'It's time to get off the island and find their friends.'
Chapter Ten: Searching
Concentrate. Concentrate. Just—just focus on the magic. That has to be how this works, right? Skuld took a breath and pulled at the magic in her chest, Starlight held tightly in front of her. Energy curled through her arms and sparked at the tip of her Keyblade.
The space in front of her remained frustratingly empty.
Skuld ground her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut. Concentrate! You can do this! If he could open a portal, then you can, too.
A light breeze tugged at her clothes and brushed sand against her boots. The waves were rhythmic background noise, helping to lull her into a faint sense of calm. Magic hummed and sparked with the quiet tinkling of bells and croak of frogs.
"How long do you think she's going to stand like that?" Zidane whispered.
"I don't know. Until she figures out—whatever she's trying to figure out."
"You know, it might be nice if she told us what she was trying to do."
"Might be."
"I can hear you," Skuld said, frustration leaking into her voice.
"Oh, that was the point!" Zidane answered cheerfully.
"I'm trying to focus."
"On what? The sea breeze?"
Skuld opened her eyes with an agitated sigh, Starlight dipping low enough to brush through the sand. "I was trying to open a portal."
Both Zidane's and Jim's expressions changed. "Like that guy did," Jim said, quiet.
"Mm-hm. If he could do it, then—I don't know. I might know how to do it, too. But I can't remember, and I have no idea what he did to open it in the first place."
A pensive silence settled over them. "You said you thought he was your—your 'master'?" Jim asked.
"Teacher. I think. It's—I was sending letters to someone. From a world called Atlantis. He'd been to Scala ad Caelum, before. He's where I was getting most of my information from." Skuld glanced back at the spot where the man had been. "But maybe I'm wrong. I haven't seen him summon a Keyblade, and—you saw how he reacted. So maybe he's not even from the same world. Or maybe he is, but he had some other sort of role."
"What, like an evil advisor?" Zidane asked, grinning.
Jim rolled his eyes.
"Hey, it could happen!"
Skuld chewed her lip, lost in thought. (Ava. Avaritia. The fox. It was true that Skuld had no idea who she was or what she wanted, but—but what had that man meant?) She took a breath and shook her head. "I'm going to keep trying," she said, lifting her Keyblade again.
"Right," Jim said, sounding tired. "I'm—going to keep looking into finding other ships."
"Guess I'll hang here," Zidane said. "In case—you know."
(In case Xehanort really does show up.)
Skuld nodded, something grateful welling in her chest. Then she took a deep breath and tried to focus.
-Night saw the three of them crowded in the guestroom—to the surprise and delight of Dawn, who'd given them a smile but hadn't said anything more. Skuld just hoped they weren't imposing too much—their week was coming to an end, and she still remembered what Dawn had said about finding other accommodations. I don't think any of us intended to stay this long. But I don't know how we're supposed to leave, either.
"Right. So. I'm guessing there wasn't a lot of luck on the 'hiring a ship' front?" Zidane asked.
Jim shook his head, looking tired. "Even if things did work out, I don't know if it'd actually get us off-world. Off the island maybe, but…" He shrugged.
Skuld summoned Starlight, staring at it.
"No idea how to make the portals work, huh?"
"No." The lack of memories itched, scratching incessantly at the back of her mind. If she could just remember— "Any ideas?"
Jim and Zidane exchanged glances. "What's it felt like when you used magic before?" Zidane asked.
"It's just kind of been—spontaneous, I guess. Learning new spells. Or remembering them?" She frowned, one hand braced against her head. "With the Fire spell—I wanted to destroy the notes on the Heartless machine. With Zero Gravity, I wanted to make sure that Jim didn't fall into space. With Collision Magnet, I needed to bring Taran closer. And with—with whatever I do to run on walls, it was just the heat of the moment."
"Maybe it's the adrenaline," Jim said thoughtfully. "It could be that you're remembering things just because you need them to keep you safe. Like some sort of mental safeguard or something."
"But that's not going to help us now," Skuld said, trying and failing to keep the frustration from leaking into her voice. "I don't know how I could open a portal—unless we were in danger, but—"
"But seeking out danger would be a bad decision."
Skuld nodded.
Zidane looked thoughtful for a few moments, then perked up, tail lifting. "The fox!"
Both Skuld and Jim whipped towards him. "The…fox?" Jim repeated, sounding dubious.
"Right. She just kind of comes and goes as she pleases, right? So she has to know something about this whole portal teleportation nonsense. And, besides, that guy mentioned something about talking to her."
(The fox. Who had first appeared in her dreams. Who followed her around everywhere. Who obviously knew the man with the eyepatch and hadn't wanted her interacting with him.)
"I haven't seen her since she disappeared last," Skuld said, but she was already searching the room, trying to find that faint flash of pink flame.
"But it's worth a shot trying to reach out to her, right?"
It was. She took a breath, then called, tentatively, "Ava?"
For several moments, nothing happened.
Skuld's lips pressed flat. She stood, her hold still tight on Starlight. "Ava," she repeated. "That's your name, isn't it? Your real one." When the fox didn't appear, she continued, "You've been following me all this time, and I don't know why. But you've helped me before. Led me to things. And we could really use the help now." She waited a few heartbeats, and then added, quiet, "Please."
She thought at first that her plea didn't work. But then, slowly, flames coalesced between the three of them, spiraling upward and spilling out into a familiar form. The fox—Ava—sat in front of them, head lowered, tail brushing slowly against the floor.
Skuld stared at her and her words died in her throat.
Zidane gave an awkward sort of laugh. "Well," he said, "I guess that worked."
Jim was giving Ava a narrow-eyed look, like he didn't entirely trust her.
Skuld shook herself out of her thoughts and took a deep breath. The portal. Focus. "What kind of magic are you using," she asked, "to disappear and reappear? Where do you go? And—and the guy with the eyepatch. How did he create a portal to get here? To get me out of the cage?"
Ava lifted her head.
"Can I do it, too?"
Slowly, slowly, Ava stood, stretching out a paw and placing it against the lower edge of her Keyblade.
"I need to use the Keyblade."
A nod.
"But I can do it?"
Another nod.
"And I knew how to do it before."
Hesitation, this time. That was fair, Skuld supposed; it hadn't really been a question.
"You knew me, too," she said, and her voice sounded too calm, even to her own ears.
Ava's ears flicked backwards, head lowering again. She looked ashamed, almost, like she felt guilty for keeping it a secret.
A familiar anger flared in Skuld's chest—hot and biting, ready to snap out, searing her tongue. But—
But Ava had still tried to help. She couldn't seem to talk. She'd tried to show her that image back in Traverse Town, and she'd seemed frustrated when she hadn't been able to hold it for long.
There's something I'm not seeing. And I can't—I promised I'd try to do better. So. That starts now.
She swallowed her anger for the moment, then quietly, carefully, asked, "How?"
Ava hesitated a moment. Then, carefully, she touched her Keyblade again.
"I figured it was because I was a Keyblade wielder."
Ava started to shake her head, then paused. After a beat she patted the Keyblade again, then moved the paw to her own chest.
Skuld's eyes slowly stretched wide. "You?" she breathed. "You were a Keyblade wielder?"
Jim and Zidane both straightened. "Can foxes…wield Keyblades?" Zidane asked, carefully.
Ava didn't quite look at her.
"…You aren't a fox," Skuld said carefully.
Everything was still and silent for several moments. Then Ava shook herself out, and—
The world rippled slightly. The air around the fox warped and glowed. Skuld blinked and squinted, trying to shield her eyes.
An image flickered in front of her. A woman, it looked like. Young—either late teens or early twenties, she wasn't sure. A fox mask. Strange robes. Hands wringing together nervously.
She looked—familiar. If Skuld reached back, she thought she could see—
(A dark waterway, Master Ava standing there, her friend panting and injured in front of her. She was—that's right. Her friend had—)
"They fought you," Skuld said, and her head ached. "For—for one of our other friends? For—the one with white hair." (What was his name?)
"Skuld?" Jim asked warily.
She placed a hand against her head, squeezing her eyes shut.
(She was back on that waterway, and—Ava was saying something. The words were muted, and Skuld strained to hear them. It was—a warning. Something bad was coming. But she was giving the two of them a way to save themselves—
"May I take some time to think about my decision?")
Skuld shook her head, blinking and trying to focus. She lifted one hesitant hand towards Ava—
And the image flickered and dissolved. The fox stumbled, flames dim, but didn't fall entirely.
Skuld sank against the wall, feeling strangely drained. I was close, she thought, and couldn't help the faint flash of bitterness. I was so close to finding out something else about my past.
But I did still learn something, didn't I?
"Master Ava," Skuld said in a whisper, repeating the fragment from her memories. "You were—were you my master, then?"
Ava stared at her with something Skuld could almost read as tired.
"And you were—you were trying to protect me from something. Is that why you've been following me around?"
Her tail flicked across the floor.
"Whatever happened—is that how I lost my memories?"
Ava's paws kneaded the floor.
"…You can't really tell me anything, can you?"
Ava heaved a breath and exhaled slowly.
"How did this happen?" Jim asked, quiet. "You weren't always a fox."
"And is this illusion stuff just something Keyblade wielders can do?" Zidane added, giving a skeptical look at the place where Ava's human form had stood.
"Whatever was going to put me and my friend in danger," Skuld said, voice tight, "is it related to the man with the eyepatch? Is that why you stole that letter? But why would you—" Skuld cut herself off and another, worse thought occurred to her: "Is it still dangerous to us now?"
Ava just stared at her.
Skuld swallowed, throat tight. "I still don't understand," she whispered. "What do you want from me?"
For a moment, she didn't think she'd get an answer. Then, the world flickered again. With a breath Ava stood, placing a paw over Starlight's shaft. The image around them didn't last for long, but Skuld saw—
A fountain. Laughing friends. Colorful buildings and a town just on the edge of daybreak.
"You want me to go home."
The image shifted, then, and—the world wasn't quite the same, even if remnants remained. Tall marble buildings with flecks of color. Cobblestone streets, even if the designs were different. A tall structure that almost reminded her of a clock tower, even if it was built differently.
Skuld's eyebrows furrowed.
The image flickered—and so did Ava, flames trailing away.
"Wait—!"
Ava disappeared with the image, leaving behind a dim guestroom.
Skuld's grip tightened around her Keyblade.
"Well," Zidane said, somewhat awkwardly, "at least we know you can do it?"
"I guess." Skuld glanced at Starlight. "I just wish—" She cut herself off with a frustrated sigh.
Silence, then. Jim broke it after a moment: "We'll figure it out."
"…Right."
-Skuld slipped out of the house once everyone was asleep. She trekked down to the beach in the darkness, near-silent. No one stirred at this point in the night; Destiny Islands seemed oddly quiet, compared to the life it had during the day.
The waves washed over her boots, rolling languidly ahead of her. Skuld stared out across the water for a few moments, then steeled herself. Starlight flashed into her palm, and she lifted it, aiming it at some point in the distance. I know what magic feels like now, she thought, grasping at that thing in her chest. I just need to get ahold of it.
Maybe—maybe I need to think of a place. A place like—
Like home.
The idea that she might be able to just travel there if this worked seemed—unthinkable, almost. That she might be so close to getting answers and finding her friends and—
And finally having somewhere that she belonged.
Her heart twisted in her chest. She tried to force it aside. Focus. There are other priorities first. The crew, and Lea and Isa. But after that—after that, maybe—
Focus.
She closed her eyes and pictured a hazy daybreak, crowning over that bright town below a copse of flowers. While she couldn't remember the town clearly, she could still see that hill and hear the chatter of her friends. She focused on that, trying to imagine stepping off the beach and right into—
(A town at daybreak. Four friends, laughing somewhere in the distance. A fifth one, almost faded. And—
A stained glass platform, blurry, hovering below her feet.)
Pain rocked through her back, and she jolted, springing to her feet and swinging Starlight and—
She'd fallen. She'd just—she'd lost focus and she'd fallen. That was all. The beach was still empty.
(It felt so much like it had back when she was in Dali—when she still hadn't known she'd had a Keyblade, and she'd just been trying to figure out how she was supposed to get off that small world and get answers.
Sometimes, it felt like she hadn't really made it anywhere at all.)
Frustrated tears stung her eyes. "Why can't I remember?" Starlight shook in her hands. "I need to know," she whispered. "I need to know, because—because we need to get off this island. Because we're only here because of me. Because I need to fix things and I can't. Not while everything is still like this. If I hadn't lost my memories, then—then none of this would be happening. I wouldn't have gotten caught by Xehanort and the crew wouldn't be missing and Jim and Zidane wouldn't be trapped here and—" She took a breath, broken and shaking. "I just want to fix this."
(Can you really blame your missing memories? some bitter, hurting part of her asked, quiet and biting. You made choices, too. The situation felt complicated and tangled, like a knot wound round her heart. She'd had no control over Xehanort capturing her, and she knew it wasn't her fault that she hadn't been able to get out, but—it felt like it was, sometimes. And she hadn't asked for Heartless to follow her, but they still were, and maybe if she'd focused more on the crew and less on her missing memories she'd be—)
Footsteps sounded behind her, the quiet crunch of sand breaking over the waves. She realized, somewhere, that her voice had risen to a shout when she'd been speaking; she scrubbed her eyes fiercely and murmured, "I didn't mean to wake you guys."
"We weren't sleeping, anyways."
She wasn't sure if that was a lie or not.
Zidane came up beside her, giving her a gentle look. "No progress, huh?"
She shook her head. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Nothing you can do if you can't remember, right?" Zidane gave her a tight smile.
It made something in her chest twist. But I'm not really the one who's struggling the most right now. "Are you doing okay?"
Zidane blinked, looking like he hadn't entirely expected the question. He rubbed the back of his head and glanced away. "Tantalus is tough. They've survived worse."
"That's not what I asked."
Zidane's expression fell a little. "I guess I'm doing as well as I can be," he murmured. "I'm worried about them, but—there's nothing else I can do."
There was a sad sort of resignation there, and Skuld jerked away from it. "Jim?"
He was staring out across the water, expression forlorn. At his name he turned towards her and flashed a self-depreciating smile. "Guess everything would point to 'not great,' huh?"
(Because he'd lost people before. His father, and Silver, and almost her. And now no one knew where Amelia and the crew were and if they were safe, and he might be losing people again.)
"For what it's worth," Jim said, "it's not your fault."
Skuld stiffened.
"The Heartless."
"But it was—"
"It might've attacked anyways. We don't know. And you fought it with us. I don't think there's anything any of us could've done. It's just—frustrating."
Skuld stared at him, and felt something inside her chest steel. I need to do this. I need to do this, because I don't want them to lose the people they care about.
(Because she knew what that was like. She couldn't remember her missing friends very well, and the space where their memory should be ached. She could remember Xehanort, and she almost wished she couldn't, because then maybe she could imagine that everything had been alright. And Lea and Isa—)
Skuld straightened and held her Keyblade out in front of her. Her arms shook, magic shuddering through her veins, sparking like wildfire. Her heartbeat pounded against her ribcage.
"Uh, Skuld?" Zidane asked.
"I'm figuring this out."
"…Okay?"
"Skuld," Jim said, sounding tired, "like I said, it's not—"
"That's not why. You guys—you didn't ask to be dragged into this. You don't deserve to lose the people you love. I don't want you to. So I'm going to get us out of here."
(Most of the time, Skuld didn't think she felt much like a Keyblade wielder—not like some sort of legendary warrior, spoken of mostly in myth and legend. But now—magic sparking in her arms, her Keyblade steady in her hands, something like steel in her chest—she thought she finally might.)
(On a stained glass platform, somewhere in the back of her mind, the specter of herself smiled.)
I need to open a portal. I need to open a portal, but—how? Maybe I need a specific place. An address?
…I have one of those.
She'd practically memorized the address to Preston's home, and she played the words out in her mind, running them over her tongue and muttering them under her breath.
But that's not enough. I still need to figure out—maybe send the magic outwards? But what if that's not—
(Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she thought she could see a keyhole, flickering behind a fountain.)
The Keyblade can unlock any lock. It can open doors, and—what if I think of it like that? What if I'm just opening a 'door' to a new place?
Starlight hummed; she hoped it was in approval.
Skuld took a breath and her eyes snapped open. Her arms buzzed. Something flickered at her Keyblade's tip.
"Holy shit."
"Hey, is that actually—"
She took a breath, and then—
The magic released. Light burst from the end of her blade, striking the air in front of her like it was a solid thing. Magic sparked outward, almost tangible, crackling like lightning. The portal that opened wasn't dark like the one the man had made; it was bright, swirling with colors, something warm and electrical flooding from it that made Skuld's hair stand on end.
"Holy shit!" Zidane hurried towards the portal, practically bouncing around it. "You did it!"
Skuld blinked and stared. It took a few moments to realize she was smiling, something giddy welling in her chest. "I—yeah. Yeah, I did."
"Where does it go?" Jim asked, catching the back of Zidane's collar before he could head through it.
"To Atlantis. I think. That's—I had an address in mind."
"And the guy you were talking to knew about other worlds." Hope filled Jim's voice and flickered in his eyes.
Skuld nodded.
"Guys, come on." Zidane tugged himself free. "The portal's open! Let's go before it closes or something."
Skuld supposed that was a good point; she didn't know if there was a time limit on this or if she had to close it herself. The portal I went through from my cell—that one disappeared on its own. But the man with the eyepatch still could've done something.
"I'm going," Zidane said, his expression turning serious. "Come on, guys. This is what we've been trying for, right? If we can get to the others—"
"What about Dawn?" Skuld blurted.
The others fell quiet a few moments. "She'll…understand, I think," Jim said, quiet. "And if you can open a portal again, then we can come back and tell her. But first—we should probably make sure this works."
Skuld pursed her lips and nodded.
"I'm going through," Zidane said, sounding exasperated, one foot already edging towards the portal.
Jim rolled his eyes, then pushed him through it; Zidane yelped as he fell into it, and Jim followed just a step behind.
Skuld stared at the portal for a few moments. The light flickered across the beach; she wondered if anyone was watching from their house, wondering what she and her friends were doing. She wondered if maybe they knew, in a way; it wasn't the first time someone had left the islands, after all.
(She wondered if maybe this was how Xehanort had left, too.)
Skuld took a breath and glanced back for just a brief moment. She almost thought she could see someone watching from Dawn's window—but then again, that might've been her imagination. Her fingers flexed, and she turned purposefully away. It's time to find the others.
The portal hummed as she stepped into it; it tugged at her clothes and skin, prickling, not entirely uncomfortable but still strange. The light made it hard to see, and she squinted, moving forward mostly on faith.
(It felt similar to the first time she'd stepped into a portal, with no idea where she was going or what would happen. But this time—this time, she'd been the one in control. The one to create her own way out.)
Voices drifted towards her through the portal, growing more and more distinct as she neared the exit:
"…coming."
"We're really not breaking in, I promise."
"Hmm, well. That remains to be seen."
"They're not," Skuld said, and she stepped from the portal and into what looked like a large study.
An elderly man turned to look at her. His expression was surprised, but his eyes had a keen glint to them that said he wasn't quite as surprised as he might've seemed.
Skuld straightened, Starlight held tightly in her grip. "My name's Skuld. These are Jim and Zidane. And—and I think we need some help."
-Preston's place was cozy, if a bit cluttered, filled with an assortment of books that spilled from the shelves, maps hanging on every free wall, tables and cozy chairs spread out about the room. Skuld strolled along one wall, scanning over star charts, diagrams of other worlds, old maps of broken-down cities—everything.
"Sorry for the mess," Preston said. "I wasn't really expecting anyone just yet."
"It's fine," Skuld said distantly.
A cup appeared in her peripheral vision. She started, then accepted it with a tiny smile.
"Tea," Preston explained, eyes crinkling. "Figured you could use it."
Skuld sipped at it, wincing a little at the heat.
Preston chuckled. "Careful."
Skuld hummed an acknowledgement, then moved closer to the table.
Jim was bent over some star charts, hands splayed across the papers. "We're here," he muttered, circling a world at one section of the map. "And Destiny Islands look like they're here." He circled a location on an entirely different map. "We had to have been somewhere in this area, then." His pencil scratched a loose circle around an expanse of space. A couple of worlds were within reasonable distance for the lifeboats, maybe—or for the castaways to happen to fall to on their own.
"And no one landed on the same world as you, huh?" Preston asked thoughtfully.
"Not that we saw."
Preston made a quiet noise of acknowledgement.
"Where did you get all this?" Skuld asked.
"Well, I had to be prepared when I made my trip across the worlds, you know!" At her skeptical look he continued, "I'll admit I picked up most of this later. Got in touch with the right people, and they helped me plot everything out. Some of this I grabbed on my journey. Other bits I've collected over the years—things other world-weary travelers have passed along."
"Who'd you talk to?" Jim asked. "To get off this world. If we can get in contact with them, then maybe we can find out what happened to the others."
"Well, I didn't start out world-hopping, of course. Trying to find someone who believed me was…a bit difficult. I mostly got lucky—I happened upon another world traveler who didn't seem too worried about the whole 'world-order' thing. In hindsight, I think he might've been trying to hide out from the law. Galactic Federation, I think he called it?"
Skuld shot Jim a curious look.
"They're in charge of inter-world relations," he explained. "And enforcing laws related to them."
"Yes, that seems right," Preston said. "Anyway, he agreed to help me off-world and let me use his ship for travel, so long as I provided him with a safe place to stay—and supplied the crew, of course. It was certainly an adventure, but he got paid handsomely for it, don't worry!" Preston laughed, but his amusement dimmed after a while. "He's not around anymore. Died or left, I'm not really sure. And the world at large still doesn't really know much about other worlds and how they work. But I think I know another way the lot of you might be able to get off-world to find your friends."
"Couldn't get in contact with anyone," Zidane called, reappearing in the room with a loud clunk. "Any progress on your end?"
Skuld and Jim exchanged glances, then looked to Preston.
Preston grinned broadly. "Kids, I think it's time the three of you found out why our world's called 'Atlantis.'"
-"You have ships?" Jim hovered around the strange piece of tech, running his hands over the control mechanisms.
A mechanic—Audrey, she'd introduced herself as—hit him lightly and shooed him away. "Hey, watch it with that. I've put a lot of work into getting this thing up and running."
"I'm just trying to see how it works."
"Yeah, well look, don't touch."
"I know how to build these things too—"
"Looks like Jim's making friends," Zidane stage-whispered to Skuld.
Her lips tugged into a smile, but she couldn't quite focus; her attention was still captured by the extensive foliage, the beautiful buildings, they waterfalls—everything.
"…It's a lot, huh?"
"Yeah."
"You know, they might let us explore."
"Can we do that?" Skuld asked, despite herself, and then drew back, embarrassed. "Sorry, we—we need to focus on finding the others first."
"You might have time," a voice interrupted.
Skuld started and whipped around.
A woman who'd introduced herself as Kida smiled at them. She glanced towards the vehicle, expression shifting towards something a little more concerned. "Our vehicles have been used to cross vast distances across our world, but they've never left the planet. I'm not certain how they'll fair."
"It could probably work," muttered a studious-looking man beside her—Milo, he called himself Milo. "Your technology is pretty advanced, and between the improvements you all have made and what our visitors can tell us about space travel, we could probably create something that'll—" He broke off, seemingly suddenly aware of his audience, and then rubbed the back of his head, looking sheepish. "I mean, we can figure it out."
Preston chuckled. "Milo's the guy who helped find this place," he stage-whispered. "Bright kid. Bit awkward, but knows his stuff."
Skuld's lips ticked into a grin.
Jim and Audrey's arguing drifted back to them, momentarily distracting her. "I'm saying," Jim said, sounding exasperated, "that I just need one pod for now."
"How are you going to bring back anyone that you find, hmm?"
"This isn't about—we're scouting. We need to scout first. It's not going to make sense to bring a whole ship—"
"How do you plan to get out there with just a tiny ship?"
"With me," Skuld said, lifting her voice.
All eyes flicked to her.
Skuld's shoulders locked, but she steadied herself and drew a long breath. "I can open a portal back to Destiny Islands. We can take the ship and then explore there."
"And maybe find a world where we can reach out to people," added Zidane.
She gave him a grateful smile and a nod.
"And we can probably only bring small ships through," Jim said, though some of his worry showed on his face. "Bigger ships we'd probably need to take the traditional approach with."
Audrey still looked skeptical, but she sighed and shrugged. "Fine. Guess you guys are the space experts." She grabbed Jim and tugged him towards the vehicle, despite his shouts of protest. "Let's get to work, then. You're going to teach me all about how to make these things run in space."
A sort of tension started unraveling in Skuld's chest. Things might be okay, she thought. We might just be able to figure things out.
-Getting a ship ready would take some time. Not as much as trying to fix the lifeboat, but a couple days, still. It meant that Skuld was left feeling restless, and she found herself alternating between waiting in Preston's study and their station at Atlantis. With night fallen, she curled up in a recliner, staring blankly at the maps on the far wall. She wondered if her home was on any of them.
…She wondered if she'd know how to find it, if it was.
Footsteps. Quiet, tentative. She didn't shift much as Preston took the seat beside her, just tilting her head in a slight acknowledgement.
"You look like you're thinking about something."
"About what's going to happen, I guess."
"Mm. But that's not the reason you originally wanted to come here, right?" He continued, more softly, "You wanted to know about Scala, didn't you?"
"I did."
"Well, we have a few moments now, if you want to talk." He gave her a smile—something gentle, something sad. "It's not going to do much good for you to wear yourself out from worry."
Skuld glanced at Jim and Zidane, sleeping quietly across the room. After a beat she nodded, turning towards Preston. "You said you might be able to help me figure out how to get there?"
"I did, didn't I? Like I said, I'm not an expert on directions, but—" He held up a finger, then reached into his jacket. A moment later he pulled out what looked like an old leather journal. "Here," he said, passing it to her.
Skuld ran a thumb across the cover. "This is—"
"The journal I found, yes." Preston's eyes crinkled, and it looked, for a moment, like he was reliving fond memories. He tapped the cover. "This here is a collection of letters—or it was, originally. Master Ephemer himself wrote them, detailing many of the things he went through when he built Scala ad Caelum. He talks to his friends a lot—the other Union Leaders, it seems. Think he probably used it as a way to deal with his loss."
"Letters to—? Maybe I shouldn't read it. If it's—it sounds personal."
Preston laughed, but it was gentle. "Can't imagine any of the people he was writing to are still around to read them," he said. "I'm sure none of them would mind. Besides, I figure if you want answers, that's as good a place to start as any."
Skuld swallowed tightly and nodded. "You said—you said Brain was restoring them…?"
"That's right. He'd been doing it for—well, a long time, I guess. Even the old master himself didn't seem to know exactly how long he'd been working on it. He found some of the letters around Scala and took it upon himself to record them in a journal—supposedly to preserve them for future generations, but the way he talked about things made it seem like it was a more personal thing. Considering he lost it on a mission—well, can't imagine it was ever too far from his person."
There was a strange sort of grief in Skuld's chest that she couldn't quite place. "And he left it with you?"
"I was surprised, too," Preston admitted. "But he said he thought maybe it was time to let go—that maybe he'd been holding onto the past long enough, and it was time to share it with someone else. It sounded like there was a story there, though I never got to actually hear it."
Skuld's throat tightened, and she found herself asking, "Did he seem like he was happy?"
Preston paused. "He did," he said, finally. "It seemed like it was hard-won, but—yes."
"That's good." A bittersweet sort of feeling clogged her chest; her eyes burned, but she found herself smiling, anyways, and she wasn't entirely sure why. I wonder if I knew him, she thought, back in Scala. With the way time cycles work—maybe he was still alive when I was there. Maybe he helped to teach me. Or maybe I was related to him in some way. The idea that he could have been part of her family was a strange thought, almost, but it felt right in a weird sort of way.
(She hadn't really considered whether she'd had a family, before. The thought seemed almost foreign, when it hadn't been much of a concept she'd had the chance to understand. But it would be…nice, she thought. If she had one waiting for her.)
When she looked up, Preston was slightly blurry, and it took her a moment to realize she was crying. She scrubbed at her eyes and said, "Thank you. I'll—I won't take too long with it."
Preston shook his head. "Keep it. I think it'd be better in the hands of an actual Keyblade wielder."
She should protest, she thought; if Brain had given it to Preston, then it felt like he should be the one to keep it. But it was a clue to her past—maybe not much she could use personally, but something that could give her insight into where she needed to go and how this whole Keyblade thing worked.
(And there was another part of her—something buried, almost—that clung to it desperately. That sunk its claws in and wouldn't let go, desperate to keep the journal for reasons she couldn't explain.)
Skuld took a breath and hugged the journal close to her. "You wanted to know some things, too, right? About me and my Keyblade."
"I do. But you said that you don't have many memories?"
"Just—vague things. Four friends, but only in bits and pieces. And my Keyblade—I had hazy memories of that before I summoned it." Her throat tightened. "And I've been having these dreams. Ever since I woke up in—I woke up, I've been seeing this field of flowers. My friends are there, but I can't really see or understand them. And then the sky turns red, and everything falls apart."
"And you think that's a memory?"
"I don't know. I hope not."
(For a moment, she was back there, watching as the world crumbled around her. The fox was staring back at her, eyes unblinking.)
"The fox," she breathed. "Ava. Did you—did anyone ever mention something about someone named Ava?"
Preston looked thoughtful. He rubbed his chin, humming. "Hmm. The name's vaguely familiar—maybe someone mentioned it in passing."
"Oh."
"I'm sorry. Don't know everything about Keyblade wielders—didn't have enough time to learn, as much as I would've liked to."
"It's okay. I'm sorry I can't tell you more, either."
Preston laughed. "Oh, I don't mind! Still quite interesting to speak to another Keybearer, you know? Haven't had the opportunity in a long time." His eyes sparkled. "When you get back to Scala, make sure you stop by and tell me how things are there."
When. The confidence made her smile, despite herself. "I will."
"Good." He stood slowly. "Then get some rest. You'll need to be ready when you go out looking for your friends."
She nodded, clutching the journal a little tighter. Once Preston left she pulled it away from her chest, brushing a thumb over the cover. Cautiously she flipped the worn cover open.
The paper was yellowed with age and crinkled underneath her fingers. Neat script swirled across the pages; it seemed familiar, almost, and it made her suspect that she really might've known Brain, back when she'd been in Scala. Part of the ink had been blurred, slightly, like water had dripped on it; she pressed her thumb on a fingerprint-sized splotch, sweeping it lightly outwards as if she could brush it away. She took a breath and glanced at the top of the journal page.
To Lauriam, Brain, Ven, and Skuld—
The sight of her name made it feel like someone had reached into her chest and squeezed her heart. She gasped and slammed the journal shut, pressing her forehead against her knees.
It wasn't to her. She knew it wasn't; the person she'd been named after had lived eons ago, lost to time. The person Ephemer was writing to was some long-dead friend, and it felt almost disrespectful to read about his grief.
(But if she was being truthful, that wasn't why she'd stopped. It was because something in her chest ached, and she didn't know why.
…She still ended up hugging the journal close, cradling it like a stuffed animal, until she fell asleep.)
-Skuld held her Keyblade out in front of her, gripping it so tightly her knuckles turned white.
"You can do this," Zidane said, quiet.
Skuld glanced back at him and flashed a shaky smile. She caught sight of the other onlookers—of Jim and Preston and the others from Atlantis—and turned away quickly. Don't think about them. Just—focus on opening a portal. Like you did before.
Not that she actually had an address on Destiny Islands—and even if she had, she didn't imagine anyone would be too appreciative of a spaceship ending up in their house. So just—imagine the sky. Imagine what it looks like. Imagine—
Imagine the stars.
She'd spent long enough staring at star charts and learning how to read them, when she'd originally planned to try and find her way to Atlantis on her own; now she tried to pull up everything she could think of, painting an image of Destiny Island's sky in her mind. She took a breath and tugged on the magic in her chest; she twisted her Keyblade slightly, imagining it opening some invisible doorway between the worlds.
Her arms tingled with energy. Light flashed behind her eyelids; her ears hummed, but it didn't quite drown out the startled gasps. She opened her eyes, and her shoulders sunk in relief.
The portal was open.
"Remarkable," Preston murmured.
"This is—this is incredible!" Milo broke from the group, hurrying to examine the portal. "If we could do something like this, think of the possibilities to—to learn, and to trade, and—" He broke off, looking at them, suddenly sheepish. "Sorry. It's, uh. It's cool."
Skuld laughed, despite herself.
"We can put in a good word with the captain," Jim said, already climbing into their small pod—a fishlike thing, glowing blue lines swirling around it, a vague, patterned dome above it that reminded Skuld a little of the sales on the lifeboat. "You guys ready?"
Zidane hopped onto the ship in answer.
Skuld followed a little more carefully; there wasn't a lot of room on the boat, but enough that none of them would be falling out.
"Hey," Audrey said, planting a hand on the ship. "You better tell me how this works out there when you get back. If it needs repairs, I want to know about it."
"Got it," Jim said, but he sounded distracted, eyes focused on the portal.
Zidane murmured, "See? Making friends."
Skuld gave a quiet laugh.
The ship rocked.
Skuld braced herself against the side.
Jim took a breath, then sent the ship hurtling towards the portal.
"We'll be back!" Zidane shouted, but his words were stolen as they flashed through the entrance. Skuld closed her eyes tightly and gritted her teeth, trying to ignore the feeling of something tugging against her skin and clothes.
The light faded almost as abruptly as it had appeared, and Zidane let out a whoop. "Hey, take a look!"
Skuld opened her eyes and her breath caught. Below them were the Destiny Islands, spots of green peppering the ocean. They were far enough up that Skuld couldn't quite make out the shape of houses; she wondered if anyone could see them.
"Not here for sightseeing," Jim said, even if he had a similarly-awed look on his face.
Zidane's expression turned serious. "Right. Let's see what we can find."
Jim nodded and angled the ship upwards. The dome flickered above them as they moved, and all three of them tensed as they headed out of the world's atmosphere. The ship rocked a little, and Skuld gripped the edge a little tighter.
The ship steadied. The dome held.
The three of them breathed a collective sigh of relief.
Out here—it felt lonely, almost. There wasn't any life as far as Skuld could see. Their small ship moved towards a collection of rocks and—and parts of the R.L.S. Legacy. Skuld stared at the fractured bits of cannons, at the splintered bits of wood, at the wrecked remains of sails, and—
Just—just focus. The ship's just a thing. You're looking for people.
"See anything?" Zidane asked. His voice was quiet, but in the empty expanse of space, it felt like it traveled farther than it should.
Skuld pursed her lips and shook her head.
Jim steered them carefully forward, navigating around bits of debris, left behind from the wreckage. Skuld's fingers drummed against the edge of the boat, her eyes darting back and forth. Zidane, on the other side, was tense, staring intently into space, tail flicking back and forth.
Skuld didn't know how long they combed that expanse of space—long enough that her fingers started to ache from gripping the edge of the boat, her eyes tired from the strain of searching.
"We have to go back sometime," Zidane finally said, reluctant. "The others will be worried."
"I know," Jim said, even if he didn't sound like he knew.
"And—hey. No bodies. So that's a good thing, right? And we know this works now. So we can come back out later." He sounded almost like he was trying to reassure himself as much as he was trying to help Jim.
"We'll find them," Skuld said, and tried to put as much conviction as she could in her voice.
"…Right." Jim took a breath and straightened his back. "Can you open another portal?"
Skuld nodded and lifted her Keyblade.
(They would keep looking. As long as it took.)
-Searching for the others oscillated between incredibly stressful and surprisingly uneventful. One or two or all of them would head out, either in a single boat or separate ones—once Audrey and Jim had managed to create more—to search through the wreckage or stop on the neighboring worlds to try and find some sign of someone. Then they would head back, rest at Atlantis at night, and go back out in the morning. It became routine, to head out and look or to take some time to speak to the other members of the world and just learn.
Skuld threw herself into the search and tried not to feel too jittery. (Because she couldn't forget about Lea and Isa and Xehanort and the man with the eyepatch. About what might be going on with them. About whether or not her friends were okay, and she just—she needed to know.
Find the crew first.)
-"Good to know some basic first aid," a doctor was telling her—Sweet, his name was Sweet. He—as well as the others—had taken up trying to keep the three of them occupied when they weren't looking for the crew. Skuld thought she probably appreciated his help the most; it was a distraction, technically, but it also had a practical use, and it meant that it felt a little less grating. "If you don't have a doctor on-hand, it can still help you save lives."
Skuld nodded, studying how he was wrapping the bandages carefully. She tried it herself, copying the movements as best she could. "Do you think they'll be alright?"
"After a wreck like that? Hard to say. People might've gotten out okay, they might not have. The three of you are alright, so I'd say you've got good chances that others are, too." He paused. "But I'd still expect there to be some injuries."
She heard what he wasn't saying: There might be some casualties. You'll need to be prepared.
She took a breath and nodded, then tried to focus more on the task in front of her.
-Skuld stood on her tip-toes, leaning over the edge of the boat.
"See anything?" Jim asked, quiet.
She shook her head mutely.
He let out a slow breath. "We'll keep looking."
-"I'm just saying, if you need some space rocks blown up—"
"They don't need explosions, Vinny."
-"Could you contact anyone?" Jim asked.
Skuld straightened.
Zidane glanced at them, looking tired. "Didn't land on a world that has off-world communication."
Both of them slumped back into their chairs.
"…We'll look again tomorrow."
-"He's…very excited about off-world dirt."
Skuld nodded, eyebrows furrowed.
"…You know what? I'm happy for him."
-"You're going out again?"
Skuld winced, glancing back at Jim.
"It's late, you know."
"I know."
"You don't have to work yourself to exhaustion."
"I know. I know, it's just—"
"You're worried about them."
Skuld bit her lip.
"…You're worried about us."
"I just—it'll just be for a little while. I won't look long."
"I thought you had other things you wanted to investigate?"
(The journal. The one that she had tucked inside her jacket, pressed against her heart. The one she kept putting off reading because—
Because she didn't know.)
(Because it hurt every time she opened it.)
"Just—rest for a bit, alright? It's not going to help if we have to rescue you."
Skuld hesitated, then stepped away from the boat with a sigh. "Alright."
-"Is this…edible?"
Skuld shrugged helplessly.
"…Hey, Jim! Got something for you to try."
-Skuld's eyes were heavy, and she scrubbed at them feebly. Don't fall asleep. Don't—not out here.
…But it would help if I could catch sight of something.
Skuld sighed, slumping back, hitting the seat with a heavy thud. She flexed her stiff fingers and stared across the expanse of space. She was starting to feel a little like this was a lost cause—and she wasn't sure she liked what that meant.
(Lea and Isa. Her forgotten friends. She still had to check in with the first and find the second and—
Focus.)
Skuld took a breath and leaned forward, pushing the boat to go a little faster. "Ava?" she whispered, half-hoping to see a flicker of pink. "You've helped me find stuff before. I could use your help now."
Nothing appeared. She hadn't seen a sign of the fox—the Keyblade wielder?—since the episode on Destiny Islands.
Skuld had barely had time to stop and think about it, really—about the fact that Ava had been her master, apparently. About the fact that something horrible had happened. About the fact that Ava was a fox somehow, and wanted her to go home. I want to go home, too. But I don't know how to get there yet. Can I even open a portal, with what little memories I have?
…It doesn't matter yet. I've still—we've got to find the crew.
Something shifted in her peripheral vision.
Skuld snapped towards it. Her breath caught; her eyes flicked across the open expanse of space.
For several moments, nothing moved.
"Come on," Skuld breathed. "Come on. Please let this be—"
There. A flicker of movement.
Skuld caught her breath. She stood, precariously balanced, in her pod. That looks like—is that a lifeboat?
Shapes moved on the spacecraft. It looked like they were speaking, arms gesturing wildly. One pointed, frantically, in her direction.
Skuld lifted her arms and waved. "Hey!" she shouted. "Hey, over here!"
The lifeboat turned towards her.
Skuld felt almost breathless with relief. She turned the boat towards them, just barely restraining herself from hurtling their way.
"Hey!" they were shouting. "Hey, we see you!"
"I see you!" Skuld shouted back.
"Hey, is that—Keyslinger, that you?"
Skuld almost laughed. "Yeah," she said. "Yeah, it's me. Jim and Zidane are with me—not with me with me, but—we ended up in the same place."
"Holy shit. Just—man. Can't believe we found you guys."
"Neither can I."
The boats slowed, coming to a stop beside each other. The collection of crew members was small—only three people—but it was still something. "We've been out looking for people," one said. "Seeing if anybody landed on any of the neighboring worlds. The captain said to try and pick up who we could—"
"Amelia? She's with you?" I have to tell Jim. "What about Tantalus? Marcus and Ruby and the others?"
"They're fine! They're all fine. They're not actually with us—we all ended up getting kind of scattered. Lots of the lifeboats ended up crash-landing on the worlds around here, I think—some were damaged beyond repair, but others were still functional. And the captain got out the distress call in time, so the Galactic Federation went out to pick up who they could. The lifeboats have radios, so we've been in contact with the captain that way. We've just been seeing who else we could find."
Skuld's eyes burned, and now she did laugh. "We've been looking for you, too," she said. "I—come on. It's—Jim and Zidane will want to talk to you. And the others."
"Yeah, yeah! Which world did you guys land on?"
Skuld managed a tiny smile, then pointed her Keyblade off into space. Her smile broadened at the surprised murmurs when the portal opened. "What the hell have you been doing, Keyslinger?"
"Figuring things out," she murmured. "Come on. I know they'll be happy to see you."
-"Guys!"
"Hey, you little shit! You haven't gotten into too much trouble, have you?"
"Ah, come on, Boss. What kind of trouble could I have gotten in?"
"A lot."
"No one asked you, Blank." Despite the words, Zidane was still grinning, eyes bright and relieved. The lifeboat had been moored at one of their basecamps, and Jim and Zidane leaned close to the radio, chattering excitedly with some of the members of their crew that weren't physically present. Those that were wandered about the area, talking with some of the residents or staring in awe at the world around them.
"I'm glad you three are alright." Amelia, her voice warm.
"Yeah," Jim agreed. "We managed okay. And is everyone…?"
"All accounted for, now. Amazingly." A pause, broken only by the crackling of static. "Not without injury, but that's better than dead."
Jim laughed, bright and relieved. "Yeah," he agreed. "Yeah, it is. You guys are with the Galactic Federation, right?"
"Yeah," Baku grumbled, "and you can tell the lot of them we don't need to be debriefed on anything anymore."
"It's just protocol!" someone shouted in the background.
"Do you have coordinates?" Amelia asked. "We might be able to charter a ship to get to the three of you."
"I can get them. But it might be a while if you want to get a big ship here."
Skuld watched, smiling.
Someone cleared their throat.
Skuld started, then glanced at one of the other crew members.
They mimed going towards the lifeboat.
Skuld glanced at it, then back at them, furrowing her eyebrows.
The crew member rolled their eyes. "Zidane."
"Hmm?" His head shot up. His eyes lit on Skuld and something like understanding flashed inside them. "You know," he said, "Skuld's here, too. Close enough to hear us, I mean."
Oh. She waved her hands frantically, trying to cut him off. I don't think—I don't anyone's really that worried about me.
"Is she?" Amelia asked, sounding amused.
Skuld's movements slowed.
And then, more voices came crackling across the radio:
"Hey, Keyslinger!"
"What are you doing? Say 'hi' or something so we know you're there!"
"Holy shit, you survived that thing. Man, that was a gutsy last attack."
The words rolled over her, and Skuld felt something well in her chest and clog her throat. "I—" She broke off, giving a half-baffled glance towards Jim and Zidane.
Jim tilted his head towards the communicator, grinning slightly.
Skuld leaned forward, saying, "Hi."
A snort. "Yeah, that tracks."
"Good to know you're okay."
"You're part of the crew, too, you know," Jim murmured. "If you want to be."
Skuld gave him a startled look.
He gave her a small smile and shrugged. "I know you've got other things to do. But—there's still room for you here."
There was a tug in her chest. Her heart felt a little like a star, warmth spreading outwards in a small explosion. Jim was right—she still had things to do and places to be. But—
But I'd like to keep exploring and seeing what's out there. And—and maybe there's room for new friends, too, with the old.
Skuld gave him a small smile. "I'll think about it."
-Skuld held her Keyblade out in front of her. It shook a little bit, and she tried to steady it carefully. I just—I just need to check. I can just hop over to Radiant Garden briefly and make sure everything's okay, and then come back. It'll be quick. It won't cause any problems.
Her arms still shook.
…What if I'm wrong? If I'm wrong, and the others come looking for me—what happens then?
She lowered her Keyblade and sat with a quiet thump, resting the weapon across her legs. She rubbed the heels of her palms into her eyes, tired and stressed and feeling like there was a hole yawning in her chest.
"Wondered where you got off to."
Skuld didn't lower her hands. "Hey, Zidane."
"Not just me."
"And Jim."
A quiet snort. "Glad I'm an afterthought."
"See, she's thinking about you."
Skuld managed a tiny smile, despite herself. It dropped a moment later, falling with a shaky exhale.
Her friends sat on either side of her. Jim broke the quiet by asking, "You're worried about your friends, huh?"
"Mm-hm."
"And you were…thinking about going?"
The words were careful, neutral, and Skuld knew he understood, but she still felt the sting of the unsaid accusation, anyways. "Only briefly," she murmured, "but yes." She sighed, finally lowering her hands. "I decided not to."
Neither said anything, but she heard the silent 'why?' anyways.
"I was afraid," she whispered, "that things would go wrong. And—and I'm also a little scared to go back." She swallowed, her throat tight. "I've never been there, except for in a cell. What if when I open the portal, it brings me there? I can get out now, but I just—I don't want to see it again."
"Or Xehanort, I'd guess," Zidane added, quiet.
I don't know.
A couple of moments of silence, then. "Well," Zidane said, cheerful, "I guess it'd probably be easier if you had some people to go with you, right?"
Skuld's head shot up, and she blinked owlishly at him. "What?"
"What? You're worried about your friends, we all saw how weird that guy with the eyepatch was—it makes sense. We were going to get there eventually. And we at least know the others are safe, even if they aren't all here. It's not like we can do much else but sit on our hands until they arrive."
"You—you don't have to, you know. I don't want to put you guys in danger."
"I know. But see, here's the difference: I'm offering. Wouldn't do that if I didn't want to help, right?"
Skuld's eyes burned, and she nodded, something tight in her chest.
"It's not just you," Jim added, rolling his eyes. "I'm coming, too."
"What, don't want to leave us to get into trouble on our own?"
"No way. Skuld's a trouble magnet, and I don't trust you."
"What do you mean?" Zidane asked, grinning. His tail swept forward, a crystal necklace hanging off it.
"That." Jim swiped it, looking exasperated.
Skuld laughed quietly. It died a moment later, falling into something more serious. "We need a plan. Before we go."
"What, we're not just charging in, guns blazing?"
Zidane meant it as a joke, but Skuld couldn't quite bring herself to smile. "I don't want—I'm not going to put you guys in danger anymore. So. If we're doing this—we need a plan."
Zidane's expression softened a little.
"Xehanort's going to be there," Jim said. "I think that's where we should start. What are you going to do if you run into him?"
"I'm going to try not to," Skuld said. "Because—because I don't know."
"That's not really an answer."
"I know. I know, it's—" She took a breath and closed her eyes, concentrating.
(Because the truth was this: she still cared about Xehanort. The truth was this: she also kind of hated him. And the truth was that there was something angry and scared and desperate in her chest that said she should stay as far away from him as possible.)
"If I see him," she said, voice strung tight, "then I'm running. I don't think—if I'm near him, I don't think I'm going to react well. So it's—better if I stay far away from him."
Silence, then. "Right," Zidane murmured.
"Are you sure you want to do this at all?" Jim asked. "Me and Zidane could check, if you're not up for this."
She laughed, the sound bitter and broken. "I'm not," she admitted, "but how else are you going to get back? The portals are quicker than the Atlantean ships, and I have no idea how far away Radiant Garden is from here."
Neither of them seemed to have an argument for that. "Alright," Zidane said. "So we avoid Xehanort. But how exactly are we going to find eyepatch guy? If he's in the same place, we could run the risk of—you know."
More silence then. Skuld let out a frustrated breath and buried her head in her hands. "Maybe it's not worth it."
"It doesn't need to be a long trip," Jim said, quiet. "We could always just head to Radiant Garden, stay out of sight, and check on your friends. If they're okay, and it doesn't look like anything's wrong, then we can come back and regroup. And we'll leave if it becomes too much." He gave Skuld a pointed look.
Skuld pursed her lips and nodded. It felt like there was something buzzing in her chest—anxious and excited, all in one. "Alright." She lifted Starlight and felt the magic humming in her heart. "Let's go to Radiant Garden."
…:)
Thank you Lacan Shinn for reviewing last chapter! For the review response: Can't say too much about whether she will or will not interact with Xehanort at all, but…well. I'm trying to be mostly canon-compliant for the moment, so if Skuld does meet a specter of him, it'd have to be done…creatively. And that's all I'll say on that and let you guess what I mean. And you weren't wrong about Luxu—at least not entirely. He DID intentionally portal there to try and reduce the risk of a fight and/or lessen the chance that Skuld would reveal sensitive information, but he wouldn't have actually done anything had a fight broke out; he would've just left. I definitely had fun writing the bits about Skuld trying to guess what Luxu was up to and figure out her past; dramatic irony's a very fun trope, so I love when I get to use it, haha. For Luxu's lines, I had Ansem in mind for one of them—and you can probably guess which one—but for the most part, that was just a fun reference, rather than Luxu actually speaking to him. And that is actually…a good point about the apology. I was mostly referencing the fact that sometimes she's—some of her reactions to things aren't entirely intentional. She's reacting without meaning too—so that's what she meant by 'I can't always control it.' What I was trying to get at was like…she knows she's likely going to slip up again—because reactions like that are hard to unlearn—but she's still going to TRY to do better and work on things—both for her own sake, and so that she doesn't put her friends at risk anymore. However, I'm guessing that didn't come across quite right, so it's…I kind of put some references to that in this chapter, and I mostly tried to like…actually show her trying to do a bit better, so hopefully that works a little better than the conversation did. (Though for the record—her comment about 'having memories would've fixed things' IS intentional; there's a part of her that probably understands that isn't true, but she still has some…hang-ups around that that will need to be resolved.)