Raven settled into a new routine in a new home; a much more domestic routine. He rose before dawn to tend the brax. The midday sun saw him laboring beneath it to clear the dead plants and turn the hard soil of the greenhouse and the hours inbetween he cleaned, cleaned, cleaned. Once or twice a week, he'd hitch two of the brax to a sled and he and Tidus would lead them off to fell a handful of trees. The frost maned Scout often helping though mainly he flit through the shadows of the woods watchful of danger, safeguarding the other armed only with a woodcutter's ax. Once home, the trees were sawed into logs and stacked to cure, Raven chopping the oldest ones into firewood each morning after breakfast.
Three times a day he dutifully choked down the meals Swan set before him. Breakfast, lunch and dinner, a slow burning animosity growing toward this task given to his brother. Seeing the broad grin that lit up Swan's eyes, however, he persevered. He still ran wind-sprints and flowed through katas, but far more of his hours were filled with more 'normal' activities. The one thing that didn't change was ceaselessly practicing his mental exercises to establish and strengthen his control of his mind. While he was much closer to achieving mastery during his wakeful hours, the techniques Tidus had taught him did little to keep his nightmares at bay. Now that the older Sin had decreed it high time for the other to stop avoiding going to bed at night, the darkened house would be illuminated by hastily lit lamps when Raven shot up from his sweat soaked sheets, his screams ringing in the rafters.
"...What's this Silver?" Tidus asked, walking over to the kitchen table, eyeing the food skeptically for a moment but saying nothing negative about it. Slowly taking a seat trying to assess how hungry he really was.
"Ah, yes! We have fish with...those starchy things that I just can't remember the name of..." Swan said proudly. While what sat on the plates looked nothing like breaded beef, the ruta did not appeared half as dry and burnt as usual. The large salad that sat in the center of the table was the most appetizing, seeming to have escaped the tragically inept cook unscathed. One only knows how a salad can be ruined, but the blonde haired male couldn't boil water without burning the pot.
"You're getting better." Tidus observed of the salad, turning up his lip before steadying out his stomach "...Sure this is fish?"
Swan eyed the meat critically. "Hmm...Rave said so when I asked him. He said they looked nice filets."
What had at one time indeed been three very nice filet mignons had been butterflied and appeared to have been dusted in flour and pan-fried. Finished in the lemon and dill sauce Tidus had shown him. A unique flavor combination for beef, it would at least be interesting.
Being brave Tidus took a knife and sliced the beef, eyeing the red meat that was in no way fish. Looking over to Raven praying he wasn't as confused as his sibling.
"Thank you , Swan." Raven said softly. Though his table manners remained impeccable, he cut the items before into pieces small enough to eat without chewing and went about taking his meal like a plate full of pills to be swallowed. His face not betraying his feelings for the meal.
Well that wasn't a good sign, Tidus thought. Cobalt eyes looked towards the mystery meat that seemed cooked at least. Taking a deep breath he took a bite, doing perhaps a slightly better job of hiding his expression. His mouth still part full, lips pulled to one side as he extended a claw towards Swan's plate "Tried et yet?"
"Ummm..." Swan pushed the mottled chunks of ruta about with his fork. Then decided to eat the salad first.
Tidus forced the mouthful he'd taken down his throat followed by a rather large gulp of water from his glass. "No.. Swan, try it.." He urged, watching the male as he helped himself to a large serving of the communal salad.
Swan cut a piece of the beef and tasted it cautiously.
"Rave! You've been mean to me all day today. For No reason what so ever!" Swan huffed. "First, you wouldn't string my bow for me. Flat out refused to even lay a finger on it! Now this? This is Beef not Fish!"
"Yes, you asked me what I thought and I told you they looked like very nice filets. Tidus showed you how to cook steak before. I am sorry for the misunderstanding." Raven apologized. "I cut up the rutas for you and prepared the...salad..." His voice dropping off guiltily as he noticed what the snow maned Sin had chosen as his main dish from the night's offerings.
Raven had not helped his brother with his bow because Tidus had not told him he was allowed to use weapons yet. He refrained from even touching it, lest doing so caused the other Sin to prolong the ban on weapons even longer as a punishment. The younger Shadowsong knew, once strung, Swan would want the bow tuned and the night-maned Asmo did not wish to be caught in the act of doing either.
"...Silver, you can't string your own bow?" Blinking at the spoon. "Surely you can do something on your own right?" Leaning back in the chair having had enough of his food. "If you knew how to do either job you'd not need to pester Raven..."
"Yes, Tidus. I can string my own bow." Swan sneered with annoyance. He had suffered a sharp pang of grief earlier, having found a cheerful note his mother had tucked into one of his pockets to brighten his day upon finding it as she would oft do. His emotions still raw and his wick markedly shorter, he'd had just about enough of the constant gibes at his expense.
"Job? I -have- a job! A rather important one at that. I am only humoring you by participating in this farce to help pass the time in this mind numbingly boring and dreary place. Pester Raven?" Swan sniped hotly, smacking the table with the flat of his palm causing Raven to flinch. " Pester Him!? I was just trying to spend time with him, involve him in something we could do together. That's the reason I'm here, having voluntarily exiled myself in this Gods forsaken hinterland far from everything that's important to me! I came here to spend time with my little brother somewhere peaceful and quiet because apparently he's been damaged to the point of being so mentally unstable he's incapable of being around anyone other than -You- without entirely loosing what tenuous grasp he still holds on reality, abusing drugs or running off and trying to kill himself!" Swan said rising from his seat as he ran his hand through his hair.
"You!" Swan growled, wheeling on Raven. "Nothing to say? Of course not! You never say Anything to me! Oh, you'll talk to -him- though. It's near impossible to tune out the incessant murmuring between the pair of you! Always out of earshot mind you. Always somewhere out of sight. Two little peas in a pod keeping company just like salt and pepper."
"You hang on his every word. He says jump and you don't even bother to ask how high. You just keep jumping higher and higher till he seems pleased... and your own brother? You avoid me like the plague, cautiously keeping just out of reach like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockers! I bend over backwards for you! Everyday, I slave away, working my fingers to the bone in this kitchen...for YOU!" Swan drew in close to Raven. "You're not the only one suffering here, you know. They were my family too! Family I actually enjoyed spending time with whereas you preferred to be off hiding in the hills with that crazy old alchemist! Guess we know where you developed your taste for mind altering substances now, don't we!" He snarled, as he attempted to grab a hold of Raven and pull him from his seat. His slippery sibling sliding out of reach served only to further incense the elder Shadowsong.
"You can tear a wooden dummy to shreds with your bare hands!...but where were you when -that- could have been useful?" He hissed angrily as he stalked toward his brother. Raven backing away one step for each he was advanced upon. "Why weren't you there? Why didn't you save them with this, this -special skill set- the two of you seem to devote your every waking hour to? What good is any of it if it can't save anyone?" Swan ranted, his lips flecked with frothy spittle.
Raven's heel hit the baseboard as he ran out of floor to back over. Having asked himself the questions his brother hurled at him, the night maned male made no move to avoid his brother's hands as they wrapped around his biceps and slammed him hard against the wall. He stood silently waiting to take the beating he felt he deserved. His face reflecting the guilt and self-loathing that ate away at the Sin.
"Explain yourself! Explain all of this to me!" Swan bellowed as he shook his brother roughly.
"Enough!" Tidus growled as he stood from the table glowering at Swan. "Funny, the last time I checked spending time with someone did -not- mean acting like a spoilt fucking child who needed someone to wipe their ass for them at every turn... Just because you have a job doesn't give you cause for your level of pure incompetence... You want to leave? Then fuck off! Leave, is anyone really going to give a shit? Or will it be 'Thank Aion I don't have to look after him on top of everything else.' Do whatever you want, no one is holding you here..."
"It's not as if you're the only one here who has responsibilities. You're just the only one who shoves it in everyone's face. My mother fled from people like you, wealth and control to this tiny cabin taking up a life of hardship and poverty because some things were more important. She was afraid of the taboo and stigma as well as her father. When she passed it made no difference, servants for anything you needed and peering eyes. You're just as bad as my grandfather. All your wealth and 'responsibilities'...is that really all that's important to you? Are those things more important that your family, because you've got precious little of -that- left? You want to spend time with your brother then spend -time- with him... Don't give him more to deal with..."
"And you!" He pointed to Raven as he walked down towards the pair, but still keeping some distance his eyes hot red now. " You going to go off and mope now? THAT'S going to help...You have a brother, your own flesh and blood who actually -wants- to be a comfort to you, but choose to go out in the snow with those dimwitted Brax instead." He'd stomp towards the front door swatting a vase in passing and letting it smash against a wall. Opening the front door and slamming it shut.
Tidus had to get out of the house. He was angry at Swan's rough treatment of the bird and even angrier at Raven for not only taking the abuse, but standing there silently begging for worse. It was bad enough having to watch the boy continuing to flog himself over things beyond his control, but to welcome it from his brother as well? Tidus was tired of it. He was sick and tired of the tension that always sprang up between the two, perhaps time without him there would iron out some kinks. He had been wondering when the peacock would finally crack under his barrage of needling and hurt of the younger brother keeping himself not only physically distant, but emotionally as well. He was only wearing his leather but it wasn't more than he could handle, he knew this land and how to fend in it. Taking to the bitter cold air he'd spawn his wings.
Swan was quite unaccustomed to being spoken to in such a way, stared after Tidus. In a huff, he flopped back down in a chair and flipped the plate over in front of him. Doing so made him feel better, but only momentarily as he realized he was the only one there which meant he would have to clean up the mess he had just made.
Raven splashed another couple handfuls of water over his face letting it drip back into the bathroom sink before drying himself with a towel. It had taken a bit of effort to keep from following the other out the front door, but what Tidus had said was right. While the brax were a comfort to him, he should at least try to seek solace from his brother instead. Swan was suffering as well and he felt incredibly selfish having ignored the pain his brother must also be feeling over the events that befell Morhiem. Having collected himself, he left the bathroom, stooping down to collect the pieces of broken vase in the hall thinking perhaps it could be mended. When he was done, he joined Swan in the dining room and began to clean mess from the table.
"I'm sorry for the mean things I said. I didn't mean them. You do forgive me, don't you?" Swan asked.
"Nothing to forgive." Raven said putting on a small smile for his brother's benefit. Swan seemed as pleased by it as Raven knew he would, so he continued to wear it as he went about cleaning up the mess on the table.
"So...Tidus told me back in Sarpan that you possess a 'special skill set'. When I served as an Archon the only 'skill set' I could claim involved charming my way into some fragrant flower's private garden. What is that you did in the military?" Swan asked, leaning against the counter as Raven washed the dishes.
"...What The Empire asked of me..." Raven responded with the prepared answer from rote.
Swan stared at his brother for a moment before pouring himself a drink as Raven cleaned the kitchen. His brother's response making it clear that line of questioning would go no further. The elder Shadowsong knew what Tidus was. One would have to be deaf, dumb and blind or so pure a soul it wouldn't be safe to be allowed to wander out of eyesight unescorted by no less than an entire platoon of heavily armed bodyguards not to. Looking at his younger brother, he could not see a stealthy solitary killer lurking in the shadows, a deadly adder coiled to strike. The snow maned male, yes, easily. His brother...no. Until the lamplight glinted off Raven's sharp claws as he swept the floor and a shiver ran down Swan's spine.
"...You want me to go as well?" He finally asked.
"...Yes..." Raven said without any conviction. "Go home Swan. Go home to Edyis. Start a family...Go back 'to everything that is important to you'..." He continued, echoing the other's words back to him. "Go be happy...for the both of us..."
"I..I can't! I can't do this without you...I need you, Raven. I need you to help me get past this... I would hope that you needed me too." Swan whispered, his head bowed, his shoulders hunching as he broke down. The strong, carefree exterior he had been fighting so hard to maintain cracking like the fragile glass he squeezed in his hand.
Feathers spread, kicking eddies of soft powder into the crisp air as the Daeva landed near a cave. Strong black wings folded up against his back as he took slow steps inside. Ice covered the walls of the cave illuminated by the aether that surrounded the old elim hidden there. Walking over to give the face a comforting pat as it slept deeply in it's secluded nook between the high mountains and crumbling city structures that had once been grand thousands of years past. The wind wasn't as fierce here. It was almost still, maybe even a little warm most likely radiating from the elder in part. This wasn't Tidus' first time here, having slipped in to visit the ancient tree many times before in his younger days. He took a seat on one of the protruding roots sparing him from the ground. Reaching into his cube, he'd pull out a rope turning it around in his hand and tying knots in it. Inspecting them carefully before letting the small train of them fall from his fingers and onto the ground; some held fast others slipped on purpose. It gave him something to focus on, pulling and adjusting the fibres aggressively at times. Placing the end between his feet and tugging what he'd tied into place. It was when he heard another approach he let the rope drop and slipped into 'hide', slowly shifting his steps along the cave wall behind the sleeping tree.
He watched the dark haired girl dressed in a long thick coat as she entered. The smell of aromatic wood smoke trailing after her like perfume with each delicate step towards the elim as she looked over it in silence. She shook out of her coat, letting it fall to the ground behind her revealing a burgundy gown that glimmered with golden threads. The low, square cut neckline revealing the soft swell of pale skin. It was certainly a pretty picture to see, Tidus mused. Noticing the rope on the ground she leaned down to pick it up, brushing her hair back behind her ear. "Now that is odd..." She remarked in a dulcet tone, taking in the knots.
"It's really not that odd..." Stepping in close enough to reach over the girl and take the rope, starting the small creature who spun to face the black leather clad male. "...You should really knock first..." He smirked, tucking the knotted coil away in his cube.
"I-i I'm sorry, I didn't.." Taking a step back "I thought no one would be here at this hour.."
"What are you doing here? All alone...at this hour?" He queried, as if he didn't already know.
"I, ah... I'm helping the flame mages, to thaw him out. I'm still learning, but I'm pretty good." Slate grey eyes blinking at the intruder.
"Your name?"
"Neria..." She answered.
"You're staying at the camp?"
"Y-yes..."
"Good..." It wasn't hard for him to exert an air of authority when he needed. "Don't let him freeze... We need him, and I think he enjoys your company..." Stepping out of the cave.
"I didn't...? Who are you?" She asked. He didn't answer as he left the cave taking off once again to the chill air.
Raven got a towel from the linen closet and laid it on the table. he set the broken pieces of the vase upon the towel, slowly ordering them to see it the broken item could put right.
"o0oo a puzzle!" Swan chimed.
Raven's eye for detail and pattern recognition told him that the piece he needed rested in Swan's palm. After what seemed a long while, Raven rested his chin in the space between his knees to wait for the other to set the piece down. The fair haired Shadowsong humming softly as he twisted and turned the piece of broken vase, Raven's eyes grew heavy. When his brother's shoulders rose and fell in the deep steady rhythm of sleep, Swan placed the piece in his hand where it belonged with a smile.
Waking warm under the blanket that had been draped over him, Raven lifted his head to look around the quiet room. On the counter stood the reordered vase ringed by an inordinate amount of glasses and cups like soldiers protectively encircling a wounded comrade. He rose from the table to pad around the house listening for life. The slow soft hiss of pages being turned told him that his brother was reading in the room he had claimed as his own. The master bedroom offered no such signs of habitation and his brow furrowed that Tidus had not yet returned. As his anxiety over this grew, he went out into the sun room, deciding sweat some of these unwanted worries out through his pores.
He ran the kata just as he had been taught, adding not the little changes he had made to it over the years, but keeping the form pure. Performing the highly technical moveset took his mind off his troubles. As he repeated it, he noticed something more profound. The sweepingly graceful stylized moves required a fair amount of emotion to be placed in them. The longer he flowed through the ordered succession, the more the gestures drew his tumultuous feelings from him and out through the tips of his claws. It made sense to him now why Drogfinn had chosen to teach him this fighting style. It had never been meant for Raven to use in combat, but to allow him an outlet for that which clouded his mind and kept him from achieving the mental control he had struggled with when he was first being trained as a Sin. The revelation, an epiphany, he concentrated on pouring the thoughts and feelings that troubled him into the moves.
Slipping in the front door, looking pretty well and rested despite his night out, Tidus walked though the house wondering where the other two were at. Making his way down the sunroom he'd stand and watch Raven. Blue eyes following the trails the bird's claws traced thru the air.
"Raven." He called out cripsly. When the normally hair triggered young Sin did not flinch at the sudden break in the silence and one corner of mouth slid from it's neutral position to place a lopsided smile on his face, Tidus nodded. "Looks like you're finally ready. Good...Take a breather. Better yet, run through the breathing exercises I taught you and then meet me outside. I need a few minutes to set things up..."
In the clearing in front of the house Raven found a scarecrow with a pumpkin head and some dress from a nearby camp that Aion only knows how Tidus got a hold of. "This is ..." He paused a moment to think of the worst name he could muster "...Blanch... It's your job to protect her from the many lurking dangers."
Raven, his lips pressed tight together as he stifled a laugh at the sight of his ward. Clearing his throat, he straightened himself attempting to keep a serious look on his face as he nodded to Tidus.
"Just because we're assassins doesn't mean we're not capable of protecting others from harm. We have our speed, deception and instincts to aide us... First we'll start with the basics, speed... I'm going to throw my knives at Betsy. I want you to deflect them."
"...Blanch..." Raven corrected softly, already coming to his charge's aid against this minor afront.
"See you and Bella are getting along great already..." The seasoned Sin pulled a throwing knife from it's holster with lightening speed and flung it at the poor pumpkin maiden.
Golden eyes saw the movement of the other's hand marking the blade before it fully left it's sheath. Moving to within range, he snapped the towel he'd draped across the back of his neck after wiping the perspiration from his face earlier. His aim was true and the projectile altered course to land harmlessly in the snow.
"Blanch." He corrected once more as he moved to place himself in front of her.
Tidus had come well armed for this exercise, taking several throwing daggers all at once threaded between each of his fingers, he'd quickly sprint across the snow hurling them one after another at the exposed parts of the pumpkin skillfully, careful not to send any close enough to the bird to pose any serious danger. "Beatrix...Bertha...Brandy,Bettylou,Beaula!"
Raven took the towel by it's ends, doubling it to add heft after swatting the first blade from the air. The towel, far less responsive and controllable he was forced to rely on his speed. Unaccustomed to wielding such an unruly weapon, he found arm knocked back, the sleeve of his coat pinned to the side of Blanch's face.
"Not bad." Tidus acknowledged, giving Raven a moment to unpin himself. "Keep in mind Beth is a pumpkin and this is training, don't get yourself skewered for her... you're also not always going to be prepared 100% of the time, most assassinations deliberately take place when you at your worst. This, of course is where -we- have a distinct advantage over everyone else. We instinctively know where an attack will most likely to come from and when...because it's how we'd take out the target ourselves."
A bit dejected by his failure to protect the pumpkin from harm, Raven nodded as he listened intently. Tidus could see the expression on Raven's face as he handed back the blade. "You look upset, why?" He asked, moving back a distance from the scarecrow flipping the small knife in hand.
"...I failed..." He answered softly.
"I think Brittany will forgive you..."
"...Blanch..." Raven muttered under his breath as he rolled his neck and ankles, preparing for a new assault on his pumpkin ward.
"What ever..." drawing the dagger in a circle as a thought and made his point. "Do people where you come from know everything instantaneously? Never make any mistakes on a first attempt?"
"...No..." He answered.
"Then why are you so bothered?"
Raven gave no answer thinking the question rhetorical. Failure, even if expected due to inexperience was still unacceptable in his household. Golden eyes looking at the snow at Tidus' feet, but he dared not keep his gaze there long should the training resume. Relaxing into the deceptive slouch that allowed finely tuned reflexes to react with liquid grace. His determination not fail again narrowing his eyes.
With no answer given Tidus would tilt his head and wait for one. Enough time had past and with the mental and physical improvements the bird had made, he was no longer going to allow the bird to get off as lightly as he previously had. The boy was ready and he had every intention of pushing Raven as hard as he thought the other could handle from here on out. "Look, you're going to have to tell me something at some point... I know there's more going on in that head of your's than just what happened to you in Elysia..."
His shoulders dropping in resignation, he looked into cobalt blue eyes. "What is it you'd like to know?..." He replied. His face pinching slightly in worry as to what he would be asked.
"Whatever it is you're avoiding telling me? I've watched you struggling, so many times you'd be right on the verge of opening up only to shut right back down. What are you really hiding?"
"Everything!" He answered without reservation, though more loudly than he meant to. The one word summing up the situation. Raven hid everything from everyone. Uncomfortable claws drew thru the bangs that hung on one side of his face.
"Then I'm asking you to tell me everything..." Placing the throwing daggers back for the moment then crossing his arms over his chest listening.
"...Okay..." He started, but without further prompting, he wasn't sure where to go from there. His mouth opened only to close again like the fish out of water in this situation he was.
"Tell me the truth about how you feel about Swan..Dove and some of the others you've mentioned. You don't seem to want him anywhere near you most of the time and I could count the number of words you've said to him on one hand. I know he's stupid... but there's more there."
"It's..." Raven faltered. This was going to be harder than he had thought. "It's not that I don't want Swan -near- me. I do. I love my brother...I don't want him to see me like...-this-..." Once again, he drew his claws thru his hair, covering the eye this time. "Flinching at the slightest touch. Jumping at every sudden noise, at shadows...Losing my mind when the ground drops out from under me, the world around me shattering...Cowering in a corner every time his secretary's high heels click, click, clicked across the floor..." The bird, through gritted teeth continued, the muscles of his jaw clenching. A shudder running through him as he finished.
"Be worried about things that matter not about every little bump in the road. That's what all of those things you listed are, little bumps in the road. Don't be so hard on yourself. Some things are going to take more time than others. I didn't startle you in the greenhouse earlier. That's something..."
" Showing weakness is worse than death..." He replied hollowly. The phrase being spoken by rote.
"You really think weakness is worse than death?" brows narrowing some at the darker haired male.
"...No." Raven answered softly. "...but I know it's unacceptable..."
"To who?" Shrugging at the boy.
"My father first and foremost, but Swan as well...and me. I can't stand not being able to..." Raven huffed, cutting his sentence short as he began to pace, a hand reaching across his stomach to hold onto his other arm as he shook his head from side to side.
"Bullshit...Swan has said nothing about you being weak or failure and frankly he's far from one to be able to talk."
"Swan says a great many things in front of others. It's what he doesn't say that speaks volumes.." Raven countered. "Family shortfalls are not aired on the laundry line ... as father would say..."
"Then you tell me what is it he's not saying...?"
"That he thinks me WEAK! Weepy as a woman and as fearful as a daru at dawn eyeing every shadow!...Because...becasue I AM!..." Raven spat, his voice acidic with the bile of his self recrimination.
"Everyone is weak one way or another because no one is perfect." Tidus countered. "What else did your father used to say?"
"Always be the dutiful brother..." Raven said casting a self-deprecating look toward Tidus as he continued to pace. "I am sure that is why he is here...to keep up appearances. He was always exceptionally good at that. Now as Head of Household, however, he has a new code of conduct to follow. It only a matter of time before he drops the act and leaves."
"Then tell him to go... " Tidus said frankly.
"Hummmph" Raven scoffed, knowing he'd never be able to tell his older brother to do anything. Swan being the eldest, it was Raven's job to do as he was told not the other way around.
"What hummph?" Watching the other male with knit brows
"...It's not my place to do so." Raven answered.
"Wow... I thought you had more balls than that Raven... We're in the business of making people listen and you can't have a firm conversation with your brother..."
"Swan is -family-. He's not a part of our -business- nor does he even know about it.." Raven said with a hint of steel colouring his words.
"Yet you still can't handle it ... " The White Wolf prodded.
"Handle What? My brother? I've let Swan down in every way possible and then some! I no longer have to worry about the other, do I? I've by been discharged, removed from service...cast aside because I'm no longer of any use..." Raven retorted, the anger draining from his words as he drew the end of his thought. "...to anyone..." He added softly casting a baleful look at the scarecrow.
"...Yes handle your brother. If you coming out here and failing to stop a knife hitting a pumpkin kills your focus because of failure, due to your brother having a sheer lack of respect, demand it... Just because he was birthed before you doesn't mean shit, your worth is in what you do. You can kill a man in cold blood but can't stand up to your brother? All because of some arbitrary rules your father saddled you with? " He'd scowl and shake his head "You can't protect yourself let alone someone else with that on your shoulders..."
"If you think you've let Swan down by serving your country in a way he didn't want to, fighting and nearly dying for it, then why would you even want his respect... That's not the way a brother should behave, if you asked me.." The Wolf huffed.
"He doesn't -know- what I've done nor do I think he knows what happened. I haven't told him. Swan, my entire family thinks I was nothing more than an Archon standing watch outside some door in Pandae. Only my father knows how I served the Empire. You cannot hold my brother accountable for things he never knew"
"Then tell him! I'm going by what i -see- and what -you- yourself has said.. If you think he doesn't want to be here anyway then what do you have to loose to let him know..." Tidus pushed relentlessly.
"Tell him? How? How do I do that, Tidus? Sit down at the dinner table and say: 'Swan, everything I've ever told you is a lie. I'm a sin! Your brother's a stone cold killer father was so ashamed of he demanded no one ever know. Could you please pass the salt?'." Raven quipped. "I doubt he could even imagine there being a drop of blood on my hands, let alone the quantity I've spilt and yes, most of it taken after hours of callous calculations. I served my country by being quick, quiet and cold. My targets dispatched without warning, never allowed a chance to properly defend themselves and no mercy given any who stood in my way because -that's- what the Empire sent me to do!"
"...Sure...go for it. If that's what it takes then do it..." The snow haired Scout smirked. "You're an Assassin, yes. A stone cold killer?...no. I'm willing to bet you did most of your wet work in the dark, taking your target out while they were sleeping with one hand over their face or slipping up on them from behind...so you didn't have to carry the look in their eyes home with you. Your hands aren't clean, but what you've done isn't a sin either...Don't you think it would be better in the long run if you just told him the truth? Face it, Raven. He's going to figure it out eventually. I mean, even someone as self absorbed as your brother is bound to notice you walking around sporting a pair of daggers."
"...I can't...I've been doing it for so long. Keeping everyone at arms length. Pushing my brothers, my -mother-, everyone away when they got to close to getting behind the walls I worked so hard to maintain. It was exhausting at first, but it's become second nature now. Do you have any idea how difficult it's been telling you what little I have?" The young Sin asked, his voice cracking under the weight he'd been silently carrying.
"...Yes...I do know. I know exactly how difficult this is for you, Raven. You're doing it though and that says something about how strong you are. " The older Sin acknowledged. "What kind of life is this that you're determined to lead? Does it make you happy to shut everyone out? You don't have to keep those walls up anymore, you know. Swan's here. All you have to do is talk to him Open up just a little" The Wolf continued, pushing Raven harder and harder.
"...I-I can't! Father forbid it! Don't you understand that I CAN'T!" Raven shouted to the sky, shaking hands grabbing fistfuls of sable hair.
"So your father placed a burden on you...Well Raven, good or bad, he's dead... You don't need to keep carrying the weight of all this..." Tidus eased. He'd pushed the bird to the razor's edge of his breaking point. Now, he had to be careful the boy didn't slip off the wrong side, slicing himself to ribbons before he could guide him safely to the landing he'd been working toward.
Floundering, Raven crouched down, his weight on the balls of his feet as he poked a claw into the snow using his hair and the angle of this position's line of sight to keep the other from seeing his face as he struggled against the compulsion to keep everything shuttered away behind a whole array of defense mechanisms he'd spent years honing and perfecting to deal with situtations just like the one he found himself in now.
"The Elyos, your father saw fit to mistreat you, disrespect you. All that's in the past...You're in control now..." Tidus walked over to the crouched bird and did the same, brows knitting as he watched the younger male. "Raven..." The White Wolf took in a long breath, reaching through the long black hair for the others chin, using the edge of his pointer finger to tilt Raven's head subtly to make eye contact. Though no tears had fallen, wet lashes framed the golden eyes that rose with his chin to look into blue ones.
"You can let some of it go, Raven. Your life is your own now...Enjoy what you can, cherish it...Not all of it has to be so hard. You said you had a woodshop, yes? Build a door in that impenetrable wall you've surrounded yourself with and let those who care about you in."
Raven nodded gently against the finger that held his face aloft. Blinking back that which brimmed in his eyes successfully except for the single tear that escaped his efforts to slide down his cheek. He did not, however, look away nor try to hide it as it traced a line down his face.
"Good...see, now we've made progress..." He'd nod, taking back his hand and finding his feet once more. . "We'll resume, but I want you to come inside first..." He said, looking at the pumpkin head with a squint.
"...Ok..." Raven said with some trepidation, but not questioning the older male that had taken him under his wing. Wings that sheltered him in their safety, continuing to protect him from destruction.
Making their way back into the house Tidus would lead them towards the master bedroom and what would seem like a plain panel. Pushing on the wood frame with a gentle click, the panel would slide away and show a small, but nice stash of weapons. Daggers swords and bows the most common of the rack of the wall. "I think it's about time you were armed again."
Raven drew in an audible breath of surprise. His eyes shining at what he considered to be having obtained a new level of trust and worth in Tidus' eyes.
"Don't make me regret this..." Reaching in he'd pull out a pair of daggers, they were hearty and solid with a nice design to them.
"I wo...I'll do my best not to." Raven breathed, correcting his assertive answer to reflect his new acceptance of failure. Before he took them, he looked solemnly into the Wolf's eyes. "I would give these back or drop them where I stand should I feel that moment approach..." He said with the upmost sincerity.
"Good... Go train with them a while. Get used to the feel of them...Raven, I'm teaching something that's new to you. You're going to make a lot of mistakes for a while, so don't beat yourself up so much when you do. Eventually you'll get good at it. Of that I have no doubt..." The Wolf counseled. The older Scout was a hard task master. He wasn't going to go easy on the younger male, but knew the bird was like to be even harder on himself from what he'd come to know.
Raven was already testing their balance in his hand. Throwing a much larger than normal one-sided smile to Tidus as he spun one of the daggers in his palm with ease and control just like Swan had said he was oft to do.
"Go try them outside, see how you like them, string Swan's bow if it will bring some peace."
"Really? You don't want him to do it himself?" Raven asked even though he wouldn't mind doing it as he'd get to fire off some shots to tune it properly.
"You're right... let the lazy bastard work it out for himself..." Tidus amended, closing over the panels.
"Hhhhhhhuuuhhhh" Raven exhaled loudly, kicking himself for walking right into that one.
Tidus smirked, walking out of the room almost chuffed with himself
Raven's disappointment was short lived. Daggers in his hands, went back out into the snow, a bounce in his step.
Tidus Yumemiru
8/31, 8:57am
Tidus Yumemiru
/we can probably leave them there a while let raven play then they can train more, what Tidus was trying to explain to him earlier is that ofc he's going to make a lot of mistakes for a while. And eventually he'll get good.
(new addition 2020)
Tidus made himself some tea, flavored liberally with the amber contents of a bottle he sampled straight first. He took a wooden chair back out with him watch the bird train for awhile, no need to sit in the snow he figured.
Still seated, he flicked a knife from his boot at the pumpkin to get the boy's attention. Pleased when it was deflected by sound alone. "Let's resume..."
"...Now then, I think you'll find your daggers much better at defending the fair maiden than your towel was. This said, they pose a far greater danger to her ...as she might be to you... Betilda there isn't like to be running about screaming her head off or clinging on to you as a frightened person under your protection will often times do. We'll work on that later. In the meantime, you need to -think- about more tightly controlling your movements. Spins and swift, wide sweeping arcs, while good for defecting multiple attacks and when you want to inflict as much damage as you can to as many as possible can be counterproductive in this case. To prevent accidentally slicing a few of Bertha's fingers off as she flutters around you like a Golden Nyaco you'll need to streamline your moves into their most efficient form to achieve your objective. -This- is what we are going to concentrate on for now."
"That other style, the one you changed to when you first destroyed the dummy in the yard outside my home in Sarpan. I want you to use that as a base to build off as I teach you new moves." Tidus instructed.
"NO!" He barked more vehemently than he had intended, as he saw the blood chilling cold that started to darken golden eyes. " ..Not -that- one...The one before it" He corrected more softly.
"...It's okay..." Tidus continued gently, the bird having instantly let loose of the weapons in his hands, taking a step away from where they fell into the snow, his head dipping to cover his face with a different shadow. "...It's okay..." The older male reiterated as he turned away to walk a slow circle as the both of them collected themselves.
"Clear your mind and then run through the moves as you remember them..." The frost maned Sin prompted, his arms crossed tightly across chest. He gave an expectant nod to the other as if what had just transpired hadn't even registered. "...I'll correct you where needed...Go!" He commanded once Raven retrieved the daggers.
Clear, crisp orders shook snow from the laden branches and surgical instructions echoed from off the cliff face behind the house. 'Again', the word repeated over and over until cornflower eyes saw the tip of one of Raven's daggers start to tremble from fatigue. "Run through the kata exactly as I've taught you until no longer able..." The snow maned Sin ordered as he left to walk into the house.
~~~~~~~~~~ ( end of new addition 2020)
Night inched it's way out of the higher branches and down the trunk behind Raven's back as he sat cradling the daggers in his arms long before the dying light closed over of the day he thought may come to count as one of the best in his entire life. Coming to rank among the top three at least. He'd practiced with the daggers for so long his hands felt weak as wet paper. The skin where old calluses had been, tender and red, a couple of blisters slowly filling with fluid. The play of ruddy light and darkling shadow made the blades resting in his lap even more exquisite and he sat enthralled, marvelling at the precious gifts he had been entrusted with.
Swan lay in his room sniffling. The book he had been reading proving to be a tale of selfless heroics and ill fated romance that would tug at even the hardest of hearts. He had set it aside, halfway thru a chapter he could no longer read through the moisture that obscured his vision. Laying on his back as the light of the failing day ticked across the ceiling in it's slow march toward the far wall.
Not wishing to incur any further wrath from the white-haired tyrant in who's home he laid his head, he went to the kitchen to think about how not to poison his fellow diners and himself. He tried. He really did, but his attention wandered. No matter how hard he tried to picture whatever cut of meat he caressed spices over as his belove'd Eldys, it more often than not would exit the oven a barely edible hunk of smoking flesh. While the blonde haired male had an active imagination, it was a stretch even for him to pretend what he set before his host and his brother would pass as anything even remotely palatable. Dutifully, Raven would cut what was set before him into tiny bites he'd swallow as quickly as possible. 'Be ever the dutiful Brother', was the axiom his father had taught them. Swan wished he could be as stoic as his unswervingly obedient brother.
Swan also found himself in a quandary. Wishing Raven to able to break the silence their father had mercilessly drilled into his dark haired son's soul, while admiring his brother's faithful adherence. He wanted just once to have a casual conversation in which his brother would speak to him freely from his heart instead of meticulously filtering every word through what seemed a myriad of mental sieves. There was so much he wanted to ask. So much he wanted to know. Questions he could easily have answered with a single word: speak. As patriarch now, Swan knew it his birthright to command equal obedience from Raven their father had, but loath to do so, he held his tongue.
Swan's stint in the military saw him suffer only the hardship of being away from his home. Risking only the pain of a possible blister from a new boot or perhaps indigestion from indulging in to much rich food. As such, he found it difficult to relate to his brother, who he recently learned had spent years risking his life for the Empire. The younger Shadowsong's selflessness , courage and inner strength had long astounded him, but in the hands of the Elyos, Raven had been made a small and fearful thing because of what he had been willing to do for his country. His brother had always taken on more than was ever asked of him though.
He recalled to mind the hunt, where as a lad of just thirteen, Raven had lain with his life-blood colouring the snow and still tried to raise his hand to stay his father's wrath from falling on his eldest brother. Even though, it was his fault that his youngest brother at the time had been near mortally wounded by the tusks of the tog. Sent to watch over the smallest of the brood, he had been daydreaming when night maned Shadowsong launched himself from the safety of the branches he had dutifully scrambled into to plunge his tiny knife into the back of the crazed boar that bore down on his equally young hunting partner, who frozen by fear had been unable to hoist himself up into the tree.
It was he, who also sat immobile as Raven was tossed like a doll to paint the trees around him crimson from the terrible wound those tusks had wrought. Only when Raven's scream was cut short and the silence crashed in around him had he loosed his arrow that felled the harbinger of his brother's certain death. He had stood dumbfounded by his brothers selfless nobility. The tiny voice he had so oft ridiculed placing all blame on himself, begging his father to be merciful as he pledged on Swan's behalf through teeth clenched in pain, his life ebbing out of his small body into the snow. At that moment, Swan saw the heir his House should have, one he knew he could never be.
Tidus walked in pushing the door shut hard, snow and wind whipping about him as the gap finally closed shaking off any flakes, he'd take a step forward and tilt his head sniffing at the air "Is something burning?"
Sighing, Swans shoulders dropped. He had not yet even begun to ruin the trios evening and already the jibs commneced.
"Oh, I'm just giving you shit Swan..." Placing his bow down near the front door, making his way over to the tragic cook.
" Very nice bow you have there...Would you perchance...like to see the bow I had packed along with us on this cavalcade? You could string it and tell me how it compares." He asked, eyeing the bow that had been set by the door.
"Nope..." The Wolf said, placing his hands on the bench near Swan smirking as he looked over at him. "You're more than able to see to it yourself, but nice try." His expression changing some once he realized Swan was not entirely himself "What's wrong?"
"Just waxing melancholy at the moment. I fear the book from your library has stirred one's emotions. Pay me no mind..." Swan said as he looked about the kitchen stores trying to formulate a meal from what they had on hand.
"Oh? Which one?" He inquired, turning to lean against the counter as he removed his gloves to free his clawed hands
"Some tale of tragic romance and heroic death, I fear. The angst felt over the star-crossed lovers being parted by circumstances beyond their control was too much for me to bear. I had to set it aside and walk away. I take heart in knowing they will surely be reunited. I'm only halfway through, after all." Swan said with a sigh before tapping a finger against his chin. "Anything special you fancy attempting to choke down tonight?" He asked "Should one...prepare my bow...I may be inclined to cook eggs."
"It was likely my mother's. She used to read that kind of thing..." He'd smirk at the comment. "We won't be choking tonight...And no 'Silver' you'll string your own bow like the huntsman you claimed to be. I'll help you cook tonight so we can keep on some of our weight..."
Delighted, Swan clasped his hands before him like a child at Solstice. His hunger being much an advesary of late. "I suppose Rave is out coddling those smelly beasts of his. Should we call him in?"
"You can if you like but we'll still be a few minutes, it'll give him time to get cleaned up. Lay off the livestock, the boy needs a hobby." Taking a pot and scooping out some rice to place in it. "Don't go far, I'm -helping- you cook not doing it for you."
Foiled in his plan to avoid participating in his given chore, Swan stalked to the door and bellowing like a bull into the wind for Raven.
Tidus gave a toothy half grin as he poured the water and placed the pot down to slowly cook. "Yeah, I wasn't born yesterday..." He mumbled to himself going in search of some herbs and meat for their meal in their supplies which were starting to take a dent, a thought crossed his mind as he found himself some brax for their dinner.
Raven rose from where he had been seated. Holding the daggers in his arms not trusting his fingers to have enough strength left in them to maintain a secure grip on the weapons and went to the door where his brother stood waiting. "Clean up. Dinner will be ready soon." Swan intoned. "Clean up was meant for You not those ...those things!" Swan sniped, finding himself feeling annoyed with his younger brother having something new to lavish his affections on as Raven, after entering set about to dry and polish his new daggers.
Tidus may not have been as infatuated with his weapons as much as Raven was, but they were close to his heart all the same and items to be respected. "They're called 'daggers'..."
"Daggers. Fine. I trust they're crafted soundly enough as not to rust away to dust in the time it takes to have a shower..." Swan huffed. "H-horrible. Horrible, ghastly, -cruel- looking things. I don't see how you can stand to even touch them!"
Raven rose without a word and went to the bathroom. His lopsided grin not wiped from his face by his brothers admonishments.
Tidus looked at Swan for a moment blinking at the silverspoon. "At least he can tend to his own weapons all by himself. I think that makes him the bigger boy at the moment..." He remarked, raising a brow.
Swan rolled his eyes and heaved an exasperated sigh as he turned and went to stand in the kitchen.
"Touche". He conceded. "Well. What shall I be ruining tonight? Rice is it? I did a rather good job of running us out in the snow the last time I burned that. Excellent choice!"
"I refuse to believe that you're not capable enough to to cook rice. Set the timer and remove it from the heat to let it finish steaming." Shrugging at the popinjay. Taking a knife from the block he'd gesture for Swan to watch him. "This is how you breakdown a side of brax... see here..." Using the tip of the blade to point at the portion of meat. "This is all fat. No good for people like Raven and I who need to stay lean. Now this...this is the prime section." He grinned tapping the flat of the knife blade against the meat.
"I daresay if Rave was any -leaner- we'd be able to see thru him." Swan countered. "Give him a slice from that fatty part."
Tidus couldn't argue there. Raven had yet to gain his full weight back and even when he did he'd still be considered thin. The bird had the willowy frame and wiry muscles of one suited to run long distances without tiring. "We'll give him a bigger helping..." He compromised, blinking at having heard Swan speaking out on a matter of his brother's welfare. Fine. He'd give the male that small win.
Tidus was sure such a fatty portion wouldn't sit well on Raven's stomach if served it and the bird would burn more calories pushing bits of it around on his plate than he'd manage to keep down, so he cut it away to set aside to be ground into sausage. His blade making light work of the slab of brax. It was obvious in his actions the man knew how to handle a blade. The slice cut for the whip thin male slightly thicker than the rest and edged with a bit of judiciously trimmed hard white fat he had completely removed from his own. It was nothing that would harm him if consumed, the lad having the habit of cleaning his plate and if anything it might help add some much needed additional weight. "There... Happy?" Smirking to Swan, glad he at least cared enough to make the demand.
In the bathroom, Raven removed his gear, leaving it to steam in the room with him. It had been unequally wet by the snow and the steam would do it good before he went about cleaning and oiling it. He draped his woolen sweater over the standing mirror beside the sink. There was space on the wall where a larger mirror should hang, though none hung now much to Swan's displeasure. While not actively engaged with his own looks to a point that could be seen as vanity, the eldest Shadowsong did on occasion fall into fits of preening. Raven, on the other hand, while never overly concerned about his appearance had recently developed an aversion to all but the most fleeting of glances at mirrors even before the snow-maned Scout had absconded with him.
"A fatty one for me too! I like a bit of fat for flavor..." Swan added as he peered over at what the other was doing.
Looking Swan up and down briefly he'd cut off another section with fat 'for flavor', placing it in a pan near the rice. "Here you can take over now." Adding in some oil to prevent sticking. "I'm right here so I can keep an eye on it, but you need to learn."
Swan licked his lips even before the meat began to sizzle, perfuming the air with it's heady aroma. He was indeed delighted to have the other nearby, they might actually enjoy a meal for once.
Stepping away only for a moment and coming back to Swan with herbs in hand he'd show them before tearing them up and placing them in the pan. "Grobule, camalot...This is neunan...here you can smell it, this'll give anything a real punch."
Dropping the soap several times, Raven did not relish sitting at the dinner table. Ardently he hoped the meal would be something he did not need to cut up. Though the hot water had steamed away the stiffness that the cold air outside had set into his aching hands, his fingers still felt as weak and unruly as wet noodles.
Swan leaned in to sniff the herbs Tidus held out. Pulling back his head with a squich of his nose at the strong scent wafting from the neunan.
Tidus Yumemiru
9/2, 8:13am
Tidus Yumemiru
/ lol! dropped the soap