So I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when
When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
Meghan Trainor, "Like I'm Going to Lose You"
Nathan had never felt irritation towards a kettle before but he guessed there was always a first time for everything. He sent a glare toward the cookware, which earned him a giggle from Elizabeth. He was a bit embarrassed that she could so obviously read what his expression meant-and that it had been aimed at a kettle-but he shouldn't be surprised. Just like he shouldn't have been surprised that she'd already known something was still a bit off with Allie. Sometimes he still had trouble reading his niece's emotions. The only reason he'd gotten better was because she had mostly let her guard down after they'd permanently settled into Hope Valley. Just another thing he owed Elizabeth for.
He looked back to see Elizabeth trying to school her features into a neutral expression, but he could still see the amusement in her eyes. Nathan supposed he shouldn't be too embarrassed. It just meant their communication-verbal and nonverbal-skills had already come a long way. It was an honest relief that so much had changed in only the span of several hours, that feeling of rightness, like it was proof that he and Elizabeth were meant to be together.
Grabbing a towel to keep from burning his hand on the handle, Nathan removed the kettle and poured the hot water into the teapot, trying to decide if his dignity would be more intact if he acknowledged his irritation toward a kettle or less by pretending to be oblivious. He mentally argued on his behalf that the kettle had interrupted a kiss that he was positively dying to bestow, but he was also a grown man, not an adolescent ruled by his hormones. He felt desperate to taste her lips for the first time, but there was still two children in the room and he figured it wasn't the best time to get lost in Elizabeth's kisses just yet. Soon, though, he vowed to himself.
Elizabeth placed a milk jug and a plate of blueberry scones on the table, calling to Allie and Little Jack to come to the table. Elizabeth settled her son into his high chair while Nathan and Allie sat down. Allie poured tea for everyone and Nathan couldn't help thinking she was growing up too fast.
"I wish the two of you had moved here before Abigail had to leave to help care for her mother. Her scones were the best I've ever tasted," Elizabeth said, breaking one into small pieces for Little Jack.
"These aren't bad," Allie replied, already having taken a bite of hers.
"No, they're not," Elizabeth agreed. "Abigail gave Bill and Clara permission to use her recipe, but they're just not the same," she said wistfully.
"Bill told me that it was you who gave Abigail the inspiration to open the cafe," Nathan said, joining the conversation.
Elizabeth looked at him in surprise. "Did he? When?"
"When I helped him make the ribs for Jesse's bachelor party." Nathan almost shuddered at the memory of what it was like cooking with Bill. It was an experience he hoped to never repeat.
"Oh, well, I don't know if I would go as far as to say I was the inspiration. I only made a comment or two to her about her incredible baking, but it was Abigail who took the risk and decided to open the cafe," Elizabeth said, typically not taking any credit for herself. As usual, Nathan thought fondly.
"It must have been some powerful comments to make her choose to leave her home," Nathan said knowingly. Bill had told him Henry had made Abigail give up her rowhouse in exchange for his partnership.
"Yeah," Allie piped in. "Emily told me you lived with Miss Abigail here and that you were neighbors before moving into town."
"Yes, we were. Cat-Mrs. Montgomery," she corrected, no doubt for Allie's sake, "lived where Lee and Rosemary do now with Emily and her two brothers-Gabe and Miles. Mrs. Montgomery is one of the widows who lost her husband in the mine explosion that happened before I moved here. They moved to a small cabin a few years later due to financial difficulties. Her elder son Gabe graduated early and left for the Royal Naval College in 1912. My father generously sponsored Gabe's education."
That was very generous, Nathan thought. The move to Halifax, Nova Scotia would've been expensive enough as it were, but an education in Naval Science would be impossible without money, the kind of education the Montgomery family would not have been able to afford without Mr. Thatcher's help.
"Did he pass the examination?" Nathan asked. He knew a little about the college's procedures.
Elizabeth smiled with pride. "He passed his examination in May of 1914, a few months shy of his sixteenth birthday, earning the rank of midshipmen and entered the Royal Canadian Navy." Her expression darkened. "War was declared soon after he graduated from the program, and he was assigned to the HCMS Rainbow. They patrolled the western coast of North America for a while, but after it became mostly unnecessary, many of the crew were posted to the east coast. Gabe is there, as of last year, and thankfully safe."
Nathan could see her relief at knowing her former student was no longer actively involved in the war. The was a lull in the conversation for a minute or so. The mention of war would do that, he thought darkly.
"And Miles?" Nathan asked, trying to move the conversation along.
Elizabeth shot him a grateful look, no doubt for steering their talk away from the war. "It was not long after Gabe left that Cat decided to send Miles to live with her brother in Calgary. His uncle taught him how to be a mechanic and they both work for the Canadian Pacific Railway, repairing and doing maintenance on the streetcars."
"Wow," Allie said.
"It sounds like they're both doing well for themselves," Nathan said.
"Yes. I was sorry to see them go, though. They both were part of my first group of students. But that's life, I suppose. Everyone grows up eventually." Elizabeth glanced at her son, no doubt ruminating on how fast he was growing up. He was going to be two-years-old soon. Nathan couldn't believe how fast the time had gone. It sometimes seemed like no time at all had passed since their move to Hope Valley, and yet it already felt like it had been their home all along to him and Allie.
Once the tea and scones had been finished, Elizabeth cleaned Little Jack up while Nathan and Allie cleared the table from their snack. Allie had asked if her and Little Jack could go outside and play with his ball. Elizabeth had agreed and after everyone was bundled up nice and tight, Nathan and Elizabeth sat on her porch steps, sharing a blanket, and watching Allie and Little Jack kick the ball back and forth in the meadow across the road.
Elizabeth snuggled up to Nathan and he put his arm around her, pulling her close, allowing her honeysuckle scent to surround him. After thinking he might not get to hold the woman he loved ever again, he didn't want to let go of her. Nathan wanted to savor this moment, live in it forever. He sighed in contentment when Elizabeth rested her head on his shoulder. They were quiet while they watched their children play, just enjoying each other's presence and the sound of joyful laughter.
As happy as Nathan was, he felt his insides begin to twist, the sensation highly uncomfortable. There were things he still needed to tell Elizabeth; things that could potentially cause her to rethink her relationship with him and the notion made him feel sick to his stomach. He was being a coward and selfish and doubly so now that they had declared they wanted to be together. Nathan knew he needed to tell her, but not today. It had already been too emotional and if she wanted nothing to do with him after his secret had been told, he didn't think he could endure the heartbreak on this day.
I'll tell her, he told himself as he tightened his arm around her. I'll tell her soon.
Elizabeth smiled, happily ensconced in Nathan's embrace, warm and content snuggled up to him under the blanket they shared. Allie and Little Jack playing together was a wonderful sight. Their happy giggles filled her heart with a happiness she didn't think she would ever feel again. They already interacted like siblings, so she was sure there would be no problem when the time came to combine their households. Elizabeth had been sure Little Jack would grow up an only child, but now he had an unofficial, for the time being, sister and she hoped to add a little brother or sister soon. It was probably too soon to be thinking of children when they hadn't even been courting for a full day and especially since they weren't engaged. Not yet, at least.
It had been a trying day. The highs and lows of her emotions were nearly more than she could handle. Elizabeth had been forcing herself not to think about what had happened earlier, to think further on those devastating moments when she thought Nathan had been killed. She had to remind herself that all was well. Nathan was alive, sitting beside her, holding her again.
The quiet of the moment gave her time to reflect. I could've lost him today, she thought, fighting to stave off the sobs that thought threatened to bring on. She didn't know the details, but she intrinsically knew that Nathan had almost been taken from her that day. Dread began to fill her. She'd lost Jack because of his job as a Mountie and it had almost happened again. Elizabeth hadn't even told Nathan she loved him yet and she might never have been able to. It made her feel sick. What if…
No! Instead of letting fear win, Elizabeth decided then and there that she would not fixate on what could be and focus on what was. Yes, she could've lost him that morning, but she would not let that dictate her actions negatively. She would love him with everything she had, she would hold him close, make sure their time together was not taken for granted, that every goodbye between them would be said with love. They couldn't be sure which one would be their last, so she wanted to make sure every single one counted, to leave no doubt as to how she felt.
The quiet had been comforting, but Elizabeth's heart was compelling her to speak. "Nathan," she said softly, raising her head. He looked from the children to her. "I love you."
She could see the emotions as they rapidly crossed over his face. Surprise. Shock. Disbelief. Acceptance. Awe. Love. The smile that followed was brighter than the sun. Elizabeth was sure she had never seen Nathan look as happy as he did in that moment. He practically radiated joy.
"I love you too, Elizabeth." Nathan's eyes shone with love.
Elizabeth's heart swelled, exhilaration running through her veins at hearing those words. She leaned forward at the same time as Nathan, their noses barely touching when an over-exaggerated gagging noise caught their attention. Turning to look, Allie and Little Jack were standing only a few feet in front of them, the former sporting a pinched expression. Elizabeth had no idea when the children had stopped playing and approached them.
"Please tell me you two aren't going to be mushy all the time?" Allie asked, her feelings on the matter very visible.
Nathan actually sputtered, his answer nothing but a choked sound and a flaming red face.
Elizabeth stifled her laughter. She wasn't sure whose expression was more amusing. Nathan's red face, his eyes looking anywhere except her or his niece, Allie's grimace, or her son's confusion befitting a child who didn't fully understand what was being said.
"Uh, well, Allie, I'm afraid this is something you're going to have to get used to," Nathan finally said.
Allie rolled her eyes. "If I have to." She sighed melodramatically.
Elizabeth bit her lip to keep herself from laughing. Life with Allie would certainly never be dull, but she wouldn't have it any other way. Allie sat down beside Elizabeth and Little Jack ambled to Nathan, raising his arms. Nathan obliged her son's silent request and picked him up, settling him on his lap. Little Jack leaned against Nathan's chest and Elizabeth noticed how droopy his eyes were. He didn't usually take a nap this early, but the trip to the livery and then playing with Allie had apparently worn him out already.
"I think someone is going to need a nap sooner rather than later," she said, running a hand over the silky soft hair on top of her son's head.
Allie peered around her. "Does he like to be read to before sleeping?"
"Yes," Elizabeth said. "Would you like to read to him? We've been reading The Tale of Peter Rabbit."
"Yes!" Allie said enthusiastically.
"All right. We should go inside. It's starting to get a little too chilly, even with the blanket."
They all rose as one and went inside, taking coats and scarves off. Nathan sat on the settee, resettling Little Jack while Elizabeth directed Allie to the bookcase, pointing out the book. Allie immediately sat beside Nathan and began to read. Elizabeth could've sat in the armchair and listened or started preparing a late lunch for them, but guilt began churning in her stomach. She felt like they had gotten past the hardest part of the day, for now, at least, so she felt her conscience prodding her to go to the saloon since she was not in school and Little Jack was being looked after.
Nathan looked up at her, noticing that she had not sat down, and was shifting from foot to foot with indecisive energy. He must've known what was on her mind because he said, "Go. I'll put Little Jack down after he falls asleep and then Allie and I can see what we can make for lunch."
Elizabeth smiled gratefully. "Thank you. Whatever you two decide will be fine with me. I hope I won't be long."
Nathan nodded and Elizabeth left, heading into town. She was nervous. Telling Lucas about her and Nathan was a necessary action, but she was afraid of hurting him. She could still remember the look of heartbreak and disappointment on Charles' face when she'd turned down his proposal all those years ago. Still, it couldn't be helped. Her heart was with Nathan and Lucas needed to know so he could find who he was meant to be with.
She spent the walk into town trying to summon to mind the right words, words that would cause the least amount of pain-if it were possible to do so. The Queen of Hearts came into view sooner than she would've preferred, but Elizabeth had never been one to shy away from a daunting task. She squared her shoulders and entered the building, praying that she was not about to completely shatter another man's heart.
Notes:
So I've decided that it's time to acknowledge that World War I (or the Great War, as it was known then) is happening during this timeframe. I believe that if Nathan didn't have custody of Allie, he probably would've joined the military as soon as war had been declared, but he didn't want to potentially leave Allie without another parent. Also, the reason that other men in Hope Valley, especially young ones like Jesse and Mike Hickam, wouldn't have joined is because they were part of a trade of resources (lumber) needed for the war. Crates for transport of supplies and horse-drawn wagons were desperately needed overseas. I realize that I've taken a lot of liberties with the Montgomery family, too. I've always hated how the show never addresses the fact that Emily is still in Hope Valley, but we haven't seen Cat, Gabe, or Miles since the beginning of Season 2, just like Molly is still there but Rosaleen wasn't when she still would've been school age or said where she's gone. I hope you don't mind my made-up expansion of the story. :)
In case you're curious, the Royal Naval College of Canada was established at Halifax, Nova Scotia in 1911. The exam Nathan mentioned is what the students had to pass between the ages of 14 and 16 before July 1st and upon passing could join the navy. The HCMS Rainbow did patrol the western coast of North America, but after the destruction of the German Pacific Fleet at the Battle of the Falkland Islands in December 1914, crew members were posted along the east coast. The Canadian Pacific Railway built the first public Calgary Municipal Railway Streetcar System in 1909. The Tale of Peter Rabbit was written by Beatrix Potter and published in 1902.