Dick Grayson
Wayne Manor
Thursday, December 15th, 2012
My phone buzzes suddenly. I close my laptop and spin around in my desk chair to unplug it from the wall. I type in my passcode and the message screen opens.
My heart pounds.
"Tomorrow. 7pm."
And just like that, it's my last night. It's been almost two weeks with no contact, no threats, no nothing. It's been nice, but I knew it wouldn't last. I just have to make the most of it. There's no time to change my mind; I've had two weeks to be sure that this is only option.
I close my laptop and make my way down the hall to the girls' suite. Stephanie and Cassie's rooms are connected to a sitting room in the middle, and when I open the door, Cassie is playing with a stuffed frog. And by playing with, I mean she's chewing on one of the legs.
"Hey Cassie." I grin. "Whatcha got there?"
"Bog!" She answers through a mouthful of green fabric. She's so cute it makes my chest hurt.
"It's a very nice frog," I agree, "Do you know where Steph is?"
"BOO!" Steph shouts, launching herself off the top of a bookshelf. I catch her as she slams into me and we both go tumbling to the ground. She rolls on top of me and beams like the sun, if the sun was missing one of its front teeth.
"Got you!" She yells.
"You got me. You're getting good."
Stephanie beams at me.
"Dad said I was getting better at sneaking around!"
"I'll say. Your diving form needs a little work though."
"Meanie!"
"You're the one who jumped on me!" I retort.
She responds with a series of three-fingered gestures that barely resembled a W, E and M, followed by her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead.
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"What. Ever. Major. Loser." She repeats the motions, ending with her tongue sticking out at me.
"You've been watching way too much Camp Rock." I laugh at her.
"Nope!" She responds cheerfully, marching into her room at laying down on the bed. Cassie jumps into the room, slowly leapfrogging across the floor. She's humming to herself, one of those preschool teacher songs. Steph looks over at me like she's confused. "Why are you still here?"
"What?"
"You always have homework."
"I want homerk," Cassie says.
"You can do mine. I have a worksheet," Stephanie pulls her up onto the bed. Cassie jumps up and down, messing up the covers. I grin.
"Nope, all finished. Thought we could play a game or something."
"Really?"
Ouch. I don't know if it's the way she says it or the fact that the idea of me spending time with her is so crazy, but there's a stab of guilt in my chest. I've been a shitty brother and I'm about to be an even worse one. The best I can do is have fun tonight.
"Yeah. I love spending time with you guys."
"I thought you were mad at us." Stephanie frowns, looking guilty while her face flushes in embarrassment. Cassie stops humming and looks between us with wide eyes. Little kids pick up a lot more than people give them credit for.
"What? No!"
"But you never play with us. You just do your homework and fight bad guys."
"Steph, I'm really sorry. I promise I'm not mad at you guys, and I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I… I've been really busy. It was a mistake and I should've put you guys first. I'm really sorry."
"It's okay." There's a second pause, and then I have an eight-year-old sister latched around my stomach in a tight hug. "I'm glad you're not mad at me."
"Never." I promise.
"Play!" Cassie shouts, grinning though her crooked rows of baby teeth as she jumps up and down.
"Alright, what should we play?"
"Let's do makeovers!" Stephanie beams. I make a face.
"'Maybe not."
"Come on! It'll be fun! Don't you want to be pretty for once?"
"Ouch! I'm telling Alfred you said that."
"Well it's true." Stephanie sticks her tongue out at me.
"You are such a brat." I tease her.
"I know you are but what am I?" She shoots back. Cassie giggles at the insult and I roll my eyes. I always wondered what I missed by being homeschooled in elementary school. Turns out, I didn't miss much.
"You want to know what you are?"
"Adorable?" She blinks at me innocently.
"No… you're it!" I shout, lunging for her. Stephanie shrieks and throws herself backwards, diving off the bed and out of the way. Cassie squeals with laughter and cheers, "Tag! Tag! Tag!" I scoop her up and let her latch onto my back. Stephanie is giggling in the doorway, looking between me and Cassie with a huge grin.
"Run." I tell her. She scrambles out the door. Cassie and I sprint after her. I turn onto the red carpet of the west wing in time to see Stephanie sliding down the main banister. I pause on the landing, watching her duck through a doorway towards the rec room.
"Hold tight." I tell Cassie, before throwing myself onto the bannister and sliding down. Wind whips through my hair and the polished wood glides smoothly underneath my feet. Cassie's gurgling laughter fills in my ears and it makes me laugh too.
There's a crash and an, "OW! Stephanie!"
Stephanie starts to apologize, but she sees me and runs for the game room mid-word. I see my chance and sprint past Tim towards the living room, tapping him on the arm as I pass.
"You're it!" I shout.
"No fair, I wasn't playing!" Tim whines, but fair is fair and tag is tag.
I let out a cackle as he starts chasing me. I run through the living room, not stopping as my feet stumble over the plush Oriental rug. I vault over a sofa, reaching up to tap one of the chandeliers, and turn towards the doorway in the back of the room that leads towards the dining room. As I clear the doorway, Cassie decides she wants to go her own way and drops to the ground, wriggling under the table and out of sight. Tim catches up, but he's on the other side of the dining room table and I grin at him.
"Can't catch me!" I tease. He runs the long way around the table and I mirror him, running in the same direction so he's not catching up. He turns the other way and I do too.
"Dick!" Tim whines. I wink at him. He throws himself over the top of the table, sliding over the wood and making the flower arrangement in the giant glass vase shake.
"Whoa, Tim! Breakables!" I grab the vase long enough to steady it, then sprint away a second before Tim's hand can tag me. He runs after me through the hallway, but I'm gaining speed and he's not going to catch up. Stephanie sticks her head out of the door that leads to the service corridor and shouts, "Na na na boo boo, you can't catch me!"
Tim tries to change direction mid-step, but his feet slide too far on the slippery wood floors and he goes down hard with a bang.
"OW!" He wails, curling into a ball.
"Tim!" Stephanie and I run towards him. My heart pounds, the adrenaline of the game replaced with worry. "Are you okay?"
"Owwwwwww." Tim cries, doubled over in pain. Shit, this is why Bruce always says not to run in the hallways. Did he hit his head? Or dislocate his shoulder?
"Oh shoot, Tim, I'm so sorry. Do you think anything's broken?"
"Mmmhmmm." Tim mumbles, eyes closed tightly. I bend down, looking for any bones or joints that look horribly out of place or any signs of bruising, but Tim's foot slams into my shin. Totally off balance, I fall backwards onto my butt.
"You're it!" He shouts, slapping my shoulder and running off. Stephanie cackles and scrambles in the other direction.
"Oh, you little-" I jump up and chase after him, "TIM! That's not funny!"
"Uh, it's hilarious." Jason says, hitting the buttons on his DS to shut it down and tossing it on an alcove next to a priceless vase. "You're such a sucker."
"You know what else is hilarious?" I ask.
"Your face?"
"You're it!" I shout, lunging forwards. Jason ducks out of the way and takes off running.
"Not today, Goldie!" He shouts.
"Get back here!"
"Pass!"
I run through the entrance hall and see Stephanie looking down from the second-floor balcony.
"First floor only!" I call.
"You can't get me on the stairs." She counters.
"Fine. I don't need to."
"I get ten seconds immunity coming off."
"Five."
"Eight."
"Three."
"Five."
"Okay, five."
She slowly makes her way to the bottom stair. I step back, getting ready to chase her.
"Five seconds." She reminds me. I hold up my hands innocently. Stephanie sprints for the hallway, and I give her two seconds before I catch up and tag her on the shoulder.
"Dick! No fair!"
"Sorry, I'm bad at counting."
"You're still it."
"Fine. I'm it." I reach out and tap her on the head. "Now you're it. No tag-backs!"
I run towards the ballroom where I saw Jason duck inside. Tim'll probably be there too.
Tag lasts until Jason faceplants into the game room's carpet and refuses to move. Stephanie immediately decides that tag is boring and announces that we're all watching a movie. Nobody has any objections.
"Okay, what movie are we watching?" I ask, opening up the massive DVD cabinet.
"Care bears!" Cassie cheers.
"No!" Jason vetoes immediately.
"I love Care Bears!" Stephanie agrees.
"Care Bear Stare!" Tim shouts, and he, Steph and Cassie put their hands on their hips, puff out their chests and blow raspberries until their faces turn red. Jason hides his face in his hands and shakes his head in embarrassment. Not sure when they made that inside joke, but it's pretty funny. How many more inside jokes am I going to miss when I'm gone?
"No Care Bears." Jason demands. That's enough to knock me out of my thoughts. I blow a raspberry at him and he throws a pillow at me.
"Let's play the ejecting game." Tim says.
"You mean objecting." Stephanie points out.
"No, it's the ejecting game, cause if you don't like the movie you take it out and put a new one in."
"But you're Objecting to the movie," Stephanie argues.
"No, I'm Ejecting! Dick, tell her!"
"Sorry Timmy, Steph's right. You're objecting." I say.
"But it's the ejecting GAME!" Tim objects.
"Yeah, Goldie, he's saying that's the name of the game. I'm with Timbo."
Jason and Tim high-five. Tears prick at my eyes; I'm the stupidest person in the world. I've been so busy with everything else that I haven't spent any time with my family. And now that I am, I can't stop thinking about how it's my last chance. I'm probably never going to them again.
Stop it. Leaving is the only way to keep them safe. Just enjoy the fact that I'm here with them now.
"Alright, so let's agree here. We're objecting to the movies we don't want, but it's called the ejecting Game. Everyone happy?"
"No." Stephanie crosses her arms.
"Sounds like a you problem." Jason shoots back.
"It's the OBJECTING game! Not EJECTING!" She yells.
"Guys! Let's pick a name later, and a movie now. Or I'm picking the movie and none of you are going to like it." I step in before the fight really starts.
"Care bears." Stephanie says immediately.
"I eject!" Jason answers.
"It's object!"
"Doesn't matter! I don't want to watch it."
"Then you have to pick something else."
"Crocodile hunter!" Jason says.
"I object!" Tim calls. "I want Mulan!"
"No! Watch Care Bears!"
"Cassie, we already objected that one." I tell her.
"No!" She shouts back.
"The Incredibles!" Stephanie suggests before Cassie gets upset.
"I'm good with that," I second. Cassie nods too.
"Okay." Tim says.
We all look at Jason, who shrugs and stands up.
"Popcorn?" He asks.
"With M&M's!"
"Duh." He disappears down the hallway towards the kitchen.
"I want apple slices!" Tim shouts after him.
"Get them yourself!" Jason yells back. Tim grumbles but gets up anyways. I dig the movie out of the cabinet, climbing up onto the shelves to pull it off the top row. While I put it in, Stephanie runs off to grab blankets and pillows from her room. Cassie climbs onto the couch and burps loudly, then laughs like it's the funniest joke in the world.
I push two couches together to make a massive couch-bed and adjust the lights to theater setting so the room is dark except for the lights right over the tv. Stephanie returns with a pile of blankets as big as she is and sets to work making a nest on the couch. Grabbing the remote, I sit next to Cassie on the end and Steph climbs in next to me.
Jason and Tim have two bowls of popcorn each when they come back. Jason hands me one and says, "This one's rosemary and garlic oil. That one's sage and tarragon, and that one has cheese. Alfred says there's more if we finish it."
It smells amazing, but Steph and Cass look the way I feel. Sometimes you just want butter and chocolate.
Then Jason holds out the last popcorn bowl and grins, "Also, M&M's."
"Mine!" We all shout at the same time.
Halfway through the movie, I look over to see Jason staring at me.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Why are you staring at me?"
"I'm not!"
I raise my eyebrow. He shrugs and looks away sullenly. Without looking over, he asks, "Did it hurt?"
My stomach tightens and I look down, even though the bruises on my neck are long gone. Still, moving hurt like hell for a few days and covering the bruises with performance-grade stage makeup and concealers and high-collared shirt was not fun. If any of my teachers had seen them, they would've called Child Protective Services in a second.
"A little. But it's fine now."
"Is it… you know, worth it?"
On screen, Dash realizes he can run on water and speeds away from the spray of machine-gun fire. It's Wally's favorite part of the movie. I think about everything I've done as Robin, all the trouble I've gotten into. There's been so many times where Batman or my teammates had to come save me, and almost as many when I saved them. And I can't even begin to count the number of people I saved along the way.
"Yeah. It is."
"Even when you get hurt? Or when stuff goes bad?" Jason asks.
"Sometimes it's harder than other times." I answer, not taking my eyes off the screen. I take a deep breath but it doesn't stop my eyes from stinging with tears. But I can't start crying, not here and not now. They can't know that anything is wrong. I have to just disappear or they'll all be in danger.
"I want to be out there."
I look at him sharply. He shrugs uncomfortably, but doesn't turn away.
"You and Bruce are out there every night fighting to keep people safe. I just… I want to help."
"Jay, it's really dangerous."
"I know. That's what Bruce said too. But you've been out there since you were way younger than I am now and—"
"And I've gotten hurt." I snap. Jason pulls back, frowning at me. Stephanie lets out a loud snore and we both freeze.
"Then why is it okay for you but I'm not allowed to?!" Jason hisses.
Because nobody let me be Robin. I snuck out of the manor through my bedroom window and climbed thirty feet down a tree in the dark, got myself to the city on foot, and tracked down Tony Zucco by myself. I escaped Batman in a chase across the city, and when he finally cornered me, I stared him down and told him there was nothing that could stop me from hunting down my family's murderer.
But I can't tell Jason that. I'm giving up everything to keep him safe. There's no way in hell I'm letting him risk his life just because he's a little jealous.
"If you're thinking like that, then that just proves you're not ready." I frown.
"What's wrong with you?"
"I don't know, maybe the fact that I don't want you get to get blown up or shot—"
"No, Dick, it's not about that." Jason interrupts me. "You're being so weird. You just disappear sometimes, and you never give anyone a real answer, and you freak out over the stupidest things! Like when we were at the grocery store and you thought I'd actually tell Bruce about you sneaking out. Or when your phone went off during dinner with Aunt Diana."
"Jason…"
"And how about the day all the adults disappeared? Where the hell were you? Because you weren't with the Team and you didn't bother answering your stupid phone for three hours!"
"Jay."
"No! I'm not stupid, okay? I know something's up and I want to know what it is. Sue me!"
I could yell. I could get mad and shout at him and wake everyone up and risk letting something out that I can't afford to. But the thing is, he's my brother and he's worried about me. He's calling me out on the things everyone else missed. It's really hard to be mad about that.
"Come on, Dick, please."
"Look, Jay. I can't talk about it. Not because I don't want to and… not because you're wrong, but I really don't even know where start."
"The beginning."
"No, that's… I'm just dealing with a lot right now and it's overwhelming sometimes, but I've got it under control."
"Are you-" Jason cuts off and tries again. "You know if you need it, I'm here."
"Thanks. You know, I don't care what they say. You're a good kid."
"Don't call me a kid! You're like two years older than me."
"Yeah, I'm old. I'll call you whatever I want."
"Alright. Dick."
"Real original."
"What? It's just your name."
"Shut up."
Tim, Cassie and Steph are fast asleep when the movie finishes, so Jason and I put on The Godfather. We're halfway through when there are muffled voice and footsteps in the hallway outside. Bruce and Selina walk in together, and Selina covers her hand with her mouth to hide the fact that she's basically cooing. I look over at Steph and Cassie, who are curled up together and snoring quietly, and I grin too.
They are super cute.
Bruce walks behind me and messes up my hair.
"Did Alfred tell you that you could watch it?" He sounds stern, but the fake kind where he's actually just messing with you.
"He didn't not tell me to." I grin. "Don't worry, they were already asleep, and I think Jason's heard the word 'Fuck' before."
"Who me? Never. I'm an angel." Jason says.
Selina laughs.
"How was date night?" Jason asks. Selina glows and Bruce smiles at her. It's the kind of smile that usually only exists when he's around us. I don't like that it's aimed at her, but it's nice to see him happy. Really nice.
"It was a lot of fun." Selina answers. "Good food."
"Better company."
"Could've done without the waiter staring at my boobs, but watching this one," she flicks a finger at Bruce with a mischievous grin, "spill an entire bottle of wine on him 'accidentally' more than made up for it. Almost as good as throwing him out a window."
"You did?!" Jason's eyes light up as he grins at Bruce.
"Selina!"
"What? You were defending my honor, it was very sweet." There's an instant shift and everything about her from her voice to her stance is pure Catwoman.
Bruce sighs.
"Please don't corrupt my children."
"I make no promises." She kisses him on the cheek. "I'll see you upstairs."
"Room for one more?" Bruce asks. Jason slides over and makes room for Bruce to sit. I stare back over the couch, watching Selina head upstairs. Before I can think, I'm on my feet.
"Where are you going?" Jason asks.
"Bathroom," I say convincingly.
"I'm not pausing it."
"Jason." Bruce sighs.
"No, it's fine. I've seen this part already."
Trying my best to sprint silently up the stairs and down the hallways, I catch up to Selina outside of her suite.
"Selina, wait."
She turns around with a concerned frown.
"Is everything okay, Dick?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything." Selina nods seriously.
"I… you'll watch out for Bruce, right?"
"Of course." She smiles and her eyes soften. She crouches down so we're at eye-level. "I'll do anything for him."
"Keep him safe. And happy."
She smiles, letting out a soft exhale that passes as a laugh. "I don't know that anyone can promise that, but I will do everything in my power. That, I promise you."
"Thank you."
"Goodnight, Dick."
I swallow.
"Bye, Selina."
Gotham Academy Library
Friday, December 17th
"Dick, what did you get for number seven?" Artemis repeats, waving her paper in front of my face in annoyance. I snap back to attention.
"Sorry, I guess I'm just a little distracted. Uh… what number was it again?"
"Seven." Artemis states in annoyance. "Look, Dick, if you don't want to help me that's totally fine. But it's really not helpful for you to ignore everything I say to you."
"No, I do want to help!" I scan my work, "For number seven, I said twelve pi minus seventeen."
Artemis writes that down before checking her work to see what went wrong.
"And what about number eight?"
"Dick?" She repeats.
"What?"
"I asked what you got for number eight."
"Oh! Sorry. Negative pi over two."
"How did you get that?"
"Switch x and y and integrate with respect to y first."
"Ohhh," Artemis turns to a new piece of paper and starts working on the problem.
"Dick!"
"What?!" I jump.
Artemis's paper is full of equations and the people who were sitting around us are gone.
"Are you okay?" Artemis stares at me. I shake my head and look back at her.
"Uh, yeah. Just a little distracted."
"No kidding. What's going on?"
"It's not important."
Artemis raises her eyebrows and says incredulously, "Kind of seems like it might be. Seriously, Dick, I've never seen you this spaced out before. Spill it."
I can't help myself. Even as civilians, she's got my back. I really don't deserve a friend like her; especially since I'm planning a disappearing act that's going to hurt her too. Badly. She'll be okay, though. She always is. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to hurt her and I feel horrible about it. I have to. Slade almost took out her kneecap and she's still limping. It took her almost ten minutes to meet me in the library for our free period. This will keep her safe too.
"Weekend plans." I say vaguely. "There's a big chance everything will fall apart and I just need everything to work out."
"I'm sure it'll be fine. And if it doesn't, you're great at thinking on your feet."
"I hope you're right."
"Course I am. I'm always right."
It takes all my willpower not to say, "You sure about that?" or spell out r-e-a-l-l-y? Artemis can't know my secret ID. The fewer people that know, the safer everyone will be.
"Alright, enough moping around. Seriously, you're worse than Wally."
I can't help the smirk on my face.
"Who's Wally?" The smirk gets bigger. If she knew that I'm Robin, she'd kill me for this. If she ever tells Wally about it, he might kill me for her, best friend code aside. "Is he your boyfriend?"
"Ugh, no! Why are you such a dweeb?" She smacks my shoulder, but she's definitely blushing. "He's my friend from… uh… Gotham North."
Wow. For the daughter of two professional assassins who was also trained by League of Shadow assassins, Artemis is so bad at lying.
"You're a terrible liar, Arty."
"Don't call me Arty! And I'm not lying."
"Suuuuure. You're just blushing because it's hot in here?"
"Shut up."
"Wally and Artemis, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S—ow!"
"Are you done?" Artemis raises an eyebrow, raising her fist again.
"-I-N-G." I finish quickly, shooting her a grin. I rub my arm where she hit it, more for show than anything else. "Okay, now I'm done."
"You are so annoying." Artemis scoffs. "Why do I put up with you?"
"Because I'm adorable?"
"You wish."
I shrug, still grinning.
"It was worth a try. It always works for Stephanie."
"Who's Stephanie?"
"My little sister."
"Oh. I always forget you have like fifty siblings."
"Four." I correct her.
"Do you guys get along?"
"Yeah. Steph and Jay fight the most, but they never really get mad at each other. They just like to fight. But I think for the most part we're just glad to have each other."
Artemis nods but there's a frown on her face that she can't quite hide.
"Do you have any siblings?" I ask, even though I already know the whole Crock/Nguyen family history.
"One sister."
"Older or younger?"
"Older. She's, uh… kind an asshole really." She looks around to confirm that nobody's listening in on the conversation. Artemis turns back to me with a frown before taking a deep breath. "Look, don't tell anyone about this, okay?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Jade, she… left home when my mom went to prison. Packed a bag and left me with dad. And dad is…" She lets out a huff, shaking her head while her eyebrows raise like she's reliving a highlight reel of shitty moments with her dad. Sportsmaster. I really don't blame her. "Anyway, we used to be closer when I was little, but I haven't seen her since."
"That sucks."
"No, she's an ass. I just… it's nice that your family is close."
I swallow. My family is close; that's why it's going to hurt them so badly when I never come home tonight. It's one in the afternoon. After free period ends, I have my last English class, maybe the last one ever. It's my last chance to talk to Babs. Then Alfred is picking me up and I have to pretend that everything is fine. I have six hours until my life might as well be over; Dick Grayson's life anyway. And best-case scenario, my family will never know what happened to me.
"Yeah. Yeah, it is."
When I look up, Artemis is staring at me.
"Seriously, Dick, are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I am. Fine. Really." Artemis doesn't look convinced, but she doesn't say anything. "Thank you for asking though. You're a really good friend."
"Of course. And if you need anything, well, I'm here."
"I know."
There's an awkward silence.
"Uh, here's your pen back." She holds it out.
"Keep it. Something to remember me by." I shoot her my best cheesy grin so she knows I'm kidding. Artemis rolls her eyes. There's a smile on her face as she puts the pen in her bag.
"You're so weird, Grayson."
The bell rings and we all pack our stuff. Babs has a glare on her face that could melt steel. Uncle Clark better watch out.
"Two essays due next week? What's wrong with her?!" Babs scowls, storming down the hallway.
"At least we don't have to do any reading this week." I offer.
"I would way rather read A Tale of Two Cities than write an essay. Doesn't McKendrick get that we have better stuff to do with our life than write essays all the time?"
I almost laugh out loud. Babs would probably tackle me if I told her I'm never going to submit them… let alone write them. Honestly, I'd give anything to write the essays instead of turning myself over to a psychopathic mercenary hell-bent on ruining my life and turning me into a murderer. Really a tough call for which one is worse.
"You'll get it done, Babs. You're a great writer."
"Getting it done doesn't mean it'll be good."
"Well, you know what they say. C's get degrees."
"C's don't get you into Harvard!"
"Fair. But you know what does?"
"What? Hard work and an ungodly number of extracurriculars?"
"Don't be silly. Massive donations from your wealthy parents slash foster dad."
"Oh, of course." Babs nods a few times, lips pressed together into a dopey grin. "Academia sure is corrupt. I hope there's not some big scandal someday about parents buying their kids way into fancy colleges."
"I'm sure there won't be. I mean, recruiting for athletes is totally unfair and nobody really cares about that, right? And it's not like parents are paying for other people to take the SAT and ACT for their kids and send in super high test scores on their applications either."
"Right." Babs nods. "Why were we talking about this?"
"I don't remember."
"Cool. Do you want to hang out tonight? We can work on our essays and eat lemon bars that dad brought home from the precinct."
"Hard pass on the lemon bars."
"Good call."
"I can't come over though."
"Really?"
"I'm really sorry, I have stuff to do. But I'll definitely be free next time." I lie.
"You always have stuff to do." Babs whines. "Please?"
"Babs, I'm really sorry. I can't."
Babs sighs.
"No, it's fine. I get it. You're busy, I'm busy, we both have these stupid papers to write. I just can't wait for break. We'll hang out then."
"Right." Before I can stop myself, I say, "I'm going to miss you."
"What? Are you going somewhere?"
Shit. I'm an idiot, why did I say that?
"I meant this weekend. When I'm sitting in my room, writing the papers alone."
Babs laughs.
"Yeah, you too." She nods at the limo that just pulled up in front of the school. "Looks like Alfred's here."
"Do you want a ride?"
"No, it's okay. I have to stay for my gymnastics meet."
"Bye Babs." She looks surprised when I lean in to hug her, but only for a second. "You're gonna do great."
"Hey Alfred," I call as I slide into the back of the limousine. I pull off my backpack and throw it on the seat next to me.
"Good afternoon Master Richard. How was your day?"
"Not bad. My English teacher really liked my last essay, which was awesome. She also gave us two more, which was more 'some' and less 'awe.' Dr. Phillips assigned a lab report and there's a history test on Monday too."
"That sounds like quite the undertaking for one weekend. I trust you will make sure to prioritize sleep."
"I get enough sleep, Alf. I don't need that much."
Alfred makes a sound that could almost be a scoff. "Despite what Master Bruce seems to think, five hours of sleep is not sufficient for anyone, let alone for a growing boy. I expect you to be getting at least seven hours."
"Yeah, you're right."
I stare out the window as the city passes by. It's kind of funny. With everything that's wrong with me, I'm really not that tired. Alfred is right; I should be getting more sleep but somehow, five hours feels like plenty.
Maybe that's what Parasite was talking about. I haven't forgotten that he called me a lab experiment. Between that and the tree and how fast the bruises on my neck faded, there's definitely something wrong with me. Just another thing to confront Slade about. That one can probably wait, though. I'll have plenty of time to ask him about it when I'm trapped in his lair for the rest of my life.
"Master Richard, if I might, you're being very quiet today. Is everything alright?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm just tired."
"Forgive me if I have my doubts." Alfred says. I look up to see that he's watching me in the rearview mirror, one eyebrow raised in a pointed arch.
"About what?" I ask, trying to sound confused and tired and pretend that I'm not panicking. I'm so close, I can't blow it now. Of course Alfred knows me well enough to see through my act.
"I've dare say I've seen you in all manner of exhaustion and you're unusually meditative for even those circumstances."
"I'm fine."
I hear a sigh of frustration from the driver's seat.
"At the risk of repeating myself, is something the matter?"
"No, I'm fine. I just… it's been a couple late nights of patrols. Between Two-Face and Killer Croc, it's been a crazy week."
"Then perhaps I should insist that there are no patrols on school nights."
"No!" I shout, before catching myself. "I can't do that. Crime doesn't stop because I have school, and it won't stop Batman from going out. And you know that Batman needs Robin."
There's a long pause. We pass through the city and the buildings begin to give way to thick trees. We'll be back at the manor in five minutes. I wait for Alfred to respond, but he doesn't. I settle back in the seat and stare out the window. Suddenly, the car starts to slow down.
"Alfred? What are you doing?"
The limo pulls to a stop and Alfred turns around to look at me. I meet his gaze and for the first time in months, I really look at him. He looks exhausted and the wrinkle lines on his face have never looked more prominent. More than anything, he looks worried.
"I fear that this conversation is long overdue."
"What conversation?" I lean forwards, so that Alfred doesn't have to strain to see me. "Is something wrong?"
"Do you know why I allowed Master Bruce to embark on his self-destructive quest despite the enormous risk to his health?"
Slowly, I shake my head and pretend my stomach isn't sinking.
"It was because I hoped that he would eventually move beyond his obsession for twisted justice and find happiness in his life. I knew he would never be able to heal unless it was on his own terms, so I knew I would help him best by standing at his side."
Alfred reaches out and grasps my hand in one of his. His grip is firm, like he's trying to convey the urgency of his words through it.
"You are like a grandson to me, Richard. I would do anything to see you safe."
I feel a lump in my throat start to build. "Alfred…"
He cuts me off.
"You are correct, of course. Batman needs Robin. But not for the reason you think. I'm afraid that you still see Master Bruce as he was when you first came to us; perpetually grieving and obsessed with his mission. That Batman needed Robin to protect him from himself. That is simply not the case anymore. Master Bruce has found happiness. He has gained something that he had not had in a heartbreakingly long time: a family. He has you and Jason and Timothy and Stephanie and Cassandra and Miss Kyle. And you've all changed him, I daresay for the better. When Batman dons his cowl, it is to protect the innocent, not to punish himself eternally for the tragedy in his youth."
He squeezes my hand tightly. "Master Richard, Batman needs Robin because there is no one he trusts more to fight by his side and because he needs a bit of sunlight to remind him that his world is more than just darkness. What Batman absolutely does not need is a partner who overworks himself, constantly pushing himself past all reasonable limits and refuses to take care of himself. I fear that while Master Bruce has rediscovered life, you have begun to fall into his old habits. I stood by when he closed himself away and put vigilantism above everything else and make no mistake Richard, I will not stand by and let you do the same."
He pauses for a second, still staring me dead in the eye.
"Do you understand me?"
I shake my head, unable to find the words to express what I'm feeling right now. He's right. Bruce has gotten his life back. He has more than just his cowl and quest for justice. He has a family, a girlfriend, a job that he enjoys, and real friends in the Justice League.
And me?
I could be happy too. But instead, I have a mercenary holding my family's safety and secrets over my head. I'm choosing to throw everything away to stop him from hurting anyone else. I'm the only one who has to lose.
"I can't stop being Robin. He's… all I have left."
I have to do this. Slade is never going to stop coming after me. He's never going to let me go. If I tell Bruce about him and he tries to stop it, Slade will want revenge. If I turn myself over, there's a chance I can convince him to leave everyone else out of it. But when I disappear, I'll lose everything. Robin is the only thing I'll leave behind, the only thing I ever did that made a difference in the world. The only thing that will prove I ever existed at all.
The pressure on my hand disappears and I hear car doors opening and closing. A weight settles on the seat next to me as Alfred wraps his arms around me in a tight hug.
"You are not alone, Richard."
His voice is filled with love. There's no judgement, no ulterior motive, no threat; nothing but acceptance and kindness. Tears drip out of my eyes and slide down my face.
"I'm scared." I whisper.
"That's perfectly all right." Alfred answers, squeezing me even tighter. "But you don't have to shoulder this burden alone."
Even though I want to believe him with all my soul, I know he's wrong.
I have to do this.
I look around my room one last time. The bed is made, my clothes are either hanging in the walk-in closet or in the laundry bin, and my notebooks and papers are in tidy stacks on my desk. Everything is perfectly neat, just like Alfred taught me. My parents used to say the same thing; everything has a place it belongs and that place isn't the floor.
My laptop is sitting on my bed, right where I'd leave it if I had to leave the room for a minute. Bruce will figure out that it's a clue and hopefully he'll know where to look. In case anything happens to it, there are three copies of my hard drive hidden through the room. One's in my desk drawer just waiting to be found. Everything I know about Slade is on that drive if Bruce can just figure out where I hid the file.
I've finished everything I need to do. I wish there was a way to hide a GPS tracker on me, but there's no way to get it to Wally or to let him know when my family is out of danger. Besides, the more stuff I try, the higher the chance is that Slade retaliates.
There's just one thing left.
Peanut the elephant sits on my desk, right under the framed Flying Graysons poster. The poster was a Hanukah present from Bruce the first year I lived with him. If there was any way to take it with me, I would do it in a heartbeat, but I can't. Instead, I pick up Peanut and gently place her into my otherwise empty backpack. There's a chance Slade will take her away, but I'm losing everything else. I have to take something with me to remember my family. Besides, when Slade sees the toy, he'll know that I really mean it; I'm never going back home.
My phone alarm goes off. It's six thirty. Slade is expecting me in half an hour. I listen to it ring for a few seconds before my thumb disables the alarm. There's nothing else left to do. It's time to go. I sling my backpack over my shoulder and head downstairs. I can hear the tv in the background; Tim and Steph are watching Mulan again. I would give anything to go watch it with them. Instead, I pass through the kitchen where Alfred is chopping vegetables for a massive pot of stew.
"I'm going out for a little while."
"Where are you off to?" He asks lightly. An hour ago, I thought he was onto me, but now there's not even a hint of suspicion in his voice.
"I'm driving myself to Babs' apartment. We're working on our English essays and then playing video games."
"Very well. Enjoy yourself, and do give Miss Gordon and the commissioner my best."
"No problem. Bye Alfred."
The only thing harder than making it through the conversation is walking away like my heart isn't shattering into a million pieces.
The Haunt, Gotham City
I stand in front of the garage, my heart sticking in my throat. It's a cold day with a gray sky and slushy brown remains of snow on the ground. Not exactly a beautiful day, but it might as well be a sunset on the beach in Hawaii. My hands are shaking and it has almost nothing to do with the windchill.
I don't know what's going to happen. Just that it could be a long time before I see the sun again. Or at least… the clouds.
I might only get one chance to tell him to fuck off and I plan to make the most of it. With one last deep breath of sort-of fresh air, I unlock the garage door and slip inside. It's empty again. The sign in the window says "Closed for Repairs." It's not surprising. Slade doesn't need the set dressing now that I know he's evil. The door closes behind me with a click, and I bolt the lock shut. Hopefully Slade will understand the gesture. I make my way through the office and down the hidden staircase, but I stop when I get to the passcode-protected door.
This is it. This is my last chance to turn around. And there aren't enough words in the universe to say how badly I don't want to do this.
The door is silver and reflects the light from the overheads set into the ceiling. I stare at the door for so long I half expect Slade to barge through it and demand to know why I've turned into a statue. Finally, I can't put it off any longer. I type in the passcode and the door unlocks with a loud thud. The sound echoes off the walls and makes my ears ring. When the door opens, I stare into the twisting hallways of Slade's hideout. For a second, I think about just opening doors at random and getting myself lost in the maze. I can't even imagine the look on Slade's face if I told him I got lost trying to find his office. On the other hand, knowing my luck I would accidentally find a shortcut to the office and get to my doom even quicker.
If I've learned anything, it's that I have the worst luck of anyone on the planet.
With a last look at the staircase behind me, I step through the door into the Haunt. The door slams shut behind me with a bang that nearly makes me go deaf. Just to see what happens, I try the door handle. It doesn't move.
I'm trapped.
Breathe in, hold it for five seconds, breathe out. Instead of trying to get myself lost, I settle for walking slowly and going my normal route. On one hand, taking my time feels like a victory in its own right. A nice, big middle finger to Slade and his whole "be on time, or else!" philosophy. On the other hand, it's just stretching the time out even more. I want this over with as soon as possible.
Finally, I get to Slade's office. Without further ado, I push the door open.
"You're late." Slade says. He's sitting at his desk, arms crossed as he leans back in his chair.
"Wow. Someone's observant." I take off my backpack and lean it against the wall. Breathe in, hold for five seconds, breathe out. Is it just me, or is my heartbeat loud enough for Slade to hear? "You know how long it takes to find parking around here?"
"Care to explain why you were late?" Slade's voice freezes to ice, dropping the temperature of the room about three degrees. I shrug, keeping my shoulders relaxed to look apathetic.
"Nah, I think I'm good."
I can feel Slade's mood change from annoyed to fully pissed off. Here we go.
"What do you think you're doing, Richard?" He growls. My stomach tightens but I force myself to ignore it. Forcing a razor-sharp grin onto my face, I turn around and look Slade right in the eye.
"I'm trying to piss you off. Is it working?"
"Very much so."
"Great! You know, it's really the least I can do after you tried to kill my friends!" The last words come out as a furious shout. The sound bounces off the walls. My heart pounds with anger and it pulses all the way down to my fingertips. My hands tighten into fists that shake with rage.
"Ah. I suppose I should have expected a tantrum." Slade presses his hands onto the desk as he stands up. One of his eyebrows rises slightly; a disappointed accusation that somehow makes me feel like a toddler who lied about eating all the cookies. The fact that he can make me feel like that so easily just pisses me off even more.
"A tantrum?! You shot Wally! You almost killed M'gann!"
"It was necessary."
"How the fuck was it necessary?!"
"Watch your tone."
"No! Fuck you, Slade, I'm done! When you hurt my friends, you broke your end of the deal. That means I don't have to do SHIT for you anymore!"
Slade scoffs.
"Your impeccable reasoning has a flaw."
"Oh, well then please bless me with your wisdom!" I shout, forcing as much sarcasm out into the world as I can.
"Gladly. You seem to have forgotten that you broke the deal first."
"No, I didn't!"
"Then I suppose you didn't tell Wally about our arrangement?"
"Maybe I did." I growl. The spark of fury ignites a wave of furious confidence. "But that doesn't change the fact that you're a bastard and a piece of shit."
Slade's eye narrows in fury and I wait for the blow, but nothing happens. I hear a barely controlled exhale and then he growls, "You broke your end of the deal. You should be incredibly thankful that I have held to mine."
"Yeah, I'm sure you shot Wally out of the goodness of your heart! And how about almost burning M'gann to death?! Or giving Conner kryptonite poisoning?! Or Artemis's kneecap?"
"Would you have preferred that I killed them?"
"Fuck you! I'm done with this! Guess what, Slade? I'm not working for you anymore."
Slade's hand shoots out, catching me around the throat and slamming me against the wall. Just like at S.T.A.R. labs. His fingers even close over the same bruises. He let me push a lot farther than I thought I'd get.
"I'm afraid I can't allow that."
I meet his eye, letting my eyes narrow into a challenge.
"I don't give a shit what you'll allow. You're a monster."
"If you want any chance to ever see Wayne or your friends again, you will apologize for your insolence immediately!" He spits, eye narrowed in rage.
"You really need some new material." I grab his hands and wrench them off my neck with as much force as I can. It's a testament to how stunned Slade is that he lets it happen. "You said I'm on borrowed time? That I only get to live with Bruce or be with my family because you allow it? Fine. I don't want anything from you."
Slade's face is a blank mask and I can't find any of his tells. There's no way to tell if he's pissed off or even more angry than that. I hold my ground, waiting for him to make a move. The silence ticks by and the only sound is my own heartbeat in my ears. Finally, Slade looks at my backpack leaning innocently against the wall. Watching his face, I can see the instant when he figures out what my plan is. He turns back to look at me. My heart pounds.
"What's in your bag?" He asks slowly, his voice and body language still an unreadable blank.
"See for yourself."
He grabs my backpack. I tense as he pulls out a faded stuffed elephant by its ears, and despite the fact that this is the most dangerous game of chicken I've ever played in my life, I'm worried that he's going to destroy the only reminder I have of my family. But instead of ripping the toy apart just to be an asshole, he stares at it. The look on his face is so surprising I almost miss it. Slade looks absolutely shocked.
Then things get weird. Slade laughs.
Not a Joker-psychopath-screech laugh or a monologuing villain about-to-reveal-a-death-trap laugh, but an honest to god chuckle. He stands there, holding Peanut in his hands while he just… laughs.
My brain stalls out.
"Well done, Richard." Slade says. "You really are something else."
What the hell is going on? Why is he laughing? Did I just unlock some new level of fury they don't even have a word for?
"Just when I think I've managed to put out all the fires, you do something that I never saw coming." He shakes his head. "I thought I understood you. I thought you would do whatever it took to stay with your family. Whatever it took to keep being the hero. But I underestimated your need to self-sacrifice. I should've known that you would rather face me alone than risk the lives of your loved ones."
He sighs, stepping back like he's trying to get a better look at me. I steel myself for whatever he's going to say next.
"You never expected to leave this meeting, did you?"
That's a question I can answer.
"I know I'm not."
"Then might I ask, what exactly did you hope to accomplish?"
I draw myself up and look him in the eye. I'm done being intimidated by him.
"I wanted you to know that I'm done doing what you want. I know I'm not leaving here. Maybe my friends will find me someday, maybe they'll take you out once and for all, or maybe they won't. Maybe I'll be stuck with you forever. But there's one thing I do know; I'm done letting you threaten the people I care about and I'm done being scared of you. So do your worst."
"And hypothetically, what would stop me from going after your loved ones now? It would be especially easy with you here in my custody."
Thank god I thought this through. I knew he would ask that, and it's only because of how many times I rehearsed this that I can get the words out. Slade is bluffing. I have to call him out on it right now or I'll lose everything.
"Because Batman doesn't know where I am."
"And why should that matter?"
"You know why I was late? I parked my bike at the train station. Left Batman an apology note, told him I was going back to the circus. As far as he knows, I just ran away. If you hurt anyone, if you touch a single hair on any of my family's head, that will be enough for him to figure out that you're responsible for my disappearance. It'll be personal." I clench my jaw. "He'll come for you. There's nothing in the world that can stop him from avenging the people he cares about."
Slade doesn't say anything, he just keeps his scrutinizing gaze on me.
"You don't want Batman after you." I say. "Why risk it by going after them? Especially when I'm already right here. It's not like you don't have a million other ways to torture me."
"Is that what you want? For me to hurt you?" Slade asks, his voice soft like the shallow tide before a tsunami hits.
"What I want? I want you to leave me alone and never bother me again!"
"I can't do that."
"And why the fuck not?!"
"Aside from the fact that you agreed to work for me, I took an enormous risk when I saved your life. I put everything on the line to do it. I abandoned a contract to prevent those men from shooting you. It has taken years to begin to undo the fallout from that decision, to make amends and have the bounties on my head expunged. I am not an altruistic man. You cannot even begin to imagine the investment that I have put into you. That being said, I truly don't want to force you to obey me. I have tried using brute force to keep you in line and I regret it immensely. I am sorry for hurting you, and I recognize the consequences my actions have had on your overall well-being."
Bullshit.
"If you're really sorry, you'll let me go."
"Unfortunately, your role as my apprentice is non-negotiable. That being said, it's clear that the original terms of our agreement are no longer appropriate. We've both pushed the boundaries of what was agreed to. I am willing to…" He pauses mid-sentence, placing Peanut gently onto my desk before looking back at me, "Renegotiate the terms to come to an arrangement where we both benefit."
"Benefit?! The only reason I'm here is because you're blackmailing me! I don't want to be your apprentice and I don't want to work for you anymore."
"Blackmail is an ugly word."
"So is your face."
"Richard, I suggest that you take this seriously."
"You think I'm not?! You shot my best friend! You almost killed M'gann and you hurt Artemis and Conner! You ruined my life! You've been blackmailing me and threatening and manipulating me since I was eleven and you… I don't care what you do to me anymore. Do you understand that? I didn't come here because you told me to, I came here to tell you that I'm done. I'm not working for you anymore."
"As I've reminded you, that's not negotiable. However, I do want us to have an amicable relationship. Under conditions where you can thrive, you are a phenomenally talented student."
"That's never going to happen."
"We are in negotiations, Richard. Think like a businessman. You have an opportunity to state your terms. I will only make you this offer once, and only out of respect for the fact that you managed to outmaneuver me. If you don't want to negotiate, then I'm perfectly willing to do this the hard way. You're already acquainted with the detention facilities in this hideout; I assure you they will not be nearly as pleasant as they were the first time around."
The terror in the pit of my stomach makes me hesitate. No matter tempting it sounds to make a new deal, to believe that there's a way Slade won't torture me, to trust what he's saying, I know better. He only does things if he can benefit. Whatever the reason is, he doesn't want to do this "the hard way." He wants me to make a deal. That means I can't give in.
"I'm done working for you." I frown. Slade crosses his arms over his chest.
"You need to consider that there is a lot that you can gain from a willing partnership."
"What, like it'll be good to put on my resume?" I spit.
"I told you that you're not the mole. But would you like to be?"
"Are you kidding me?! That's how you're gonna try and convince me?"
"Not for the Light, of course, but for the League."
I freeze.
"Wait, what?"
"You already know that the Light has several ways in place to steal information from the League and manipulate the team. Would you like to even the score?"
I frown at him, but my heart is pounding.
"…how?"
"As the Light's plans evolve to include me, you'll be privy to plenty of information that would be of phenomenal assistance to the League. As long as the world sees Renegade as the dutiful apprentice by my side, I see no issue in allowing Robin to pass sensitive information along to the heroes."
"And when the Light figures out they have a leak? One that conveniently started around the time I showed up? What then?"
Slade bares his teeth in a grin that shoots ice into the pit of my stomach.
"I'll frame my competition and increase my standing in the Light's hierarchy."
"So you always win."
"There's no reason this situation can't benefit both of us."
"And if I don't want to?"
"By all means, you don't have to act as a mole. But if you choose to, I will ensure that you are protected from discovery."
"You'll seriously let me give away villain secrets?"
"Yes." No hesitation, no ominous pause, no hidden undertones. It's the most open he's ever been. I know I can't trust him but something in my gut says he means it.
"You'd trust me enough to do that?" I ask incredulously.
"You'll self-censor anything that could lead to your exposure, thereby protecting us both. And as for the Light, make no mistake, I do not work for them. They pay well, and I respect power and ambition, but I do not wish to see them succeed. Vandal Savage's idea of a new world order is sickening and I trust Luthor only to the end of my rifle scope. It is in both of our interests to be in a position to interfere with their plans if necessary."
"And what's going to stop me from telling Batman?"
"The same thing that's stopped you from telling him anything so far. You don't want him to know. At least, not until you have something solid to prove to him that your actions weren't in vain."
I want to tell him he's wrong… but he's not. Slade sees the look on my face and nods, his eye flashing in triumph.
"Well, Richard? State your terms."
I take a deep breath to steel myself.
"Everyone else stays out of it. This is between you and me. No more threatening to expose my secret identity or going after my friends. You don't ever hurt them again, or my family, and especially not Bruce."
"And you accept your role as my apprentice once and for all. You will follow my orders and do exactly as I say when you are in the role of Renegade."
"AND—" I look up and meet Slade's gaze unflinchingly. "You do not own me. This is a partnership. Whatever you want it to look like to the rest of the world, I'll play along, but you do not own me. I don't owe you anything, I'm agreeing to this because it benefits me."
"So long as you hold to this agreement, I accept your terms."
He holds out his hand and I shake it without hesitating. When I try to pull my hand away, Slade's grip tightens.
"Here's to our partnership, Richard. I look forward to it."
This is a way to help the League, keep my family safe and get Slade off my back. Whatever Slade's getting out of this, I can't pretend this isn't a good deal for me too.
"Me too."
Slade smirks and lets go of my hand before turning back to his desk.
"Now that this matter is settled, put your uniform on. There's something you need to know."
"What?"
"As a good faith demonstration for our new arrangement, I'll tell you the first secret the Light wishes to keep hidden."
"What is it?"
"The Light's mole had nothing to do with the Team or the Justice League."
"That's not true." Batman confirmed that Hawkman's login was stolen. There wasn't a mole at all. At least... that's what we all wanted to be true.
"Please, Richard. Do you really think someone using Hawkman's credentials would be able to steal any information of value? No, there is someone else working from inside to steal secrets."
I swallow.
"Who?"
Slade leans forward.
"Are you sure you want to know?"
"Tell me." I nod.
"Selina."
Selina.
My heart pounds. My fingers feel clammy. My lungs don't want to breathe.
Selina.
"No."
Selina can't be the mole.
Slade doesn't say anything.
"No! You're lying!"
Still nothing.
"She's not! She wouldn't do that!"
No, she wouldn't. She wouldn't. No! Bruce trusts her! He asked all of us to trust him that she's changed for good. She said she changed! She promised me she'd take care of him‼!
"You're lying." Slade still doesn't answer. I swallow, heart pounding. "Prove it."
"Get your uniform on."
AN: Dun Dun Dun! Happy January, can't believe I got this chapter done so quickly! Dick is definitely learning but he still doesn't really understand how far Slade will go to get what he wants. I sure hope his decision or his weird behavior doesn't make anyone suspicious or have bad consequences for everyone involved.
And as for Selina... let me know what you think. Is she working with the Light to steal the Justice League's secrets? Or was it just convenient and somewhat suspicious timing that she moved into the manner and inserted herself so close to Batman?
In any case, leave me a comment if you enjoyed this chapter and be sure to let me know how you think this will all play out!
Thank you for reading!