? Is this okay?"
"I'm fine Christian" I reassure him as his lips once again find mine.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" I moan as his finger enters my core.
He slowly moves his finger in and out of me, applying the slightest amount of pressure to my clit with his thumb as I continue to stroke his rock hard erection. The sensations going through my body right now are overwhelming and I feel the orgasm building deep inside of me. Christian moans when I grasp his erection harder as the orgasm finally comes within reach.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh" I moan as another finger pushes into me. "Oh God!"
Christian's fingers begin moving in and out of me at a much faster pace now, a pace I try to mimic with his erection. We are both breathing heavy, moaning loudly as our needs quickly become known.
"I'm so close….don't stop Ana!" he whispers into my ear before nipping at it.
"Oh God!" I scream as his fingers curl deep inside of me hitting a magical spot.
"ANA!" Christian yells as he comes all over my hand.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Christian!" I come hard and loud as Christian continues to stroke that ever sensitive spot deep inside me.
Christian gently removes his fingers from me and I immediately feel empty, missing his touch. He kisses me deeply before getting up from the bed and going into the bathroom. He returns with a warm washcloth and gently wipes the evidence of his arousal off my hand as I blush. He places the washcloth on the floor before climbing back into bed with me pulling me close to him again.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"I'm fine" I smile.
"I didn't hurt you at all did I?" he asks.
"No, not at all" I blush. "Christian?"
"Hmmmmm?" he says.
"Has it always been like this with us?" I ask.
"If you mean so passionate, so full of emotion, so desperate…yes" he laughs. "And it's only ever been this way with you."
"Oh" I blush.
"How about some breakfast? Are you hungry?" Christian asks a few minutes later.
"I am" I admit. "But I should probably use the bathroom and put some clothes on first."
"I will get your chair" he says kissing me before getting out of bed.
I easily move myself from the bed to the chair before moving the chair into the bathroom. I leave the door slightly ajar like last night just in case as I'm not very steady with the cane yet. I am thankful that Christian arranged for this chair to be delivered, it allows me to not rely on Christian or someone else to move me from room to room. With the regular wheelchair there is no way I would be able to move it myself since you need to hands to move around, unless you just want to move in a circle. I use the bathroom and brush my teeth as quickly as possible before returning to my chair.
"I picked out some clothes for you" Christian gestures to the bed. "Taylor had my personal shopper send over items that could easily be worn over a cast which seems to be mostly dresses and skirts. I will keep the heat up in the apartment so you stay warm and there's a fireplace in the great room that you can control the temperature of."
"It's fine Christian" I smile, appreciative that he thought of all these little things.
Christian helps me change into a sun dress which goes on very easily over both casts though isn't necessary the most appropriate thing for winter. With my arm in a cast I can't really wear long sleeve tops and obviously can't wear pants so my selection is limited. I find myself less embarrassed with Christian helping me undress this morning than I was last night…of course that probably has something to do with our impromptu make out session this morning.
As we sit down for breakfast, a memory comes back catching by surprise as they typically do. It's literally as if I am picked up from the moment I'm in and transported to wherever and whenever this memory is from. I'm watching the memory as an observer though, not as myself in the memory which is weird. I'm suddenly watching myself and Christian sitting on a dock watching boats coming in and out of the area. I see Christian staring at me while I watch the water, oblivious to the fact that he is staring at me intently. I see his mouth moving as he must say something to me and we are quickly kissing passionately, our hands pulling each other closer. It's the similar image to the one I just had with Christian in my bed, we are so into each other it's as if we can't get enough.
"Ana?" Christian asks pulling me from my memory.
"Sorry…" I apologize.
"Where were you?" he asks.
"On a dock somewhere….sitting with you" I describe.
"Oh, that was after our first dinner date" he recalls. "We had dinner at the Harbor View Inn, afterwards we walked down the pier to watch the boats."
"Good Morning Christian, Ana" Grace walks in as we finish breakfast.
"Morning Mom" Christian kisses Grace on the cheek.
"Good Morning" I greet her.
"I just stopped in on my way to the hospital to see how you feeling Ana?" Grace asks.
"I'm feeling pretty good actually" I smile.
"Any trouble sleeping last night? Sometimes the pain can be worse at night" she asks.
"No, I slept well" I answer looking at Christian.
"Any progress on your short term memory coming back?" she asks.
"Some…it's very random but it seems to be slowly coming back. I remembered meeting you at the restaurant when you had a holiday dinner there. And Christian just told me I remembered our first dinner date" I smile.
"That's wonderful progress Ana…I know it's hard but whatever you're doing keep it up because it seems to be working" she smiles before leaving.
The rest of the day is uneventful and actually very relaxing. Christian spends several hours in his office but he brought me down some books from his library for me to read while he is busy. I immediately curl up on the couch near the fireplace in the great room and dive into the books. I can't remember the last time I could just sit and read a book, between school and work it's been a long time since I've had free time.
That night Christian once again sleeps with me in my bedroom and this time I immediately fall asleep. Although I still don't remember everything, I can see why I would have fallen so hard and so fast for Christian. It's hard not to fall in love with this beautiful man who has been nothing but patient with me and rearranged his entire life just to take care of me this week.