Emma had never spent a Purge Night in an actual bar before, and found it made a lot of sense considering how much alcohol she consumed during one. Obviously this had never really been feasible before now, as all businesses shut for this event.

It may not be smart, her spending the night alone in a building which all knew was filled with liquor on a night where breaking into said building to take said liquor was completely legal. But she had no options left, yet again. A year which had started off with such promise, a new job for herself and her brother with a baby on the way, had turned out to be one of her worst. Luckily being the realist – pessimist – that she was, Emma knew that things couldn't keep going her way for long and therefore hadn't been surprised when they had stopped. You ran before you could be proved wrong spoke the voice in her head that had remarkably changed recently to have a British accent. Emma shook her head to rid the voice and the blue eyes that accompanied it from her mind.

Emma was slouched on the floor behind the bar, various bottles of spirits arranged in front of her, trying to ignore the sounds from the streets. She had linked the chain across the outside of all the doors and barricaded the chairs and tables up to all the entrances but one – the staff entrance hidden round the back alley remained simply locked by key, in case she needed to make a quick getaway. Never hide out somewhere without having a way out. It was a useful tip, and Emma fought hard not to think about the face from long ago who had taught her this along with other spools of wisdom for life as a runaway.

She'd thought about putting music on but didn't want anyone to know that the building wasn't as deserted as it seemed. The tangled headphones in her pocket would prevent others from hearing her music but would also prevent her from being alerted to any intruders, so silence was the only answer. Also that would mean her using her phone and that was an act which she stubbornly avoided these days. The device remained turned off on the floor beside her.

And what better way to fast track this night than alcohol. A lot of alcohol.

…

A slamming door startled Emma awake, causing her to hit her head against the bar she had been leaning against. When had she fallen asleep? That question was quickly dismissed in favour of a more pressing and serious one. Who had just entered the building?

Emma pushed herself to standing, now regretting the amount of liquor she had consumed as her current grogginess would not help her to fend off this threat. She did a quick scan of the doors and saw that her make-shift barricades were still intact. Emma was about to reason that it had been a noise from outside which had pulled her from her slumber, before she heard footsteps approaching from the back rooms. Emma picked up an empty bottle, breaking it on the bar so that she held a jagged piece of glass in her hand for a weapon. She then stood in wait for the intruder to pass through the entrance to this side of the bar, listening to their breathing to analyse the best time to strike. They were nearly upon her, only a few more steps and…

"Bloody hell." The British accent which Emma had not heard for months – apart from when donning the voice in her head – caused her to gasp. The footsteps came to an abrupt halt. "Who's here?" Emma stayed frozen, having somehow not thought of this as a possibility. "Look I am not going to hurt you, but this does happen to be my establishment so I believe I do have a right to know who has been drinking my liquor." He could clearly see the bottles lying haphazardly on the floor. "I do happen to be best mates with a cop and, although he cannot make any arrests this night, I'm sure he will happily come to my aid if I requested it."

"Don't!" Emma could only think of one thing that would make this any worse, and that would be her brother showing up.

"Swan…?" Killian choked out, tripping over his feet and a few glass bottles as he entered the space behind the bar. His blue eyes widened as they met her green ones, causing Emma to quickly avert her gaze down to his shoes. "It's really you." Killian moved towards her and Emma stumbled backwards, needing to keep some space between them. Even without looking in his eyes she could tell she had hurt him. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Emma knew that wasn't fair, seeing as he owned the place and she had been MIA.

"As I previously stated, I own this establishment or have you forgotten that?" Killian bit out, clearly frustrated with her question avoidance. "Now it's your turn."

"Needed a drink." Emma shrugged in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Very drole, Swan, but I am sure you are aware that that is not what I was referring to." He sounded angry, angrier than Emma had heard him in the months she had spent being his employee. Being his friend.

"Well there is a Purge going on out there, or have you forgotten that?" Emma crossed her arms, clenching her fists as she used his own snark back at him. She let out a gasp, dropping the shard of glass which she had kept hold of and what had now caused a cut across her hand.

Killian tutted reaching for the bottle of rum she had partaken in and placing it on the bar top. He then reached for her hand, tutting once more as she pulled away. "Your hand, it's cut, let me help you."

"No, it's fine." Emma held her hand away from him, wincing as she spotted trickles of blood forming.

"No, it's not." Killian took her hand with a sort of forceful gentleness, resting it on his prosthetic to inspect the wound.

"So now you're gonna be a gentleman?" Emma swallowed past the lump in her throat.

"I'm always a gentleman." Killian's voice was sad, where Emma was expecting his usual bravado. She didn't think any more on the reason for this, however, as the rum was poured onto the cut causing Emma to gasp in pain. "A bloody waste of rum." Killian grumbled as he retrieved a clean cloth and began to wrap her injured hand with it. Emma fought to keep her breathing under control, lying to herself that it was down to her stinging hand rather than the man tending to her. He then did an obscene move at tying off the cloth using his teeth, and Emma was lucky that she didn't audibly moan. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing to her, holding her eye contact the entire time. "You're welcome." He added once he let her hand drop, apparently pleased with his first aid skills.

"I don't remember asking for your help." Emma bit back, slumping back down against the bar.

"Of course you didn't, cause when would the great Emma Swan ever ask for help." Killian waved his arm dramatically towards her.

They stayed in uncomfortable silence for what seemed like hours, Emma on the sticky bar floor and Killian on his feet leaning against the bar. It had never been this awkward between them, apart from perhaps the night that they met. Both situations had been Emma's fault, and she was positive that Killian wouldn't be giving her the outs he did last time.

"So…" Emma started at his voice and once again hit her head against the bar. Great once again he was proving to be the better person. Before Killian could say anything else, Emma decided to take some control back of the night.

"I thought you'd be spending the night with David."

"Ah, well, I was actually until I found myself very much in need of a few libations." Killian reached down to swipe up a bottle of whiskey, taking a large gulp as if to prove his statement.

"What, did you drink them dry already? Impressive." Emma tried to discern if Killian appeared at all drunk, but to her he seemed relatively sober. Although she figured it would be easy for anyone to appear sober next to her right now.

"Alas they were already, as you put it, 'dry' upon my arrival. Seems the lady of the house has enforced some sort of prohibition for a few months now." Killian stared at Emma pointedly.

"Oh…" Emma simultaneously felt the urge to consume all of the liquor in front of her and to never drink again. She scrubbed her hands across her face to remove the tears that had decided to suddenly wet her cheeks. However, her efforts were in vain, as more simply replaced them.

"Lass, look…I…oh bloody hell…" Killian dropped to the floor next to her, feeling guilty for bringing up these memories in her. Lord knows he wasn't judging her. "Please accept my apologies, Swan, I-"

"You don't need to apologise…If anyone needs to it's me…" Emma sniffled, trying to get control of herself which was improving difficult when all her drunk-self wanted was to bury into his arms until the world stopped spinning so quickly.

"Look, I don't really know what happened that day and why it affected you so, but your family has been worried for you." Killian reached out and took her uninjured hand in his. "We all have been."

"You don't have to worry about me…" Emma mumbled, not pulling her hand from his and rather taking the comfort he was offering.

"Aye, well, sadly we can't chose who worries about us in this world." Killian's voice was so open with emotion, much like David's had a tendency to be when speaking to her. Her dear brother who she missed so badly and who had the unluck in life to love her.

The Nolan's new house was covered in pink and blue decorations – balloons, bunting, streamers. Every single food item was also designed to fit the colour code that had been well established on the invites which were sent out some weeks prior. Emma had rolled her eyes upon receiving the invitations, not because of the party itself – anyone who knew Mary-Margaret would know she would be having a gender reveal party – but because it stated all guests must wear at least one item of either colour as their guess at the gender. As if anyone could know this besides the ultrasound technician.

Emma had softened somewhat to the idea, mostly seeing how excited her brother was to learn the baby's gender. So here she stood, helping to hang confetti filled balloons from tree branches and lines of string strung between them.

"Swan, nice to see you getting into the spirit of things." Killian strolled into the garden, holding his own box of balloons to add to her display.

"If you can't beat them…"Emma shrugged, tying off a balloon and turning towards her friend. It was then that she took in his outfit and nearly tripped over her own feet. "What the hell are you wearing?"

"Ah this, I look rather dashing don't you think?" Killian placed the box on the ground so he could do a dramatic sweeping motion over his bright pink suit with white shirt underneath.

"You look ridiculous." Emma scoffed, quickly drawing her eyes away from the chest hair poking out of the unbuttoned portion of his shirt.

"At least I am adhering to the events colour-schemed dress code." Killian waved a hand to gesture at Emma's black dress. Not that he was complaining. On the contrary he was enjoying the way the bottom of the dress swished around her mid-thigh. "Pray tell, what gender are you hinting for the babe to be?"

"You're not looking close enough." Emma held her hand out towards him, showing off the pink nail polish she was donning.

"Ah, well, seems we are on the same team." Killian winked before taking her outstretched hand in his and laying a kiss to each of her knuckles. Emma's breath caught in her throat, still unable to handle how quickly he managed to flip exchanges from banter to affection. Wait…affection? Emma surprised herself by not pulling her hand away at that thought.

"It does seem that way." Emma smirked as Killian's eyes widened slightly at her tone, not in the least bit sarcastic. "What is it you're always saying, that we make quite the team?"

"That we do, Emma." Killian straightened up but didn't let her hand drop, therefore bringing her a few steps closer to him. Emma was almost too busy revelling in the atmosphere they'd created to notice his use of her first name. Killian rarely used her first name, even at work, unless it was for something serious. Emma didn't know what else to say, or if anything else needed to be said. All she could think about was how his lips had felt against her skin. She wasn't sure who leaned in first but suddenly there was very little air between them…

The sudden sound of commotion caused them to spring apart, casting their eyes towards the back door to the house where the couple of honour stood.

"Sorry, we just…didn't want to interrupt." Mary-Margaret gushed as she lay her hand on her husband's arm, probably in an attempt to calm him. David was glaring daggers at his best mate.

"You weren't interrupting anything." Emma answered far too defensively, stepping even further away from the man she had NOT been about to kiss.

"Aye, mate," Killian scratched behind his ear, the blush in his cheeks matching the colour of his suit. "We were just commenting on how we are Team Pink."

David grunted and crossed his arms, clearly forgetting he was holding onto a balloon which he had been planning to string up and was now whizzing down the garden.

"Oh, David, the confetti will come out!" Mary-Margert gasped, clasping her hands over her eyes to not ruin the surprise.

"I'll get it." The father-to-be was more concerned with not spoiling this day for his wife than fixating on the scene they had just walked in on.

"Nonsense, mate, no need to ruin the surprise for yourself. I'll retrieve the balloon and any coloured confetti I find." Killian took off to where the balloon had come to a stop.

"Why don't you two go inside? I'll make sure he gets it all." Emma ushered her brother and sister-in-law back through the back door.

"I think he's more than capable…" David grumbled, then trailed off at a look from his wife. "What? I just think it would be nice for Emma to find out with us like we planned it."

"Sure." Mary-Margret said in a way which clearly meant she wasn't buying her husband's excuse. The mother-to-be was looking forward to having Emma share in the gender reveal as well, but she wouldn't stand in the way of whatever was brewing between the pair in the garden.

"Successful?" Emma walked back out to where Killian was jamming handfuls of confetti into his trouser pockets.

"In cleaning up the confetti and keeping the answer from the soon-to-be-parents and their guest, yes. In guessing the gender of the baby, unfortunately not." Killian sighed as he opened his palm to reveal a scrunched bundle of confetti. Blue confetti.

"Wait…so this means…" Emma managed to croak out from her suddenly dry mouth.

"It's a boy, Emma."

Emma was thrust back to a time many years ago, handcuffed to a hospital bed with faulty lighting surrounded by strangers. The pain, the fear, the guilt. And then the doctor saying those exact words: It's a boy, Emma.

She didn't remember how she left Killian in the garden, thinks she made some excuse about needing the bathroom. Which was where she currently was, so it wasn't exactly a lie. The bottle of whiskey in her hand…well she wasn't entirely sure how she came to be in possession of that either.

A boy. In a couple of months there was going to be a baby boy in their lives, in her life, forever.

How had she not thought of the possibility that it could be a boy? Her wearing pink nail polish hadn't been a guess in her eyes, in had been a certainty. How the hell had she managed to fool herself into that way of thinking?

Emma scrambled through the bathroom cabinets, quickly finding nail polish remover and cotton buds. She scrubbed hard, removing all trace of colour from her outfit. Her eyes caught Mar's nail polish collection, spotting a blue instantly. She thought about it, using this to change her 'guess', but she just couldn't.

She wasn't sure how long she stayed in the bathroom, sloshing whiskey down her throat and trying to push the memories of the worst time of her life back where they belonged. All she knew was that the bottle had definitely had a sizeable amount of liquor in it and was now empty.

There was a knock on the door. Emma hurriedly stashed the whiskey bottle under the sink to be dealt with later, dabbed a tissue over her face in an attempt to preserve what make-up she had left and exited the bathroom. Luckily the waiting party-goer was no-one Emma knew so she didn't receive any questions or concerned glances. At least not from this woman.

As Emma made her way through the house, it was clear that many guests had since arrived. She guessed this was lucky for her, as surely her brother and sister-in-law would be too busy being hosts to worry about her. With that thought Emma headed to the kitchen for a beer before making her way out to the garden. Big mistake. She had forgotten about the one other person who had taken it on to worry about her, and who wasn't distracted by hosting duties.

"There you are, Swan, I thought you'd fallen down the toilet." Killian smirked as he spotted her across the garden. But the smirk soon fell from his face when he took in her staggering walk. The man quickly took her arm and steered her to the side of the house, away from the gathering. "Have you been drinking?"

"Duh, it's a party." Emma held up the beer in her hand, waving it in front of his face before taking a gulp.

"Emma, you reek of whiskey." Killian took the beer from her hand, dropping it to the ground so that liquid poured onto the grass.

"Hey!" Emma shouted indignantly, pushing his arm as he tried to take hers once more.

"What's wrong, lass?" Killian implored her to talk to him.

"Nothing." Emma spat out, trying to get round him and back to the party.

"You say that, Swan, but I'm actually quite perceptive and I've gotten to know you rather well over the past few months." Killian rubbed his hand down his face in frustration. "Look, clearly finding out that you're going to have a nephew has upset you. I'm just trying to help."

"Well, don't. I don't need your help, will you just back off." Emma pushed past him, needing to get some air even though they were already outside.

"Swan, wait." Killian grabbed at her arm, knowing that once she was sober she would wish she had taken time to compose herself.

"Why? So can tell me more bullshit about how well you know me?" Emma turned on him, not registering that they were now in the main section of the garden again. "You clearly don't because if you did you'd know why I didn't want to come to this party in the first place!"

"Emma…" Killian tried to stop her, clocking that her sister-in-law was standing close by watching the interaction.

"Oh, go ahead, seeing as I'm such an open book please tell me why finding out it's a boy has upset me so!" Emma heard a gasp from behind her and quickly spun around to see her sister-in-law staring with tears in her eyes. "I…I didn't…" But what could she say? She had ruined it like she ruined everything. One of the happiest days of the lives of the two people she cared for more than anything. So Emma did what she did best, Emma ran. And this time no-one went after her. Not that she blamed them.

"Lass, I apologise, I didn't mean to take you back to that day." Killian looked so self-deprecating, as if any pain or guilt she was feeling right now was his fault. Emma couldn't stand it.

"I had a baby." Emma mumbled out, not really deciding to tell him but needing to say it out loud. To absolve him.

"What?" Killian blinked at her. Of all the things he was expecting her to say, that wasn't one of them.

"When I was 16, I was seeing an older guy. David didn't approve, neither did Ruth honestly. Anyway I ran away with him and got knocked up. I never even held him." Emma choked out that last bit, it was her biggest regret. But she knew now, as she had done then, if she had held him then she might have kept him. And that wouldn't have been best for anyone.

"Emma, I'm so sorry." Killian gently rested his arm across her shoulders, monitoring her reaction. She leaned into his side and he tightened his arm slightly. "Dave never mentioned…"

"He doesn't know. No-one knows. Only Ruth knew because the insurance company sent her the bill." Emma sniffled, remembering how she had begged the doctors and prison officers not to contact her adoptive mother but there hadn't been any other way. She had had no money to her name and Neal was long gone by then. "Please, don't tell him." Emma sat up quickly, anxiously looking him in the eyes.

"Emma, I would never as it is not my story to tell." Killian clasped her cheeks in his hands. "However, I do think you should tell your family. They'll be there for you."

"Maybe, some day." Emma whispered but she was sure that day would never come. It had been too long and she had hurt her brother enough already. She knew he blamed himself for not keeping her away from Neal, but there wasn't anything else he could have done. This would just make his misplaced guilt even worse.

They stayed in that position, with Emma resting heavily against Killian's side until the alcohol and emotion finally caught up with her once more and she fell asleep.

#

Emma's head was pounding and her eyes were protesting against the light coming from behind her eyelids. She snuggled deeper into bed, burying her face into the flowery scented pillows which were the staple in a Nolan's guest room. At that realisation she snapped her eyes open, groaning at lightness of the room caused by cream walls and white furniture. The night before came back to her in flashes. Breaking in – with a key but still – to Killian's bar. Killian finding her. Liquor and emotions shared. "I had a baby." Fuck. She'd told him. Everything. What was it about those blue eyes and British accent that just made her want to bare her soul?

Killian had obviously waited for her to fall asleep and then called her brother, even though she'd asked him not to. And if he'd done that, then she was sure his promise to keep her secret was also false. Didn't he realise the reason she had never told her brother was to protect him?

Emma stumbled out of bed, noting that she was wearing sweats and wondered who had changed her out of her clothes. Throwing on one of her brother's hoodies, which was laying on the back of a chair and probably had been placed there by the owner for her, Emma decided to face the music.

The three of them were sat around the table, speaking in hushed voices. Emma suspected it was about her.

"Swan, there you are." Killian exclaimed upon noticing her presence and the conversation immediately stopped. Yep, they were definitely talking about her.

"Oh, Emma." Mary-Margaret rushed to pull her sister-in-law into a tight hug. "We've been so worried about you! Thank goodness you're home and safe."

"It's good to see you, Mar." Emma squeezed her sister-in-law back just as tightly. They pulled apart and Emma approached the men still in their seats. "David, I…" She still didn't know what to say. And she didn't know if Killian had disclosed her past of her brother yet.

"You left again without saying goodbye." David stood slowly, rounding the table to where his sister stood. "Do you have any idea what we've been through?"

"I know, I-" Emma stuttered feeling much younger than her age.

"No, you don't know. Especially not knowing if you were safe last night, if you had anywhere to stay for the goddam Purge. I…we…" David breathed out, struggling to find the right words. Then the lecture didn't seem to matter, as his wife had said, his little sister was home and safe. He took her into his arms, cupping the back of her head with one hand. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." Emma returned, surprised by just how much she meant. She'd been away for longer stretches than this before, it had only been a few months. However she had yearned for their home more than she ever had. Emma was not ready to look into why that was.

"I was just filling Dave in on how I found you asleep on the floor of my bar, like a real life fairytale." Killian tilted his head pointedly, giving meaning to his statement. He hadn't told David about their conversation at all. For all her brother and sister-in-law knew, there was no interaction between the two of them.

"Yeh, I bet I was a real Sleeping Beauty." Emma laughed as she stepped away to pour herself some coffee. And to subtly wipe her eyes.

"Or Snow White, waiting for your prince to find you and wake you up." Mary-Margaret hinted as she smiled sweetly at Killian.

"Alright, enough of that." David groaned at his wife, taking a sip of his own coffee. "She's only been back five minutes, Mary-Margaret, and you're already trying to set her up."

"Just because she's trying, doesn't mean she'll succeed." Emma sat down at the table with her coffee, feeling warmth flood her at how natural this was. The four of them had had many chats like this before she left, and she had worried that that had been lost. She should have known better. It was like no time had passed and nothing had changed.

The wail of a baby through a monitor on the side reminded Emma that that wasn't strictly true. Something had changed.

"That's Leo. It's about time for his feed." Mary- Margaret informed Emma, as if she had forgotten that there was now an infant in the house. "Do you want to come meet him?"

"Umm…" Emma didn't know what it was. Maybe that everyone was staring at her as if expecting her to bolt at any second, or the timid way Mary-Margaret had asked the question. Or maybe she was still feeling the warm glow from being with her family again. Whatever it was, Emma had a sudden urge to meet her little nephew and create a bond with him. "Yes, I would love to." She brought her coffee with her and followed her sister-in-law upstairs, cheeks tinting at the sighs of relief from all present.

After meeting her nephew, Leo David Nolan, Emma was certain that she would never run again. At least not without saying goodbye. And although it hurt sometimes, to watch a little boy when she knew nothing of her own child, she knew that it had hurt more to be missing this.