Disclaimer: So, this is called a disclaimer. This is where people actually give credits where it's due – to the original author (here, Kishimoto) but also where they got their inspiration (like stated in the first chapter: the plot is inspired by Edge of Precipice, written by Amethyst-Ice22). This is just a reminder of how it's done, in case some people forget what intellectual property means.

Jagged Pieces

In a fast move, Minato caught the falling Naruto and hoisted her into his arms. She was completely out, head lolling lifelessly until he properly propped her against his chest, her nose bumping into the hollow of his throat. He frowned when he felt her hot forehead against his bare skin – she was a bit too warm.

Fever, he thought with an annoyed click of the tongue. What a moron. If she was exhausted, why didn't she say anything? It was one thing to whine about swollen ankles, but another to let your energy run dry. Minato sighed – from what he knew of the woman, there would be a lot more situations like this one in the near future. Sometimes, he had to wonder if he had some masochistic tendencies – what with his dubious choice in friends and his recent marriage to an unknown kunoichi as oblivious as Kakashi in the matters of health. Great.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the disbelieving exclamation coming from his right, Kujin leaning towards the unconscious blonde with undisguised curiosity in his narrowed eyes. "I know I'm handsome, but that's a first! Guess I can check 'making girls faint from too much sexiness' on my bucket list," he mused out loud, a finger ready to poke at the scarred cheeks.

Minato swiftly stepped aside and the redhead smirked. "Relax, I can safely say I'm not interested in your little toy. I like them brand new." He gave a long look at the large belly, winking at the other ninja.

Had Naruto not been pregnant, Minato would've unceremoniously dropped her to the ground and put a Rasengan in Kujin's face – it turned out that this was the easiest way to shut him up. Instead, he glowered while the other man laughed obnoxiously, using Minato's impediment to poke him hard on the cheek, viciously digging his finger into the soft flesh beneath the cheekbone. This would undoubtedly leave a bruise.

"You know I'm going to pound your ass into the ground afterwards, right?" the blond gritted out between two pokes, trying to rein in his anger. The villagers were already giving them sideway-glances, and he didn't want to attract more attention on Naruto. Not while she was unconscious.

He instantly regretted his choice of words as Kujin leered at him, rapidly batting his eyelashes. "Oh, Minato-chan! Who knew getting a wife would make you so forward in your advances? When people will know we're having an affair, what will they say? Oh, dearie me." With that, he mock-swooned, fanning himself.

This started to make some people speak in low voices, eyes jerking from the two blonds to the loud Uzumaki who was now winking at a group of young, blushing Chuunin.

There was a tick developing at Minato's left eyebrow, and his hands were trembling on Naruto's body. Satisfied with his shenanigans and slightly concerned that the man would end up harming the unconscious stranger because of him, Kujin finally relented his teasing and adopted a more serious expression.

"Should we go to the hospital, or would you rather care for her on your own? By the way, the old man wants to see you as soon as possible."

It was no secret in the village that shinobi hated the hospital and avoided it with a passion – even more so when they came from a prominent bloodline. Who knew what they did with their blood, and what kind of information they would give if under duress… Minato was no exception, and even went so far as to stock his house with medicine and first aid necessities just to not spend more time than necessary in the aseptic place. The only medic-nin he trusted with his life was his student. Maybe he should ask Rin if she was knowledgeable in pregnancies…

A sigh left his lips. Paranoia could really be hindering in the everyday life… Even though he suspected a slight fever due to exertion, he'd rather get a professional opinion and make sure everything was fine with the baby. He didn't have time to hunt Rin down, and she was a field medic – this was not really up her alley. Unconsciously, his hold on Naruto got uncomfortably tighter, and he almost jumped out of his skin when he felt a hard kick against his ribs, followed by another. Naruto moaned but didn't arouse. Slowly, he relaxed his grip.

No more kicking.

Huh. What a strange way to communicate. A bit like him and his brothers, really – using punches instead of words. He'll have to remedy that; Naruto would surely bash his head on a stove if the kid grew up to be too much of a jerk, though it seemed pretty much unavoidable, what with both parents being slightly unhinged.

Minato took a second to let wonder fill him – he was going to be a father in a month, he was going to get a family, finally! – before tearing his eyes away from the woman's belly. He caught sight of Kujin's raised eyebrows and cleared out his throat to regain his stoic composure.

"Hospital," he said as he started walking towards the building. "Naruto-san hadn't been to the doctor in quite a while… Who knows what's going on with the baby." He'd ignore the fact that Sarutobi wanted to see him for now – he was sure the man would understand when he'd receive a missive from the gate guards stating that a stranger registered under the name of 'Naruto Namikaze'.

Kujin cringed as he followed his colleague and friend, arms crossed behind his head. "The baby," he repeated, repressing a shudder. "Bleh! That's weird, man."

Minato sighed. "You're such a child…"

xox

The nurses, for once, had been professional and kept their hands far from his private areas – though one had misty eyes when he claimed that the pregnant blond woman was his wife, and that he expected them to treat her with due respect and the utmost care. Hopefully, his fanbase would leave him alone now.

Naruto was lying in a comfortable bed, Minato looking like a hawk between the nurse's – Momo, she had cheerfully presented herself – hands and the large belly, questioning each and every movement the medic did. At first, Momo-san had been endeared by his actions – it was always fun to watch a soon-to-be father from the sinobi ranks fretting over his spouse and unborn child – but quickly grew annoyed, a bland, fake smile thinly stretching her lips as Kujin snickered in the background.

"Well," she finally said, stepping away from the blond woman, "everything seems to be in order. Her blood pressure is a bit high, and she needs to hydrate more. I'll take a sample of her blood for future references and check-up – if that's alright with you, Namikaze-san."

He nodded, and after double checking the patient's vitals, the nurse was ready to take her leave. "If you have more questions, I'll be happy to answer them."

Obviously, that was a lie and a formality. Momo-san was itching to just run out the door and spread the news through the hospital – that Namikaze Minato, Jounin extraordinaire, was definitely off the market.

Said Jounin broke her fantasy by approaching her, a notepad in hand – and where did he get it from? "Actually, I do," he said as he flipped the notepad open. "Thanks for offering to answer them. Should we step outside? I wouldn't want to disturb my wife's rest, and I'd like to go with you and make sure you dispose of her blood after entering the needed data."

Kujin groaned from where he was standing, pinching the bridge of his nose at the look of affront on the nurse's face. "Way to be blunt, man. You can't say that kind of shit to medics, Minato."

It wasn't the first time the blond man had put his foot in his mouth around the medical corps, and the redhead was sure that had Minato been anybody else – that is, a random shinobi not half as handsome as the migrant from Kumo – the hospital would've slapped him with an official ban long ago.

"We don't steal the blood of our patients, Namikaze-san," Momo-san gritted out, scowling. He may be a powerful and well-loved shinobi, it didn't mean he could insult their unit!

But Minato just looked on, bored, clicking several times a mechanical pencil, ready to take notes. "I'm not saying you do, I just want to make sure you don't." With that said he turned all business-like, striding towards the door and fully expecting the nurse to follow him – which she did, openly gaping at his nerve. "So, what kind of food would be the most appropriate at this stage of the pregnancy? She's past the eight-month mark, you know? And should I stop her from exercising? What about right after the birth?"

Momo-san fumbled, taken aback. "Um—well, er—"

The steady blue gaze of the ninja was unnerving, she found out. Momo-san didn't have the time to recollect herself as the man suddenly turned narrowed eyes on the Uzumaki who had been leaning against the windowpane. "I trust you," was all he said with a hint of threat in his voice, receiving a cheeky grin and wave in return. Having known each other for so long, it didn't take much more for Kujin to understand the meaning of Minato's words – make sure nothing happens to my wife, otherwise, there will be hell to pay.

Then, with a huff, he walked out of the room, already asking where the laboratory was, and Momo hurried after him.

The door clicked shut behind them, and Minato's voice faded out amidst the nurse's overwhelmed stutters and meek protests.

Silence befell the room, only disrupted by the woman's peaceful breathing. Kujin's smile fell almost instantly, a frown etched on the youthful face. He crossed his arms and glared at the blond, readying himself for a long wait and stewing with questions. Who was she? What the hell was happening with his best friend? Why wasn't he aware of this marriage and the child on its way?

Something smelt fishy, here. Minato might act all annoyed and bothered, but he would never hide something so big from him. Never.

Eyes closed, he let his mind wander, waiting for the enigma of a woman to wake up and give him some answers.

xox

Her head felt heavy. Her whole body did, actually.

Distantly, she felt like she should be panicking – why was she lying down? Why couldn't she remember when she went to sleep? – but she felt too comfy for that.

Then, her brain decided to reboot on its own, and though she felt like grumbling, Naruto was glad to know that the vortex that was her mind would soon make sense again. With that, her eyes slowly blinked open before narrowing as a way to chase the burning feeling in her eyeballs. She could see a red blur, and something tingled in the back of her mind.

Something important.

Then it clicked. Kushina.

With a rush of realization, Naruto groggily raised her hands and roughly grabbed her mother by the chest.

Pat, pat.

Huh.

Flat. Really flat.

"I can't wait to tell Minato his wife felt me up," a gruff voice holding a tinge of uncertainty mumbled. Then came a snort, "I knew she was a perv…"

That… was not her mom, right?

"… Mom?" Naruto still asked, blinking as her sight slowly adjusted to the bright lights.

Another snort. "Sorry girl, I've been intimate enough with my dick to know I don't have the necessary bits to shit out a child."

She blinked several more times to chase the blurriness as well as the confusion. Her eyes finally focused on a man with long burgundy hair whose purple eyes were looking at her like she was a new science project to dissect. He had a rugged appearance, toned arms bared for the world to see and his Jounin jacket opened on his mesh tank top. His face was angular and stubbly where Naruto knew it should've been round and smooth, and only the soft curve of the nose was familiar to her – it was one she was used to see in the mirror everyday.

Kujin Uzumaki. Her mom-turned-man. Her father-turned-husband's best friend.

Okay. That was weird and gross. She swore she could feel bile at the back of her throat. In the back of her mind, she idly wondered if it now meant she had two dads… A voice that sounded like Sakura told her she was stupid, and that genetically speaking, it was impossible. Another voice that sounded like Kiba snickered something about male pregnancies and ass-babies.

Feeling faint, Naruto reclined against her pillows. Maybe she should just go back to sleep and never wake up again. Yep. That sounded like a good idea.

Making herself comfortable, she crossed her hands on her belly – still round and hard, she noted with relief – and closed her eyes, ready to just go back in a comatose state, but the Uzumaki man loudly coughed, startling her.

He noisily dragged a chair towards the bed and sat on it before directing a glare at her.

"Er—I didn't get to present myself earlier," Naruto started in a small voice, wanting to make a better impression on her mom—her dad—her whatever. I should really stop thinking about them like this, she wearily thought. Those were definitely not her people, after all.

But Kujin rudely cut her off, "I don't care, shut up. I don't have time for this shit, Minato is due any moment now. I'll go straight to the point: who the fuck are you?"

If glares could kill, Naruto was sure that she would already be attending her own funeral. She knew this Uzumaki wasn't the Kushina who had loved her unconditionally, and she knew therefore she shouldn't feel hurt by the hostility. But damn, it wasn't easy. If this was what everybody would be like – Hiruzen who had been like a grandfather, Jiraiya who had been her mentor, Kakashi who had been her lover – then she'd better get used to it.

Still, she averted her eyes from the man, feeling nervous. "A childhood acquaintance of Minato's. Our parents arranged our union when we were younger – it was made void when they died, but we met up again a few years ago and—well, let's say that the rest is history." She patted her belly for emphasis, feeling a bit dirty for using her child this way.

Kujin's stare became harder, not moved one bit. "Because you want me to believe Minato – whom I've known for fifteen years – fell in love with you? Minato – who has never shown any interest in women or sex and hates Kumo more than Iwa?"

Narrowing her eyes, Naruto shrugged. "Maybe he didn't show interest because he already had me, and maybe he doesn't hate Kumo as much as you think." She then smiled sweetly, a lot like Minato did, and said, "or maybe you just don't know your friend very well."

"You little bitch," Kujin hissed, leaning towards her. Naruto didn't recoil but felt her heartbeat speed. Like this, lips folded over white teeth and eyes glaring daggers at her, the Uzumaki looked like he was channeling his caged fox's anger. Maybe this Kujin had much more control over Kurama than Kushina did – or maybe he was just much more feral than her mom. You know – testosterone and all that crap.

"You know what I think?" he said, voice pitched so low that despite their noses almost touching, the blond had to strain to hear him, "I think that you're a little liar who somehow tricked Minato into this farce of a marriage. I don't know how you got him to fuck that child into you, but rest assured that I'll always be there, watching your every steps and waiting for you to stumble and reveal your true colors."

He leant back as light footsteps echoed in the empty corridors – a polite way for trained shinobi to announce their presence in public spaces frequented by civilians.

"He can be naïve and too forgiving," he continued with a sharp smirk, "but don't worry, it's not my case."

The door slid open and in Minato walked, nose buried in his new notes. He looked up and frowned when he took notice of Naruto's pale face and glaring blue eyes. Then he took a look at his grinning friend.

"Kujin." The tone was ominous, and Minato's eyebrow was already twitching. "What did you do?"

The redhead puffed his cheeks out, arms crossed. "Why are you always assuming I did something? I was just having a nice chat with wifey here, right Naruto-chan?"

He turned a blinding smile on the woman, hands coming up to cup his cheeks in what was supposed to be a cute way – but only ended up as awkward on the grown, rugged-looking man. If she didn't know better, Naruto would've thought him genuine. Instead, he gave her the creeps and she felt slightly intimidated by the complete 180° personality change.

Was it schizophrenia? Huh, mom was quite the bipolar, too… But then, were schizophrenic ninja admitted within the ranks?

She was pulled out of her thoughts by the annoying high pitch of Kujin's moans as he bickered with Minato. She tuned in on their conversation, curious.

"They're a bunch of brats, that's what they are," the redhead complained, kicking his feet against his chair, petulant.

"Then you should've had no problem getting along with them," was Minato's distracted reply as he went over the scroll Kujin had handed him.

"And Kakashi – that little shit!" Kujin suddenly snarled, gripping his hair as if he was about to tear them out. "Ugh, I thought that Chidori would go right through my chest! What do you teach them, dude? They're monsters!" Then he sighed and twirled a red lock around his forefinger. "Fortunately, that cute Rin was there to tend to my wounds."

At that, Minato looked up from the report, looking at his friend with undisguised disdain. "You're disgusting. She's thirteen."

"A nine year difference is easily overcome. True lust always prevails!"

"Trash," Minato muttered as he shook his head, going back to the report.

"Don't be so prudish, you have no room to talk! You impregnated a kid."

Naruto had been watching the verbal match with fascination – until she was thrown into it. Blushing furiously, she glared darkly at the smug redhead. "Hey! I'm not a kid!"

He gave her a blatant once over and Minato slapped the back of his head – hard. Thankfully, he grew used to these slaps and didn't even flinch as the sound resonated in the room, absentmindedly rubbing at his sore skull.

"You look like you're not even fourteen," Kujin stated, still ogling her.

It was Minato's turn to look at her speculatively before he shrugged apologetically. "You do."

"I'm nineteen!"

"She does have the boobs of a grown woman…" Kujin muttered, eyes now glued to the blond's large bosom.

"I'm pregnant, you ass!" she screeched, doing her best to cover her breasts.

Minato hummed, pleased. "They filled out quite a bit since I got to her. That's good. The baby will have plenty to feed on."

"You too, eh," the other man said, nudging at his oblivious friend. He sighed when Minato blinked in confusion. "Nevermind."

But Naruto wasn't as clueless. Furious, she struggled under her sheets and with a strength born from sheer disgust, she flung herself at the redhead, going straight for his throat. Kujin met her hands with his own larger ones, and they both tried to overpower the other, arms shaking and veins popping on their forehead.

The man growled, eyes narrowed into slits. "Why, ya little—" He cut himself off, not wanting to insult her in front of his friend.

Naruto didn't have such qualms. "You shitty pig," she hissed.

All the while, Minato looked on with a slight smile. It sure reminded him of the early days of his friendship with the foreign Uzushio ninja. They, too, had thrown punches at each other's faces, only to later sit at a table overflowing with food after they'd helped bandage each other's wounds.

He had worried a bit about Naruto not making friends because of her Kumo roots, and had put all his hopes in Kujin being his welcoming, cheery self. Once again, his friend didn't let him down.

"It's heartening to see you two becoming such quick friends!"

This prompted the two fighting adults to turn their heads towards him only to yell, "We're not friends!" before returning to their battle of will. Minato ruefully shook his head and went to sit at the window, still going over Kujin's report on his team's progress.

Yep. Exactly like the good old days.

To be continued…

OMAKE

Looking glumly into his half-filled cup of tea, Minato sighed. It had been a long day, and he just wanted to relax before going home to think about a new strategy for his next ANBU mission, as well as a lesson plan for his Genin to follow during his absence.

For once, Kujin was silently eating his dumplings, too aware of his friend's exhaustion. They were content to just grab lunch in each other's company, sometimes exchanging words about the array of food spread in front of them.

Kujin was about to hail the chief for a new round of grilled meat when a flash of light caught his attention. It was immediate – his mood soured and exasperation was written all over his face.

A new gaggle of fangirls were peeping on them.

Or, more specifically, on the oblivious blonde shinobi.

With a sigh, Kujin leant towards his friend, long crimson hair falling from his shoulder onto Minato's, effectively blocking the sight of his barely moving lips as he whispered, "Brace yourself, a group of girls are ready to come at you."

Tan fingers clenched around the teacup, the only sign of annoyance betraying the blonde's aloof expression. Deeming his duty fulfilled, Kujin was about to go back to his food but Minato caught his elbow and tugged the redhead back towards him.

"Say, I'm a good friend, right?"

The Uzumaki rose an eyebrow. "Yeah," he drawled, confused, stretching a hand to grab a dango stick.

"And how far are you ready to go for the wellbeing of this friendship?"

At that, Kujin turned his head towards Minato's, almost bashing his nose against the blonde's sharp jaw.

"I love you bro, really. But not enough to murder a civilian." He popped the first dango in his mouth and then amended with a careless shrug, "not in plain day light, anyway."

This earned him an arched eyebrow, followed by a pleased hum. It was always good to know your friends had your back.

"You're nuts," Minato said nonetheless. "But I'm not asking you to kill the fangirls. Just… pretend to kiss me. That way, they'll think I'm not interested in the female population and will leave me alone at once."

He knew it was an awkward request, and truth be told, Minato was expecting an extreme reaction – something like Kujin falling from his seat in surprise and yelling how his lips were only made to be touched by big-breasted kunoichi.

Instead, the redhead blankly stared at him, the wooden spike from his dango dangling between his lips. "Dude," he started thoughtfully, twirling the stick with his tongue before removing it and pointing it at his friend, "are you in love with me or something?"

There was a long silence before Minato felt the tell-tale pulse of a vein ready to burst at his temple. "Forget about it, I suddenly feel the intense urge to punch your teeth in."

Kujin smirked, threw an arm around Minato's shoulders and brought their faces closer, noses brushing together. "Ooh, so kinky Minato-chan. Do tell me more."

Two tanned hands surged up and grabbed the Uzumaki's collar. "I'm gonna ram a Rasengan up your ass, you little—"

The other man knocked their mouths together, biting the blonde's lips in retaliation for the mean words. Minato froze, and at the same moment, wails and cries of shock were heard from their peeping toms.

Then Kujin leant back, a roguish smile firmly in place before he stuck his tongue at the fangirls while giving them the finger. Many ran away with tears in their eyes.

With a proud huff, he turned towards his friend, "No need to thank me Minato, you can now eat in pea—"

A punch met his cheek, and he tumbled to the floor as Minato slowly sat back down, left eyebrow ticking without control and hands clenching sporadically around his now cold cup. Kujin crawled back onto his chair, an affronted scowl firmly set on his face, ready to break the blonde's nose. "The fuck, man! I totally did what you asked me, and this is the thanks I get?!"

A dark glare quailed any further complain from a now pouting Kujin.

"Pretend," Minato hissed. "I said 'pretend', idiot. I can't believe you actually kissed me."

The pout didn't relent as the redhead puffed out his cheeks, petulant. "Pssh, why pretend when you can have the real deal! At least, now, they'll leave you alone. Ya know, back in Uzushio, kissing on the lips is a common way to greet close friends!"

And Kujin went back to his pastries and meat, babbling about culture differences and how weird people from the continent were with public display of affection, while Minato brooded about idiotic friends, ruing the day he finally took pity on his fellow exiled and showed him sympathy when they were kids.

The next day, the rumor went about that Kujin had been seen molesting a distressed Minato, and that the two were in an abusive relationship – though it wasn't sure who was the abused one.

Minato swore it was the last time he'd ask Kujin for a favor, and doubled his effort to not be caught in the company of the red leech. Kujin, on his part, found it hilarious and privately decided that fueling the rumor mill was a fun way to pass time between missions.

Two months later, Jiraiya's book featuring two dashing shinobi fighting for dominance in their coupling became a best seller.

(And so this signed the day the two exiled began to be seen by a certain writer as potent inspiration for his trash books. Yes, Jiraiya, in this universe, writes yaoi porn based on his student and his BFF.)

I remind all the lovely guests that I reply to their reviews on my tumblr! You can find the link on my profile :)

So, let's get down to business:

Plagiarism is bad. Don't be a douchebag, don't plagiarize. I can see it, my cat can see it, everyone can see it. So let's save us some time by being a decent folk instead of stealing intellectual property, thanks!

RANT ASIDE. LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS CHAPTER!

The snippet from above was already posted on my tumblr, but I remembered that some of you actually were baffled and interested by the fact that Kujin wouldn't be bothered by the act of kissing his bro. So, for you people, here it is!

This chapter was, at first, supposed to go much further than that: in fact, I was about to reveal big things about the Tailed Beasts. Then I realized that this kind of info wouldn't go well with the info already being given – i.e. Kujin being much more than a cheerful, dumb guy, and whose loyalty only goes to one person – and that person isn't old man Sarutobi…

But it's okay, I already have plans for the next chapter ;)

PLEASE, DO NOT ASK when I'll UPDATE. I'M AS CLUELESS AS YOU.

A THOUSAND THANKS for reading and reviewing, and putting this crap into your favs, as well as plagiarizing it (LOL. Come on, take a joke!) You're all AWESOME, and every review is cherished! Go wild this time again, it was really fun to read all your guesses and reactions to Kujin :D

See ya around, folks!

(PS: dédicace à tous les francophones qui apparemment lisent cette fanfic – BIENVENUE A VOUS, LES COPAINS ! xoxo)