Chapter 5: Memores Acti Prudentes Futuri*
19 August 1997
12 Grimmauld Place
Reconnaissance. That's what they called it, but honestly, it was a chance to get out of the house so Hermione and Remus could talk. Sirius had taken Harry and Ron to an alley just a few streets away from the entrance to the Ministry of Magic. They were supposed to be spying on their targets. Supposed to be, but instead, they were all lost in their own worlds thinking of the two lycanthropes back at Grimmauld Place.
Hermione had finally woken up in late afternoon. Remus pushed his guilt aside for her sake and helped her move downstairs. They were seated in the kitchen, as neither had been willing to sit in the drawing room. Neither had said anything; it was just understood.
Hermione was silent for a while, just watching Remus, trying to focus on his face and not think about the reality of her situation. She could practically feel her body changing as the lycan curse ripped through her blood. She felt stuck in a skin that was no longer hers.
"Remus?" Every sound she made came out like a question. "It's done, right? I mean, this is it? I'm-I'm a werewolf now?"
Remus barely looked up from the mug in his hands. He nodded slightly, still avoiding Hermione's eyes. He couldn't bear to look into them knowing he would see a part of himself staring back.
"Remus? I-I—what do we do now?"
Remus flinched a little at her use of "we." He looked at her now, finally taking in her full appearance. Her clothes were changed. She had transfigured one of Sirius' old t-shirts into a tank top so her shoulder wouldn't be too bothered. Both of her arms were covered in bruises and scratches. There was a lumpy bruise on the left side of her face that caused her to flinch whenever she made too big of a facial expression.
But the bite.
My bite.
It caused a physical reaction in Remus. A part of him recoiled inward at the sight, pushing forward revulsion, shame, and guilt. But another part. The fact that he couldn't help the surging feeling of pride whenever he saw the throbbing pink half-moons made him nauseous. He wanted to rip what was Moony out of his chest. He felt sick, disgusted, and dirty, but also proud and satisfied and whole. He tried to shove Moony away, but the wolf was more persistent than ever.
She's back.
Who's back?
You know who, Remus.
What are you playing at Moony? How could you do this? We had a deal.
Blah, blah, deals are meant to be broken.
Not this one.
It had to happen. Think of the timing, this was it.
I can't watch her face this.
You won't have to…
"Remus?" Hermione's soft voice pulled him from his inner turmoil.
"Sorry, er, what were you saying?"
Hermione sighed deeply. She rose from her seat slowly and made her way over to Remus. Taking the seat beside him, she reached for his hand and held it in hers. "Listen, I don't blame you. You didn't have wolfsbane. Honestly, all of this is my fault. If I hadn't forgotten my wand—Anyway, I forgive you, Remus. And I know you won't believe me and you'll still beat yourself up about it, but I really do. I forgive you."
Eyes wet, Remus looked down at the table, ashamed of his behavior. Here he was sulking over what he'd done, when Hermione was being the strong one. It should be him taking her hand and comforting her. Not the other way around. He took a deep breath before speaking.
"There are three stages to the lycan disease. Each stage is longer and worse than the one before. You're in the first stage, right now. This is when the lycanthropy enters your bloodstream and essentially changes your DNA. It's a bit painful from what I remember. You should be aware of it moving through your body."
Hermione nodded. She was experiencing a throbbing, tingling sensation in her arms and legs, and it burned. She thought back to getting flu shots as a little girl and imagining she could feel the medicine coursing through her veins. This, now, felt as if each pump of her heart was pushing the lycanthropy further and further into her. It didn't hurt too badly. In truth it was more uncomfortable than painful, but if it was only going to get worse from here, Hermione wasn't sure she was as ready as she thought.
"The second stage—I don't know how helpful my experience will be for you, as we were different ages when-when, er, when bitten. Once your blood is fully lycan, the disease starts to change your body and mind. Think of it as puberty part two, only with more anger. All of your senses will be heightened. It's a bit of a shock and will take getting used to. I'll see if I can get you some sunglasses and earplugs. It may help. Your muscles and metabolism will change as well. It's going to be hard for you to put on weight–"
Hermione scoffed, thinking back all the time at Hogwarts spent overhearing Lavender and Parvati complain about their physical faults and wondering if there must be something wrong with her as well. Remus seemed to notice her reaction.
"It's true. Call it a silver lining, but I've never had to feel guilty about the amount of chocolate I consume."
Hermione smiled.
"Aside from the physical changes, you'll be moody. Very moody. Complex emotions will be compounded to basic urges. Anything you feel will be a thousand times stronger. If you're hungry, you'll feel like you haven't eaten in weeks. If you're tired, you'll feel as if you could sleep for years. And if you're feeling—well, that is to say, if you find yourself—" Remus blushed and cleared his throat. "Er, yes, you're—Essentially, you're going to feel a lot less control over your actions."
Hermione blushed. She knew exactly what Remus was struggling to say. She and Remus were close, of course, but romantic interest was one topic they never dared discuss. It was a silent agreement between the two that seemed to have existed well before their friendship. Puberty part two, indeed.
"Will I have to deal with heightened emotions forever?" Hermione bit her lip worriedly.
"No, no. Well, the worst of it should only last until about your second full moon. That's not to say you won't have to work to control your emotions ever—because you will—but it gets easier. Before you know it, you'll only be conscious of it in the days before the full moon."
Hermione nodded and picked her tea back up. She didn't sip from it, just held the cup close to her lips, letting what little steam was left roll over her face. She looked up at Remus, who was studying her very carefully. She set the cup back down.
"And the third stage?"
"Officially—and mind you this is what is said in the official Ministry books on lycanthropy—"
Hermione frowned. "Which we know are basically hippogriff shit."
Remus couldn't help but smile. "Right well, officially, the third stage is the first full moon. You experience your first transformation and then, boom, you're officially a werewolf. But if you ask me, the third stage is the rest of your life, living as a werewolf."
Hermione looked down at her tea at the mention of her first full moon. The countdown had already begun.
"I don't remember much about how I dealt with the changes after I was bitten, but I'll never forget my first full moon." Remus stopped talking, an air of discarded memories settling over him, and Hermione didn't press him. She knew he would tell her in time. She didn't need to be scared now. She could wait.
"Remus, I-I'm not sure how I'm going to face them when they get home." Hermione blushed at the ridiculousness of her fear, but she couldn't deny it.
"Hermione." Remus' voice deepened all of a sudden, and Hermione could have sworn she heard a bit of a growl. "If I thought for a second that Ron, Harry, or Sirius would look at you or treat you any different—Honestly, I would have taken you somewhere else before you even woke up."
Remus' candor and intensity shocked her. Hermione wanted to laugh and tease Remus for being so wolfish and territorial, but on the inside she wanted to cry. Remus made her feel safe, and that was really all she could ask for at the moment.
When Harry, Ron, and Sirius returned after finally getting around to actually observing Ministry workers, they found Hermione in the library surrounded by old, dusty books and Remus in the kitchen making tea.
Hermione got up to welcome them back, groaning slightly at the moment to her shoulder before stopping them at the entryway. "Okay, security questions."
"Really, Hermione? Can't you just trust it's us?"
"Oh, honestly, Ronald, it's a miracle you haven't been seriously harmed."
"Hmph, okay then, get on with it."
"Alright, then." She looked at Harry. "What was the spell I performed during Quidditch tryouts sixth year?"
Harry chuckled. "A confundus charm."
Ron looked at the two with a puzzled expression.
"Okay, Ronald, what did I tell you the morning after the Black Lake challenge during the Triwizard Tournament?"
"You said, er, that it didn't matter that I was Harry's chosen person, because…" He rolled his eyes. Hermione grinned. "Because you didn't need a test to validate your friendship."
Sirius barked out a laugh and mumbled something under his breath.
"Remus? Do you want to ask Sirius a question? I'm afraid I don't have as much material to work with."
Sirius' face fell a bit but brightened back up when his friend entered the room.
"Alright Padfoot, what was my first guess of what your Animagus form was?"
"You thought I would be some sort of cat. Dumbest mistake you've ever made, my dear Moony." Sirius walked past the trio to threw his arm around Remus before turning to the others. "Moony here thought I'd be a regular old house cat. Remember why? Because I do. Something like, Sirius is going to be a pussycat on account of his penchant for—"
"Okay, well before this turns into another round of Let's-Remember-the-Glory-Days, I'm going to get some rest. I'm glad you all are back safe and sound." Hermione smiled at the boys and turned out of the room. She could hear Harry and Ron already whispering to Remus, questioning him about how she was doing.
"Hermione, wait."
Hermione turned just three steps up the staircase. Sirius was looking up at her. He ran his hand through his dark locks before stepping closer.
"I just wanted to make sure you're okay."
"I'm okay, Sirius. I think—I think I'm going to be okay. Honestly, I don't know what I would do without you all here." Hermione looked down at her bare feet. She wondered briefly if she had any nail polish in her bag upstairs. She wiggled her toes.
"Hermione, if there's anything you need…" Sirius let the sentence hang. Hermione lifted her gaze to meet Sirius' eyes. They were filled with such emotion Hermione was a bit taken aback. She couldn't quite put a name to what had overtaken his grey eyes.
"Thank you, Sirius, I really appreciate it."
"It's nothing at all, Pup. I'd—We'd do anything for you."
Hermione stayed awake in bed long after she left the boys. She stared at the ceiling thinking over just how different life had become in just a few months. When her thoughts turned to the war and the challenges that had yet to face, she determined her new "condition" would simply have to be nothing more than a bump in the road. There were more important things. She made a mental note of all she would try to accomplish over the next few days and repeated the list in her head until she drifted off to sleep.
Polyjuice potion. Plan for the ministry. Research lycanthropy.
Polyjuice potion. Plan for the ministry. Research lycanthropy.
Polyjuice potion. Plan for the ministry. Research lycanthropy.
Chapter Title Translation: *Mindful of Things Done, Aware of Things to Come