Chapter 1.

The forest is peaceful today. Merchant Muteki enjoyed the feeling of the sun's rays diving deep into her bones, and with a new wad of money in her pocket she is content. It couldn't get much better really. For one, the weather has been amazing. And for two, she has finished delivering her package. One that her customer insisted she bring herself. Seriously, shinobi when it comes to their toys… Anyways- her goal was accomplished without any interference and her client is beyond happy with their purchase. Seriously, it really couldn't get better and Muteki knew it. Not only did she know it, she was basking in it. These moments are what she lives for, and she wanted to enjoy it to the fullest.

'What should I do? Can really use a bath- I smell awful and the hotel has a great hot spring! I wonder if they have some hot pot at the hotel, too? Mmmmm, hotpot really sounds good right now… but bath first. I shouldn't continue walking around like this. There is only so much rivers can clean. It's going to feel so good getting this grime off.' She sighed to herself. She didn't want this feeling to ever end. So, you can guess that she is definitely not in the mood to get mugged-

But apparently a moron had different plans.

"Stop right there, you have to pay a tax before passing." Muteki looked towards the male's voice and found a grungy looking guy standing in the path. Clearly armed with a katana sitting proudly at his side. Muteki quickly dissected the blade within her mind. Analyzing it in its entirety- and she quickly concluded that the blade… is total shit. One that no self-respecting village shinobi should ever carry.

"…'Kay. Clearly you don't work for the five nations. I don't see a headband either… so not a shinobi then eh? Do you at least work for the town?" He addressed her questions with a glare.

"It's a tax that I impose- But don't worry 'sweetheart', it's only 1,000 Ryo." (A/N about ten dollars.)

"It's 1,000 I can use to buy hot pot… and to be frank, hot pot is a much more worthy investment." The man grimaced and pulled out his disgustingly-off-balanced sword. She couldn't believe he was going to try to use that glorified metal rod. That thing had to be uncomfortable to use...

"You can either hand me the 1,000. Or I take every coin I can find off your corpse. How is that for a 'worthy investment'?" Muteki slowly shook her head with a blasé attitude toward the whole situation.

"If you attack, you'll lose. I'm going on my merry way no matter what you do. Between the two of us and the trees, I'd save myself from the embarrassment and just turn around. Because trust me when I say this. It will be an embarrassing defeat. One I'd rather not waste my time on. C'mon, no one will know- Just try again with the next traveler and it'll be like this never happened." The guy is blatantly offended by her statement. His face heated up and his brows met in an angry scowl.

"You arrogant bitch! Fine. Death it is!" He raised his katana before charging towards Muteki. Yet the woman didn't move a single muscle. She didn't even have the decency to appear shocked. Because for her, this is normal. She knew what was going to happen- she doesn't have to lift a finger. This battle will fight itself. It happens every time. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME…. And today will be no different.

First the robber took a misstep and tripped over his own sandal.

"-Shit!" The man ate dirt. He flushed in humiliation but rolled right back into his attack- refusing to stall. He continued running towards her and still she held that damn blank face. No fear. No anger. Nothing except for the slight tension in her mouth. She is annoyed because what she didn't mention is how humiliating this always was for herself.

"I said it will be embarrassing damn it! Stop while you're ahead!" The man ignored her and went for a huge swing. The katana he wielded hurtling towards her scalp in what appeared to be a killing blow. The only strike he would need to end her life here and now. Her death will be painless, and this fact would be his only regret-

A crack rang out through the woods. It was loud, echoing back several times before fading off. Yet it wasn't from his sword making its mark- no. A MASSIVE BRANCH HAD FELL FROM THE HEAVENS.

Its descent was PERFECT. The branch managed to make its way into the blade's path before blood could be drawn. His katana drove deep into the wood and the sudden balance change made him lose his grip on the sword. It dropped along with the branch with a flip. Neither the branch nor sword even so much as grazed against the woman. The thief gaped at the weapon, then at her, then back at his sword. He is hesitating now, not totally sure how he was disarmed in such a ridiculous way.

'What in God's green earth is happening?' He went for it again

"T-Take this!" Just a simple punch aimed directly for her face. Nothing could go wrong this time, right? This time even she had the instinct to take a fighting stance. Muteki took a step forward to brace herself, yet her foot accidentally landed on the handle of his forgotten katana. The sword popped out of the wood with the blade side flying straight into the air. The man didn't notice this and continued to step into his punch-

Pushing his balls right into the tip of the blade.

…

Muteki gasped, frozen by the sight.

…

The robber's mind started to connect the dots. Realizing his nuts weren't ok anymore.

…

…" Told you." She whispered as she relaxed her stance. So thoroughly humiliated that she couldn't even meet the poor bastard's eyes.

…

The robber finally realized-

"FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHGHGHGHGHAHGAHGHAGHAHGHHHAHG!" He fell back with his hands holding his jewels. Muteki winced at the poor fool.

"Sorry, that was harsh. But I tried to warn you, man…" The robber glared at her with tears in his eyes.

"You…"

"Me..."

"Y-y-you!"

"Uh…yes?"

"-I'M GOING TO FUCKING STRANGLE YOU, YA FUCKING CUNT!" He shot up with one hand still holding his erm-injury. All the while Muteki couldn't stop her eye roll.

"Sttoooppp you're only going to make it wooorrsseeee." Her words are dripping with false concern. She didn't care at this point. He is a moron who needs to learn how to listen. At least the robber had the common sense to watch where he stepped this time. He raced around the sword and branch before heading straight for her YET AGAIN… Muteki stared straight into his eyes, Showing no concern whatsoever. It set him off more than ever.

"DIE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" Just as his hand stretched out… just as it kissed the delicate skin encasing her throat. In the exact moment when Muteki eyes widened ever so slightly…

A FUCKING HORSE DRAWN CART burst into the scene! It took the road's turn at a reckless speed. The cart itself almost tipped due to the carelessness. The horses ran straight at them while her attacker's jaw literally hit the floor.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULL-?" The horses stomped him into the ground while missing Muteki. She staggered back but it wasn't necessary since she was out of range. The cart the horses pulled ran over the man easy but once the branch came into its path the cart launched into the air and slammed back down into the ground. For some reason the cart was carrying a ginormous pile of dirt and as the cart hit the ground said dirt inside spilled out due to the force. Burying the fallen robber at least three feet under. Muteki's brow twitched as another man's wail came around the road's bend.

"MY CART, MY CART! DAMN IT ALLLLL!" He ran pass Muteki without so much as a wave, continuing his chase. Just after the cart driver ran by, Muteki finally caught a whiff of the 'dirt'.

"AW HELL! *Heave*-" Her eyes watered while mucus began pouring from her nose.

-It's shit. It is a literal ton of shit.

"I'm done… I'm so FUCKING done…" She stormed away from the scene. Furious at the thieve and cart owner.

"Luck-"

"My-"

"ASS."