Chapter Eight – The Father

I hate to admit that I feel like a child. A child who has just been told off for keeping his bedroom light on and to stop reading comic books under the sheets with a nightlight. Only, my life didn't really have any of that. It had my parents being out late at night and the housekeeper making sure that I was in my room. I didn't live in the worlds of comic books and fantasy, I preferred to read my father's movie and TV scripts and thought of a day when I could stand side by side with him.

I was on my way to having that happen, I was on my way to be considered an actor that was truly capable of carrying on my father's legacy. I was about to be capable of that before I lost my eyesight, before my face got burned. At least I can't see the scarring from the burn, that is a positive about my condition.

I hear the door to the room open and I hear two sets of footsteps. "Dad?" I ask as I try to turn towards the sound and hear my dad coming towards me. I hear him come closer and then feel his body. His hand is pressed onto my shoulder and I can even feel his fingers stretching across the fabric but it really is dark and I don't even know what color of shirt he's wearing.

That thought depresses me. Colors are beautiful and everyone should get a chance to see them except I can't see the colors anymore. I can't see the blue of the sky or the ocean and the green of plants and trees. I just am hoping beyond hope that one day my eye sight is restored.

I don't know who the person who came with Dad is but they seem to have a musky aroma of some kind of exotic cologne. My sense of smell has been heightened since the accident. "Boss?" I ask unsure. I don't know who else it would be.

"It's good to see you," I hear Boss tell me and he smiles before I can hear him sitting down. "I came here because I wanted to ask you for something, no, let me rephrase that, how are you doing?"

I pause. That's not really rephrasing it but I know what he's trying to do. I know what they are all trying to do. They are trying to treat me with respect but really it doesn't matter. I'd be happier if they weren't all trying to tiptoe around me. I'm not attempting to be a burden to them and so I'd like it if they stopped making me feel that way.

"I'm fine, considering," I tell him and look away. I really should be fine. I hear by Boss's exhale that he doesn't believe me but he doesn't want to push on the subject which makes me wonder about why he came here. I let his words run across my mind once again before I slowly breathe, "Kuon. It's Kuon," I decide and Boss takes a slow breath.

"Kuon," he repeats and I nod, "Did you want to give a statement to the press about that?" Boss asks and I hear Dad's breath catch in his throat. I know that Dad is worried about me but maybe this is the best option. If this all gets out in public then we don't have to worry about any ugliness coming through unexpected. I nod again.

"We can think about that," Dad says and I know that he's trying to protect me rather than take charge of my life but the only person who can truly choose what happens is me and I've lived for so many years being independent. I am glad for Dad's support but I can live life the way that I choose.

"I'm ready to be Kuon, it's not like Ren exists much anymore," I tell them and hear Dad sigh.

Boss takes a deep inhale, "Well," he finally sighs, "You have any tea Shuuhei?" he asks and Dad jumps up as he says that and I can hear his nervous shuffling. I lean forwards and let my head bow – not that it makes any difference – and Dad turns to me.

"Kuon, do you want tea?" he asks and I nod. "Okay, I'll go get some for us," he says before leaving the room and I feel the pain inside of me. I don't think that there's a way of reversing this situation but I can at least steer it where I would like it to go and where I want it to go this time is getting my eyesight back, getting back to work, enjoying life again.

For some strange reason, it feels as if it would be easier to do all of that as Kuon Hizuri. Maybe I should give Kuon a shot at least.

…..

…

As I look over from the stove, I can see Kuon awkwardly accepting his position in this life. He isn't aware of his body or the fact that he's missed a button or the fact that his clothes don't match at the level that he's had them before. I know that in his current situation, the fabric is much more important than the look. It's important that he feels good with what he's wearing but I can't help but think of all that he's missing out on.

I'm his father. Even though I haven't really had the chance to say that to him, it doesn't change the fact that he is my son. I know that I consider Kyoko a son as well but I only have one biological son and he's hurting and I'm scared that I won't be able to do anything for him.

I feel the pain in my chest. It's the same pain that came every day for six months after he walked out on his old life. It was for the best but the fact that I lost him and the way Julie blamed me for the pain and told me she hated me. It made me feel like what I had done was wrong but I had to be the bad guy for them. Right now, I'm not sure what kind of a role my son needs me to take on but he's more important than my career. If my career goes down in flames I'll just think of how lucky I am that Kuon didn't have that fate.

I trust that Boss will be able to arrange all the paperwork that is needed to be signed and be able to work things so that Kuon isn't fined for not being able to complete the contracts that he signed. It is in there that if you have a debilitating injury, you shouldn't be found at fault for not being able to complete the work you were contracted to do. The future though, that will depend on what the doctors can do for my little boy.

I probably shouldn't be eavesdropping on the two of them talking. Kuon is an adult now and he has been independent long before he was considered a true adult. He hasn't needed parental support for a long time. I should be respectful and not eavesdrop on the conversation but when I'm this concerned for him, it's really hard to avoid those sentiments.

"So," Boss says and I try to tell myself that I am not a part of this and to ignore the conversation. "How does it feel with your father so close?" he asks and my eyes widen. I can't stay out of this conversation any longer. They mentioned me. Boss asked Kuon his thoughts about me. I'm not strict enough with myself to not want to hear that answer.

"I can see that Dad cares for me now," he says and my heart breaks. He wasn't able to see that earlier? I sigh. Maybe it's because I didn't chase after him because I was worried about his life not getting better when he was grieving for Rick. I want to tell him how much I love him. I need to show that to him. I don't just care for him, I love him unconditionally with all of my heart.

"He does more than that," Boss tells Kuon, "He does truly love you."

I smile and hear Kuon chuckle at that. I hear the kettle ringing as the steam comes out and I pour some water into a cup. I try to maintain my composure but I doubt that Kuon can see that I haven't really been able to shave or properly style my hair today, as long as I pretend that everything is normal then he can't see the truth. I prepare the tea and as I'm bringing it to the next room, Boss says something that makes me stumble a little.

"How about you come to LME tomorrow," he says and I stare at Boss with wide eyes. I don't say anything, this is Kuon's choice of whether or not to go but Kuon going to LME scares me. I close my eyes and smile weakly.

"I'll come with you if you want me to," I offer and he turns to me. I look at him, just wanting to take so much care of him and if there was a way I could switch positions with them then I would. Kuon nods and I put my hand on his shoulder. I am there for him. I want to be his father. I hope I have earned the right to be known as his father.

…

…

Dad is shifting in his spot as we sit down on some chairs in the hallway of the agency. I can feel by the way that Dad is moving that each time someone comes near us, they are staring at us and not sure whether or not to say anything. I should have known that coming with Dad would make me more conspicuous.

I look down and Dad carefully places his hand on my back. I hear someone approach and I feel myself get a little bit more tense from the nerves. Dad, of course, notices this but before he says anything I hear Sawara-san looking at us.

"Hizuri-sama," he says to Dad and I cough. I wonder how they would have reacted to me had I completed my own journey and moved to the US. I should have stayed on the path but I did this to protect Kyoko. I wanted most of all for Kyoko to be safe. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to take care of Tsuruga-san," Dad says, "for a friend."

I sigh and shake my head before turning in the direction of Sawara-san. I've of course spoken to the head of the talent department numerous times but I would say that Kyoko has a better working relationship with him than I do. Maybe she explained how this happened. He at least hasn't said anything about my face but the rumors must be spreading for miles.

"He's my dad," I tell Sawara who gasps and Dad puts a hand on my upper arm.

"Are you sure?" he asks and I nod. Dad sits back and I raise my chin in the direction of Sawara-san again.

"Kuu HIzuri is my father, I am his son. He's here to support me and help me if I need it."

I hear a hushed silence for a moment before people start commenting on the news. Admittedly, it could have gone a lot smoother but I want to prove how proud I am of being his son despite the situation that I've found myself in.

End of Chapter Eight

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H-Nala, Kaname671, paulagato