Disclaimer: still don't own it, still don't want it.

Jagged Pieces

Things had been oddly… good.

They still bickered, but it was more in a teasing way than a hurtful one. Naruto had missed this kind of companionship – just being able to laugh with a friend, to not watch your back all the time. It had been weird to go back to her old habits of keeping to herself. She hadn't liked it one bit, too used to human warmth or her furry little problem grumbling constantly in the back of her mind. Minato wasn't as boisterous as her old friends (and it still hurt thinking about them, subconsciously seeking their ghosts in the corners of a room when something made her snicker) but his dry wit and warm grins made up for it.

When one of his slanted smiles was directed at her, it was always followed by a large hand on her shoulder or arm. At first, Naruto shied away from the gesture – too unfamiliar, too heavy with connotation – but the more Minato touched her, the more starved she was for the innocent touches. As a child, she never had the luxury of getting hugged or being comforted by a parent. This time around, her father – though young – was at her sides, reaching for her without a second thought and easily dishing out his affection.

However, the second Naruto would think about that so-called affection, her blood would run cold and her shoulders would stiffen. They were not just a man and a woman. They had to behave a certain way, and Naruto couldn't let the shinobi lull himself into believing that this marriage would be fruitful. This isn't healthy, a voice resembling Sakura kept whispering in her ear. A disaster waiting to happen.

That's why less than a week into their new routine, as they were lounging outside, Naruto said, "Hey. You're not expecting us to have sex, right?"

She tried to act nonchalant while saying that, but she could feel how her face was burning and knew her cheeks must be cherry-red. She coughed in her fist to try and compose herself before chancing a glance at Minato – surely he'd be even more embarrassed than her. She remembered how Kushina told her what a 'pussy' he'd been while alive!

What greeted her instead was a smirk and arched eyebrow, something akin to challenge in the male's icy blue eyes. Naruto choked on her saliva, wondering if someone could faint from too much blood rushing to the head.

"What are you smiling for, you idiot?!" she screeched, subconsciously backing away from him.

The smirk grew larger. "Oh my, oh my," he simpered suggestively, heavily batting his lashes, "with such an expression, I would almost think that you're asking to be ravished, Naruto-san!"

"Quit joking around! I'm not! I was just making sure we're on the same page," the kunoichi grumbled, refusing to look away from his face even though her awkwardness was written all over hers.

"Well", Minato began with a serious look, "I'm a healthy young man. I have my needs."

His suggestive tone ruined his seriousness, and Naruto punched his arm while he chuckled. It was always like this: she would try to have a conversation like good, responsible adults, and he would humor her for a few minutes before having his fun, always deflecting her worried questions with lewd comments or sarcasm.

"Be serious. Please."

Maybe it was her concerned frown that made him yield, or maybe it was a good day and Minato didn't feel like stringing her along for hours. He sighed while massaging his hurt arm, his gaze never leaving Naruto's.

"I wasn't entirely joking. I have no idea how our relationship will evolve, after all."

She swallowed through the lump in her throat, frowning ever harder than before. "We're only friends. We're not a real couple."

Minato leant back on his hands, the grass tickling his bare wrists. His eyes went down the length of Naruto's body, stopping at her belly. He kept looking at her enlarged stomach as he said in a low voice, "What if we become more?"

"No."

Her reply was instantaneous, delivered in a clipped voice as she straightened her back and shoulders, fingers clamped around her knees so tight that they grew white.

Instead of the arguments or annoyance she was ready to face, Minato smiled – all sweet and closed eyes, head slightly tilted so that his long bangs tickled his pointy chin. Then he opened his eyes to a slit, like a panther scrutinizing its next meal.

"Time will tell, I guess," he settled for, getting up to his feet.

He offered his hand to help her up, and Naruto turned her head away from him, her arms crossed around her chest. He waited a bit, but when she made no move, Minato shrugged and put his hands in his pockets.

"I sent a message to my brother – Bee. He agreed to meet us in the forest."

"Us?" Naruto begrudgingly inquired.

"Yes. He has to meet my wife if he's to testify of your origins when asked."

Not 'if asked'. So Minato fully expected their union to be questioned, and for Naruto to be suspected of falsehood. She ignored the churning in her stomach at the word 'wife'.

"Come back inside in an hour," Minato demanded, his tone brooking no debate. "I'll have a meal ready for you – we need to put some meat on you, otherwise I'll be accused of neglecting my pregnant wife."

"You're going to make me gag," she sneered. "You're way too fond of this word…"

This earned her an amused chuckle as Minato made his way back to the cottage. "It's so that you can get used to it, Naruto-san!" he called over his shoulder.

And also because it was funny to see her cringe. But he would keep that piece of information to himself.

xox

"How long are you gonna make me walk, man? My feet are killing me, ya know," Naruto huffed, glaring at Minato's back while putting her hands on her lower back in the hope to alleviate some of the weight pushing her belly down.

It was humiliating to see how her stamina had so rapidly decreased in the last week. She blamed Minato's insistence on fattening her up and practically forbidding her to train. His argument was that an ANBU ranked captain was plenty enough to deal with any threat coming their way. A punch in the guts was her angry answer – though she would never admit that she had to nurse her aching knuckles for hours afterwards, while Minato condescendingly cooed at her attempt to 'play tough'.

When Minato didn't reply, the woman felt irrational anger boil through her veins. Deep down, Naruto knew it was her hormones fucking her over, but she couldn't bring herself to care – she was hurting, she was sweating, she felt gross, and the baby kept kicking her back. Now the prick was ignoring her, and she wanted to scream and punch and crawl into a hole to hide away from the world.

She was about to launch a dirty attack at the ninja's back when Minato suddenly stopped and whirled around. Without comprehending why or how, Naruto found herself on the ground; Minato crouched in front of her as he threw three kunai at the top of a tree.

They were deflected by shuriken and Minato slowly got up, fists clenched at his sides.

"Is that how you greet your brother, you little wanker?"

"Do I need to cut that tongue of yours so that you learn some manners, Bee?"

The leaves in the tree rustled and Bee hoped down from where he was hiding, soundlessly jumping on nearby rocks so that he could still look down on the newcomers. He crossed his arms, staring at the two blonds behind his shades, and Naruto used that time to study her old friend. He hadn't changed much through the years – aside from his wrinkle-free face and the lack of tattoo on his cheek. She wondered if it was because he wasn't already friends with the Hachibi.

With a jolt of realization, she focused on him and tried to reach for the demon. But the longer she prodded at the man, the more confused she grew. There was no demonic chakra. With a sigh, she came back to reality. Maybe it was because Kurama wasn't in her anymore, that she couldn't feel his brethren. Her sadness was quickly washed out with Bee's loud voice.

"Who's the preggo chick? Don't tell me it's the fruit of your dic—"

"One more crude word out of your mouth and you'll go back to Kumo with sewed lips," Minato cut the man off, a vein throbbing at his temple.

Bee pursed his lips, as if weighing the cons and pros, before sighing and scratching at his beard. "It was all for the rhyme, yo! Still, you didn't answer the question, bro."

"This," at that, he gently pulled Naruto forward, a hand between her shoulder blades, "is my wife, Naruto. She's the reason I called you here."

All at once, Bee's expression soured and he crouched down on his rock, gesturing with one hand at the kunoichi.

"Where does she come from? Is it a little girl from back home?"

The way he said 'home' with so much scorn obviously meant 'Konoha'. Unthinkingly, Naruto was about to proudly yell 'you betcha!', but Minato's hand slid down her back to her hip and squeezed warningly. 'Let me do the talking,' she understood.

"Actually, Naruto-san is from Kumo. Unfortunately, in the incapacity of meeting myself the Raikage to ask for the needed documents, I thought you would be so kind as to legally construct our wedding contract."

"Minato, come on! You know big bro would be delighted to see you back where you belong. Married to a Kumo citizen, at that!"

In his excitement, Bee had forgone all rapping rimes and even jumped off the rock, arms wide open as if to embrace his long lost brother and new wife.

"I'm never coming back – Kumo isn't where I belong anymore. I'm a mere bastard, remember?"

This stopped Bee on his tracks, arms slowly going down, and a frown pulling at his brows. He looked genuinely upset at Minato's calm words.

"Ay doesn't care," Bee tried. "He adopted me – a nobody – into the family."

A wry chuckle came from the exiled shinobi. "Don't think too high of yourself – you're my replacement, that's all."

Shocked by the callous words, Naruto harshly elbowed him. "Hey! That's not cool!"

He frowned at her but didn't say anything in rebuttal. Bee didn't look hurt, meaning it wasn't the first time they had this particular conversation. Still, it didn't make it alright to say such awful things.

"Apologize," she hissed. "Apologize, or I'm gonna kick your ass so hard you'll be able to taste the rubber of my sandal on the back of your tongue."

Minato dubiously looked from her face, then to her belly, but refrained from making any derogatory comment. Instead, he squared his shoulders and, chin held high, droned, "I'm sorry for saying you're a replacement, even though I only stated known facts."

A lopsided grin stretched Bee's lips. "I see the sass still hasn't been beaten outta your weak ass."

"I could say the same about your stupidity," was Minato's reply, accompanied by his now infamous sickly sweet smile and tone.

This earned him a new elbow in the side, and Bee's grin widened. "I like your wife, she's got bite! But tell me, why should I let you two go, instead of dragging you to Kumo?"

"Politics. Think about it – a union between a Kumo citizen and me, an exiled sharing the Raikage's blood at Konoha's service? This would mean a long peace between our countries. New opportunities, too."

"What opportunities? We need nothing from Konoha nins."

It wasn't entirely true – the Land of Lightening could do with new cattle, while the Land of Fire could do with new harvesting techniques. But these weren't what Minato had in mind to make Bee more inclined to go against Ay's direct orders to capture the stray bastard brother in sight.

"As you can see, my wife is pregnant. Having a family made me open my eyes on certain matters… And I realized that I wouldn't be opposed to reconcile with my brothers. I don't want for Naruto to forever forsake her home country because of me, and I don't want my child to never know of his origins."

If Bee hadn't been wearing his shades, Naruto is sure she would've seen his eyes pop wide open, like his mouth did. He truly seemed shocked by his brother's words, and he had to clear his voice twice before being able to say anything.

"Really?"

There was so much hope in the word that Naruto felt tears well up in her eyes. It was like watching one of the drama-filled movies Ino loved, but this time, Naruto didn't find it silly. Maybe it was because she knew the people in front of her – had laughed and fought and bled with them. And it was the first time in her whole life that she'd seen Bee so affected by a simple promise.

"Yes. But for that to work, we need to go slow. No attacking me and trying to bring me back to Ay."

Nodding eagerly, Bee pumped his fists in the air. "Brother's gonna be so happy! We're gonna be a true family!"

"Not right now," Minato stressed again, rubbing two fingers against his left temple. Dealing with Bee always caused him headaches.

"Yes, yes," the Kumo ninja easily dismissed. "So what is it you need? A marriage contract explaining you did the deed?"

"More precisely, it has to be a contract dating back from when my mother was alive. I don't want people in Konoha questioning my union and its respectability. Naruto is clanless, you see? An orphan taken in by a wanderer when she was younger. She never lived in Kumo, always on the outskirts."

"I see, I see. I'll draw up somethin' and send a duplicate to Konoha's archives. Official enough for ya?"

"Wonderfully so. And keep it quiet, alright? I don't need Ay to be aware of it until my Hokage is."

Bee frowned, but agreed. Ay would act irrationally if he knew his bastard brother had made another bastard, and was keeping the kid away from Kumo on top of that. Hopefully, the promise of Minato wanting to build back their broken bonds will help smother the inevitable wrath of the Raikage.

With that, Bee took three big steps and folded his arms around his brother, enclosing him in a tight embrace. "It was good seein' you, Minato. Even though you're still an ass."

"Yeah, yeah, feeling's reciprocated. Let go of me, now."

With one last squeeze, the Konoha shinobi was released and he deftly pulled Naruto behind his back when Bee tried to smother her in an embrace.

"She doesn't need you to induce her labor with one of your death hug."

The other man laughed, as if Minato just made a good joke. After one last farewell, he took his leave, and Minato waited a few minutes, head tilted on the side and eyes narrowed. When he was sure they were alone, he turned around and reached his arms towards the silent kunoichi.

"What are you doing, weirdo? Keep your arms to yourself."

"Your feet hurt, and we have a long journey ahead of us."

Naruto's first reaction – and she blames it on her crazy hormones – was to feel moved that the man had actually been listening to her and was aware that her swollen ankles were slowly killing her. This reaction was quickly forgotten when her ninja side took over her doped brain. A journey? The cottage might be far, true, but not enough to consider their walk back home a journey. Something was tickling Naruto's senses and she frowned.

"I can walk thirty minutes. At worst, we'll make a few pauses."

"We're not going there."

"Er, yes we are."

An annoyed tick developed on Minato's right eyebrow, and Naruto crossed her arms before dropping on the rock Bee had previously invaded.

"Look, hubby," she said the word with mockery, an echo of Minato's annoying 'wife', "if you want this – whatever this is – to work, you need to communicate. I'm not a brainless doll you can cart around whenever you please."

Minato sighed but nodded nonetheless.

"Alright. We're going back to Konoha. I don't trust Bee to actually be able to keep his mouth shut for long. It would be best for us to be home before any news of your pregnancy gets out – Ay won't let a potential Kumo ninja slip through his fingers."

He reached out for her again, fingers wiggling. "Now jump in my arms."

Now she understood why the cottage had looked emptier than usual. The sneaky bastard had taken advantage of her sulking to store what he deemed important in seals, already preparing their getaway. She was glad war had taught her to always carry her most important possessions with her.

With a huff, she uncrossed her arms and begrudgingly said, "I don't know if it's a good idea. My former doctor… She told me to avoid brisk movements towards the end of my pregnancy. I don't think tree hopping is safe."

A smile blossomed on the man's lips. Like this, he looked like the carefree, joyful dad she knew.

"Good, we're not tree hopping," he said as he showed her a pronged kunai.

She had given him back his pouch of weapons when they made their deal, and truth be told, she had never taken the time to look through it. Mouth agape, she looked at the famed kunai with envy. Just by looking at the careful calligraphy on the tag, she knew that this was the work of a meticulous genius – which she wasn't. And this, she thought, was the key to unlock her own faulty seal. This was the key home.

Swallowing through the lump in her throat, she mumbled, "Not sure my nausea will agree with flashing through the world…"

"You're not the first pregnant woman I would've helped travelled with my Hiraishin. Don't worry – I wouldn't put my child's life in danger."

It took a few seconds for Naruto's brain to actually catch up with the meaning of the words. Because she wasn't the child he was speaking about – though she nearly had a heart attack at first, thinking her identity was found.

No. He was talking about her own baby.

"Not yours. Mine," she breathed out, feeling primitive.

There it was again – that hungry glint in his eyes as he stared at her belly.

"Yes, but mine too. Our marriage might be fake but we're stuck together now, and we must make the best out of it. This child will be mine to nurture, mine to educate."

He crouched down; facing her as he gently splayed his broad hands over her bulging stomach. "Is it that much of a bad thing? To give them a father – is it bad?"

"No," she mumbled.

Because Naruto knew what it was like to grow up without parents, but it didn't mean that she would let her father screw with the universe by being a good Samaritan. This was a man who still hadn't fallen in love, who saw nothing really worthy on this Earth, attaching himself out of misplaced pity to an unborn life and its inept, reckless mother.

This was not his duty.

His duty was to marry Kushina, to become Hokage, and to have his own child. Her – Naruto.

"Minato," she began, and he lifted up his head, shocked. This was the first time she called him by his name, and it felt weird – unnatural. "I think you're getting ahead of yourself. When we'll be in Konoha, you'll see that all this? This is not what you're destined for, okay?"

There was a long silence, before Minato smiled. It didn't reach his eyes, and his fingers clenched lightly around her stomach before letting go. "Time will tell, I guess."

It was an echo of their earlier conversation, and Naruto felt like butting heads with a wall. There was no point in trying to make him see reason. She sighed, got up, and let the man carry her with one arm, belly pressed against his chest as she held onto his neck, legs dangling from his crooked elbow.

When she gave her assent, he threw his pronged kunai with a burst of wind chakra, and like that, they flew through the continent and countries, until they reached Konoha's gates. At most, it had taken an hour – far less than the two days of non-stop running required to eat away such a distance.

True to his words, she didn't feel like throwing up and the baby didn't fuss. Still, she felt much better with her two feet on the ground and away from Minato's arms. It was obviously not the case for the man who absentmindedly put a hand on her back and guided her through the gates as the guards and Minato exchanged hellos.

"Yo, touchy-feely much, old man?" she hissed through clenched teeth as they stepped into the village.

This only caused him to slide his hand lower down her back, his awfully sweet smile fully on. "You really need to get used to it, because nobody's going to believe I won't feel protective or possessive of my pregnant wife."

Still, she pulled his arm off her and was about to viciously insult him when a voice screeched, "MI-NA-TOOOO!"

The man immediately stiffened while Naruto scowled. She could swear she knew that voice.

Villagers hurriedly plastered themselves to nearby walls, getting as far away as possible from the two blondes as thundering footsteps were heard. To the civilian eye – and even to some ninja's – it looked like a red blur stormed through the street, before it jumped on a still Minato.

Arms snaked around the man, holding him close as violet eyes peeked over his shoulder at the shocked blond girl.

Annoyance appeared instantly on the pale red-haired face. "I can't leave you alone one second, can I?" came a deep, weary voice, before lips were mashed together.

Through all that, Minato stayed limp, and Naruto looked on with a mix of elation – because this was her mother, kissing her father – and worry – Kushina sounded a bit ill, and even her body looked slimmer.

Violet eyes sought hers again, confusion replacing earlier annoyance. Mouth still against Minato's, Kushina said, "Dude… I think that one's a pervert or something."

Then Minato's hand roughly met Kushina's face as he pulled her off him. "The only pervert I see is you."

"The nerve of you! You're the one who came up with that tactic!"

"Once," Minato refuted, cheeks tinged with faint pink, "you're the one who decided that every time a girl was nearby, it was a good idea to molest me…"

The banter was lost on Naruto's ears as she dumbly stared at her parents.

This was not the enamoured or even friendly Minato she had hoped to see.

And this definitely was not the Kushina she had expected.

Because this Kushina had no breasts. And an Adam apple to go with her rough, deep voice and angular face.

Her mom was a man.

As was her dad.

Like… What?

Her mind still in the midst of breaking down, Minato chose that moment to turn towards her, still keeping the Uzumaki away from him as the red-haired try to punch him in the face.

"Naruto-san, this is an acquaintance of mine – Kujin Uzumaki."

He was cut off by the man yelling, "Best friend, asshole! Not mere acquaintance, you should be grateful, believe it!"

The blond man sighed and continued in a bored tone, "Kujin, this is my wife. Refrain yourself from slobbering all over me from now on, thank you."

"Wait. Since when are you married? And I wasn't invited? You douche!"

This time, his punch caught Minato's shoulder who sighed once more, already feeling drained. He had forgotten how dealing with the Uzumaki was so exhausting. Come to think of it, Naruto was kind of similar – but tamer. He inwardly wondered if it was a good idea for the two fiery tempers to meet.

For the first time, Kujin examined his friend's wife, a wide smile stretching his lips – until he caught sight of her stomach. Smile frozen into place but eyes wide open, he asked out loud, "Dude, is she, like, pregnant? Or is she… you know… fat?"

In a far corner of her mind, there was a calm Naruto actually trying to make sense of the situation. The only reasonable answer she came up with was that, besides her fucked up time stamp; her space stamp had obviously been erroneous. Meaning that she didn't just travel back in time – she actually managed to do the impossible and hop through fucking dimensions. Naruto was the stupidest accidental genius ever.

That's it, Naruto's brain decided. Time to black out.

And she gladly did so.

To be continued…

A/N: How many bombs does this make in one chapter? Two? Three? I lost count!

BOOM! Surprised? I hope you are. It was hilarious to plot this.

Not many have guessed the 'hopping through dimensions' thing, and even less had guessed that Kushina was, in fact, a man (1 or 2 persons, I think). Congratulations to you, people, you don't know how freaked out I was behind my screen, jumping all over the place and whisper-yelling 'noooo! I can't believe these assholes found out! OMG YOU GUYS, WHAAAAT?' I just wanted to send these awesome peeps a PM saying, "ASDFHLKJMA YES YOU CLEVER PERSON, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR WILD GUESS WAS ACTUALLY TRUE. I JUST CAN'T. BRAVO."

Anyway! I hope you enjoyed that chapter. Writing Bee's rap was a fail, but I gave it my best. And I can already tell I'm gonna love writing Male!Kushina as the awesome, overbearing bro. Yep.

Thoughts? Praises? Questions? Feel free to drop a word! As always, bear in mind that I'm super slow when it comes to replying – I've become Life's bitch, recently, you see? And I remind the guests that I reply on my tumblr: the link in on my profile!

Please, DO NOT ask when I'll UPDATE – I'M AS CLUELESS AS YOU.

THANKS for reading, following, adding to your favs, and reviewing Jagged Pieces! YOU ROCK, you WONDERFUL people!