Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling. All characters, places, descriptions, etc (unless original and created by me) belong to her.
Summary: It was a small pack, of course, just the five of them, but together they were something wild. Hermione finds herself in the Marauders' Era with four new best friends.
A/N: Wow, sorry for that... just when I catch you guys up, I go on a little break. Oops. I promise I'm not going anywhere. Thanks for being patient. Enjoy and let me know what you think.
Chapter 46: Saepe Ne Utile Quidem Est Scire Quid Futurum Sit*
17 May 1978
The Great Hall
After dinner, Hermione grabbed Remus, pulling him toward the library. He chuckled at the petite witch before resuming his natural stride, his long legs pushing him ahead of Hermione so soon he was the one pulling her. Once inside the library, Hermione guided them toward a pair of chairs pushed in a corner, her eyes darting about. Remus sat, and as he shifted to get comfortable, he missed the subtle wave of Hermione's wand and her whispered muffliato.
"Alright, what's going on?"
"I need to tell you something," Hermione paused. "I ran into Snape earlier. Long story short… He knows."
"Knows what?"
"About me."
"About you?"
"Come on, Remus, keep up. He knows about me—" She gestured between them. "—being like you."
Realization dawned on Remus' face.
"Right, so obviously I ran straight to Dumbledore because I was terrified Snape would start telling everyone he could."
Remus opened his mouth to tell Hermione the backstory of Snape's hatred of werewolves, but she stopped him.
"No, I already know, Remus. Dumbledore told me," she lied. "He said that because of the wording, Snape's oath extends to me, too. So that's lucky…"
"And?" Remus looked nervous.
"And what?"
"What do you think? About what Dumbledore told you."
"Oh, what? Nothing. I mean it obviously wasn't nothing. It was incredibly stupid and dangerous, but I think all of you have probably dwelled on it enough without me getting involved." Remus nodded but didn't seem satisfied, so Hermione continued. "You're not a monster, Remus. Nothing you could ever do could convince me otherwise."
"Nothing?"
"Nope," Hermione popped the final sound. "And anyway that's not what I wanted to talk about. I found out something, something about us."
"Us, as in?"
"Us, you and me," she lowered her volume. "And other people who share our furry little problem."
Remus raised an eyebrow but stayed silent. Hermione sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, pushing the wild mess out of her face.
"I'm still processing this information. I don't—Whatever." She waved a hand as if to clear out her errant thought. She looked pointedly at Remus. "The way Snape found out, he-he tried to look in my head. Did you know legilimens can't read our minds?"
"Yeah." Remus' face twitched with the echo of a memory.
"Oh," Hermione said, a bit dejected as she was clearly not expecting Remus to already know. "How did you know? Merlin, this has so many implications."
"There was an incident during a moon," Remus began. "It was long before you got here, around first year. I woke up in the Shrieking Shack, covered in blood, but, uh, it wasn't mine.
"I ran to Dumbledore's office. Didn't even bother getting all the way dressed. I just ran to his office with my hands, chest, and face covered in blood." Remus stared at and flexed his hands in his lap. "I'd read about legilimency before so I begged him to look into my mind to see what I had done. That's when he explained. We're immune to legilimency the same way we're immune to veritaserum—the will of the wolf. He said it was a gift, but in that moment I felt cursed all over again.
"It turned out I had killed a rabbit that had found its way into the Shack," Remus shrugged. "But it was a week before Dumbledore told me."
"That would be the worst thing for you, wouldn't it?" Hermione's heart broke.
"If I bit someone–" Remus raised his eyes to her. She could feel the heat. "If Moony bit someone, it would kill me."
They broke eye contact, each preoccupied with their own thoughts. The air around them settled. Hermione looked at Remus. He spoke before he met her eyes.
"Why are you so intrigued by this?" he asked her, slipping into professor voice, as if he was trying to help guide her to the answer.
"It got me thinking," Hermione leaned forward as she herself shifted into student move. Her eyes widened and twinkled with curiosity. "What else does this mean for us?"
"What do you mean?"
"Legilimency, veritaserum—What else belongs on the list? The imperious curse? Obliviation? What else are we capable of?"
19 May 1978
The Room of Requirement
Classes were over, just like that. Hermione almost couldn't believe it. The only things that stood between her and the frightening reality of freedom were a few weeks and a series of exams that wouldn't even matter.
The last day of classes had started on a melancholy note. Breakfast was accompanied by another Daily Prophet article speculating about the most recent attacks. Hermione had not been the only one seething over the newspaper sensationalizing the current situation. James and Sirius spent the meal whispering to each other in between glances up to Dumbledore's empty seat.
Then at lunch, Hermione had sat down the entire pack to update them on the Snape situation. They were furious. Hermione had needed to petrify Sirius to stop him from going after the Slytherin. She explained her conversation with Dumbledore, promising the vow extended to cover her as well. But even as they listened and settled, the pack was agitated and uneasy. Sirius was exceptionally quiet as Hermione had described her foray into the mind of Severus Snape.
After the last class of the day, instead of heading to the kitchens with Remus and Peter, James and Sirius ran off to talk to Dumbledore. Hermione, on the other hand, stole away to meet Regulus in the Room of Requirement. As the full moon was still three days away, Hermione was only just beginning to feel the effects. The majority of her agitation stemmed from James and Sirius.
BAM! She managed to knock Regulus across the shoulder.
"They're foolish. Both of them," she huffed. "Thinking they can handle this war right now."
BAM! Regulus reeled back after a blow to the chin.
"They're blinded by their morals and sense of duty," she growled.
"They're Gryffindors," Regulus shrugged, stepping back in.
"So am I, and you don't see me running into the flames."
"Yeah, but you're smarter than them," Regulus smirked as he stepped out of the way of her fist. "Plus I like to think that I've managed to instill a little Slytherin self-preservation in you."
Hermione laughed but she stayed focused, suddenly dropping to the floor throwing out a leg.
BAM! Regulus hit the floor.
Hermione stepped over to him, her muscles relaxing instantly. She held out her hand for him. Regulus grasped it and allowed her to haul him back to his feet.
"Dumbledore won't allow it," he offered. "He's always going on about the greater good, and somehow I don't think that includes letting my brother and James Potter get hurt."
"That's the thing, though." Hermione's eyes darkened. "Talking about the greater good makes it seem like it's easy to define the good and the bad, but it's not. Look in the mirror, Regulus, it's all shades of grey. It's not black and white.
"I've known people who've walked the line between the two so closely it was impossible to tell where they really stood. I've seen people betray friendships, betray family." She grew quiet. "Even I'm not fully good, Regulus. I've done things, things to protect my family and friends, sure, but things I never thought I'd do. Maybe it's hopeless and naïve, but-but I just want to shield them from it as long as possible."
"As much as you want to, Hermione," Regulus said, turning away from her to move to the cabinet that held their healing supplies. "You can't save everyone."
Seventh Year Boys Dormitory
When Hermione finally made her way back to the Gryffindor common room, Peter and Remus were sitting by the fire, but James and Sirius had yet to return. So she sat to wait for them.
Then, just when Peter was about to leave for a rescue mission, James and Sirius burst through the portrait hole. One look at their faces sent Hermione, Remus, and Peter scurrying up the stairs to the boys' dormitory, Hermione sitting on the edge of Remus' bed, Peter on the floor at her feet. Remus stood leaning against the bed post.
"Come on, out with it. Where've you two been?"
"We went to talk to Dumbledore." Neither James nor Sirius sat down. Instead, they paced around the area in front of the rest of the pack. The air grew static with pent up energy.
"About wanting to fight," Remus supplied. James nodded. "And what did he say?"
Hermione was hit with a wave of panic. Had James and Sirius already joined the Order? Is that what took them so long? Was this the beginning?
"He just kept repeating what he's always says," huffed Sirius. "He won't allow anyone who is an enrolled student to join."
"But it's the way he was saying it," James jumped in. "It was like he was emphasizing the enrolled student bit. Like he meant as soon as we graduate we can join."
"I mean, it makes sense," Remus said. "We all saw the paper this morning. It's getting really dangerous. It would be foolish to let students run off and get involved."
"Yeah, yeah," James hastily agreed. "I mean Dumbledore's got our best interests in mind. He's been adamant about not letting us get involved, but come on. We have to get in there at some point. We've got to fight."
The rest of the boys voiced their agreement and Hermione nodded along, keeping her mouth firmly shut. The months following Dumbledore's death in 1997 and her time in the past had led her to reevaluate her opinion and thoughts of the Headmaster. There was no denying he was a great and brilliant wizard. But the man had his secrets.
It bothered her, his resolute decision to keep school children out of this war. She, Harry, and Ron had been exposed to Tom Riddle's evil since their earliest years at Hogwarts. Dumbledore seemed to have no qualms about them starting young then. Merlin, he'd even supported the DA's efforts. It made Hermione wonder what was really going on in the old wizard's head. Was he being genuine in his efforts to protect them from the war? Or was this too part of his plan?
Later in Hermione's time, was it regret over how things had gone in the past that allowed him to put Harry in the ring before he was ready?
21 May 1978
The Room of Requirement
On Sunday, Regulus was in the Room of Requirement preparing to fight Hermione. What he wasn't prepared for was her to rush into the room crying.
There she stood just steps inside the room with the door dissolving behind her, tears falling down her face. Rushing forward, Regulus pulled her to him. It was the first time they had ever hugged. Hermione shifted her arms to grasp at Regulus' robes, careful not to add any space between them. After a moment, Regulus pulled away and lifted a hand to clear away her tears.
"What's wrong?"
Hermione looked back at Regulus. She smiled, a little embarrassed, and wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand. She stepped out of Regulus' embrace and walked further into the room. She drummed her fingers on her thighs before wrapping her arms around herself.
"Sorry." She turned back to Regulus. "I haven't been affected by my emotions like this in a while."
"What happened?" Regulus followed her into the room as it shifted to the library at Grimmauld Place. They sat in their chairs, Regulus leaning forward toward Hermione.
"I feel a bit foolish now, but I just realized tomorrow night will be my last full moon at Hogwarts."
"Oh," Regulus said, leaning back into his chair. He looked away from Hermione. "Yeah, I realized that a while ago. Wasn't sure if you'd bring it up."
An awkward silence descended. Hermione fiddled with a loose thread on her jumper. Regulus, meanwhile, was caught between wanting to throw up his walls and wanting to tell Hermione how he really felt.
"I'm not—I don't—" Hermione paused, leaning forward toward Regulus. "I'm scared."
Regulus met her eyes.
And they just looked at each other.
And somehow Regulus knew. He knew she was thinking about the January moon. And although he knew she didn't blame him, he also knew she was afraid it would happen again. He knew she was afraid of hurting herself, of scaring her friends, and afraid of losing him.
Regulus felt a pain. It came from somewhere lost in his chest. He looked at Hermione in front of him and wanted to tell her that everything would be alright. That she was strong and brave. That she didn't really need him. That he wished she did. That he was scared too, just not for the same reasons. He was afraid of what would happen after she left, of her getting involved, getting in the way, getting hurt. He was afraid of the possibility that the next time they saw each other after Hogwarts, they would be separated by wands and sides and this fucking darkness that was suffocating the brightness out of every piece of Regulus' life.
But suddenly Hermione was shooting forward, launching herself onto him. She was too close and was holding him too tight, but for some reason, Regulus enjoyed the hug.
Too soon for his liking, Hermione pulled away and shifted to kneel on the floor in front of his chair. She kept her weight resting on his leg as she looked up at him.
"It won't happen, Regulus," she said. "I'm not going to lose you, and you're not going to lose me. I do need you. There's no way to avoid us getting involved in all of this. It's too late. But I swear—I'll never raise my wand to you."
"Did you just use legilimency on me?" Regulus' brows furrowed and confusion, hurt, and a bit of disbelief dashed across his face. Hermione was taken aback by the sudden ice in his voice.
"What? No, I would nev–"
"Then how did you know what I was thinking?"
"I just…" Hermione smiled sadly and rested her chin on his knee. "I just, knew. When you looked at me, I just knew."
Regulus narrowed his eyes.
"Regulus," Hermione fought the urge to roll her eyes at him. "It's just that thing when you know someone so well you can communicate with looks alone, a raised eyebrow, a squinted eye. You don't need words. It's that thing."
"Oh." And just as quickly as it hardened, the ice melted.
But as Hermione settled back against Regulus' leg, him summoning two books for them to read, her heart stilled in her chest. This was something she had been used to for years, seven years in fact. But she knew, she knew why Regulus had grown quiet beside her. She knew why he didn't immediately agree with her, immediately understand how she knew what he was thinking. She had shown the same instant shyness the first time it had happened with Harry and Ron. And yet, Harry had seen her face and known. It was a domino effect of lonely children befriending each other and teaching them about friendship.
Monday, May 22, 1978
The Tunnel Under the Whomping Willow
It felt fake, the smiles and the laughs as the small pack made its way down to the Whomping Willow. Hermione tried to separate herself, to not just be in the moment. She wanted to be above the moment. She wanted to notice everything, to commit it all to memory. She wanted to be able to bottle this night up in a vial and swim in it. She didn't want it to end.
Hermione was bringing up the rear. Remus was leaning on Prongs while Wormtail sat between the stag's antlers. Sirius, in his Animagus form, was darting back and forth, up and down the tunnel, the whiskey towel tied around his neck like a cape. He nipped at Prongs' legs before rushing back toward Hermione to avoid getting kicked in the head. Hermione smiled and scratched the top of Padfoot's head as she slipped back into the recesses of her mind.
But then the soft fur under her palm was suddenly fingers lacing between hers. She blinked and looked at Sirius beside her.
"Sickle for your thoughts?"
"It's our last moon at Hogwarts," Hermione whispered. Sirius squeezed her hand.
"Don't worry, Pup. Nothing like January will ever happen again. The next moon isn't until June 20th, so we've got some time after exams to figure things out."
"You know when the next moon is?"
"Well, yeah." Sirius ran the hand not holding Hermione's through his hair. "I mean, Remus has always given us heads up, but I started looking ahead and memorizing dates this year."
"This year?"
"Yeah, Pup, this year." He squeezed her hand again. The stairs up to the shack were almost visible.
"It's just—We don't even know where we're going to live, what we're going to do."
Sirius stopped them and turned Hermione to face him, his hands on her shoulders.
"Pup, listen. Yeah, there's a lot of unknowns and a lot is out of your control right now, but don't worry. Let's just have tonight. We'll deal with everything else as it comes.
"After we leave, we'll live at home until we figure out what's next. And the moons… I don't know if we'll always be able to all be together, full pack, but—I'm not going to miss one, okay? I promise. I'll never miss a moon."
He stepped closer and looked at her as if she was something special. And Hermione looked at him, wanting to believe he'd always be there but knowing it couldn't possibly be true.
And suddenly the hands on her shoulders pulled her forward and wrapped around her. And Sirius was too close and holding her too tight, but nevertheless Hermione melted into the hug. Her fingers grappled with the towel still around his shoulders until they found their way underneath to cling to the fabric of Sirius' shirt, tingling with the warmth emanating from the body below.
Hours later, a boy stood by a window, wringing and wrapping a green and silver tie around his hands. The moon hung in the sky, a lone centurion in the absence of clouds. In his solitude, he thought he could hear them howl.
A/N: *Often it is not even advantageous to know what will be.