Chpt. 40 APOV:
"Christian?" I ask as we finish getting dressed following a shower.
"Yes?" he answers.
"Should I take off my ring until we tell everyone?" I ask.
"What? No!" he looks shocked that I would suggest it.
"If I don't, your parents will see it the moment they walk through the door" I point out.
"I suppose" he sighs clearly not liking the idea.
"I'll put it back on as soon as we tell them at dinner" I promise.
"I guess we will need to do that when we go out in places where we might be photographed together until the Coping Together Gala" his voice is full of disappointment.
"How about on those days I wear it on a necklace? That way I'm still wearing it but no one will know it's an engagement ring?" I suggest.
"I guess….I really want to just leave it on your finger and have it never come off" he kisses the ring before taking it off of my finger.
"Soon" I kiss him. "After the gala I won't take it off."
"You better not!" he pulls me close to him hugging me tightly.
"We should head downstairs…they should be here any minute" I say.
Christian carries me downstairs and we sit on the couch in the great room nervously waiting for his parents and sister to arrive. I don't know why I'm so nervous, but my stomach is in knots just thinking about telling them about our engagement. Christian pulls me tight against him, gently rubbing my shoulders and back clearly sensing my nervousness. Gail is putting the finishing touches on the dining room table as Taylor announces that Christian's family is on their way up in the elevator.
"Don't worry, they love you" Christian whispers into my ear as we stand.
"I know" I smile but still can't help but feel nervous.
"Christian, Ana thank you for having us for dinner" Grace walks into the great room only moments later.
"Christian!" Mia exclaims nearly jumping on Christian hugging him.
"It's wonderful to see you again Ana" Carrick says lightly kissing me on the cheek.
"You too Mr. Grey" I blush.
"Please it's Carrick" he reminds me.
Elliot kisses me on the cheek like his father; Kate wraps her arm around my shoulders sort of side hugging me careful not to touch my back. I realized she isn't sure where it is okay to touch and where it's not, one thing I know I eventually need to discuss with her. She whispers in my ear asking if I'm okay, obviously knowing why we gathered everyone here tonight and I just nod in response not knowing what to say. Am I okay? Of course, just nervous as hell!
"Ana, you look wonderful" Grace says.
"Thank you" I blush.
"No thank you dear. You have brought my son to life" she whispers in my ear as we hug, her arms careful to stay around the middle of my back.
"Ana!" Mia exclaims rushing towards me.
I immediately tense as Mia quickly approaches me; I've become so comfortable with Christian touching my back but I know if someone else touches it I will freak out. Christian quickly pulls on Mia's arm warning her to calm down before she reaches me. Much to my surprise her arms wrap around my upper arms, hugging me close to her but never touching my back. As she let's go a few seconds later I let out the breath I was holding, relieved that she didn't wrap her hands around my waist. Gail announces that dinner is being served and we make our way to the dining room where an array of dishes cover the table.
"Gail, this smells wonderful! You did an amazing job as always" Grace compliments.
"Thank you Mrs. Grey" Gail smiles before leaving the room.
Christian takes my hand under the table, squeezing it before I feel him slip my ring back onto my finger. The knots in my stomach immediately return as I know this means he is about to announce our engagement to his parents. He patiently waits for a break in the conversation before tapping on his glass; everyone quickly stops what they are doing and turn to Christian. I can feel the heat rise to my face; Christian squeezes my hand trying to reassure me.
"Thank you all for joining us for dinner tonight" Christian begins.
"It only took you four years of living here to finally invite us over for dinner!" Mia exclaims and everyone chuckles around the table.
"As I was saying" Christian smirks at Mia. "Ana and I asked you here tonight because we wanted to share some important news. Before I go any further, I need to ask that what I am about to share with you be kept between us for right now."
"I promise" Mia looks excited but is the only one who answers as Christian is looking directly at her.
"While we were in Aspen last weekend, I asked Ana to marry me and she said yes" Christian announces.
"I knew it!" Mia exclaims happily.
"Congratulations son" Carrick says shaking Christian's hand.
"I'm so happy for you both" Grace wipes the tears from her eyes before coming over to hug both of us.
"Why the big secret?" Mia asks.
"Neither of us prefer being the center of attention when it comes to our private lives so we decided we would like to announce our engagement at the Coping Together Gala in June. This way whenever someone searches for news of our engagement it will be linked to Coping Together which we hope will raise awareness and donations for the services they provide" Christian explains.
"Have discussed any plans yet?" Kate asks.
"We are thinking of a late fall wedding, in September or early October" I answer.
"Well, that gives us more than a year to plan-" Kate says.
"No, we are planning on this fall" Christian interrupts.
"That's not much time to plan a large event like a wedding" Grace points out.
"It won't be very large" Christian says.
"We are thinking of less than a hundred guests" I explain.
"Oh, that's not big at all. It will be a lot of work but assuming we can find a venue it shouldn't be a problem" Grace says.
"We were hoping to have it at your home if you wouldn't mind" I ask.
"Oh" Grace gasps in surprise.
"We would be honored" Carrick says.
"I can talk to my mom about designing a dress for you if you want Ana" Kate offers.
"If you think she has time that would be wonderful" I gush. Kate's mom is a phenomenal dress designer, often featured in bridal magazines.
"For you Ana, she will always have time" Kate says. I've met her parents on several occasions, they are wonderful kind people.
"We were hoping you could recommend a caterer Grace," I request. "Christian mentions that you have used several for events in the past."
"Yes, I have two that I am confident would do a wonderful job for your wedding" her voice is still shaky from the surprise of our announcement. "They are the only two that I have used for the last few events because of job they do."
"Thank you Mom" Christian replies.
"Have you thought about flowers? Or favors? Oh, what colors are you thinking?" Mia blurts out, suddenly finding her voice.
"We haven't figured all that out yet" Christian laughs.
"I think fall colors would be nice," I say a few minutes later. "Soft, warm earth tones."
"How pretty" Mia gasps.
"That would be beautiful Ana" Grace compliments.
"Mom, Mia we would appreciate any assistance and recommendations you could provide with planning this event. I know you both have planned so many charity events before…" Christian asks.
"Of course darling, anything you need" Grace beams.
"I can't wait to start planning!" Mia exclaims.
"We should pick an actual date in the next week or so; that will give us enough time to book the caterer and the other vendors you will need" Grace says as we return to our dinner.
"Ana, if Mom promises to keep it a secret I would like to share the news so she can begin thinking about your dress" Kate asks.
"We will need all vendors to sign a Non Disclosure Agreement before any information can be shared" Christian says firmly.
"Christian…it's Kate's mom I'm sure-" I begin.
"No, it's fine Ana" Kate interrupts. "He's right to ask everyone to sign an NDA, especially my family."
"Oh" I quickly realize why Christian mentioned it right now; Kate's father owns several media outlets.
"If you forward it to me Christian I will have both my parents sign it before I share the news with my mom" Kate says.
"Thank you Kate, I appreciate you understanding" Christian relaxes, obviously thinking Kate would fight him on this.
"When can I start planning the bachelor party?" Elliot finally speaks up.
"Elliot!" Kate slaps him on the arm.
"There will be no bachelor party" Christian announces firmly.
"Party pooper" Elliot mumbles.
"I would recommend you both start thinking about your guest list. A hundred people isn't very many, so you might want to start now so you can make sure that number is reasonable and if needed cut the list down if it's too high" Grace suggests.
"We both want a small, intimate wedding so the one hundred number is pretty firm but you have a point so we will begin coming up with the guest list" Christian says.
The rest of the dinner surrounds talk about our wedding plans; my mind keeps going back to the guest list. Really, other than Kate there is no one I planned on inviting to our wedding. I'm certainly not going to invite my lousy excuse of a mother and I have no other family. Kate is the only one who has been there for me over the last few years…
"You okay?" Christian whispers as we are all finishing our dinner.
"Yes sorry, just tired" I lie and looking in his eyes he knows I'm lying but I'm not getting into this here.
"Mr. Grey, are you ready for desert?" Gail quietly enters the dining room.
"Please Gail" Christian answers.
"Let me help you" I quickly stand from my chair, needing to step away for a few minutes.
Christian doesn't say anything but squeezes my hand as I pass by his chair following Gail to the kitchen. I busy myself checking over the cake as my body slowly relaxes. I'm surprised that the thought of guest lists didn't enter my mind before today, but quickly I'm picturing all the guests seated on Christian's side of the aisle and no one at mine. Well, maybe I could invite Kate's parents; they've been wonderful to me since I've met them and with her mom potentially designing my dress it would seem appropriate.
"Are you okay Ana?" Gail asks.
"I'm fine" I sigh.
"If you need to talk or need help planning I'm always here" Gail squeezes my shoulder before getting everything ready for desert.
"Thank you Gail, I appreciate that" I smile.
"Ana, the cake looks delicious" Christian says as Gail serves everyone.
"Well, I had some help" I admit.
"You did most of the work Ana" Gail says.
The rest of the night passes by smoothly, with minimal talk about the wedding instead the focus is on Mia's new assistant chef position at a secret restaurant. Although she has not shared the name of the restaurant she is working at something tells me that Christian already knows this information as I'm sure it's something that would easily come up in a background check if he had one ran on her. The night winds down, everyone eventually leaving and the penthouse is once again quiet. Overall I think the announcement of our engagement went well; his family seemed genuinely happy with the news.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Christian asks as we get ready for bed shortly afterwards.
"I hadn't thought about the guest list before" I answer quietly.
"What do you mean? What about the guest list? Do you think we need to plan more than a hundred people?" Christian asks.
"That's just it" I sigh. "Christian, I don't really have anyone to invite."
"You have Kate" he says.
"Besides her and maybe her parents and brother, I have no one" I explain. "I just starting picture the wedding ceremony; your side completely full of people and mine empty."
"Baby" he pulls me onto his lap, holding me close to his chest. "Don't worry about that, the people who matter the most to you will be there."
"But…" I whine.
"No buts" he kisses me on the top of my head. "We won't have guests sit on sides for the ceremony; I always hated that when I was a guest anyway. Like if you're a guest of both the bride and the groom where do you sit?"
I chuckle at his attempt to lighten my mood but it only reinforces the realization that I haven't been to very many weddings either.
"Christian, I know nothing about planning a wedding" I admit.
"Neither do I" he smiles. "We will hire a wedding planner who should at least be able to guide us in the right direction."
"I don't know how I feel about a stranger planning our wedding" I admit after thinking about it for a few minutes.
"What if we asked Mia to take the lead and plan it?" He suggests.
"Do you think she would?" I ask.
"Are you kidding? She loves to plan events with Mom; we will just need to reign her in every so often so she doesn't go overboard" he laughs.
"That's true" I giggle.
"We can get some of those bridal magazines…I'm sure they would have ideas you might like" he suggests.
"Do you think Mia will have the time with her work schedule?" I ask.
"She only works part time, usually only three days a week" He answers.
"Do I want to know how you know that?" I smirk.
"No" he smiles realizing that I know he ran a background check to find the information out.
"Let's go to bed" he says after I yawn.
I quickly change into one of the silk nightgowns that I keep in his closet and begin to wonder if we should just move my stuff up here from the room downstairs. We haven't slept in that room in at least a couple of weeks now; Christian's bed is much bigger and more comfortable than the bed downstairs. I'm slowly working on stairs in physical therapy and I'm sure it will only be another month or so before I can manage these stairs by myself. I could always keep an extra set of clothes somewhere downstairs just in case but I'm sure if something happened Gail would grab something from his closet for me. Hearing him start to breath heavily I realize this is a conversation that will have to wait until tomorrow; I close my eyes sleep easily finding me.
"Oh look Carla…someone is still here doing nothing" He says slyly as he walks through the door.
"You didn't clean while we were gone?" Mom asks.
"I did the dishes, cleaned the bathroom and vacuumed" I answer quietly.
"This place is a fucking pigsty!" He kicks the coffee table over, magazines and paper flying around the room.
"You were supposed to clean the entire place Ana" Mom says; I can tell she is disappointed and angry with me.
I know what's coming, as I try to sink into the corner of the couch. Even though I did exactly what she told me to do before they left hours ago, I knew it wouldn't be enough. I glance around really not seeing the pigsty that he thinks this place is. It's cluttered, but it's a trailer what else can he expect? There's no room to store anything and the bedrooms are very small.
"I think you need to be reminded how to follow orders" he screams.
"No, please…" I beg. "I'm sorry, it won't happen again!"
"You're going to scrub the kitchen and bathroom floors before bed tonight" Mom says sternly.
"Okay" I sob.
"And you will go to bed without dinner tonight" she adds.
Considering it's nearly midnight, I don't tell her that I already had a granola bar for dinner hours ago. There is no food here anyway so it's not like she was planning some big extravagant dinner.
"She needs to be taught a lesson" he stands up removing his belt.
"No…" I beg but know it's useless.
"Put your ass over the couch here" he says sternly.
"Please….don't….I'm sorry" I sob.
"The sooner you let him do this the quicker it will be over" Mom takes my hand pulling me off the couch.
"NO!" I scream.
He grabs my hair, pulling me closer to him before pushing me over the arm of the couch. I try to push away, push myself off the couch but I can't; he is so strong. Mom holds my hands above my head so I can't push off the couch and I scream as the belt lands on my thighs hard. Neither of them say anything, but continue to hold me down as the beating continues. It's all over tonight; my back, my ass, my thigh even the back of my knees. My screaming and crying doesn't stop him, nothing stops him…
End flashback
"Baby…it's okay" I hear Christian whispering in my ear.
Startled I try to pull away, but his arms wrap around me tighter, holding me against his chest tightly. After a few minutes of struggling, I give in and let him hold me as my body begins to relax against his. It's only then do I realize that it has been more than a week since I've had a nightmare; I've never gone that long without a nightmare. Unless, maybe I had one and didn't wake up from it, I wonder.
"Christian?" I whisper.
"Yes baby?" he gently kisses my cheek.
"I haven't had a nightmare since before we left for Aspen right?" I ask.
"No, the last one was the morning we left" He answers. "Why?"
"I've never gone that long without a nightmare" I admit quietly.
"Maybe talking about it is helping" he suggests. "You've been more open lately about them and everything that happened."
"Maybe" I wonder.
"Do you want to talk about this one?" he asks a few minutes later.
"It was the first time my mother helped him" I say quietly.
"She helped him?" his voice is barely above a whisper and I can hear the shock.
"She held my hands down while he was beating me so I couldn't get away" I explain
"Why?" he asks.
"They came home drunk one night from a bar. Before they left she gave me a list of chores she wanted done; I had them all done hours before they came home but he insisted the place was a pigsty and I needed to be punished for not following orders" I sigh. "After the beating, I was made to scrub the kitchen and bathroom floors and go to bed without dinner."
"Dinner? You said it was after midnight" he says.
"I don't think she realized that" I smile sadly. "I had already eaten a granola bar for dinner hours before but of course I didn't tell her that."
"A granola bar was your dinner?" He asks.
"There was no food in the house but I had a granola bar leftover from lunch at school" I answer simply.
"Why would someone treat their own child like that?" His voice is full of sadness and anger. "How could she not have food in the house? Why didn't she stop him?"
"Christian…" I feel his body tensing below me.
"Hmmmmm?" he mumbles but pulls me closer against him.
"Look at me" I say.
He doesn't say anything and several minutes pass before his eyes finally find mine. One look at him and I know what I thought was happening was true. Talking about my mother triggered his own memories of his mother failing to protect him and provide him with food. Our childhoods are not as different as I once thought they were; we both suffered greatly and both of our mothers failed to protect us from horrible monsters.
"I'm sorry your mother didn't protect you from him" I whisper.
"My mother? No, this is about you…" he mumbles, his body still tense below me.
"Christian, it's okay" I kiss him several times on his cheek gently making a trail to his soft lips. "They were both horrible mothers."
"Ana" he sighs, his grip tightening around my waist. "We are some match."
"I'd like to think it helps us understand what the other is going through" I point out. "Who else would understand my nightmares the way you do."
"I suppose you're right" he admits sadly.
"Do you want to go back to sleep?" I ask after a few minutes of silence.
"I need to feel you" he runs his hands up and down my body.
"I thought you were" I say.
"Can you take this off? I need to feel your skin against mine" he tugs at my nightgown.
"Oh" I blush but sit up and take off my pajamas.
He grabs me and pulls me close to him, skin to skin and I'm immediately calmed by this. Within minutes his body relaxes against me and our breathing both slows as sleep once again finds us. We both sleep soundly the rest of the night, neither of us having a nightmare despite our talk about mine when I woke up. I was afraid Christian might have a nightmare since discussing mine seemed to trigger memories of his mother and her pimp. I wake the next morning with the sun bright outside the balcony doors, glancing at the clock I'm surprised at how late we slept. Christian rarely sleeps in yet he remains next to me, his arms still tight around me. As I try to move he pulls me closer to him, his hard erection now pushing against my ass. I giggle as he holds me tight against him, gently moving his hips against my ass clearly awake right now.
"Good Morning" I say.
"Morning" his hands gently run up and down my sides, hips and thighs.
"Someone woke up happy" I giggle.
"How could I not when I wake up naked next to you?" He says.
One hand pinches my nipple gently while the other continues to roam my body, getting close to my sex but never touching it. I quickly find the need rising, my body responding to his touch quickly. Reaching behind me I grasp his firm ass, pulling him closer to me his erection now in between my legs gently rubbing against my sex. Christian's mouth is on my ear, my neck and my cheek kissing, sucking and biting me as our breathing begins to increase. He moves me so I'm now laying on my back, his body just over mine as hip mouth hungrily finds mine. Our hands are all over each other, as if we can't get enough; I can't help but wonder if it will always be like this with Christian. Will our love making always be so passionate? Will we ever get our fill of one another? I know the answer for me is never; I know I will never be able to get enough of the man I love so much.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh" I moan as Christian's mouth finds my nipple.
He sucks hard on one while pinching the other causing me to climb higher with need. My body feels like it's on fire as the desire races through me. My hands find his head, holding him close to me not wanting him to stop the wonderful torture on my nipples. I moan as he takes his mouth from my breast only to gasp in surprise when he quickly attaches it to the other one. I can feel the wetness between my legs, coating my thighs as the orgasm builds deep inside of me. His mouth once again leaves my nipples, kissing my torso as he slowly moves down my body until he is above my sex. I moan loudly in anticipation, in desperate need of him…
"Oh God!" I scream, his fingers pinching my nipples the moment his mouth latches onto my clit.
The combination of his fingers and his mouth quickly pushes me closer to the edge; he props my leg on his shoulder while his hand explores my sex. His fingers are everywhere except where I need them most, inside of me. I can feel my juices coating his fingers; the need quickly taking over as my hips thrust against his face desperate for more.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh" I moan as he pulls my clit with his teeth.
"Do you like that?" he asks, momentarily stopping his assault on my sex.
"Yes! Please….I'm so close Christian!" I beg shamelessly.
His mouth immediately returns to my sex; licking, sucking and nipping at me but never entering me. I'm burning with desire as the orgasm remains just out of reach but his constant motions keep me right on the edge.
"Christian….I need you" I moan.
"What do you need baby?" He asks.
"You!" I scream in frustration as he nips my clit once again.
"What do you want me to do Ana?" his tongue runs from my clit to my core, circling it but never entering me.
"Christian!" I exclaim embarrassed that he is asking me this.
"Tell me baby" he smiles against my sex.
"Fuck me Christian!" I scream moments later as he sucks hard on my clit.
"As you wish" he quickly moves above me, his hand never leaving my clit as he plunges into me fast and hard.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I scream at the sudden intrusion, my body struggling to adjust to the fullness.
"Come baby" he pinches my nipple as he bites my ear which finally pushes me over the edge.
"CHRISTIAN!" I scream as the orgasm rips through my body.
My back arches, my hands find his ass pulling him deeper inside of me as he continues to thrust in and out of me prolonging my orgasm even more. His lips crush against mine, his tongue mimicking the movements of his erection deep inside of me as his hands move under my ass pulling me even closer to him. The orgasm never seems to end, just as I feel like I'm coming down I can feel another one building. He gives me no chance to recover as he continues to thrust hard and fast into me, his balls slapping against my ass every time he enters me fully.
"You feel so good" He moans. "So tight, so wet….so mine."
"Yes….yours!" I pant.
He pulls nearly all the way out of me before plunging deep into me, hitting that wonderful spot inside of me each time. I can tell he is getting close to his own release as his breathing becomes fast and his pace is faster and harder. He alternates his actions; pulling out slightly before pushing himself hard and deeper into me, moving himself around so he crushes my clit each time. He is so deep inside of me when he does this that, yet he continues to pull me against him trying to get even deeper.
"Christian…please…."I beg, although not sure what for.
"Come for me Ana!" He exclaims, thrusting himself hard and deep inside of me.
"OHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDD!" I scream moments later as I come hard, gripping him tightly.
"ANA!" He screams, emptying himself inside of me.
He collapses on top of me, one arm supporting some of his weight as we both struggle to control our breathing. He continues to move gently in and out of me as we lay in each other's arms; I can easily picture us like this for the rest of our lives. Never did I think I would ever be this comfortable with anyone, to feel this relaxed with someone or to even be planning a wedding. Before I met Christian I never thought I would find love…I thought it was impossible.
"What are you thinking about baby?" he asks sucking on my ear lobe.
"How lucky I am to have you" I smile.
"I'm the lucky one" he kisses me deeply, moving himself so he is laying on top of me.
"If you keep that up we're never going to leave this room today" I moan as I feel him twitch inside of me.
"Hmmmmm now that sound sounds like a wonderful idea" he says.
"How about we get some breakfast or lunch before round two?" I suggest as my stomach embarrassingly growls below us.
"I guess we should" he laughs, gently pulling out of me.
I feel empty the moment he leaves me, as if he fit perfectly inside of me like he was meant to be there. Christian runs a warm wet washcloth over my thighs and my sex, gently cleaning the evidence of our orgasms away. I moan slightly as he applies the slightly pressure to my over sensitive clit earning a smirk from him. We get dressed, making out way downstairs where Gail is in the kitchen beginning to prepare us a late breakfast. Between sleeping late and our morning activities we have nearly missed breakfast and could probably go straight to an early lunch.
"Sir, ma'am" Taylor enters the room and I can tell by his tone that something is wrong.
"Taylor?" Christian asks.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but we need to talk" Taylor says.
"Is everything okay Taylor?" I ask concerned.
"There's been a development…" he says.
"Please sit down" Christian says, his entire posture changes as he sits more straight, his shoulders back.