'Friendship is a difficult thing.'
Chapter Nine: Troubled Waters
The first thought Skuld had after sending the letter was, What have I done?
The second was, I'm going to see my friend again.
She recoiled from the thought like she'd been burned, and it sent her pacing, turning circles round and round under the shade of the palm trees. He's not my friend, she thought fiercely. He was never my friend. He was just—he just wanted to use me to get his own memories back. That's all. There's nothing else to it.
(But there was the ache of grief in her chest, sitting in the same place where the faint memories of her friends rested. It was filled with memories of those early nights, sequestered away in a cell with just the two of them, Xehanort tentatively filling the silence, Skuld listening and drinking everything in. It was filled with gentle quizzes and the joy when she managed to make progress. It was filled with quiet meals spent together in a cage Xehanort wasn't supposed to visit at all.
It was filled with the question of what would have happened, had they met under different circumstances.)
Skuld shook her head fiercely. I'm not that person anymore, she thought vehemently. I'm not Subject X, no matter what I signed the letter as. I'm Skuld. I'm a Keyblade wielder. And he's Xehanort. He's a selfish prick who did nothing but manipulate me and use me for his own goals. We weren't friends. He just wanted me to think we were.
But maybe her heart hadn't caught up to that, entirely, because there was a weird mixture of excitement and fear in her chest, and she wasn't sure if the fear was for the chance that she might be put in a cage again or for the fact that she didn't know how he'd reacted when she'd disappeared.
(The thought made something in her stomach curdle; those later memories weren't good by any stretch of the imagination, and it was both easier and harder to focus on them, letting them fuel her own emotions. Whatever she thought of the Xehanort from before, the Xehanort in those memories was a distinctly horrifying individual.)
The bushes rustled, snapping her from her musings and into the present, tense and wary, Starlight singing at her fingertips.
Nothing stirred, and after a few moments of silence, she guessed it was likely some sort of animal. Hopefully, she added privately, her mind fluttering with images of small, shadowy creatures, trailing after her and her Keyblade.
(And Zidane and Jim were still here—not here, exactly, but somewhere on this world, and that meant that if she brought the Heartless here, then—)
As if she'd summoned them, familiar voices drifted back to her—quiet, distant enough that she couldn't quite make out the words, but still—close. Close enough that if they wanted, they could come and find her.
Or she could go and find them.
Her throat tightened a little. She rocked on her feet, wavering, fingers flexing with the phantom pain of anxiety. She should leave. She should head away, further into the trees, and just…wait here, until everything was said and done. But…she didn't. She found herself moving almost mechanically towards the sound of the voices, carefully pushing away bushes until she found herself almost stepping into thin air.
She stood at the edge of an overhang, foliage rising up around her and obscuring her from view. The rocky edges fell straight down onto wooden structures and a large copse of beach. Connected by a wooden bridge was another, smaller bit of land, a large tree curving over the water, strange, star-shaped fruits hanging from its branches. The space in front of her reminded her of a large playground, almost, with treehouses and hidden passageways.
Jim and Zidane stood near what looked like docks, talking to an adult man with scraggly brown hair, a couple of kids peering at them from around his legs.
People who live here, probably. So it's inhabited. Her throat tightened. That's—that's good. That means that the two of them will be able to find a way off this world.
If they know about other worlds, anyways.
Skuld tried to forcefully shove the thought aside. They'll at least have somewhere to stay. Somewhere safe. And I need to—I should get away. Stay away from them and the others.
I'm the only one who should be facing Xehanort.
(And what do you plan to do? some part of her asked. Will you fight him? Will you give yourself back to him? Let yourself be locked in a cage because you're lonely, or because you want your friends to be safe?)
(I'm never going to be caged again.)
This close, she could just barely make out what they were saying, and she found herself listening in, despite herself. "…ran off," Zidane was saying, voice rising over the crash of the waves. "I don't know where she went."
The man had a trouble look on his face. "I'm sure she'll show up sometime," he said. "The Play Island's not very big. We can probably find her. Make sure she's safe."
Find me? Skuld's fists clenched.
"You sure she'll come back?" Jim asked, quiet.
Zidane didn't say anything for several long moments.
Skuld…wasn't really sure she wanted to hear the answer, anyways. She took a breath and pulled back—
And the earth crumbled from beneath her foot. She caught her breath, arms flailing a moment, then barely restrained a yelp of alarm as she toppled through the bushes.
Her fall didn't go unnoticed; the entire group turned towards her, staring.
Skuld's face heated. She stood, then winced, rubbing at bruised arms and picking leaves out of her hair.
"Skuld!" Zidane called, face lighting up briefly; his expression faltered after a moment, and she guess he was thinking of their conversation from before. That's…probably for the best, she thought, taking a hesitant step backwards.
Jim stared at her, expression unreadable.
The strange man, in comparison, was looking at her with open concern. "Are you alright?" he called, already starting towards her. "That was quite a fall."
"I'm fine." Skuld took another step back and found herself pressed against rock.
Zidane hurried to intercept him. "This is the fri—" He paused, giving Skuld a glance. "The traveling companion we were telling you about. Skuld."
The man's expression lit up. "Oh. I'm glad you found you, then. Or you found us?" He frowned, head tilted.
"I didn't find you." Skuld's voice came out clipped, but she didn't try to correct it. "It was an accident."
Something uncertain flickered across Zidane's face.
Jim glanced aside.
"Well, then it was a happy accident, I suppose!" The man grinned, and while he still stepped past Zidane and closer to her, he kept a respectful distance. "My name's Dakota," he said. "I've heard yours is Skuld?"
"Yes." Despite herself, she found tension bleeding out of her shoulders.
"It's a pleasure to meet you. Your friends were telling me that your ship wrecked and left the three of you stranded?"
She glanced at the others. "Something like that."
"Mm. We get a lot of that around here, you know. Strangers washing up from the ocean."
"Where is this going?' Skuld asked, because she needed to leave, and the longer she stayed, the harder that was going to be to do.
"Right to the point, I see!" Dakota said with a laugh. "Well, I know a place the three of you could stay." He glanced behind him, at the kids still waiting by the docks. "And if we're all here, we should probably get going. I need to make sure the kids get home—and all of you could use some good food and rest, I'm sure."
Zidane gave her an almost-hopeful look.
Jim's was entirely unreadable; he opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again, glancing aside.
Skuld, for her part, could only stare.
(She couldn't stay. She couldn't. But—there was an ache of loneliness in her chest, a tingling fear that made her want to run for cover, and, well—
It would be nice, to know that the others had somewhere to stay.)
"Come one," Dakota said, gesturing, and headed back towards the boat.
Jim turned and left without a word.
Zidane waited, glancing back at Skuld curiously.
Her legs felt frozen there for several moments. Then, as if of their own will, they started moving, carrying her almost unwillingly after the others.
-"Well, I certainly didn't expect to have guests. You could've given me some warning, Dakota."
Dakota looked almost sheepish, rubbing the back of his head with an embarrassed look. "I'm sorry, Mom, but we don't have the room—"
"I know, I know." The old woman turned to the three of them with a critical eye. "Visitors or castaways?"
"We're not staying," Jim said quickly. "We just need a ship. Or a way to fix a ship."
"Castaways, then," the woman said with a decisive nod. "I've only got the one guestroom, but I suppose you're all from the same place. If you don't mind sharing…?"
An awkward silence sprang up between them. Skuld shifted, giving a half-glance back towards the beach. "I don't need anywhere to stay," she said. "The others can share the room."
Zidane flashed her a shuttered look.
Jim's shoulders stiffened and his fists clenched; if she listened hard enough, she thought she could hear his jaw grinding.
The woman's eyes flicked between them and narrowed in thought. "Nonsense," she said. "You're going to need somewhere to stay. Unless you've got a way to travel you're not sharing?"
No, she thought, but it'll be better if I'm not around when Xehanort comes.
The old woman must've taken her silence as an answer, because she inclined her head and said, "I thought as much. No heroics, now. I can fit the three of you so long as none of you are uncomfortable."
"I can take the couch," Jim said. "It'll be easier for you, right?" The words had a bit of bite to them, and he gave Skuld a calculating look.
I hurt him, Skuld thought, watching, a pit forming in her stomach. If it weren't for me, the crew wouldn't—
I should give him space.
She nodded, but it felt stiff, something bitter on the back of her tongue.
Jim pursed his lips and looked away.
Zidane's attention bounced back and forth between them. He cleared his throat, then said, "Okay, Skuld's got the guestroom, Jim's got the couch, and I'll probably just land wherever I end up."
Skuld protested, "I didn't—"
"Relax. Not sure I'll be sleeping a lot, anyways. Might as well give the room to someone who'll use it."
She wanted to say that she wouldn't use it; that she planned to sneak out the moment she got the chance and row back out to the other island, to get as far away from people as possible. But she didn't know how to say that without drawing attention to herself, so she just nodded tightly.
The woman made a thoughtful humming sound. "Alright," she agreed. "If that's really the way you lot want to split things up, I won't argue. Thought I expect some help around the house, in exchange for room and board. And if you stay more than a week—well, you're going to have to find something a little more permanent." Her expression softened a little. "My name's Dawn. If you need help with anything, just ask." She sighed, looking a little worn. "And—well. Welcome to the Destiny Islands, I suppose."
-The guest room was small, but cozy. It was warm in a way that Skuld wasn't used to, and oddly quiet. It felt almost lonely; she'd spent long enough traveling with the crew that she'd almost forgotten what it was like to sleep without anyone around.
In a strange, uncomfortable sort of way, it reminded her of being back in the cell. This room was different in many ways—it had a warm bed, and a window, and some bits and pieces of furniture, a couple stuffed toys stuck on the mattress. And yet it still seemed empty, making her feel separated in a way staying with the crew hadn't.
Her arms shook, her heart jittery in her chest. I can't stay here. She glanced towards the door; she could just hear the quiet sounds of Zidane and Jim, talking in the living room. Probably about trying to figure out how to get off this world. They'll—they'll be better off without me there.
I need to focus on Lea and Isa. Once they're safe—I can worry about everything else later.
She moved to the window, dragging it open with a quiet screech. She'd just swung her leg through when someone said, "Thought as much."
Skuld started and nearly fell out the window.
Dawn stood in the doorway, watching her with an expression that was almost too understanding.
Skuld hesitated, torn between bolting and trying to make up some sort of excuse. In the end she did neither, just staring awkwardly, caught between two options and flailing helplessly to find the right one.
"Is it the boys?" Dawn asked. "They seem nice enough, but I know you can't always judge based on first impressions."
"I—no. It's not—they're not like—" Not like Xehanort.
And then she reconsidered, because— "Kind of. But it's not anything they did."
"Something you did, then."
Skuld gripped the windowsill tightly.
"Mm. Well, I'm not going to try and solve all your problems for you. Learned well enough not to go sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. But I would suggest you at least take advantage of a warm bed and hot meals while you have them."
"I can't stay here," Skuld hissed, her teeth clacking together.
(She wanted to make sure she was safely away from the others when Xehanort came.
She wanted to stay and hide and protect herself for as long as possible.
She didn't know what she wanted.)
Dawn must've seen her hesitating, because she continued, "If the room's not to your liking, you can spend the night in the living room. Or you can help me. I have some projects that need to be done. Shouldn't stay up all night, of course, but I get needing a project to keep your hands busy."
Skuld glanced out the window. A warm island breeze brushed against her skin, bringing with it the smell of brine. In the distance she thought she could hear people talking: lively, friendly, happy.
(It made something in her chest ache. She wanted that—she wanted to find her home and her friends and get back what she'd lost. She wanted to make sure Lea and Isa were okay and show them everything she'd learned.
…She wanted to know everyone else was okay, too.)
"I really should leave," she said.
"Running from your problems won't solve them, love."
"I'm not running—"
Dawn arched an eyebrow.
Skuld let out a slow breath. "It's just better this way."
Dawn's expression turned slightly sympathetic. "Everything looks worse in the dark," she said, her voice gentle. "Take the night to rest. Think about it again in the morning."
It's not safe, some part of Skuld hissed. If Xehanort comes—you need to be moving. You need to be away from them. You need to be ready.
But she still couldn't bring herself to move.
After a few heartbeats Dawn sighed and turned. "Breakfast's at daybreak," she said. "Hope I'll see you there." She turned and shut the door.
Skuld didn't know how long she stayed there—long enough that her legs started to ache, her back cramping from hunching over. She strained her ears; Jim and Zidane had stopped talking, but she knew they had to still be there.
(She wondered if they'd worry, when they found her gone.)
After several long, agonizing moments, Skuld pulled herself back into the room and shut the window.
-Sleep didn't come easy. Skuld dozed in fits and spurts, a restless energy keeping her from fully relaxing. She paced around the room when she was awake, mentally debating her decision to stay, silently going over plans for what she'd do when Xehanort arrived. And when she slept—
She was back in the cell, and Xehanort was staring at her with an emotionless expression, backing her into a corner as he prepared to drag her out for more experiments.
She was in the cell, and she was listening to Xehanort talk to her from the other side of the door, trying not to smile at his restrained enthusiasm over receiving his master's praise.
She wasn't in the cell, but she was staring at Xehanort and feeling her resolve crumble around her feet, and she was wondering if she'd ever really stopped being Subject X at all.
Her breath shuddered in her throat, and she left her room as soon as the sun rose, trailing towards the kitchen.
Dawn and Zidane were both there. Jim wasn't.
Skuld stood stock-still in the doorway, half-expecting him to materialize out of nowhere.
"Morning," Zidane said, but there was a strain to his smile.
"…Morning." She settled, awkwardly, on the edge of a chair.
"Hope eggs are good," Dawn said. "Not much of a cook and wasn't expecting house guests."
"Good for me," Zidane said.
Skuld just nodded, shoulders hunched awkwardly.
For a few moments, the only sound was the quiet sizzling of the eggs and Dawn's muttering as she bustled about the kitchen. Skuld's eyes kept sliding towards the doorway, and she dragged them back every time, focusing on a blemish on the table instead.
"He went out to the Play Island."
Skuld shot Zidane a surprised look.
"Jim. He went back to the place we landed—it's called the Play Island."
"Why?"
"To try and fix the lifeboat, I think."
"Oh."
Silence, again, and the weight between them settled uncomfortably over Skuld's shoulders. She startled when Dawn set a plate in front of her, glancing up at the older woman in surprise.
"It's not much," she said, "but it's something to hold you over."
Rapid knocking sounded at the door.
Skuld tensed.
Dawn, however, just sighed. "That'll be my grandson, most likely. Hold on, hold on, I'm coming." She bustled out of the room, leaving just Skuld and Zidane to pick at their food.
"Seems nice," Zidane said.
"Mm-hm."
Zidane shifted awkwardly. His fork tapped against his plate.
Skuld set hers down with a frustrated huff. "Why haven't you said anything about it?"
"About what?"
"What happened. Why aren't you angry?"
"I am angry. I just know being angry isn't going to fix things."
The honest admission surprised her, and she gave him an uncertain look.
Zidane twisted his fork and didn't quite look at her. "I'm worried about them," he whispered. "Tantalus."
"Your family." Your home.
"Yeah." He laughed a little. "A part of me thinks, 'You know, if we hadn't joined this crew, we never would've had to worry about this.' But who am I supposed to be mad at? The Heartless? You? Them? The rest of the crew?" He shrugged. "It's a bad situation, and I'm angry about it, but there's nothing I can do besides try and figure out how to get out and look for them.
"As for yesterday—" He broke off, then shrugged and glanced aside. "Well. I'm not going to force you to be friends."
Skuld's throat tightened, but she nodded.
"Sora—hey, no, don't bother the guests—"
"But Grandma, come on."
"No. Go out back."
A little kid flashed past the doorway in a blur. "Hi, new people! Buy, new people!"
Dawn trailed after him, an exasperated, if amused, expression on her face. "My grandson," she explained. "He's in and out all the time. He hopefully won't be too much of a hassle."
Zidane snorted, the somber mood disappearing for a moment. "Aw, I don't mind kids."
Dawn's expression turned skeptical, but she shrugged and said, "Well, then, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you went and talked to him about your adventures."
"Sure." He stood, breakfast only half-finished. "I'll see you around?"
Skuld gave him a long look, uncertain how to answer.
He faltered a moment, then exhaled slowly, shoulders sinking, and left the house.
-The problem with sending the letter was that she had no idea when Xehanort might show up. She tried to avoid the house when she could, wandering around town or heading off on her own to practice with her Keyblade.
(It felt disconcertingly like when she'd first gotten out of the cell, constantly on the move, feeling like she could never rest or Xehanort might catch up to her.)
Dawn shoved something into her arms.
Skuld blinked, then gave her a baffled look.
"If you need something to keep yourself busy," she said, "then take that to the general store."
Skuld's eyebrows furrowed, and she pried open the box. A bunch of hand-made trinkets clattered inside.
"Just some old junk I needed to get rid of. They'll take them, sometimes, sell them at a discount." Dawn ushered her out of the house. "Go on, get moving. Should keep your mind and feet busy."
Skuld wasn't sure if she was grateful for the task or frustrated with it. She set off, gripping the box tightly and trying not to think too hard about things she couldn't control.
The town was small, but lively. People walked the streets and talked to each other amicably. Children raced between the buildings, shouting excitedly to each other. Birds chattered in the distance, and if she strained her hearing, she thought she could catch the crash of the waves. Several stores had their doors propped open, some with wares lined out in front of them, and the pleasant smell of different food wafted across the street.
It was…not quite peaceful, exactly, but comforting, and it made some of the tension in Skuld's chest unravel. (It was almost enough to draw her into one of the shops, curious enough to try and figure out what else the islands had to offer.)
"…where we could find a ship?"
Skuld caught the familiar voice and stalled.
"If you're looking to charter one," someone responded, "then you'll want to ask around the docks. But it's not necessarily going to be cheap."
"It doesn't need to be big. Just something a couple of people could travel in."
Skuld glanced around, and—there. Jim stood a short distance away, talking to someone near one of the stores.
"How far you looking to travel?" the man asked, looking skeptical.
Jim's fists clenched. "…We just need something we can afford."
The man sighed. "Like I said," he said, "try the docks. I wouldn't try to travel too far in something small."
"Right. I—thanks."
Skuld's grip tightened on the box a little. She debated whether she should say something or keep walking; her options were taken away from her when Jim turned, eyes lighting on her. He stalled, staring.
Skuld swallowed. "I thought you were fixing the lifeboat," she said, for lack of anything else.
"I was," Jim said, and his words came out quiet, careful. "But it might not work."
"Oh." She shifted awkwardly. "Would any of the ships here be able to get you off world?"
"I don't know. I have to try."
Skuld nodded tightly. After a few moments she started moving again, brushing past him.
Jim didn't say anything more, moving down towards the docks.
-"Zidane, Zidane, I need to show you this!"
"Geez, Sora, calm down, I'm coming."
Skuld entered the house in time to nearly be bowled over by a small child, who was tugging Zidane after him. He looked so flustered that Skuld almost laughed. "Feeling overwhelmed?"
"What, with him?" Zidane flashed her a grin, but there was something tentative and uncertain in his eyes.
(Right. The argument, on the Play Island. And with Xehanort—)
Skuld felt her smile freeze and fall. Hesitantly, she took a step back.
Zidane's expression faltered a little.
Sora tugged on Zidane's arm. "Come on, come on!"
Zidane rallied just as quickly, laughing easily. "Geez, okay, I'm coming."
Skuld watched them go, then took a breath and stepped inside.
-Skuld sat with the back to her door, her ear pressed to the wood.
Jim and Zidane were talking quietly; she could just hear them if she strained.
"Think that the others are okay?"
"If they got in the lifeboats. Or if someone picked them up."
"…Right."
Skuld curled her fingers against her knees. (She couldn't think about it. Couldn't, couldn't, she had her own problems to worry about, and—
Xehanort was coming. And then—she'd figure things out.)
-Staying in Dawn's house felt a little like she was dodging around ghosts. Whether that was the looming specter of Xehanort or her traveling companions, well—she supposed it didn't matter. She'd flit about, finding stuff to occupy her hands and mind, neatly avoiding Jim (who would disappear in the early morning hours) and Zidane (who she would see around occasionally, looking like he was trying to catch her eye). She kept waiting for that flash of pink fire that said the fox was back, Xehanort with her, and it made her chest feel tight and her hands go clammy.
"Psst," said a quiet voice. "Hey."
Skuld blinked, started out of her task of hanging clothes, and glanced down.
Dawn's grandson—Sora, his name was Sora—was staring up at her, eyes wide, the faint glimmer of mischief in them.
Skuld's eyebrows furrowed, and she glanced, briefly, at Dawn.
"Grandma says you came from an island far away," Sora said, bouncing excitedly on his toes.
"Um."
"Sora," Dawn warned, giving him a stern look.
"I'm just saying." He leaned forward and whispered, almost conspiratorially, "It's code for other worlds."
Skuld's shoulders stiffened.
Dawn waved him off with a towel. "Run along, you. You don't need to be pestering our guests."
"Wait," Skuld hurried to say. "I don't mind." She knelt, close enough that she knew Sora would hear her whisper: "You know about other worlds?"
Sora's head bobbed so quickly she half expected it to fall off. "Uh-huh! People don't like to talk about them, but that's where all the castaways come from. Or that's what Riku says—he's my best friend, and he knows everything."
"Uh-huh."
"Hey, what world are you from? Does it have a lot of people? Do you have beaches, too? Hey, hey, can you find shark's teeth there? I'm making a collection, but my mom says I can't have too many—"
"You—you have a lot of questions," Skuld murmured, trying to keep up.
"Mm-hmm! I want to see all the worlds! Me and Riku are going to explore them when we get old enough." He sat on the edge of the porch with a solid thump, kicking his legs back and forth.
Slowly, with a brief glance towards Dawn—who looked like she was intentionally ignoring them—Skuld sat beside him. "I think I understand that," she whispered. "I've—I don't think I've been to my home world, for a while. But—but it's beautiful." This, she knew—even if all she had was the fractured memory of dreams. "There's a whole hill of flowers outside of town. My friends and I used to spend time there. And—and a fountain, where you could rest on. And the buildings were all sorts of bright colors."
(Somewhere in her hazy memories she thought she could hear laughter.
"I'll never understand why you want to be up this early."
"It's quiet. Besides, it's not like you sleep."
"None of us sleep. We could at least pretend."
"Guys, please.")
"If you haven't been home in a while," Sora said, eyes bright, "does that mean you're a traveler?"
"I guess it does."
"Cool."
Skuld's lips twitched into a grin. "Yeah," she agreed. "I guess it is kind of cool." She braced her chin on a hand, staring out across the street without really seeing. "I worked with a bunch of merchants," she said. "We've been to a lot of places. There was a desert world with strange markings hidden in a cave. And a huge town that was like a mix of other worlds. And space itself—my friends were showing me how to use the lifeboats to travel through it. It looks dark and boring from here, but there's so much light. There are other worlds and creatures and—everything."
The thought of it made something warm in her chest. She wondered what else was out there; she'd had very little chance to explore, really, while she was looking for answers, but she wanted to. She wondered if there were other places like this island, quiet and peaceful. If there were other towns like Dali or Alexandria. If there were uncharted territories out there, waiting to be explored.
Maybe one day—after all this is over—I could go and see them.
"Jim and Zidane were on the ship, too, right? Are they the friends that were teaching you?"
Skuld started back to the present and found Sora giving her a curious look. She rubbed the back of her neck, an uncomfortable feeling tightening her throat. "I—I guess they aren't really my friends," she said.
"Why not?"
The question was innocent enough that she almost wanted to laugh; she didn't, instead taking the time to try and think about it. "It's—complicated."
"Did you have a fight?"
Her fingers drummed against the wood. "I guess we did."
"What about?"
"About—about some things that happened."
"Were they bad things?"
"I think that's what most people argue about," Skuld said with an almost-laugh.
"I don't know. Me and Riku argue about dumb things sometimes, but then we apologize and we're still friends."
"I don't know if it's quite that simple, for this."
Sora was silent for a few moments. When he spoke, his voice sounded—older, almost. There was something familiar to the cadence that she couldn't quite place, but it made something in her heart twist painfully. "Do you want to be friends with them?"
Skuld shot him a sidelong glance.
Sora was staring at her, his eyes earnest, but there was a strangely-knowing look to them that didn't seem quite right for his age. It felt a little like she was talking to someone she knew, and maybe that's why she found herself admitting, "I don't think I can be." She pulled her knees to her chest, resting her arms over top of them. "I've—there was someone I thought I was friends with, but it—it didn't work out. And some others who became my friends despite everything, and they might be in danger. And—and the rest of them I can't remember. So it's just—it's better for everyone if we're not."
Sora's expression twisted. "I'm sorry, Skuld."
"There's nothing to be sorry for. It just—happens, sometimes."
A brief silence, then. "But you know," Sora continued, quiet, "it doesn't sound like you don't want to be friends. It just sounds like you're scared."
Skuld tried not to tense, forcing herself to stay relaxed as Sora kicked his feet against the ground.
When she didn't say anything, he continued, "And when you're scared, sometimes you say and do things you don't mean because you're trying to protect yourself. But if you want to be friends, and they want to be friends—I think you should try."
"It's not that simple."
"Maybe not. But you don't know until you try."
(There was something, tickling at the edge of her memory; of a dimly-lit clock tower, friends surrounding her, tired from the day's work, and of golden hair and a quiet voice: "I'm not sure I'm cut out for this."
"You know what I think? I don't think you give yourself enough credit. You just need some time to get used to things, that's all."
"I don't know…"
"I do. You'll do great, Ve—")
"Skuld?"
Skuld blinked and shook herself out of the memory.
Sora was staring at her, the strange, knowing look from before gone.
Skuld stared back at him, feeling slightly off-kilter. "I'm—I'm fine. Just—got lost in my own mind."
"Oh! Riku says I space out like that sometimes, too. He says it's because my head's empty, but that doesn't make sense, because then wouldn't I be less likely to get lost." He pouted, and Skuld couldn't help but laugh.
"Hey!" shouted a familiar voice, and Skuld turned to see Zidane, coming back from an errand in the town.
"Zidane!" Sora rocketed to his feet.
"Hi, Sora. You hanging out with Skuld?" He gave her a questioning look.
Sora didn't even seem to notice it; he just nodded rapidly, bouncing excitedly on his feet. "She was telling me about all the cool stuff you guys have seen."
"Was she?"
"Mm-hm. And she was worried about—oh!" He slapped his hands over his mouth. "I don't think I'm supposed to tell you that," he stage-whispered.
Now Zidane was staring at her openly, something curious in his eyes.
Skuld couldn't quite meet them.
"How about," he said, slowly, "we give her a little bit of space. You wanted to show me some of the cool stuff on the beach, right?"
"Oh, yeah!" Sora started away, waving frantically at her. "Buy, Skuld!"
She started to wave, and then, before he could get too far, she lifted her voice and called, "Hey!" She paused, thinking of what she wanted to say, and finally settled on simply, "Thank you."
Sora stopped and gave her a smile, and for a moment, she thought she could see—
(A flash of gold. The boy was older than her memories, more self-assured, but familiar all the same.)
("Everything's going to be alright.")
-Skuld was still sitting on the porch when Dawn came and found her later. The old woman sat down beside her, and for several moments, both of them were silent.
"You aren't the first outsider to step foot on these islands, you know," she said quietly. "And I doubt you'll be the last."
Skuld cast her a sideways glance.
Dawn had a funny sort of look on her face; something nostalgic, almost sad, expression far away, as if she could see across the ocean to some far-off horizon. Skuld found she couldn't look at her for very long and turned her attention away. She closed her eyes and inhaled, the smell of salt tickling the back of her nose, a cool sea breeze pushing her hair away from her face. In the distance, she thought she could hear Sora, excitedly explaining something to Zidane, who responded back just as enthusiastically. It made something both happy and sad swell in her chest.
"Not the first to be a restless soul, either," Dawn continued with a laugh.
Skuld blinked her eyes open, eyebrows furrowed as she looked at her.
"Oh, I know that look. I've seen it lots on the younger folk. It's what drives them to sea, a lot of the time. They'll get an itch that will force them out on their own adventures. Course, it's up to them whether they want to come back or stay away."
Skuld turned that over a moment, chewing her lip thoughtfully. "There's—I like seeing new things," she admitted, "but—"
(But she'd been in a cell for so much of her life that everything felt new and big and important. She had no idea if that was what drove her to pick up the Keyblade or if this was something from the new her. From Subject X. From someone she wasn't sure she wanted to be.)
"But you're traveling because of a different ache."
Skuld wasn't sure how she felt about the fact that Dawn could see through her so easily. She hugged her knees tighter and didn't say anything, letting the silence linger until it felt uncomfortable.
It didn't drive Dawn away. Instead, it seemed to invite the old woman to fill it, placing words as a bridge between them. "Not the first to do that, either. Sometimes people just feel like they're missing something. Some are castaways like you, washed up on our shores and desperate to get back to whatever they lost. Others are island residents who nonetheless never really felt like they fit. It doesn't matter why, really."
"Do they ever find what they're looking for?"
Skuld hadn't entirely meant to speak, but she didn't take the words back once they were out.
Dawn made a thoughtful humming sound. "Sometimes," she said. "But it's in different ways. Some people never leave, even though they want to; they end up finding happiness here, or at least acceptance, and they build a life here. Some can never let go of what they lost and will waste away chasing after it. Some have to leave to find what they're missing. It just depends on the person." She fell silent, contemplative. "We have a story, here, about a boy who left long ago. They say he didn't just head out to sea—that he stepped off these islands and into a completely different world."
Skuld's shoulders stiffened.
Dawn glanced at her and laughed. "Oh, that part's probably nonsense. I would guess he either died on his journey or found some other island to stay on. But—well. That's not the point of the story." She paused, eyes flickering as she seemed to think back. "He was raised on the islands, but he didn't come from here. He and his caretaker appeared on the shores of the Play Island out of nowhere—a little like the three of you, I suppose." She gave Skuld a wryly-amused look. "His caretaker was a bit of an odd one. Always mumbling strange words about some 'Stairway to Heaven' and 'world order' and such."
Suddenly, the old woman had her rapt attention. "Scala ad Caelum?"
"Yes, I think that was it." Dawn nodded, but now there was a sharp gleam in her eyes, a scrutinizing edge to her expression that hadn't been there before.
A Keyblade wielder. Maybe. Someone like me. But—why? Why bring a baby here? She leaned forward, silently urging Dawn to continue.
The old woman chuckled but obliged. "The boy might've grown up here, but he was always a restless sort. He would tell stories of far-off places and people and wars as if he'd lived them. He seemed ill-content with island life, and the islanders were ill-content with him and his caretaker."
He had dreams. Like me. Is that a Keyblade wielder thing, and not an amnesia thing?
"And then one day the boy's caretaker passed away."
Skuld's shoulders stiffened.
"Well, the islanders think that was the catalyst—the boy had no reason to stay, and so he left, searching for that place and those people in his dreams. The ones that he felt like he belonged with."
Skuld's throat tightened. "I—I think I understand how he felt."
Dawn made an understanding noise. "I thought as much. You have the same sort of restlessness. And you keep trying to hold people at arm's length." Her fingers tapped rapidly against her arm. "We tell that as a bit of a cautionary tale—not for the children, but for the adults. Treasure your children or you may lose them. But—well. For you, I thought it might be helpful just to know you're not alone."
"It—it was. Thank you." Skuld turned the story over. The story was so small in the grand scheme of things, but—there was another Keyblade wielder out there, somewhere. Or at least another resident of Scala ad Caelum. One who had been here. If she could find him, then— "Do you know what the boy's name was?"
Dawn made a thoughtful humming sound. "Now, that one's a bit harder. A lot of the stories don't seem to have preserved that, but…" She trailed off, eyes and nose scrunched. After a few moments her eyes brightened and she smiled. "That's right. My mother told me this when I was a child. It's a little faded, but I believe the boy's name was Xehanort."
-Xehanort. The name rang over and over in Skuld's head as she paced the beach.
(She thought of a younger Xehanort, maybe doing the same thing. She thought of him having dreams of far-off people and places, much like she'd always had. She thought of him talking to her about his dreams in her cell. She thought of experiments and she thought that maybe the islanders had been right to shun him. She thought of a boy being pushed away from his only support system and was angry at the islanders for maybe pushing him into what he became.
…She thought of the fact that she was calling Xehanort to a home he didn't remember.)
Skuld almost wanted to laugh. I did find your past, she thought. Just not in the way you thought I would.
Something must have happened to him after he left the islands—something that led to the loss of his memories. The way Dawn had spoken had made it sound like this story happened a long time ago, but with the way time cycles worked—it was hard to believe the Xehanort she knew and the one in the story could be different people. ('Xehanort' didn't seem like a common name, after all. Not like 'Skuld' apparently was.)
She wondered if Xehanort had ever actually made it back to Scala ad Caelum. She wondered if maybe she'd known him there, too, and it made her heart shudder uncomfortably in her chest. She didn't know if the thought made her happy or scared or angry and she hated it. I wonder if the same thing happened to both of us, she thought. If we both ended up in Radiant Garden—it would make sense.
Xehanort didn't look like any of the friends from her memories, though—only one had white hair, and from the brief glances she got, her other friend's hair was short and curly, while Xehanort's was longer and styled.
(But there was that one friend—the one who's face and voice always seemed so blurred—)
Maybe not friends, she thought, pushing the idea forcefully aside. But—maybe we trained together. Maybe we were on a mission or something, and then—then something happened.
…That would make Xehanort a Keyblade wielder.
The thought made something angry boil in her chest. Xehanort had already taken so much from her—she didn't want him to have taken this, too.
Voices drifted towards her. She came back to herself and realized she'd paced close to where Sora and Zidane were still playing. Jim was nowhere in sight.
Skuld's footsteps slowed, and she rocked awkwardly on her feet. After a few moments she took a breath and started forward again, hands clenched tightly.
"…and this one is from a…uh. A—scab? Scoop—up? Scallop!" Sora beamed, pumping a fist in triumph. "My mom knows how to make necklaces out of them."
"Pretty cool," Zidane agreed amicably.
"Yeah! I could show—oh! Hi, Skuld!" Sora leaned around Zidane and waved enthusiastically.
Skuld managed a small wave back. That strangely-knowing look was gone, and in its place was just the face of a little boy. She thought of Dawn's story about the castaway and tried to push her unease away.
(About Xehanort.)
Zidane shifted a little, giving her a questioning, slightly guarded look.
Skuld swallowed and didn't quite look at him. "What are you two doing?"
"We're looking for seashells!" Sora went to grab her hand.
"Uh, kid—" Zidane started.
Skuld pulled away and tried to force her unease down. "It's alright," she said, even if she wasn't sure it was true. But he's just a kid. He doesn't know. She took a deep breath and knelt.
Sora just gave her a confused look.
"Sora," she said, careful, trying to think of how she could explain everything in a way that a child would understand, "have you ever been—have you ever stubbed your toe on something?"
Sora's nose wrinkled. "Well, yeah."
"Okay. And—and I'd bet you stayed away from that thing for a little while, right?"
Sora looked thoughtful, now. "I guess so."
"Okay. Okay, so—now imagine you stubbed your toe on that thing all the time. You'd probably want to stay away from the thing entirely, wouldn't you?"
"…Maybe?"
Skuld nodded. "This is—this is like that. When people touched me, for a long time it hurt. So now I don't like it."
She could feel Zidane watching her and tried not to focus on it. Instead she watched Sora, who didn't look like he entirely got it, but was nodding anyways. "Okay. But you can still come with me to find more seashells, right?"
Skuld gave him a tiny smile. "Sure."
Sora's grin in response was blinding, and he darted off down the beach, sand spraying in his wake. Skuld stood to follow and trailed after him.
(She thought about what would happen, if Xehanort responded to her letter and came here. She needed to get him away from Lea and Isa, but—she didn't want to put these people in danger. She didn't want to be in danger. She wanted to run, but there was nowhere to run too, and she couldn't hide here.
Xehanort. Xehanort, who might be a Keyblade wielder. Xehanort, who came from Scala ad Caelum like her, and who really might've been her best bet for answers. Xehanort, who was raised on the islands but always felt like an outcast.
…Thinking about it made her head hurt.)
Zidane didn't follow them, and Skuld could feel his eyes tracking them as they went back and forth across the beach. Sora's enthusiasm wasn't quite enough to distract Skuld from it—or her restless thoughts—but she still tried to swallow her worries and focus on whatever the little boy shoved at her. Eventually, Sora got distracted, running off to join his friends as they came to the beach, and Skuld found herself trailing back towards Zidane. She settled in the sand, arms folded across her legs, and watched as they ran and played, splashing through the waves and waving around toy swords.
"Seem pretty carefree, huh?" Zidane asked, and it felt a little awkward, like he was speaking mostly to fill the silence.
Skuld made a quiet hum of acknowledgement. She wanted to ask where Jim was, but she thought she already knew. Out on the Play Island, trying to fix the lifeboat. Or somewhere here, on the Main Island, trying to figure out how to charter a ship and get us off this world.
With no idea of what I did.
Skuld's throat tightened, and she found herself speaking, words spilling from her mouth like a waterfall: "Xehanort. That's the person who hurt me."
She could feel Zidane's full attention on her, now.
She picked at a loose thread on her jacket. "For as long as I can remember," she murmured, "I was in a cell. I woke up in a world called Radiant Garden without any memories of my life before. Xehanort was a researcher, and—and he was like me. He didn't have any memories." Skuld twisted the thread around a finger and tugged. "At first things weren't so bad. We just did memory tests. Tried to make associations. I couldn't speak very well for a while, and Xehanort—he helped me through that, a little. We'd go through flashcards to make sure I could remember things properly, and then to see if they could jog anything. And he'd sneak in later, when no one was supposed to be down there, and talk to me. I think—I think maybe he was lonely, too."
("Even is interested in researching the heart, as well. There's so much we don't know—but with some digging, perhaps we can find answers."
"I found a collection of stories. I don't know if you remember enough to read, but—I can walk you through it, if you're willing."
"I like to imagine what my past was like, sometimes. I'd like to believe maybe I was an adventurer, documenting information on other places and bringing it back to share with others. …I wonder if there are people missing me, now.")
"But then—things got worse. He got desperate, I think. Nothing was working. It seemed like searching for my memories was a dead end. And—and he started running experiments. On me. On others. They were—they hurt." She broke the thread off her jacket with a snap.
("Xehanort, please, stop, it hurts—"
"Just a little more. A little more, and we might be able to bring something else to the surface."
"Aren't we friends?"
"We are. Which is why I need you to wait just a little longer.")
Skuld took a shaky inhale and tried to keep herself steady. "It—they—" The words lodged in her throat. "It's just—" Her jaw clamped shut.
Zidane didn't interrupt; he just watched her patiently, tail flicking briefly across the sand.
Skuld ran her shaking hands over her face, then gave up attempting to explain and just jumped to the next part. "Lea and Isa," she said. "My friends. Or—they became my friends. They found me in the cell, and—and I realized Xehanort wasn't what I thought."
("You doing okay?"
"I'm fine. It was just—it was a hard day."
"…Right.")
Skuld's eyes burned, and she blinked rapidly; she could almost convince herself it was from the stinging sea breeze and not anything else. "I didn't get out on my own," she said with a bitter laugh. "I was never strong enough. Someone else broke me out. I only found out I had the Keyblade later."
The waves crashed over her boots. She let the thread drop, watching as the water carried it away.
"I want to hate him," she whispered, and the next part came out almost shameful, "but I can't." And then she laughed again, brittle and broken and confused. "Or maybe I do. I don't know."
"I think it's probably normal to be confused," Zidane said, quiet, like he was afraid speaking would make her bolt.
"I shouldn't be," she said, and her voice wavered a little. "He hurt me. He ran experiments on me and kept me locked in a cell for months and—and I'm angry. I am angry. But it's also—" She made a frustrated noise and scrubbed her hands through her hair, pulling at it. "I found out," she said quietly, "that Xehanort came from Scala ad Caelum. The place where I'm from."
It wasn't the full truth, but it was the only bit that mattered.
"I don't want him to be a Keyblade wielder," she whispered. "I don't—if he is, then—that was the only thing that I had that was mine. Or—not the only thing, but—it made me stronger than her."
"'Her'?"
"Subject X. That's what they called me. Xehanort. And the others."
Zidane was giving her a strange sort of look. "But," he said, quiet, "wasn't that still you? Just—"
"I'm not her," Skuld said, and there was almost something like a growl in her voice. "I'm not Subject X. I'm not—she was weak. She wasn't able to get out on her own, and she just stayed in that cell for months and let herself be hurt because she didn't remember she had a Keyblade."
(She was Xehanort's friend.)
"The person I used to be—before her. Before the experiments. Skuld. She's a Keyblade wielder. She had friends and a home and a life. She would've been able to fight her way out of that cell all on her own. She would've known not to trust Xehanort in the first place. She's the person I want to be—because I can't just be Subject X. I can't."
Zidane looked a little thrown, like he didn't quite know how to respond to the tirade. His expression settled slowly, turning into something almost contemplative. "You aren't weak because you were trapped, you know. You can't always get out of things on your own, and you need a little extra help. That's okay."
"I should've been able to."
"You didn't know."
She didn't know if he was talking about her Keyblade or about Xehanort. Skuld's fingers dug into her arms, but she kept quiet, anyways.
After a few heartbeats, Zidane murmured, "Thanks for telling me. Can't imagine that was easy."
"I might not have, if Dawn hadn't talked to me." She took a deep breath, and then she was forced to admit another hard truth: "I sent a message to him, telling him to come and find me. Here, on Destiny Islands."
Zidane whipped towards her, eyes wide.
Skuld pointedly turned away from him. "I'd sent a letter to Lea and Isa, earlier. Back when we were still on the ship. I wanted to talk to them, but—I got a message back from the wrong person."
"Xehanort."
"No. It was—someone else." She took a shuddering breath. "But that's why I was trying to leave, when the Heartless attacked. I was trying to get to Radiant Garden to make sure that Lea and Isa were okay."
"So you asked Xehanort to come here because you knew he'd come to find you, and your friends would be safe."
She nodded.
Zidane stayed quiet for several moments. "What was your plan?" he asked. "Were you going to fight him? Talk to him?"
I don't know. And that was what scared her—she didn't know what she'd do when Xehanort got here. She wanted to believe that she'd fight, but every time she thought about it something in her recoiled, scared for all sorts of reasons she couldn't parse apart.
"…Let us be there with you."
Skuld's attention snapped towards him. "What? No, I—I was warning you so that you and Jim could leave. So that you guys could be safe."
"You won't be safe."
"I was the one who asked him to come here."
"To protect your friends!"
"That's not the point. I'm the only one who should be in danger. You shouldn't—I can't put anyone else at risk."
"And maybe we don't want you to put yourself at risk, hmm?"
Skuld's shoulders stiffened.
Zidane looked at her and sighed. "Look, if you really don't want us to come, I won't force it. I'll steer Jim away and keep him from ever knowing what's going down. But Skuld—you really don't have to do this alone."
Something tightened in Skuld's throat and chest. Her eyes burned. "I don't understand."
"Well, like I said—I'd like to be friends. If you'd let me." He gave her a tentative smile.
This time, Skuld managed a weak smile back. "I don't think I've been a very good one."
"Well, guess we can start over, right?" Zidane smiled. "I'm Zidane."
Skuld's vision blurred. "Skuld. It's nice to meet you."
-Skuld wasn't entirely surprised to find Jim down by the docks, trying to haggle with someone to get a ship or crew.
"…don't need a big ship," Jim was saying. "Just something that you're not using and that won't capsize."
"Kid, I don't know what to tell you. You can't just take a dingy on a long voyage, and you don't have enough money."
"I know, but I'll just—I'll trade. I'll pay in labor. Just give me something to work with."
"I think you'd be best just staying in port. There's plenty of jobs you can pick up here. Maybe someone will give you some pointers."
"I don't need—" Jim made a frustrated noise as the dock worker walked away.
Skuld cleared her throat.
Jim started, then gave her a shuttered look. "Oh."
Skuld inclined her head.
"What are you here for?" Jim asked, brushing past her.
"To help you find a ship."
"Really. Thought you weren't interested."
"I was just—I wanted to give you space. And I didn't want to put you in more danger."
"Right."
Skuld took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. For—for everything."
Jim slowed.
"I didn't mean—" She paused, scrunching her eyes in thought. "The crew was—you were close to them. They're important to you, and the Keyblade stuff put them in danger."
Jim turned to look at her. The fight seemed to drain out of him, and his shoulders slumped. "That wasn't your fault," he said, quiet. "It's not like you wanted Heartless to attack us."
"But they're coming after my Keyblade. I should've told someone once I realized, but—" She broke off and swallowed. "And—and that's not all."
Jim gave her a look she couldn't quite read.
"On the ship—I was leaving because I was worried about Lea and Isa. My friends, from before I met all of you. I tried to send a letter to them, but—but the wrong person sent it back."
Something like understanding was starting to dawn in Jim's eyes.
Skuld took a breath. "And then after you left, I sent a message back, telling him to come find me here."
"What?" The understanding was replaced with something like anger. "Why would you—how even—"
"The fox."
Jim stared at her, then took a shuddering breath and ran his hands over his face. "Right. Of course. Of course. Like anything can just be normal."
Skuld watched him, straight-backed, and didn't say anything.
"God, it's just—is this guy dangerous?"
"Yes."
"And that's—that's one of the reasons you were avoiding us? Because you were bringing him here?"
"Yes."
"And it didn't occur to you that—I don't know, that it could put other people in danger? That it could put you in danger?"
"I wasn't thinking about it. I was angry, and I was worried about Lea and Isa."
"Just—that's the problem, isn't it? It's not that you don't care, it's that you don't think. Or that—that you keep throwing yourself into things because of this stupid self-destructive thing you've got going on."
Skuld stared at him and didn't answer.
Jim gave her a narrow-eyed look. "I know you've gone through some things," he said finally. "I know you have. But just—damn it, for once can you not—" He shook his head. "Are you still going to talk to him?"
"I don't think I have a choice."
"That's—" He let out a frustrated breath.
"You don't have to forgive me. Or help me. And I'll help you and Zidane get off Destiny Islands and find the crew once this is over. After that—I'll find my own way. I won't cause problems for the two of you anymore."
"You still don't get it, do you?"
Skuld blinked and gave him a baffled look.
"I don't want you gone. I just don't want anyone to get hurt because of—" He gestured helplessly at her.
"Because of me."
"Yes. No. Kind of. It's—" He seemed to take a moment to steady himself, rocking back on his heels. "I don't know," he admitted finally, slumping down to sit on the dock.
Carefully, Skuld moved to sit beside him.
They stayed there in silence a few moments, staring out across the water. Skuld tried not to fidget, giving Jim the space to collect his thoughts.
"I wasn't angry because you were leaving," Jim said finally. "Well—I kind of was. It felt a little like my dad and Silver—the pirate I mentioned. But it was also the fact that it felt a little like you'd just been using us. And I knew that's why you joined the crew, but it still felt like—I don't know. It stung. But I would've gotten over it. And then the Heartless attacked, and with the crew—I just needed someone to be mad at."
Skuld nodded, trying to take things in slowly.
"But with this thing with—Xehanort? It's not the first time you've done something reckless. Sometimes that's a virtue—like when you wanted to rescue Taran. But other times it just means you don't think things through and you put yourself and others in danger."
Skuld nodded again and tried not to wince.
"And it's—I get it. Or, well, maybe I don't, because I don't know the specifics, but—I get the idea. When bad things happen to you, sometimes you don't always act the way you should."
"It sounds like you're speaking from experience," Skuld ventured quietly.
"I am, a little," Jim answered with a dry smile. "I was a bit of a delinquent, before I joined Amelia's crew."
"You?"
"Yeah, yeah." He rolled his eyes. "Look, after my dad left, I was kind of a mess. It almost got me thrown in jail. Put on my permanent record and everything. It did kind of lead to the destruction of my mom's inn. And it's—I don't know. I think I see that in you, too. Look, I know the situations aren't the same, but—" He broke off, eyes flickering as he seemed to debate where to go with the sentence next. "I know it's not going to get better in a day," he said finally. "It takes time. And it takes help. But I just—I want to know that you're going to try not to get into those situations. That you're going to try and keep yourself safe."
Skuld turned that over for a moment, rolling the words around her head and mouth before whispering, "I don't always mean to do it. It's not—I just react, sometimes. I can't always control it."
She tensed and waited for a response, but Jim looked thoughtful now, not angry. "But you're willing to try?"
"If I can. I don't want to hurt you guys."
Jim nodded decisively. "Alright. Then what do you need?"
She blinked, staring at him in surprise. "What?"
"What do you need? From us, I mean."
"To—that's—you're going to help?"
"It's not easy doing things on your own. Having support makes it easier." Jim's voice had turned wistful, and Skuld wondered if he was thinking of Silver again.
But she wasn't entirely sure she had an answer to his question. She paused, turning it over, trying to consider it carefully. "I'm—I'm supposed to be a Keyblade wielder."
"Yeah. What, you think no Keyblade wielder ever got help before?"
She supposed she didn't know. And there was a part of her that was still screaming that she didn't want to be Subject X anymore; that she had to be better, be stronger, be—
But she really, really didn't want to do this on her own.
"Keeping people from touching me helped," she said, quiet. "I was—Xehanort ran experiments on me, before. Touch was—it wasn't good."
Something angry flickered across Jim's expression, and he nodded, tightly.
"And maybe—maybe if it looks like I'm going to do something I shouldn't, talk me through it?" Skuld gave an awkward sort of laugh. "I don't know. I've never done this sort of thing before. Not that I can remember, anyways."
"Guess we'll both have to figure things out, then," Jim murmured. He gave her a sidelong look. "But that means you're also going to have to talk to us when things get bad. I can try and figure out some things, but I can't read minds."
"I might slip up."
"Yeah, I kind of figured. I'm not asking you to be perfect. Just—you know. That you're trying."
Something welled in Skuld's chest, warm like magic, and her eyes burned a little with the effect. "Thank you."
"Right. That's what friends are for." He gave her an uncertain look.
Skuld gave him a small smile, and this time, she managed a nod.
Jim relaxed a little, tension leaking out of his expression.
"So," Zidane said, and both of them jumped, "everybody's good now?"
"Will you stop that?" Jim asked, exasperated.
"Were you listening the whole time?" Skuld asked, and found she was more amused than angry.
"Watching from a careful distance. Just in case one of you guys decided violence was the best answer to your problems."
Skuld's face burned.
"You know, I think it is right now," Jim commented, and before Zidane could react, he'd grabbed him and thrown him into the water.
Skuld was so startled that she laughed, the sound warm in her throat.
Zidane's head burst above water, and he sputtered, wiping his face. With a grin he splashed water back at them.
"Hey!" Skuld protested. "I didn't throw you in."
"Too bad. You're here. You're fair game."
Jim splashed him back.
Skuld's shoulders shook with restrained laughter, and the bright feeling didn't leave even when the dock workers came to yell at them. It was…nice. It felt like having friends—or what having friends was supposed to be like.
It felt like maybe things would work out okay.
-When the fox returned, Skuld was still on the Main Island, helping Dawn with some of the chores around her house. A flicker of pink flashed out of the corner of her eye, and her heart leapt into her throat as she turned.
The fox just watched from outside an open window. She looked resigned, a little, the flames dim—but she'd gone and come back. And that meant—
"I have to go."
"What, dear?"
"I—I'm sorry." Skuld turned, giving the old woman a half-apologetic, half-frantic look. "It's just—something important came up, and—"
Dawn's eyes flicked past her, to the fox waiting patiently outside. Her lips pursed but she nodded. "Be careful."
Skuld didn't know if she could really make that promise, but she nodded, anyways, darting out the door.
The fox didn't have anyone with her—but that didn't mean Xehanort wasn't coming, and she had to be prepared. I'm not ready, she thought, even if she knew that she'd never really be ready. I don't think we can get out to the Play Island, but maybe—I think there are some secluded areas here.
Her heart jack-rabbited in her chest, her arms jittery with adrenaline, and she didn't know if she wanted to run and hide or sit and wait or—
Get the others.
"Zidane!" she shouted. "Jim!"
Zidane poked his head up from somewhere in the back yard. "What's—oh." His eyes landed on the fox and his expression turned serious.
"Where's Jim?"
"Here." Jim emerged from the house, dropping a box on the porch. He gave Skuld a long look. "He's coming, isn't he?"
Skuld nodded, throat tight.
"What do you want to do?"
She took a steadying breath. "We need to get as far away from town as possible."
Wordlessly, the two of them moved, and Skuld moved with them, breaking into a run and taking the lead. She'd been around town enough to get an idea of where some of secluded patches of beach were, found off the beaten path and with enough cover that she didn't think anyone would bother them. If it came to a fight—
But maybe it won't come to a fight.
(The fact of the matter was, she didn't know what she'd do when she saw Xehanort again. She didn't know if she'd run, or freeze, or fight. She didn't know if she'd yell at him or if she'd try and talk to him like they were still friends. She didn't know what she'd do if Xehanort promised not to put her in a cell again.
She was scared.)
There was a ripping, ragged sound that cut through her ears, a snapping sort of thing and a clawing, sticky darkness that stuck to her boots, and suddenly she was thrown back to when she'd been in the cell, suddenly offered an inexplicable way out.
Her first thought was: I wasn't fast enough.
Her second was: I don't think Xehanort knows how to make these portals.
"Thought I told you not to be sending letters, Dandelion?" a voice drawled.
Skuld's feet skidded in the sand.
The fox disappeared, but Skuld caught a brief glance of her. She looked almost guilty.
The man with the eyepatch stepped out of the portal. It closed behind him with a sharp snap and a burst of cold air that made Skuld's skin prickle. The man had an easy grin, but his golden eye was a bit too-knowing, predator-like, holding her still underneath it. Skuld found herself instinctively watching him, tense, half-prepared to summon Starlight in case he tried anything.
Somehow, the man's appearance made her both relieved and disappointed, the anticipation from earlier almost seeming misplaced. She should consider this man the bigger threat, she knew—but it felt like he paled under the specter of Xehanort.
(They weren't off the beach. Even now, Skuld could feel curious eyes glancing their way. She needed to—she needed to make sure there wasn't a fight. She needed to make sure that no one was in danger.)
"Well, you know," Zidane said, a grin in his voice, "just had to see how everyone was doing."
"Xehanort?" Jim asked, wary.
Skuld was shaking her head even as the man barked a laugh. "Wouldn't that be something! But no, don't worry. Can't let the kiddo here get all self-destructive."
She felt Jim tense behind her, and she lifted her chin and tried not to let her fear show. "Where are Lea and Isa?"
"Safe, for now."
"Does Xehanort know about them?"
"If he does or doesn't, does it really matter? It's not like he's going to do anything to them."
"He might," Skuld said, forcing herself to keep her voice steady, "if he knew they were the ones who were talking to me."
Her arms shook, just a little. Her legs were tense. She knew, somewhere, that if the man hadn't closed the portal, she would've tried to run through it. Damn the danger—anything to protect the people she cared about.
The man studied her a long, long moment. "You always were a little impulsive when it came to your friends."
Skuld stiffened.
"Well, that's not unnerving," Zidane muttered.
Jim said nothing, but Skuld could practically feel tension radiating off him.
"But don't worry—old Xehanort won't know a thing. The only people who know are me, you, and the boys, and I don't think me and you will be telling anytime soon." The man flashed her a sharp smile.
"You know," Zidane commented, faux-casual, "you're being pretty nice for someone who presumably knew Skuld was stuck in a cell for months."
"Fishing for answers? You've got some work to do on your game, kid." He tilted his head, reminding her almost of some sort of bird of prey. That eye didn't seem to move, constantly focused on Skuld, even when he was talking to the others. "But alright," he said, "I guess I can indulge you a little. It's not like it's some huge secret or anything. I just needed the little Dandelion gone because the game changed. For a while, the cell was the safest place for her. But when people started to become Heartless, it was better to just let her fly away."
"Safest?" Jim repeated, incredulous. "What, trapped?"
"We've heard a little about Xehanort, you know," Zidane said, and there was anger underneath his veneer of calm. "Doesn't seem like the safest guy."
Skuld stared at the man with the eyepatch.
He didn't say anything; he just watched her, an almost-knowing grin on his face.
Skuld got the impression she was being led to a specific idea, but she posed it anyways: "You knew me."
That smile grew.
"You knew me," Skuld said with more conviction, "before I lost my memories."
From the slow hiss of breath behind her, she got the feeling the others had come to the same conclusion.
"If you knew me—if you knew me, then why wouldn't you talk to me? I barely saw you before you got me out of the cell. And what could be so dangerous that being in a cell was safer? Why do you call me 'Dandelion'—I heard about them, you know, and they're supposed to be ancient. Did you know Xehanort, too?" She paused and took a breath. "I—who were you to me?"
The man studied her for a long moment. He looked more amused than anything. "What do you think?"
"That's not an answer."
"Guess not. Could be a lot of things, you know. Sorry, my lips are sealed."
Frustration bubbled in her chest, and it came out in the form of Starlight, snapping into her palm.
The man's eyes lit with interest.
"I came from Scala ad Caelum," she said, voice shaking, even if she tried to steady it. "I know my friends are there. Supposedly, Keyblades are bequeathed by other Keyblade wielders—so were you one? Were you my Master?" Her whole body started shaking, and she swung Starlight sharply to the side. "Were you the reason I lost my memories? Did you take me away and get rid of my memories because of some—some imagined threat?"
To her surprise, the man threw his head back and laughed. The sound grated on Skuld's ears, and she ground her teeth together.
"Would be nice to be let in on the joke!" Zidane shouted, lifting his voice over the noise.
The man's laughter died, but there was mirth still painted in the lines of his face. "Man," he said, "come so far, and still know so little."
Skuld's shoulders stiffened, and she opened her mouth to ask what he meant, but he interrupted before she could speak:
"Why don't you ask Ava? I'm sure she has plenty of answers for you."
The name brought Skuld up short. "Ava?" she repeated, and she didn't know the name, but—
(Avaritia.)
"The fox?" she asked, quiet, a slow, dawning realization washing over her.
"Didn't even tell you, huh. But then—I guess I don't know if she can." The man tilted his head. "I wonder what kind of game she's playing?" The question sounded rhetorical, and he didn't wait for an answer, turning and lifting his hand in a lazy wave. "Anyway—I'm not really here to give you answers, Dandelion. Go, explore the worlds. Do whatever you like. Just don't get mixed up with stuff in Radiant Garden."
"Why?"
"Because I need you safe."
The words were surprisingly sincere, even if they still made something crawl along her skin.
A portal snapped open.
No. Skuld threw her Keyblade with a shout, already sprinting towards him.
The man glanced back at her. For a moment, his eye gleamed in the darkness.
And then he was gone, Starlight sailing through tendrils of smoke and landing in the sand.
Skuld skidded to a halt. She stared at the place where the man had been, half-expecting that the portal would open again and let her through. When it didn't she screamed in frustration, Starlight snapping back into her hands with a flash, the weapon slicing through the air as she swung it in empty anger.
Footsteps approached behind her slowly. No one said anything for several minutes. She didn't think any of them knew what to say.
"At least your friends are safe," Zidane tried.
"Yeah," she agreed, and tried to let the relief from that overwhelm her frustration.
(It felt half-won and empty, held together by a faint hope that only held up so long as she didn't look at it too hard.)
"Did you see how suspicious that guy was?" Jim asked, and he sounded almost frustrated.
"Hey, I'm trying to cheer her up—"
"I know. I know, but—"
"He's up to something," Skuld finished quietly. "He knows something about me, and there was stuff about Radiant Garden he wasn't saying."
They fell silent again. "Well," Zidane said after a moment, "we were going to have to get off this world, anyways. We could make an additional pit stop, right?"
Skuld whipped towards him, eyes wide with surprise.
Zidane gave her a smile, but it was pinched. Jim had a conflicted expression on his face.
Skuld examined them, and then steeled herself and said, "We should make sure the crew's safe first."
"Skuld—"
"Lea and Isa are safe for now. They can—they can wait a while longer. But we don't know how your friends are."
Zidane gave her a surprised blink, and then his expression transformed into a blinding grin. "Yeah," he agreed. "Okay."
"One problem," Jim said. "I haven't been able to find a ship, and I don't know if I can salvage the lifeboat."
Skuld considered that a moment, then glanced at the place where the man with the eyepatch had been. "I think," she murmured, "I may have an idea."
YEAH, it was Destiny Islands, haha. Back when I was initially outlining this story, I actually had some debate about what world I'd put here—though ironically, they were all island themed (which was…actually a coincidence). I considered doing a Lilo and Stitch world pretty strongly (partly because the Wayfinder trio—and in particular Ven—had met some of the characters, and partly because the themes of family and figuring out where you belonged fit really well), and also considered doing a Moana world (this one's entirely for the themes—like, the whole 'figuring out who you are' thing fit really well). In the end, though, I couldn't resist the chance for Skuld to 'talk' to Ven through Sora or for her to hear a little bit about Xehanort's past. I do kind of wish that I'd been able to include both of the other worlds, but I knew I didn't have the energy to go full 'pseudo Kingdom Hearts game,' so they got cut; I'd like to think that maybe Skuld gets to visit them sometime after the story's over, though.
Also, thank you Lacan Shinn for reviewing last chapter! For the review response: I'm glad some of the chapter resonated with you! I'm relieved to hear that the fight scene was okay; I get very nervous that I'm not making them interesting enough, so it's good to hear that this was engaging. And yeah, she was applying Flowmotion—or, at least, something adjacent to it. We've seen plenty of Keyblade wielders run straight up walls and buildings and such, and while from a gameplay perspective that's really just 'this is something that would be cool,' I figure from an in-world perspective, it'd make sense if that was due to magic, so that's what she's using here. Eraqus isn't really going to make much of an appearance—he's buried pretty deeply and staying pretty quiet. And Astrid was…honestly just a name I chose at random, haha.