Chpt. 35 CPOV
The last couple of weeks have flown by; I couldn't be happier with the progress Ana is making. She is remembering more and more every day and I feel like the BDSM discussion has only brought us closer. I wake every morning lying next to Ana or with her head on my chest. We have been intimate at least 2-3 times per week; I'd rather bury myself in her every day but I'm still afraid I'm going to hurt her since her arm and leg are still in casts plus I don't know if her ribs are completely healed yet. She has an appointment with the orthopedic doctor this morning which we should find out how much longer she has in both her casts. Ana is hopeful the cast on her arm will come off today even though I've tried telling her not to get her hopes up too much. Once the casts come off she still has a lot of physical therapy ahead of her so I have already lined up the best physical therapists who are on standby for the moment the doctor gives the physical therapy orders.
"Good Morning" Ana hugs me, pulling me from my thoughts.
"Morning baby" I kiss her on the head.
"Did you sleep good?" she asks smirking.
"Oh baby, after last night I slept wonderful" I laugh remembering our love making the night before.
"So did I" she blushes.
"Would you like a bath before I leave for work?" I ask.
"If you have time….if not, I can wait until you get home" she answers.
"I have time, my first meeting isn't until ten" I throw on a pair of pajama pants. "Besides, I thought maybe we could go out for dinner tonight."
"That would be nice" she answers.
I carry Ana up the stairs, placing her in the manual wheelchair that is in the guest room closest to the stairs. We have been keeping this wheelchair in the guest room unless we are going somewhere so she can at least get around upstairs. Over the last couple of weeks she has spent quite a bit of time in the library after I get home from work or on the weekends. I haven't told her that I built this room specifically with her in mind because I know she would say it's too much. Secretly, I am pleased that she is so comfortable in there and wants to spend hours getting lost in books. It was exactly what I wanted when I designed the room, I wanted her to have a place she could go and lose herself here since she hasn't had that anywhere else.
I wheel her into the bathroom and start the bath water; I'm thankful she is becoming less shy about undressing in front of me. I think the realization that I was touching her back the one night without it triggering a panic attack or negative memories allowed her to trust me more. Ever since that night she was been more comfortable with me touching her and undressing in front of me. I know she is still self-conscious of her scars and because of her limited mobility she hasn't had her back fully exposed to me too often but at least we are making progress from the first time I undressed her in the hospital. With Ana's assistance, I undress her and carry her into the tub before running back downstairs to gather her clothes. Even though nothing will probably happen, I'm always nervous about leaving her in the tub while I run downstairs for clothes. Unfortunately I never plan it well and bring the clothes up before bringing her up. I think I'm going to ask Gail to move some clothes into my closet for her, eliminating this issue altogether. Walking back into my room, I realize how infrequent I have been in here since Ana came home from the hospital. I spend every night in her bed, using my room typically only to dress and shower. I wish my room were on the main floor so I could sleep with Ana in this bed every night. I don't mind her bed, it's just a little smaller compare to my king size bed.
"Christian?" Ana pulls me from my thoughts.
"I'm right here, is everything okay?" I rush into the bathroom.
"Oh, it's fine" she blushes. "Would you mind washing my hair? Then I'm ready to get out."
"Sure" I answer.
I wash her hair, savoring moments like this when Ana actually lets me take care of her. She's been trying to become more and more independent, trying to do much more on her own despite her limitations. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that she is trying to do more but I worry that she is going to hurt herself in the process. I'll be glad when the cast on her arm finally comes off; at least it will give her a little more stability and support until her leg is fully healed. I help her get dressed, chose a few more books from the library before taking her back downstairs for breakfast.
"Good Morning Gail" Ana leads us into the dining room where Gail just finished plating breakfast.
"Good Morning Ana, Mr. Grey" Gail smiles.
"Are you ready for your appointment today?" I ask as we begin eating.
"I'm really hoping they say the cast can come off today" she says. "It would make things so much easier if I could use two hands!"
"I'm sure it would, just don't be too disappointed if they want to leave it on for a few more weeks" I caution.
"I'm optimistic" she smiles.
"I thought maybe tonight we would go to Campenilli's for dinner…" I begin.
"That would be great! I'd love to see Antonio and thank him for holding my job for all this time" she says happily.
"Taylor and I will pick you up after work" I say.
"I could meet you at your office earlier if you want" she suggests.
"Sure…I think I have a meeting that goes until three but you can come anytime" I smile; it would be nice for her to see my office. "Just let Sawyer know whenever you want to come over."
"I was thinking of stopping by after my appointment at the hospital" she says.
"Sure, whenever you want" I kiss her deeply as we leave the table.
"Sir?" Taylor enters the room.
"I'll be there in a minute" I respond.
"I'll see you later today" Ana smiles.
"I love you Ana" I kiss her before meeting Taylor in the foyer.
I don't wait for a response from Ana because I know she won't say it back yet; I'm trying to be patient and remember that she has forgotten so much because of the accident but I'm also desperate for her to say those three words back to me. She has said that she is falling for me, which at least is a start but it's so hard knowing that I'm the only one at least for now that is in love in this relationship. I know it's not Ana's fault that she can't remember being in love with me, everything that we shared and everything that we have gone through together. I could seriously kill the person who is responsible for Ana's accident. I have a meeting with Welsh this morning and I'm hoping he has more answers; someone needs to pay for what they have done to Ana.
"Good Morning Mr. Grey" Andrea greets me.
"Morning. Can you please let Welsh know that I'm ready to meet with him?" I request.
"Yes Mr. Grey" Andrea answers as I walk away.
"Enter" I say a few moments later.
"Mr. Grey" Welsh enters my office.
"Please have a seat" I gesture to the chair in front of my desk.
"I have some news" Welsh begins.
"Thank God" I mumble.
"As you know, I've been monitoring Elena Lincoln's bank accounts for any suspicious activity since we learned that she was at the restaurant that night" Welsh begins.
"Yes, but you also said she checked into a hotel around the time of the accident" I say confused.
"That's true…." Welsh pauses. "However, something didn't sit right with me. I couldn't believe it was coincidence that she was there the night Ms. Steele was hit. I've been digging deeper because her accounts seem too perfect. She pays her bills using her checking account however there are never transactions for personal items: dinner out, clothes, entertainment, etc… The only thing that stood out was the hotel room she paid for the night of the accident; other than that there are never personal expenses taken from her checking account. She has no credit cards either."
"What are you saying?" I ask, worried about the answer.
"The lack of charges led me to dig deeper" he pauses. "I've found a much larger off shore bank account in Elena Lincoln's name; I need to dig deeper as these accounts are often very difficult to access. My guess is she is using these funds to pay for various personal expenses."
"But that doesn't sound like anything that could tie her to the accident" I say confused.
"Not exactly" he begins. "I haven't been able to get a full history on that account yet, however my source has said there are several large transfers to an account in the US including one the day after the accident. Now it could be coincidence…"
"Or it could be a payoff" I sigh. "Who is the money being transferred to?"
"A gentleman by the name of Joshua Murphy" he says.
"What do we know about him?" I ask.
"He is a 22 years old college student, majoring in political science at a nearby community college. He has no ties to Ms. Steele or any member of her family. I see no direct connection to Elena Lincoln" Welsh says.
"Send me a picture of him" I request and dismiss Welsh.
The thought that Elena might have purposely arranged to have Ana hit by a car disgusts me. How could she be that angry with me to go after Ana? What did she think this would accomplish? Did she think that if she killed Ana I would go back to her and have her set me up with subs again? Did she really have that much control over me?
"Andrea!" I call.
"Yes Mr. Grey?" Andrea rushes in.
"Get me an appointment with Dr. Flynn immediately" I say.
"Yes Mr. Grey" Andrea closes the door behind her.
An hour later, Taylor is driving me to Dr. Flynn's office who was able to get me in for an emergency appointment. I pay Dr. Flynn a great deal of money which insures his flexibility in times like this.
Flynn: Christian, how are you?
Christian: Not good.
Flynn: What's going on?
Christian: We have reason to believe that Elena paid someone to try to kill Ana.
Flynn: I see…I'm not going to ask how you know this because I don't want to know if it's not completely legal. Tell me what you're thinking.
Christian: FUCK! I don't know where to begin! How could she do this? Why does she hate Ana so much? What does she think this will change?
Flynn: Let's start with your last question…what changed when Ana came into your life? Specifically as it relates to Elena?
Christian: Well, even before I met Ana I stopped going to Elena for subs. You know I had wanted out of that lifestyle even before Ana.
Flynn: Did Elena know this?
Christian: I guess not entirely (Pause). She kept sending me pictures of subs even when Ana and I first started dating. I told her multiple times that I wasn't interested in a sub but for a while she kept sending me pictures of naked woman who she thought would be a perfect sub for me.
Flynn: Is it possible she blames Ana for your choice to leave BDSM?
Christian: I think so (sigh). But I decided months before Ana; I didn't want to tell Elena because I knew she wouldn't understand.
Flynn: What changed for Elena on Christmas Day?
Christian: I cut off all ties with her; I made it clear that we were done. My mother cut her off as well; she told her she would never be invited to a social event in which she hosted.
Flynn: Elena attended a lot of social events didn't she?
Christian: Yes, she loved being in the spot light and dressing up for the charity balls. (pause). She blames Ana for losing her social status and for losing me.
Flynn: It's possible.
Christian: This is all my fault.
Flynn: Christian, you don't control Elena. There is no way you could have known she would react like this when you decided to leave BDSM. What was the other choice? Continue in the lifestyle just to please Elena?
Christian: Ana is going to hate me.
Flynn: Has Ana given you any indication that she blames you?
Christian: No, but she doesn't know that Elena might be responsible for this.
Flynn: Do you think Ana will blame you for this?
Christian: How could she not? If she hadn't met me, she wouldn't be hurt! She wouldn't be in a wheelchair! She would be finishing school on campus right now! She would be walking around campus! She would be working right now!
Flynn: That's true she would (pause). But look at all the positive things that have happened to Ana since she met you.
Christian: What are you talking about?
Flynn: You had said she was homeless before, right?
Christian: Yes, you already know that.
Flynn: So it's possible she would still be homeless, struggling to find a way to pay her bills since she wouldn't have been given the scholarship money.
Christian: I suppose.
Flynn: Be honest with Ana, tell her everything.
Christian: I'm afraid (whisper)
Flynn: A couple weeks ago you were afraid to tell her about your BDSM history again…how did she react to that.
Christian: You know how she reacted! This is different! Someone tried to kill her because of me!
Flynn: You're right it is different. I'm just trying to say don't underestimate Ana, she might surprise you.
I leave Dr. Flynn's office thinking about what he said; Ana surprises me almost every day at how she reacts to things. Even when we first starting dating, she maintained such a positive attitude despite her housing and financial situations. Never would I have thought that she was homeless when I met her; her attitude was always so positive. However this is more than just a situation; this is almost getting killed, dealing with horrible pain, months of physical therapy and having her entire life uprooted because someone tried to have her killed because she was dating me. I knew my life would be an adjustment for her, but I thought it would be the paparazzi that got to her not Elena. Luckily, the paparazzi have not linked Ana and I together yet but I expect that will change soon. I'm afraid that everything is going to become too much for her and that she will run. I cannot handle the thought of losing Ana; I almost lost her because of Elena already, I can't let that happen again.
"Mr. Grey….I….um…." Andrea stutters as I return to the office.
"What is it Andrea?" I ask, confused as to her sudden nervousness.
"Someone came to see you while you were at your appointment, Welsh said it would be okay for them to wait in your office" Andrea says. "Normally I wouldn't let them in if you weren't here, but Welsh said…"
"It's fine Andrea" I mutter walking into my office to see what the commotion was all about.
"Hi Christian" Ana greets me with a big smile.
"Ana!" I rush to her giving her a huge hug.
I am shocked that she is here, I completely forgot she would be stopping by today and feel bad that I wasn't here when she arrived. I make a mental note to thank Welsh for telling Andrea to have Ana wait in my office instead of having her sit in the lobby. I'm so surprised that Ana is here that it takes me a few minutes to realize that Ana has both arms wrapped around me.
"Ana, your arm?" I ask surprised.
"They took the cast off!" she exclaims happily.
"Wow, that's fantastic news" I smile.
"Look, they also gave me this fancy piece of equipment" she lifts her leg up from the chair where I can see she has some type of boot thing on it.
"What is it?" I ask.
"It's a walking cast" she answers proudly. "They want me to practice for a little bit each day, but I can start using the cane to walk short distances."
"Is it safe?" I ask concerned she will fall or reinjure herself.
"The doctor said as long as I take my time and I'm on even surfaces I should be fine" she explains. "He wants me to take it slowly and not to put any weight on it if I don't have the boot on which means I still can't take a shower but at least I can get around a little more."
"Did they say anything about physical therapy?" I ask.
"Not yet," she answers. "I have another appointment in three weeks so maybe at that point since he said I might only need this for three to four weeks."
"I'm so happy for you baby" I kiss her.
"How has your day been?" she asks settling onto the couch near my desk.
"Eventful" I sigh.
"That doesn't sound good" she says.
"No, not really" I pause. "Can you look at a picture and tell me if you recognize someone?"
"Sure, I can try" she says.
I sit next to her on the couch and show her the picture that Welsh sent me earlier of Joshua Murphy. She takes the phone and brings it closer to her but I can see from the confusion in her eyes that she does not know who he is.
"Sorry Christian" she shakes her head. "Should I know him?"
"I'm not sure" I answer honestly.
"Do you think he is the one who hit me?" she asks quietly.
"It's possible but we don't know for sure" I admit.
"Who is he?" she asks.
"A college student" I answer vaguely.
"That's not what I meant and you know it Christian" she says firmly, clearly knowing I'm hiding something.
"I know" I sigh. "Let's go to dinner and talk about it there."
"Are you okay Christian? You seem worried" she says as Taylor drives us to the restaurant a little while later.
"I'm fine" I lie.
The ride to the restaurant is short, Taylor parks on the street near the entrance before pulling the wheelchair out of the trunk for Ana. With no assistance, Ana gracefully moves herself from the car to the chair carefully maneuvering the curb at the sidewalk. I immediately notice the difference and the confidence she has now that she can use both of her hands. She tries to wheel herself into the restaurant but I'm not having it and quickly take over. As soon as we enter the restaurant everyone comes out to greet Ana, obviously happy to see her. Her face immediately lights up as she recognizes everyone and realizes how much they are about her. Antonio spends several minutes talking with us, checking to make sure everything is comfortable for Ana before having special dishes prepared for us. Ana blushes at all the fuss, clearly not comfortable being the center of attention but I think it's good for her to see how many people really care for her and miss her.
"Are you okay Ana?" I ask as she is quiet for several minutes after Antonio left us.
"Can I see that picture again?" she asks.
"Sure" I cautiously hand her my phone.
"He has been here…I served his table a couple of times" she says some time later.
"Do you remember if he was here with anyone?" I ask hesitantly.
"Yes….the blond lady…you're….whatever you want to call her" she says with a tone of disgust.
"Elena" I gasp.
"Yes, I remember because she ordered for him and didn't let him speak" she pauses. "Oh my god…was he her…."
"It sounds like it" I interrupt.
"He is half her age" she whispers.
"Yes, I think she preferred younger partners" I say choosing my words carefully since we are in public.
"Do you think she had him hit me?" she asks wearily.
"We don't know…there is a large sum of money deposited into his account from her off shore bank account the day after the accident" I explain honestly, remembering what Flynn said.
"But why?" her eyes fill with tears.
"I don't know baby" I say hugging her close to me.
"Can we go home?" she asks a few moments later.
"Of course," I say.
After having Antonio pack up our meals and asking Taylor to bring the car around to the front of the building Ana and I make our way outside. Taylor is just around the corner at the light I realize as we exit the restaurant. It's pretty warm out so I don't bring Ana back inside, choosing to wait outside for Taylor. Suddenly I hear Ana gasp and turn white as a ghost; she's not responding to me calling her name just staring at the road in front of us. I'm frantically trying to pull her back to reality as I realize she is likely reliving the accident. Thankfully Taylor arrives just in time; as soon as he opens the door I lift her and carry her into the car. Taylor puts her chair in the back and quickly drives us back to Escala. The entire time she doesn't say a word but sobs in my lap, shaking as the emotions take over.
I bring her up to my bedroom, placing her on the bed before going turning the bath water on. I don't know if this will help her but it seemed to comfort her after a nightmare. If this doesn't work, I vow to call my mom and see if she has any suggestions. I quickly remove my pants and shirt, assuming I'm going to have to carry Ana into the tub as I have done before. As I return to the bedroom, Ana is curled in a ball sobbing.
"Ana? Baby?" I ask.
"I'm going to get you into the bathtub now, if you don't want me to please say something" I beg.
Several minutes pass with no response, I gently remove the walking cast from her leg gasping at the site of how different her leg looks from being in the cast for so long. I. quickly take off her clothing and carry her bridal style into the bathroom. I set her on the top step of the bathtub as I have done so many other times in the last couple of months before stepping into the tub and lowering her into the warm water. I set her down and go to step out when she grabs my hand and pulls me down to her. I immediately shift her forward slightly, lowering myself behind her barely noticing that I still have my underwear on. I pull her close to me, her back is against my chest and I wrap my arms around her holding her close as she continues to sob.
"I remember….the accident" she sobs.
"Oh baby, I'm so sorry" I hug her tighter.
"I remember the pain when the car hit me, I remember looking down and seeing the ground" she explains as the tears fall. "I remember lying in the street; I couldn't hear anything but someone was above me talking to me."
"He was an off duty fire fighter" I say quietly.
"Why did he want to hurt me Christian? What did I do to him?" she sobs.
"I'm so sorry Ana" I say. "I will spend the rest of my life trying to make this up to you."
"What?" she asks confused. "Why would you try to make it to me? You didn't hit me."
"It's my fault this happened" I whisper.
"How?" she asks.
"We think Elena paid him to hit you" I admit.
"Right…but how is this your fault? You didn't pay Elena the money or arrange for her to hire him to hit me."
"If you didn't know me…" I begin.
"Don't go there Christian" she says sternly, turning her head so she can look at me. "This is not your fault, don't think that for one minute! She is the sick perverted child molester who abused you as a child, she controlled you for years even after you were no longer her sub. You didn't control her, you didn't suggest to her that she try to kill me. This was all her doing; it had nothing to do with you!"
"But…if you and I hadn't…." I mumble.
"You're right" she sighs. "If we never met, I probably wouldn't have gotten hit that night."
My heart drops…I know what's coming next. She is going to leave me…
"You wouldn't have" I whisper.
"I also wouldn't be the person I am right now" she explains. "I wouldn't know what love is, I wouldn't know the touch of someone, I wouldn't have someone to hold me at night, I wouldn't have experienced the many things that you and I have done together."
"I am so sorry" I kiss her neck up and down.
"Christian, can we get out of the tub please?" she asks suddenly.
"Of course" I answer nervously.
I step around her, drying myself off before helping her out of the tub. She still cannot bare weight on her leg without the walking cast so I quickly wrap her in a towel and carry her back to my bed.
"Let me get you some clothes" I lay her on my bed.
"No, come here" she requests.
I climb into bed with her, the towel still around my waist. She surprises me by pulling me close to her and laying her head on my shoulder. Her arm wraps around my chest, her leg is across mine as she holds me tighter. I'm completely stunned at her reaction; I thought she would hate me after I told her it's very likely Elena was the one behind her accident. Instead, we are lying in bed together and she is holding me close to her.
"Christian…you can't blame yourself for this" she says a few minutes later.
"How could I not?" I ask.
"Because you didn't do this; Elena did this" she says firmly.
"But-" I argue.
"No but" she leans up kissing me on the lips. "You (kiss) didn't (kiss) do (kiss) this."
"Oh baby…what did I ever do to deserve you?" I kiss her passionately.
"Did you really think I would blame you for the accident?" she pulls away slightly.
"I thought you would leave me" I admit looking away.
"Christian" she says pulling my face towards her. "I'm not going anywhere."
"But-" I interrupt.
"No buts" she kissing me again. "I love you Christian, I'm not going anywhere."
"Say it again" I whisper, needing to be sure I heard what I thought I heard.
"I love you Christian" she smiles.
I pull her close to me, kissing her deeply expressing how much I love her in my kiss. I've waited months to hear those words from her and it's like hearing it for the first time all over again. My hands are all over her body as hers are all over mine. Without the restrictions of the casts we are able to explore each other's bodies much easier. I gently pull back the folds of the towel from the front of her body, exposing her beautiful naked body to me. I run my hands over her plump breasts, down her flat stomach, around her toned thighs and barely graze her sex which earns me a quiet moan from her. Her hands surprise me by moving between us and tugging my towel open.
"You have underwear on" she giggles.
"I wasn't planning on getting into the tub with you so I left them on" I laugh.
"You should take them off…you know so the bed doesn't get wet" she blushes.
I smile at her shyness but immediately remove my underwear, freeing my now hard erection. She pulls me closer to her, so we are lying side by side again as our hands run over each other's bodies. Her mouth attacks mine, her tongue quickly finds my mouth and I'm so turned on by her eagerness and confidence. When we first became intimate again after her accident she was very shy and almost hesitant to touch me, but lately she has been becoming more bold and even more verbal which turns me on beyond belief. She wraps her leg around my waist, pulling me against her sex where my erection is immediately coated by her juices. I can feel how turned on she is by this and find myself ready to combust.
"Ahhhhhhhhh" she moans as my erection continues to probe her opening.
I can feel her clit bump against me every time she comes closer. She reaches between us, grasping my erection catching me completely by surprised and she guides me to her opening. I let her have control because her doing so is turning me on even more which I didn't think was possible. Once she positions me at her opening, she gently pushes her hips down while pulling my hips up. I watch her face as she takes me all in, her face showing the ecstasy that she is in right now.
"Baby you feel so good" I moan once she takes me completely in.
"Oh Christian…." She moans rocking her hips against me.
She continues rocking against me for several minutes, but I can tell the orgasm is building and I doubt this is enough to find her release with. She grasps me tighter, her nail digging into my shoulders as she continues to try to rock herself against me harder. I find myself on the brink of an orgasm but I fight it off, wanting her to come first.
"Christian…baby….I'm so close" she moans.
"You are so tight….so hot….I love watching you when you are getting close to coming" I tell her.
"Oh God Christian" she cries. "I need to come!"
I quickly flip her over, she is on her back and I plunge into her deeply again. I am rewarded with a loud moan as I hit that wonderful spot deep within her. I pull her thighs apart, placing my hands under her knees before lifting myself up a little changing the position somewhat. I'm still mindful that her leg isn't completely healed, so I'm sure not to touch below her knee. I nearly pull completely out before slamming back into her. I haven't been rough with her since the accident; I wasn't sure if she would still enjoy the same roughness as before but I want to try. If she doesn't like it, I can alter my approach. I don't need it rough if she doesn't want it; I will take her however I can get her.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" she screams as I slam back into her.
"Does it feel good?" I ask pulling out of her.
"Don't stop Christian!" she yells.
I immediately comply, slamming back into her as she tightens around me. She is gripping me so tightly, I'm surprised I can even pull out of her.
"Ahhhhhhhhh!" She moans.
"Christian….I'm so close!" she screams.
"Come for me baby" I say.
"Christian!" she screams as her orgasm takes over.
Her walls are trembling, squeezing me so tightly that I can no longer hold back my own orgasm. I go to pull out of her, realizing we weren't using a condom but she grasps my ass and pulls me closer to her. I find my release deep inside of her before I can pull out again. Although I'm concerned because we didn't use a condom, I have missed coming inside of her especially without a barrier. There is something about spilling myself in her that feels so different than using a condom.
"Ana" I look at her.
"I finished my first month on the pill, we're good now" she smiles.
"Oh baby, you don't know how happy that makes me" I kiss her, moving in and out of her enjoying the freedom we now have.
"I can tell" she smirks.
I gently pull out of her, secretly wishing we could stay like that all night but I don't want to risk hurting her. I pull her onto her side bring her close to me, her back to my front and she quickly falls asleep in my arms. I am truly shocked at how today turned out; not only does Ana not react at all how I thought to learning that Elena is likely behind the accident but then she tells me she loves me.